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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #7881
    AKA Leyeet massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    intro-ish (terrible writing considering i never wrote fanfiction in my life)

    Gilgamesh:IMPOSSIBLE, ME, THE KING OF HEROES CANNOT DO HARM AGAINST YOU MONGREL? YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MONGREL! ENUMA ELISH!
    (A massive explosion occoured that could be heard as high as orbit)
    ''Some time later''
    (Smoke clears out)
    Gilgamesh: impossible... you... you...
    Herodotus: Your magical Artifacts that work on the concept of mystery cannot do any harm against me idiot! Remember my name! i am HERODOTUS, the father of true history, Mythical weapons are useless against me. Give up king of heroes, You cannot win against something that goes against your own nature.

    Herodotus

    faceclaim
    Class: Caster
    alignment: Neutral Good
    Weapon: None
    Origin: Ancient Greece
    H/W: 174cm/77kg
    Likes: Writing, Drawing, Observing and recording events
    Dislikes: Stupid people, ignorant people,
    Natural enemies: Gilgamesh, Solomon,

    Strenght: C
    Agility: D
    Endurance: E
    Mana: B
    Luck: D


    Class Skills
    Territory Creation: C
    He cannot create a workshop but a more of safe space where he can record and study any events that he is aware of, either through rumors or his master supplying him with information

    Item Creation: N/A
    there are no anectodes that he ever made something.


    Personal Skills
    Pioneer of the Stars: EX
    Caster's work might sometimes be considered false, but regardeless it was the first of its kind, it gave humanity the knowledge to learn from past, so that the future might be easier, it was one of the most inportant works in man's history, ''The ability to learn from history and Anticipate the future''

    Myth-Destroyer: A
    A skill bound to historians, such as caster,
    Any Noble Phantasm which is considered legendary or Mythical does Little to harm him if there isn't any proof of it that can confirm its existence. He is Stronger against noble phantasms that have no basis in history. but this makes him weaker against noble phantasms that are either Concepts or Have basis in history.

    Eye of the mind (True): B
    As a historian he must calmly observe every situation to a great detail, this translates into him having a heightened ability to avoid danger and make tactical retreats when neccesary.


    Noble Phantasm
    The book which describes the events pass
    The Histories (Anti-World) (A-)

    The very first book that records events in high detail, it is the basis of all other works that describe history. written by caster this book can Confirm the existence of anything and anyone reveal countless names and identify any object no matter if magical or not. It is the work of literature most important to the world for without it the world would not know itself. It Rapidly accelerated the end of the age of gods solely on the fact that humanity was for the first time able to be aware of things that happened before their birth. And it sparked thousands upon thousands of other works of history just like it. while it is an artifact from the age of gods its very nature and every fiber of its being counters the concept of the age of gods and makes it merely that. a concept one among many. besides Comfirming existances it can nullify any event which is tied to the age of gods and works on the concept of mystery. however it is weak to any historical weapon which is capable of destroying objects, because to those it is still merely a Book.

    However, The book's wasn't always Historically accuarte, it sometimes describes gods and supernatural events, those are the only things that keep it tied to the age of gods, as caster himself states that he belives in them. But that doesn't change the fact that it was the Total Opposite of the Mystery. At some times Caster made things up and put them in the book, this perhaps robed the book of its true potential. it Could not Nulify all Mysteries and it could not bring the and of the age of gods by its exitence alone. Thus the ''-''


    Personality
    Humble and silent yet at the same time posses a adventurous spirit, the father of history always takes facts over rumors and is very cynical, he is creative as much he is obsessed with history.

    He can sometimes pass as a cynic or a nihilist because of this. but he is infact just a realist. even though he is a realist he still worsips the greek gods, as he belives the gods interact with the world as much as humans do. ss

    He is always focused on bright things in life and cannot stand someone making a fool out of him, he also hates controversies as he belives that blindly following something leads to disortion of facts and allows hypocrisy and wrongs to spread.

    his wish for the grail is to make humanity overall a smarter species, one that takes reason and logic over impulses and emotion, humanity that judges everything fairly and doesn't bias towards antyhing.
    Last edited by massive_jojo_reference; September 30th, 2017 at 02:48 PM.

