yeah, i think it would be better if the Proteus NP is not the actual Proteus but some sort of ability based on the encounter to "grasp the essence of a dynamic thing" or something like that.
- - - Updated - - -
cool sheet otherwise though
yeah, i think it would be better if the Proteus NP is not the actual Proteus but some sort of ability based on the encounter to "grasp the essence of a dynamic thing" or something like that.
- - - Updated - - -
cool sheet otherwise though
He did it with DeterminationTM. Besides if with all those sweet moves Achilles doesn't get a skill, well...Originally Posted by RoydGolden
Not sure I'd be able to pull that off properly, and not sure where I'd put Menelaus in w/o a mount.yeah, i think it would be better if the Proteus NP is not the actual Proteus but some sort of ability based on the encounter to "grasp the essence of a dynamic thing" or something like that.
Note to all those curious, I have edited this sheet, in response to comments I have received about it.
Class: Caster Alternate
Classes: All
True Name: Nursery Rhyme (Alter)
Alignment: Variable, Chaotic Neutral at best
Armaments: Anything, a Book most often
Appearance: Mostly the same as ordinary Nursery Rhyme, but more disheveled, and doll like. The dress is torn, and there are visible cracks along her skin, along with a creepy, emotionless, look on her face.
Bio: One of many manifestations of "Stories" Nursery Rhyme is a unique existence created by the love, purity, and innocence of children, or at least, that is what she was originally. Through an unknown process, Nursery Rhyme has been altered, gone is the innocence and purity of childhood that once comprised her being, replaced by broken dreams, and a destroyed psyche.
Parameters
- Strength: E
- Endurance: D
- Agility: D
- Mana: A++
- Luck: C
- NP: B++
Class Skills:
- Territory Creation B+: Being a lesser manifestation of stories, it is quite easy for Caster to create worlds, though she is severely diminished by many factors. There is firstly the fact that Caster is only a small part of stories, and then there is also the fact that the process that Altered her also made her incapable of felling whatever she creates with anything positive, further decreasing her capacity to create territories.
Personal Skills:
- Self-Modification A+: As a result of being a lesser form of "Stories" Caster has the ability to alter the functions and abilities of her body. This ability has been further increased as a result of her Altering, that has allowed her to conceive darker modifications.
- Shapeshift A++: Caster has the unique ability to alter her appearance in enumerable ways, and her Altering has giving her the ability to take the appearance of darker, more frighting things.
- Meanwhile A: A skill allowing Caster to easily enter and exit battle, she has gained this as a result of her nature as a story.
- Broken Innocence EX: As a result of her Altering, Caster has become the very embodiment of broken and destroyed innocence. This skill gives Caster the ability it to inflect great mental damage to her opponent.
Noble Phantasms:
- The Queens Mad Trial: Perpetual Engine of Maiden's Hell A
A unique Anti-World Noble Phantasm, that alters the flow of fate, insuring that those Caster perceives as enemies, meet their end. Ordinarily it acts to passively decrease and opponents luck, and make injury more likely, but when desired, Caster can use more mana to extend her reality marble, and bring the opponent into a rose garden featuring a guillotine. In this world the effect of Queens Mad Trial is further amplified, and Caster gains the ability to attack using rose thorns, and the guillotine. High Luck B rank and higher can reset it, but this NP can still harm them, in addition a servant with high Endurance or skills/NP that give them survivability may also be capable of surviving.
- Ring A Ring O Roses: We All Fall Down B++
One of many Noble Phantasms in which Caster tap into the dark origins of varies nursery rhymes. In this case this one allows Caster to infect another with a disease similar to the bubonic plague, though also has the unique effect of ensuring that the afflicted end up with flowers in their pockets (if they have them). To activate it Caster expands her reality marble and creates some creepy children whom hold hands, forming a ring around Caster. The children continually sing the Ring a Ring O Roses song, and as they do so, a tree filled with continually falling flowers grows. Unlike an ordinary tree, Caster has complete control of its form, allowing her to send out the branches to attack, or trap her opponents. The target is afflicted with the disease when one of the flowers falls on them, and it will advance faster if they are hit by multiple flowers.
- Nursery Rhyme: A Story of Lost Innocence B+
A reality marble containing Casters true form, and acts as it method of interaction with others. The form this Reality Marble takes is somewhat based on the Masters Psyche though unknown reasons have ensured that certain aspects of its appearance are generally the same. Not only her body, but all of Casters power comes from this NP. She is able to Combine the power of her other Noble Phantasms with this one, allowing her to bring others into a world based on the power of another of her NP's, or bring one of her other NP's into the real world, and better control it.
