Okay, I'm back from a hiatus and have started another sheet.
Get ready, because the leader of the Shinsengumi is coming!
Okay, I'm back from a hiatus and have started another sheet.
Get ready, because the leader of the Shinsengumi is coming!
"Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"
(Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)
Well... I was busy, sorry. I won't be looking over every sheet since I came back but they all seem pretty cool in general.
These are my Servant and Master sheetsOriginally Posted by Daneel Rush
I hope you enjoy reading them:
Servant And Master Sheets
Thank you for the review.
About the Conqueror of Continents : Yes, it is actually pointless in a Holy Grail War between 7 Servants, it's only useful on war between armies or nations.
About Dread : Uhh... No. Gawain has E Charisma and it doesn't work like that. I know Altria Alter has it too, but it doesn't work quite like what I imagined.
About 1st NP : Yes, cavalry charge is boring, and I intend to keep it that way.
2nd NP : It's the former, i think.
3rd NP : Yeah, I will add the limitation.
Other : I personally don't like making too much description, i prefer to make it as simple as possible.
The sheet is now updated. Thanks again.
If you don't mind, can you review my Cortes sheet as well?
Last edited by 34; July 20th, 2017 at 06:58 PM.
Democracy’s First Defendant...Prince of Argos...Meal of the Erinyes
Source: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust....st_id=62907182
Class: Lancer
Alignment: Lawful Good
True Name: Orestes
Origin: Greece
Parameters
Strength: C+
Endurance: C
Agility: C
Mana: D
Luck: E
NP: B
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance: (D)
Magic Resistance grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.
Personal Skills:
Evaporation of Sanity: (C)
Evaporation of Sanity is a Skill that denotes that one's reasoning is disappearing, making it impossible to keep any secrets.
A Skill forced onto Lancer due to the incessant pursuit of the Furies. A madness that quickly wore down his wits, none of the people who heard his screams for help believed him, as the Furies were somehow invisible or else went unnoticed by others the entire time.
A paranoia that causes Lancer to voice his concerns about enemy movements no matter his environment, is forgetful of important things, etc. Luckily, the Skill also functions as Instinct. One is able to, to a degree, feel the optimal course of battle. Because Lancer’s “prime” could be considered to include the time after his madness was alleviated, this skill can be sealed through a Command Spell; however with the obvious loss of the secondary Instinct effects.
If summoned as a Berserker, this skill would be sublimated into Lancer’s Mad Enhancement.
Monstrous Strength: (D)
Monstrous Strength is a Skill that permits the augmentation of its holder's Strength parameter by one rank for a time limit determined by the ranking of this Skill. This Skill is borne from the holder's nature as a monster or Demonic Beast.
During the time of the Battle of the Fetters (circa 550 BC), the Spartans consulted the Oracle of Delphi for advice in conquering Arcadia. The Oracle stated that the Spartans would lose unless they moved the bones of Orestes to Spartan soil. Upon discovering the body, Heracles’ servant Lichas describes the skeleton as well over 10 feet tall, proving that Lancer had a modicum of giant blood in him. Whether this was simply a mutated physical exhibition of Lancer’s “drop in the bucket” Divinity he received from his great-grandfather Tantalus is unknown. Because it was never mentioned outright in any of the works featuring Orestes, and the tendency to make all major Greek heroes giants posthumously, Lancer’s rank is low. He can augment his strength for only a very short time.
Tipping the Scales: (A)
A Skill earned by being the prototype of all stories involving committing atrocious deeds under extenuating circumstances, and indirectly helping to create the Athenian judicial system.
So long as Lancer is able to keep his actions justifiably under what a “Lawful Good” alignment would consider appropriate--be it combat or decisions outside--Lancer can pass Will, Saving, and potentially even Luck checks with absolute ease. At this rank, it also functions as a passive increase to combat power.
However, the instant he strays from the path of Lawful Good, be it on accident due to his deteriorating sanity or through the machinations of his Master, this Skill is sealed instantly. Should Lancer’s knowledge of modern law fail him and his actions can be proved by implicit loophole, the Skill’s effects can be regained numerous times.
Noble Phantasm
Labrys Clytemnestra: (A Viper’s Retribution)
(Anti-Unit, B)
The two-sided axe that once belonged to Hippolyta, before Heracles stole it along with the more famous girdle to give to his then-master Omphale. An heirloom of the Lydian kings, Aeschylus is reputed to have given it to Clytemnestra as the instrument of Agamemnon’s murder. After Lancer murdered Clytemnestra, he took the axe for himself. If asked, he’ll say it’s because he wanted a constant reminder of the two-faced nature of his mother, much like the two-faced nature of the axe.
A weapon that’s become cursed by being soaked in the blood of revenge schemes, using it is not without risk. Upon activation, any stroke that Lancer makes with the axe will be mimicked by a “ghost” of the axe, made of potent curse magics. While the downswing of the actual axe is able to affect physical beings and Servants, the cursed backswing is able to affect magical beings more potently as a whole, eating away at whatever it comes in contact with like acid.
