Create-A-Servant 2

[Valfodr]

The lack of First Nations sheets is particularly perplexing given that there's quite a few figures with potential. They do sometimes share the African folklore figures' problem of the stories themselves being pretty hard to parse, so that might be a reason.

Frankly, thats the same issue I've encountered with Chrysaor. The result is that I have to make up about 97% of his story then create a plausible excuse for why there is so little info around.

[the god of world-0]

"Water in the sky, sky in the water. In the sky of the moon is a shattered sea."

Class: Caster
Alignment: True/good
Region: Moon
Height: 167cm
Weight: 52kg
Likes: Music, humans, full moon nights
Dislikes: solitude, silence, being abandoned
Talent: terraforming
Armaments: coral
Natural Enemy: Brunestud of the crimson moon

stats

Str: A
End: A
Agi: C
Mna: EX
Lck: A
NP: EX

Skills

class skills

Item Construction(A): Caster is capable of reproduce any naturally occurring element simply by rearranging the molecules in the air. However, she has trouble with inate magical objectes, requiring further time and energy.

Territory creation(N/A): This skill was lost in favor of Terraforming.

personal skills

Transfiguration(A): A Skill that allows one's stats to be situationally distributed based on a fixed pool of creation points. It is a special Skill due to one being an Automatic Doll.  Each parameter consume from the pool of creation points the following respective values: A-7, B-6, C-5, D-4, E-3. From A to A+ the cost rises. That is, two ranks worth of points is necessary

Core Of The Goddess(Artificial)(A): Caster is a artificial lifeform created to keep the lunar people. A goddess of the moon made by humans in a time where science had surpassed magic. It basically has the same advantages and disadvantages of regular Core Of The Goddess outside some specifics situations.

Terraforming(EX): Caster is was the core of a system that allowed human life in the sterile world that is the moon. As such, she can turn any territory, no matter what, into something adequate for a human. A skill that reshapes the world to repreduce certain fenomena, it is scarily similar to what is called a Marble Phantasm.

Ultimate one(False)(A): Caster was created using a certain True Ancestor as a blueprint, as such she has inherited this skill. In theory, by receiving back up from the planet, one's specs becomes one class above the opposing enemy's. However, Caster doesn't have the help of the planet and as such, must cover the costs on her own.

Noble phantasm

Coral Of The Moon

Tsuki No Sango

rank: Anti-world, EX

Caster's Noble phantasm allows her to spawn reefs of coral around her. They reefs glow with a soft blue light and produce a strange but calming humming song. The coral is actually part of her, and can serve as receptors of information or as extenders of her reach.
While Caster can just create branches at will, by calling the Noble Phantasm's name, she can induce a rapid expansion up to the size of and island. When this happens, the coral will start producing high amounts of hydrogen and oxygen, saturating the atmosphere. Furthermore, the natural mana in the air will start to rapidly decay and dissipate, causing most forms of Magecraft to be inutilized.
The ultimate tool of terraforming, it gains it's classification of Anti-world for the fact that it rewrites the very own texture of the planet. While it causes harm in a world of claimed by life, in a world of death it would allow for civilization to thrive.

Background

While the original intentions was to summon Princess Kaguya, from the famous "The tale of the bamboo cutter", it seems that the grail instead called a completely different being. A heroic spirit not from the past, but from a possible future. In the lack of a appropriate name, she will answer by Kaguya.
Caster is not human. She is an artificial being who's body is mostly composed of something resembling silicon. She was created by the humans who where colonizing the moon as a

Artificial Brain

Vessel of the soul

of the satellite. However, by the time she awoke, their civilization had already fallen by a reason lost to time.
And so she stayed, alone in the location called the Sea of shadows, diligently performing her duty on maintaining the moon's various systems on in the off chance the humans ever came back. For her surprise, a human would indeed show up. A man who climbed up to the moon in search of isolation.
He would spark something within her and she would start to change, gradually becoming more human. They ware separated by a language barrier, unable to actually communicate with each other, and yet they feel in love.
But miscommunication would be their downfall, as the man mistook her love for a desire to see and be like a human. On the other side, her transformation was causing Caster to gradually lose control of the moon's systems. So he put her in a rocket and send her to earth, staying behind with the solitude he was looking for in the first place.
Now, why the grail could not summon Princess Kaguya is not known. Maybe the real one can't be called for some reason, or maybe the character named Kaguya is completely fictional. In any case, the grail probably just choose the next closest candidate.

