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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #6761
    Wyrd oft nereð unfǽgne eorl, þonne his ellen déah... Skull's Avatar
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    Okay, I'm back from a hiatus and have started another sheet.

    Get ready, because the leader of the Shinsengumi is coming!
    "Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"

    (Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)

  2. #6762
    夜魔 Nightmare sherlock1110's Avatar
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    Well... I was busy, sorry. I won't be looking over every sheet since I came back but they all seem pretty cool in general.
    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    Summer Events: Deepest Lore.
    These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
    Servant And Master Sheets

  3. #6763
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    Depends on how it's done and if it's justified

    Genghis: Not too bad for your third sheet, but I do have a few corrections.

    Conqueror of Continents has a confusing description. What does it actually do? You talk about it like it's super awesome, written, it seems fairly pointless.

    Dread should be replaced with E rank Charisma, they are functionally identical

    First NP is boring

    Second needs more description. Also, its limitations are unclear. 5 times total or 5 times before putting it away? If the former, why? If the latter, tone it down from Anti-City

    Third NP needs additional description and limitations. What's to stop him from just doing it immediately, to begin.

    Stats are probably too high, personality could use more description.
    Thank you for the review.

    About the Conqueror of Continents : Yes, it is actually pointless in a Holy Grail War between 7 Servants, it's only useful on war between armies or nations.

    About Dread : Uhh... No. Gawain has E Charisma and it doesn't work like that. I know Altria Alter has it too, but it doesn't work quite like what I imagined.

    About 1st NP : Yes, cavalry charge is boring, and I intend to keep it that way.

    2nd NP : It's the former, i think.

    3rd NP : Yeah, I will add the limitation.

    Other : I personally don't like making too much description, i prefer to make it as simple as possible.

    The sheet is now updated. Thanks again.
    If you don't mind, can you review my Cortes sheet as well?
    Last edited by 34; July 20th, 2017 at 06:58 PM.

  4. #6764
    夜魔 Nightmare Express's Avatar
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    Democracy’s First Defendant...Prince of Argos...Meal of the Erinyes

    Source: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust....st_id=62907182
    Class: Lancer
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    True Name: Orestes
    Origin: Greece

    Parameters
    Strength: C+
    Endurance: C
    Agility: C
    Mana: D
    Luck: E
    NP: B

    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance: (D)
    Magic Resistance grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
    Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

    Personal Skills:

    Evaporation of Sanity: (C)
    Evaporation of Sanity is a Skill that denotes that one's reasoning is disappearing, making it impossible to keep any secrets.
    A Skill forced onto Lancer due to the incessant pursuit of the Furies. A madness that quickly wore down his wits, none of the people who heard his screams for help believed him, as the Furies were somehow invisible or else went unnoticed by others the entire time.
    A paranoia that causes Lancer to voice his concerns about enemy movements no matter his environment, is forgetful of important things, etc. Luckily, the Skill also functions as Instinct. One is able to, to a degree, feel the optimal course of battle. Because Lancer’s “prime” could be considered to include the time after his madness was alleviated, this skill can be sealed through a Command Spell; however with the obvious loss of the secondary Instinct effects.
    If summoned as a Berserker, this skill would be sublimated into Lancer’s Mad Enhancement.

    Monstrous Strength: (D)
    Monstrous Strength is a Skill that permits the augmentation of its holder's Strength parameter by one rank for a time limit determined by the ranking of this Skill. This Skill is borne from the holder's nature as a monster or Demonic Beast.
    During the time of the Battle of the Fetters (circa 550 BC), the Spartans consulted the Oracle of Delphi for advice in conquering Arcadia. The Oracle stated that the Spartans would lose unless they moved the bones of Orestes to Spartan soil. Upon discovering the body, Heracles’ servant Lichas describes the skeleton as well over 10 feet tall, proving that Lancer had a modicum of giant blood in him. Whether this was simply a mutated physical exhibition of Lancer’s “drop in the bucket” Divinity he received from his great-grandfather Tantalus is unknown. Because it was never mentioned outright in any of the works featuring Orestes, and the tendency to make all major Greek heroes giants posthumously, Lancer’s rank is low. He can augment his strength for only a very short time.

