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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #5881
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    So I checked a couple versions of Hercules 12 Labors myth were Hercules has his fight the hydra, in those variations The cousins the one who actually burned the stump of each hydra head, that could be an interesting NP. Like a fire that if someone is hit with it, the wound can't heal, that would be awesome.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, once I've actually for Finished Hephaestus, as the idea for use ing the hydra or Nemian lion as servant already been taken?

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    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    So I checked a couple versions of Hercules 12 Labors myth were Hercules has his fight the hydra, in those variations The cousins the one who actually burned the stump of each hydra head, that could be an interesting NP. Like a fire that if someone is hit with it, the wound can't heal, that would be awesome.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, once I've actually for Finished Hephaestus, as the idea for use ing the hydra or Nemian lion as servant already been taken?
    Already come up with an NP based on his role in the Hydra battle, actually. Kind of similar to what you suggested in fact (only with Herc's Nine Lives mixed in). Thanks anyway, though!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by JetKinen View Post
    something something Citius, Altius, Fortius something something first olympic winner something something gold medal something something conceptually faster while engaging on fairplay something something changing speed depending on conceptual laps something something.
    This is interesting though. I'll definitely try and look deeper into it sometime. If worse comes to worse I can always leave out the chariot NP altogether, since there's already precedent for Riders lacking a mount-related NP...

  3. #5883
    鬼 Ogre-like You's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    ...Never thought the reasoning was this... lacking.
    Baal took 3000 years to get it to work.
    I'm sure we'd all get bored if he started writing on a blackboard and fully explained it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    IIRC SF implies that Iolaus was a girl, so you might want to bear that in mind.
    Go Mats
    more like flat out said it but could be a typo
    Though abandoned, forgotten, and scorned as out-of-date dolls, they continue to carry out their mission, unchanged from the time they were designed.
    Machines do not lose their worth when a newer model appears.
    Their worth (life) ends when humans can no longer bear that purity.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ticeexcenny
    In my opinion you are not right. I am assured. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will talk.

  4. #5884
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    So, still working on hepestus don't worry about that, I will fix his sheet up. But ince im done with that has anyone already done a berserker version of Jeine de ark?

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    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    "Servant Saber at your service. Were you expecting a spritely young lad? Sorry to disappoint, but this old man will serve as your blade to the best of his ability,
    Hero
    Master
    ."

    Servant Saber:


    Appearance:


    True Name: Iolaus 'Companion To The Great Hero'

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Alternate Class: Rider

    Strength- D
    Agility- C
    Endurance- D
    Mana- D
    Luck- C
    NP- A

    Equipment: A simple bronze longsword, seeming to glow with a faint golden light in tandem with his second Noble Phantasm.

    Personality: Summoned in this Class, it seems the traits of "
    Butler
    one who serves
    " have been emphasized. A calm and diligent older man, content with the achievements of his legend. Saber is highly loyal and would sooner die a thousand deaths than break an oath or betray a comrade. However, his devotion is not earned cheaply. To Saber, only those deemed true heroes are worthy of his servitude. He defines "true heroes" not by the strength of their body, but the resolution in their heart and soul. The strength to fight for one's comrades and protect the weak- that embodies heroism in Saber's eyes.

    To one who possesses such a spirit Saber is unfalteringly loyal, but he will show not an iota of respect to any Master bereft of the heroic virtues. Indeed, if he somehow ends up summoned by such an unscrupulous character, he'll likely kill them as soon as their true nature is revealed and accept fading from existence in the aftermath.

    Being satisfied with his achievements and having stayed true to his oath in life, Saber has no particular wish to be granted by the Holy Grail. Thusly, he will only accept summoning- not for any desire lurking in his own heart- but to heed the call of a Master worthy of his heroic sensibilities.

    Relationships/Reactions

    Heracles: "Ah, my old friend! Such a great joy to see you again... Unfortunately, as you can see, I am but a frail old man, so we cannot indulge in the same pleasures as we did in youth. Hmm... what are you looking at me for, Master? Of course I only mean sparring and the like... Young'uns these days have such wild imaginations."

    Chiron: "My uncle's teacher, if I recall correctly? Mind sharing with me a few tips of the trade? After all, teaching is about all this old man is good for right now..."

