Create-A-Servant 2

[pinetree]

All this talk of Grand Sabers makes me want to ditch my Foreigner that's 90% done and start fresh on yet another sheet.
I can't seem to find a good translation of what a Foreigner's class skills do so that doesn't help.

Wait for mats I guess

[Bugs]

I believe the blanked out name is Cortes, like it's implied for Quetzalcoatl too.

[gyrowins]

Her reaction to Jaguar Man made me crack up. The cold, vicious, misanthropic war god...acting like a sweet daddy to Jaguar Man. And the last one is very interesting. I wonder who she could be talking to.

Jaguar Man is Tezcatlipoca's nagual... which basically means she's Tezcatlipoca's fursona...

As for the last one, it's likely the same person who Quetzalcoatl is talking to. I saw that as either Hernan Cortez or Cristobal Colon. Some Conquistador, regardless.

Also, could you send me the links to the Dietrich von Bern and John Dee sheets please?

Dietrich von Bern needs some more refinement, but when it comes out you'll see why he and Altera are grouped up in the same section (it's not hard to guess why, is it?). As for John Dee, I haven't made one. Dee just happened to own an Obsidian Mirror in life, so I just thought it'd be fun if the god of the obsidian mirror would offer some advice to a fan.

[Shiki-pon]

All this talk of Grand Sabers makes me want to ditch my Foreigner that's 90% done and start fresh on yet another sheet.
I can't seem to find a good translation of what a Foreigner's class skills do so that doesn't help.

That's because there isn't any translation. Since I'm making a Foreigner at the moment too, I just figured something fitting with the names and their effects in FGO. Existence Outside the Domain (which is the only Skill besides Divinity shared between the two Foreigners at the moment) probably has some kinda super Magic Resistance and maybe some offensive Luck-based thingy too (debuff resist + crit gem generation).

[Bugs]

That's because there isn't any translation. Since I'm making a Foreigner at the moment too, I just figured something fitting with the names and their effects in FGO. Existence Outside the Domain (which is the only Skill besides Divinity shared between the two Foreigners at the moment) probably has some kinda super Magic Resistance and maybe some offensive Luck-based thingy too (debuff resist + crit gem generation).

Hmmm, I can see that making sense. My sheet's also sat around for so long I'm tired of looking at it, so maybe by the time I go back to it there'll be legit definitions.

[Historia]

I'll trade ya a Takeru review if you review my Tezcatlipoca

This. I like this.

Review trading.

[Spartacus]

Wait for mats I guess

it will be the classic

Existence Outside of The Domain
An otherworldly being lurking outside the human realm. Critical hit and resistance are higher than other Servants.

and we will love it and blame Higashide.

[Shiki-pon]

FC Link
Alternate Classes: Saber, Archer, Rider, Berserker
True Name: Temujin
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Origin: Mongolia (13th century)
Armament: Sword, shield

Parameters:
STR: A+
END: C
AGI: B
MANA: B
LUCK: D
NP: A+

Skills

Class Skills:

Existence Outside the Domain - Rank EX: A Foreigner Class Skill, denoting one’s existence as one tied to an Outer God, a being that exists outside this universe and thus exempt from its influence. Existence Outside the Domain makes the Skill’s bearer literally otherworldly in nature. They are not fully affected by the laws of the World, and in some cases may even actively warp the world around them with their mere presence. Incoming attacks cause no harm and spells slide off harmlessly, just as the Servant’s own actions slip through physical and magical barriers as though they weren’t there. However, these qualities are not consciously activated, but rather exist due to the warping influence of one touched by an Outer God.

Divinity - Rank B: The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels, one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit, and the level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast raises. It can also decrease due to one's dislike for the gods. Those who have A Rank Divinity or above have reached the Throne of Gods. It also has an effect which reduces special defensive values called 'purge defense' in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.
As someone who has shared their existence with an Outer God, Foreigner possesses a high rank in Divinity. However, as with all Foreigners, rejection of the Outer God’s influence is a qualifier for manifesting in the class as their own person, and thus the rank is reduced somewhat.