    Tipping the Scales: (A)
    A Skill earned by being the prototype of all stories involving committing atrocious deeds under extenuating circumstances, and indirectly helping to create the Athenian judicial system.
    So long as Lancer is able to keep his actions justifiably under what a “Lawful Good” alignment would consider appropriate--be it combat or decisions outside--Lancer can pass Will, Saving, and potentially even Luck checks with absolute ease. At this rank, it also functions as a passive increase to combat power.
    However, the instant he strays from the path of Lawful Good, be it on accident due to his deteriorating sanity or through the machinations of his Master, this Skill is sealed instantly. Should Lancer’s knowledge of modern law fail him and his actions can be proved by implicit loophole, the Skill’s effects can be regained numerous times.

    Noble Phantasm

    Labrys Clytemnestra: (A Viper’s Retribution)
    (Anti-Unit, B)

    The two-sided axe that once belonged to Hippolyta, before Heracles stole it along with the more famous girdle to give to his then-master Omphale. An heirloom of the Lydian kings, Aeschylus is reputed to have given it to Clytemnestra as the instrument of Agamemnon’s murder. After Lancer murdered Clytemnestra, he took the axe for himself. If asked, he’ll say it’s because he wanted a constant reminder of the two-faced nature of his mother, much like the two-faced nature of the axe.
    A weapon that’s become cursed by being soaked in the blood of revenge schemes, using it is not without risk. Upon activation, any stroke that Lancer makes with the axe will be mimicked by a “ghost” of the axe, made of potent curse magics. While the downswing of the actual axe is able to affect physical beings and Servants, the cursed backswing is able to affect magical beings more potently as a whole, eating away at whatever it comes in contact with like acid.
    True to the tragic circle that was Lancer’s life, even his own Noble Phantasm will inevitably cause him pain. The more he uses the activated form of his axe without making contact with anything, the closer the cursed shadow backswing will get to Lancer himself, like a pendulum. Eventually, if he finds no prey to satisfy it, it will strike him down.
    The axe also carries a small passive bonus against [Mother] type Servants.

    History

    Orestes, tragic protagonist of the Oresteia, was the son of Argive “hero” Agamemnon and Clytemnestra.
    After the incident involving his parents and his elder sister Iphigenia, he was exiled from Argos by Clytemnestra and her new lover Aeschylus so he could safely replace Agamemnon. Orestes eventually made his way back to Argos (or Mycenae depending on the source) on the orders of Apollo to murder his mother, accompanied by his sister Electra. After systematically murdering his mother and her new consort, Orestes begins hallucinating that the Furies are after him for the crime of matricide. Fleeing to a temple of Athena, Apollo pokes his head down and helps out by making the Furies fall asleep so Orestes can take a much needed nap. Once Athena finds him there, Orestes and the Furies explain their stories. Deciding the situation is too complicated even for Athena, the goddess creates the Athenian judicial system to sort everything out, with both Apollo and Athena acting as Orestes’ defense attorney. Using a loophole and a tie-breaking vote, the two gods proved Orestes’ innocence, and he went on to become king of Argos in Agamemnon’s stead.
    A postscript to the story is that the Furies had a change in job title courtesy of Athena, becoming the Eumenides, or Kindly Ones.


    Last edited by Express; July 20th, 2017 at 07:14 PM.

  5. #6765
    Quote Originally Posted by ThirtyFour34 View Post
    If you don't mind, can you review my Cortes sheet as well?
    Kay

    No Voyager of the Storm? He wasn't as much a sailor as some in that period, but I mean if you're giving him a boat...

    also no Magic Resistance?

    What's Conquistador do? Same kind of issue as that other one with Genghis. You say it enhances MT and Charisma, but more info would be good

    Re: 2nd and 3rd NPs

    2nd: IMO, Noble Phantasms should have flash. They're usually meant to be highlights, one of the ways that sheets stand apart from one another, the trump cards of their Servants. A damage upgrade to another NP is kind of...boring? I feel that there's gotta be more you can do there.

    3rd: There are a couple of NPs that start to seem a little played out after a while here. This is an example of one of those, for me. It works for Gil, but it's not that interesting to see it done here. Perhaps more condensation would be better? As in, perhaps all that plundering could be condensed into a single item acting as the crystallization of all that somehow? That would give Cortes himself a little more to do, as well. I dunno, food for thought.
    Last edited by 4score7years; July 20th, 2017 at 08:03 PM.