    Gilgamesh: "The proof of true heroism is not strength, but using it to protect others. Remember that, 'King of Heroes'..."

    Astolfo: "Such boyish enthusiasism... you remind me a little of myself when I was but a lad."

    Likes: serving worthy heroes, Heracles
    Dislikes: oath-breakers, any who'd besmirch the name of his friend
    Talent: faithful service
    Natural Enemy: King Eurystheus


    Class Skills
    :

    Magic Resistance- C
    Power to neutralize the effects of Magecraft aimed against oneself. At this rank, cancels spells with a chant below two verses. Proves difficult in coping with the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals.

    Though a great hero in his own right, Saber was largely overshadowed by his divine companion and possessed few legends of his own. As such, despite boasting great experience in combating the supernatural alongside his sworn friend, Saber possesses only a mediocre defense against sorcery.

    Rises to B-rank upon invocation of his Noble Phantasm- Evlogia Tis Hebe.

    Riding- A
    Ability to ride animals. At this rank, all mounts but Phantasmal and Divine Beasts can be ridden at a high degree of skill. As charioteer to the greatest hero in Greece, Saber naturally possesses an excellent affinity with mounts. One legend even has him participate in the Olympic Games and win with the horses of his beloved master...

    Though Saber's physique has deteriorated with age, it seems his riding prowess still shines as brightly as in his heroic youth.


    Personal Skills:

    Hero's Attendant- A
    A Skill afforded to those whose most valiant feats were performed in service to an even greater hero. Rather then fighting alone on the front-lines, Saber's martial prowess shines brightest when he is allowed to take a supportive role in combat. Battling alongside a hero he recognizes as even greater than himself, Saber obtains a rank-up to his parameters and a bonus to all saving throws.

    Saber was the stalwart charioteer and companion to the great hero Heracles, accompanying his friend in travels far and wide and taking on countless adventures in his name. That loyalty and devotion which surpasses even death has crystallized into this Skill- embodying the vow he made to serve the lineage of his friend for all eternity.

    Eye Of The Mind (True)- B+
    A heightened capacity for observation, refined through training, discipline and experience. An ability possessed mainly by mortals and not the gods, honed through tenacious training. So long as there is even a 1% chance of victory, this Skill greatly improves the chances of winning. Lacking the mind boggling physical strength and god-forged skill of his companion, Saber relied on technique and cunning to prevail against his many foes.

    Saber is capable of devising brilliant strategems on the fly to exploit the weak-points of even seemingly invulnerable opponents. However, while he is superb at brainstorming tactics, enacting them on the battlefield is another matter entirely- often demanding raw strength and reflexes far beyond what his body can muster. For that reason, Saber performs best when lending support to a more physically powerful hero, improvising strategies and calling them out for his partner to execute.

    Incidentally, it was Saber and not his more famous companion who came up with the tactic of scorching the neck-stumps of the Lernean Hydra to impede its regeneration.

    Divinity- E-
    A Skill measuring one's aptitude as a Divine Spirit. Saber has no true godly blood, having descended from the mortal half of Heracles' family tree. Nonetheless, being venerated as a divine hero alongside his more famous uncle has granted him a residual "smear" of divinity- equating to the lowest level of godly ties.

    Weak Constitution- C
    A weakness struck from frail health. Incurs a risk of sudden status drop while performing any action. This risk is normally small, but when invoked in combat it is immense.

    Summoned as a frail older man rather than the great hero he was in days past, Saber's strength is a pale shadow of his once youthful vigor. Be that as it may, the techniques forged and refined over an entire life of adventuring insure Saber is not a warrior to be taken lightly even despite his ailing body.

    When his Noble Phantasm- Evlogia Tis Hebe is invoked, this Skill is immediately sealed and overwritten by Battle Continuation of the same rank.


    Noble Phantasms:


    Nine Lives Pyros- Scorching Hundred Heads (C-, Anti-Unit): A Noble Phantasm crystallizing Saber's aid in slaying the immortal Lernean Hydra alongside Heracles. The Hydra was a ferocious water-serpent said to have a hundred heads of which, whenever one was cut off, two new heads would sprout up in its place like vile flowers. Because of this peerless rejuvenation, the Hydra was rumored to be impossible to kill, with not even Greece's best and bravest warriors daring to challenge it.