  2. #7882
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    Herodotus: I see where you're going with it, and honestly I'm appreciative that anyone made a sheet for this guy at all. Always seemed like a good candidate for Servanthood to me.

    but

    I can't say I really like how the actual sheet turned out. A lot of it feels undetailed (skills) and overpowered (NP), but I think that's just a small part of the problem. Tbh, I don't really feel you've put enough nuance to this character. I mean, Histories is a pretty important work, but it's not like it's a 100% accurate retelling of events; Herodotus embellishes and probably outright makes stuff up at a few points. It's not a 100% true to life account of history in the way you're making it out to be. I feel more detail and refinement would be needed to flesh out this character and to acknowledge/embrace that element of his story.




    Also Yamato-no-Orochi from a few pages back didn't get any feedback so here's a few words. From a technical standpoint, it seems good. It's a fun sheet but a very silly one (not that that's a bad thing). Assassin seems kind of a weird choice to me but it's discussed in the actual sheet so I think it's fine.
    Last edited by 4score7years; September 29th, 2017 at 06:33 PM.

  3. #7883
    AKA Leyeet massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 87 View Post
    Herodotus: I see where you're going with it, and honestly I'm appreciative that anyone made a sheet for this guy at all. Always seemed like a good candidate for Servanthood to me.

    but

    I can't say I really like how the actual sheet turned out. A lot of it feels undetailed (skills) and overpowered (NP), but I think that's just a small part of the problem. Tbh, I don't really feel you've put enough nuance to this character. I mean, Histories is a pretty important work, but it's not like it's a 100% accurate retelling of events; Herodotus embellishes and probably outright makes stuff up at a few points. It's not a 100% true to life account of history in the way you're making it out to be. I feel more detail and refinement would be needed to flesh out this character and to acknowledge/embrace that element of his story.




    Also Yamato-no-Orochi from a few pages back didn't get any feedback so here's a few words. From a technical standpoint, it seems good. It's a fun sheet but a very silly one (not that that's a bad thing). Assassin seems kind of a weird choice to me but it's discussed in the actual sheet so I think it's fine.
    And i quess the skills are alright?
    In any case thank you for criticism. and to be honest making shit up is another thing historians do when they don't have all the evidence.
    but i do quess you are right. im also gonna add the backstory for him at some point

  4. #7884
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle TresserT's Avatar
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    Servant Assassin
    Agatha Christie

    Alignment: Neutral Evil
    Origin: British History



    Stats
    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: E
    Mana: C
    Luck: B
    Noble Phantasm: B

    Skills

    Class Skills
    ​Presence Concealment D+:
    Hides one’s presence as a Servant. The rank of Presence Concealment drops considerably when preparing an attack. It’s suitable for spying, but if an enemy suspects that Assassin may be in the area they will immediately detect her.
    This skill’s ranking is low as neither Assassin nor her characters engaged in true espionage or assassination. However, due to an infamous incident where she disappeared for 11 days, this skill Is considered Rank Up if she is attempting to “avoid others” rather than “spy”.

    Personal Skills
    Detective's Authority (false) A:
    The ability to conduct an investigation without verifying credentials. As this is not a skill accorded to real detectives but rather a literary device used in detective novels, it cannot be called a true detective’s authority.
    Even with no proof of authenticity, civilians will treat Assassin as “an authority investigating the recent strange events.” No one will question her right to investigate even if they would have a logical reason to do so. However, those with natural dispositions against authority figures may still refuse to cooperate. Has no effect on those who understand Assassin’s nature as a Servant..
    No Alibi B:
    The ability to always be in the right place at the right (most inconvenient) time. A technique frequently used by contract demons to ensure they’re available when their target is most vulnerable.
    It is available due to her right as an author. If an event occurs at any location, Assassin can choose to say “I was there all along!” and gain access to any information from that event. If someone were to try and blow up the location Assassin could say “I was never there!” and avoid the attack, but lose any information she would have gained. It is an ability which plays with one’s own history, available only to those who can make their presence unknown.
    Of course, once someone’s location has been revealed it can’t be changed. So long as an outside observer can confirm Assassin’s location at any given time, this skill will remain sealed. She is further limited by the accessibility of a location. For example, unnoticed entry into a bounded field, or any entry into a Reality Marble are both impossible.
    Intimidate C:
    The ability to overwhelm the opponent by just the Servant’s presence. Assassin’s physical stats will appear as one rank higher than her opponent’s and when confronted she will put off an “incredibly deadly aura”. However, this is only an illusion. Has no effect on those who know Assassin’s true name.
    Normally the killer would never dare confront the detective head on. However due to her class this skill’s rank is lowered.
    Medical Techniques C:
    Having worked as a pharmacist, she has a good understanding on the creation, composition, and application of drugs and poisons.