  6. #6766
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Columbus Profile
    Conquistador - EX

    The Skill of one who had conquered the unchartered lands at the end of their voyages during the Age of Exploration. In Spain, it means "conqueror". Denotes the ability of invading, ruling, pillaging, and enslaving an undiscovered land.
    Strictly speaking, a conquistador refers to those who had conquered the "American Continent" at the end of their voyage, but as its origin—as the first progenitor who generated the concept of "a conqueror from Spain", Columbus was endowed with this Skill at EX Rank.
    it's a canon skill, and that's literally all we know about it atm

    - - - Updated - - -

    Its gameplay effect is Buster Up + Crit stars, so infer from that what you want
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly

  7. #6767
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    Kay

    No Voyager of the Storm? He wasn't as much a sailor as some in that period, but I mean if you're giving him a boat...

    also no Magic Resistance?

    What's Conquistador do? Same kind of issue as that other one with Genghis. You say it enhances MT and Charisma, but more info would be good

    Re: 2nd and 3rd NPs

    2nd: IMO, Noble Phantasms should have flash. They're usually meant to be highlights, one of the ways that sheets stand apart from one another, the trump cards of their Servants. A damage upgrade to another NP is kind of...boring? I feel that there's gotta be more you can do there.

    3rd: There are a couple of NPs that start to seem a little played out after a while here. This is an example of one of those, for me. It works for Gil, but it's not that interesting to see it done here. Perhaps more condensation would be better? As in, perhaps all that plundering could be condensed into a single item acting as the crystallization of all that somehow? That would give Cortes himself a little more to do, as well. I dunno, food for thought.
    Thank you again.

    About Skills : Yeah, no Voyager of Storm skill, the skill to operate a ship falls in Riding skill instead, he's mainly using a horse as rider. Conquistador skill is, like what I said in Conqueror of Continents, pretty pointless in a Holy Grail War of 7 Servants, it would be more applicable in a war between armies or nations.

    About 2nd NP : Uh, yeah, i feel it's kinda dull as well. But it also activates the weaponry of his Expedition Ship, so that too.

    3rd NP : Yeah, I have thought about it, but Cortez's Treasure is legendary, it's said that his treasures are so plenty that many games and movies about treasure hunting features his treasures. So, I give him that NP.
    Last edited by 34; July 20th, 2017 at 08:24 PM.

  8. #6768
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    it's a canon skill, and that's literally all we know about it atm

    - - - Updated - - -

    Its gameplay effect is Buster Up + Crit stars, so infer from that what you want
    For my own Conquistador Servant, I went with a "rank up to parameters in enemy territory, plus against enemies with the Golden Rule Skill" effect.

    As you said though, the actual effects haven't been described in canon so really you can fit in whatever you want as long as it more-or-less fits the flavor text.

  9. #6769
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
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    Here's my 4th servant sheet, this time is an Indonesian National Hero.



    Class : Berserker
    Alternate Classes : Saber, Assassin
    Identity : Cut Nyak Dhien
    Origin : Aceh, Indonesia
    Alignment : Lawful Neutral

    PARAMETER
    STR : C+
    END : C
    AGL : B+
    MGI : D
    LCK : B
    NP : C

    CLASS SKILL
    Mad Enchantment : D
    Is the skill that characterizes the Berserker Class. Raising parameters, but hindering mental capacities. In some cases, in can also affect or even seal some skills or Noble Phantasms. At this rank, combat parameters are slightly raised, but conversation capability is limited, but still possible to some degree thanks to one of her personal skill.

    PERSONAL SKILLS
    Zealotry : B+
    Is the skill that gives the person high mental strength and defense through a strong religious faith in something that is beyond the understanding of normal human. Berserker gained this skill because of her devotion and zealotry to the teaching of Islam, which fueled her will to resist the Dutch Colonialism. With this skill, she can resist and overcome various mental attacks, ranging from trauma to mental interference magecraft. At this rank, it is even possible to negate the effect of Mad Enchantment after reciting specific Qur’anic verse.

    Subversive Activities : C
    Is the skill to reduce or weaken the enemy forces before the battle even begin. A skill for those specialized in setting traps or guerrilla warfare. Berserker gained this skill because of the methods of resistance she attempted in her life, guerrilla warfare, using ambushes and traps to weaken the heavily armed Dutch Forces. The rank of this skill is actually higher, but was slightly lowered because of Berserker’s Mad Enchanment.

    Battle Continuation : D++
    Is the skill that allows continuation of combat after sustaining an injury, also reduces mortality rate from injury, which represents the ability to survive or the mentality of not knowing when to give up, consisting of one's resistance to predicament. Berserker gained this skill because of her determination to resist and fight the Dutch Colonialist even with her old age and various physical ailments.

