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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #7501
    吸血鬼 Vampire sherlock1110's Avatar
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    Long Post

    Introductory Message

    So recently Iíve been quite busy which means I put aside my usual role of giving rubbish reviews of every sheet I come across. Sorry about that. Iíd say that most of the sheets Iíve seen havenít really needed my advice, people have also started to notice that drowning out criticism with walls of text and a stupid amount of conceptual attacks isnít exactly as fashionable as it was and since thatís always been something I tell people to do more of my criticisms arenít exactly helpful because of that. If anything was of special note Iíd say that I really enjoyed reading the Plutarch sheet, the Saint Symeon sheet and the Kalki sheet because Iím a sucker for that kind of thing, also because Apatheia achieves what I tried to do with my Anselm sheet far better. Anyway it is unlikely I will be contributing anything for a while, after seeing the uninspired design for Mehmed II in Apocrypha it did prompt me to try something though.There is a critique of venomkings George Washington sheet becauseÖ he asked for it? I guess.

    Sheet Criticism

    George Washington: First thing to note (aside from the image not working but since I barely ever use a faceclaim myself I can't really be one to talk) is that if this George Washington is female this will take some explanation, since she had enemies in life and unlike Artoria didn't have Magecraft to disguise herself it's a bit strange to think that nobody recorded this aspect of her identity. Since the explanation (from the backstory) seems to be that she disguised herself very well I guess that works, I was just a bit more sceptical about it considering how recent the character was. Is there a particular reason for her clothing giving her resistance to environmental effects? That's what regular clothing does... right? And if she would have it at an exceptional, magical level then why?

    The personality is a bit brusque, although it isn't too long and it does give us some impression of her character. Nevertheless there is room for improvement here, does she still view her main job as a President for example? I'd wonder (in terms of parameters) if Agility and Strength should be lower and if Mana should be higher, nonetheless my knowledge of America is slim at best so I can't really help too much here. I'd make a case for raising Magic Resistance, not just on the grounds of how famous the Servant is but because of all the conspiracy theories and such linking back to the Founding Fathers, also maybe from opposing Britain which is in the Nasuverse a centre of Magecraft. On the other hand Riding at A rank is a bit mysterious, it outranks Christopher Columbus and quite a few others who I'd think Washington was either on the level of or below, it's also got a very brief description that doesn't really tell us much, while the personality told us a bit even if it wasn't the most fleshed out.

    B Rank in Charisma is pretty much to be expected, it could be expanded on further but you've done an okay job. Constitutional Integrity is a strange skill, originally I'd imagine all the stuff to do with the constitution to be a Caster class "Item Creation" deal but there is a flaw in how you have designed this skill although it is an original skill. Shouldn't it be every country with a written constitution? All countries (to my knowledge) have some kind of constitution, however some have written ones (like the United States) and others do not (like Britain). I've written enough times about the inclusion of familiar based skills so, moving onwards.

    Crossing the Delaware is a bit too short in describing what it does, the framework is there but you could've spent a bit more time going into depth on the units she summons, is it like Ionian Hetairoi and it summons Heroic Spirits of the soldiers that crossed the Delaware with her? Is it limited by Mana expenditure, or is it just limited by it's reliance on water? Assumedly absolute Presence Concealment is EX as well which could do with some further explanation. End of Monarchy is a bit more open to criticism however, while Crossing the Delaware had it's problems it made a lot of sense while End of Monarchy might not be appropriate for George Washington. If we do assume it is appropriate for the legend though then there are still a lot of unanswered questions, can the nonlethal injury be dealt multiple times be encountering Washington in different circumstances? And what does it mean by based on their rule? It's far too vague on this front.

    I write sheetsÖ sometimes

    Servant Identity

    Servant Class: Rider
    True Name: Mehmed bin Murad (Lily)
    Alternatively Known As: Kayser-i Rum (Caesar of Rome), The Great Eagle (As referred to by Venetians, el-Fatih (The Conqueror), Padishah (Persian term referring to ďThe Highest MonarchĒ)
    Other Classes: Saber, Archer
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Place of Origin: The Ottoman Empire, Edirne
    Attribute: Man
    Armament: As a Rider he does not possess the sword of his adulthood, however he can utilise a range of weapons through Ottoman Sultanate.
    Catalyst: Islamic artefacts or any remnants of Mehmedís reign and body, as a Rider it is easier to summon him using artefacts from his fathers reign.

    Parameters:
    Strength- C
    Endurance- C
    Agility- C
    Mana- C
    Luck- A
    Noble Phantasm- EX

    Personality:

    Likes: the cultures of different countries, ruling, the fruits of his labour, savoury food, people of many different creeds working together
    Dislikes: zealous nationalists, conflicting interests
    Talent: Min-maxing
    Natural Enemies: Demonic Defenders Of The State, Retired Leaders


    Skills

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance- B

    A skill which grants protection against magical effects. Differing from resistance that merely rejects magical energy it is an ability which cancels spells altogether. At this rank spells with a chant below three verses will be immediately cancelled and even if the Servant is targeted with High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals it is difficult to affect them.


    Due to Riderís close associations with religion in life he receives the skill and, partially, a side-effect of Ottoman Sultanate he is capable of shrugging off most varieties of Magecraft, making him suitably durable to stand his ground in the Holy Grail War.


    Riding- B

    Riding is the Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, with a suitably high rank being needed to qualify as an effective Rider. At B Rank most vehicles, animals and other mounts can be ridden with above average skill even if they were not encountered in life. Monstrous creatures such as Phantasmal Beasts however are not under the authority of this skill.


    Later becoming one of the greatest Sultans of the Ottoman Empire Rider was trained from a young age in all the skills he would need to fulfill the role of Sultan, he has been close to all kinds of mounts throughout his life and while he has not established a particularly strong bond with any, nor become legendary because of a particular feat, he surpasses all horseback riders of the current era.


    Personal Skills:

    Charisma- B

    A composite skill consisting of personal charm and natural talent to command or unify an army or country, it can increase the effectiveness of allies of the Servant during combat. A rare skill that is only found among great leaders and Servants of the Saver class. With a B Rank in the skill Rider is capable of leading a country, nay, a blossoming empire, as its Sultan. The morale of all military forces this Servant leads is extremely high.


    While he is not as charismatic as he would be later in life Rider has been practising statesmanship from eleven years old, he has a natural command as well as the analytical mind to make the most of those he leads.


    Protection of the Faith- B

    This skill is found only in those who sacrificed themselves for a religious view, it is not a blessing from a higher existence but instead an absoluteness of body and soul, born from faith, that gives a kind of divine protection. However, at high ranks the skill can lead to abnormalities in a Servants personality. At B Rank it provides some additional protection against Magecraft, but is primarily a defence against mental interference. Rider, luckily, suffers no mental changes from this skill.


    Riderís conquests signalled an expansion of the Islamic religion into Europe, indeed there were many Myths surrounding his later conquest of Constantinople. Rider himself also has a powerful faith in Islam which provides him with this protection, however his Rank is reduced by his tolerance of other religions, making his Rank in this skill less than ruthless leaders who he would later despise and fear, although compared to them Rider is a lot more mentally stable.


    Military Tactics- C

    Expressing the tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one situations, but combat where entire armies are mobilized. Usually it can aid in the usage of Anti-Army Noble Phantasms, while Rider does not possess one of these he can use his skill in combination with the defensive capabilities of Ottoman Sultanate to greatly reduce the effectiveness of enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasms.


    Rider would go on to become a great conqueror but, at a young age, he has not yet reached his peak level of acumen. While he is more than capable of leading a large army he is cautious, waiting for the future when he believes he will be finally capable of mobilizing the forces of his empire. As such he wishes to leave military duties to others.


    Noble Phantasms

    Ottoman Sultanate
    Gaza Thesis


    Rank: C+


    Type: Anti-Unit


    Riderís primary mount, as well as his source of all defensive and offensive options, is a large white horse which appears to shine as if it was golden. Although it, for most purposes, acts like a horse it is surprisingly durable and those who look at it will be struck by the creatures youthful vigour and strength. Representing the Ottoman Sultanate during Riderís short rule, it was a small principality in a chaotic and unstable region facing up against far more dangerous and well established countries. Itís Islamic faith made it an enemy to the Christian countries that surrounded it, one which under the leadership of a boy ruler was ripe for the taking.


    For a long period of time many historians ascribed to the Gaza or Gazi Thesis, this proposed that the best way to view the growth of the Ottoman Empire was one fuelled by a Holy War, with itís armies being composed of Gazi or Holy Warriors of Islam. While now rejected by many historians Riderís Noble Phantasm is one that allows him to call upon the wealth of the Sultanate and Holy Warriors in order to defend himself.


