In Consideration of Courtesies Exchanged

[Gl❀w]

----------------

[Prix with a Silent X]

I have read this before and so further critique would be unnecessary, but I still approve of it officially.

My usual reply stands: "Poor Waver."

[Gl❀w]

---------------

[Prix with a Silent X]

I like the feeling of tense timing in this section of your story. It flows back and forth between Luvia seeming as if she wants to imagine that this is no big deal, nothing to worry about, likening the package to a box of chocolates almost as if to deceive herself into a kind mundane acceptance and then going back to her actual concerns. The description of physical movement is really nice, and I can very much feel that this is someone moving about in their personal space, looking over important paperwork and the ring. Luvia's very technical inspection of the diamond also seems to suit her, to me.

[just Beamu]

Oh good, you finally posted the Wuvia, good. You aleady know what I think of this friend.

[SeiKeo]

Poor Waver.

[Prix with a Silent X]

Poor Waver.

Are we making a meme?

[SeiKeo]

Well, I'm not sure what the meme you're getting at is. But aside from that, I'd hope this veers into comedy a little because Luvia trying to be cute with Waver's idealized contract marriage seems entertaining.

[Gl❀w]

Well, I'm not sure what the meme you're getting at is. But aside from that, I'd hope this veers into comedy a little because Luvia trying to be cute with Waver's idealized contract marriage seems entertaining.

If it'll keep you reading, I can promise there'll be some comedic elements laced in.

Also, the meme she's referring to is "Poor Waver." It's almost a punchline for her at this point.

[SeiKeo]

Oh, please, don't change it for me. I'll read anyways.

and no I don't know your secret memes

[Gl❀w]

Oh, please, don't change it for me. I'll read anyways.

and no I don't know your secret memes

No changes needed. There's a reason "poor Waver" is a thing.

[Frostyvale]

This is an interesting setting to develop. I foresee a very lad-banter sort of future.

[Gl❀w]

This is an interesting setting to develop. I foresee a very lad-banter sort of future.

Thanks! I was nervous about posting this but I'm glad that it's at least sparking curiosity and I hope everyone will give it a chance to branch out and grow a bit before they make a final call.

[SeiKeo]

Now, however, the smooth assuredness with which he spoke was replaced by halting sentences and pouted lips. She vaguely remembered some of this demeanor from many years ago, when she first met him as a teenager, but it had been a long time. She’d assumed a man in his mid-thirties would have abandoned that sort of behavior.

Ah, I was actually about to ask how old Waver was supposed to be. I feel nicely anticipated with how his particular resentment here must be.

this?” She

Lowercase btw

[Gl❀w]

Ah, I was actually about to ask how old Waver was supposed to be. I feel nicely anticipated with how his particular resentment here must be.

Yeah, my conception for this is that Luvia is about 25, which puts Waver about 35, 36ish.

Lowercase btw

Thanks, fixed : )

[SeiKeo]

Yeah, my conception for this is that Luvia is about 25, which puts Waver about 35, 36ish.


Thanks, fixed : )

It was somewhat of a question because I was thinking of him as actually being like mid 20s from the prologue, with the awkward petulancy.

[Gl❀w]

It was somewhat of a question because I was thinking of him as actually being like mid 20s from the prologue, with the awkward petulancy.

I don't think Waver ever really truly outgrows his awkward petulancy. I think he just gets better at hiding it. That's just my personal opinion, but I'm open to characterization suggestions.

[Prix with a Silent X]

I like how the awkwardness plays out on both sides in this chapter but differently according to different perspectives. Waver seems to be at a disadvantage because he is not natively from a world where these kinds of agreements are common or even standard. Luvia, on the other hand, seems to find the awkwardness in Waver as a person up until the point when she realizes some apprehension about the fact that, maybe, she's also disadvantaged like a piece in a game. I like that metaphor, and so far I think the chess metaphor has been utilized well. I also think it's interesting that Luvia chooses the "my Lord" epithet for him even though I doubt it's absolutely required by etiquette. It seems like Luvia is using a certain kind of hyper-politeness as some kind of both mockery and/or leverage, as it suits her. I'm not sure whether Waver picks up on that yet or not. It's interesting that he noticed her anxious body language. I think that he would have observational skills like that, but it makes me wonder how far they extend to nuanced expressions of power or subtleties in conversation, and in turn how much Luvia takes her position with him for granted. I like that there's tension but not animosity since this union is agreed-to but not in the basis of mutual passion or love.

[skulkidcachi90]

For a moment I believe than Lluvia still was a teenager and all this setting was part of a 5 grial war fanfic.

I like how this go for now.

[Gl❀w]

For a moment I believe than Lluvia still was a teenager and all this setting was part of a 5 grial war fanfic.

I like how this go for now.

Thanks for the feedback

I'm glad I accomplished what I needed to in terms of ages, because I thought people might make some default assumptions otherwise and I guess it looks like I was right.



- - - Updated - - -

I'll be getting the next chapter up as soon as I can get it to stop merging posts, gdi.