    Other then Saber and Heracles, of course. Watching his uncle wrestle fruitlessly in the coils of the seemingly invincible monster, Saber developed a brilliant idea on how to both circumvent its regeneration and defeat the foul beast for good. Every time Heracles cut off one of the Hydra's heads, Saber would rush closely behind and sweep his torch over the freshly severed neck, cauterizing the stump with flame and leaving it powerless to regrow. Over time through this means the Hydra was eventually left nearly powerless, upon which Heracles dispatched with the final and immortal head by burying it under a rock.

    While it was Heracles who ultimately vanquished the Hydra, true credit goes to Saber for originating the technique that made its defeat possible. A technique borne out of the concept of "nine consecutive blows"- much like that which his divine uncle would possess. However, differing from Heracles' version which exemplifies the brute strength and speed needed to mow down the Hydra, Saber's Noble Phantasm embodies the cleansing fire that made its defeat possible to begin with.

    Invoking this Noble Phantasm, Saber performs a blisteringly fast series of nine consecutive and overlapping slashes with his trusty sword. A seething arc of flames ignites along the path of each slash, slightly delayed behind his initial strike, adding bonus damage and a fire element to every swing. As well as simply burning his foes, this fire is also imbued with a limited form of the Refraction Of Longevity- dealing lasting wounds to erstwhile immortals and inhibiting regeneration whether mundane or magical. As it recreates the technique which slew a legendary Phantasmal Beast, this Noble Phantasm deals greater damage against those of a [monster] alignment.

    Since Saber's reflexes have somewhat dulled in his old age, this Noble Phantasm loses some of the power and speed it would possess in the hands of his younger self. Should his youth be somehow restored, then the true terrifying power of the technique which slew the Hydra will show itself...


    Evlogia Tis Hebe- Loyalty That Spans The Ravages Of Time (A, Support): After Heracles' death the tyrant king Eurystheus, fearful that the great hero's children might someday rise up and overthrow him, set out to drive them out of his kingdom and preferably out of existence altogether. Amassing a large military force, he sent notices all throughout Greece, warning that any rulers who dared offer hospitality and shelter to Heracles' descendants would face the wrath of his own army.

    Saber heard this terrible news and recalled the promise he'd sworn to his dearest friend and uncle- to serve Heracles' lineage until his dying breath. Even so, he was now only a feeble old man, lacking the vigor of his youth and powerless to protect his younger cousins from Eurystheus' tyranny. In the face of that despair that any lesser souls would've crumbled in the face of, Saber persevered. Taking up the old armor and sword that had served him over a lifetime of adventures, Saber prayed to any gods who would listen to grant him strength for just one day- so he could fight like he had when he was Heracles' companion.

    Hebe- Heracles' divine wife and the goddess presiding over youth and vitality- heard Saber's heartfelt plea and granted his wish. She restored the hero's faded strength and youth so he could fight in one last glorious battle. The reinvigorated hero plunged into the fray, driving back Eurystheus' forces and turning the tide of battle instantly. With all four of his sons slain, the king retreated to the Sceironian Rocks. There, he fell by the blade of Saber himself- ending his tyranny once and for all.

    This Noble Phantasm encompasses that anecdote of Saber's legend- being the reason why he appears as an old man when summoned. Upon invocation Saber casts off his old age like a cloak, becoming once more the fresh-faced and vigorous hero of his boyhood. As a result of this transformation, Saber obtains two full ranks up to all parameters. Magic Resistance is also ranked up by one, while his Weak Constitution Skill is exchanged with Battle Continuation at the same rank. Furthermore, Saber's sword begins to thrum with a soft golden light- cleaving inexorably through all defenses of rank C or lower.

    Combining the indelible energy of his younger self and the battle-tactics refined over his old age, Saber gains combat-specs to rival even the highest tier of Heroic Spirits. Saber's mind is also influenced by this transformation- exchanging his usual composure for a far more brash and hot-blooded temperament befitting of callow youth. Because of this, while Saber still possesses the experience amassed from his later life, he has trouble focusing enough to make proper use of it.