Riding - Rank A+: Most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts.
As the one responsible for teaching horsemanship to his emperor, Saber naturally gains an above average skill in Riding. However, as one is from the Age of Man, Phantasmal Species cannot be ridden.
All vehicles and all creatures up to the level of Phantasmal Beast and Divine Beast can be used as mounts. However, that does not apply to members of the Dragon Kind.

Personal Skills:

Clairvoyance - Rank EX: A visual ability that is also called 'Eagle Eye'. Simply looking from a high location is sufficient to fully survey a town and search for enemies. In addition, Clairvoyance will affect the accuracy of bows. It connotes superior visual perception and dynamic occipital capture, such as to supplement the long-range aiming of projectile weapons. At higher ranks, it is possible that the bearers of this Skill have acquired abilities such as precognition ('future vision') and other forms of perception beyond standard eyesight (X-ray vision and so forth). It is a Skill furnished on the flesh.
Through the additional eyes upon his armor, Foreigner is capable of extraordinary perception. Viewing distant lands and even having glimpses into the future or alternate realities is possible.

Mental Pollution - Rank C+: A Skill where due to possessing a distorted mentality, it is possible for one to shut out any mental interference thaumaturgy. However, at the same time, it becomes impossible for one to come to a mutual understanding with individuals who do not possess an equivalent rank of Mental Pollution.
Though Foreigner has enough willpower to fully resist the insanity brought about by contact with an Outer God, a glimpse to the beyond offered by his patron has given him a shift in perspective. Provides a moderate probability that mental interference magecraft will be rendered ineffective.

Bundle of Sticks - Rank A+: A Skill based on one’s life experiences, named after the famous story of the strength of unity being demonstrated through a bundle of sticks being harder to break than a single one. Foreigner wishes nothing more for the entirety of humanity to prevail, and this is most best achieved by working together. In effect, the Skill is similar to Charisma in that it raises the ability of others when working together.
In Foreigner’s case, all those that work together in his vicinity will find the effectiveness of their actions greatly increased. Further, the larger the group of people working together is, the greater the advantage gained. Naturally, this boost can also be exploited by Foreigner’s enemies working together.

Noble Phantasms

The Universal Ruler

Chinggis Khan

Anti-Unit (Self)/Anti-Populace, Rank A

A Noble Phantasm born from the title taken up by Foreigner once he began his quest to unify the world. Only as a Foreigner does its power reach its peak, and he gains an ability that approaches a Divine Spirit’s Authority. Ordinarily, he could manipulate the World itself in any place that he could see, but thanks to his beliefs the effect is limited to affecting humanity. Naturally, Chinggis Khan’s effect suffers greatly from the degradation of Mystery in modern times, and though Foreigner can ignore some of this due to the unnatural source of his powers, he simply limits the Noble Phantasm’s usage to himself and his immediate vicinity so as to conserve and concentrate its power. The Authority he gains is further reduced by the constraints of his Servant container.
By using Chinggis Khan, Foreigner can greatly increase his parameters or even conjure creatures and weapons to do his bidding. For the most part, he uses it to conjure a mount and to create his weapons. He prefers not to rely on it to increase his parameters, but will do so if cornered.

Glimpse of the Nuclear Chaos

Aiueb Ginshal

Anti-Unit, Rank EX

Using the power of his patron, Foreigner manifests a simulacrum of the Outer God Aiueb Ginshal. Above Foreigner, a formless, black void opens, and from within it, seven eyes will stare out. Anyone looking into these eyes will see the same vision that Foreigner himself saw in his youth, namely that of a glimpse into the court of the greatest of the Outer Gods. The weak will be driven irrevocably insane by such a sight, whereas the strong will find themselves steeled against this alien menace. Those who withstand the vision will find themselves agreeing with Foreigner’s motives and wishing to join his side. In other words, even those who retain their sanity will be targeted by a strong mental interference effect.
Naturally, as Foreigner is someone rebelling against the Outer Gods, this vision is not granted by his patron, but rather is a recreation of the vision that Foreigner himself witnessed. As such, it is colored by his own perceptions, especially the fierce determination to defend Humanity from the Outer Gods that awakened in Foreigner himself.

