Create-A-Servant 2

[RoydGolden]

Actuly my idea was closer to yours compendium, is this how you did?

Yeah, pretty much.

[sherlock1110]

this is way too powerful to be balanced in any kind of Holy Grail War.

Did you just say the cursed word balancing?
Admittedly my idea for a Satan sheet has at least two EX rank NPs so there is still a greater level of wank. Draconic's sheet is really good, although I am still trying to understand where Satan and Lucifer overlap, although I guess you were going for a mix of Lucifer-style character with the reputation of the Devil.

I went back and modified the sheet as suggested. At first the NP was kind of Stand like, but now poor Zauberlehrling is a full Pokémon master with a dash of DBZ to make it more exciting.

Sorry if I was being aggressive with my suggestions, I know it's quite picky of me to say that was a weakness of the sheet but I always imagine Noble Phantasms to be one of the longest and most climactic parts of any sheet.

[chem24]

Guys I'm disappointed nobody's tried Pope Joan yet (or any other pope really, unless I'm overlooking something), so I'm going to try making a sheet for her even though it probably won't be very great since there's not very much of her legend to go on, and honestly I don't think I'm very good at making servants right now. Similarities with Persona 5 may be seen as that's still fresh on my mind. Anyways don't expect too much.
(I could try making a drawing of her myself, although I don't know how that's going to turn out.)
Please offer help later so I can improve it, plz.
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Class: Rider (Caster, Ruler)
True Name:​ Joan Anglicus of Mainz
Also Known As: The High Priestess of the Vatican
Alignment: Lawful - Good
Gender: Female
Height: 168cm | Weight: 55kg
Place of Origin: Germany, Mainz
Armaments: Papal tiara, Torah, various holy relics
Likes: Her Lover, Children, God | Dislikes: Her downfall
Talents: Studying, Teaching, Religion

Strength: D | Endurance: C | Agility: C | Mana: A | Luck: B+ | Noble Phantasm: A+

Legend
A woman that was said to have risen above the ranks of the Vatican, eventually achieving the highest position of the Church and stayed in control for 2 years, 1 month, and 4 days. In the end however, though she put in much effort and done much for her people, her life was ended being stoned to death by the masses.
Following alongside her lover, a learned man, to Athens, she went as far as to disguise herself as a male to spend more time with her paramour who had entered the ranks of the Church. Soon however, she came to appreciate and love the God they worshipped for real. With a newfound piousness, she made such progress learning under her professors and teachers there that, since coming to Rome, there were few who could match equal, much less surpass her in the knowledge of the scriptures and the sacraments. By her character and talents, she became a bishop, a Cardinal, then finally Pope.
Beloved by the populace for her wisdom and intuition even though she had only recently joined, she was idolized as an example by the Church, teaching the ways of God and the liberal arts to the general populace, and the Vatican flourished under her teachings. While as pope however, one day she became pregnant by her companion. Ignorant of when the birth was to be expected, she delivered a child while in procession from St. Peter's to the Lateran in front of many, exposing her disguise. Horrified and betrayed, the masses took action. Under Roman justice, she was bound by the feet to a horse's tail, then dragged and finally stoned to death.
Condemned to a shameful death dragged along the streets, she recited her prayers and repented to the Holy Lord for her misdeeds against the faces of those that denounced her words as an act, believing her to be a "wicked woman sent by the devil". Hearing the steps of death approaching, she recounted her memories of the lover and the people that she loved. Shaking her head as she bled out, in death she was buried by the remaining few who were horrified by the event happened.
A small pack of the citizens and others who had snuck out from the crowd, carried off her body and sent her off in silent prayer, in repentance and fear for what they had done. The Church, in abhorrence of the event, removed her from the official lists and crafted a ritual to ensure future popes were male, and chronicles of her story subsequently spread across Europe. The few who had cradled the former pope in her final moments however, reported a "forgiving smile" as she died in the embrace of the remaining who had still idolized her.

Class Skills
Magic Resistance - A
Cancels spells of A-rank and below, no matter what kind of High-Thaumaturgy it is. In practice, the servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would be no exaggeration to title the servant as a 'Magus Killer'.