personality

Just like her appearance, Caster's personality is utterly pure.
She acts with innocence and is filled with boundless curiosity, which together with her childish friendliness, generally strongly enchants or completely repels people depending on their outlook on life.
Despite her apparent naivete, there is still a sense of ethereal graciousness and pride. In fact, she is a lot smart then her personality sujest, but is not use to human's and their concepts. Even if she is lied to or cheated, she is much more likely to become sad rather then angry.
While she doesn't actually remember him, she is still in love with that man. Any suitors will find thenselfs in a hopeless situation.

[Shiki-pon]

FC Link
Alternate Classes: Caster, Assassin
True Name: Tokugawa Yoshimune
Alignment: Lawful Good
Origin: Japan (17th century)
Armament: Sword

Parameters:
STR: C
END: D
AGI: B
MANA: D+
LUCK: A
NP: B

Skills

Class Skills

Magic Resistance - Rank D: Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

Riding - Rank C: A Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. Rider-class Servants will typically possess a high rank. It is said that dragon type mounts are an exception, requiring a different ability other than Riding.
Most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts. Saber possesses no anecdotes regarding his Riding, so he only receives an average rank in this Skill.

Personal Skills

Era Observation - Rank C+: A Skill that observes not humans, but the flow of the eras.
Through his loosening of his country’s borders, Saber attained greater knowledge of his era than any ruler that had come before him. In accordance with this fact and the intelligence services under his employ, he is afforded with this Skill.

Eye for Art (Sword) - Rank A++: A variation of the Eye for Art Skill, born from the user’s obsession with artistic blades.
If Saber happens to see a sword (whether a Noble Phantasm or an ordinary blade), there is an extremely high chance that he will be able to figure out the True Name of either the weapon or its user.

Oniwaban - Rank A+: A Skill that represents the power of the Oniwaban. The Oniwaban are a group of twenty familiars, taking a human shape. Though they originated as mere inspectors, they eventually became seen as a personal guard formed from ninja.
Saber attains this Skill due to his act of founding the organization. The familiars, though decently skilled and possessing individual personalities, are no match for Servants even as a group. They do, however, have peerless skills in information gathering and can hide their presence from all but the most perceptive of Servants. The Oniwaban also have access to many varieties of deadly poison, though Saber forbids their usage.

Noble Phantasms

The Grand Sword Catalogue

Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō

Anti-Sword, Rank C+

Saber’s Noble Phantasm under his current class, though an incomplete one by his own reckoning. It was originally a catalogue of high-quality swords, counting within its contents the greatest of Japan’s swords. Though he possesses the original copy as a Servant, he knows its contents by heart, having little need for the book itself. Facing other Heroic Spirits, he wishes to add the blades of legend he will face to the tally.
In accordance with his current class, Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō allows Saber to manifest a copy of the blades his book has catalogued. Though they possess all the ability and keenness that the real ones had, the copy’s rank will be C+ at the highest. If he copies a Noble Phantasm, Saber can only utilize attacks innate to the sword itself, as he is not the weapon’s true owner.

Description

Likes: Quality swords, well-kept gardens
Dislikes: Manifesting as a Saber, mass-production
Talents: Financial management, sword appraisal
Natural Enemy: EMIYA

Saber’s true identity is Tokugawa Yoshimune, the Unfettered Shogun.

Though history regards Yoshimune as a steady, considerate reformer, his manifestation as a Servant has unleashed an excitable youth instead. As he is a huge fan of swords, particularly those of high quality and possessing a glorious history, participating in a Holy Grail War is a dream come true for him. However, he is simultaneously less than pleased with the fact that he has been summoned as a Saber, and as such has less of an opportunity to sample the swords of other Heroic Spirits.
Yoshimune, being a sword-maniac to the core, applies much of the terminology of sword appraisal to other fields, and might speak of someone’s appearance or ability using the same terminology as one would use when describing a sword. Despite his seemingly excitable and immature nature, he is a superb administrator, and would do well in a commanding role. Outside of swords, he has a fondness for gardens and parks, well-kept ones in particular, and often sends out his Oniwaban to manage disheveled gardens should they have no other important tasks to attend to.
As many Heroic Spirits are famous for their use of swords, Yoshimune expects to meet the owners of famous swords. Though he himself would be the only Saber in a regular Holy Grail War, he remains optimistic as to the prospect of meeting swordsmen. He has less of an interest towards other kinds of Servants, though he is not immune to the sense of wonder that Heroic Spirits that can marshal mighty spells or great beasts can conjure.
Yoshimune serves his Master as loyally as he is able, though he balks at dishonourable tactics. He greatly respects lineage, whether that of a noble or that of a magus, and would likely enjoy serving under a Master with a fine pedigree.
As can be expected, Yoshimune’s wish to the Holy Grail would be for his catalogue to completed, so that Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō would contain records of all swords of great quality that have ever existed.