    Noble Phantasm

    Noble Phantasm
    Murder Game: In The End There Will Be None
    Anti-Servant, B
    A Noble Phantasm which marks Assassin, not as one who murders, but as one who creates murder. Assassin constructs a personal death for each enemy Servant. After 24 hours, if Assassin is still alive, the deaths will occur on their respective targets. However, if even a single death would fail or become impossible, none of the deaths will occur.
    While Assassin doesn’t need to physically carry out the attacks herself, she is still the character who commits each murder. In other words, if Assassin would be unable to successfully perform an attack then the murder (and thus the entire Phantasm) will fail.
    It is an ability which makes the smallest of possibilities an absolute certainty. An all-or-nothing-type Phantasm. If Assassin knows her enemy’s weakness, then she can concoct a plan to exploit that weakness and use this to flawlessly pull off that plan. If she knew the true names of every Servant then this Phantasm would be nearly unstoppable. However, the resolution cannot be reached until she discovers all the clues.
    If asked why the detective would have such an ability… “What do you mean the detective can’t be the murderer?!? As if I would adhere to such an oppressive convention!”

    Lore

    Lore
    A twentieth century hero and one of the greatest writers of all time, the Queen of Crime herself. Her greatest hit, the survival mystery "And Then There Were None", is the third best selling book in history, beaten only by the Bible and the Complete Works of William Shakespeare.

    Christie was an author who revelled in mystery, not only in her books but in her life as well. She was known as an incredibly eccentric woman who kept many parts of her life a secret. She was involved in several stunts, such as publishing several titles under a completely different name, and one incident where she managed to erase her existence for 11 days.

    While the legends surrounding her are weak compared to the heroes of old, the stories she wrote are as influential as any myth. For her skill in creating detective novels and murder mysteries, she became known as the Queen of Crime. It is because of her ability to "create the perfect murder" that she can become an Assassin class Servant, despite having never killed a single person.


    Personality
    Assassin is afflicted by the Curses of the Readers. Her original self is being painted over by the idea of "someone who writes murder mysteries." However, rather than lamenting her identity shift she embraces it. Her appearance has changed to resemble that of her famous detective character, Miss Marple, and she has taken on quirks from her various characters. Perhaps since she was already a hero (weirdo) shrouded in mystery, her personality has remained mostly unchanged.

    In general, she appears to be a kind, if a bit nosy, old lady. She has a grandmotherly demeanor which makes normal humans trust her. However, beneath the surface lies a more twisted woman. She takes an almost sadistic joy in catching her foes in unsolvable situations, ensnaring them in social traps or presenting them with intense moral dilemmas.

    Her combat style is "avoid combat". She lacks the ability to face an enemy Servant in direct combat, but her Phantasm will surely allow her to win once she has sufficient information. As a result, simply playing it safe and observing is her greatest shot at victory. She generally won't even engage unguarded Masters, as it would take a single command seal to end her life. However, she will occasionally appear in front of her enemies if she is certain she will be in no danger. As her goal is to gather information rather than direct combat, she will often meet enemies in public places with lots of civilians, using them as hostages in a way.

    She has no wish for the Grail, and simply participates in the war because it's fun.