    As a Lily Servant Rider would be defenseless in combat against other Servants without the use of this Noble Phantasm. As a mount it is what should be expected for a Servant, capable of traversing the land at high speeds. However it is not exceptional in this regard and it is a particularly fragile creature, unsuitable for assaulting a foe itself or for taking hits for Rider. The horseís true form is in fact the throne of the Ottoman Sultanate, at this point made fragile and unstable due to the crusading forces. While within a 10 metre radius of Ottoman Sultanate Rider can call into existence weaponry that was utilised or available within the Sultanate before and during his short reign. Appearing out of a ephemeral cloud of dust the weapons can range from spears, scimitars, bows and the primitive gunpowder weapons that were available. Each is just at the level of an E ranked Noble Phantasm, due to age, but it is not effective to use a single one for a long period of combat against enemy Servants as the inferiority of the weapon will soon show itself, as such Rider calls forth javelins and a limited amount of field artillery, however as the latter is too large for himself as a child to use with adequate skill it more often is the long range option, manifesting bombards to blast enemies and their fortifications to pieces.


    It should be of some note that the Noble Phantasm can be quite dangerous for Rider, the metaphorical wealth of the Sultanate is always made manifest by a glow surrounding the Noble Phantasm, those with a particular lust for wealth or with a strong association with crusades will be naturally attracted towards attacking Rider, this could leave him facing unfair odds in the Holy Grail War especially as he is a Lily Servant, not one of similar strength to other Rider class Servants.


    By calling forth the Noble Phantasms true name Rider can transform the horse into the throne of the Ottoman Sultanate, although at first this might seem to be a disadvantageous decision, immobilising an already fragile Noble Phantasm, it does provide access to a useful resource for Rider. Within the 10 metre radius Rider can now call forth not only armour but men suitable to defend the throne. The former is, like the weaponry, similar to E ranked Noble Phantasms in strength but still sub-par due to not possessing any particular legends of their own and Rider generally outfits himself with as much as he can as, while the Noble Phantasm is in ďthrone formĒ, he is practically immobile.


    The soldiers summoned through the Noble Phantasm are Ghazi, or Gazi, warriors. The Holy Warriors that supposedly aided the Ottoman Sultanates surprising growth. Due to his later strong associations with the Islamic faith Rider is able to summon as many Ghazi as necessary within the 10 metres provided by his Noble Phantasm, although far weaker than a Servant they have a strength in numbers and an absolute obedience to Riderís orders. Each has parameters similar to a C in Strength, D in Endurance and a D in Agility with the other parameters being treated as N/A. They have an E in Magic Resistance and a D in Protection of the Faith, both due to their devotion to their religious beliefs. Armed and armoured from Ottoman Sultanate they will fight with sword, spear, mace, bow and bombard in order to protect their Sultan. While they would be nothing but chaff before an enemy Servant luckily, with his Charisma and Military Tactics, Rider can shape them into an effective defense. Due to being unable to leave the 10 metre radius of the Noble Phantasm they arenít useful for much else, but if a foe was to overextend to attack Rider they could be trapped and worn down by the Ghazi. It is possible to break through their defence as Rider cannot immediately replace them, taking 2 to 3 minutes to manifest a Ghazi including their weaponry.


    Battle of Varna
    If you are the Sultan, come and lead your armies. If I am the Sultan I hereby order you to come and lead my armies


    Rank: EX


    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)


    Riderís second Noble Phantasm is one that can easily redefine a Grail War upon usage. Riderís short reign as Sultan ended when he demanded that his father, Murad II, take the throne once again in order to defend against the crusading forces. What followed was the annihilation of the crusading forces, even though many casualties were taken by the Ottoman armies as well.


    A Noble Phantasm that, as with Ottoman Sultanate, may only be allowed due to his status as a Lily Servant, Rider can activate this Noble Phantasm to temporarily ďleaveĒ the Grail War. By announcing the true name of Battle of Varna, making a declaration that another must his armies for him, the ďSublime PorteĒ or Bab-i Humayun appears behind Rider and it appears to open into a realm of bright, golden light. After making his leave via this gateway another Servant will leave to take Riderís place.


    It should be noted that whatever Servant appears must be willing to answer Riderís summons, they must be some Servant from the Ottoman Empire, or Islamic world. A Servant that existed after Riderís short reign cannot be summoned, so he does not have access to any of his later selfs, Rider is therefore restricted to summoning those who existed at the same time as himself, or who existed before him. It is risky, but this has the potential to summon forth a very powerful Servant from the past. The Servant who is summoned gains some additional benefits from accepting Riderís call, if they did not have it or had it at E rank they will acquire Charisma at D Rank, essentially being loaned to them by Rider. They will also now have access to an army of roughly 50,000 Ghazi.


    Aside from itís more obvious strengths this Noble Phantasm allows the Ghazi to freely roam, no longer bound by the restriction of Ottoman Sultanate, as such they can arm themselves as cavalry and unleash devastating charges upon foes, or use any weapons they previously had access to. There are, however, a number of downsides to this Noble Phantasm, due to the large casualties taken by the Ottomans during the Battle of Varna the Ghazi have their Parameters reduced somewhat, Specifically an E in Endurance and Agility, which reduces their survivability by a great deal. It also requires a great deal of Mana to activate and keep this Noble Phantasm running, as Rider can activate it without consulting his Master this may be problematic if he decides that it is the best strategic decision to make. The Servant summoned also has little to no reliance on the Master, aside from as an anchor to the world, so they may ignore all orders and Command Seals will have no effect on them.


    Here the main drawback of Battle of Varna rears its head, if the Servant that is summoned succeeds in the Grail War neither Rider or his Master will benefit. As such Rider would need to return to the War at the opportune moment, to snatch victory from whoever he summoned. Calling Rider back is no easy feat, in fact it requires three Command Seals, a resource Masterís are usually unwilling to use. It will also disable Battle of Varna, replacing the summoned Servant with Rider who cannot use this Noble Phantasm again. Rider believes that, if more than three Command Seals were used to summon him back, he could be summoned not as a Rider (his weakest state), but as an Archer or even, at a great cost, a Saber. Ultimately Battle of Varna is a Noble Phantasm that Rider will use in his direst hour, but it will certainly change the course of any Grail War it is part of.





    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    Summer Events: Deepest Lore.
    These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
    Servant And Master Sheets

  2. #7502
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    Yea, I'll fix those. And end of monarchy was based on Goerge washingtons victory in the revolutionary war causing other countries to rebel, in this way Goerge Washington is responsible for the fall of monoarchies, rule is based on how they ruled, like Gilgamesh was a tyrant so he gets a very painful and very horrible stab that while it won't kill him it will never go away, but say atoria who was a good King would get an anoying scratch sure it itches and it stings a bit and it ain't go away,city no worse then ant bite just on this case it doesn't away, and no multiple strikes that would be OP.

    - - - Updated - - -

    But I can't fix oaky many sheets as I'm working on mosses right now, so give me about 3-4 days.

  3. #7503
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    it has been long, my friends

    So, i havent been post for a while. I will just say, without details, that life is hard and sometimes she will try to break you.
    However my spirit remains, my money is another story (you can say i am broke in a way)
    But its past, and i did not come here to complain about my economic life, so here it is something I've been working on lately

    Saver: amaterasu
    Img:
    Str:A, End:A, Agi:EX
    Mna:EX, Lck: D, Np:EX
    Aligment: true neutral
    Gender: female
    Height: 176cm
    Weight: 56kg
    Place of origin: japan
    Armament: sword, mirror, jewel
    Likes: rice, tea, sake
    Deslike: dogs, rain, violent people
    Talents: farming, being workship, teling storys(lying)
    Natural enemies: her brothers, fox hunters

    Skills:
    Charisma(EX): a class skill of Saver. Still, as the "Ruler of heavens" her Charisma ridiculously high, She is what can be called brilliant.

    Counter-hero(B+): another class skill of Saver, the parameters of heros are reduced by two ranks. while it usualy be weaker against anti-heros, Saver's personality prevents this.

    Independet manifestation(C): a skill of another class that Saver can be summon, she still maintains it but its rank is reduced. Renders resistance against the instantaneous imposition of death and attacks effected by time manipulation.

    Goddesses divine core(A): a skill that marks Saver as a perfect goddesses from birth, because she would later lose this status, its rank droped from EX to A.

    Clairvoyance(beast)(EX): being the legendary golden nine-tailed fox, Saver is endowed "infinite sight" capable of see all things in the world, as well as looking into past and future. Beyond all that, Saver also is capable of seeing through peoples soul and into their true self.

    Shapeshift(EX): the natural skill of a fox, Saver is a master of Shapeshift capable of fool a whole country or all of a person's five senses.