Interactions with other servants
Other servants I've done, Mary Seacole, Artoria Pendragon Shilder, Artoria Pendragon Caster, Gilgamesh Brawler, Louis Cyr, Fairy Tale, and Black Death
Last edited by DracoFay; November 25th, 2018 at 03:01 PM.
Nursery Rhyme (Alter): I'm assuming that her class being CasterAlternate is a mistake, unless there's a mystery class I'm not aware of. The lack of difference in Skills (and Broken Innocence being slightly uninteresting - the concept is cool but the execution is lacking) and lack of a personality section makes this just seem like "Nursery Rhyme, except edgier". Granted, most Alters are edgelord versions of the originals, but they usually have something setting them apart from the original besides the color of their clothes.
I'm also wondering about the workings of The Queen's Mad Trial. Does it just passively make people more likely to injure themselves/die out of the blue (probability manipulation) or does it have some sort of visual effect. Seems a little boring.
As for Ring A Ring O Roses, I feel the need to point out that the bubonic plague connection isn't really much more than an urban legend (at least according to folklorists, who one might assume are more qualified on the subject than the type of person coming up with an urban legend). It also seems a little on the weak side (not that that's bad), given that it seems one can avoid it by just running away once the tree appears (or the first symptoms). I guess it comboes with The Queen's Mad Trial?
I also don't see why the Nursery Rhyme NP would turn into such a letdown, given its effects in canon.
All in all, the sheet seems more than a little on the lazy side. Not much to separate it from the OG Nursery Rhyme besides the NPs.
Last edited by Shiki-pon; November 25th, 2018 at 02:05 PM.
Given Queen's Mad Trial obviously evokes the Queen Of Hearts from Alice In Wonderland, some imagery to do with rose thorns and/or guillotine blades might be fitting. Could help spice it up a little, in any case. To make the second NP harder to avoid, maybe the children would circle around the opponent rather than Caster herself, forming some kind of barrier that makes it harder for them to escape.
Other than that I agree with Shiki here. Nursery Rhyme was honestly a fairly edgy and creepy character in the original game, so I don't really see the need for an Alter version of her.
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Nursery Rhyme (Alter) is similar to Artoria Alter, which is yes, an edgier version of the original, with the same class. If you have to change the class, than consider her a Caster Avenger, similar to how Archer Hercules is an Archer Avenger. The main difference is that where ordinary Nursery Rhyme is supposed to be innocent, where as Nursery Rhyme Alter is supposed to be Sadistic. I'll say now, when I was researching the original Nursery Rhyme for Alter, I focused on Parameters and Skills, and completely ignored personality and history. Now that I know it, I can say there is still a difference in that the original attacked to protect her master, where as Alter attacks to cause pain, many times enjoying it.
The skills were Shapeshift and Self-Modification are cannon, so I just used the description to outline the reason for their rank. Meanwhile is as well, but its exclusive to FGO Nursery Rhyme, and only has a poem to descripe it, so I just made up what it does. As for Broken Innocence, its a mental torture skill, if you need context, just think of it as similar to William Shakespeare's NP, but more powerful. Not good for fighting, but great for mentally incapacitating your enemy.
The Queen's Mad Trial was inspired by the Queens Glass Game, hence the similar names, and the basic Idea is that it alters fate itself to insure the opponent dies. Doesn't give much, and that's honestly as far as the thought process went, however reading your comment (Skiki-pon) gave me an idea. Instead of it being a passive skill or something Nursery Rhyme (Alter) Needs to activate, its a little of both. It passively lowers the luck, and increases the chance of injury of anyone whom Nursery Rhyme (Alter) perceives as an enemy, but when she wants, she can use more mana to increase the effect.
When it comes to Ring A Ring O Roses, keep in mind this is fate, Urban Legend or not, a lot of people believe it, so it still works. One thing I didn't mention, probably didn't think to, is that the branches can chase the enemy, cause it is made with a reality marble, and can there for act differently to real life, to a certain extent. At least, that's how it worked in my head, I guess I should add that in.
As for the Nursery Rhyme NP, when it comes to the description, I just got lazy, figured I'd let other people fill in the blanks, but in regards to its strength. I based Nursery Rhyme (Alter) more on her originals appearance in Fate Grand Order, rather than her original debut in Fate/Extra. When you take that into consideration the Nursery Rhyme NP is actually more powerful than the Grand Order version of Nursery Rhyme
Taking into account my opinions on your other sheets (especially the Norse Mythology ones), can't you guess?