    I wanted to make an assassin-like Assassin who wasn't actually an Assassin. Since the original requirement was "if someone committed the perfect murder their name would be unknown", I thought that someone who created but didn't commit the perfect murder would be pretty neat. Of course, she's a modern heroic spirit so her parameters would suck. I gave her that Noble Phantasm to compensate for it, and her entire sheet grew from that.
    Last edited by TresserT; September 29th, 2017 at 08:25 PM.

  5. #7885
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    This is for now, one of my favorite sheet. Bad ass old woman who is one of my favorite writers? Count me in!


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

    Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
    Fate / White Memoria

  6. #7886
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 87 View Post
    I mean, Histories is a pretty important work, but it's not like it's a 100% accurate retelling of events; Herodotus embellishes and probably outright makes stuff up at a few points. It's not a 100% true to life account of history in the way you're making it out to be. I feel more detail and refinement would be needed to flesh out this character and to acknowledge/embrace that element of his story.
    Herodotus was the guy who said "Some things do not happen the way they should, and most things do not happen at all. It is the duty of the conscientious historian to correct these defects". Absolute accuracy was clearly not his goal.

    - - - Updated - - -

    He also believed in literal cyclopes and griffons. So yeah, making him out as an "absolute enemy of mystery" is a bit of a stretch...

  7. #7887
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Been lurking on this thread for a while as an anon, figured I should give it a shot. Be as brutally honest as you can.

    No idea how to work this thing, so sorry for if I'm cluttering everything...

    ...
    Faceclaim

    Name; Captain Ahab
    Class(es); Rider/Avenger/Berserker
    Title(s): Old Thunder
    Armament: Harpoon

    Stats:
    Strength: C
    Agility: D-
    Endurance: B+
    Mana: C
    Luck: E-
    Noble Phantasm: A


    Likes: Discovering new cultures and people, whaling
    Dislikes: Pity, His false leg
    Talents: Monologuing
    Natural Enemy: Moby Dick
    Wish: To have killed Moby Dick


    Skills
    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance: B-
    Coming in such close proximity to a Divine Beast and having it’s saliva enter his bloodstream has given Rider a boon against magics. Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult but easier for Rider to be affected than other Servants with the same rank of Magic Resistance as he didn't receive a formal blessing or spent life working around magic and received magical power from such a brutal way.

    Riding: ~
    Has been lost in exchange for his personal skill Voyager of the Storm

    Personal Skills:

    Voyager of the Storm: A+
    A merge of Charisma and Riding, Rider excels in both. He managed to convince an entire crew of whalers to follow him onto his journey for Moby Dick despite it being clear he was motivated by his own want for revenge, and was known to have sailed through a typhoon with all three masts damaged but managed to keep his thought patterns on keeping the ship afloat and the crew alive.

    Battle Continuation: D+
    An ability that lets the Servant survive with often fatal wounds, at D rank it only gives Rider a general toughness and the ability to survive fatal wounds for a short period of time. As he survived the loss of his leg and has received a massive scar on his face from an unknown attack, it's easy to tell Rider is tougher than the average man. Gains (+) modifier if the injury removed a limb

    Degradation of Sanity: E (A)
    Similar to a fellow Rider’s skill, this represents Rider's eventual loss of his sanity. At the beginning of the war, this skill is so miniscule it may as well not even exist, not influencing Rider’s actions in the slightest. But, as the war goes on, the rank grows higher and higher with every opponent beaten, and his sanity degrades more and more. By the end of the war, he’s a raving madman drunk on his “guaranteed victory”. He’ll make errors more, he’ll ignore orders more often and easier, and he’ll be more prone to monologuing which leaves him open.


    Noble Phantasm
    Noble Phantasm:

    Pequod
    Ship of the Damned Whaler
    A
    Anti-Army
    Range: 28 meters(size of ship) 40 meters ( range of harpoons)
    Targets: 1~20


    If the fingers around a cannibal’s neck announce to others that he is a hunter of men, the whale bones of the Pequod announce it as a hunter of whales. The ship is battered and damaged, but has been steadily repaired with the bones of whales the crew has captured over time. It is a now a massive beast of a ship, with the jagged bones acting as armor against storms and rouge waves.