    Bless of the universe(EX): as a sun goddesses, Saver is a being that has come from the universe and recived its blessings, she can also resist concepts that are label as a"alien"

    Noble phatasm:
    Hoshi no tama: soul of the golden fox(anti-unit-self: A):
    A Noble phatasm that represents Saver's nature as the golden fur, white face nine-tailed fox. It is the jewel that would later be know as "Yasakani no magatama: eight bead imperial jewel"
    When activated, all of Saver's skill recive two ranks and her status recive a rank, however the use of other Noble phatasm are sealed.

    Ame no murakumo no tsurugi: sword of the gathering clouds of heaven(anti-army: A+):
    A powerful sword gifted to Saver by her brother, it is one of the most famous sword in japanese mythology and of of the armaments called "last phantasm - ultimate god-forged weapon".
    The sword form is that of a katana because of the distortion it suffered through the years (the idea of japanese sword = katana is widespread even inside japan itself), the sword later would be know as "kusanagi no tsurugi: grass-cutting sword".
    Its blade is supernaturaly sharp and the sword has the abilitie to control the winds, but its true power its that of flames. Once its name is called, the natural mana of Saver and the weapon's wind nature are combined to release a storm of fire that can burn an army

    Ama no iwato: cave of the sun goddess(anti-world: EX):
    The true form of the noble phantasm used by the being Saver is destined to become. It bears the name of the sacred cave that hide the sun and cursed the world to darkness and pressents itself as the mirror who will become know as "yata no kagami: eight hands mirror".
    It is a noble phantasm for nation building. A god's Authority that harvests the reconstruction of the dominions that were ruined due to an army of destruction. It can convert the power of all creation into an attack through using magical energy. Unlike the other version of this noble phantasm, Saver do not utilize the mirror as a phisical weapon but insted attacks with a technique sililar to that of "turning the sunlight reflected into a mirror into a deadly leaser"

    Lore:
    Saver is amaterasa,also know as hakumen konmou kyuubi no kitsune, the golden-furred white-face nine-tailled fox.
    She is a deity of sun, a divine spirit of the greatest class who is basicly unafected by the time axis, while her nature as extant of human's conviction can give her atributes of a monster and a "evil of man", she can also be a protector of the state and a warm and calorous divine figure.
    In this form, her existence is almost the same as a bodhisattva.

    Personality:
    Her fiendish nature was tone down in place of her wise and motherly traits, she is still a fox however, and is likely to tease people in search of amusement
    She shares a deep bond with the other versions of her self, and is a very understanding person, someone you can trust your problems to.


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

  4. #7504
    Time to burn some dread Daneel Rush's Avatar
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    X - Freedom

    I - Name Unknown
    II - The Enemy
    III - Rome Under Fire
    IV - Chaos
    V - Gathering of Hunters
    VI - Cornucopia
    VII - A Reason to Die
    VIII - Interlude Around the Bonfire
    IX - The Monster at the Aventine Hill

    X – Freedom
    Two aspects of Chiyou turned their gazes towards the Aventine Hill, where a roar of unimaginable fury had paralyzed an entire city and temporarily blown away the stormy clouds, announcing the coming of a night of horror unparalleled.

    Chiyou Caster sighed.

    “Well, it appears mine own death hast cometh.”

    Chiyou Rider chuckled; a brief, raspy sound, broken by the blood pouring out of her mouth. Lying prone on the grass, she could feel her Saint Graph slowly breaking apart from the countless wound Caster’s spells had inflicted. Her soldiers and beasts had long departed from that world, as she no longer could sustain their summoning.

    “Hmph. So, in the end, I’m leaving the stage at the right time,” she said slowly. “Wouldn’t want to stick around to have to deal with that one.”

    “Aye, that couldst beest called fine fortune.”

    They looked at each one last time. Rider tried to spit blood out, but it just poured out of the corner of her mouth and trickled messily down the side of her neck.

    “Damn it, I didn’t even make you sweat a little. You…Caster, you are a monster just like that one.”

    “That is what it means to be Chiyou,” replied the shortest of the aspects, eliciting a wicked smirk from the defeated Rider.

    “Damn right it is. Chiyou is extraordinary.”

    And with that, Rider was no more. Alone, Caster once more turned her gaze to the city, where the monster was about to begin its festival of violence.

    “Aye. This is what we liveth for, after all.”

    With a calm, sedate pace, the Sequencer of the Seasons began to walk towards her doom.

    ***********************************

    “Ughh…ack…”

    “I will give credit where due: I did not expect to have to run all the way to the outskirts of Rome. Great showing, little devil.”

    No answer beyond grunts and gasps could come from the horned Assassin, what with her throat being relentlessly squeezed by Chiyou’s left hand.

    “And to think Berserker’s already here. Faster than expected; to think Cacus would turn up such a disappointment.” A shrug. “Oh well, I don’t expect to stick around much longer. Actually, I should hurry a little; it would be the worst if the Chaldea brat gets killed before I make the trip.”

    Assassin’s body from the neck down was rendered numb and incapacitated by Chiyou Assassin’s mysterious martial arts, just like in the Alps. She could not even muster the energy to conjure a musket.

    “So, can I have the Cornucopia now, or do I have to kill you for it?”

    It did pass through Assassin’s head, if only for a moment: to do something stupid and heroic, like spitting on her face and saying something of the likes of “Fuck you”. But then she could only wonder: why try so hard?

    Why did she run all this time, without rest or sleep? Because Chiyou Archer threw her the Cornucopia. Because it was obvious Chiyou Assassin was up to no good.

    Because
    her queen
    that woman
    gave her life so that she could keep running.

    In the end, this was as far as could go. But, after all, she still—

    The space between the two Servant rippled gently as the Cornucopia emerged from the mysterious space where Assassin’s belongings were stored.

    “Good girl.”

    And Assassin found herself back on solid ground, thrown away like a discarded toy, coughing and hacking with desperation.

    “Upon abandoning themselves to their true selves, the people of Rome have condemned this world,” Chiyou muttered to herself as if the damnation of the timeline had nothing to do with her. The horn of plenty floated in front of her, its golden halo gradually changing into an unsettling pallor as Chiyou fed it something.

    “Rather than the Force of Providence that governs the fate of individuals, it was the fate—no, the self-preservative force of this entire reality—that I fed upon. There cannot be an anthropic principle if humans become unable to think of themselves as a whole.”

    Finally, the Cornucopia entered Chiyou’s well-built body, transferring its unhallowed radiance to her.

    “My existence—no…” The glowing Servant looked down at the defeated Assassin with a strange expression of affection and pride. “It was our combined presence here that spelled the doom of this timeline. Just by being here we were a disruption of the proper course of the history of man; it was inevitable that this timeline would be quarantined; detached from the stable trunk of Tree of Time. Isolating it from extradimensional and extratemporal interference was almost a nonissue at that point. It was easy to keep Chaldea’s sensors away after they sent the child here.”

    The light was spreading, enveloping her, swallowing her features as she slowly became something like a body of pure radiance. The buildup of magical energy was staggering, even more so because Assassin was certain what she could see was only the leakage that Chiyou’s current Saint Graph could not contain.

    “What…what’re you saying…?” Assassin finally managed to say something in a raspy, hoarse voice. A part of her wondered why she had not asked what Chiyou was doing. In any case, the elder Assassin seemed amused by the question.

    “Even after whatever Naamah did to you, you still don’t remember everything, do you? So I’m giving you a helping hand. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me, child.”

    “What…?”

    A brief, bark-like laugh. Chiyou began to walk the few steps separating her from the prone Assassin; one step for each taunting sentence pronounced. As she moved closer, Assassin became more deeply aware of that growing lump of energy, and trembled beneath the growing awareness of what Chiyou was doing to herself.

    “Oh? So you don’t even remember that? I pity you. So, my darling girl, think about it for a moment: where do you think I got the first Grail from? The one I used to summon those Servants? The one I used to block Chaldea? The one that Rider just used to summon Cacus, and which I prepared so that it used Cacus as a catalyst for one last Servant summoning upon his death? Where. Did. That. Grail. Come from?”

    As this point, Chiyou’s radiance was obscenely bright, forcing Assassin to close her eyes and avert her face. She still felt, however, Chiyou breath on her ear as she leaned forward to whisper the answer she did not want to believe.

    “I got. That Grail. From you.”

    Assassin felt a kiss on her cheek. The soft sensation was quickly washed away by her own tears.

    “Everything I needed, you provided! My wondrous benefactor, who delivered two wish-granters to my greedy little hands. My wonderful child, I’d do a lot more than kissing you, if I thought you’d enjoy that. But anyway, we’re done. You are no longer necessary.”

    The calm ultimatum made Assassin shudder. She felt like abandoning everything; just lay there in fetal position and wait for the end.

