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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #9901
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    That grimhild is kinda generic, there are so much more to her legend that could be incorporated to the sheet, and things in the sheet that could be expanded upon. As it stands, it fells like a single skill and not really a sheet.


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

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  2. #9902
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Anyone has anything on my Berseker?


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

    Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
    Fate / White Memoria

  3. #9903
    死徒 Dead Apostle Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    Anyone has anything on my Berseker?
    Your Berserker is pretty good ! Tonight or tomorow i will reveal my insanest creation ,my Avenger !
    Where i dont hold myself back !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  4. #9904
    神秘 Obscure Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    Anyone has anything on my Berseker?
    I'm not too sure if Cassandra really qualifies as a Berserker, and I feel that she would be closer to a Caster. I'm also not too fond of Mad Enhancement (False), given that the closest canon examples to Berserkers who aren't mad have been Kintoki (who isn't like that most of the time), Beowulf (who can go Berserk, but isn't nuts) and maybe the EX-guys.

    The skills also sound pretty derivative.
    Curse of the Gods might work better than Disaffection of the Gods (seeing as that just sounds like a rehashed Affections of the Goddess - I'd like you to imagine a Skill named Eye of the Body (True) as another example of badly named derivative (at least name-wise) skill).
    Looks of pitifulness might as well be a reverse-Masochistic Constitution, although I don't get what part of her legend that's based on.
    Herald of Doom would also sound better (if, well, doomy) than Hero's doommaiden (which name-wise looks too similar to Hero's Handmaiden).
    She might also benefit from having Revelation, given that that's basically prophecy.

    I also think her legend doesn't merit three whole Noble Phantasms. As I've understood it, NPs are mostly based on major or recurring elements, themes or weaponry associated with the Heroic Spirit in question. The box, which only has an offhand mention in one version of her myth doesn't really qualify for that.
    Something dealing with Ajax's sacrilege thing would work as a Noble Phantasm, though. Some kind of curse from the gods maybe? As for the prophecy bit, I think it should be noted that it was originally a gift, and the disbelief part was added later as a curse.

    Something to that effect, anyway.
    Last edited by Shiki-pon; March 25th, 2018 at 04:27 PM.

  5. #9905
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Personally, I'd make Disaffection of the Gods be fully negative and not make it grant an Endurance boost
    Last edited by King of Padoru; March 25th, 2018 at 05:07 PM.

  6. #9906
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    I also think her 3 NPs are kind of a stretch, I would do away with her Look of Pitifulness skill and make the Palladion NP a skill instead.
    All three of them seem more like skills than Noble Phantasms to me though, so I think it would be better to just make a new one.

  7. #9907
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Thanks, your feedback has being colected.


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

    Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
    Fate / White Memoria

  8. #9908
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    That grimhild is kinda generic, there are so much more to her legend that could be incorporated to the sheet, and things in the sheet that could be expanded upon.
    Okay, then give me some examples.

  9. #9909
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Her name means "battle helmet" that could account for something, she was also the one gave sigmund the love potion for him to forget bryn and marry her daughter, and even got the guy to help her son marry yandere lancer.


    here is a list of my servant sheets(new and improved format for my servant sheets)

    Come explore the White Library, and reach the bottom of this Abyss
    Fate / White Memoria

  10. #9910
    Dead Apostle Eater Historia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the god of world-0 View Post
    Her name means "battle helmet" that could account for something, she was also the one gave sigmund the love potion for him to forget bryn and marry her daughter, and even got the guy to help her son marry yandere lancer.
    The meaning of her name has no bearing on her qualities as a Heroic Spirit / Servant. The potion(s) and their potency is the reason for Item Construction being A-ranked. I could incorporate them into her Noble Phantasm, or create a second one from it, but, something better -- which I tried to work the sheet around and don't care enough to expand on at this very moment -- is her being the main cause as to why everyone in the Saga died tragically. Her intentions might've been good, but, her actions were so evil that, well... Some parents just like to watch the world burn, I suppose.
    Last edited by Historia; March 26th, 2018 at 02:35 PM.

  11. #9911
    死徒 Dead Apostle Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Here is my Avenger and at the same time one of my insanest creations ...