    The is outfitted with a wide and diverse crew, a notable few having unique powers of their own. Ranging from the survivability of Ishmael, the deadly accuracy of Queequeg, or the seemingly demonic abilities and appearance of Fedallah, the crew is extremely diverse in both ethnicities and abilities. If a member of the crew is killed, they cannot be revived again in the same Grail War.

    However, there's a part of the Pequod not even Rider is aware of. In life, this ship was the lifeline that kept him and his crew alive all throughout their three year voyage.
    The crew only died because the Pequod sank, and now in death the ship is yet again their lifeline.

    If the ship is to ever be damaged to the point it would sink in open water, it will drag Rider down with it. The rigging shall ensnare his limbs like snakes, and he will dematerialize with the boat as he thrashes uselessly.


    Personality
    Personality: An ungodly, godlike man. For his opponents, he is the basic thought of what Ahab should be. A bitter, death obsessed, borderline tyrant who will act like a wild animal in fighting and is obsessed with revenge.

    But, away from battle and if somehow summoned as Rider, he is far more diverse. He hates the world and constantly fights against it, but he can’t help but be fascinated by it and it’s people. He is surprisingly easy to get along with if on friendly terms, as despite his time period he holds no prejudice to woman or to ethnicities differing from his own. You’d be hard pressed to find a man more accepting of different cultures, he will gladly dine with cannibals, dance with a queen, and then laugh alongside barbarians in the same day. He can even easily be a father figure if he deems it necessary.

    However, that is only if one doesn’t mention his leg or Moby Dick. Hearing that name will send him into a tirade, his anger and depression towards the beasts coming out in droves until he catches his breath and then goes into a monologue about the futility of life. Any time his smile stretches too far, or his laugh gets too loud, his stump throbs in pain and his joy is sapped away quicker than it can form.



    Lore
    Lore: When one thinks of a “revenge story”, it is difficult to not think of the Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. The book is regarded as the Great American Novel, and is considered to be one of the greatest works of fiction ever made.


    However, what few know is that story is not a work of fiction, but truth.


    Most of the story bears what happened, with names changed to protect the individuals associated with the hunt, but two details were omitted by the author to prevent…repercussions by the Mage's Association. One was that the Divine Beast Moby Dick wasn’t a fictional monster, and that what killed the Pequod's crew was not Ahab's insanity or Moby Dick.


    None of the individuals there remember what exactly happened, “One second we were chasing the white beast, and the next I’m on a coffin.” To quote Ishmael, so Herman created the ending to finish the story. One theory is that Gaia retaliated at a human trying to kill one of the last Divine Beasts to exist in the modern era. Another is that the story that was written is how the Pequod met it’s end. Some even claim that Alaya had intervened with a Counter Guardian and destroyed the ship and crew spare Ishmael. No one knows, and no one will ever know.

    All that matters to Rider is that the whale got away, an unforgivable sin after what the beast had done to him.



    Tactics
    Tactics: Due to Rider’s life and personality, it is best to end the war as quickly as possible, otherwise he’ll grow foolhardy and try to end the war himself. He’s also fairly situational, as his ship is best used as a supplement or a platform for another Servant to launch a more combat oriented Noble Phantasm.


    Due to his low stats and lack of true combat ability, his greatest strength is his crew, and one must use them all effectively to use Rider effectively. The only members of the crew that could serve as a risk to Rider or the Master are Starbuck and Pip, as the former doesn’t trust the captain at the slightest and the latter is mostly insane from being stranded for several days in the open water.


