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Thread: Fate/Stay Night: Across time

  1. #1
    吸血鬼 Vampire
    Join Date
    Jul 2014

    Fate/Stay Night: Across time

    Hello, I am currently writting a fanfic of FSN. My first fanfic/story ever. I was inspired by TypeMoonFreak and others to start writting my own. English is not my native language, so don't be to surprised by seeing strange words/frases. It will not be long now before I'll start posting my story (chapters I have already written that is) in full soon on By suggestion of Frostyvale I will be posting some chapters here on beast's lair for review. So please leave comments/ send PM of what was good/not good and suggestions for improvements.

    Here are my first chapters of the story. I hope you guys like it.

    Update 31/03/2015: Finally managed to find a good beta reader. I have subsequently corrected and improved my chapters and reposted them. Please have a look.

    23/04/2015: Hey, Just wanted to let you know that I will be starting to post new chapters on this forum. I will also be posting this story on from now on.


    Fate/stay Night: Across Time


    10 years ago

    The 4th Holy Grail War had ended and Fuyuki city was slowly recovering from the destruction caused by the inferno 2 months ago.

    The Holy Grail was destroyed at the end of the 4th Holy Grail War. The Einzbern Master, a Magus named Emiya Kiritsugu, won the war and obtained the Grail. However, he had for some reason chosen chosen to destroy it. The result was the huge inferno that destroyed a large area of Fuyuki city. The master went missing in the aftermath and the Association and the church rushed in to cover up any loose ends. That is when they discovered the anomalies.

    In a small alley near Mount Miyama, the shopping district, stood two men observing something what seemed to be a black fog with silver streaks running through it.

    “That is the fifth one in two months. This is starting to get on my nerves! These things just keep appearing.” The first man grumbled.

    “Just be quiet or do you want to attract unwanted attention? Help me set up the boundary field before someone sees it instead of complaining.” The other replied calmly.

    These two men were not ordinary humans, but magi from the Magus Association. Not long after the destruction of the Grail, these strange anomalies started to appear throughout the city. Fortunately, because the Magus Association and the Holy Church were present during the immediate aftermath of the catastrophe, they were able to discover these fogs early on and keep them hidden from normal humans.

    They soon started an investigation to discover what they were and although they had no proof for it, both parties knew that the destruction of the Holy Grail was somehow the cause of the appearance of these anomalies. It was the only possible explanation but as to why this was happening was currently a total mystery.

    The two magi started their work on the boundary field. This field's purpose is to both conceal the anomaly and to prevent normal people from coming into contact with them. Any person approaching it will automatically go around it, or find another route entirely.

    “Do we know what these things are, yet?” Asked the first Magus.
    All they knew for now was that these things appear at random throughout the city and it's surrounding area. That there were no more then three at a time and that they exist from any where between three to eight days.

    “Not yet. There is a separate team currently conducting an in dept investigation. Our task is to keep these things hidden.”

    “These things are luckily not difficult to find if we are close enough, but it's tiring to keep patrolling the city. They are all so goddamn random. Do you remember that one fog in the sewers? That was truly a revolting experience!” He shuddered at the mere thought of it.

    “Apparently not all of them are random. They found a fourth one underneath Mount Enzou. This one appears to have 'latched' on to the leyline, or something like that, and is bit more stable.”

    Underneath Mount Enzou, in Ten no Sakazuki, the investigation team, consisting of both members of the Holy Church and the Magus Association, were feverishly studying the strange anomaly which wasn't easy, considering the relation between the Church and the association.

    “Do you think this will yield any results?” Asked a magus called Eagle-eye, a muscular, middle aged man. This Magus had a love for eagles and uses them often as familiars. He loves to watch the world from above through their eyes, hence the self-appointed nickname. His favorite eagle, named Himmler, was resting on his shoulder.

    “It has to if we are ever to discover what they are,” said one of his colleagues.

    “I want to go back outside. Himmler is getting agitated and those priests aren't fun talking to.” complained Eagle-eye. “Charles, is your golem ready yet?”

    “Aarg! Yes! This time he is ready.” The Magus, named Charles Greywood, was exceptionally skilled in creating golems. He had suggested to send one of his creations in to the fog to examine it closeup. The idea was unanimously accepted and Charles had just finished preparing a child-sized, copper golem to send into the fog.

    “I am sending it into the fog right now.” The group looked on tensely as the golem approached the fog. When the golem came into contact with the fog, they witnessed it being drawn inside the fog, but it returned almost instantaneous much to everyone's surprise. The golem was flung towards them, forcing several members of the group to jump aside.

    “What happened? Did the fog do anything to it?”

    “No, I don't think it did but look.” Charles pointed at something the golem was holding. The golem stood up and walked up to Charles. It handed him something what seemed to be an oak branch. The golem provided Charles with the knowledge that it was safe to pass through.

    Upon this discovery, they decided to send in a small team to investigate the other side: Eagle-eye, Charles' golem and one priest. The priest was in his mid-twenties and rather tall, sporting brown hair and eyes.

    The team stepped into the fog. At that moment they were violently sucked inside. When they reached the other side, they were literately thrown out of the fog.

    “That was rather rough.” The priest said as he brushed of dirt from his coat. When they examined their surroundings, they found themselves standing in a small clearing within a huge forest. “Where do you think we are?”

    “I don't know. But I can feel that this forest is ancient. Places such as these are rare in the present day. I'll use Himmler to scout around which should help us to determine where we are.” The priest nodded in agreement.

    Eagle-eye released Himmler. Looking through Himmler's eyes, Eagle-eye saw how huge the forest was. Except for trees, hills, rivers and a few dirt roads, there was pretty much nobody around for miles until he spotted a small village.

    Back underneath Mount Enzo the others just witnessed the team being sucked inside the fog but before they could even start to wonder if the team made it safely through, Eagle-eye, the priest and the golem returned. Less than five seconds had passed.

    “Back already!?” Charles and the others were stunned by their fast return.

    “What do you mean with 'Already'? We spent nearly half a day on the other side!”

    “Half a day!? But you returned two, maybe three seconds later.!” Said one of the priests in bewilderment. The others nodding in confirmation.

    “A couple of seconds?” The priest and Eagle-eye looked at each other in bewilderment.

    “Whatever! We will figure that one out later. Now tell us! What did you find?”

    “You are not gonna believe what we saw!” Replied Eagle-eye with a broad grin.

    As the investigation continued, they discovered that the anomalies where portals to the past. Using familiars to observe the locals and layout of the land, they were able to discern that this was England during the 5th or 6th century.

    Meddling with the past is dangerous. Even if you were to change something, hoping that it would benefit you in the present, there was no guarantee that it would bring about the desired outcome. Even worse, it could cause the exact opposite of what you wanted to achieve. That was one reason why they sought to close these portals as soon as possible. That and the fact that it only led to that one time and place, severely limiting it's potential. So it was agreed upon, by both the Church and the Association, to erect a boundary field to conceal the other side and to ward of anything that could otherwise wander through unintentionally. Two supervisors, one from the church and one from the Association, would be appointed to keep watch over this side of the portal.

    Both sides agreed to use the next Holy Grail War to close these portals. Luckily, the Holy Grail was almost completed at the end of the War and they predicted that the next War will take place within 10 years from now. The winner of the next war will probably be forced to give up his or her wish, so they would need to offer an appropriate compensation in return.

    The next day, Eagle-eye and the priest were standing in the clearing. They were in charge of overseeing the making of the boundary field and providing security.

    “Do we know who will become the supervisor?” Asked Eagle-eye.

    “They are still undecided but they will soon reach a decision. By the way where is your eagle?” Replied the priest.

    “I'm using him to view more of the land. It is quite beautiful. The grassy plains shine golden in the midday sun. Simply beautiful.”

    Another priest came through the portal and walked up to them.
    “Kotomine Kirei, would you follow me, please. There is something we want to discuss with you.”

    “Looks like my presence is required elsewhere. I'll leave things here in your care then.” Eagle-eye simply nodded and continued to view the landscape through Himmler's eyes.

    As he was flying over the grass-planes he spotted a procession. Judging from their appearance they were knights along with their entourage.

    Among the procession were an old knight with his son and squire. The time had come for a new king to be chosen and they were heading towards the king's selection. The squire was wondering who would become the new king. Deep in thought the blond haired squire looked up in the sky. It was a beautiful day with clear, blue skies.

    Suddenly the squire noticed the bird flying overhead. Was it a hawk. No, it is too big to be a hawk. An eagle? Watching the bird, the squire slowed his horse's pace.

    “What are you looking at? Come on! We don't want to be late for the king's selection.” the old knight called out to the squire.

    “I am sorry, sir Ector. I was just admiring that eagle.” The squire replied, pointing toward the eagle.

    “Yes. A magnificent bird indeed.” He said in admiration. “But there is no time to dawdle. They will not wait for us, so pick up the pace, Altria.”

    “Yes, sir.”

    - - - Updated - - -

    Chapter 1
    Fate/stay Night: Across time

    Chapter 1: A foreign place

    It's the night of the fifth of October. In the Shinto district, a young girl clad in red walks toward the Hyatt Hotel with her long black hair waving in the wind. Her name is Tohsaka Rin, Magus and successor to the Tohsaka's magecraft.

    “It's all the way up there,” she sighed.

    When her mother died, she became the official head of the family and responsible for Fuyuki city. Normally her duties would only consist of keeping an eye on any Magus who was permitted to run a workshop in Fuyuki. And if they broke the rules, she would exact punishment on them.

    Luckily, there are no other Magi in the city besides the Matou family. They had immigrated to Japan centuries ago, but they did not manage to adapt to the land and thus their lineage as Magi came to an end. As a result she only had to worry about Magi who were planning on settling within the city.

    At least, that is how it should be normally. The city has largely recovered from the disaster ten years ago, even though some scars still remain. However, another problem still remains. The destruction of the Grail had also created portals which connected present day Fuyuki city to 6th century England. The Church and the Association had conducted an in dept investigation of these portals and kept them hidden from public ever since they appeared.

    There are no more then four portals at any given time. The biggest one, known simply as the main portal, is located underneath Mount Enzou inside Ten no Sakazuki. This one always appears at the same location. They theorize that it has connected itself to the leyline, and is therefore the largest and most stable.

    This side of the main portal is well hidden underneath the mountain and the other side, in 6th century England, has been blocked of by a boundary field. The other three portals are more annoying, tough. They appear at random throughout Fuyuki city and its immediate vicinity. The Association dealt with covering them up until Rin was old enough to do it herself. They gave her a small, red notebook which contains everything they knew about them.

    The investigation conducted by the Church and the Association had yielded quite some information about the three smaller portals. Firstly, they are basically side-entrances of the main portal. Secondly, they can appear anywhere and remain active from two minutes up to eight days. And they appear in intervals ranging from seven days up to three months. These are the most important findings pertaining the three smaller portals.

    This time, a portal has appeared on the roof of Hyatt hotel. Rin was staring at the black and silver fog.

    “Let's get this over with,” she started making the boundary field.

    “Just four more months. When the Holy Grail War ends we'll hopefully see the end of these damned portals.”

    “Still who would have thought that such a thing would occur? Even with that much power, this is nothing short of a fluke. -Sigh-” Tohsaka finished the barrier. “Using the Grail to close these things. What a hassle. Then again, the Church and the association would owe an incredible debt to whoever won the War.”

    At any rate, they have been lucky these past ten years as the portals remained undiscovered on both sides.


    It was six in the morning when Emiya Shirou woke up inside the shed.

    “Good morning.” Said Shirou to nobody in particular as stretched himself.
    “Hmmm. Sakura isn't here yet? That is rare. Whatever. I'll start making breakfast before she arrives.” He scratched his auburn colored hair.

    Shirou stood up and made his way to the living room. Sakura was indeed not here yet.
    So after changing in his light-brown school uniform, Shirou started making breakfast. He went to the fridge and took enough ingredients for three people. With the ingredients he had on hand, he decided to make a simple traditional Japanese breakfast. He started preparing some miso soup first.

    The doorbell rang and he heard somebody entering.
    “I'm coming in.” It was Sakura. Sakura Matou is Shirou's underclassman and the sister of his friend Matou Shinji. She lives with her brother in the foreigners' houses district of Miyama Town.

    “Good morning, Senpai. Oh, you're already making breakfast.” Sakura noticed as she entered the living room with a bag of groceries. “Please, wait a moment. I'll help you.” She brushed some of her long, purple hair out of her face.

    “It's alright. I'm almost done, but you could start setting the table, if you want.”

    “Ah … Alright, senpai.” Said Sakura with a smile. Little more over a year ago Shirou received an injury on his right shoulder. It was around that time that Sakura started coming over to his home to help with the household. A couple of minutes later they were enjoying breakfast when the door to the hallway flew open.