    Identity: Goliath
    Title:Avenger of the Paganism
    Heigh:
    2,83 meter
    Weight: 175~
    kg
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral (?)
    Attribute:
    Earth,Demon
    Origin: Today Israel
    Likes: The truth behind the Things, Elephants,His Kin,to look at the Ocean.
    Dislikes: David,The Wrongness and actual state of the World,
    Talents: Hunting,His Tribes-rites,to tell fairy-tales
    Natural enemy: David,Monos

    Parameters
    Strength: A
    Endurance: B-
    Agility:
    B
    Luck: C
    Mana:
    A++
    NP: EX


    Background
    Goliath the world of the Gigantism and most famous Philistine.He was within his tribe and their former allies known as Hero on the scale similar to the great Greek Heros Achilleus or Herakles because he rescued the known World from the second return of Typhon and against Behemoth.At one Occasion he was mistaken for Herakless.Towards his clansmen he acted not unlike Siegfried .Later was he similar like his Tribes demonized by the other tribes .Finally he suffered a similar fate like Karna..

    His Demise:the first Stepping Stone was as Goliath and his tribe wage a revenge war against a former ally tribe who slaught their childrenn as Goliath and the others were at a other battlefield,this war was the beginning of their demonification and as short before Goliath killed the tribes leader called a curse upon Goliath and his tribe .Slowly became the Philistinian a isolated tribe and a pestilence killed many members . Goliath was weakened as he faced David and the holy Will of Yahwe and the curse of the Philistines (and also the loosening power of Goliaths own Gods) took his part in his demise so became Davids Hamesh Avanim was the last Piece of the puzzle of demise.


    Personality
    He was before the slaughtering and imputation of his tribe and his loose against the in reality weaker David a noble Warrior that could be compared with Herakless or Karna in term of personality and Honor Feeling .He was a proud Member of the Philistine tribe and the slaughtering of his Friends and Famile also his loose against David has crushed all his values and is the present reason for his Hatred on the current state of the World out of this reason he is willing to cooperate with Rebells or sworn enemys of the current state of the world.But even then he wouldnt kill Children even when they praying on the Christian God because he know that they are only the result of their environment.But should his Masser be a believing Christ he would have no hesitations to kill him,but despite his hatred against christs he s able to suppress his hatred to a certain degree and can act pragmatic should it be neccesary,but should he once see David he wouldnt be stoppable without a Reiju.


    Skills
    Class skills:
    Avenger :C
    is a Class Skill of the Avenger class, representing the state of an Avenger as one that gathers people's hatreds and grudges onto oneself. It is easier for one to accumulate hatred and resentment. The rate of mana generation becomes higher when receiving damage.
    Self-Replenishment (Mana): C
    One's magical energy endlessly surges until their revenge is accomplished. Recovers a minuscule amount of magical energy every turn.
    under normal circumstances it is only a middle effective skill but against Christian servants it becomes the rank A equvalvent.
    Memory Correction :B
    People are creatures that forget many things, but an Avenger never forgets. The critical effect of Avengers who attack from beyond one's memory is strengthened.
    He will never Forget the shame of his lose against David.
    Personal skills:
    Infernality:A+
    This skill represent his inhuman Origin similar also emulate it a Divinty skill B+ gants him high resistence against attacks of Divine interferences liké in his cases Curses ,Dark Arts andHoly Forces also is this skill linked with his Philistinai Infernalis Hougu.
    Battle Coninuation:A++
    The High Rank of this skill is the sublimated will to never...NEVER endure the shame of his lose of his Warriors-pride again .
    Even When his spiritual core is damaged,he suffer lethal Wounds and even if is ripped a arm of he will continue to fight until his complete destruction.

    Glory of the holy Past:C
    This skill represent his Long forgotten Grace of his Heroic deeds where he was famed as Holy savior when he slew many Beasts like a Hydra ,Dragons or the Divine Behemoth .
    Ist effect can be compared with Gilles war saint order ,but as Avenger this skill provide only a slightly bost.

    Unyielding Will:Ex
    It is a Skill that represents ones extremely firm will that never yields to any sort of agony, despair or circumstances.
    His high rank is justified by his unshatered Will ,unregarded the circumstances was ir pestilence ,Traumata or else.
    At this Rank it give a A + modifier for Battle Continuation and Bravery and also has it the same effect as Poison Resistence C and Magic Resistence C

    Bravery:A
    This is the crystalisation of ones Brave-deeds.In Goliaths case its high rank is justified by his pestilence proven unhattered mind




    Noble Phantasm

    Cherev shel afel ketz
    (Sword of the Dark Demise)
    Barakium

    Type:
    Anti-Fortress
    Rank: A++
    Range: 1~99
    Description:
    A Demonic Sword that is derived from Baal ,it is a Blackish Sword that was once wielded through Baal and after he recite Vestri Deus est Baal are burst Black Crimson Flames out of the Sword and he is able to attack his Opponents with a Sea of Flames.It is the primarily Version of Siegfrieds Balmung because once fought Baal with it against Odin and lost against him and the sword broke in two halves one halv took Odin and made a new Version of which Name was derived from the combination of ist invocation chant and Name Vestri deus est Baal.