Description

Likes: Humanity, unity
Dislikes: Threats to humanity, weakness
Talents: Willpower, conquest
Natural Enemy: The Outer Gods

Foreigner’s true identity is Temujin, also known as Genghis Khan.

As all Foreigners, Temujin is clearly otherworldly, radiating unease with his mere presence. Unlike others of his class, he no longer even tries to cling to humanity, having embraced the power he gained from his brief encounter as a weapon to wield against the Outer Gods.
Temujin has a deep love for humanity as a whole, although this affection does not extend to those he considers weak. Those unable to face their problems are nuisances at best, and a liability to be removed at worst. For the most part, Temujin will not even acknowledge the existence of those who show weakness. The strong, however, he is quite interested in, and will observe them and see how they measure up against the troubles they face. Should someone impress him enough, he will present himself as a challenge to be overcome. Temujin’s natural instinct is to always seek to test and challenge others, even with his words.
Though harsh and inscrutable, Temujin does not give the impression of a brutal warlord. Rather, he seems to act as a keen outside observer to the goings-on of the world. He will only rarely speak, and even then he will mostly bark questions or demands. On the few occasions that he is given to actual conversation, Temujin will prove quite interested in others, especially their inner thoughts and feelings.
Fitting his warped perspective, Temujin has little actual interest in a Holy Grail War. The casual interest he possesses is merely in the Holy Grail itself, as well as the wish it grants. Nevertheless, he sees Heroic Spirits, those who have risen above the rest of humanity through their deeds, as ones worthy of his attention. In a regular Holy Grail War, he would pit himself against the other Servants, seemingly without rhyme or reason, in order to test their mettle. The fact that the Holy Grail’s wish-granting requires the deaths of the Servants would prove to be a source of frustration for Temujin, given that he would very much like to spare all those who impress him.
If tied to a Master, Temujin will chafe at restrictions placed upon him. As he is a ruler, the mantle of Servant is unfitting to him. As with most other facets of life, the only interest Temujin will have in most Masters is whether they are strong or weak. It is possible that he could voluntarily serve someone who impresses him enough, but a weak Master would be viewed by him as a liability to be disposed of at the first opportunity.
Temujin’s wish to the Holy Grail would be to strengthen humanity. The only method he knew in life would be to forge a unified human race on the altar of conquest, but the change of perspective from becoming a Heroic Spirit would most likely alter his views.

Lore

Temujin was the founder of the Mongolian Empire.
In his youth, he was reduced to poverty, having to eke out a living in the savage plains of Mongolia. His experiences spurred him to end the suffering and ensure that what happened to him and his family would never happen to another. He found patrons and allies for himself, but faced misfortune many times, having to regroup and try again in times when he either fell out of favour or his work was undone by a rival. His activities during the periods following his initial failures are mostly unknown. It is during one of these times that he became aware of a temple in Bhutan, one that reputedly housed a dark entity, one that would grant power to those who needed it.
In this incarnation, Temujin resolved to go to the temple, and successfully made contact with the Outer God Aiueb Ginshal, seeking its favor. As he was the first supplicant of the temple in ages, he was blessed with a vision. Temujin saw a glimpse of what sits at the center of the Outer Gods’ home, the court of the greatest of their kind. Rather than being driven mad by the vision, Temujin resisted. He saw the Outer Gods as a threat to humanity, and took up the task of preparing the human race to resist a possible incursion. Though irrevocably changed by his experience, Temujin nevertheless embarked on his quest to conquer and strengthen the world.
From that point on, Temujin started to advance in Mongol society, eventually rising to become sole ruler of the plains. With the powers his erstwhile patron had granted him, he could now see the entirety of the world if he so wished. He knew that what he had already done was not nearly enough. Thus he embarked on his conquest, forging one of the greatest empires the world has ever seen. During his conquest, he saw to it that the weak were culled and the strong rewarded.
Eventually, he realized he would soon reach the end of his life. Having done his best to prepare his children just as he intended to prepare the rest of the world, Temujin split his empire between them. His dream of a world unified against outside threats never came to pass, as his empire eventually fell into disarray and dissolved.