    “Good morning!!! I'm starving, what do we have for breakfast?” Fujimura yelled. Fujimura is noted for wearing black and yellow striped clothing, today she favored a striped blouse and blue jeans.

    “How are you feeling, Sakura-chan?” Taiga asked.

    “Ah... Everything is fine, Fujimura-sensei.” Sakura handed her a bowl of rice.

    “Thank you, Sakura-chan.” Taiga took a bit from of rice along with some meat. “Hmmmmm! This is delicious. Well done sakura.”

    “Oh... Actually, it was senpai who made it.” Sakura said bashfully. “He was a bit earlier today.”

    “Ah, I see. Good cooking as always, shirou.” Fujimura laughed as she quickly worked down her food.

    “You shouldn't eat so fast, Fuji-Nee. Slow down a bit.” Shirou urged her.

    “Sorry. That is not possible” Fujimura grinned. “I still have to grade some homework and there is the Archery training as well.”

    “Alright, I understand.”

    “Ohh, it's almost seven o'clock. Come on, Sakura-chan, or we'll be late for morning practice.”

    “Alright, Fujimura-sensei.” Sakura stood up and made her way to the hallway. “See you later, Senpai.”

    “Okay, see you later. And remember, I will be returning late tonight.”

    “Yes, Senpai. I shall leave something to eat for you.”

    “That would be helpful. Thank you, Sakura.”

    “And Shirou, my grandfather asked if you could pay him a visit. His bike is acting up a little. So he would like you to take a look at it sometime this week, Okay? And don't be late. See you later!” Fujimura jelled before closing the door.

    “Raiga-san's bike? That will be something for this Sunday or so.” Shirou murmured before he returned to the kitchen. He heard the front door open and close, signaling that they had left.

    Shirou left the house after doing the dishes and made his way to school.
    When he arrived at school he was greeted by Ryuudou Issei, the student counsel president and Shirou's classmate.

    “Good morning, Shirou. How are you this morning. Everything going well?”

    “Just fine, Issei.” Shirou replied casually. “And how about you? How are things at the temple?”

    Issei is the successor of the Ryuudou Temple and Shirou's friend for two years now. As the student council president, he also asks Shirou to fix broken school equipment on a regular basis to save money on the school's bill.

    “Nothing noteworthy. All is peaceful and good.” Issei replied with a solemn expression while he adjusted his glasses. “By the way, there is some equipment that broke down again. Could you have a look at it? It is too much to do all of it now, so ...”

    “Sorry, but I have to work at my part-time job. It was arranged two weeks ago and I'll probably return home late tonight too. But I could take a look at one or two.”

    “Hmm. I understand. We have a little more than an hour before classes start. Enough for one or two repairs, so go and get your tools. Our first stop is the multi-media room.”

    During the next hour Shirou repaired a projector in the multi-media room and a stove from the art club. When it was almost time for class, they walked swiftly to their classroom, but then they encountered Tohsaka Rin in the hallway. She was regarded as the schools number one idol and was admired by every boy in school. And that includes Emiya Shirou. She was really beautiful, with her long black hair and blue eyes.

    “Gah! Tohsaka!” Issei's mood plummeted.

    “Good morning, Ryuudou-kun.” Tohsaka greeted him casually while brushing through her hair. “Hmmm. Who's your friend here again? I believe his name was Emiya-kun, right?”

    “Emiya Shirou, one of Issei's classmates. How are you doing Tohsaka-san?”

    “Good, thanks for asking, Emiya-kun. So you're Ryuudou-kun's classmate? I see. So how are you today, Issei?”

    “I'm fine, Tohsaka. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be late for homeroom.” Issei shot her an annoyed glare. “Come on, Shirou. Let's get to class before we catch some of Tohsaka's evil.” Tohsaka looked on calmly as they walked passed her.

    “Hey, Issei. That was rather rude!”

    “Perhaps, but is for the better. I won't let her work her evil on you.” Before they entered class, Shirou noticed something lying on the floor. It looked like a red notebook.

    “Issei, you can go inside already. I'll be right there.”

    “Okay, but hurry up.”

    Shirou went and picked up the notebook. Upon closer examining the notebook, he saw Tohsaka's name written on it. Shirou looked down the hallway, but he couldn't see Tohsaka anywhere. She's probably already in class.

    “I'll return it to her, the next time I see her.” He murmured and went to class.

    The day went by quickly. After classes ended, Shirou departed for his part-time job.
    At the school gates he saw Issei talking with Ayako Mitsuzuri. She greeted him as he approached the gate.

    “Hey, Shirou. Off to your part-time job?” Mitsuzuri was in a cheerfully mood today. She is a second year student and the captain of the archery club. Sporting short, brown hair and brown eyes. Thought of mostly as mannish by others, she is also very responsible and dependable. And quite pleasant to look at too.

    Before Shirou injured his right shoulder, he was briefly a member of the archery club. And he was good at it too, as he had missed the target only once. Mitsuzuri made it her goal to surpass Shirou before she graduates. “If you have time tomorrow, our heater has been showing malfunctions. Could you ...”

    “Of course. Don't worry about it. I will take a look at it when I have some time to spare.”

    “Thanks. You're really dependable when it comes to fixing things.” Mitsuzuri nodded approvingly. “But I must say, Shirou. You really should ask for a reward from time to time. You always seem to help people, but you never ask for anything in return. Some people will take advantage of that if you're not careful.”

    “Nah, It's alright. Helping people with their problems is its own reward.” Mitsuzuri's gave him a concerned smile in response.

    “She's right, Shirou. I've told you the same thing numerous times already. It's good to be a little selfish.” Issei nodded firmly. “To be honest, your lack of selfishness is concerning.”

    “Thanks for your concern, but I'm alright with it.” Shirou looked at his watch.
    “Dammit, I'm gonna be late. Sorry guys. I'll have to leave now or I'll be late. See you tomorrow.”

    “See you tomorrow.” Issei and Mitsuzuri replied in unison as they saw Shirou off.

    It was ten thirty PM when Shirou returned home. Thankfully, Sakura had left some food for him. Shirou put down his schoolbag and began eating his supper.

    Hmmm? Haven't I forgotten something?' Shirou thought while eating. Then he remembered. 'Ahhh. That's right. I forgot to return Tohsaka's notebook.

    Shirou took the notebook out of his schoolbag and looked at it. “Guess I'll return it tomorrow then,” he put the notebook in his back-pocket.

    “Thank you for the meal, Sakura.” Said Shirou after finishing his meal. “Now it is time for my daily routine.” Shirou made his way to the shed.

    Nobody knows this, because Shirou had done his best to keep it a secret. Emiya Shirou is a Magus. When he was adopted by Emiya Kiritsugu, Kiritsugu had told him that he was a Magus, a being that can use magic. Although Kiritsugu had no intentions of teaching Shirou magecraft at first, he gave in after being persistently asked by Shirou for two years.

    Shirou began with creating a magic circuit in his body.
    “Trace on.” Shirou murmured. A spell Shirou has thought himself for over eight years.

    A Magus is born with a pathway called the magic circuit inside their body for magical energy to pass through. As Shirou wasn't born a Magus, he is forced to make one from scratch inside him every time. It feels like a hot metal rod being driven into his spine. Aside from the pain, it is also very dangerous. The tiniest error and he would end up killing himself. Yes, a Magus has death always right beside him.

    Shirou is well aware of that. However, he wanted to be like Kiritsugu. Thus he has continued to train his magic for eight years. And he isn't planning to stop now. The magic Shirou is trying to perform is called 'strengthening'. The only magic he knows.

    It took him a little more then an hour to make the circuit. He inhaled and proceeded with his training.
    “Basic structure, analyze. ----------- Composition, analyze.” His body is hot.

    “Basic structure, alter. ---------Composition, reinforce.” Shirou felt tense as he let magical energy flow into the rod.

    “Gahhh!!!” Shirou gasped and his body cooled down. After fighting off the daze, he examined the metal rod. Strengthening reinforces an objects abilities by understanding its structure and channeling magical energy into it. He normally fails but this time he was partially successful.

    “Better than usual.” Shirou sighed and he laid himself on the floor to rest for a moment.


    A bat was flying over the Emiya residence. But this is no normal bat, but a familiar. Familiars are usually small animals used by Magi to serve as their eyes and ears or as their messengers.
    This one belonged to Tohsaka Rin. Rin uses several of them to scour the city for portals.
    It just saw one appear behind what seemed to be a private dojo.

    Rin was at the intersection when her familiar spotted the portal.
    “This one is near. But, … Oh,no.” Through the eyes of her familiar she saw the light coming from the shed. If somebody was in there, he/she would see the portal immediately, should they step outside the shed.

    “I've got to hurry!” And Rin bursts in to a run and activated her magic circuits.
    “Es ist groß, es ist klein!” A spell used to enhance her legs which increased her speed tremendously.

    “Hmmm. Somethings odd.” Shirou sensed a change in the air. “It's coming from outside.”

    Shirou went out into the courtyard. There he saw the source of the change. Behind the dojo, there was a black fog with silver streaks in it. It was roughly the size of a double door.

    “What is it?” Shirou started to approached it.

    'Stay away from it. Don't get closer!'
    His instincts were warning him, but his curiosity was winning.
    He was standing in front of it. His arm stretched out, only centimeters away from it.
    'Don't touch it!!!' Every part of his being screamed.

    Rin arrived at the house, winded. She noticed when she got there, that the house was surrounded by a boundary field. There was another Magus in the city? Luckily this field was only meant to warn the residents of intruders with harmful intentions.

    “There was another Magus in this City? Who …?” She broke off mid-sentence when her familiar saw someone exiting the shed and walking toward the portal. It was Issei's friend, Emiya Shirou. He was a Magus? No, time to think about that. I need to stop him.

    Shirou was almost touching it, when …

    “Get away from it!!!” A girl yelled from behind him.

    Shirou startled so hard that he tripped when he turned around.
    He only saw the face of the one who shouted at him for a second, when he was suddenly pulled into what seemed a black and silver vortex.

    It was a scary to say the least. The experience seemed to last for an eternity, while it only lasted a few seconds, before he was thrown out violently. It took Shirou a while before he recovered from the wild trip. When he got back to his feet, he found himself in a small clearing within a dense forest.

    “Where am I? That fog!” And he turned around, just to see it disappear.

    “Guess I won't be going back that way.” Shirou sighed. By the way, was that Tohsaka who tried to warn him? He could have sworn it was Tohsaka. No, now is not the time to think about such things. First, he needed to figure out where he was.

    “I'm definitely not in Japan anymore.” Shirou examined his surroundings. The oaks of this forest were definitely not the Japanese variant. And more over, it was spring here, while it is autumn in Japan right now.

    “I'll take look around. Maybe I can find some help.”

    He thought about waiting for the portal to reappear. But he got the sad feeling that it won't be returning anytime soon. So he started walking into the forest. He picked up a rock with sharp edges and used it to make markings on trees, so he could find the way back later.

    Hours past and Shirou was beginning to tire. He had walked for miles now and still hadn't encountered anybody. It was getting dark too. Shirou found an overhanging rock and decided to use it as a shelter for the night.

    “I guess this will do for tonight. There is even a small creek nearby.”

    Shirou collected some firewood and managed to make a fire with some effort. He drank some water from the creek and sat himself near the fire.

    “I hope I can find some help tomorrow.” He took Tohsaka's notebook from his back-pocket and opened it. “That's odd. It has Tohsaka's name on it, but it's clearly written by a man.”

    Suddenly the words 'Holy Grail War' caught his eye. His father had told him about it 6 years ago. The Holy Grail War with the seven masters and their servants. According to Kiritsugu, the War ten years ago ended when the Grail was destroyed, which in turn had led to the inferno that destroyed a big part of the city. His father spoke about it with great pain as if he was blaming himself for the catastrophe.

    The more he read, the more his disbelief grew. Apparently the fog that brought him here was a portal that connected present day Fuyuki City with 6th century England. There are never then more four portals in Fuyuki at any given time. One main portal and 3 smaller ones. They all opened and closed at random intervals. The most disturbing thing he learned about them was the fact that they could remain closed for anywhere between a week and 3 months, which was rather troublesome news for Shirou. The portal on this side followed a similar pattern, but had only one side portal.

    The smaller portals were like side-entrances to the main portal. They would bring anybody to the exit of the main portal or one of it's side portals. If no portals were active, a temporary crack would be made when you exit, similar like a partially opened door.

    “I'm in England? The 6th century?” Shirou sighed. “Oh man. Whether it's true or not, I need to find help if I want to get home. Perhaps I can find somebody tomorrow.”
    Shirou was tired. He lied down and went to sleep, wondering if he could survive long enough in this foreign place, long enough to return home.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Chapter 2

    Fate/stay Night: Across time

    Chapter 2: Gawain

    A sword. A golden sword, beautifully crafted. Shirou had seen it in his dreams so many times. He found the sword magnificent, but he sometimes wondered why it always came back in his dreams.
    Shirou awoke when he heard voices and the marching of men could be heard in the morning, there was no mistaking it. There were people here.