To start us off, Loki (at least the Loki of Norse mythology - I don't know about your version and the less I find out, the better) doesn't really qualify for any of the classes you've decided to put him into, besides maybe Assassin. And given that his one Assassin-y thing was still something he manipulated someone else into doing, the justification is a bit on the thin side. It's also sort of ridiculous that the one class you haven't had him qualify for, Archer, is actually fairly fitting (at least for your version), given Loki's independent streak and the fact that the mistletoe you've shoved everywhere was originally a dart (also known as a ranged weapon). He would maybe qualify for Rider, Caster and Avenger, with Archer and Assassin being loose fits.
As for the parameters of each of the sheets, they're all equally terrible in their own special ways. The random pluses (multiples in most cases) only make it worse.
Loki never was one for strength so the fact that he's got above average or superb Strength in every incarnation is ridiculous - his status as an Aesir and a giant are the only thing that should really save him from having a below average rank there.
As for Endurance, at least the Berserker version's rank is justified. The others might just deserve their pluses because they're the same guy and thus probably shared the same fate.
Agility is about right, but why in the world would his Berserker version be the fastest (given that he's been tortured and bound - most likely crippled into the bargain) and his Assassin version the slowest (given that speed appears to be the Assassins' hat).
Having his Mana drop all of a sudden as a Berserker is nonsensical given that Loki is fairly magical in everything he does, and given that he's been tortured and crippled one would assume that he would be more defined by his non-physical attributes, not less.
Luck-wise, it's Loki. His luck should either be average or terrible given that he almost always suffers comeuppance for the stuff he pulls. Having his Luck be the highest as a Lancer is borderline heresy, bad luck being almost a defining feature of the Lancer class.
As for the Skills... Overall, he somehow has a different set of magic in each incarnation despite being the same person and only has his Silver Tongue at B+ at the highest. Wasn't being silver-tongued his primary means of offense/defense (outside of Ragnarok, anyway - there it appears that he fought). It ought to be noted that, once again, Loki's most magical ability was shapeshifting - which none of your versions has. So good job there. There's also the matter of his Divinity, though all I have to say on the subject is that Loki was a only a god through his association with the Aesir and Odin. That doesn't translate to a high Divinity in my mind, especially with all that he did.
Berserker specific: Why would he have 'Child of the Giants' as a Skill? The Jötunn don't really have ice powers anyway (not to mention the array of other powers), and having a Jötunn like Loki have a Skill with a name like that is like having any Servant of human origin have 'Child of Men'. Just call him a Jötunn straight off, that's what he is. Loki also appears to have randomly gained Instinct, which is an innate ability (and thus might be shared in some way with his other manifestations). A 6th sense also wouldn't help him with magic, no matter how you stretch it.
Assassin specific: Skill-wise, there is no reason whatsoever to not have this one as a Caster. All he's got to make him Assassin-y is Presence Concealment, and that could be covered with Illusionism (which he shouldn't have, but it seems that's an unfortunate trend). He never really improved anything either outside of your fanfic version of Loki's legend. All he's got going for him Item Construction -wise is the stuff he got from the dwarves.
To save what little remains of my sanity after reading those sheets, I'll go over the NPs quickly. Props for actually sticking to a single language this time, though.
Skadia Eitr: Not deserving of an EX rank, doesn't affect him outside of activation despite being inside his body and has acid properties despite being poison. It's also weird that Loki apparently has some random regeneration thrown in.
Fjotur barnoeska - Narfi Nari: Why would fetters used to bind Loki be found in his own belly? Why isn't he bound by them, seeing as they were bindings made specifically for the purpose of binding him? Some detrimental effect might be nice.
Mistilteinn Atganga: Random explosion effect notwithstanding, the mistletoe is a plant, not a mushroom. No spores.
Mistilteinn Kunnandi: Besides the mistletoe randomly becoming a spear that Loki instead of Hoder uses, I can't help but notice that the NP seems more Assassinlike than the Assassin version's NP. Also random ability absorption because why the hell not.
Hringhorni Veizla: Why does he have this thing as a Lancer? A boat seems more Rider-y to me. And given that the boat seems to be Baldr's funeral boat, why does Loki have it in the first place. Is this a case of Loki getting all the stuff of the people he's killed? This also shouldn't be EX-ranked.
As for his relations with other characters, the Norse mythology has gods other than Odin and Thor. For example, there's Heimdall, who is essentially Loki's nemesis yet is conspicuously absent from all entries to your fanfic version of Norse mythology.
- I don't want to change the Class, I was just questioning the fact that she's "Caster Alternate" instead of just "Caster".