    “As a token of my gratitude, I shall not take your life. If you feel like dying nonetheless, I’m sure Berserker or Rider will eagerly accommodate you.”

    Finally, the light engulfed them both and the world around them. Assassin could only hear, and feel, Chiyou’s Saint Graph changing, growing, transmuting itself into something aiming to defy all categorization.

    “You have my most sincere gratitude, little demon,” said Chiyou. Her voice, too, was changing. It sounded older, more adult, more mellifluous. “Thanks to you, I can fulfill the purpose of my existence. I can show that I am worthy of becoming more.”

    “And now, I am ready to move on.”

    ***********************************

    “Nobody. Move.”

    He did not need to be told that. Momu’s words were utterly superfluous, and the only reason he was not berating her for the reckless opening of her mouth was because he was too afraid to emit sound himself.

    This was it. This was absolutely it.

    We’re fucking dead.

    This certainty. This heart-wrenching certainty that their lives were forfeit. That the only reason his heart still beat, and his lungs still breathed, was because that thing had not seen them yet. So familiar, and oh so unwelcome. It said something about the human condition that, after the likes of Tiamat and Goetia, he could still feel like this.

    “Don’t look at it!” hissed the masked Assassin behind him.

    I’m too afraid to look away!

    The monster, which could only be the Berserker-class aspect of Chiyou, was a horned, light-haired woman, just like her sisters. Really, there was nothing particularly intimidating about her appearance, and compared to Herakles’ ridiculous weapon, this girl’s cleaver-like thing looked like a toy. No, there was really nothing to be afraid of just by looking at her.

    But he could tell. They all could tell.

    This girl, can kill me.

    This girl, will kill me.

    If she reaches me, I’m dead.

    If she looks at me, I’m dead.

    There’s nothing I can do about it.

    The only reason we are still alive is because she was summoned with her back towards us.

    The girl Berserker scratched the ground in front of her with the corner of her blade, giving the impression of an impatient, caged lion. She turned her gaze to the side, and then to the other, clearly looking for something alive so she could kill it. Yet in her almost-endearingly-simple mentality, she still did not think of turning around looking behind her.

    They had felt the powerful surge of magical energy somewhere south of the city, but it was impossible to dwell on it with their lives on the edge of the precipice.

    The Master found it in himself to look at his Servant out of her corner of his eye. Lancer Alter looked immutable, unfazed and stern by the newcomer—it was almost uplifting. But she would not move. She breathed heavily, and grimaced at her own inability to take the initiative and charge.

    Just like he, she could not figure out a way to get out of this.

    “We can do this,” Momu spoke very softly. “If we are extremely careful, and don’t make any loud noises, we might just get out of here without being seen—”

    And that was when it all went straight to hell.

    It began with exactly two beeps.

    “Senpai? Senpai, it’s really you! Aaah, Miss Da Vinci, we’ve finally made contact! Senpai, are you well? It’s been so long; please tell me you are unharmed—”

    She was so dazzlingly fast.

    She was already there, at arm’s length. He was struck by her inhuman eyes, so devoid of expression, utterly contrasting with the powerful roar with which she manifested herself.

    A machine. A true, honest-to-god “killing machine”.

    Aw crap—Simple thoughts, driven by more than one reason.

    “Boy!”

    “Maste—”

    “Senpai—”

    ***********************************

    “Found you~” Chiyou Assassin murmured with an uncharacteristically sweet voice. Then again, perhaps this would be the new “normal” for her. After all, she was not “Assassin” anymore.

    She was taller, less rough around the edges and more voluptuous. Her somewhat messy, ashen silver hair had grown longer, becoming a cascade of artificial-looking white. Skeletal wings of red bone adorned her back, and darkness accompanied her. Swirling, rumbling, crawling chaos-stuff surrounded her, polluting the world with its presence. Around her, plant life decayed and broke apart into worthless dust, as if afflicted with a curse of aging.

    “The path to Chaldea is open. I knew it would be easy, but it still amazes me.” Her sardonic smirk betrayed the falsity of her “amazement”.

    “Class…Beast…”

    “Right, you still here,” muttered Chiyou dismissingly. Not sparing a glance at the pathetic, tear-stained form of Assassin lying prone on the hard soil, the newly christened Beast instead looked down at her gauntleted hands.

    “Yes, albeit not unexpected, this is a disappointment nonetheless. I was truly hoping for something else, but I guess this is as far as I can go with the foundation of a Servant’s Saint Graph.”

    She shrugged.

    “Oh well. It is not a complete failure, and it does show there is still room for improvement.” She stretched her arms towards the sky, groaning with a pleased tone as she strained the muscles of her new, stronger body.

    “In any case, it was lovely meeting you, little demon, but I should be making my way to Chaldea—”

    “Which one…are you?”

    “Hmm?”

    Assassin had long regained the use of her body. She just did not find the will to get back on her feet. She felt tired, defeated and hopeless. She had failed Queen Naamah and, more importantly, she had discovered disappointment. For the first time in her life, she understood the pain of failing to herself, of aiming for something and finding herself lacking, of striving for one’s own wish, yet failing to reach anything.

    It was true that she did not remember everything, but she remembered enough.

    Who she ever was had never mattered; in the end, she amounted to nothing. Her existence was a falsity, a dreg of something that was once was great, but eventually amounted to nothing as well. Never worthy of pity, never worthy of mercy, never achieving anything. Was there ever anything that could be called commendable about her?

    Coming into awareness of how irrelevant an existence she had been, she questioned the very purpose of it. Why keep moving? Why keep trying? Such were the doubts taking control of her mind. The question to Chiyou was an uncontrollable impulse; a lapse born of her innate curiosity.

    “Which among the Seven? Which one did you claim?”

    Chiyou’s inhuman red eyes paralyzed her with the utter disgust they projected. Assassin feared she had said the words that would render her life forfeit, but Chiyou merely clicked her tongue and looked away.

    “And that’s why you will never amount to anything, stupid girl.”

    It was a particularly stinging insult at that moment. Assassin winced and looked down, even if she did not understand her mistake.

    “I hate labels, categories, distinctions like that. These Saint Graphs are already torture, having to debase myself by allowing this system to throw me into a box labelled ‘Assassin’. I thought I would be able to get away from this, but no. Now I’m ‘Beast’. But I’m sure as hell not throwing myself into the box of the ‘Seven Evils of Mankind’.”

    She began to walk away, seemingly no longer content with Assassin’s company. Nonetheless, the growing distance between them did not prevent Assassin from listening to Chiyou’s clear, powerful words.

    “I am Chiyou. That is everything I am, and everything I need to be. I have no need for some number. If I am to be a ‘Beast’, then I am Beast Chiyou. That is all.”

    No longer smothered by Chiyou’s powerful presence, and finding herself devoid of purpose or motivation, Assassin was finally defeated by both physical and mental exhaustion. Knowing that the Human Order was in imminent danger, but incapable of doing anything about it, the young horned girl abandoned herself to the oblivion of unconsciousness.
    Servant Introduction
    Faceclaim

    Source: Artwork by gods
    Chiyou (Assassin)

    Nobody loves humans more than she.
    Nobody hates humanity more than she.
    The embodiment of salvation in wickedness.
    The completely-self-appointed Chaos Emperor, Chiyou.
    Seriously, nobody calls her that.

    Class: Assassin
    Parameters:
    STR C
    END B
    AGI A
    MGI B
    LUK --
    Noble Phantasm A+

    Height & Weight: 157 cm, 56 kg
    Source: Chinese legalism, “Shangshu
    Region: China
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Gender: Female
    Attribute: Earth

    She is even more qualified for the Avenger class, but as the eternal contrarian, she would never accept the position the system would decide for her, even if it comes at a cost of lower Parameters.
    Biography
    According to one of the Great Classics of Confucianism, the Shangshu, humans are by nature peaceful and devoid of disharmony. Disorder was not a natural condition of the World, but rather a creation of the harbinger of chaos, Chiyou:

    “(Disorder) spread to the peaceful people, and everyone became robbers and thieves—rapacious, villainous, and traitorous—grabbing, plundering, lying, and killing."

    According to this mythology, disorder, conflict, strife and violence were an outside imposition on an otherwise peaceful population; a primordial, original evil imparted the concept of evil upon the World. Therefore, it became necessary for the earliest rulers to learn how to control disorder.

    This tale fulfilled two purposes in ancient Chinese society: spiritual and political. At the spiritual level, it established Chiyou as an embodiment of disorder, a scapegoat of the same nature as that one boy in a certain village who became All the World’s Evil:

    “it cannot be helped that we do evil things; Chiyou turned us into beings capable of doing evil.”