    Independent Action : C+
    Is the ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master. At higher ranks, it is also possible to remain for extended periods of time in this world without an established contract. It is both useful and troublesome depending on the disposition of the Servant and the rank of Independent Action. Berserker gained this skill because of her continuous resistance against the Colonialist even with the lack of supplies, the decreasing soldiers and the death of her husband.

    NOBLE PHANTASMS

    Rencong Cot Lantring
    Blade of Firm Resistance
    Rank : C+
    Type : Anti-Unit

    The special blade that Berserker uses as her main weapon. Rencong is the traditional weapon of the Acehnese, It’s used in their martial art and needs some degree of training to be used properly. This Noble Phantasm’s main strength is it’s speed combined with Berserker’s Agility.

    The rencong is worn sheathed on the left hand side of the bearer. When it is used as a weapon, then it is usually drawn with the left foot forward so that by a quick short step forward with the right foot, the thrust of the knife receives added impetus. The blade is withdrawn from its sheath, cutting edge toward the enemy. It is then whipped to the right by a snap of the hand which brings the palm upward; the elbow is held fairly close to the body. The thrust is made by extending the right arm almost to full extension and turning the palm downward just prior to penetration of the target. In the hand of this Servant, it’s like a rapid, continous slashing and thrusting.

    Acehnese say that the rencong takes the shape of the invocation, "Bismillaah In the name of God, the merciful and compassionate." The component parts of the rencong is likened to individual letters of the formal Arabic script huruf gundul, literally bare lettering, of the phrase Bismillaah (Basmala). As result, this weapon has some sort of divine blessing as result and is effective against demonic or maleficent beings. The spiritual nature of rencong also means it may only be used to defend against enemy attacks or to fight in the cause of Allah.

    This Noble Phantasm has a special relation with it’s owner, when danger is nearby or Berserker is about to be attacked, the Rencong would give her an insight about the threat. This is from the legend and belief about the Rencong itself, which is believed by the Acehnese to have mystical powers and have spirit of its own.

    History

    Cut Nyak Dhien or Tjoet Nja' Dhien (1848, Lampadang – November 6, 1908, Sumedang) was a leader of the Acehnese guerrilla forces during the Aceh War. Following the death of her husband Teuku Umar, she led guerrilla actions against the Dutch for 25 years. She was posthumously awarded the title of National Hero of Indonesia on May 2, 1964 by the Indonesian government.


    Cut Nyak Dhien was born into an Islamic aristocratic family in Aceh Besar in VI mukim district in 1848. Her father, Teuku Nanta Setia, was a member of the ruling Ulèë Balang aristocratic class in VI mukim, and her mother was also from an aristocrat family. She was educated in religion and household matters. She was renowned for her beauty, and many men proposed to her until her parents arranged for her marriage to Teuku Cek Ibrahim Lamnga, the son of an aristocratic family, when she was twelve.


    On 26 March 1873, the Dutch declared war on Aceh, beginning the Aceh War. During the first part of this war, the First Aceh Expedition, Aceh was led by Panglima Polem and Sultan Alauddin Mahmud Syah II. The Dutch army sent 3,000 soldiers led by Johan Harmen Rudolf Köhler to take the Sultan's palace. The Sultan, however, received military aid from Italy and the United Kingdom, and the Aceh army was rapidly modernized and enlarged from 10,000 to 100,000 soldiers. Dutch forces were successfully pushed back, and Köhler died in action.


    In November 1873, during the Second Aceh Expedition the Dutch successfully captured VI mukim in 1873, followed by the Sultan's Palace in 1874. In 1875, Cut Nyak Dhien and her baby, along with other mothers, were evacuated to a safer location while her husband Ibrahim Lamnga fought to reclaim VI mukim.


    Teuku Ibrahim Lamnga died in action in Gle Tarum on June 29, 1878. Upon hearing this, Cut Nyak Dhien swore revenge against the Dutch.


    Some time after the death of her husband, an Acehnese hero Teuku Umar proposed to her. Although she rejected him at first, she accepted his proposal when Umar allowed her to fight, and they were married in 1880. This greatly boosted the morale of Aceh armies in their fight against the Kaphé Blanda, or Dutch infidel. Teuku Umar and Cut Nyak Dhien had a daughter together named Cut Gambang. Dhien was very determined to stay in the war that so took her daughter in with her.