Riding - A+
All vehicles and creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, this does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

Personal Skills
Invocation of the Sacraments - A++
The ability and effectiveness to use the sacraments and charms of the Church, along with baptismal rites. She also has the ability to manufacture holy tools, from powerful charms used against demons and monsters, to holy relics that can be used in daily life, similarly to Item Construction. Becoming a person unmatched in the teachings of God and the liberal arts in her age, she has this skill of the highest level.

Pope's Charisma - D++
The natural talent to command and unify an army or a country as a pope. Displaying powerful authority and respect, it is normally displayed as D under normal circumstances since she was overthrown as pope, but can increase under special conditions.

Protection of the Faith - A+
A skill possessed only by those who have sacrificed themselves for a religious view. Despite being a form of divine protection, it is not a blessing from a higher existence. It is only the absoluteness of one's body and soul, which is born from faith.
Even after being dragged along the streets and stoned by the masses, she clung to life long enough until her burial.

Noble Phantasms
Via Sacra ~ Travailed Silver Horse of Shunned Birth
Rank: C (A+) | Type: Anti-Army
The mount that Joan rode on during the procession from St. Peter's to the Lateran, and at the same time the stage for where her true identity was revealed to the masses, signalling her end.
As a servant, it takes the form of a grand, elegant white horse in silver armor. When mounted, all of its abilities are increased by one rank and, while capable of offense, its defensive power is fairly effective, and it is able to traverse difficult terrains with relative ease and display powerful jumping ability. By unleashing its true name, the mount is upgraded into a Divine Beast, boosting offensive and defensive capabilities to that of the highest level, along with powerful divine protection that takes the form of a white glowing aura. Under Rider's command, it can be caused to rage, allowing the beast to trample and demolish enemies with terrifying ease.
While it is primarily stuck to ground combat, as a Divine Beast, it is capable of unleashing its true might even on terrains such as cities or mountains, being capable of demolishing or traversing through obstacles without trouble. As such, it is a risk to stay in a field when Rider is present. If summoned as a caster, the Divine Beast form would be sealed.

High Priestess ~ Temple of the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit
Rank: B+ | Type: Anti-Unit (Anti-Team)
The Torah that Joan carries around, containing writings of esoteric teachings and higher knowledge. Passively, it is a scroll that allows Rider to perform skills similar to magecraft in a church form. It is something that capable of generating mana on its own through the writings on the scroll, and at the same time, it is capable of being used to cancel out negative effects and perform healing, though it is unable to remove unique effects caused by other noble phantasms.
If summoned as a Caster, she could use it to construct and summon a grand holy temple from magical energy. Different from a reality marble, it would be more proper to call it a large Bounded Field contained within the writings of the scroll. By chanting the incantation, it would allow Caster to construct an enormous territory if given enough preperation. In addition, while active, it changes Caster's clothing to that of a holy blue dress with a solar cross, and transforms the papal tiara into a Crown of Isis. With the temple, Caster becomes the mediator of the temple herself, turning it into an absolute holy zone that also allows Caster to perform powerful feats similar to True Magic, and generate powerful rites immediately. In a sense, it is a giant weapon which allows Caster to channel her own powers to their maximum capability.

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Making a sheet was tougher than I thought... And honestly I'm hoping someone does a better job of it later. And yes I did modify her legend a bit, because if DW can do the same thing, I can do it too!!

[Spartacus]

Modifying legends are fine imo.
But I would like it if your sheet has paragraph spacing and personality.

Also, I would like to see your drawing, I do that too a few times for FC. Who give a shit if it bad, we are no pros.

For the sheet, Pope's Charisma doesn't sound very different with normal Charisma, except she is a pope.

But cool choice of Servant you had there!

[the god of world-0]

Sherlock, are you ignoring me?

[sherlock1110]

Sherlock, are you ignoring me?

What? I'm lost frankly, if you wanted to say something to me directly you could've sent me a message. Sorry.
Wait, if you're referring to how I didn't comment on your last sheet I was tired, I don't believe I'm obligated to comment on every sheet in this thread anyway although I do try to give my, quite useless, opinion on most of them.

[RoydGolden]

Did you just say the cursed word balancing?

I don't normally care all that much about balancing either, but giving a Servant what appears to be an unavoidable, unblockable I-win button with no way of countering is a bit too far even for me.