    char'tom shel b'makor el
    hiym
    (Bow of the originally Gods)
    Dagan

    Type:
    Anti-Settlement
    Rank: A++
    Range: 1~99
    Maximum number of targets:
    1000

    Description:
    Is the divine Bow of the Philistinian-tribe and Goliath is able to Wield him because his ancestry towards Dagan and Baal himself.
    After the chant o Dagan its Arrow become empowered by Daganspower and become Thunders or Flamespehres .or that they cast curses on the Area they fall or the Enemy.
    Although Goliath has Through Philistinai infernalis acces to his Bow he can use only as Archer its full potencial (his Acces to the capabilities of the Bow as Avenger is 5/10)

    Through Philistinai Infernalis he has acces to the Bow in almost every class but except his basic skills are his "intern"capabilities sealed but Goliath is able to enhance the Arrows through either Philistinai Infernalis
    or Derketo Grace.


    Armor of the primeval Beast
    Nih'oshet Shir'yon
    Type: Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank: C
    Range: Self 
    Description:
    This is Goliaths well known Bronce Armor although Bronce doesnt Hearing outstanding depending on the current class it is able to reduce the taken damage at maximun 70%
    He has two weaknesses first:it doesnt protect against forehead directed attacks and its extent of the Damage reduction is depending on the current class and its blessed by Derketo due to this its also protected against Rust and the Armor funtion also as catalyst to invoke Derketos Grace at a faster pace.

    mer'kavah min ha zed kadosh
    (Chariot of the unholy Announcement)
    Drakhios Horridikhor

    Type:
    Anti-Army
    Rank: A++
    Range: Near to wide
    Maximum number of targets:
    1000
    Description:
    This is a Dragon drawn Chariot which is 8 meter long in total and is dark gold colored,spiked with blackish blades and the Wyfern are crimson colored and can be seperated from the Chariot and fight independet both wyvern can attack with their Claws,Horns and jaws. use a Dragonfire-breath qand can shot lithnig from the Thorns and claws. He can by invoke the true Name execute a Ram attack.Both wyferns are descendents from the Leviathan and one of the "Childrenns" of Derketo which possesed once a Earth Mother like Status .

    Laboras/Lazarke
    Type:

    Anti-Army/Anti-Unit
    Rank: A+(?)
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:

    ist original Name was Lazarke and was a dark turkish spear and had a Divination ability with which it absorbed over the centuries the souls of the exorcised Demons so methamorped into a a dark spiked Lance and ist Name become the Laboras ,the strongest of the contained demons.Due to the massive Demonic and divine energy within himself is Laboras able to take a reverse and cause effect to take reaction .after chant the real Name Glasya Laborras he can shot a stream of massive Darkness .Also is he able to reanimate /summon the Demon witthin his Spear for a limited amount of time ,whoose Keep their own will but follow Goliath and his Master out of solidarity to a extend and have individual abilities on their own and varying strenght,but also during the duration of the freed Demons is the Spears power declining.Due to the Massive Demonic Energy in it it is able to use a great amount of offensive and defensive curses even ome with reverese and cause effects.

    out side the Lancer and Avenger class has Goliath as Archer and Rider through Philistinai infernalis Acces to the original Spear Lazarke.

    Lazarke:

    It has some certain similarity in Terms of appearances to northern european spears like Gae Dearg ,his powers are the Control of storms as strong that the spear gives his wielder a Water- and Storm Mana Blast,upon revealing his true Name it forms a storm vortex around it and upon thrown at the enemy it pierced the foe and even if he dodge it he will be cut from the vortex blade like vortexes.Should be available a large water Body like a great sea or the ocean and thhrown through the Water of it or from underwater becomes the impactforce equal to Anti-Country .

    Blessings of the Goddes of the Seas
    Derketo Grace


    Type:
    Divine-Assistence
    Rank: A(As Avenger/depends on the current class)(EX:Rider/C:Berserker/B-:Lancer/Archer:B/Saber:B+)
    Range:
    Maximum number of targets:

    Description:
    Depending on the rank it has different capabilities.
    Upon pray to Derketo he can evoke Fish shaped projectils summon Sea themed familiars like: as Golem functioning Crustaceans,Seabirds as Scut or combat or partly amphibianic Fishbeasts ,healing and the Control over Water ,thanks to it he can if requested/neccesary even as Berserker walk on the Water. During his lfe Goliath was a Highpriest of Derketo and due to his praying ,his Disposition and also a vow to her he got the Blessings and love from Derketo.