    An ephemeral blessing of youth lasting only for a single day. Upon daybreak (in actuality the passing of a 24-hour cycle), Saber's newfound strength leaves him as his body reverts to its true age. The boon of Hebe can only be called upon once in any given Grail War, after which this Noble Phantasm is sealed.

    His younger self's appearance



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So as you can see, I wrote up the Iolaus sheet I'd been talking about. Decided to class him as Saber rather then Rider, since I couldn't think of any good mount-related NP and the sword ended up getting more focus anyway. Pretty sure nobody expected me to do Iolaus as an oji-san rather then a shota or cute girl, but... that's creativity for you! Though even I had second-thoughts a few times...

    In any case, be sure to drop by with comments and criticisms! Thanks.

  6. #5886
    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Frick, I mistakenly listed his Class as Rider instead of Saber in the opening quote. Corrected.

  7. #5887
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Iolaus: Honestly, being a Battle Butler is better idea than a cutie/shota, IMO; so good job for taking a third option. Ironically enough, his personality is a true butler incarnate, so does the "Faithful Service" include basic butler service? Honestly, I've hardly heard of the bloke myself (my Greek mythos knowledge is underwhelming), so this did persuaded me to look up the guy, thanks!

    Now, some questions:

    And from the personality, I can feel that Iolaus is a perfect "Shojo Protagonist" Master's Servant. Likely seeing the burning resolve within them, he's likely to allow them as his Master.

    So... second NP will end as soon as daylight hits the horizon, so if a Servant has some sun-related NP or ability, will this NP automatically deactivate?

    Another question, how would Ioalus react to my Yasuke, since both Sabers are loyal followers/companions?
    The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
    Coffee would be nice, though.

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  8. #5888
    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    Iolaus: Honestly, being a Battle Butler is better than a cutie/shota, IMO; so good job for taking a third option. Ironically enough, his personality is a true butler incarnate, so does the "Faithful Service" include basic butler service? Honestly, I've hardly heard of the bloke myself (my Greek mythos knowledge is underwhelming), so this did persuaded me to look up the guy, thanks!

    Now, some questions:

    And from the personality, I can feel that Iolaus is a perfect "Shojo Protagonist" Master's Servant. Likely seeing the burning resolve within them, he's likely to allow them as his Master.

    So... second NP will end as soon as daylight hits the horizon, so if a Servant has some sun-related NP or ability, will this NP automatically deactivate?

    Another question, how would Ioalus react to my Yasuke, since both Sabers are loyal followers/companions?
    I basically envisioned him as a battle-butler (even thought of including it as his Talent but couldn't think of how to word it properly), so it's good to hear you liked that take. Not sure what you mean about the Shojo protagonist bit, honestly. I think he's a little too old to serve as the classic Shojo love interest, though his personality is pretty ideal for it... Regarding how he only lets himself be called on by a fitting Master, I basically took the idea from Nero on how she accepted summons in response to Hakuno's determination to stay alive, so in that sense you're pretty much correct I suppose. (If that's what you meant)

    He and Yasuke would be able to bond over their sheer degree of loyalty I presume, thought they might clash depending on whether Iolaus would view Nobu as a "great hero" (unlikely).

    - - - Updated - - -

    Oh and I added a line to the start of his Personality section that I intended on including initially, but lost sight of somewhere down the line... (I was reminded by Zh's "butler" comment)

  9. #5889
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    I basically envisioned him as a battle-butler (even thought of including it as his Talent but couldn't think of how to word it properly), so it's good to hear you liked that take. Not sure what you mean about the Shojo protagonist bit, honestly. I think he's a little too old to serve as the classic Shojo love interest, though his personality is pretty ideal for it... Regarding how he only lets himself be called on by a fitting Master, I basically took the idea from Nero on how she accepted summons in response to Hakuno's determination to stay alive, so in that sense you're pretty much correct I suppose. (If that's what you meant)

    He and Yasuke would be able to bond over their sheer degree of loyalty I presume, thought they might clash depending on whether Iolaus would view Nobu as a "great hero" (unlikely).