Lore

Tokugawa Yoshimune, the eighth Tokugawa shogun, is considered one of Japan’s greatest rulers. His far-reaching reforms totally reshaped the central administrative structure and temporarily halted the decline of the shogunate.
Yoshimune was originally the head of Kii, one of the three hereditary Japanese feudal fiefs ruled by descendants of the original Tokugawa ruler not in the main line of succession to the shogunate. A lack of sons in the main branch of the family, however, resulted in Yoshimune’s succession to the position of shogun in 1716. Upon assuming his new office, he tried to institute the program he had used successfully in Kii to alleviate that fief’s monetary problems. He began by reducing the number of hereditary governmental retainers, who were paid fixed governmental stipends. To slow the increase in their numbers, he refused to allow most inheritances past the first generation. He also attempted to set a good example by eliminating court luxuries and returning to the simple and austere life of the Tokugawa founder. At the same time, he tried to improve the quality of the administration and to raise national morale by instituting a vigorous program of education for all his subordinates, designed to improve their literary skills and to imbue them with the old warrior values of discipline and leadership. Finally, he adopted methods designed to combat corruption.
Since the chief source of revenue was the tax on agricultural produce, Yoshimune attempted to increase crop yields by developing new land and popularizing new crops, such as sweet potatoes and sugarcane, that could be grown in soil not used for rice cultivation. In an effort to find other sources of income, he licensed commercial monopolies and attempted to regulate rice prices. But his limitation on trade merely had a depressing effect on the economy. While his reforms did revitalize the government, his reputation as one of the greatest of Japanese reformers has been questioned because his efforts resulted in little more than a temporary respite; following his reign, corruption and inefficiency again became rampant.
Yoshimune also tried to resurrect the Japanese swordsmithing tradition. Since the beginning of the Edo period, it was quite difficult for smiths to make a living and to be supported by daimyōs, because of the lack of funds. But Yoshimune was quite unhappy with this situation, causing a decline of skills. And so, he gathered smiths from daimyō fiefs for a great contest, in 1721. The four winners who emerged were all great masters, Mondo no Shō Masakiyo, Ippei Yasuyo, the 4th generation Nanki Shigekuni and Nobukuni Shigekane. But it did not work well to arouse interest, quite like tournaments in modern Japan.
Yoshimune also ordered the compilation of Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō, listing the best and most famous swords all over Japan. This book allowed the beginning of the Shinshintō period of Nihontō history, and indirectly contributed to the Gassan school, who protected the Nihontō tradition before and after the surrender of Japan.
Although foreign books had been strictly forbidden since 1640, Yoshimune relaxed the rules in 1720, starting an influx of foreign books and their translations into Japan, and initiating the development of Western studies, or rangaku. Yoshimune's relaxation of the rules may have been influenced by a series of lectures delivered before him by the astronomer and philosopher Nishikawa Joken.

[Gray]

Caster of the Moon:
Haven't read Tsuki No Sango but it's an interesting sheet.
How does the transfiguration work when you have an EX value?
Can she just manipulate all her non-Mana parameters?
If she's based on Arc is she a Vampire?
Yoshimune:
Interesting take on another person obsessed with swords.
Nice to see it despite his gimmick being about a sword collection and copying it isn't inherently made to be EMIYA but better as I've seen others do.
Not clear how many swords he can manifest at once or if he can regenerate them in any way but that's usually unclear. I'd have tried sublimating the tournament to be part of the book, say he could maybe specify a "challenge" in terms of type of sword he'd want made by writing in the book. The book would then simulate the tournament and could give out some custom E or D-rank blades that fit the description.