    Derketo:Goliath.....my Dear now that you was granted a second Chance use her ....let us shinne our glory again...use my powers and childrenn to get a triumphfull victory...fufu~


    Sin´ah min ha ne'elam el
    ֹhiym
    (Hatred of the vanished Gods)
    Philistinai Infernalis

    Type:
    Anti-Holy
    Rank: EX(As Avenger/depends on the curent class)(Rider:B-/Lancer:B+/Archer:B/Berserker:C/Saber:A)
    Range: ?
    Maximum number of targets:
    ?
    Description:
    This is the sublimated contract and support of the through the Christian World executed Creatures especially the Demons or to be more exact the Deities that lost their Might and Existence as Gods and Goddesses that lot their physical Existence as Deities during the Age of Gods and was forced to become dependet on the Humans to reincarnated into "Creatures" that are now called Demons.
    Based on the current Rank ist either merely a Parameter boster or a highly Potent powervault.
    as Avenger its his Main-nobelphantasm he has the full Acces to the Benefitts of this Hougu namely the capability to use every from the Christchurch extinguished Magecraft and Sorcery types like Highly Destructive Demoncraft,High Dark-Rituals and Curses,or Magecraft that has be extinguished by the Church . Also allows it him acces to his other Hougu and also to the Elemt of the Darkness.


    Information and notes
    1:Each class of him represent a different aspect of his being/selv
    Archer:this is the/his Aspect as Philistinian tribesman.
    Saber:This is his aspect as Warrior of Baal.
    Rider:This is his aspect of the Follower of Derketo.
    Berserker:This is his most know aspect as Raging Giant of the Bible.
    Avenger:This is his Return as Revenger of the victims of the Christchurch

    2:

    Notes:
    The Seven are the Symbol of the seven biblical Sins/Virtues.


    Relationships
    David:RRRRHGGHH You Little fool ...as we faced each other i was onl a shadow of myself but now it is different i will now demonstrate you my real power !

    Boudica:You defended your Homeland against foreign intruders and must bear inconceivably shames and pain ,i feel your pain in my heart

    Karna:When i heard your fate i am reminded on myself ..but your somehow different on the other Hand..

    Jeanne:You "Holy" Vixen of Yahwe you denies that you are a so called "Holy saint" but in my eyes you just a slave of yahwe that lost its own will .

    Artoria:You are symbolized as the Iconic of the Christs but i feel that it wasnt the case and that you feeled burdens i cant fully comprehend.







    Other Qualifying Classes :Saber,Lancer,Rider,Berserker,Archer
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; April 9th, 2018 at 08:42 AM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  12. #9912
    Hey! Are you ready to go? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Goliath (WIP): Holy crap that number of NPs. Even with it being still unfinished, I can already tell this guy is massively over-wanked. And where are you getting the legend of him defeating Typhon and Behemoth from?

  13. #9913
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Goliath was just a big guy that wanted a 1 versus 1 and was defeated with a fucking stone, why should he be like this?

  14. #9914
    神秘 Obscure Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Somehow, I'm not surprised. Only disappointed.

    Do you just habitually ask for advice or do you ask for it because its so fun to ignore it afterwards?

  15. #9915
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Please check your grammar and spelling again before finishing the sheet.

  16. #9916
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiki-pon View Post
    Somehow, I'm not surprised. Only disappointed.

    Do you just habitually ask for advice or do you ask for it because its so fun to ignore it afterwards?
    He asked you too?

  17. #9917
    神秘 Obscure Shiki-pon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Padoru View Post
    He asked you too?
    He did (though the question was aimed at everyone). Wasn't worth the effort, clearly.

  18. #9918
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    I get you. I'd love to know how David could defeat that Goliath when his parameters are C-D-B-C-A-B and Hamesh Avanim's rank is C.

    Now, I don't know about the other skills since they aren't explained yet, but why is Battle Continuation at EX rank? Only King Hassan has it at that rank

  19. #9919
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Dudes, the block function is there.

  20. #9920
    Hey! Are you ready to go? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    Dudes, the block function is there.
    The block function isn't much help when you tend to browse the forum logged-off like I do. Not that I'm angry at Koga enough to want to block him anyway.

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