    (Love interest lol. I mean, better than Moriarty, right?)

    But yes, that's what I meant.

    Btw, you didn't answer the question about the NP...
    The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
    Coffee would be nice, though.

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  10. #5890
    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    (Love interest lol. I mean, better than Moriarty, right?)

    But yes, that's what I meant.

    Btw, you didn't answer the question about the NP...
    I realized I forgot to answer that part after I already posted the reply. To answer, I envisioned Evlogia Tis Hebe to work off a literal 24-hour cycle. The reference to daybreak was simply being poetic.

  11. #5891
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    I see. Thanks for clearing it up.
    The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
    Coffee would be nice, though.

    [Collection of my Servant Sheets]
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  12. #5892
    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Update: Clarified the mention of 'daybreak' in Iolaus' second NP... Thanks, Zh!

  13. #5893
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    "ah, you summon me to fight master, sounds interesting lets do it!"


    true name: Lucifer Morningstar "Satan"
    class:caster
    alignment: neutral evil.
    alternative classes: saber, assassin, and berserker.

    history: (just gonna do a basic summery since I feel everyone already knows the story) castor was one of the most powerful angels under gods command and killed many Fallen angels and demons, however at some point in his life he began to devolope a jealsoy towards humans, and after having a bet with God which he lost he was cats from heaven were he ruled hell.

    personality : castor is not the evil torture of men, but rather in his castor form he simply personified as the idea of the trickier punisher of evil men, and after years spent in hell he no,longer is jelouse of humanity but rather disinterested and sometimes pitiful of them, altho there are a few humans who may catch his interest in which he may approach them, do to castor being summoned a trickster aspect he has developed a since of arrogance which his other class selfs would not have, and tends to take fights on same leval as or chores, just something he might as well do. Do to castors nature he is devise and cunning, but his playfulness and carefree attitude would likely be teh thing that would loose him a battle.

    Stats:
    strength: C+
    mana: A++
    endurance: D
    luck: D
    agility: E

    class skills:
    item creation A+++
    he can create any item with the exemption items of to do with good and nothing else, as well as he cannot create NPs

    territory creation EX.
    being the king of hell he can create entire realities which are entirely his to control almost becoming Phantasms in and of them selfs, an rank which truly suits teh king of hell one would say.

    Personal skills.
    Curse immunity A
    Castor is immune to all curses with the exception of phantasmal based curses.

    Satanic intuition A+
    castor can isnatsnly know if he's being lied to no matter how well a lie is set, he can also instantly tell if one his hiding something, intends to kill him to someone else, etc.

    demonic sense, B
    can sense the presence of any demonic related NPs, spells, or creatures.

    NPs.
    "king of lies" rank A++, type anti personal, affect others. Target range: 1.
    This phanatsm takes in the fact that castor is the king of lies, and the first to lie when this phantasm is activated it is impossible not to belaeave any lie tells no matter how ridicules it is, and no amount of will or Magic resistance can do anything. The phanatasm create a statistic effect simpler to mind control, and creates outer confusion.

    "The book of the thousand spells of hell". Rank D~Ex, type: anti unit. Number of targets: Unknown.
    this is castors primary NP, as it contains every spell ever made with intent to harm or sin against another man, these I dude Phantasms, it also lets him sommun beats, and he can even summon beats of any mythology so long as there intent creation was to kill or punish, these include beasts like the hydra, and phanatsmal spells such as the ones used by castor in fate/extra.
    Last edited by venomking; May 7th, 2017 at 02:43 AM.

  14. #5894
    吸血鬼 Vampire sherlock1110's Avatar
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    Okay, here's another Servant and though it's obviously unoriginal and inspired by another previous (far better) Servant I thought it would be best to turn my hand to it since nobody else seems to have done it yet.