    At the political level, it became a mythological justification for violence as the basis of state power. A proper ruler is one who uses conflict and violence in the proper way and for the proper purpose: to establish social order. The innovations brought into the World by Chiyou—weapons, war, torture, punishment—became the tools of the state for the enforcement of law and order. Effectively, the rebellion and death of Chiyou became a ritual sacrifice of sorts: Chiyou was both the evil miscreant responsible for pollution and disorder in the world, and also the divine being whose death enabled the Yellow Emperor to organize violence for the state.

    The Assassin-class Chiyou is the enemy of mankind. Her aim is the destruction of civilization, laws and organized societies. She is the champion of
    selfishness
    individuality
    ,
    anarchy
    freedom
    , and
    immorality
    honesty
    . Her wish is for all people to be “true to themselves”; that is, not restrained by things like laws, morality, reputation or social image. She is not a grand manipulator or a cunning mastermind; her Skillset and Noble Phantasms allow her to bulldoze through civilized societies, turning them into savage lawlessness. Abandoning one’s humanity means relinquishing one’s Force of Providence. Assassin gathers it and turns it into her own power; fuel to power her self-improvement and transformation. True to the ideal that drives the existence known as Chiyou, Assassin is constantly striving to become more unique.
    Skills & Noble Phantasm
    Class Skills
    Presence Concealment – EX
    The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant. In the case of Assassin, no matter how flawless her stealth techniques may be, her ill intent can never be obfuscated—the moment she shifts to attack, her presence becomes instantly noticeable—to a degree comparable to not having Presence Concealment at all.

    On the other hand, the foundation of her existence as a Servant, and her Noble Phantasm, Banner of Chiyou, come from a concept as fundamental to the World as life itself. At any other point in time other than the instantiation of an attack, including the invocation of her Noble Phantasm, Assassin is one with the World, and she cannot be perceived unless she wills it. Rather, an invocation is not necessary in the first place, so it is all but impossible to detect Assassin right before the Noble Phantasm is unleashed. Only an enlightened being who has fully relinquished the concept of “conflict” from its existence can perceive Assassin’s presence as the anomaly that she is.


    Personal Skills
    Fallibility of Heaven – D
    The first spiritual-cosmological concept in Chinese folk religion is
    Tiān
    Heaven
    , the Universe as a whole, as the foremost god, the source of virtue and the right way. Assassin rejects this idea of perfection, and inverts it into the rejection of divine presence, divine influence, and divine law. As a Skill, it reduces the effectiveness of abilities, Skills and Noble Phantasms based on the enemy Servant’s divine or saintly aptitude. Somewhat ironically, it also grants Assassin the equivalent of Divinity at the same rank.

    Assassin cannot deny her own divine origin as the foundation of her powers, so her rank in this Skill is very low. She could raise it, but at the cost of a severe penalty to her Parameters and all her other Skills.

    Jĭao Dĭ – EX
    Literally, “horn butting”. The earliest Chinese term for wrestling, and the oldest form of Chinese Martial Arts, also called “Chiyou Xi”. It refers to the use of horned headgear in resemblance of Chiyou to butt, gore, knock down and thus defeat the enemy. Legend states that this original martial art developed by Chiyou and her followers was institutionalized by the Yellow Emperor for the instruction of the state army, and later became a form of sport, from which it evolved into the countless forms of wrestling and martial arts in China—it is for this reason that the Yellow Emperor is recognized as the inventor of Chinese Martial Arts, even if Chiyou was the original user—history written by the victor and all that.

    While throwing techniques make its core, it is rich in blocking techniques, locking techniques and, notably, pressure point strikes. The foundation of the style rests on the disruption of qi—the second spiritual-cosmological concept of Chinese folk religion. Assassin helpfully describes this Skill as “a collection of techniques for the disruption of body function and the workings of the target’s qi”. Indeed, a martial art that unravels the body and the soul.

    Merciless Triviality of Fate – –
    The Chinese folk religion, as known as the Way of the Gods, defines two fundamental concepts regarding fate: personal destiny (“right to individual choice”) and fateful coincidence (“luck as conditioned by one’s past”). They can be summarized as “how the actions in previous incarnations bring people together in the present”; a form of “social karma”, in contrast to the “individual karma” of Buddhism. “Force of Providence” in a wider scope, encompassing families, groups of people, societies, civilization, and effectively “humanity” as a whole.

    Assassin rejects these principles. She laughs at the idea of things like “fate” and “luck” being defined by an outside force. Rejecting the influence of Alaya acting upon herself, she places her personal fate in the yoke of simple mathematics: Assassin does not have a LUK Parameter. Instead, all LUK-based effects to which she is subjected are resolved by a coin toss.

    Profanity of Blood and Spirit – C+
    The third spiritual-cosmological concept in Chinese folk religion is
    Jingzu
    Veneration of Ancestors
    . Ancestor spirits, together with the gods, form the unseen side of the world which acts as the means of connecting to the supreme power of Heaven. Assassin profanes this connection, turning filial bonds into the instrument of her wickedness. She gains a significant bonus to her attack power and damage against Servants who have a relative who is or can also be summoned as a Servant. In other words, both heroic and villainous families and bloodlines are her prey.

    This Skill is also related to how being related to the Flame Emperor in no way stopped Chiyou from crushing him in battle. However, the rank is not higher because “betrayal” and “filial impiety” are not important components of her legend. Nevertheless, she gains a plus-correction to this Skill if the target of her attacks possesses Divine Spirit aptitude, as well as against Pseudo-Servants.


    Noble Phantasms
    Chīyůu QŪ
    Banner of Chiyou

    Rank: A+
    Type: Anti-Humanity
    Range: Indefinite
    Maximum Targets: --

    The Red Star. The Demon Star. Sometimes taken as a reference to the planet Mars, sometimes as a comet, created when the Yellow Emperor cut off the hair of Chiyou’s severed head and hung it in the heavens. It is the shining star that augurs the coming of conflict and violence; of terrible things inflicted on man, by man. It is the ultimate expression of Assassin as the bringer of chaos.

    The unholy radiance emitted by the red star automatically and instantaneously affects all those who catch a glimpse of it—at full power, making it shine in the sky, she can target an entire hemisphere of the planet. The light eats away at the common sense and rationality of man, and it is done merely by instilling a simple doubt: “why should I care?” By questioning the importance of anything beyond the self, the light catalyzes the self-destruction of the super-ego.

    The simple temptation to "do as one wishes instead of as one must" or “as is correct”, becomes the gateway to utter madness. The collapse of civilization, crushed by the weight of overwhelming self-actualization and individuality. The end of humanity by rendering it into a concept that no longer makes sense, for there cannot be “humanity” without “society”.

    A successful LUK check is necessary to even earn the right to make a saving throw against the maddening temptation. Failure means reversion into something less than an animal; a wanton beast that can only act on one's immediate urges, without thought of moderation or even self-preservation. The ones who can resist this almighty Noble Phantasm and keep their consciousness intact are those so deeply lawful and good that they can maintain their sense of righteousness even when the very idea of “law and order” disappears from their minds, or those who already live according to Chiyou’s proper way, caring nothing for rules or morals, and only for their own worldview and their personal satisfaction.

    "In the end, humans are all common and simple animals. Their brains having developed in a different and unique way does not change that simple truth. It only opens new dimensions of natural behavior. The failure of human evolution is that they became able to lie to themselves."


    Wŭ XŪng
    The Five Punishments

    Rank: B
    Type: Anti-Unit
    Range: 1-9
    Maximum Targets: 1 target

    Not to be confused with the Five Phases (五刑 versus 五行). The original set of physical penalties meted out by the legal system of ancient China: branding, cutting off the nose, cutting off the foot, castration, and execution. According to the Shangshu, when Chiyou brought chaos onto the world, his followers, the Miao people, created the five punishments:

    “They made the five punishments engines of oppression, calling them the laws. They slaughtered the innocent, and were the first also to go to excess in cutting off the nose, cutting off the ears, castration, and branding." (transl. Legge)

    Nevertheless, the Yellow Emperor adopted these as the tools for the enforcement of the law, in another example of how Chiyou’s “evil” creations were legitimized for the foundation of the civilized state.

    Chiyou lacks the lawful principles driving Wu Zetian’s torture methods, so she just goes straight for the kill. Chiyou’s imposition of death is contested by the target’s LUK parameter and its will to overcome the inevitable. If the target fails the check, the sentence of death becomes fact, and a random roll is made to decide the actual means of death: the options are quartering, being boiled alive, beheading, strangulation, and peeling off the skin, among others.

