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Last edited by Gl❀w; February 6th, 2021 at 12:09 AM.
I have read this before and so further critique would be unnecessary, but I still approve of it officially.
My usual reply stands: "Poor Waver."
Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t.
Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die.
Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame.
Blog of Fiction for You to Consume
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Spoiler:
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Last edited by Gl❀w; February 6th, 2021 at 12:08 AM.
I like the feeling of tense timing in this section of your story. It flows back and forth between Luvia seeming as if she wants to imagine that this is no big deal, nothing to worry about, likening the package to a box of chocolates almost as if to deceive herself into a kind mundane acceptance and then going back to her actual concerns. The description of physical movement is really nice, and I can very much feel that this is someone moving about in their personal space, looking over important paperwork and the ring. Luvia's very technical inspection of the diamond also seems to suit her, to me.
Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t.
Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die.
Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame.
Blog of Fiction for You to Consume
Other Links
Spoiler:
Oh good, you finally posted the Wuvia, good. You aleady know what I think of this friend.
Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t.
Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die.
Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame.
Blog of Fiction for You to Consume
Other Links
Spoiler:
This is an interesting setting to develop. I foresee a very lad-banter sort of future.
Ah, I was actually about to ask how old Waver was supposed to be. I feel nicely anticipated with how his particular resentment here must be.Now, however, the smooth assuredness with which he spoke was replaced by halting sentences and pouted lips. She vaguely remembered some of this demeanor from many years ago, when she first met him as a teenager, but it had been a long time. She’d assumed a man in his mid-thirties would have abandoned that sort of behavior.
Lowercase btwthis?” She
I like how the awkwardness plays out on both sides in this chapter but differently according to different perspectives. Waver seems to be at a disadvantage because he is not natively from a world where these kinds of agreements are common or even standard. Luvia, on the other hand, seems to find the awkwardness in Waver as a person up until the point when she realizes some apprehension about the fact that, maybe, she's also disadvantaged like a piece in a game. I like that metaphor, and so far I think the chess metaphor has been utilized well. I also think it's interesting that Luvia chooses the "my Lord" epithet for him even though I doubt it's absolutely required by etiquette. It seems like Luvia is using a certain kind of hyper-politeness as some kind of both mockery and/or leverage, as it suits her. I'm not sure whether Waver picks up on that yet or not. It's interesting that he noticed her anxious body language. I think that he would have observational skills like that, but it makes me wonder how far they extend to nuanced expressions of power or subtleties in conversation, and in turn how much Luvia takes her position with him for granted. I like that there's tension but not animosity since this union is agreed-to but not in the basis of mutual passion or love.
Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t.
Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die.
Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame.
Blog of Fiction for You to Consume
Other Links
Spoiler:
For a moment I believe than Lluvia still was a teenager and all this setting was part of a 5 grial war fanfic.
I like how this go for now.
Thanks for the feedback
I'm glad I accomplished what I needed to in terms of ages, because I thought people might make some default assumptions otherwise and I guess it looks like I was right.
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I'll be getting the next chapter up as soon as I can get it to stop merging posts, gdi.