    “There are people here after all.” Shirou felt relieved. “I hope that they'll be able to help me.”

    He made his way in the direction of the voices. When he saw the group, doubt set in. These people didn't wear modern clothing. They were clad in old, leather armor with tunics made from crude cloth underneath. A couple were wearing chain mail and all of them were armed.

    “I don't think I should let them see me.” Shirou murmured as hid him self.

    He carefully peeked at the group without revealing himself. There were roughly a dozen of them. Armed mainly with spiked clubs, rusty knives, axes and leather shields. He also counted two rusty long-swords and a large battle axe. In addition, half of them were carrying bows, one of them a crossbow.

    The one with the battle axe was an older man, with streaks of gray through his brown hair and beard. He wasn't the tallest, but he sure had the biggest muscles of the group. In addition to chain-mail, he also had steel arm braces and a breastplate. He had an air of experience and leadership over him. Suddenly the man stopped and looked back. Shirou managed to duck just in time.

    “Something amiss?” Asked the young man wielding the crossbow to the leader.

    “Methinks I saw someone. Guess I imagined it.” The leader said scratching his head.
    “We must make haste, if we ought to be in time for the ambush. Get yer arse moving, lass.”

    Shirou decided to follow them when he heard him say 'ambush'. Shirou was poor at English but ambush was a word he knew. After a while they reached a dirt road. The group split in to two and they positioned themselves on either side of the road. Shirou hid inside some bushes.

    They are definitely bandits, or something like that. I'll just stay out of sight for now. All I can do now is warn their victims before the trap is sprung.

    “Are ye sure that they will come past here?” One of the bandits asked to the leader.

    “Ay, I am sure. Me spy is reliable. There should be two wagons with goods and around eight guards for escort.” The leader grinned confidently. “Since we have the element of surprise, we should be able to kill the majority with our bows before they can even react. Beves, are ye and yer archers ready?”

    “Aye, boss Giraud. They will feel the sting of our arrows. We will teach them just how good bandits can aim.” Beves grinned as he brandished his crossbow. Beves was the youngest of the group at 17 years. He had short, brown unkempt hair and light-blue eyes. He was rather sinewy, but he was in good shape. His face was rather plain, but not unattractive.

    One of the bandits' scouts returned and warned them about the approaching convoy.
    “We have trouble. There is a knight traveling with the convoy and he looks strong.”

    “What. Nobody said anything about no knight. This was not part of the plan, Boss.” A tall, skinny looking bandit said panicking. His green, bloodshot eyes darting around nervously. “This changes everything. We'll lose a lot of men fighting him.”

    “Shut yer trap, Lewis. We will just take him out first. Beves!”

    “Leave it to me boss.” He knocked a bolt on his crossbow. “This bolt is coated with yew poison. Even if he is not killed instantly, the poison will bring about his downfall. Hehehehe.”


    “How long until we reach Camelot?” A young woman asked. She had long, flowing blond hair, beautiful green eyes and fair lightly-tanned skin. The woman just turned twenty last month.

    “It will take at least 3 more days of travel. If the weather holds that is.” Her father answered. He was a older man with graying, black hair and dull brown eyes.

    “Hmmm. Do ye think we'll see something exciting along the way.” The woman's green eyes sparkled hopeful.

    “If something happens, I hope it's nothing dangerous.”

    “Don't ye worry, dad. We have a knight protecting us.” The girl smiled to the knight ridding besides the wagon. He was an older, but still young looking man with curly, dark-blond hair and aqua eyes, clad in shining white armor decorated with a flower design. “I thank ye, sir knight, for protecting us on our journey.”

    “No thanks needed, fair maiden. It is a knight's privilege to protect the innocent. And Camelot also happens to be my destination.” The blond knight answered smiling. “Your daughter sure is a fine woman, mister Rauf. Surely you must be proud of her.”

    “Well indeed, sir Knight. Elisa has grown to be a fine woman and she is also a gifted healer and a fine cook, I dare say.” Rauf said proudly, causing his daughter to blush.

    “Cooking is indeed important. They do say a man's love goes through his stomach. When it comes to food, it is quantity and not quality that matters to me. Large amounts of vegetables, vinegar, potatoes and meat. That and ale. The King and my fellow knights eat it all without complaints.” The knight declared jovial.

    “May I ask ye something, sir Knight?” Elisa looked at the knight with curiosity.

    “Certainly, milady. What is on your mind?”

    “I've never seen the king before. Can you tell me what he's like?”

    “Ahhh, the king.” The knight's voice was full of admiration. “He is truly chivalry incarnate. He is the most fearless, diligent, just and fairest king in the world. England is truly blessed with king Arthur.”

    “I hear he is very young. Is that true, sir knight?”

    “Young, yes. But he is not that young, although many a man who see him for the first time would mistake him as such. When he pulled the sword from the stone, he stopped aging. Thus he looks like a beautiful young boy, but the king is already in his twenties.”

    “That's incredible! Oh my ... I just realized. I never heard ye name, sir knight.”

    “Ah … Of course! How rude of me. My name is Gawain, the White Knight of the round table.” He made a slight bow. “At your service.”

    But one moment later, Gawain suddenly felt a killing intend directed at him and subsequently drew his sword. “Halt!!”

    The convoy stopped. The guards drew their swords and moved into a defensive position.

    “Sir Gawain? What is wrong?”

    Then from the bushes flew a crossbow bolt, hitting the ground in front of Gawain's horse.
    A voice shouted: “Ambush!!!”

    Giraud became tense when the knight ordered the convoy to halt. This was bad! The knight had felt of their presence. Beves aimed for the knight's chest when he suddenly got hit on his back by a stone. The bolt landed in front of the knight's horse and from behind them someone shouted: “Ambush!”

    Giraud cursed. His men had fired immediately after Beves missed his shot, but the guards had managed to block most of the arrows. Their position was revealed and now both sides were charging at each other. Giraud saw two of his men been cut down by the knight like nothing. He looked behind him, to the strange boy who ruined the ambush.

    “Lewis, go skewer that brat! I will face the knight.” Lewis charged at the boy. Beves had recovered from the impact and was trying to find a new vantage point. Giraud ran in front of the knight.

    “I will be yer opponent, knight.” Giraud beat his chest as he rushed in front of the knight. His men were already locked in combat with the guards. But now that the ambush had failed, chances are good that they'll be pushed back soon.

    “You sure are brave to face a knight of the round table. Brave indeed. I grant you my respect for that, bandit.” The knight smiled as he dismounted and moved in to attack. He attacked with a series of well executed strikes and trusts. But Giraud was a veteran and managed to hold his ground against the knight's onslaught. No, not onslaught. The knight was not even considering to use his full strength.

    “You are skilled as well. If you had chosen to serve the king, you could have become known as a warrior of renown. A pity you choose a life of crime. Time pay for it.” The knight continued his attack with more intensity. Giraud had to give it his all.

    Shirou managed to foil the ambush, but now he had a bandit clad in chain-mail and wielding a sword barreling down on him. He picked up a branch and held it like a sword.
    The bandit was almost on him now.

    “Hahaha! Yer gonna fight with that!? Yer dead, lass!” Shirou wasn't good at English, but it was pretty obvious what the man said.

    Shirou knew a simple branch wouldn't do much against a sword, so it was now or never.
    “Trace on.” The rod was driven in his spine. He raced through the process.
    “Basic structure, composition, analyze.---- Basic structure, alter. Composition, reinforce.”
    He channeled his magical energy into the branch. The bandit had reached him and swung his sword at Shirou and he managed to blocked the sword with the branch.

    “What??” The bandit jumped back a little. His eyes were full of confusion. Even if his sword was old, it should have still been good enough to cut through that branch. Instead it was repelled by it. Shirou smiled in momentary relief. His strengthening had succeeded. Unfortunately, the relief was short lived.

    The bandit started a flurry of attacks, while Shirou desperately tried to block them. The bandit had some skill with the blade. Shirou tried to fall back, using the trees as barriers. He would not last long otherwise. Suddenly Shirou lost his footing and fell on his back. The bandit was on him in an instant.

    “Say ye prayers, lass.” He raised his sword for the fatal blow.

    'This is it!' Oddly enough Shirou felt surprisingly calm, as the blade descents.

    Gawain was impressed. This man, while he was a bandit, had great skills with the battle axe. But now was the time to end the fight. The bandit launched a sweeping strike with the last of his strength. Gawain remained calm and parried the blow and followed up with a riposte. His sword cut through the bandit's armor like it wasn't there and made a deep cut in the man's flesh. The bandit staggered backwards and dropped on his knee, panting.

    “You fought well, but now it ends.” Gawain was still smiling as he approached to deal the finishing blow. But then Gawain saw another bandit between the trees attacking a strangely clothed, young man. The lad was defending himself with only a branch, while trying to keep his distance from the bandit. He must be the one that foiled the ambush and basically saved their lives. As a knight he could not let him die.

    “It seems that luck is with you, bandit.” Gawain he ran to the boys aid. Behind him, he heard the bandit sound the retreat.

    The bandit's sword came down, but Gawain blocked the blow in the knick of time and promptly pushed the bandit back. The bandit took a defensive stance and looked at the knight fearfully.

    “Are you alright, young man?” The boy looked at him and nodded. Gawain directed his attention back to the bandit. “I will be your opponent.”

    The bandit was trembling. There was no way that he could win against a knight, so he immediately turned tail and followed his retreating comrades. Gawain didn't pursue them. There was no need to. He sheeted his sword and turned to face the boy.

    “I thank you, lad. If not for thy warning, we would probably be dead now.” Gawain helped the boy up. While Gawain was shaking his hand in gratitude, he examined the young man with curiosity. He had never seen a someone like him before. His complexion told him the boy was definitely not from these lands. “Hmmm. I hast never seen clothes like that before and thou art certainly not English. Nor art thou Saksen, Frankish or Germanic. Who art thou? Where art thou from?”

    The boy's eyes suddenly widened and he jumped forward, pushing him aside.
    “Ah-boo-nigh!!!” He yelled, when he was struck by a crossbow bolt in his left shoulder.
    The boy stumbled and fell to his knees. Gawain turned around, but the young crossbowman had already disappeared into the forest.

    “Coward!” Gawain yelled angry and he turned his attention to the boy. “This is the second time you saved me. Let me ...” The boy started to convulse suddenly and fell forward. Gawain caught the boy before he hit the ground.

    “Poison.” Gawain swore under his breath. He lifted the boy up and carried him to the wagons.

    “Dad. 'Tis sir Gawain. He is carrying someone.” Rauf immediately sprang from his wagon and ran toward him.

    “Sir Gawain. Are ye alright? Who is the boy?” Gawain hurried towards Elisa, causing Rauf to jump aside.

    “He is the one who foiled the ambush, that is all I know. The bolt is poisoned. Can you help him, milady?”

    “Put him inside the wagon. I will see what I can do.” Elisa hurried to grab her medicines. The boy had lost consciousness, so time was of the essence. Gawain put him in the wagon and helped Elisa to remove the bolt and clean the wound. Elisa determined that it was poison from the yew tree and quickly managed to make an antidote.

    “I have administered the antidote, so his life is not in danger. But he will not regain consciousness for some time.” Elisa sighed with relief. “We should find him a place to sleep for the night. A comfortable bed would surely help him recover.”

    “There is an inn called the 'meek ox' at the next village. We can reach it before nightfall.” Rauf suggested.

    “Good, let us make haste then. Alright men. Put our dead in the other wagon. We can give them a proper burial at the village. Bury the bandits next to the road.”

    “Why should we bother burying them? Just leave them for the wolves, I say.” One of the guards complained. The others nodded in agreement.

    “Bandits or not, it is simple decency to bury the dead.” Gawain retorted.

    “Tsst. Fine have it yer way.” The guards took some shovels from the carts and started digging the graves. It took them a couple of hours before they continued their journey.

    “I hope they have enough room for all of us.” Elisa wiped away some sweet from the young man's forehead. “By the way, I found these on him. Maybe thou should hold on to him until he recovers, sir Gawain.”

    She handed him what seemed to be a keyring and a small red book.

    “I will do that. It might be important to him.” And he put them in his saddlebag.

    “Who do ye think he is, sir Gawain? I hast never seen clothing like his before. His clothes are certainly not made from wool or linen. And I have never seen such strange shoes before. And than his appearance.. certainly not English.” Elisa looked at the young man inquisitively.

    “I doth not know. But regardless, the boy saved our lives today. So he has more than deserved our aid.” Gawain declared. Everybody agreed unanimously. Some time later they arrived at the inn.