    If the target succeeds on the check, it is immediately subjected to four consecutive attacks representing the other four punishments, but this is just Chiyou being petty. While Chiyou makes no physical action, these attacks are physical phenomena, and can be both blocked and dodged by normal means (or what stands for normal when it comes to Servants).
    Last edited by Daneel Rush; September 3rd, 2017 at 04:05 PM.

  5. #7505
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    And end of monarchy was based on Goerge washingtons victory in the revolutionary war causing other countries to rebel, in this way Goerge Washington is responsible for the fall of monoarchies
    Wow seriously did you just write that?

    WTF.

    Do you know anything about your world history or are you just THAT much of a Historical Revisionist?
    Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; September 3rd, 2017 at 03:08 PM.

  6. #7506
    吸血鬼 Vampire Omida's Avatar
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    And now that Daneel put another of his great sheets out, mine will probably pass somewhat unnoticed :V



    I am not exactly pleased with this one, but I can't quite put my finger on why... Which is why I am posting it here as it is, so maybe someone else spots it.

    Faceclaim


    Class: Saber
    Other Classes: Rider
    True Name: Almos, Forefather of Arpads
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Place of Origin: Khazaria, Hungary

    Height: 1,77m
    Weight: 84kg
    Likes: hunting, travelling, falconry
    Dislikes: idleness, anarchy
    Talent: conquering, leading, mediation
    Natural Enemy: Vlad III
    Attribute: Earth
    Traits: Human, Progenitor of Kings, Nomad, Heir of Attila the Hun
    Armament: Sword of Mars
    Catalyst: Attila's banner

    Personality

    Almos is solemn man of few words who loves sight of open sky and observing falcons. Despite being nomad warlord, he abhors oppression and forced servitude, which separates him from many other barbarian chieftains. He is an honourable man (though it is an honour of a nomad and not any code a chivalric knight would recognise) and once he gives his word, he will do his best to keep it.

    His wish for the Grail is to prevent his death in Transylvania, so he can lead his people into the land the Sky Father promised them. He realises it's selfish wish that would undercut his son's own legend, but for Almos his word is sacred.



    STR: B
    END: C
    AGI: A
    MGI: B
    LCK: B
    NP: A


    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance: A
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells of A-Rank or below, no matter what High-Thaumaturgy it is. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a 'Magus Killer'.

    Saber's high rank come from the blessing of Sky Father to the one who would lead the Magyars to their new homeland. Even if he ultimately failed in that goal, the blessing of resistance once given won't be retracted and so, Almos is nightmare to face for a mage.

    Riding: A
    All vehicles and all creatures but those of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast-rank can be used as mounts with great skill.

    Personal Skills:

    Eye of the Mind(True): B
    Heightened capacity for observation, refined through training, discipline and experience. A danger-avoidance ability that utilizes the intelligence collected up to the current time as the basis, in order to predict the opponent’s activity and change the current situation. This is not a result of talent, but an overwhelming amount of combat experience. A weapon wielded by none other than a mortal, gained through tenacious training. So long there is even a 1% chance of a comeback, this ability greatly improves the chances of winning. Capable of calm analysis of battle conditions even when in danger and deduce an appropriate course of action after considering all possibilities to escape from a predicament.

    From Khazaria into Transylvania, Almos led Magyars on the path of battle, pillage and land-taking until they would find their new home. As such, he gained astonishing amount of experience when it comes to battle, and there is little that truly manages to surprise him on the battlefield.

    Hmmm? You think this trick will work on me?


    Independent Action: A
    The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master. At higher ranks, it is also possible to remain for extended periods of time in this world without an established contract. It is both useful and troublesome depending on the disposition of the Servant and the rank of Independent Action, as at high enough ranks it allows to even resist Command Spells. It is possible to take action even without a Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary. At this rank, it is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for about a week without a Master.

    Almos bows to no one but Sky Father, and as the leader of nomad tribes he knows how to survive on limited resources until opportunity to acquire (pillage) more presents itself.

    If you want my allegiance, then let me be clear. Approach me as an equal and never presume you have power over scion of Attila. Then, we can be friends.


    Sacred King: A
    Different from the standard Charisma, this skill denotes one as an individual with divine right to rule, whether by the value of actual religious appointment or their rule being straight out foretold by the god(s). In non-monotheistic religions, it also present the individual as at least partially divine. At this rank, the skill acts as composite of Divinity of C-rank and Charisma of B-rank.

    Almos' birth was prophesied by his mother's dreams as a birth of great leader who would unite the tribes and set them on path to greatness. He was the one to lead the Magyars out of Khazaria and into the Carpathian Basin, even if he himself died before he could set the foot in it.

    I was promised to my people by Sky Father. He gave me the goal, and I fulfilled it to my best.



    Noble Phantasms:

    Sword of Scourge of God
    Photon Ray

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B

    If battle is what you wish for, fine! Witness, the might of Attila's blood! Photon Ray!

    Claiming descent from Attila the Hun himself, Almos wields strange, tri-colored blade that is at odds with what a horseback nomad would wield into battle. Whatever the truth, Saber backs his claim with might of the sword of Attila he somehow managed to find and wield. It suffers obvious rank down in power, and Almos doesn't have access to the true form of the Noble Phantasm, but its powerful anti-civilisation and anti-divine properties are still as powerful as ever.

    Invoking Noble Phantasm, Almos charges on his horse with a sword pointed in front of him, Photon Ray enveloping both in prismatic light and turning Saber into comet striking through the battlefield and tearing all opposition before him apart. The strenght of the charge doesn't diminish regardless of starting distance and allows Almos even to take to the skies to chase after his enemy. However, in this state Almos has little manoeuvrability and so prefers to go in straight line. Additionally, his back isn't protected by the energy of Photon Ray, with Almos relying on Turul's protection to diminish this weakness.



    Banner of Descendants of the Huns
    Turul

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: A
    A great bird of prey that was at once one of the forms under which Almos appeared in prophetic dreams of his mother and great falcon that protected Magyars from Pechengs' eagles, that he adapted as his symbol. Summoned into Saber class, Almos's Noble Phantasm takes form of great falcon manifested alongside him. Almos can utilise this falcon both as a scout and messenger in familiar-like matter, surveying the battlefield from the skies.

    When invoked before battle, Turul takes to the skies, casting over the battlefield powerful, renewable, defensive blessing that shields Saber and his allies from all attacks below C-rank and diminishing damage received from all others. Due to it's legendary associations such a protection will only increase in strenght (shielding from attacks below A-rank) if confronted with Servant possessing strong association with eagles. The only way to break the blessing in permanent manner is to shoot Turul out of the skies, no small feat for its great perception and agility.

    Saber can also invoke his Noble Phantasm in the middle of battle. In that case, Turul will become the conduit to the might of Magyar Horde, diving for the enemy as lightning blessed by Sky Father. However, from the moment Turul starts its dive until a moment when it's back at the altitude it was before, its defensive blessing, if previously invoked, will vanish.

    Lore:

    Saber is Almos, mythological father of Arpad, legendary founder of Hungary and its first dynasty. His name is derived from "alom", dream, as his birth was prophesied to his mother in dreams. He was elected as the leader of all seven Magyar tribes and then took them from out of Khazar' reigns to west, settling first on Pontic Steppes, and when Bulgarian-Pecheng coalition forced them to flee, he directed them towards Carpathian Basin, though he would not enter it, as he was killed in Transylvania. Some say it was political murder by his son. Other accounts say it was ritual murder meant as divine sacrifice to reverse the troubled fate of Magyars.

  7. #7507
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    What i should do for my next sheet

    A:the rewrite of one of my first servants( i am talking extreme makeover)
    B:the "father" of merlin proto (whos identity will be a shock)
    C:the pseudo-servant of a character nobody remembers (but i think deserves some love)


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

  8. #7508
    死徒 Dead Apostle zikari8's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    What i should do for my next sheet

    A:the rewrite of one of my first servants( i am talking extreme makeover)
    B:the "father" of merlin proto (whos identity will be a shock)
    C:the pseudo-servant of a character nobody remembers (but i think deserves some love)
    D. All of the above


  9. #7509
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    What i should do for my next sheet

    A:the rewrite of one of my first servants( i am talking extreme makeover)
    B:the "father" of merlin proto (whos identity will be a shock)
    C:the pseudo-servant of a character nobody remembers (but i think deserves some love)
    E. None of the above

    Your prior servants aren't very good, whether from a crunch or a fluff standpoint.

    Your introduction of these choices; ie. "extreme makeover", "identity will be a shock", "character nobody remembers" really doesn't suggest well thought out, quality characters either.

    If you're just going for shock value don't announce it.
    Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; September 3rd, 2017 at 09:04 PM.

  10. #7510
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoneandonlyz View Post
    E. None of the above

    Your prior servants aren't very good, whether from a crunch or a fluff standpoint.