    Servant Saber:

    True Name: Jean-Jacques Rousseau

    Alignment: Chaotic Good

    Strength- D
    Agility- C
    Endurance- C
    Mana- B
    Luck- D
    NP- C+

    Appearance (temporary image):
    [img]http://imgur.com/636m9hU[/img]

    Personality: Though ordered, polite and dignified due to his upbringing Saber's passion shows through in outbursts of rapid statements, he is also highly critical of authority and when coupled with a Master who expects a Servant obedient to every command Saber will rebel in some extent.
    Saber is a deeply religious man and though he had criticisms of the Church he bemoans the popularity that materialist views have gained, however he is a naturally optimistic spirit and instead prefers to focus on the developments in art (especially music). Saber is determined to prove his political views and though he professes a hope in the democratic societies that have appeared since his death deep down he feels that they are not truly good societies. He can appear insincere in his flattery of those he respects as his praises pile up on a nigh constant basis.

    Likes: Mankind's natural state, reversion to nature, music, the rule of all over all
    Dislikes: Government, Rulers,
    Talent: Infectious optimism
    Natural Enemies: Thomas Hobbes, Economists

    Class Skills:

    Riding: (D-)
    Though it is likely that Saber has secretly been attempting to hone this skill, truly he only possesses it due to the container he has been summoned in, as such he only displays average riding talent with ordinary mounts or vehicles.

    Magic Resistance: (C+)
    Cancellation of spells below two verses, but is unable to defend against magecraft on the level of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals. As he was born after the Age of the Gods and was never acquainted with magic in his lifetime Saber has a far inferior ranking in this ability when compared to others of this class.

    Personal Skills:

    Expert of many Specializations: (C++)
    Saber was an enlightenment era scholar who was well versed in subjects such as mathematics, theology, music and philosophy among others. Though it is not genius level this provides Saber with a large amount of knowledge of the world around him.

    Eye for Art: (B)
    Saber was a composer whose work had lasting effects on the art world, in addition to this his passion for the arts allows him to have a high chance to recognise Noble Phantasms with artistic anecdotes.

    Nature of a Rebellious Spirit: (A)
    While he was censored by major authorities in life Saber still perpetually argued against the major establishments at large, writing many essays that even disagreed with ideas of similar philosophers at the time. His work later went onto inspire revolutions throughout the world. As such he ignores Charisma of the same rank or under.

    Wisdom of the Enlightened Scholar: (A)
    This skill represents Saber's capabilities to understand arguments and construct them himself as a philosopher. His determination and intelligence make him a formidable foe in a debate, allowing him to convince many to his view on humanity and society. This grants equivalent ranks in Human Observation and Incitement.

    Noble Phantasms:

    Man is Born Free- Yet everywhere he is in chains (D++, Support): A Noble Phantasm taking the form of a slender longsword, this blade is Saber's weapon of choice. Though the sword could pass as ordinary upon closer inspection it leaves the distinct impression of being natural rather than forged or constructed. It is a Phantasmal weapon which is the formation of Saber's belief in mankind's natural state as being a positive one. The sword exudes a faint light, and while holding it Saber is unable to be affected by his second Noble Phantasm. Though the weapon cannot be broken it can be taken away from Saber, though this is troublesome as the blade dispels (complete removal, not merely ignoring the effects of the magecraft) any manner of Territory Related Magecraft it comes into contact with, removing the concept of private property from surrounding magical systems.

    The Social Contract- Principles of Political Right (C, Anti-Army): Saber's second Noble Phantasm, while very similar in its manner to a curse, it is not dispelled by Magic Resistance or other skills which may defend against offensive Magecraft as it is deceptively made into a blessing. The NP is cast upon all human beings (Servants and other humanoids count) in a 2 mile radius of Saber, appearing as an endless amount of chains that rise from the ground (similar to a certain Princesses Marble Phantasm, except far smaller). The chains will ceaselessly appear from the ground, tying down and slowing the targets. Even if contact with the chains is indirect (such as through armour or a weapon) strength will be drained from the target, this NP cannot kill it's victims but it can make them easy prey for any who are unaffected by it. The chains can be broken but they will reform, and besides they are endless in number. The effects of this NP persist even when the targets exit a 2 mile radius of Saber, and will only be cancelled either when Saber dies or while they are on land affected by Territory Related Magecraft, however in the latter case the effects will resurface once they leave the area.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    I apologise for the unoriginality of this sheet once again, but I hope this Servant (like the perfectability of manking) can be improved upon.
    If there are any criticisms please do not hesitate to inform me and to anyone who has read this far have a nice day

    - - - Updated - - -

    Okay, I give up, what is wrong with my image tags
    Last edited by sherlock1110; May 7th, 2017 at 03:27 PM.