    The 'meek ox' had enough rooms to spare. However Gawain offered to pay for the lodgings, but didn't have enough money to afford separate rooms and meals for everybody. Thus while the boy and Elisa both got separate rooms, Gawain, Rauf and the guards shared the same room.

    “I am sorry thou have to share the room with us, sir Gawain.”

    “No need to apologize, mister Rauf. It is not the first time I hast shared quarters with others. I hope the lads condition will be improved by tomorrow.”

    “I hope so too. He saved our lives after all. We only lost two men against eight of the bandits. If he had not warned us...” Rauf shuddered at the thought. “Anyway, I bid ye good night, Sir Gawain.” And Rauf went to sleep.

    Gawain yawned and took the keyring and book from his saddlebag. He had never seen key's like this before. Most of then were thin and serrated. All except for one rusty, old key. That one looked like the key's he was familiar with. He put the keys back in his bag and then took the book, hoping it might yield a clue to the boys identity., but it only raised more questions. The pages were white and smooth to the touch, nothing like parchment at all. And then there were those strange symbols written inside.

    “What are these symbols? Some kind of code? Magic runes maybe? Or an unknown language.” Gawain marveled at the book. “Guess it yielded more questions then answers. Maybe Merlin can help when we reach Camelot. Guess we shall find out eventually.” He put away the book and went to sleep.

    The next morning, Gawain woke up when somebody knocked on the door. He went to the door and opened it. There stood the innkeeper, a balding, chubby, middle-aged man. He went by the name of Tebald and was well respected by the locals.

    “Good morning, sir Knight. I apologize for waking ye, but I wanted to inform ye that the boy has awoken.”

    “Ahh, he did? That is good. Bring him some food and something to drink. The lad might be hungry.” Gawain was elated at the news. “Tell him I will meet him shortly.”

    “Certainly, sir Gawain. At once.” The innkeeper hurried off to his duties.

    Gawain started putting on his clothes. They consisted of black, linen tunic embroiled with a golden sun with matching trousers and leather boots. Gawain suddenly noticed that Rauf was awake. “The boy is awake.”

    “I heard. Are ye going to see the lad?”

    “Yes. I will eat something later. Seeyou at breakfast.” Gawain buckled his sword to his belt and closed the door behind him. He went up the stairs to the second floor, where he encountered Elisa in the hallway. She was carrying some bloody bandages. “Is see you have changed his bandages, milady Elisa.”

    “Indeed, sir Gawain. The boy is on his way to recovery, but …” Elisa looked over her shoulder to the door were the boy was resting.

    “But? Is there something wrong?” Gawain tensed up. “If there is something wrong … you must tell me!”

    “Not necessarily wrong, but there is something troubling about it.” Elisa said with a discomforting tone.

    “Something troubling? What do you mean?”

    “His wounds! They are healing to quickly. 'tis not normal. At this rate his wound will be completely healed within three, maybe four days. 'tis unsettling.” Elisa rubbed her arm nervously.

    “Hmmm. That is odd, but not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe Merlin can have a look at him when we arrive at Camelot. Why don't you go downstairs to grab some breakfast. It will do you good. I will go and have a chat with our savior.”
    Elisa nodded and went downstairs. Gawain arrived at the boy's chamber when the innkeeper left the room with an empty bowl.

    “Mister Tebald. How is he doing?”

    “Good, I would say. He was quite hungry.” Tebald showed him the bowl. “I also tried to talk to him, but he does not seem to speak our tongue, except for a few words, but most of the time he seems to get the gist of it.”

    “That is good to know.”

    “Excuse me, sir knight, but may I ask ye something?” Gawain gave a nod. “Who is this lad. I have never seen someone with such a complexion.”

    “I don't know, good sir. But he saved our lives by foiling the bandits' ambush. So the least I can do, is help him in return. It is only natural to do so.” Gawain gave a serene smiled.

    “True enough. Those rotten bandits are getting more bold. But why?” Tebald wondered bitting his nails nervously.

    “It is indeed a mystery. The king has already started to investigate as to why the bandits are so active. That is why I am on my way to Camelot.” Gawain tapped his fingers on his sword handle, his face turning grim for a moment “But now I will go see the boy. So, if you would excuse me.”

    “Sure. I will have some food waiting for ye.” Tebald nodded and went downstairs. Gawain walked to the door and entered the room. The young man was sitting upright on the bed with his chest was exposed, except for his bandaged left shoulder. Gawain examined the young man. He had auburn colored hair and Golden-brown eyes and had above average physique. Gawain estimated his age to be around seventeen winters, a young man. Gawain took a stool and sat down facing the young man.

    “Good morning. I hope you have managed to sleep well. How are you feeling, young man?” Gawain asked with a friendly voice. The young man looked at him with a puzzled expression. He thought for a moment, trying to figure out what Gawain said, before he nodded with a smile.

    “It seems Tebald was right. you really don't fully understand our language. My name is Gawain and I am a knight of the round table. I ask you: What is your name?”

    “Gawain.” An expression of both recognition and surprise showed on the lad's face when Gawain told him his name. Once the surprise wore off the boy snapped back to attention.
    “Name? My name … is… Emiya Shirou.”

    “But you can grasp the general idea of the things we say, most of the time. That's good. At least that we can understand each other somewhat.” Gawain nodded firmly. “Emiya Shirou, is it? Can you tell me where you hail from?”

    “Hmmm. What country?” Gawain tried, when he saw the boy's puzzled expression. Shirou's confusion made way for recognition.

    “Japan.” Gawain raised his eyebrows. He never had heard of a place called Japan before.

    “Where is Japan?”

    “East. Far, far east.” Shirou pointed towards the rising sun but then he suddenly flinched and grabbed his shoulder.

    “You have recovered quite a bit, but you should rest some more. We will stay here one more night. After that we will make our way to Camelot.” Shirou's expression changed to surprise when Gawain mentioned Camelot.

    “Camelot? Arthur?” Shirou's eyes went wide in amazement.

    “Yes, King Arthur. You may be from a distant country, but it seems they have heard of the King's exploits even there.” Gawain grinned with satisfaction at the boy's amazed expression. “You should get some more rest, as you will need your strength when we leave. I will come to visit you again at noon.”

    Gawain left Shirou to rest, while he went to get some breakfast. Rauf, Elisa, the other merchant and the remaining guards were already enjoying their meals.

    “Sir Gawain, please sit with us. Mister Tebald says that yer food will be brought in a moment.” Elisa said happily.

    “That is good to hear.” Gawain sat down besides Elisa, who got a slight blush on her face. “Is something wrong, milady?

    “What? Oh eh, no, of course not. Say, Have ye spoken with him?”

    “I did. He seems to be doing better, but he still needs to rest some more. I think it would be wise to remain here for one more night.”

    “I concur. That would be for the best. Let me pay for the next night.” Rauf proposed.“I believe ye had spent most of yer money last night, sir Gawain.”

    “And I will chip in too. 'tis the least I can do.” The other merchant declared. He was a young man, not even 25 winters old. He had blond hair, blue eyes and a nose like a hawks beak. He answers to the name Sagard. “By the way, sir Gawain. Did ye learn anything new about our savior?”

    “His name is Emiya Shirou and it appears he hails from a country, far to the east, called Japan.” Gawain informed them. “The lad is still recovering from his wounds, so I didn't ask to many questions for now.”

    “Emiya Shirou? An odd name, never heard of such a name before. Neither have I ever heard of a place called Japan.” Sagard pondered for a moment, then he shook his head as the name didn't ring a bell. “Anyway, was his tunic not ruined when he got struck by that bolt. I have some quality linen tunics he could use. Free of charge of course.”

    “Hooo. I never thought ye could be so generous, sir Sagard.” Rauf said with a skeptical tone. “Ye always seemed so concerned about making a profit, after all.”

    “I do indeed. But that does not mean that I don't know gratitude.” Sagard raised his voice. “The lad saved us. Giving him some new clothes doesn't even to begin to repay him.” Sagard grumbled as he turned his attention back to his meal. “I will bring them later to him after I finished my meal.”

    “That was not a very nice thing to say, dad! Mister Sagard is concerned about money, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about others. Ye should apologize to him.”

    “Mrrrr. Maybe yer right.” Rauf finished his meal and begrudgingly went to apologize to Sagard.

    Gawain visited Shirou again at noon. He asked some more questions but they didn't yield much result. While Shirou could somewhat understand him, but he didn't know enough of the English tongue to give any detailed answers. Gawain figured that Merlin would be able to do something about the language problem when they reached Camelot. Somebody knocked on the door. It was Sagard, bringing the tunic.

    “I have brought the tunic. From what I garner, it should be about the right size.” He walked to Shirou and handed him the red colored tunic. “It is made of the finest linen I could get my hands on. Thank ye for saving us.”

    “Domo Arigato.” Shirou said and took it with both hands and made a slight bow. Sagard blinked and looked at Gawain with an uncertain expression.

    “I think it means 'Thank you' in his tongue.” Gawain said unsure. Sagard nodded in response and left the room. Gawain left soon after.

    The next morning, Gawain was saddling his horse while Elisa was supporting Shirou as they made their way to the wagon. Emiya Shirou seemed to be doing a lot better and the new tunic looked good on him. He noticed Rauf and Sagard walking up to him.

    “Well, sir Gawain. Time to continue our journey to Camelot.” Sagard said, clasping his hands together and with a hopeful expression on his face. “I hope we won't get anymore attacks along the way.”

    “True enough.” Rauf sighed. “I don't think well be as lucky like the last time, should there be another ambush waiting for us.”

    “Rest assured. I don't think there will be any more ambushes taking place. This area is close to Camelot and is regularly patrolled by the king's men. They would be mad to attempt anything this close to Camelot.”

    “That is reassuring indeed.” Sagard smiled in relief. “Do ye think that they were aware of our shipment?”

    “I think they were.” Gawain said without hesitation. Rauf and Sagard usually dealt only with fabric, food, drink, jewelry and spices. But this time they were transporting a large shipment of quality weapons and armor at the king's request. “They have been attacking the caravans rather frequent as of late. And they only attacked those that carried weapons, armor or valuables. That is one of the things I was sent to investigate.”

    “Mister Rauf, Mister Sagard. I suggest we resume our trip to Camelot. We still have two more days of travel ahead.” Gawain said with a serious tone and hoisted himself in the saddle.

    “A splendid suggestion.” Rauf said. He and Sagard made their way to their respective wagons.

    Gawain took position next to Rauf's wagon. His eyes met with Shirou's who was laying in the front of the wagon, being tended by Elisa. Gawain smiled at him reassuringly and Shirou smiled back. Gawain looked up into the clear sky. If the weather holds, they should reach Camelot within two days.


    Meanwhile, Giraud and his men arrived at an old fortress ruin deep inside the ancient forest. It had been an unpleasant trip back. He lost six men during the raid, he himself was injured and two of his men died soon after because their wounds got infected. And worst of all they had to return empty handed.

    “Are ye alright, boss?” Beves had been worrying about Giraud's health the entire return trip and rightly so. His boss had been silent most of the way back. Beves knew the boss was simply trying to save his breath, because of his wound. While Beves called him 'Boss', Giraud was actually more of a father to him than a boss as he had saved Beves from death seven years ago. “Once we arrive, we will go see the surgeon immediately.” Giraud groaned.

    Deep inside the forest lay an old fortress. The ruin had been abandoned until recently. These last few months a rebellion had started to grow and this old fortress has become one of the rebels many hideouts. The rebellion started because some of the lords and common people had gotten dissatisfied with King Arthur. The main reason was that the king didn't seem to understand his people's feelings. Giraud, a bandit, never concerned himself with it. He was still wondered how he got recruited for this cause.

    Inside the fortress courtyard, the rebels were buzzy with training, maintaining weapons and equipment and doing other important tasks. Giraud often wondered why so many people hated the king. And he wondered why he cared. He was a bandit, he usually only cared for the wellbeing of his men and himself.

    When they walked through the gate, the commander of the garrison walked up to them immediately. An old soldier. His hair was gray and his gray eyes were bloodshot. Here he was simply called the 'Commander'. Giraud never asked his name, but he respected the man and he respected Giraud. He knew little about the Commander, but he knew that he was once on of the king's most loyal men. Giraud knew that he didn't hate the king, so why was he here, Giraud wondered.

    “Report, Giraud. I only see les than half of thy men. Obviously you have failed in your mission.” The 'Commander' demanded with an impatient tone. His eyes staring sharply into Giraud's. Beves stared angry at the Commander. Couldn't this wait until later?

    “Our ambush was foiled. A stranger showed up and warned the caravan when we were about to strike.” Giraud calmly reported, as he bid Beves to ease up. “Our information was faulty as well. There was a knight traveling with the caravan. He killed 2 of me men and injured me.” He groaned as his wound acted up.