[chem24]

Modifying legends are fine imo.
But I would like it if your sheet has paragraph spacing and personality.

Also, I would like to see your drawing, I do that too a few times for FC. Who give a shit if it bad, we are no pros.

For the sheet, Pope's Charisma doesn't sound very different with normal Charisma, except she is a pope.

But cool choice of Servant you had there!

Mmm, alright. I'll add the personality section after finishing my drawing. I'll have to do more research again...
I decided to put in "Pope's Charisma" since there was also stuff like Dreamlike Charisma and Charisma of Wicked Wisdom, and they aren't exactly completely different either. Maybe I'll consider changing it into normal charisma later.
Thanks for the feedback, maybe my entire day of research and finding references didn't go to waste after all!

But really tho, are popes unpopular? Maybe I'm overlooking a LOT of stuff, but I haven't seen any other popes, mostly saints and biblical figures. It's pretty bizarre honestly.

[sherlock1110]

Boy this is long

Helel Ben Shahar: I done a bit of brief digging as I'd never heard of this character before. Turns out it is considered by some (although rejected by others) as an alternative name for Lucifer? Which means I can read this sheet without being utterly confused about what's going on. My first comment is going to sound extremely hypocritical as, after saying that Lucifer would be more powerful in parameters, I believe his Mana should be at A, EX Rank seems somewhat excessive to me. A or A+ seems more appropriate to his character but it's quite a debatable point sorry. Luck at EX is understandable. I think that the skills could be further explained (fluff more or less, literally the only thing I suggest sorry) especially Miracle as considering how the systems of Magecraft work in the Nasuverse there is so much that could be explained there. The Noble Phantasms do have a synergy but the description could cover more. The first one could also list maybe how damage cannot be delivered, is it just a conceptual ability or is there a specific visual effect? Can Divine Constructs work through this NP? What does the "paradise" look like? In the case of the second Noble Phantasm there is less I can suggest to do with this but does it just operate as a regular dagger (outside of the consequence of being affected by it obviously)? Visual effects are usually all I suggest but maybe something related to a snake? As the "original sin" is just a targeting device for the third Noble Phantasm (gg Calvinism) it seems somewhat underwhelming that it would ahve no other effect but, working on that basis, the third Noble Phantasm is equally unadorned.

Joan Angilicus of Mainz: Well, to hopefully assuage your "disappointment", the Nasuverse is generally about the unconventional heroes especially in it's spin-off series so the fact that the major ones (Jesus, for example) have little sheets based on them yet there are multiple sheets for less famous characters (Abigail Williams) is somewhat normal. First things first I am wondering why she is a Rider? There's being inspired by Persona 5 (I'm pretty sure one or two of mine have been too -_-) but that's not an adequate explanation for Rider class. As a Pope I'd think the Caster or Ruler classes would be more appropriate, sorry, even with her riding the horse in the fateful procession. Especially with such a high level of Riding, also the high rank of Magic Resistance? Usually we reserve that for those who lived in the Age of Gods but I guess a Pope would have a very high rank (considering how the Church works in the Nasuverse is pretty vague). Aside from Pope's Charisma (which has already been mentioned) the Personal Skills all make sense, guessing that leading as a Pope is different from being a regular leader, does she have to take a specific role in order to lead people? Or would it not work on non-Catholics, or others who don't recognise her authority? I'd say there was a precedent to stick with regular Charisma though (See Saver). The first Noble Phantasm is very Caster-y. It's quite cool though and you've done well in describing the (clearly, all important) visual effects. The second Noble Phantasm is interesting But it does seem quite powerful if it is a Divine Beast, what drawbacks are there to releasing it's true name? A really stupid suggestion but maybe swapping the two NPs around in the sheet, it builds to the climax of the reality marble instead of the mount. By the way, as most Servants are weak to the weapons that killed them in life would Rider be weak to pebbles from the Vatican

I don't normally care all that much about balancing either, but giving a Servant what appears to be an unavoidable, unblockable I-win button with no way of countering is a bit too far even for me.

I agree with you, but from a lore perspective I think there are methods existing (although I'm kind of sketchy about what) that protect the soul. Still, if you mention balancing you will be flamed so prepare yourself for the end of Royd.