True to the tragic circle that was Lancer’s life, even his own Noble Phantasm will inevitably cause him pain. The more he uses the activated form of his axe without making contact with anything, the closer the cursed shadow backswing will get to Lancer himself, like a pendulum. Eventually, if he finds no prey to satisfy it, it will strike him down.
The axe also carries a small passive bonus against [Mother] type Servants.
History
Last edited by Express; July 20th, 2017 at 07:14 PM.
Kay
No Voyager of the Storm? He wasn't as much a sailor as some in that period, but I mean if you're giving him a boat...
also no Magic Resistance?
What's Conquistador do? Same kind of issue as that other one with Genghis. You say it enhances MT and Charisma, but more info would be good
Re: 2nd and 3rd NPs
2nd: IMO, Noble Phantasms should have flash. They're usually meant to be highlights, one of the ways that sheets stand apart from one another, the trump cards of their Servants. A damage upgrade to another NP is kind of...boring? I feel that there's gotta be more you can do there.
3rd: There are a couple of NPs that start to seem a little played out after a while here. This is an example of one of those, for me. It works for Gil, but it's not that interesting to see it done here. Perhaps more condensation would be better? As in, perhaps all that plundering could be condensed into a single item acting as the crystallization of all that somehow? That would give Cortes himself a little more to do, as well. I dunno, food for thought.
Last edited by 4score7years; July 20th, 2017 at 08:03 PM.
it's a canon skill, and that's literally all we know about it atm
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Its gameplay effect is Buster Up + Crit stars, so infer from that what you want
Thank you again.
About Skills : Yeah, no Voyager of Storm skill, the skill to operate a ship falls in Riding skill instead, he's mainly using a horse as rider. Conquistador skill is, like what I said in Conqueror of Continents, pretty pointless in a Holy Grail War of 7 Servants, it would be more applicable in a war between armies or nations.
About 2nd NP : Uh, yeah, i feel it's kinda dull as well. But it also activates the weaponry of his Expedition Ship, so that too.
3rd NP : Yeah, I have thought about it, but Cortez's Treasure is legendary, it's said that his treasures are so plenty that many games and movies about treasure hunting features his treasures. So, I give him that NP.
Last edited by 34; July 20th, 2017 at 08:24 PM.
For my own Conquistador Servant, I went with a "rank up to parameters in enemy territory, plus against enemies with the Golden Rule Skill" effect.
As you said though, the actual effects haven't been described in canon so really you can fit in whatever you want as long as it more-or-less fits the flavor text.
Here's my 4th servant sheet, this time is an Indonesian National Hero.
As always, comments or reviews will be greatly appreciated.
Class : Berserker
Alternate Classes : Saber, Assassin
Identity : Cut Nyak Dhien
Origin : Aceh, Indonesia
Alignment : Lawful Neutral
PARAMETER
STR : C+
END : C
AGL : B+
MGI : D
LCK : B
NP : C
CLASS SKILL
Mad Enchantment : D
Is the skill that characterizes the Berserker Class. Raising parameters, but hindering mental capacities. In some cases, in can also affect or even seal some skills or Noble Phantasms. At this rank, combat parameters are slightly raised, but conversation capability is limited, but still possible to some degree thanks to one of her personal skill.
PERSONAL SKILLS
Zealotry : B+
Is the skill that gives the person high mental strength and defense through a strong religious faith in something that is beyond the understanding of normal human. Berserker gained this skill because of her devotion and zealotry to the teaching of Islam, which fueled her will to resist the Dutch Colonialism. With this skill, she can resist and overcome various mental attacks, ranging from trauma to mental interference magecraft. At this rank, it is even possible to negate the effect of Mad Enchantment after reciting specific Qur’anic verse.
Subversive Activities : C
Is the skill to reduce or weaken the enemy forces before the battle even begin. A skill for those specialized in setting traps or guerrilla warfare. Berserker gained this skill because of the methods of resistance she attempted in her life, guerrilla warfare, using ambushes and traps to weaken the heavily armed Dutch Forces. The rank of this skill is actually higher, but was slightly lowered because of Berserker’s Mad Enchanment.
Battle Continuation : D++
Is the skill that allows continuation of combat after sustaining an injury, also reduces mortality rate from injury, which represents the ability to survive or the mentality of not knowing when to give up, consisting of one's resistance to predicament. Berserker gained this skill because of her determination to resist and fight the Dutch Colonialist even with her old age and various physical ailments.
Independent Action : C+
Is the ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master. At higher ranks, it is also possible to remain for extended periods of time in this world without an established contract. It is both useful and troublesome depending on the disposition of the Servant and the rank of Independent Action. Berserker gained this skill because of her continuous resistance against the Colonialist even with the lack of supplies, the decreasing soldiers and the death of her husband.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Rencong Cot Lantring
Blade of Firm Resistance
Rank : C+
Type : Anti-Unit
The special blade that Berserker uses as her main weapon. Rencong is the traditional weapon of the Acehnese, It’s used in their martial art and needs some degree of training to be used properly. This Noble Phantasm’s main strength is it’s speed combined with Berserker’s Agility.