    Your introduction of these choices; ie. "extreme makeover", "identity will be a shock", "character nobody remembers" really doesn't suggest well thought out, quality characters either.
    Well, i never even knew of your existence, so i will not take your half baked opinion in consideration but thanks


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

  11. #7511
    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
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    I always fond of Sengoku Jidai, IMHO it is more interesting than any other romanticized historical period. Well, there is Matter of France but it is full of bias, demonizing and straight up research failure, it become shitty once I look it that way.

    I think someone already make this guy a few month ago, but since he is my OC waifu's rival, I should make one my own. There is a lot of theming in this sheet. Compared to Kenshin, whose power is all about anti unit, he is all about anti army. While Kenshin's kit geared on buffing herself, Shingen is geared on buffing others. Military commander is always fun because how I wrestle with the idea of their NP and avoiding the landmines that is Ionian Heteroi clone. Any form of comment or criticism is appreciated.

    Speaking of Kenshin, I hope EOR 3 didn't feature her. Because the leaks say it full of guys, I didn't want a not genderbent Kenshin ever, I refuse!


    Class : Rider
    True Name: Takeda Shingen
    Origin : Historical Facts, Japan
    Height/Weight : 175 cm/ 85kg
    Gender : Male
    Master : Gudao
    Alignment : True Neutral
    Attribute : Man
    Trait : Beast (as long his 1st NP is active) (not THAT Beast)

    Parameter
    STR : B MGI : D
    AGI : E LUCK : A
    END : C NP : B

    Personal Informations


    Takeda Shingen is a warlord during the Sengoku Era, one of The Three Big Power of Kanto along side Hojo Ujiyasu and his famous rival Uesugi Kenshin. The Takeda is in particular, the strongest of the three and thought to be the main obstacle for Nobunaga to unify Japan.

    This Servant is his aspect as the wise warlord that won many battles and remains undefeated, causing him summoned as the infamous masked warlord. His true appearance and voice has been hidden by it, but due to the nature of Servant, he probably around midst 20.

    Calm and collected, he is not refered as Master Tactician or Sengoku's Kongming for nothing. But, he can be easily excited if fighting head on or for worse- meeting pretty women. This is something that his womanizer reputation lived on even as a Servant, which perhaps, better ask Kenshin for its full detail. Whatever it is, such thing will not make his ability as a tactician hindered.

    If Nobunaga's main strength is her innovative mind, while Kenshin is her unorthodox way to achieve victory, Shingen excel on straight up warfare. Be it a battle between armies, training men to their fullest potential, building dams for military purposes or employing ninjas for espionage; he know well how to utilize them.

    It seems that his wish stay true with his dream during his life, but expanded. From the Shogun of Japan, to Emperor of the world. Thought he wanted to nostalgia with the tension at Kawagashima, he seems wanted to take revenge on Nobunaga the most.

    Judging by the overall quality and fame alone, Shingen can be considered as a 3rd rate Servant. However, combined with his own wits and competent Master, he can become a force to be reckoned with. While all of his NP is nothing if employed alone, combining and utilizing them effectively could destroy those over confident Top Servants with a swift blitz.


    "What I likes? Meeting talented men. Connecting and forging a union with them is the key of war that Sun Zu teached. Huh, you ask where I am going? socializing with those pretty- powerful queens of course."
    "What I hates? I dislike disloyal men. Some people can't keep their words, they fail your expectation. I have been eliminating them since young for the better, even my own family..."
    "Of course, I wish to become the Shogun once again. But not Japan, the whole world! Domaining over great men that I met here will be the ultimate satisfaction that I could hope for!"


    Class Skill
    Magic Resistance B
    Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected. The Takeda Clan is one of the first to employ ninjas in their strategy. Naturally, they know full well how ninjutsu work as such, know how to counter them.

    Riding B+
    Allow ones to handle normal mount in high expertise, the plus modifier indicate his expertise is higher than those with Riding B. Takeda is known for their mastery in cavalry or mounted warfare, their ability on using them is far above other clans from the sengoku period.

    Personal Skill
    Charisma C+
    Having C Rank in this Skill is sufficient to lead a city or army, gain higher advantage when trying to be charismatic toward individuals. He is a man that know well to please people with words, praising them for their ability and use it for his own gain, his words is on the state between sincerity and manipulativeness. This is derived from his infamous quote:

    Match the talents of the person to the situation.
    Taking advantage of the individual characteristics of each, and allowing them to fully display their talents is important. By finding these people, and making them part of your group, you are building your strengths, your castle, stone wall and moat.

    Being able to persuade and influence people is an important skill.
    Being sincere in your attitude is what reaches the minds of ones’ opponents and attracts people to you.
    By not obeying this rule, you create an enemy who will turn hostile on you.


    Kenshin: You say those, but you only want to impress girls don't you?

    Military Tactics C+
    Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm, gain special advantage over other Sengoku jidai Servant due to his status as 'the best strategist in Japan.' Known as the most outstanding strategist during the warring period, he is feared across Japan for his briliance in warfare. Not only he able to mobilize his army effectively, he know fully well what his army lack and needs, like the damming of Fuji River for example.

    Eye of The Mind (True) A
    Heightening capacity of observation, refined through training, discipline and experience. A danger-avoidance ability that utilizes the intelligence collected up to the current time as the basis, in order to predict the opponent’s activity and change the current situation by combat experience. Shingen has displayed the talent to see throught ploy since young, when his father trying to overthrow him from the throne- then reach it height during the famous episode where he swiftly bash Kenshin's strike with a war fan.

    Tessenjutsu C
    A defensive martial arts on employing iron war fan, it is said its originally derived from Tengu's Art of War. It is something defensive in nature, which allow one to counter enemy attack to his advantage and applying pressure with it. Shigen employ this during the famous episode where Kenshin clash with him personally, only deflected with his skillful defense. However, because he only learn its practical usage, his skill can't be compared to those experts like Ganryu or Yoshitsune.

    NOBLE PHANTASMS:

    "In Heaven and Earth, I'm alone shall be revered."

    Heaven and Earth Crossed Rivalry
    Kai no Tora (カイの虎)

    Anti Army (self)
    Rank C+++ (A)

    The Noble Phantasm that represent the Tiger side of Tiger and Dragon, the rivalry between Shingen and Kenshin. Unlike Echigo no Ryu, whose power increase the more her enemies feared her, it increase its potency the more his allies have faith in him.

    It give him the physical power of White Tiger, a guardian beast in Chinese mythos. Aside the physical prowness of mythical tiger that rival a dragon, it grants him with strong immunity toward magecraft, poison and heighten his sense. It also able to be fired off, becoming an energy blast in tiger shape.

    Because it is a crystallization of Kenshin and Shingen reputation and rivalry, both Kai no Tora and Echigo no Ryu will releasing the same output regardless of the condition if they met. However, due to the anecdotes that both dies unceremoniously when warring with Nobunaga, both NP will be rendered as useless fighting her.

    Ever Forwarding Warhorses
    Kiba Gundan (騎馬軍団)

    Anti Army
    Rank E+

    The special horses that specially trained for war by Takeda clan, a Noble Phantasm that formed from the anecdotes that Takeda's cavalry is the strongest in Japan. These horses are so well trained that, they killed their own animalistic instincts causing them have no fear toward anything, even to the sight of Noble Phantasm.

    Their top speed is only little higher than a Servant with A rank AGI stats and far more weaker than those famed mounts. But its true strength lies in their number, Shingen have 3000 of these horses in total, which if his horse been killed, he can just materialize another. With enough magical energy, he may able to summon all of them and armed his army with it. They also able to be trained from ordinary horses if he wish so, but it takes quite some time before they are ready to be used.

    Please note, that despite they fearless toward anything doesn't mean they immune from attacks. Because the anecdotes that this cavalry completely obliterated by Nobunaga, they are weakened from any form of modern weaponry attack or heroes with Innovation skill.


    4 Letters of War Art, Heart of Virtue
    Furinkazan (風林火山)

    Anti Army
    Rank B

    A special tactic that has been romanticized to Shingen's life, It is an NP that derived from the original NP,
    Guide for Achieving Certain Victory
    Art of War,
    taking form as the giant banner that armed on his horse with 4 special kanji in it. By choosing a single letter, he can chose this following effect:
    - 風 Wind, increase movement speed and Riding significantly, gain additional wind element when attacking
    - 林 Forest, allow their steps unable to be heard and able to hide their presence as long no one see them physically (camera, familiar, bounded field and other detections also count)
    - 火 Fire, increase agility and able to detect hidden objects, gain additional fire element when attacking
    - 山 Mountain, gain an armor that hard to be penetrated, it is similar with an increase of END stats but actually separate from one's physical prowess and able to be bypassed with enough force or magecraft

    Shingen able to chose all of them at the same time as long he have enough magical energy to sustain it.