    The war continued, and the Acehnese declared a holy war against the Dutch, engaging in guerrilla warfare and attacking with traps and ambushes. Undersupplied, Teuku Umar surrendered to Dutch forces on September 30, 1893 along with 250 of his men. The Dutch army welcomed him and appointed him as a commander, giving him the title of Teuku Umar Johan Pahlawan. However, Teuku Umar secretly planned to betray the Dutch. Two years later Teuku Umar set out to assault Aceh, but instead departed with his troops, heavy equipment, weapons, and ammunition, using these supplies to help the Acehnese. This is recorded in Dutch history as "Het verraad van Teukoe Oemar" (the treason of Teuku Umar).


    Teuku Umar and Dhien kept resisting the Dutch with their new equipment until the Dutch sent the Maréchaussée. The Acehnese found these troops extremely difficult to resist and many people were killed.


    The Dutch general Johannes Benedictus van Heutsz took advantage of the condition and sent a spy to Aceh. Teuku Umar was killed during battle when the Dutch launched a surprise attack on him in Meulaboh. When Cut Gambang cried over his death, Cut Nyak Dhien reportedly slapped her and then she hugged her and said:"As Acehnese women, we may not shed tears for those who have been martyred."


    After her husband died, Cut Nyak Dhien continued to resist the Dutch with her small army until its destruction in 1901, as the Dutch adapted their tactics to the situation in Aceh. Furthermore, Cut Nyak Dhien suffered from nearsightedness and arthritis as she got older. The numbers of her troops was also keep decreasing and they suffered from lack of supplies.


    One of her troops, Pang Laot, told the Dutch the location of her headquarters in Beutong Le Sageu. The Dutch assaulted, catching Dhien and her troops by surprise. Despite desperately fighting back, Dhien was captured, although her daughter Cut Gambang escaped and continued the resistance.


    Dhien was brought to Banda Aceh and her myopia and arthritis slowly healed, but in the end she was exiled to Sumedang, West Java because the Dutch were afraid she would mobilize the resistance of Aceh people. In May 2, 1964 she was posthumously proclaimed a National Hero by President Soekarno.


    Personality

    Personality
    Likes : Reciting Qur’an, Acehnese traditional food
    Dislikes : Oppressors, cowards
    Talents : Making traps, housewife stuffs.
    Natural Enemies : Dutch, Colonialist, Blasphemers.

    Due to being Berserker, her personality is slightly different from her normal self and become more simplistic in nature. She's very zealous and and often aggressive towards infidels, especially blasphemer, and more especially oppressors and invaders.

    As Berserker, she has a heavily biased black and white view on the world, and may judge people based on her religion and nationality. Though she can tolerate peoples from other nationality and religion if she doesn't consider them as a kind of oppressor or blasphemer.

    She is also very stubborn and her Master may find it difficult to order her around, although she will eventually follow the order as long as it doesn't offend her religion. Her wish for the Grail is to live as a normal muslim women along with her husband and children in her own homeland peacefully.



    As always, comments or reviews will be greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by 34; July 22nd, 2017 at 12:28 AM.

  10. #6770
    夜属 Nightkin chem24's Avatar
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    Man, now you've started to pump out these servant sheets a real lot. Although I think Lawful Zealous is stretching it a bit, since even Zealot has her alignment as "Lawful Good".

  11. #6771
    E-Rank Bronzefag MehKitteh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThirtyFour34
    Cut Nyak Dhien
    I was summoned by someone posting an Indonesian sheet. To be honest, Dutch-hating Berserker Cut Nyak Dhien would fit more than an Islamic Berserker one. Note that her vow to kill Dutch Colonialists is driven by her rage because they killed her first husband.

    Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
    ---
    Dreams of swallow cuts.
    ---
    summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    people who have waifus are necessarily mentally ill


  12. #6772
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Wraith: This is incredibly edgy. Also incredibly boring personality-wise, but that's pretty much unavoidable when the only concept involved is "HATE HATE HATE GRAAAARGH". And while I can't exactly criticize, I'm not entirely sure why you decided to make the giant raging murder-monster a girl. Oh and if you want some actual critique, Seething Hatred should really just be Mana Burst (Flames) with a unique description, rather then an entirely different Skill.

  13. #6773
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    It's not a he or a she, please ing or the she
    part, that why I called it they throu most of the sheet.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And there that way because there a last resort for the "new hero" in my current fanfic.
    Basicly I'm wanting the servants critiqued before I use em or introduce them.
    Last edited by venomking; July 23rd, 2017 at 04:16 PM.