  15. #5895
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    No clue about images, but the sheet is quite nice. I always like philosophy-based sheets. My thoughts:

    Great, well fleshed-out personality

    Wisdom of the Enlightened Scholar was a combination skill I used for Thomas Hobbes, right? Was Hobbes the inspiration for this sheet? Even if not, how do you think the characters would interact?

    The sword is simple enough but I like the effect. In particular the second aspect (breaking through territorial effects) adds a nice bit of flavor.

    Can you dodge or break the chains? (Though I imagine if you can break them, that only results in more shooting out of the ground or something.)

  16. #5896
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    Alright, Hephaestus isn't ready to critique yet, but lucifer is. It's just a remake of an old sheet I did which I ended up deleting.

  17. #5897
    吸血鬼 Vampire sherlock1110's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    No clue about images, but the sheet is quite nice. I always like philosophy-based sheets. My thoughts:

    Great, well fleshed-out personality

    Wisdom of the Enlightened Scholar was a combination skill I used for Thomas Hobbes, right? Was Hobbes the inspiration for this sheet? Even if not, how do you think the characters would interact?

    The sword is simple enough but I like the effect. In particular the second aspect (breaking through territorial effects) adds a nice bit of flavor.

    Can you dodge or break the chains? (Though I imagine if you can break them, that only results in more shooting out of the ground or something.)
    Ah sorry, yeah I really didn't develop the abilities well so I need to seriously revise them... I thought them being breakable would work I didn't necessarily conceive that at the start of the sheet, sorry. Also yes it's a really bad rip-off of the Hobbes sheet, I just thought that Rousseau having similar yet opposed beliefs to Hobbes might work well, but otherwise it is quite a mess of a sheet that needs serious repair -_-

    The image tags aren't working for me... so I'm looking into that but otherwise I am quite pleased with the sheet, I went with Pancake man for the picture because.... I thought he worked *shrugs*

  18. #5898
    It's All Good! 4score7years's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sherlock1110 View Post
    Ah sorry, yeah I really didn't develop the abilities well so I need to seriously revise them... I thought them being breakable would work I didn't necessarily conceive that at the start of the sheet, sorry. Also yes it's a really bad rip-off of the Hobbes sheet, I just thought that Rousseau having similar yet opposed beliefs to Hobbes might work well, but otherwise it is quite a mess of a sheet that needs serious repair -_-

    The image tags aren't working for me... so I'm looking into that but otherwise I am quite pleased with the sheet, I went with Pancake man for the picture because.... I thought he worked *shrugs*
    You shouldn't beat yourself up so much, my friend. I wouldn't say this is a "mess of a sheet" at all. I think that there are always a few points that can be revised or touched up with virtually any sheet. You can pretty much always improve on stuff. I know it can be harder to recognize with your own work than other people's, but this sheet is pretty good as is.

    And tbh, I do think the contrast between this guy and Hobbes works pretty well. I'm incredibly flattered that someone liked my work enough for it to inspire them, but I don't think this is a ripoff at all and I think that you can be proud of this sheet in its own right.

  19. #5899
    So Many Ideas, So Little Time SleepMode's Avatar
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    I'm currently working on the Hugues de Payens Sheet I've been going on an off for so long, and I've yet to make a good ideal Skill for him. I've already made a Skill reflecting his position as Founder of the Knights Templar, what other Skills would be a good idea?
    The Act of dozing off in the afternoon is a luxury indeed.
    Coffee would be nice, though.

    [Collection of my Servant Sheets]
    Now Revamped!

  20. #5900
    I'm the Great Pretender RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zh1212 View Post
    I'm currently working on the Hugues de Payens Sheet I've been going on an off for so long, and I've yet to make a good ideal Skill for him. I've already made a Skill reflecting his position as Founder of the Knights Templar, what other Skills would be a good idea?
    Depending on what the "founder' Skill encompasses, you could give him something like Golden Rule or Protection Of The Faith. Don't really know enough about the guy to suggest anything more specific...

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