    This Noble Phantasm also applied to allies, as Furinkazan is a tactic that he implemented to his army. Even an army of mere homonculus or zombies can become a threat to Servant if armed with Noble Phantasm.


    Interaction with other Servants

    Kenshin:
    *Clash*
    Kenshin: You still wearing an ugly mask, old friend
    Shingen: Yet, you become cuter than ever!

    Oda Nobunaga: I'll hold my grudge toward her for now, humanity survival shall take priority.

    Tokugawa Ieyasu: That dumb Tanuki become the Shogun!? The FUCK!?

    Fuuma Kotarou: I still remember the horror of the Fuumas back in the day. And now that particular attack become an NP too.

    Yukimura Sanada: Man, if only you were older back then and serve my army.

    Sun Zu: Never I dream the day where I trade idea with my idol.

    Seibafaces: Those girls are very pretty, Master. Eh? King of England? Her treacherous son? Emperor of Roman Empire? It is Kenshin all over again!


    PS: If anyone searching for a good English source about Japanese history (Sengoku in particular), I recommend reading Stephen Turnbull or Yoshikawa Eiji's books.

  12. #7512
    吸血鬼 Vampire Omida's Avatar
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    Shingen:
    Seems to be really focused on teamwork, especially as his Noble Phantasms' effects can be shared with allies.

    I would suggest lowering Military Tactics at least by one rank. It scales weirdly in my eyes and B-rank is Alexander the Great level. Since Shingen didn't quite had the same level of success, he shouldn't have it so high. C would probably be enough.

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    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Omida View Post
    Shingen:
    Seems to be really focused on teamwork, especially as his Noble Phantasms' effects can be shared with allies.

    I would suggest lowering Military Tactics at least by one rank. It scales weirdly in my eyes and B-rank is Alexander the Great level. Since Shingen didn't quite had the same level of success, he shouldn't have it so high. C would probably be enough.
    Well yeah, that's the thing that I themed him up.

    As for Military Tactic, I aware that B rank are full of successful people like Iskandar and Attila. It is more in case with his informed attribute as the best strategist in Sengoku era, which I took liberty of my own when Nobunaga get B and she is not regarded as the best in that period (not my word, that is what my source told me). I do consider C at first, but when I see the one who has C is Gilles, I found that rank is not lived up with such title.

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    吸血鬼 Vampire Omida's Avatar
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    Which is why I think Military Tactics scales weirdly. B-rank should be for people who got reputation as great strategists, with A being Iskandar-tier.

    Gilles actually held the title of Marshall of France and even before joining Jeanne, he was pretty successful, so I can get why he would get it. I would say that in Nasu-canon C-rank is' good or hailed as good' but not actually hugely successful, and even if two people have the same rank, there is still a room for disparity.

    Nobunaga probably got it so high, because with her innovative tactics she went from unimportant Daimyo of small, backwater province, to being well on the way to unification. I mean, aside from starting as a joke character and thus being a little over-wanked.

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    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
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    Hmm, maybe C+!
    Dang, lowering his Military Tactics mean lowering Kenshin's too.

  16. #7516
    吸血鬼 Vampire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    Hmm, maybe C+!
    Dang, lowering his Military Tactics mean lowering Kenshin's too.
    So what is the + for situationally?

    Ultimately consider this. Shingen did not even manage to unify Japan and ultimately ran out of war funding and momentum when his provinces' gold mines dried up.

    Iskander, while it didn't last long (that's more an administrative issue though), did manage to claim a huge territory extending eastwards from Macedonia as far as India. Why should Shingen (or Kenshin) be considered his equal? Nippon Ichiban?
    Last edited by Theoneandonlyz; September 5th, 2017 at 04:24 PM.

  17. #7517
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    hey! do you guys remember my first sheet? from, like, ages ago?

    So, here the first of the three sheet image doing now, next one come later today (or tommnorow, i dont know), also i would like if guys let know how this is compared to the original one i made.

    Saber: kriemhild
    Img:
    Str:C, End:B, Agi:B
    Mna:A, Lck:E, Np:A
    Aligment: neutral/good
    Gender: female
    Height: 168cm
    Weight: 55kg
    Place of origin: germany
    Armament: sword
    Likes: forgiviful people, quiet times, honesty
    Deslike: vengence, envy, war, herself
    Talents:cooking, economics, stabing people
    Natural enemies:her family, her old self.

    Skills:
    magic resistence(B): as a someone from the age of gods, it is natural. But she did not experience much during her life time.

    Riding(C): is a farly good rider, But not particulary famous for it.

    Golden rule(marriage)(A): born in royality, she was alredy very rich, both her husbands are famous for his wealth.

    Hero's doomsmaiden: While during her life she would stand beside heroes, she Also was at least related to their fall. A hero who sides whith her gains a rank up in STR, AGI and END, but takes two rank downs in LCK.

    Pursuit of vengence(C): the nature of her legend allows her to be summoned under the avenger class, however she firmily refuses this side of her, so insted she gains this skill. She is capable of using Avenger(B), oblivion correction(C) and self-replenishment(C), But only one at time and the ranks are lower than it would be if she was on the Avenger class

    Noble phantasm:
    Balmung: phantasmal greatsword, felling of the sky demon(anti-unit: A+):
    The sword of her beloved that she used to kill his Assassin, because of her not being the true owner, is degraded into anti-unit and the size seems to have diminish a little, other than that it retains all of its original abillites.

    Photon ray: sword of the war god(anti-civilization: A-):
    The sword of her second husband(?) that she hesitated to use, as it remembers her of her old, manipulative self. because of her not understanding its true nature she cannot utilize its true funcion, but her pursuit of vengence still allows a AoE effect. It cannot be wilded togheter with balmung and will seal it for the next 12 hours.

    Nibelungenlied: The Song of the Nibelungs(anti-mercy: A): the cristalization of sabers revenge against the killers of her first husband, in the form of the a golden belt that belonged to another woman and that was a catalisys to her husband's downfall.
    Once its name is called, the wearer is engulfed in dark and crimson flames, everything the flames touches will either burn to ashe or (If luck rank is high enough) become weak and powerless, the effect will also continualy injure the user and, if dont stoped, will cause his death.
    saber would remove the belt, as it discust her, but it seens permanently attached to her, so she goes by profusly refusing to use this noble phantasm. She may use to safe the life of someone she realy care for tho.

    Lore:
    Saber is kriemhild, a main character in the song of the nibelungs and the wife, bane and avenger of siegfried.
    she was born a inocent princess and, after a omen that her first husband would be brutaly murdered, resolve to never marry.
    Ofcourse, this was before siegfried.
    She loved him at first sight, and after he win her hand in trade of some "favors" for her brother, They married and she knew true happiness for a while.
    But it was not meant to last, after brunhilde refer to her husband as a lowly vassal, she showed her the golden belt she recieved in her wedding, the belt that haddad belong to brunhilde. This was the moment she killed her husband.
    after siegfried's death she turned into a vengence machine. She married the king of huns and started her revenge. She caused the death of hundreds of people with completly disregard, she did not care if it was her family or even her own soldiers, she only cared for her revenge only.
    While she did tortured and decapited both her brother and her husband's killer, it was only while she died that she felt her vengence was complete.

    Personality:
    Saber looks and acts like a loner and, while never inpolite, she do not let people aproximate her either.
    She fells like she do not deserves happiness. She can not help developing fellings for the people who help her, but she does her best to not let this show.
    Sometimes, with the right person and the right set of actions, one can make her let her guard down. In this this situation she shows a realy soft and caring personality
    While she does acept the faults she made, she stills also blames her brother and her husband's killer and if she meets with one of then, she may turn back into a "she-devil"
    Last edited by the god of world-0; September 5th, 2017 at 03:01 PM.


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

  18. #7518
    魔神王 Demon God King massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    Good lord i can just imagine the rivalry between her and brynhildr.

    anyways it seems like a good sheet to me (definitevly better than my sheets)
    Last edited by massive_jojo_reference; September 5th, 2017 at 03:35 PM.

  19. #7519
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by massive_jojo_reference View Post
    Good lord i can just imagine the rivalry between her and brynhildr.

    anyways it seems like a good sheet to me (definitevly better than my sheets)

    Well, i dont think brynhildr would like, But from her part, she would only be very embarased and try to act as cool as possible (she does see brunhilde as a victim
    Also i imagine that her reencounter with siegfried would be a eterna loop of one apologinsing to one another


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

  20. #7520
    wwwww Spartacus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoneandonlyz View Post
    So what is the + for situationally?
    I can make wank effect for that. lmao

    Also, I believe the Iskandar issue has been explained and discussed.

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