    “Hmmm. The knight was unexpected. Our spy reported that there was no knight when the caravan departed,” the 'Commander' frowned. “He must have joined the caravan after they left the village. And what was that about a stranger?”

    Giraud and his men gave the “Commander' a detailed description of the failed ambush, the knight and the stranger.

    “From what you have told me, the knight could have been no other than sir Gawain. We know that he has been investigating the recent raids.” The 'Commander' paced around. “Sir Gawain's appearance alone would have been reason enough to call of the ambush.”

    “No, it isn't,” Beves argued.”If that scoundrel hadn't thrown that rock at me, I would have most certainly hit him!” He said so with complete confidence.

    “Sorry to disappoint you, but Gawain wouldn't be a knight of the Table if a simple sneak attack was all it took to take him down.” The 'Commander' declared rather harshly, which put a damper on Beves' boasting. Beves was a good man and the 'Commander' felt a little sad for dampening his spirit. “I will order our spies to investigate the stranger. You men should get some rest and thou hast to see the surgeon. I will need to report this to Sir Mordred and mistress Morgan.”

    “Finally. Uhh, we will see ye later then.” Giraud and Beves started making their way to the surgeon. Than Giraud suddenly stopped and turned toward the 'Commander'.“Say, Commander. Mind if I ask ye something?”

    “What is on your mind?”

    “You were once a loyal soldier to the king, tasked with hunting down folks like me. But ye seemed to accept me quite easily. Why?”

    “You art a bandit, a marauder, but you also care for your men and you are known to show mercy and to disdain from needless killing.” The 'Commander' replied with a sincere tone. “You are different from most bandits. And it is this sense of honor what has earned you my acceptance and respect .”

    Giraud smiled when he heard the 'Commanders' answer. At least one of his many questions has been answered. He looked up at the sky, rubbing his round chin, wondering where all of this will lead to.

    05/02/2015: Chapters 5 and 6 are up on page 2.
    26/04/2015: Chapter 7
    03/05/2015: Chapter 8
    10/07/2015: Chapter 9 & 10
    17/07/2015: Chapter 11

    Last edited by FSNdeluxe; July 16th, 2015 at 07:19 PM.

  2. #2
    吸血鬼 Vampire
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    5/02/2015: Made some corrections/improvements.
    31/03/2015: Corrected chapters

    Chapter 3

    Fate/stay Night: Across time

    Chapter 3: King Arthur

    The town is burning. Flames everywhere. The boy remembered this scene all to well. It's the day the city was engulfed in flames. His house burned down and his parents died in the fire. He was walking amongst the flames and everywhere around him people were dieing. He fell on his back. The heat was unbearable. Suddenly it began to rain and the fires died out. He'll soon die because of his burns, so it doesn't matter. He had resigned himself to his fate. Then a man appeared. His eyes were crying tears of joy. Because he was happy for himself. Amongst all this destruction he was able to save someone. The boy would live.

    The king awoke. “A dream?” The king rarely had dreams, so this was a special experience. He stood up and put on his clothes and armor.

    “My liege. Your breakfast has been prepared.” The head servant said when the king left his chambers. He noticed the king pondering. “Is everything alright, my Liege?”

    “Everything is alright. I just had a dream, that is all.”

    ************************************************** *********

    Shirou awoke from his slumber. He had dreamed of that night 10 years ago, of the inferno that destroyed his house and killed his parents. The night that he was saved by Emiya Kiritsugu. How long has it been since he had that dream?

    “Are ye feeling alright?” Elisa moved into view. She had treated Shirou's wounds and nursed him back to good health, but Shirou couldn't help but sense the unease that hang over her. Not that he blames her. His wound had completely healed within 4 days without leaving so much as a scar. No matter how you looked at it, it wasn't normal. Shirou would be lying if he said that it didn't feel strange to him. He did find it to be convenient though.

    “All good.” Shirou smiled. Elisa returned the smile. He wasn't good at English, but he does manage to get the others to understand him. During the rest of the journey Shirou had spent most of his time resting in the wagon at Gawain's insistence. All in all, the rest of trip had been uneventful.

    They eventually arrived at a large village in the afternoon. No, this could be rightfully called a town. Behind the town, on top of a small cliff formation, stood a huge castle. That must be Camelot. Shirou couldn't help but stare at it. From the corner of his eye he saw Gawain grin at his amazement. Only then he finally noticed that his mouth was hanging open. The caravan made its way toward a stone structure which was probably the village garrison. A square building with a training area surrounded by a palisade, with four shooting platforms, one on each corner. The caravan stopped in front of the gate. Gawain discussed something with guards and the merchants for some time while Shirou took some time to look at his surroundings. The people passing casted curious glares at him. Some guards who stood on a shooting platform whispered to each other as they pointed at him. A little boy approached him carefully. When Shirou noticed him, he gave the boy a smile.

    The boy hurriedly returned to his mother when Gawain walked up to Shirou after concluding his business. “Please, come with me.” Gawain mounted his horse and helped Shirou mount the horse behind him. Shirou looked back to the caravan where Elisa and the rest stood, waving them goodbye. He returned the gesture. It still took about ten minutes to reach the castle. Only when they arrived at the main gate could Shirou grasp the tremendous size of the castle. The gate was big enough to allow two carts to pass through side by side. And the walls were at least twenty meters tall.

    “Good day to ye, sir Gawain” One of the gatekeepers greeted them as they rode past the watch house. “Who is yer traveling companion?”

    “He is a foreigner and I want to introduce him to the king. This young man saved my life, that he did. I was traveling back with a caravan carrying weapons and armor for the king's men when we wast ambushed by bandits. But this young man foiled the ambush by warning us. He even took a crossbow bolt in the shoulder, meant for me. Thus he saved my life not once, but twice.” Gawain told them enthusiastically. The gatekeeper looked at Shirou, who was still gawking at the castle. Shirou felt the guards gaze and quickly stopped.

    “He saved yer life? That is admirable. The king will surely reward him for his valor.” The other guards were equally impressed, some even whistled. The gatekeeper noticed Shirou's puzzled expression. “Can he not understand us?”

    Gawain held up his hand silencing the guard while shaking his head. “He doesn't fully understand the English tongue, but he does understand simple sentences.”

    He looked at Shirou and saluted. “Thank ye for saving, sir Gawain.” The other guards saluted as well.

    Shirou got the gist of what the gatekeeper just said and gave a nod.

    “Keep up the good work men. We are off to see the king.” Gawain urged his horse forward. Shirou looked back. The guards had huddled together and were talking with each other rather excited. Shirou got a gut feeling that he would become a celebrity overnight.

    They dismounted upon entering the courtyard. A stable hand came running and Gawain handed him the reigns. The courtyard was at least sixty meters in width and eighty meters in length. On the right side there were the stables and on the other side of the courtyard, there was a blacksmith and a fletcher's workshop. Next to that was, what seemed to be the entrance to the armory. The courtyard was very lively. Soldiers in training, stable hands tending to the horses and servants walking everywhere.

    Shirou was trying to take it all in when Gawain suddenly tapped him on his shoulder. He handed him a small bag and urged him to follow. Shirou glanced inside the bag while following Gawain. Inside were his keyring, the notebook and his school shirt. Walking across the courtyard, they arrived at the inner gate, a heavy double door, roughly four meters high, reinforced with steel.

    Once inside they walked through a wide corridor. Stone braziers provided light. There were a number of side corridors with most of them having heavy, oak wooden doors with steel reinforcements. They arrived at a double door, which was decorated with carvings depicting a lake surrounded by a forest and figures that could only be described as faeries. There were two heavily armored guards, armed with halberds and long swords, guarding it. When they approached, the guards opened the doors.

    A huge rectangular room meant for festivities and receiving important visitors. This was the Great hall. Shirou's eyes followed the banner-decorated pillars upward to the fifteen meters high ceiling. The long slender windows on both sides of the room allowed sufficient daylight to enter. At the very end of the hall, on top of an elevation, stood the throne. A large wooden chair, decorated with beautiful carvings and an inlay of precious stones. There were a few important looking people and servants present. Shirou noticed them whispering as they casted curious glares at him.

    There was no one on the throne. Gawain stopped in front of the podium. Shirou was certain that they would have to wait for the king when suddenly a man in long green robes, carrying books and scrolls, walked up to them. The man had a plain face with thick eyebrows. His properly kept brown hair, mustache and beard showed that he was a man of importance. He clearly was not as young anymore, but he could not be called old either.

    “Sir Gawain. I see that you have finally arrived! The king was expecting you to arrive yesterday.” The man said irritated. “I hope you have a suitable explanation for your tardiness!”

    “I apologize, mister Halinard. There were some complications along the way.” Gawain cast a glance at Shirou. “I was traveling with a caravan to Camelot when we were ambushed by bandits. If this young man had not foiled the ambush, I would have been killed. He received an injury during the attack. Thus we decided to rest at an inn, so the man could recover.”

    Halinard studied Shirou curiously. “How interesting. I have never seen a person with a complexion like his before. Is he Saksen? Frankish, maybe?”

    “No. From what I could learn from him, it seems he hails from a country in the far east. Since he saved my life, it is only natural that I return the favor. At the very least he should receive a proper reward for his deeds.” Gawain nodded firmly.

    Halinard gestured to follow him. “Hmmmm. Follow me. The king is waiting to hear of thy findings.” He made his way to a door in the back.

    Gawain and Shirou followed him trough the door. They walked through a long broad corridor with various doors. At the end of the corridor they arrived at an rectangular room six meters long and four meters wide. Across the room from the corridor, there were another two heavy reinforced doors. In between the two doors was a large tapestry, hanging above a beautifully decorated table. The landscape engraved on it depicted a lush forest with rivers. They didn't went through the doors, but instead went up a wide set of stairs on the left.

    At the top of the stairs they arrived at another hallroom. Instead of going up the stairs on the opposite side of the room another set of stairs, they went through the decorated door on the right side of the hall to a wooden door with decorative carvings. Two of the same heavily armored guards Shirou saw at the great hall guarded it. Upon their arrival they snapped to attention and opened the door.

    The door led to a library. It was a huge room, filled with numerous bookcases and reading tables. Numerous windows and chandeliers provided lighting on several places Spiral staircases led up to stone walkways with even more bookcases. Shirou noticed several scribes and servants hurrying around carrying books and scrolls, archiving books copying writing documents and so on. They towards the back of the library where another door which led to a corridor lit by several standing candelabrum lining the walls. At the end was a door guarded by a single guard.

    “The king is expecting you.” The guard stepped aside and opened the door. Shirou's mind was swirling from excitement and anxiety. He was going to meet the legendary king Arthur.

    They entered a large circular room. On the left side stood a beautifully decorated table, with four matching chairs and a fruit scale on top. To the right stood a bookcase filled with scrolls and on the opposite side of the room was a large archway with wooden shutters, leading to a large semicircular balcony overlooking the courtyard. In the center stood a large desk decorated with carvings. The desktop had marble inlay along the borders. Behind it stood a matching chair and next to the desk stood another knight.

    But Shirou didn't pay attention to any of that because his attention was direct at the person standing behind the desk. A beautiful person, with perfectly textured golden hair, as if sprinkled with gold dust. A pair of emerald green eyes, like gems and an elegant face with soft, white skin. A small physique covered with shining armor and a blue dress underneath. It could be no other then king Arthur. However that realization hadn't yet sunken through to Shirou. He was rendered speechless when he saw the beautiful young girl in front of him.

    “Onna?” Shirou muttered silently to himself. Only the knight by the desk noticed it. He was tall with blond hair and gray-blue eyes. His bangs went past his cheeks and the back of his hair had two braids ending in ponytails. His tunic was dark blue with a grey shade mixed into it. His armor was simple but elegant.

    “My King.” Halinard made a small bow. “Sir Gawain has arrived. Also, I have some documents that need thou seal of approval.”

    “Thank you, mister Halinard. Please put them on the desk. I will review them at a later time. You may leave now.” The king with a voice clear like a chime, fitting for such a beautiful person.

    “Of course, my king.” Halinard bowed and left the room.

    “Ah, Sir Gawain. I was expecting you to arrive yesterday.” The king turned his gaze towards Gawain, her face expressionless. “Did something happen on your journey? And who, may I ask, have you brought here before us?”

    Gawain told Arthur of his journey. The caravan, the bandit's ambush and how Shirou foiled it. How he saved him and how Shirou shielded him from the shot which was meant for him. And of their stay at the inn to have him recover from his wound. The king was listening attentively.

    “The bandits are getting more and more bold. What could be the cause of this?” The other knight pondered. “You say that this young man had foiled the ambush?” He turned to face Shirou. “That was a really courageous thing to do, young man. You have earned my respect. To risk ones life for another is an act befitting a knight. Would you not agree, my king?”

