More Farewells [Fate/Stay Night] [One-Shot]

[Wolfwood]

More Farewells

When the attack hit, Ilya understood that it was something Berserker couldn't recover from even with her immense reserves of magical energy.


She stared, unwilling to believe. Not that Saber had taken seven lives in one strike. That didn't really matter. The giant was the only person she could count on. And now, he was going to disappear. She had felt the contract break. He still remained in this world but it was only a matter of time.


She wanted to rush to his side. But, part of her didn't want to move. This had to be some terrible nightmare. She felt like, if she moved, she would make it a reality.


"My little lady." his voice was gentle, in contrast to his rough appearance. Like her father. His words brought her back to reality. "I'm sorry. I swore I would protect you, but this it for me."


"Heracles..." She swallowed. She didn't feel alive at all.


"Please, don't cry. You knew this was coming, sooner or later. I'm not something that belongs in this time. I know the depth of your pain, your bitterness and sadness and your greatest fear. But you don't have to keep going down the path those people made for you. Is your life, my little lady. You can still be happy. Don't waste it. Enjoy every day. I wanted to say this to you for a long time."


She ran to him and clung to him as that would keep him besides her.


"Don't talk like that." she said, desperately holding back tears. "I hate goodbyes..."


Father had betrayed her, and mother had suffered the same fate that was waiting for her. He was all she had. She didn't care about the Grail.


"I know. Sorry. I might be seen as a great hero, but when it counted, I failed. The blood of my family is in my hands, regardless of why. I build up a list of great deeds and ended up with nothing. I'm glad I could serve as your support and be besides you, even thought it was a short time."


He began to disappear from his feet up.


"I'm glad I meet you, Ilya." with those words, the giant faded away and scattered like mist.


"Ah, no..." she grasped at the scattering magical energy, as if she could take hold of him and put him back together. But he slipped between her fingers and left her alone.

She stared at the spot where he used to be, shaking, crying. His disappearance was the final twist of the knife. A terrible pain like her insides had been pulled out, and she lost consciousness.and she lost consciousness.usness.

[Frostyvale]

Technically almost OK. It feels like a scene I've read many times before, which means I can't really rate it objectively. Go over it and you'll catch some mistakes.

[Prix with a Silent X]

This has some technical issues but very few, like Frosty mentioned. I think that if you want more specific guidance that you have a couple tense inconsistencies, and I'm not really sure what you were going for stylistically when she lost consciousness? I can kind of get the sense that you were going for garbled-fading of thought as might come with a loss of consciousness, but even when you do that it is sometimes a good idea to stick within the constraints of some technical conventions like using full ellipses (...) or other forms of punctuation in a consistent way so that the reader understands why certain things are being partially spelled or things like that.

Content-wise, I wanted to encourage you that this is also the kind of thing that first drew me to writing fanfiction for any fandom. I haven't been in this one that long, so I don't have a lot to measure it up against, but character study stuff is kind of my wheelhouse if I've got one. I think that it's a good place for learning where your voice is, why you care about the characters you're interested in, and the kinds of themes that speak to you as a writer. It is sometimes hard to get a significant draw on a scene that specifically overlays a canon event without changing anything because it's hard for someone commenting to say something more that you haven't already said by adding more, if that makes sense. But I think that this kind of approach is a great way to explore things for yourself, and I encourage you to continue to do things like this if you like them.