    The Master should also be extremely careful to not aggravate or fall to Rider’s charms, as whales are far from the strangest thing he’s sunk a harpoon into…
    Last edited by Saron; September 30th, 2017 at 09:47 AM. Reason: Problem I only missed at last second

  8. #7888
    後継者 Successor zikari8's Avatar
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    @Ahab
    1) Above-average toughness seems like weak justification for C+ Rank Batcon.
    2) Pequod's kind of generic. The usual summon ship + psuedo Ionia Hetaroi.
    3) Why is it difficult but easier for him to be affected by High Thaumaturgy?
    4) I'd say something about the lore but frankly I remember nothing from the book other than the chapter about ambergris and something about Ishmael and long, thick harpoons.
    5) Pretty good job


  9. #7889
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
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    Captain Ahab It's a pretty good sheet for your first one, but I think there's some worth commenting.

    I wonder if you know that Captain Ahab probabbly already has a canon appearance in FSF, so maybe you can take some clue at his personality or maybe just use his pic as a Faceclaim or something...

    Captain Ahab FSF


    Also, the NP feels somewhat lacking... It's basically a ship made out of whale remains with several crews on it. I don't know, maybe you can make the ship actually do something?

    Aside from that, this is a pretty good sheet.
    Last edited by 34; September 30th, 2017 at 07:09 AM.

  10. #7890
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThirtyFour34 View Post
    Captain Ahab It's a pretty good sheet for your first one, but I think there's some worth commenting.

    I wonder if you know that Captain Ahab probabbly already has a canon appearance in FSF, so maybe you can take some clue at his personality or maybe just use his pic as a Faceclaim or something...

    Captain Ahab FSF


    Also, the NP feels somewhat lacking... It's basically a ship made out of whale remains with several crews on it. I don't know, maybe you can make the ship actually do something?

    Aside from that, this is a pretty good sheet.
    I do know about his appearance in Strange/Fake, but I I'm still not familiar enough the Beast's Lair system and I had no source for the picture. And I'm aware that his NP is rather plain, but I slept on it and I think I have an idea on how to make it not another Ionia Hetaroi clone.

  11. #7891
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zikari8 View Post
    @Ahab
    1) Above-average toughness seems like weak justification for C+ Rank Batcon.
    2) Pequod's kind of generic. The usual summon ship + psuedo Ionia Hetaroi.
    3) Why is it difficult but easier for him to be affected by High Thaumaturgy?
    4) I'd say something about the lore but frankly I remember nothing from the book other than the chapter about ambergris and something about Ishmael and long, thick harpoons.
    5) Pretty good job
    I believe I fixed a majority of the mistakes, I lowered his Batcon, and gave the ship an additional ability.

  12. #7892
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    I believe I fixed a majority of the mistakes, I lowered his Batcon, and gave the ship an additional ability.
    That's a pretty cool Ahab sheet. Surprised there's no mention of the harpoon he tempered with his own blood to kill Moby Dick though, since that seems like obvious NP material.

  13. #7893
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    That's a pretty cool Ahab sheet.
    Well holy hell, wasn't expecting one of my favorite Servant makers to stumble across my sheet!

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Surprised there's no mention of the harpoon he tempered with his own blood to kill Moby Dick though, since that seems like obvious NP material.
    Was tempted to make that a secondary NP, but I figured that since he's only about 40 years older than Jack who has two Noble Phantasms, D~B rank and C rank, I think it could be stretching it with him having a secondary Noble Phantasm to an A rank one, and I wanted to play it safe for my first sheet.

  14. #7894
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    Well holy hell, wasn't expecting one of my favorite Servant makers to stumble across my sheet!
    Well, I wasn't expecting to get such a great compliment, so I guess that makes us even!

    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    Was tempted to make that a secondary NP, but I figured that since he's only about 40 years older than Jack who has two Noble Phantasms, D~B rank and C rank, I think it could be stretching it with him having a secondary Noble Phantasm to an A rank one, and I wanted to play it safe for my first sheet.
    That's some admirable restraint. I tend towards stuffing my sheets full of every cool detail I can think of, hence why they usually end up with like 5 Personal Skills and 2~3 NPs.