    “I agree, Sir Bedivere. I thank you for thy service, young man. Is there anything you want in return?” Arthur looked at Shirou, her face still expressionless. Then she noticed Shirou's uncertain expression. “Is there something wrong?”

    “My king, I should inform you that he does not speak our language, outside a few basic words and phrases.” Gawain explained quickly.

    “That would be a problem. In any case, I am pleased to meat you, Emiya Shirou.”

    Shirou understood what she just said “Yoroshiku onegai shimasu, Arthur – ou.”

    “Uh...Do you know what did he just said, sir Gawain?” Arthur looked at Gawain with slight expression of wonder.

    “Uhm, I am not entirely sure, my king, but I think it means something like 'Well met.' or something likewise.”

    Arthur gave a nod.“It is troublesome to not be able to communicate clearly with one another. I will ask Merlin to do something about it when he returns this evening. I have no doubt that he can solve this problem. Sir Bedivere.”

    “Yes, my king?” Sir Bedivere stood at attention.

    “Show Emiya Shirou to one of the guest rooms and provide him with something to eat. For the time being you are to be his attendant. Sir Gawain, you will remain here and report your findings.”

    “Certainly, my king!” Both knights answered in unison and placed their right fist on their hearts.

    “please follow me, Emiya Shirou.” Sir Bedivere motioned Shirou to follow. Shirou nodded in acknowledgment and followed him. They backtracked through the library into the small hall, and went up the other set of stairs to the next floor. They arrived at a room with another set of broad stairs leading leading up to an elevated area. The area traced the walls in the shape of a U with both ends lead to a door. A large double door stood way in front of the stairs.

    Sir Bedivere guided Shirou through the door on the left. A large rectangular chamber resides within. A square table for four stood in the middle. Above it hung a chandelier. Tapestries and a painting of a grassland with hills and a lake decorated the walls. On the opposite end of the room was a large fire place flanked by two windows. The stock of firewood and the couch gave it a cosy feeling. Three doors leaving the room, two on the left and a third on the right.

    Shirou noticed some servants cleaning the floor and dusting the tapestries. Upon their entrance, they all turned to face Sir Bedivere and Shirou.

    “Sir Bedivere. How can we be of service?” One of the female servants asked.

    “Please prepare a room for the king's guest and send someone to the kitchen to fetch a meal for him.” Sir Bedivere ordered politely.

    “Immediately, my lord.” The female servant bowed. “Emma, go to the kitchen and let them prepare a meal for our guest. Avril and Gertie prepare the room. Eded light the fireplace it might be rather chilly up here for our guest.” The women ordered.

    “Yes, head mistress.”

    “Is there something else that you would require, sir Bedivere?”

    “Not at the moment.”

    “Good day and welcome. It's our honor to attend to the king's guest.” The headmistress said to Shirou. Shirou looked at the woman and tried to figure out what she just said.

    “I should inform you that he is a foreigner and has only a limited understanding of our language. For the moment, I am his attendant.”

    “Understood. We have just finished cleaning this section, so we will take our leave momentarily.”

    “Headmistress, the chamber is ready and Eded hast lighted the fireplace” Avril reported when he returned.

    “Alright then. Come on everybody, there are still more places to clean. I bid thee good day, sir Bedivere. If you need anything, you just need to call.” The headmistress bowed and left with the other servants.

    Shirou walked around a bit, exploring the rooms while sir Bedivere sat at the fire place carving a figurine from a piece of wood. A servant brought him a meal, consisting of gray bread, some slices of cheese, a sausage and grapes, accompanied with some ale. It wasn't a bad meal, but the sausage was a bit though and he only took a couple of sips of the ale. He offered the remaining ale to Bedivere, who politely accepted it. Shirou had to cut the sausage with a dagger and eat it with his bare hands, which was rather hot.

    So he decided to make some chopsticks after the meal. Luckily, he found two suitable pieces of wood amongst the firewood. He took a chair and sat himself next to the fire place. Bedivere observed him while he continued working on his figurine.

    Shirou saw he had another knife on his belt and pointed at it with a questioning expression. Bedivere understood what Shirou wanted and handed it to him. This was the first time Shirou made chopsticks, but he managed rather well. He was satisfied when finished and returned the dagger to Bedivere. Shirou had to suppress a smirk when he saw Bedivere staring in confusion at the two sticks. He gave Bedivere a you-will-know-soon-enough expression. It was late in the afternoon when someone knocked on the door.

    “Come in.” Bedivere said. A guard stepped inside.

    “Pardon me, Sir Bedivere. The king let's you know that he is waiting for you and Emiya Shirou at Merlin's tower.”

    “Thank you for informing us. I will take him there. You may return to your post.” The guard saluted and left. Bedivere stood up and motioned to Shirou to follow him. They walked through a number of corridors and made their way toward the east side of the castle. There was a door, with a magic circle drawn on it, leading to the tower. Bedivere walked up to the door and knocked. The one who opened was Gawain.

    “There you are. We have been waiting for you.” Gawain stepped aside to let them in. They entered a large circular room of about ten meters in diameter. In the middle was a large magic circle drawn on the floor. On the south end of the room stood several tables covered with alchemical equipment, books and scrolls. There were several shelves filled with ingredients and potions along the wall and on the opposite side, the wall was lined with bookcases filled to the brim with books and scrolls. And immediately to the left was a set of stairs following the curve of the tower leading to the floor above. Most certainly to Merlin's private quarters.

    Light was provided by series of windows, along with several standing candelabrum. King Arthur stood by a small table near the bookcase, next to the king stood an old man, dressed in simple, brown robes. His hair and beard were completely white, but his face and clear blue eyes, made him look rather young for his age.

    “Ah, there you are.” Arthur said with a calm voice. “Let me introduce you Emiya Shirou. This my friend, advisor and Magus, Merlin.”

    “A pleasure to meet you.” Merlin stood up and extended his right hand. Shirou shook his hand and smiled.

    “I am Emiya Shirou. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu.”

    “Oho. What an interesting language you speak. My king, I think I can remedy our communication problem. With your permission, I would like to proceed.” Merlin said with an eager voice.

    “Please do.”

    “Alright then. This will only take a moment. This will be a bit unpleasant, I fear.” He said to Shirou with a mischievous grin, which made Shirou feel a bit uncomfortable. He closed Shirou's eyes and laid his hand on his forehead. Then he closed his own eyes and murmured an incantation.

    Shirou's body began to feel hot. Words, sentences, …. An entire language was being poured inside his head. It hurts. He thought his head was going to explode when it suddenly stopped. Shirou fell on his knees, wiping the sweat of his forehead and looked up. Merlin was sitting on a stool but he was visibly less exhausted then Shirou and in a good mood. Gawain walked up to him with a mildly worried expression, and helped him up.

    “Are you alright, Emiya Shirou?” Shirou looked at him in surprise. He fully understood what Gawain just had said.

    “Yes, I'm alright.”

    “Looks like Merlin's magic worked.” Bedivere commented with a smile.

    “Of course it worked. Don't forget who I am.” Merlin said with feigned annoyance. “You should now be able to understand everything we say, Emiya Shirou. By the way, when I gave you the knowledge of our language, I took the liberty to extract the knowledge of your's. I am always eager to learn new things and well ... I hope you don't mind.”

    “Uh … Well no, I don't mind.” Shirou sighed heavily and glared mildly at Merlin. “But please ask me first the next time you do such thing, Alright? Do you like the language of my homeland?”

    “Oh, I do. I do indeed. It is completely different then any other language known to us.” Merlin was definitely excited about his acquisition.

    “Well, that problem is solved.” Arthur looked at Shirou approvingly. “Emiya Shirou, Sir Gawain has told me of how you foiled the bandit's ambush. For your bravery, I offer you my gratitude as well as a reward. You may ask anything in return. Provided it is within reason, of course.”

    “Uhm … Thank you for the offer, but I don't need a reward. The only thing I want is to return home, so....” Arthur and the others were momentarily stunned. “Did I say something wrong?”

    “Uh... no, of course not. This was just the first time anyone had turned down a reward.” Arthur regained her composure. “But if that is all you wish for, then I will do my utmost to help you to return to your home. Merlin, do you think you can help him?”

    “I might be able to find a solution to his predicament if I know how he got here.” Merlin nodded as he stroked his beard. “Why don't we discuss this later this evening over a cup of ale?”

    “Thank you, Merlin-san.”

    “Before we move on, there is on thing that I want clarify.” Merlin looked at Shirou with some intrigue . “I could not help but noticing it when I was doing the language exchange. Emiya Shirou, you are a Magus, are you not?” Another surprise, though not as big as Shirou's rejection of the reward.

    “Yes, I am. But only an amateur.” Merlin nodded and began to ponder.

    “An amateur you said. Hmmmm. If that is true than I got a suggestion. If thou would chose so, I could learn you a thing or two for as long as you remain here, as a reward for your actions.” Merlin made quite an offer. Shirou felt a bit overwhelmed. Being taught magecraft by the legendary Merlin!

    “You? Teaching him magic? Are you planning something again?” Bedivere seemed skeptical about his proposal as were Arthur and Gawain. Merlin shrugged his shoulders and grinned sheepishly.

    “I have a feeling about this boy. Besides, if he is not interested in a reward from the king, he maybe interested in learning magic from me.” Merlin's gleamed with curiosity and mischief, which unnerved Shirou a little.

    “And let us guess. While he practices magic under your tutelage, you will make him either a victim or an accomplice of your pranks.” Gawain said unamused.

    “Oh, sir Gawain. How could thee even suggest such a thing. Truly, I am shocked by your accusation.” Merlin held his hand on his hearth, with an expression of faked innocence on his face. Arthur, Bedivere and Gawain all sighed, shaking their heads with exasperation. Gawain however looked more irritated then the rest. No, more like anger born from embarrassment. Merlin noticed this. “Oh! Come now, Sir Gawain. Are you still mad about that little incident?” Gawain grumbled and looked the other way.

    “In any case. Emiya Shirou, shall we go and discuss the matter of returning you home? We can discuss the matter over some ale. It is only a couple more hours until supper. Sir Gawain, sir Bedivere. You are also invited.”

    “Thank you, my king.” They said in unison. Arthur turned back to Shirou and walked right in front of him.

    “Thank you for the honor, but you don't need to call me by my full name. You can call me Emiya-san or Shirou-san if you want.”

    “San?” Arthur asked inquisitively.

    “Ah, 'san' is a neutral/polite honorific used in my language. In my country honorifics are added after either the surname or first name. Also, in my country we place the surname before the first name when addressing or referring to someone, so Emiya is my surname.”

    “Ahh, how interesting. Very well then. I will henceforth call you Shirou. Yes, it has a pleasant ring to it. Would you like to ...” Arthur stopped mid-sentence as Shirou suddenly took a step backwards.“Is something wrong, Shirou? Why are you looking at me like that?” She tilted her head questioningly.

    “Oh, Sorry. I couldn't help it. It was quite the surprise. To think that the legendary king Arthur was a girl.” Shirou said, averting his gaze. She was incredibly beautiful. Bedivere and Gawain had to smirk, upon hearing Shirou's words. Arthur only raised a brow. Merlin's face however was expressionless. Shirou was surprised by the sudden mood change. “Did I say something wrong?”

    “No, you are not the first one to mistake me for a young girl. First of all, I have stopped aging ever since I pulled the sword from the stone. I have already seen twenty-five winters in my life. While I may look like a girl to most who see me for the first time.t I promise you that I am a man.” Arthur declared with a firm expression. “Now, if you would follow me.”

    Shirou stood there for a moment unmoving.
    No, that's a lie. Arthur is most definitely a girl. Well I guess the people in the dark ages only accept a male as their king, so it shouldn't be to surprising that she pretends to be a male. But somehow the way she made that statement bothered him.

    “Hey, are you dreaming?” Shirou snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. Gawain was looking at him with a grin. “There is no need to worry about it. This is not the first time that this has happened. Many of us had suspicions about the king's gender, but once you take his immortality into account it is not that surprising any more. He is just that handsome.”

    Shirou started following the king, but before he left Merlin's tower, he looked behind him. His eyes met with Merlin's intense gaze. And Shirou knew, that he knew, that Shirou hadn't accepted Arthur's claim of being a man unlike everybody else.

    Chapter 4

    Fate/stay Night: Across time

    Chapter 4: An evening with the king

    Shirou followed king Arthur back towards the guest rooms. When they arrived at the room with the elevated area, they went up the wide stairs through the double door. It was a large square room, with a high sealing. On the left side was a long table, with enough room for at least ten people and on the right side was a huge fireplace. The fire place was at least three meters wide and two meters high with a large carpet laying in front of it. In front of the fire place stood several couches and armchairs arranged around a small round table. There was a large chandelier hanging in the middle of the room, providing light, along with several standing candelabrum along the walls.