[RoydGolden]

But really tho, are popes unpopular? Maybe I'm overlooking a LOT of stuff, but I haven't seen any other popes, mostly saints and biblical figures. It's pretty bizarre honestly.

True, the only other pope sheet I remember seeing here was of Formosus (the guy who got dragged out of the ground and excommunicated after death). In general though, popes tend not to have "epic feats" that are easily crystallized into Noble Phantasms or Skills. Their histories can be interesting but mainly involve administration and resolving various esoteric theological matters, which doesn't exactly scream Heroic Spirit material.

[the god of world-0]

Sorry sherlock,is that i realy value your tips, its a honest opinion and sometimes this is understimated
did you see my saber sheet prior to Helel?

[Spartacus]

Mmm, alright. I'll add the personality section after finishing my drawing. I'll have to do more research again...
I decided to put in "Pope's Charisma" since there was also stuff like Dreamlike Charisma and Charisma of Wicked Wisdom, and they aren't exactly completely different either. Maybe I'll consider changing it into normal charisma later.
Thanks for the feedback, maybe my entire day of research and finding references didn't go to waste after all!

But really tho, are popes unpopular? Maybe I'm overlooking a LOT of stuff, but I haven't seen any other popes, mostly saints and biblical figures. It's pretty bizarre honestly.

Those Charismas you mentioned are the case where there is no information available until additional material is released. We don't know how those skills work except it's in game effect.

Compared to saint, yeah they kinda is.

[chem24]

I guess you could consider Joan's ideal classes to be Rider < Caster < Ruler, Ruler being the strongest since it allows her to use both of her noble phantasms without any limits based on class.
As for the 2nd np I just thought of it as like a last-resort thing. If the Rider decided to summon a horse, that doesn't give you any leads on her identity, not to mention it doesn't seem very powerful given the basic description I gave. I figured it was more of a thing a pope would do, since while the Divine Beast could totally cause collateral damage, it can easily manuveur itself to avoid destroying buildings Man of Steel-style. The normal horse is something used to escape encounters with enemy servants and/or rescue civilians. It's more defense-based as a result.
For drawbacks, revealing the true name would reveal her true name as a result. Cue the stones? Good luck trying to hit her while on charge tho.

[sherlock1110]

did you see my saber sheet prior to Helel?

I have now, sorry.

Ryuko Emiya: I thought this was a Master (due to Royd's comment, blame them not me!) So I did overlook it at first, sorry. The ranking of the skills is all over the place, while the skills themselves make sense the ranking may need to be explained to me, Royd has already mentioned their Charisma rank but Magic Resistance seems quite high (considering how Magic Resistance works within the Nasuverse). How different is Powerless Shell from Espionage? Further clarification on that might be nice. The Noble Phantasm's are both somewhat strange, she really seems like a Master who is very proficient in swordplay.

- - - Updated - - -

it can easily manuveur itself to avoid destroying buildings Man of Steel-style.

POPE OF STEEL
*FIST OF JUSTICE being screamed in the distance*

[RoydGolden]

How different is Powerless Shell from Espionage? Further clarification on that might be nice.

Powerless Shell is a Skill that already exists in canon, just in case you don't know. Jekyll from Fragments had it.

[sherlock1110]

Powerless Shell is a Skill that already exists in canon, just in case you don't know. Jekyll from Fragments had it.

I would hang my head in shame and leave but I have to blame everything wrong in the world on you. I'm literally going to turn you into Avenger. On a more serious note sorry for my ignorance, I should have researched better beforehand (my memory of Fragments is patchy, mainly due to Rider having some ridiculous NP).

[chem24]

Is Pope of Steel going to become the new popemobile joke?

And c'mon guys, put more effort into your popes! I pulled some bs into making rider's NPs, you can do it if you try!

[sherlock1110]

Did I ever mention that Cain was a Pope?

[the god of world-0]

Hopefully my next version of a type moon character be better
It will be sad tho...

[Funderfullness]

Is Pope of Steel going to become the new popemobile joke?

And c'mon guys, put more effort into your popes! I pulled some bs into making rider's NPs, you can do it if you try!

My Formosus sheet has a Popemobile in it. I didn't forget it.