Help Please

[TagumonYatsuray]

So I was reflecting on a situation that happened a while back... and I realized how upset it made me. I've never been in a serious relationship so if someone could explain whether or not this is normal or acceptable please tell me.

---------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~------------

So Between a broken leg, and domestic abuse, and a bunch of other shit, I was ready to kill myself. (Yeah I skipped to the point)

My best friend had her boyfriend visit her for a week. I tried to explain to her how depressed I was.

She told me not to do anything, and then handed the phone to her boyfriend and decided to do homework while I was in mid-explanation.

The boyfriend said they were busy right now, and didn't have time to talk to me.

So is it normal and acceptable for a couple to completely ignore a friend like this?

[Snow]

I think you should maybe reconsider this friendship.

[Gl❀w]

Don't listen to Bridge, this isn't normal, healthy, or acceptable. Given your brief description of the situation, no "best friend" should be so dismissive of your emotional state.

[Sunara]

Nah. I think you just have a bad friend. Sorry. I think the bf/gf relationship stuff isn't really a factor here.
It may be possible that she doesn't value your friendship the way you see yours with her.
You should probably try to talk to her one on one and let her know it upsets you. If she blows you off, you should consider if she's worthy of being your friend. She might just be a casual (here today, gone tomorrow) friend not a close one.

( I'm assuming you're not the type that pulls the whole "I wanna die" every week. )

How are you doing btw? ~hugs~ Hopefully things will get better.
I've been emotionally where you're at and it isn't fun. Try to find things that make you happy and try to put some distance (if you can) from the things that make you unhappy.

[mewarmo990]

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

[Gl❀w]

If I was meeting my gf for a full week, and assuming that was a somewhat rare circumstance, I'd most definitively not feel too grand about having to spend that time as emotional support for someone else.

For the others replying in this thread, you're doing a disservice to this guy by giving him the answer he seeks, instead of just telling him that if he needs Actual Psychological Support he should contact a specialist, and not randos that 1)have their own life and 2)aren't experts on the subject.

It's not about whether or not the friend's boyfriend is in town for the week or not. Yes, it sucks for the two things to coincide, but to pass off the phone mid-explanation is not cool. I was in a long-distance relationship for seven years, and several of those years we were together only every six months or so. If a friend called or messaged me during those visits with this kind of issue, I still would've taken the time to make sure the person wasn't in immediate danger of harming themselves.

Obviously, I can't say for certain the exact circumstances on both sides of the phone. But I can say that if someone is in such a depressive state that suicide comes up, their immediate emotional support is at least warranting a response other than "we're busy." And yes, it is valid for a friend to say "I don't have what you need" and to direct the person to a professional instead, but it's still not right to dismiss them entirely.

Also, a "best friend" doesn't exactly qualify as a "rando".

[Snow]

Well I'd at least expect my friend to do the brushoff themselves and not have someone else do it for them.

[Gl❀w]

I am multiple people's best friend, and still if they came at me and said "I'm seriously considering suicide" I'd have to pray they're making a shitty joke because no way in hell I'd want to get into that, if only because I'm a "rando" in that I don't have a degree in psychiatry. And I'd really hate to offer counsel that turned out to be fucked up, because that's a friend's life I'd be further messing up.

If the guy wants to off himself, he needs actual help, not *hugs*.

And again, it's totally valid and in fact important to direct someone to the proper resources and counsel. But the fact is, most people turn to their friends first because they are looking for someone they trust and don't know where else to turn. It doesn't mean the friend has the sole burden and responsibility of dealing with the issue, but it does mean that a certain amount of faith was put in them to at least care, and this person doesn't appear to have given even that much.

[mewarmo990]

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

[Snow]

Yeah I probably wouldn't want to get into actually talking someone out of suicide for fear of messing up, but throwing the phone to someone unrelated because 'i just cant manners rn' is simply rude.

- - - Updated - - -

Also op please follow the link.

[Sunara]

I am multiple people's best friend, and still if they came at me and said "I'm seriously considering suicide" I'd have to pray they're making a shitty joke because no way in hell I'd want to get into that, if only because I'm a "rando" in that I don't have a degree in psychiatry. And I'd really hate to offer counsel that turned out to be fucked up, because that's a friend's life I'd be further messing up.

If the guy wants to off himself, he needs actual help, not *hugs*.

As someone who's actually been there (As in actual knife to the wrist), moral support from any source helps. Sure professional help is ideal but when people break, we seek help from places we feel most comfortable. And Sorry for trying to say that I actually care. I'm not the sort to sit by if I see someone in pain or suffering. Be them a best friend or stranger. I've stopped to help people out who were in car accidents.

Though web is not the most ideal place for help. If you're lucky, you'd find the nice ones. If you're unlucky, you'll find the trolls.

Mods: Please consider locking this thread if this gets out of hand. I don't think this is a place for this sort of discussion.

Good night peeps and take care~

[mewarmo990]

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

[I3uster]

Consult professional help. This thread is a shitshow.

Closed.