    Several paintings and tapestries decorated the room. On the left of the entry was another double door and at the end of the room was an archway leading to a huge terrace with a small garden and several marble sculptures. A male servant was maintaining a small fire in the fireplace when they entered. He looked up when he saw the king enter and bowed.

    “My king. How can I be of assistance?”

    “Please bring some whine for us and inform the kitchen that four more people will be joining me tonight.”

    “Certainly, my liege.” The servant hurried of.

    “Come let us talk by the fire, Shirou.” Arthur motioned to the fireplace. She took a seat in a large armchair while Shirou took a seat on the couch facing her. “Tell me, where do you hail from?”

    “I come from a place called Japan. It is an island nation, just like England, situated in the far east.”

    “The far east, you say. I heard about the tales of how Iskandar conquered many lands in his quest to find Okeanos. If your homeland is an island nation, than that must mean the sea at the other end of the world does exist.” Arthur said with hint of amazement.

    The doors opened and Gawain, Bedivere and Merlin entered, along with a young woman. The woman had long, curly, chestnut brown hair, baby-blue eyes and fair skin. Shirou believed her to be in her early twenties. She wore a long, purple dress, trimmed with gold.

    “Ahhh, you have arrived. Come join us by the fire, my queen. Shirou, let me introduce you to my spouse, queen Guinevere.”

    “It is a pleasure to meet you, Emiya Shirou. Sir Gawain has already told me a little about you.” She extended her hand. Shirou felt a little nervous on how to respond, so he gave her a handshake. This led too several stunned expressions.

    “Hihi, you were supposed to kiss my hand.” She smiled from amusement. “you are certainly not familiar with our customs.” She sat herself down next to Arthur. “But no harm done. In hindsight it was a little amusing. I am looking forward to know you better.”

    “Yes, please tell us more about yourself. I am curious to learn more about my savior.” Gawain sat himself down, as did Merlin and Bedivere.

    “Well, as I said earlier, I come from the island nation of Japan in the far East. I'm seventeen years old and I live alone in my father's home.”

    “Alone? Don't you have any other relatives?” Bedivere asked.

    “No. My father, Emiya Kiritsugu, died five years ago and I don't have any other living relatives.”

    “Oh, dear. The passing of someone you care about is always a tragic event. I imagine that it must have been hard for you.” Guinevere said with a sympathetic tone.

    “No, actually. I was lucky to have had Fuji-nee looking after me. Her full name is Fujimura Taiga and she is my guardian and someone I hold dear. Her grandfather was a close friend of my father. He takes care for all the financial aspects of the house until I am old enough. And there is Sakura as well.”

    “It sounds you have reliable people looking after you.” Arthur commented. Someone knocked on the door. “Come in.”

    “Apologies for the wait, my king. I have brought the wine you have requested.” The servant walked to the table and put down several copper goblets and two bottles of whine. Then he started pouring the wine. “Supper will arrive shortly.”

    “Thank you. You may leave now.”

    “Yes, my king.”

    Everybody took a sip from the whine. Gawain was really gulping it down, but Shirou only timidly tasted the whine.

    “Is the whine not to your liking, mister Emiya?” Guinevere asked.

    “No, that's not it. I've rarely tasted whine before and I'm not good at handling liquor to begin with.” Shirou put his goblet back on the table.

    “That is unfortunate. If I may ask, does everyone in your homeland wear similar clothes like that.” Guinevere casted a curious glance at Shirou's clothes.

    “Well, the materials are pretty common place. I normally wear a matching shirt, but it got torn and covered in blood after I saved sir Gawain.” Shirou took his ruined school shirt from the bag. “Looks like I need to get my spare shirt when I return home.”

    “That was certainly a serious wound.” Bedivere commented when he saw the blood stained shirt. “But according to sir Gawain your wound has already fully healed. You must posses some potent healing magic.”

    “Well ... no. I told you in before that I'm just an amateur Magus. Before I got here, I healed just like any other normal human. I don't know why it healed so fast.”

    “Speaking of magic. Can you tell me what kind of magic you posses?” Merlin looked at Shirou with curiosity. “I would like to know more about the spells you know and your magic crest.”

    “Well, I don't have a magic crest. Kiritsugu was my adoptive father, so I couldn't inherit his crest. Besides, he didn't want to pass it down to me even if he could. As for magic, I only know strengthening magic and Kiritsugu only thought me magic for three years.”

    “I see. It is pretty strange for magus to not want to pass on their crest. In this case it is, however, understandable.” Merlin sounded a bit disappointed. “And strengthening magic is the only thing you can use? You really are an amateur. Can you tell me about how you were trained?”

    Shirou told them what his father thought him and how he had trained for the past eight years. Everybody was listening attentively. When he finished his story, Merlin's face had grown pale and his eyes were wide from disbelief.

    “Uhm...pardon me, Merlin. But judging from you expression, it seems that whatever Shirou told us was rather disturbing. We would not know because we are not Magi, so could you please explain to us what it was that shocked you so much?” Bedivere inquired worryingly.

    “Disturbing would not begin to cut it! Emiya Shirou, the way you have been thought magecraft is completely wrong. A magus doesn't make a new magic circuit each time he wants to use magic. They just activate the circuits that are already present within themselves.” Merlin took a big gulp of wine to calm down. “Producing a new circuit each time you want to use magic is inherently dangerous. No wonder you are so bad at magic.”

    “I knew performing magic was dangerous. My dad always told me that a Magus had death always right beside him.” Shirou's face had gotten a bit pale after Merlin's outburst. “Practicing magic is hard after all.”

    “Hard? My training was hard. Your training, if one could even call it that, was literally tempting dead each time. You have been training like that for eight years!? It is nothing short of a miracle that you are still alive!” Merlin raised his voice in agitation. “Your father either had no clue of what he was doing or he was secretly hoping for you to kill yourself or something likewise! You should have looked for someone who could have thought you how to be a proper Magus.”

    Shirou always new that what he did was dangerous, but after that Merlin told him that he was needlessly tempting dead, he felt a bit depressed. “Well, I didn't know any other Magi besides my father. And besides, he told me that I should become a magic user, rather than a Magus. Apparently there is more happiness found in just being able to use magic than being a fully fledged Magus.”

    “Well, as a Magus I can not really approve of that statement, but he was not completely wrong on that part.” Merlin calmed down a bit.

    “In any case, let us discus the issue of helping you to return home. Perhaps you should tell us how you came here. It could help us get a better understanding of the situation.” Said Arthur.

    “Yes, that would indeed be useful.” Shirou told them of the portals and how he arrived here by accidentally touching one. Everybody listened to Shirou's explanation with intrigue.

    “Hmmm, such a thing could only have occurred through something of tremendous, magical power.” Merlin pondered. “You said that you never had seen such thing before, but despite that, you seemed to know quite a lot about it. Why is that?”

    “Well an acquaintance of mine had lost this notebook. I found it and wanted to return it to her the next day. Unfortunately I came into contact with the portal that night and ended up here.” Shirou took the notebook from his bag and handed it to Merlin. “The first night I spend here, I had taken a look at it. It contained quite some information about the portals, although I haven't read all of it. I don't know if you can read it though.”

    “No need to worry about that. I know the Japanese writing too.” Merlin said calmly as he started reading. His face betrayed how excited and curious he was. “That is some strange parchment. Never seen anything like this before.”

    “Well, it isn't parchment, but paper actually.” Shirou said with a casual tone.

    “Paper? I hast never seen anything like this. No doubt such a fine material must be quite expensive. That person must be wealthy to afford such a fine writing material. Truly amazing, I did not know that there existed writing material of this high quality.” But as he read it further, his expression started to show signs of suspicion.

    “Not really. It is very common and cheap where I come from.” Shirou smiled somewhat nervously from Merlin's exited reaction. Not so surprising. Paper is a real luxury in this time. Do they have paper in this time? Shirou didn't know for sure.

    “It seems that your country is a very advanced nation.” Arthur and the others were no less impressed than Merlin. “Maybe I should consider forming an alliance with your homeland. England could really benefit from it”

    “I think you should not be so hasty, king Arthur.” Merlin looked Shirou in the eyes with an imperceptible expression. “There is something I would like to clarify first.”

    “What do you mean, Merlin” Gawain was looking from Merlin to Shirou. “Is there something wrong?”

    “Not necessarily wrong, but I feel Shirou has not been completely honest with us.” Merlin declared flatly. “Emiya Shirou, you said that you came from a land in the far east, which was the truth. But! You have withheld something important regarding you origins haven't you?” Everyone now looked at Shirou in bewilderment. Shirou began fidgeting nervously.

    “What do you mean, Merlin?” Surprise was mixed in Arthur's usually calm voice. “Are you saying that Shirou has deceived us?”

    “Not necessarily deceived, but he did not tell us everything. What I discovered from reading this, is that Emiya Shirou is not from this time. When I read through this book, I noticed the dates written by each entry. These dates span across approximately eight years, from February 1994 to January 2002.”

    The room went silent. Bewilderment made place for disbelief. Shirou sighed. Now he had no choice but to tell them.

    “Shirou, could you please explain what the meaning is of this?” Artur asked with an incredulous tone.

    “Well, I … I wasn't sure if I should have told you this. I mean, being transported to the other side of the world is already hard to believe, is it not? sigh Would you have believed me if I told you?”

    “Hmm, there is some truth to your words. You were not entirely wrong about keeping this fact hidden.” Arthur nodded in understanding. “Indeed, claiming that you came from the future would only have served to invite suspicion and doubt. People would probably question your sanity.”

    “This is incredible. What year did you say he came from?” Gawain's was trying to restrain his excitement. He was looking at Shirou intensely, which made him feel a bit nervous because of it. “Being saved by a man from another age. That is quite a saga.” Gawain took a sip of wine.

    “I'm from the year 2004.” Everybody in the room fell silent as this fact sank in. The silence was disturbed when somebody knocked on the door and entered. It was the servant.

    “Supper is ready, my king.” A bunch of servants entered carrying pots, plates and dishes.

    “Ah, good. Why don't we discuss this further at the table.” Arthur took her goblet and went to the table. Everybody followed suit. Guinevere and Arthur sat at the head of the table. Merlin sat between Guinevere and Bedivere. Shirou wanted to sit down next to Bedivere, but Bedivere stopped him.

    “You are the king's honored guest. Your place is at the king's right side.” Bedivere explained with a polite tone. Shirou looked from Bedivere to Arthur. The king nodded in confirmation so Shirou sat down between Gawain and Arthur, as the servants placed the food on the table. It consisted of mainly of raw vegetables with vinegar, roasted meat and poultry. Merlin was reading the notebook while the table was being set.

    “So Shirou, you came here through that strange portal, right? Could you tell me where it is located?” Merlin asked. “If I know the general location, I could send some familiars to find it.”

    “Well, It is a few hours walking through the forest from where the ambush took place.” Shirou was happy that Merlin said that he would try and find it. Hopefully he could soon return home.

    “Hmmm. Sir Gawain could you mark the spot on a map where the ambush took place?”

    “That should not be a problem. I will stop by your tower later and show it to you.”

    “May I suggest that we eat now. The food would turn cold otherwise.”

    “A good idea, my queen.” Arthur said in approval. “Enjoy the meal everybody.”

    Shirou looked around for tableware, but he found only a knife besides his plate, there was nothing else. Everybody was grabbing food from the dishes with their bare hands. They used the knife only to cut the meat. Suddenly Gawain put some vegetables and a slice of meat on Shirou's plate.

    “No need to be timid, my friend. Eat to your hearth's content.” Gawain said with a smile. Judging from how Gawain was chomping down the food, it must be pretty good despite it's simplicity. The others were eating at a steady pace.

    “Itadakimasu.” Shirou said, provoking some curious glances from the others. He took the chopsticks he made earlier from his pocket. He held down the meat with the sticks, while he cut it. Shirou found the meat rather tough to cut. He took some porridge along with the a piece of meat and put it in his mouth. The food wasn't really tasty. Especially the meat. It had definitely been roasted for too long. It isn't really polite to criticize someone else's cooking, so Shirou kept it to himself.

    “So that's what those sticks were for.” Bedivere smiled in understanding. He had been wondering why Shirou had made them. “Does everybody use sticks to eat in your country?”

    “Yes, they are the traditional cutlery of my homeland.”

    “It looks an effective way to eat. Definitely much cleaner then eating with ones bare hands.” Arthur looked at the chopsticks with interest. “Can I try them?”

    “Sure. Here you go.” Shirou handed the chopsticks over to Arthur and showed her the proper way to hold them. When Shirou touched Arthur's hand, he couldn't help but notice their smooth softness. Arthur got used to them rather fast, must be because of her warrior skills. After eating a few bites, Arthur returned them to Shirou.

    “It most certainly is a clean way of eating, maybe I should consider to teach it to my people.” They finished the meal a short while later.