  15. #7895
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    Well holy hell, wasn't expecting one of my favorite Servant



    Was tempted to make that a secondary NP, but I figured that since he's only about 40 years older than Jack who has two Noble Phantasms, D~B rank and C rank, I think it could be stretching it with him having a secondary Noble Phantasm to an A rank one, and I wanted to play it safe for my first sheet.
    You can always make an alternative version, like i did with my Odin


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

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  16. #7896
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Source: (X)

    Name; Dorian Gray
    Class; Berserker/Assassin
    Armanent: Knife
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Attribute: Human
    Traits: Human

    Stats:
    Strength: C
    Agility: D
    Endurance: B
    Mana: D
    Luck: B-
    Noble Phantasm: B

    Likes: Alcohol, money, pretty woman
    Dislikes: Romance, responsibility
    Talents: Hedonism
    Natural Enemy: James Vane, Commitment
    Wish: To marry Sibyl and fix his mistakes

    Skills
    Class Skills:
    Madness Enchantment: C
    Retains reason, but he is steadfast in his beliefs and nothing will change that mentality. Gains rank up in Strength and Agility.

    Personal Skills:
    Natural Body (False): A
    The possession of a perfect body from birth. It is (False) as Berserker only received a perfect, unaging body when he sold his soul and had his sins be transferred to a painting of him. But, before he sold his soul, he was beautiful enough that he had become the muse to a painter, who unknowingly painted “the” painting

    Eye for Art: C+
    Berserker has a keen eye for beauty in all shapes, be it a painting or an actress. If he sees a Noble Phantasm that has artistic anecdotes, there is a moderate chance Berserker will be able to discover it’s true name.

    Prince Charming(False): B+
    Berserker was a man of unnatural charm and beauty. So much so he was compared to the Prince Charming of a fairy tale. Is false as he is certainly no fairy tale prince. Woman swoon in his presence, and they can’t help but be enraptured by his beauty and kindness. If he is fighting a woman, and they don’t posses Bravery or another Mental Resistance at an equivalent or lower rank, he can charm them to become his lover. Their devotion can become so strong they will willingly commit suicide for him. Is ineffective if the target is not a woman and attracted to men.


    Noble Phantasm
    The Painting of Dorian Gray
    May I Remain Beautiful, Forever!

    B+
    Anti-Unit (Self)
    Range: N/A
    Targets: 1

    If one sought out to be remembered as being in their youth and not their old age centuries ago, they would get a painting done of them, ensuring they would be forever remembered as young and beautiful by history. One man took that vanity to a new height, when he sold his soul in attempts to truly be known as being young and beautiful forever.

    In order to activate his Noble Phantasm, he must get a portrait done of him by a professional painter, and only then can he curse it to become the Painting of Dorian Gray.

    From that point onwards, any wound or sin that Berserker takes/commitd will go to the painting, and any wounds the painting receives will go to Berserker. If one wounds him, paint will flow from his injury before sealing itself as if nothing had happened while a small wound appears on the Dorian in the painting.

    However, if one were to pour paint remover on the painted Dorian's arm, his physical arm will melt away. If the painting is set on fire, he will burn along with it. The painting is both his greatest defense and his greatest weakness, as he is practically indestructible until the painting is destroyed, but if the painting, which possess no unnatural durability in it's physical form, is destroyed before him then he will die with it


    Lore
    The protagonist of the novel The Painting of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, he was a young gentleman in Victorian era London, and the muse of artist Basil Hallward. Upon a day where he was being painted by the young artist, the nobleman Lord Henry Wotten had come in to observe.

    He spoke of his view on the world, where a man has the right to indulge in any pleasure he desired, be it lust, greed, or any sin he so chose and that the point of life was to beautiful. Berserker, frozen in place for the painting, listened intently on these words, and fancied the thought of living such a hedonistic lifestyle, and silently wished that the painting would age while he stayed young forever.

    He, deciding to indulge in the man's words, goes out onto the streets of London, happening upon a dingy theater, with a beautiful woman reciting Shakespeare. In a rapid period of time, he had courted and proposed to her, the woman Sibyl overjoyed at the idea of being loved proudly called Berserker her “Prince Charming”. Her brother, James Vane, states that if her “Prince” ever harmed her, he will kill him.