The rencong is worn sheathed on the left hand side of the bearer. When it is used as a weapon, then it is usually drawn with the left foot forward so that by a quick short step forward with the right foot, the thrust of the knife receives added impetus. The blade is withdrawn from its sheath, cutting edge toward the enemy. It is then whipped to the right by a snap of the hand which brings the palm upward; the elbow is held fairly close to the body. The thrust is made by extending the right arm almost to full extension and turning the palm downward just prior to penetration of the target. In the hand of this Servant, it’s like a rapid, continous slashing and thrusting.
Acehnese say that the rencong takes the shape of the invocation, "Bismillaah In the name of God, the merciful and compassionate." The component parts of the rencong is likened to individual letters of the formal Arabic script huruf gundul, literally bare lettering, of the phrase Bismillaah (Basmala). As result, this weapon has some sort of divine blessing as result and is effective against demonic or maleficent beings. The spiritual nature of rencong also means it may only be used to defend against enemy attacks or to fight in the cause of Allah.
This Noble Phantasm has a special relation with it’s owner, when danger is nearby or Berserker is about to be attacked, the Rencong would give her an insight about the threat. This is from the legend and belief about the Rencong itself, which is believed by the Acehnese to have mystical powers and have spirit of its own.
History
Personality
Last edited by 34; July 22nd, 2017 at 12:28 AM.
Man, now you've started to pump out these servant sheets a real lot. Although I think Lawful Zealous is stretching it a bit, since even Zealot has her alignment as "Lawful Good".
I was summoned by someone posting an Indonesian sheet. To be honest, Dutch-hating Berserker Cut Nyak Dhien would fit more than an Islamic Berserker one. Note that her vow to kill Dutch Colonialists is driven by her rage because they killed her first husband.
Execute C:\local\lib\toh.exe?
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Dreams of swallow cuts.
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summs up a lot of my ironic weeaboo circles
Wraith: This is incredibly edgy. Also incredibly boring personality-wise, but that's pretty much unavoidable when the only concept involved is "HATE HATE HATE GRAAAARGH". And while I can't exactly criticize, I'm not entirely sure why you decided to make the giant raging murder-monster a girl. Oh and if you want some actual critique, Seething Hatred should really just be Mana Burst (Flames) with a unique description, rather then an entirely different Skill.
It's not a he or a she, please ing or the she
part, that why I called it they throu most of the sheet.
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And there that way because there a last resort for the "new hero" in my current fanfic.
Basicly I'm wanting the servants critiqued before I use em or introduce them.
Last edited by venomking; July 23rd, 2017 at 04:16 PM.
Criticism on Wraith:
True Name: I'm not actually sure why the name is wraith. A wraith is an ephemeral presence, akin to a ghost. It doesn't have a particular connection to hatred.
Class: I suppose Berserker works, though perhaps Avenger would be better
Likes: Why does it like its master at all if it's the embodiment of hatred?
Background: Hmm... not sure if the embodiment of hatred qualifies for a heroic spirit. Maybe if it was attributed to a specific person or figure who is empowered by the embodiment of the world's hatred i.e. Angra Mainyu is all the world's evil, but hatred itself seems like it's too vague. Even when you consider it as a servant that cannot be summoned normally, it's still pretty weak of a concept.
Personality: As said, why does it not hate its master? Also why are food and money exempt from hatred? I'm sure there are people who have hated food and money so the embodiment of all hatred should do so as well, no?
Personal Skills: I feel like Insanity and Endless Bloodlust can be included into Mad Enhancement and don't need to be their own skills. Seething Hatred could probably be flavored better.
All the Hatred in the World: Could probably explain the effects of the noble phantasm better. Sure, it's the embodiment of hatred but why does that make other people angry? Even a simple reason like the fact that hatred leads to more hatred can be used to help flavor it out. Also seems pretty powerful for an E-rank noble phantasm
Axe of Hatred: Seems out of nowhere. Could use some explanation for where it comes from, as in what the origin of it being a flaming axe comes from.
General Remarks: As always, I encourage you to do an elementary proofreading of your writing. Sentences start with capitalized letters. Sentences are separated by periods rather than commas. If a sentence is getting really long, consider how one may rephrase it to make it easier to read or maybe consider making it two sentences. Spelling is important.
Other than these things, please keep up the work.
Um it's the sin of wraith, that's why it's name is wraith.
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E- rank cause it can't effect masters or servants and can't do much damage even indirectly to servents it's make just a way to create chaos. Axe if hatred is a weapon that it's hatred into attack, useing the idea of fire representing hatred. It'll get more fleshed out in the fanfic. Also the master servant pact causes it to like it's master.
ok this is the one for me
im officially being ken m'd
Last edited by 4score7years; July 23rd, 2017 at 05:16 PM.
Servant Identity
Appearance
Skills
Noble Phantasms
Last edited by sherlock1110; July 23rd, 2017 at 05:25 PM.
These are my Servant and Master sheets
Servant And Master Sheets
Um... Venom, just for clarification, it's spelled WRATH, without an i.
I swear, I couldn't even make this shit up. The spirit of Ken M has blessed us all.
Yeah, but Cut Nyak Dhien's rage over the death of her 1st husband would fit more as an Avenger.
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