  14. #6774
    後継者 Successor zikari8's Avatar
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    Criticism on Wraith:

    True Name: I'm not actually sure why the name is wraith. A wraith is an ephemeral presence, akin to a ghost. It doesn't have a particular connection to hatred.
    Class: I suppose Berserker works, though perhaps Avenger would be better
    Likes: Why does it like its master at all if it's the embodiment of hatred?

    Background: Hmm... not sure if the embodiment of hatred qualifies for a heroic spirit. Maybe if it was attributed to a specific person or figure who is empowered by the embodiment of the world's hatred i.e. Angra Mainyu is all the world's evil, but hatred itself seems like it's too vague. Even when you consider it as a servant that cannot be summoned normally, it's still pretty weak of a concept.

    Personality: As said, why does it not hate its master? Also why are food and money exempt from hatred? I'm sure there are people who have hated food and money so the embodiment of all hatred should do so as well, no?

    Personal Skills: I feel like Insanity and Endless Bloodlust can be included into Mad Enhancement and don't need to be their own skills. Seething Hatred could probably be flavored better.

    All the Hatred in the World: Could probably explain the effects of the noble phantasm better. Sure, it's the embodiment of hatred but why does that make other people angry? Even a simple reason like the fact that hatred leads to more hatred can be used to help flavor it out. Also seems pretty powerful for an E-rank noble phantasm

    Axe of Hatred: Seems out of nowhere. Could use some explanation for where it comes from, as in what the origin of it being a flaming axe comes from.

    General Remarks: As always, I encourage you to do an elementary proofreading of your writing. Sentences start with capitalized letters. Sentences are separated by periods rather than commas. If a sentence is getting really long, consider how one may rephrase it to make it easier to read or maybe consider making it two sentences. Spelling is important.

    Other than these things, please keep up the work.


  15. #6775
    lordofvenom venomking's Avatar
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    Um it's the sin of wraith, that's why it's name is wraith.

    - - - Updated - - -

    E- rank cause it can't effect masters or servants and can't do much damage even indirectly to servents it's make just a way to create chaos. Axe if hatred is a weapon that it's hatred into attack, useing the idea of fire representing hatred. It'll get more fleshed out in the fanfic. Also the master servant pact causes it to like it's master.

  16. #6776
    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Um it's the sin of wraith, that's why it's name is wraith.
    ok this is the one for me

    im officially being ken m'd
    Last edited by 4score7years; July 23rd, 2017 at 05:16 PM.

  17. #6777
    夜魔 Nightmare sherlock1110's Avatar
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    Servant Identity

    True Name: venomking
    Aliases: lordofvenom, King of Trolling, The Greatest Shitposter Known to The Internet, The Man Who Sold Beasts Lair
    Alignment: True Venom

    Okay I'll stop

    Appearance



    Skills

    Class Skills:

    Imperial Privilege (EX+): Can use any Noble Phantasm through insistence that it is owned by the King of Venom

    Noble Phantasms

    something something Nameless Psychopath

    something something summons Draconic for some DraconicXvenomking goodness
    Last edited by sherlock1110; July 23rd, 2017 at 05:25 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Daneel Rush View Post
    Summer Events: Deepest Lore.
    These are my Servant and Master sheets I hope you enjoy reading them:
    Servant And Master Sheets

  18. #6778

  19. #6779
    後継者 Successor zikari8's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by venomking View Post
    Um it's the sin of wraith, that's why it's name is wraith.

    - - - Updated - - -

    E- rank cause it can't effect masters or servants and can't do much damage even indirectly to servents it's make just a way to create chaos. Axe if hatred is a weapon that it's hatred into attack, useing the idea of fire representing hatred. It'll get more fleshed out in the fanfic. Also the master servant pact causes it to like it's master.
    Um... Venom, just for clarification, it's spelled WRATH, without an i.

    Quote Originally Posted by 4score7years View Post
    ok this is the one for me

    im officially being ken m'd
    I swear, I couldn't even make this shit up. The spirit of Ken M has blessed us all.


  20. #6780
    celestial prayer 34's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MehKitteh View Post
    I was summoned by someone posting an Indonesian sheet. To be honest, Dutch-hating Berserker Cut Nyak Dhien would fit more than an Islamic Berserker one. Note that her vow to kill Dutch Colonialists is driven by her rage because they killed her first husband.
    Yeah, but Cut Nyak Dhien's rage over the death of her 1st husband would fit more as an Avenger.

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