- Skill-wise fair enough, though different Skills could've been used to highlight her difference to the original Nursery Rhyme. I also don't feel that the Skill of an offshoot of a Caster should be more powerful than, you know, the Noble Phantasm of another Caster. NPs are supposed to be stronger in more cases, and we've got a single canon example of a Skill reaching the level of a Noble Phantasm. There's nothing in the way of explaining what kind of mental torture is taking place, either (not that gruesome details are necessary, but you know - something).
- The Queen's Mad Trial still sounds a little boring, but it's your sheet.
- I actually missed the Reality Marble bit with Ring A Ring O Roses. Seems fine.
- Basing stuff on FGO versions when there's a proper version around seems a little lazy.
Sorry that the reply is a little on the curt side, I burnt my fuse having to read the abominations critiqued earlier in this post.
Last edited by Shiki-pon; November 25th, 2018 at 04:18 PM.
Hmm okay that is a harsh critic but first i atest that Loki is a Mastermind type who has a biger quiver as he Show second does he atleast for me is one wh Plays with his own rules and this thought is also the roothing for that he has Hringhorni and also just because something isnt explicit stated doesnt mean it is impossible or unlickely ist just that the note and doccumental soures are not not complete and that allows own interpretations and also some Canon charackters created after this premises.
About Mistiltein it is the same as with Vasavi shakti which was also in the Epos a a sort of Ranged weapon and it was addapted as spear so with Lokis case,his Luck as Lancer represent his succesfull assassination of balder .and his Lancer aswell as Assassin form represent This aspect of him.
I just allow myself to complete the sources with my Imagination.
----
Anyway here is my fourth part of my Loki series which could be called somehow his "lily" Version.
Loki/Logi
(Saber/Alter Ego)
Height: 186 cm
Weight: 89~ kg
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Attribute: Earth
Origin: North Europe
Weapon: Daggers
Other qualifying classes: Rider, Lancer,Berserker,Caster,Assassin,Avenger,Beast of Betrayal
Likes: Attention,pranks and praise.himself.His "Buddies"
Dislikes: Being ignored,His "Buddies",his older selv
Talents: To solve occurances and problems with cunningness
Natural enemy: ???
Parameters
Background and Personality
Skills
Noble Phantasm
Relations
every Feedback or oppinionar welcome
Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; January 15th, 2019 at 12:47 PM.
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Y'know, you could have just kept Loki Laevetein rather than create a different version of it altogether. Similarly, you could also have kept Shapeshifting even though this reflects the slightly more heroic pre-betrayal Loki. The tale of The Kidnapping of Idun, during which he turned into a flacon in order to get Idun safely away from the giant Thiazi, did occur before his betrayal. Granted, he did kidnap and then save Idun because his own life was being threatened, but he did play a role that could somewhat be considered heroic (while rescuing Idun, he did cause Thiazi to fly into the fiery perimeter the gods set up around their fortress) during that incident. He also did help Thor get Mjolnir back after a giant stole it.
That said, he still wasn't very heroic and resolved the problems he was involved in through trickery.
Also, I'm begging you, Koga, please let me post the Rider Loki sheet. I've already made one of my own and it is mostly complete. At the very least, we could trade notes.
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okay i agree i let you post Rider Loki,Lambda ,please look at your private Messages i have send you one.
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Servant Berserker:
Appearance:
A tall and gaunt young woman clad in tattered noble clothes. Her once lustrous long dark hair now falls across her back in disheveled tangles. Her beautiful face is worn with permament deep grooves along her cheeks from endless crying. She goes barefoot, and her finger and toenails have grown out to resemble bestial claws.
True Name: Hecuba "Last Queen of Troy"
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Alternate Classes: Assassin, Avenger
Armament: Twin jagged daggers named after her murdered children Polyxena and Polydorus.
Strength- D+
Agility- C
Endurance- C+
Mana- D
Luck- E-
NP- D
Personality
Class Skills:
Mad Enhancement- C
A Skill that characterizes the Berserker Class, raising parameters at the cost of sanity. At this rank all parameters save Luck and Mana are ranked up, but in exchange one can no longer think and speak properly.
If Berserker encounters a Servant allied with Troy, there is a small chance her madness can abate with a successful Luck check. If the Servant reminds her of one of her beloved children, the check occurs with a + modifier. However, since this restraint is just a condition of standby, it's not like perfect communication becomes possible.
Conversely, if Berserker were to encounter a Greek Heroic Spirit, her madness would spike and she'd rampage uncontrollably until they were killed.
Personal Skills:
Animalistic Logic (False)- B
A combative way of thinking resulting from transforming into a beast. It's not useful for finding weak points, but the speed of thinking focusing on killing the enemy swiftly increases. While Berserker did not literally transform into an animal, her mentality has (from sorrow) regressed to the level of a wild beast.