Notes

Hint: click on the card to reveal the faceclaim.
Character-wise Temujin turned out a little boring, but I guess that’s to be expected. I wanted to present the Foreigner version as something inhuman in mindset. I suppose that this Temujin might be a parallel world/Lostbelt version. I also decided to forgo the usual wikipedia dump in the Lore section, given that everyone knows who Genghis Khan is.
I’m not sure I like how his NPs turned out, but I guess that that’s a worry I share with most of my sheets. There’s always room for improvement after all.
As a side note, I also don't like the name of his third Skill, but couldn't think of anything better either.

Also does anyone happen to have a bigger version of the Foreigner card back? Would look better that way. Never mind, looks good as is.

[Spartacus]

My disagreement with leaving lore becuase 'famous' aside, a little review for shiki-pon's Foreigner:

NP

Naturally, Chinggis Khan’s effect suffers greatly from the degradation of Mystery in modern time

An NP is crystalized legend, so degradation of Mystery shouldn't affect an NP of a Servant unless this is the case of surviving NPs in the modern world (Fraga and Rhon). In Rhon case, it clears that whatever happens with the real life NP that Gray has didn't affect it when materialized as LArtoria/Alter/Simba's NP. Because if so, Medea shouldn't be able to fire off AoG Magecrafts in modern time or any other Servant using their NPs in any Grail War.

[gyrowins]

This. I like this.

Review trading.

Everyone, please back my cryptocurrency, CaScoin. One CaScoin has the purchasing power of one review of a CaS servant submission, or 1/144th the going price of a Big Wac from your local WcDonald's

[RoydGolden]

An NP is crystalized legend, so degradation of Mystery shouldn't affect an NP of a Servant unless this is the case of surviving NPs in the modern world (Fraga and Rhon). In Rhon case, it clears that whatever happens with the real life NP that Gray has didn't affect it when materialized as LArtoria/Alter/Simba's NP. Because if so, Medea shouldn't be able to fire off AoG Magecrafts in modern time or any other Servant using their NPs in any Grail War.

The impression I got was that as his NP manipulates the world, it's weaker because the World itself has less mystery now than in ancient times.

[Shiki-pon]

The impression I got was that as his NP manipulates the world, it's weaker because the World itself has less mystery now than in ancient times.

More or less this. Also, if I recall correctly, Goddess of War also had something to the effect of being weakened by the lack of Mystery in the modern world. Since that's technically something coming from a god and so is Temujin's thingy... I made the assumption that there would be a similar weakening.
And if it bothers you, I can add the Lore, though it won't be all that much different from a wikidump of Ghenghis Khan.

[Spartacus]

The impression I got was that as his NP manipulates the world, it's weaker because the World itself has less mystery now than in ancient times.

And what I'm saying is it shouldn't work that way. If something that still exists weakened as an NP (Rhon), something that no longer exists will be ultra weakened or even unusable as an NP (metric ton of other NPs), and as far as we have seen, that's not the case. The reason why AoG Magecraft is no longer usable is because modern world has less Mystery, it follows the same logic with the reason why Chinggis is weakened. Using that logic, Medea's AoG Magecraft should be weakened too, which is not.

And if it bothers you, I can add the Lore, though it won't be all that much different from a wikidump of Ghenghis Khan.

No, wikidump is bad.

Goddess of War also had something to the effect of being weakened by the lack of Mystery in the modern world. Since that's technically something coming from a god and so is Temujin's thingy... I made the assumption that there would be a similar weakening.

fucking inconsistencies. Indian and Japanese Servant get all the cool shit without power limiter BS while Greek and Norse get shitted again and again.

[Shiki-pon]

Fucking inconsistencies. Indian and Japanese Servant get all the cool shit without power limiter BS while Greek and Norse get shitted again and again.