    “So, Shirou. How was the food?” Gawain's asked with a slightly hopeful tone.

    “It was, hmmm … different from what I'm used to.” Gawain nodded, though he seemed to have expected a better answer.

    “Now, back to the issue at hand. There is something else I want to ask you.” Merlin said with a dead serious tone and a dubious expression. “The creation of these portals could only have occurred through the use of an enormous amount of magical energy. This book confirms my theory. According to this book, these portals were caused by something called the Holy Grail War. Do you know anything about that?” A heavy silence fell when Merlin mentioned the Holy Grail.

    “The Holy Grail? What do you mean by that? Are you saying that the Holy Grail is located in Shirou's country” For the first time since Shirou got here, Arthur had lost some of her usual demeanor. Shirou wasn't that surprised. The legend of king Arthur did mention that the king searched for the Holy Grail, or more accurately had ordered the search for it. Shirou subsequently told them what little he knew about it. About the servants and their masters participating in the ritual called the Holy Grail War, in order to obtain the omnipotent wish granting device.

    “So, seven Magi summon seven Servants, souls of great heroes, to fight over the possession of the Holy Grail.” Arthur repeated softly. This news was obviously both worrying and intriguing to her.

    “This is truly remarkable. This means that if we would go through that portal, we would have a chance to obtain the Holy Grail!” Gawain smiled. “What do you say, my king?.”

    “I am not sure. The prospect of obtaining the Grail is tempting. If it was present in our own time, I would have brought to Camelot. However, since it is not, it would be best to leave it be. For now, we should do well to keep this a secret. If our enemies would learn of this, they might attempt to travel to Shirou's time in order to obtain the Grail for their own benefit.” Gawain, Bedivere and Merlin agreed with the king's assessment.

    “At any rate. Based on what we have learned today, I think we could help Shirou return home. However I suggest that we look for a way to seal this portal on our side as well.” Merlin urged. “I will send out familiars to look for the portals location, but from what I could garner from this book, it seems it could take several days before it opens again.”

    “That is probably the best course of action. Well then, Shirou. It seems that you will be staying here for a while. Do you have any idea about what you want to do while you remain here?”

    “I don't know, but I think I will take up Merlin's offer to teach me.”

    “Splendid! Tomorrow afternoon would be a good time.” Merlin smiled cordial. “Uhhm. If you don't mind, I will return the book when I finished it.”

    “No, it's alright. As long as I can return it to Tohsaka.” Shirou scratched his cheek.

    “Alright. I will see you tomorrow then. Good night to all of you.” Merlin stood up and left. A moment later, the servants returned to clean the table.

    Arthur looked outside the window. It was already getting late. The moon and stars were already shining brightly. “We should get some sleep too.”

    Everybody started to rise from their seats. “Sir Bedivere, would you escort Shirou to his chambers for tonight.”

    “Of course, my king. Emiya Shirou, if you would follow me.”

    “ I don't think that would be necessary. I mean, it is just across the hall.” Bedivere lifted an eyebrow and looked questioningly to his king.

    “Hmmm. Very well, Shirou. I guess you wouldn't get lost when your chambers are so near.” Arthur nodded. “I will have a servant bring you some clothes tomorrow. That way you should draw less attention.”

    “That would indeed be helpful. Thank you.” Shirou smiled in appreciation. “I bid you good night then.” Shirou stood up and left.

    “What do you think, my king.” Bedivere was frowning while he pondered about the recent revelations. “This talk about time travel, the Holy Grail War ...”

    “It was an interesting story. And while I had some trouble taking it all in, I don't believe he was lying.” Arthur admitted. “I like him. I don't really know why, but I feel some sort of connection with him. Like a feeling of kinship. I don't know how else to describe it.” Everybody was looking at the king with wonder.

    “In any case, the young man sure has courage. He took that bolt which was meant for me without hesitation.” Gawain pounded his fist on his hearth. “It was an act of pure selflessness, worthy of a knight. He has earned my approval.” Arthur and the others could only agree with that.

    “Well then. I think it is about time we all went to sleep. Would you not agree, my king.” Guinevere covered a small yawn with her hand.

    “Indeed. Sir Gawain, Sir Bedivere. I bid you good night.” Arthur and Guinevere stood up and exited to the double door on the left side of the room. Bedivere too left the room. Gawain remained behind for a while longer to finish his drink, when he noticed one of the servants crouching by the fireplace.

    “What are you doing over there?” Gawain asked, startling the servant. It was the servant that brought the whine earlier. He looked up at Gawain in surprise.

    “Nothing, Sir Gawain. I had dropped this lucky charm, my daughter made for me, when I was serving the whine.” He held up a small stone with a rune on it, hanging from a leather string with beads.

    Gawain stared at it for a moment. “Ohh, that is all? Sorry for startling you.”

    “No harm done, sir.” The servant put the charm around his neck and returned to cleaning the table.


    Meanwhile in the ruined fortress, deep inside the basement, two persons were standing over a pedestal with a magic circle engraved in it. A rune symbol was inscribed at the center of the circle. The same rune as the one on the servant's necklace.

    “What do you think, my son. Using those charms to communicate and to listen in on conversations was a good idea. Even if I say so myself.” One of the two said. It was a woman, dressed in night blue robes. Her name was Morgan Le Fay, King Arthur's sister.

    “Indeed it was, mother.” The other person replied with a slightly annoyed tone. A knight of small stature, covered in heavy silver-white armor, decorated with red markings. It had a matching helmet with two long, dark-gray horns, giving the knight the appearance of a silver demon. “That was an interesting conversation my father had. Mother, what doth thou think?”

    “Now we know what that strange fog is.” Morgan tapped her finger on her cheek.

    “You mean the one that you found in the small cave, under the ruined watchtower?” Mordred looked at his mother. “Indeed it is interesting. Though I don't think we have any use in traveling to the future.”

    “I am not so sure of that, my son. The part about a Holy Grail was certainly interesting. That is worth investigating.” Mordred sank into thought. Indeed, he had not considered the possibilities an artifact like the Holy Grail could offer. It was so obvious.

    “We should invite this Emiya Shirou over for a conversation, would you not say, my son.” Morgan smiled wickedly. “If we can get this Grail in our possession, we could use it to seize the throne and destroy the king and her knights.

    “He must be the one who foiled Giraud's ambush. I will inquire him about what he knows. Afterwards we can discus of how we can get our hands on him.” Mordred left the chamber with an euphoric feeling. An omni-potent wish granting device! His mother would of course wish for king Arthur's destruction, but Mordred however had a different wish in mind. And he would see it granted.

    Last edited by FSNdeluxe; March 31st, 2015 at 12:20 PM.

  3. #3
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    >this font

    Gaaaah. Use the site font.

  4. #4
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    space your words.

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    Also use the default font.

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  5. #5
    闇色の六王 ~ ♡ Renko's Avatar
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    The fic is okay. The font is really bad though. It makes reading very.....


    Quote Originally Posted by Thedoctor View Post
    Why can't we all be as sexually devious as Renko?

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    "I really loathe Fanfictions that are so horrendously horrible, it makes me want to go get my massive NAIL BAT OF RAPTURE and swing it real HARD to any AUTHOR who will dare create such filthy and disgusting piece of literature!"


  6. #6
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Okay, I switched it to the default font. But seriously, ... the font? Is it that big an issue?
    I was hopping for some content related comments instead.

    Any way, Frostyvale told me that many people don't comment because I present the material wrong. (covering to much what has already been covered in canon.) Do you agree?

  7. #7
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    Having a different font than what people expects grates on the eyes and expectations. Many people will not read a fic soley because the font is different. Call it a quirk if you will, but it's what people expect. I may actually get to reading the first chapter now, I can't promise I'll say anything though.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I don't particularly like the story being in spoiler tags, the extra box is distracting.

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    And the Holy Grail War was the ritual to obtain the Grail.
    This sentence feels superfluous. The name of the war itself implies that it's being fought over the holy grail, you didn't really need to explicitly tell us.

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    Seven masters summon 7 servants to wage a bloody war to obtain the Grail.
    You're not being consistent. It should be either 7 masters summon 7 or seven masters summon seven, preferrably the second one.

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    The result was the huge inferno that destroyed a large area of Fuyuki city and the appearances of strange anomaly's around the city.

    - - - Updated - - -

    “This is the fifth one in 2 months. It's getting on my nerves! These things just keep appearing and disappearing.” Said the first man annoyed.
    This word is superfluous, it's clear that he's annoyed from what he said, you don't need to say it again. Also spell out numbers in general, in my experience just putting the number intterupts the flow of the sentence.

    - - - Updated - - -

    “Just be quiet. You'll attract unnecessary attention. Help me set up the boundary field before someone sees it.” Said the other calmly.
    This feels a bit dry, I'd use something more vibrant or interesting to read than the action and a bare adjective. For example, "The other one replied calmly" or "The other one replied in a calm tone of voice."

    - - - Updated - - -

    There is a separate team conducting an in-dept investigation
    in depth
    Last edited by SINIB; January 21st, 2015 at 07:22 PM.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  8. #8
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Okay, I switched it to the default font. But seriously, ... the font? Is it that big an issue?
    I was hopping for some content related comments instead.

    Any way, Frostyvale told me that many people don't comment because I present the material wrong. (covering to much what has already been covered in canon.) Do you agree?

  9. #9
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    A couple seconds passed until Eagle-eye and the priest returned.

    “Back already?” Charles and the others were stunned by their fast return.

    “Already?” Eagle-eye and the priest were taken by surprise. “Uh, how long were we gone?”

    “You returned two, maybe three seconds later.” Said one of the priests. The others nodding in confirmation.

    “A couple of seconds?” The priest and Eagle-eye looked at each other in bewilderment. “We have spend half a day on the other side.” The priest declared flatly.

    “Half a day, you say?” Charles stammered.

    “We will figure that one out later. Now tell us! What did you find?” urged one of the other priests.

    “You are not gonna believe what we saw!” replied Eagle-eye with a complacent expression.
    This dialogue feels flat.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by FSNdeluxe View Post
    Okay, I switched it to the default font. But seriously, ... the font? Is it that big an issue?
    I was hopping for some content related comments instead.

    Any way, Frostyvale told me that many people don't comment because I present the material wrong. (covering to much what has already been covered in canon.) Do you agree?
    ummm, why did you post this again?

    - - - Updated - - -

    As the investigation continued, they discovered that the anomaly's where portals to the past. From what they discerned to be England during the 5th or 6th century.

    - - - Updated - - -

    The prologue, which should have served to draw me in, make me interested in continuing reading your story, instead presends me with bland dialogue and infodumps I already know. Your first paragraph is what gives me the first impression, it should be something new, exciting, or both. It most definetly should not be an infodump about the Grail War. Then, by the end of the prologue, I've found out it's a time travel fic, and with all the previously mentioned mess ups, I don't have confidence that reading this is worth my time. The start of a story is extremely important, especially with fanfiction.
    Last edited by SINIB; January 21st, 2015 at 07:39 PM.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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  10. #10
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Okay, I changed the prologue a little. Is it a little better?

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    紅魔|吸血鬼 Frostyvale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sakura Is Not Into Bondage View Post
    Thank you so much.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FSNdeluxe View Post
    Okay, I changed the prologue a little. Is it a little better?
    There are still some stray numbers, the dialogue still falls flat, and anyway, this:
    The prologue, which should have served to draw me in, make me interested in continuing reading your story, instead presends me with bland dialogue and infodumps I already know. Your first paragraph is what gives me the first impression, it should be something new, exciting, or both. It most definetly should not be an infodump about the Grail War. Then, by the end of the prologue, I've found out it's a time travel fic, and with all the previously mentioned mess ups, I don't have confidence that reading this is worth my time. The start of a story is extremely important, especially with fanfiction.
    remains the major problem, and you've done nothing to fix it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  13. #13
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sakura Is Not Into Bondage View Post
    There are still some stray numbers, the dialogue still falls flat, and anyway, this:

    remains the major problem, and you've done nothing to fix it.
    I will fix that at a later date. But regarding the dialogue, do you have any advice of how to improve it?

  14. #14
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    No, sorry. I'm not confident in my ability to write witty or interesting dialogue.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  15. #15
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    do you know anybody who might help me with that?

  16. #16
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    No, sorry again. My only advice is to read alot of books. You learn alot about writing from doing that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  17. #17
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Ironicly, I did read many books. BTW: I suppose you didn't read chapter 1?

  18. #18
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    Not as of yet, I may read it later so I can give you some more advice if I get bored.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
    SINIB is already a fan of the best whore. Well, she's not a whore per se, but I have it on good authority that she moves like an experienced prostitute.

  19. #19
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Very well. I shall look into changing the main issue of the prologue later. Good bey.

  20. #20
    Sakura~ SINIB's Avatar
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    Good luck!

    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant View Post
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