Berserker's default combat stance has her crouched down on all fours like a dog, with one dagger clenched between her teeth and the other wielded in her hand. In battle her fighting style is extremely brutal and unpredictable, often discarding weaponry to use every part of her body to kill the opponent. Clawing, biting, tearing, you name it.
Glory Of The Past- A
The memories of blissful days that Berserker spent alongside her beloved children before the fall of Troy. These memories don't soften her madness, but actually accelerate it, as if the vision of past happiness was only salt on the wounds of her rage. Berserker gains a + modifier to resisting mental interference, and her Strength parameter is temporarily raised while fighting unarmed.
However, Berserker herself suffers damage every time she uses this Skill. The rampaging madness makes her spiritual core highly unstable.
Hollow Lamentation- C
Berserker can channel her rage and sorrow into an immense scream, akin to a dog's howl. Anyone who hears her cry is momentarily robbed of their ability to think and react, their minds crushed by the immensity of Berserker's mad grief. Especially weak-willed individuals may even temporarily forget how to breath.
This effect can be lessened if the target expects the howl and prepares for it beforehand, or has mental resistance abilities ranked C and higher.
Noble Phantasms
-------------------------------------------------------------------
So I decided to write up a Hecuba sheet to compliment my Polydorus one a few pages back. She basically ended up like a combo of Fran and Atalante (with maybe a bit of Caligula mixed in). I couldn't find any FC that fit my image of her character, but if anybody has one they're welcome to suggest it. As always, feel free to drop by with comments and criticisms. Thanks!
Last edited by RoydGolden; December 9th, 2018 at 12:44 AM.
Hecuba: As her Animalistic Logic is false, I would assume that the part of her legend where she was turned into a dog to escape from slavery didn't occur quite in that way. In that sense, the lack of a background section hurts the sheet a little. I just find it a little odd that she has the animal part down in some sense (or at least in the form of a Skill) despite it being stated that things didn't occur as in legend. Stating the difference might be better than leaving it obscure (although that's just me nitpicking). Luck E- might also be overdoing it.
Other than those things, good sheet. Troias Gynakes is an interesting NP, especially for a Berserker. One wonders if the hands would show a stronger effect against particular opponents, such as those who sacked Troy as well as those who resemble those people.
Cool and edgy, but somehow I feel the NP department lacking. Granted, Berserkers can have their NPs weakened or even lost due to ME, but I feel that at least the first one could be a bit stronger.
About the FC, I think I've found something, but I don't know if it'll be really fitting or not
The transforming into a dog thing struck me as a little too weird to include, honestly. Just didn't really fit with how the rest of her legend was relatively grounded in reality. Luck E- is because not only did she lose her homeland and all her children, in Euripedes' play based on her she's also cursed by Polymestor to drown later on. Things just did not go well for the poor lady.
I considered making the first NP stronger against people she hates, but I wasn't quite sure how to cash that out. I guess the hands' grip would be stronger or they'd appear in greater numbers?
- - - Updated - - -
Her NPs are kind of lacklustre, yeah. But given Hecuba's relatively grounded legend, I didn't feel it was appropriate to give her any really flashy or powerful NPs.
What's the FC you have in mind?
Nevermind about the FC. I've just noticed that the girl in the pic has been beheaded (it was a face close-up)
A interesting Berserker ,also because ist the Mother of your last Lancer.
what would be their reaction if they are fated to meet each other in a grailwar ?
And what would be her personality as Assassin or Avenger and heir particular Noblephantasm ?
Also would it be interesting to see she and penthisilea, would they be friend (when both as Berserker),and how is her relationship towards Hector?
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Meeting Polydorus would probably snap Hecuba out of her rage, and they'd spend time acting as lovey-dovey mother and son together. Though Polydorus would likely still be disturbed at how ruthless his mother has become...
As Assassin Hecuba's rage would be much more of the cold and controlled type, rather than the uncontrollable fury of a Berserker. Her NPs would stay the same, but her Skillset would change to Planning (C), Suppression (B) and Mental Pollution (C). Avenger Hecuba's personality and Skills would probably be a mix of her Berserker and Assassin selves, and she'd have a new NP that lets her transform into a true.Erinyesavatar of vengeance
Hey, so Koga and I have been talking about Rider Loki, and Koga got the idea of giving Loki the ability to create teleportation gates using runes, but I'm pretty sure that stuff is limited strictly to the Second Magic and it would be a bad idea to include it because it's pretty wanked. Could I get a second opinion on this?
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Best alternative is Loki's tricky illusions blurs his form and movement to the point it looks like he's teleporting.
The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
Coffee would be nice, though.
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