Well, you did just say that Medea's abilities are more or less unaltered by the level of Mystery. I would assume that Goddess of War is affected since it relies on a Divine Spirit's Authority, which relies on Mystery, which no longer exists in high enough concentrations. Divine Constructs are probably not affected, given that the requisite Mystery is built into the object itself (I would assume).
As a side note, Indian Servants are probably nerfed to the ground compared to their depictions in legend. Then again, that probably has more to do with getting squeezed into a Servant container than anything else.

[Spartacus]

I know it is nerfed compared to the real life myth, but they has no saying if they were nerfed on how the event happened in TM lore goes.

[Shiki-pon]

Added a little more fleshed out Lore section to Temujin.

[Uralmash]

Oh, nice one Shiki-pon. You got the Foreigner sheet for him out. Seems cool all round, though I have this thing about being irked by NPs that literally are just named after the person themselves or the title, but that's a personal thing. In effect... it's actually very similar to the Lostbeltian capability I gave mine, in terms of "Authority of Divine Spirits".

Reminds me of how my incarnation has been in developmental hell... I was working on the design with an artist, but we've both been too busy. Maybe I should just post the sheet without it, though I'm having great trouble making one of his NPs more interesting than "big explosion, yay".

[Shiki-pon]

Oh, nice one Shiki-pon. You got the Foreigner sheet for him out. Seems cool all round, though I have this thing about being irked by NPs that literally are just named after the person themselves or the title, but that's a personal thing. In effect... it's actually very similar to the Lostbeltian capability I gave mine, in terms of "Authority of Divine Spirits".

Reminds me of how my incarnation has been in developmental hell... I was working on the design with an artist, but we've both been too busy. Maybe I should just post the sheet without it, though I'm having great trouble making one of his NPs more interesting than "big explosion, yay".

Well, I decided on the NP name once I checked that Chinggis Khan literally stands for 'Universal Ruler', so laziness prevails I guess? It stayed that way in part due to the fact that I held onto the idea that this Khan always considered himself Temujin, so the more famous name is indeed just a title for him - might as well grant him some power as a Servant. Still lazy though.

As for your sheet, what are you basing the troublesome NP on? It shouldn't be too hard not to make it explodey, but I guess knowing more would help with giving advice.

[Uralmash]

Well, I decided on the NP name once I checked that Chinggis Khan literally stands for 'Universal Ruler', so laziness prevails I guess? It stayed that way in part due to the fact that I held onto the idea that this Khan always considered himself Temujin, so the more famous name is indeed just a title for him - might as well grant him some power as a Servant. Still lazy though.

As for your sheet, what are you basing the troublesome NP on? It shouldn't be too hard not to make it explodey, but I guess knowing more would help with giving advice.

It's not much based on anything, it's more like one of those... well, look at Ivan's NP in FGO. It's more an NP as the result of the existence he's merged with. Basically, by using the authority of the Mountain God that joined with him, he can reshape the earth in ways that "reverts it to nature's origins" by making lava/magma spew from the earth and causing the land to split and quake from his voice. Really, that's just a colorful way of saying "boom natural disaster explosions everywhere". I'm just wondering if I should make it less destructive, or even give it more capabilities that draw away from just explodeyness.

Though I guess in a way, it's been loosely inspired by the Great Taboo, a land he marked out as his favorite viewing spot because it embodied nature's beauty in its purest form. Hence, reverting land to before humanity has touched it seemed appropriate.

[Shiki-pon]

If you're working on the basis of the Great Taboo, you might also consider making the NP something that turns the area into 'his' private viewing spot, as well as returning the place to a time before humanity (or the Age of Man).
Perhaps something similar to Avalon (the place), which is noted to have such high concentrations of magical energy that it's inhospitable to most things?
Maybe with a slap of damage to Servants on top for trespassing on the Khan's territory, too.
There might also be some merit to the idea of using the peace-bonding thingy, since as I recall they weren't allowed to carry weapons in their holy places -> no weapons allowed in the Khan's holy picnic place.

Something besides lots of explosions might also sell the idea that there was more to the Khan than bloodshed. Your call in the end, of course, but at least I scrounged up some suggestions.