    Enjoying his new life, he invited Lord Henry and Basil to see his fiancé act, but was disappointed when Sibyl was too enamored by him to act properly, Henry and Basil both believing he fell in love with her for only her looks.

    Enraged, Berserker broke off the engagement as her acting was her beauty to him, and since she couldn’t do that he saw no point in loving her.

    Upon returning to his home, he finds out, to his delight and intrigue, the painting has adopted a sinister sneer, confirming that his sins go to the painting and not him.

    But, he was still riddled with guilt fir what he had done to his love, he tried to mend the relationship with Sibyl, only to discover from Henry that she had killed herself by drinking acid. His heart hardened, and he decided that from that point onwards good looks and his own lust shall be enough for him.

    Eighteen years and every sin and vice later, he was preparing to make way for Paris when he was interrupted by Basil, who had wanted to confirm whether the stories of his debauchery were true, and Berserker calmly acknowledges it as fact, and then takes him inside to see the painting.

    The painting had become unrecognizable to even the man who had painted it, eighteen years of sin had morphed it into a pathetic caricature of the man who had been painted. Basil begged his friend to pray for forgiveness, which enrages Berserker who blames Basil for making him such a monster in the first place, his rage letting him stab his friend to death.

    After blackmailing an old friend to dispose of the body, he tries to alleviate his guilt by going to an opium den. Unknown to Berserker, James Vane was in that den, still distraught over his sister’s death and her “Prince Charming” vanishing without a lead or even a name.

    After a close call with James, Berserker grew increasingly distraught as James stalked him, until in a stroke of luck, James was killed in a hunting accident. The weight of all the evil he had done finally weighing down on him, Berserker went to Lord Henry and proudly declared that he would live righteously from that point forward. To start his new leaf, he gently breaks up with his current partner without breaking her heart.

    Convinced the painting would look better from his good deed, it was to his horror that he discovered the painting had just become an uglier version of himself.

    Deciding to heed Basil’s words, he decides to go to have a confession of every sin of his. But, if he truly wished to truly move on, he had destroy the only evidence of all the evil he had done, the painting. As he took the knife he had killed Basil with, he stabbed the painted man in the heart.

    His servants heard him cry in pain, and when the police helped break into the room they discovered an ancient man with a knife in his heart and a perfect painting of the nobleman Dorian Gray in front of him, his identity as Dorian Gray only being discovered by the rings on his fingers.

    Truly a fitting death for a man who became a monster.


    Personality
    A man who only cares about lust and money, he is a hedonist through and through. The guilt ridden man who stabbed his painting in the heart and killed himself has yet to exist, and Berserker merely cares about the pleasures one can get in life, be it from drugs, alcohol, or sex.

    If his Master is a woman or has a wife/girlfriend, he’ll heavily flirt with them if he deems them attractive appearance wise. Be it they’re married, crippled, in a hospital bed sick, or even a child, he won’t care. After all, what possibly could a murdering sex-fiend care for?


    Tactics
    Summoning Dorian is extremely situational in a conventional Grail War. Although rare, if he charmed a strong female Servant like Hassan of Serenity or Medb, it could give him an advantage. However, he's that situationa as it relies on his opponents being of the opposite sex and into men. He is either very useful to building a small she-army of loyal woman warriors, or he can be useful as a meat shield.


    Wasn't sure what I wanted to make with this sheet, but here's the end result of a day of brainstorming, researching, and proofreading
    Last edited by Saron; October 20th, 2017 at 06:44 PM.

  17. #7897
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Someone its on a roll. ah, i remenber this feeling

    - - - Updated - - -

    I also like how the character you choose for the fc has some interestings conections with the sheet


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

    Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
    Fate / White Memoria

  18. #7898
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    I also like how the character you choose for the fc has some interestings conections with the sheet
    FC isn't working on my end, though.

  19. #7899
    please talk to me about your OCs Saron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    FC isn't working on my end, though.
    Is the source link not working?
    My thirst for Antonio grows by the second.

    Man...

    I Make Servants, Some Of Which Are Tragedies

  20. #7900
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    Is the source link not working?
    The source link works but the actual image doesn't.

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