Considering he disliked the decline in swordsmithing tradition but wasn't necessarily successful in reviving the prominence of the art would have noted older swords from his collection cost more.

[Shiki-pon]

Yoshimune:
Interesting take on another person obsessed with swords.
Nice to see it despite his gimmick being about a sword collection and copying it isn't inherently made to be EMIYA but better as I've seen others do.
Not clear how many swords he can manifest at once or if he can regenerate them in any way but that's usually unclear. I'd have tried sublimating the tournament to be part of the book, say he could maybe specify a "challenge" in terms of type of sword he'd want made by writing in the book. The book would then simulate the tournament and could give out some custom E or D-rank blades that fit the description.

Considering he disliked the decline in swordsmithing tradition but wasn't necessarily successful in reviving the prominence of the art would have noted older swords from his collection cost more.

I would assume the tournament thingy might be his NP as a Caster, as it isn't a very direct application of his legend.
As for the additional cost of older (and/or better) swords, I suppose that's implied as higher ranked weapons are obviously more costly to produce. He has no limit to the number of swords he can manifest at a time outside of the constraints of available magical energy, but he can't control them except by wielding them in his hands. He can recreate a broken sword as long as he knows what it was like, as the produced version is a copy to begin with. No duplicates of duplicates, though.

[the god of world-0]

Caster of the Moon:
Haven't read Tsuki No Sango but it's an interesting sheet.
How does the transfiguration work when you have an EX value?
Can she just manipulate all her non-Mana parameters?
If she's based on Arc is she a Vampire?

Her Transfiguration is exactly the same as Enkidu's and no, she is not a vampire nor a goddess nor a type. I guess she is like a very, VERY powerful golem but honestly, i don't exactly know what she is because, even if a read Tsuki no sango several times, it's not the most clear stuff.

[RoydGolden]

Servant Archer:

Appearance:

Source

True Name: Lamech

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength- A
Agility- D
Endurance- B
Mana- B
Luck- D
NP- B

Personality

A wild and boisterous old man. Despite his elderly years Archer's insatiable appetite for the finer things in life hasn't dulled at all. He enjoys feasting in excess, fighting, and flirting with women, sometimes all at once. Archer takes a special fondness for alcohol, which didn't exist in his era, going as far as to call it one of humanity's greatest inventions.

He's quite boastful and quarrelsome, often picking fights with anyone who angers him. Archer dislikes young people who expect him to be weak just because he's old, and will gladly disabuse them of that notion in battle. Archer is also rather bloodthirsty, revelling in the thrill of the hunt. He considers enemy Servants in the Grail War to be no different than the animals he hunted in life, legendary

heroes

beasts

that will bring great glory once he kills them.

While normally hedonistic and amoral Archer has one redeeming feature, which is his deep love towards his son Tubalcain. Archer doted on the boy greatly, and was tormented by guilt after accidentally killing him. When talking about Tubalcain Archer's demeanour shifts to that of a proud father eagerly praising his son's accomplishments. Archer also shows a soft spot for children, due to them reminding him of Tubalcain. To them he acts like a kindly and doting grandpa who'd happily shower them in snacks and toys. Naturally, Archer's wish on the Holy Grail is to revive his beloved son.

Likes: hunting, fighting, hearty feasting and drink, women, his son Tubalcain, children in general
Dislikes: being underestimated because of his age, moralists who try and tell him what to do, those who'd kill children
Talent: hunting
Natural Enemy: Noah

Class Skills:

Independent Action- C
The ability to sustain oneself in the World without a supply of magical energy from one's Master. At this rank, one can linger in the World for one day in the absense of an active contract.

Magic Resistance- C
Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank, spells with a chant below two verses are nullified. Cannot cope against the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals. Archer lived at the dawn of the Age of Gods, when mythic beasts roamed the earth freely and the air itself was pregnant with Mana. As such he naturally sports a decent level of resistance.

However, Archer didn't have any anecdotes of encountering Magecraft in life so his rank is lower than it could be.


Personal Skills:

Natural Body- C
Possession of a perfect physique as a human being from birth. As one of the earliest humans in God's creation Archer has a "divine constitution" superior to modern mankind. Even as an old man he boasts a hardened muscular body that'd make bodybuilders blush. Strength is ranked up, and Archer's body-shape doesn't degrade no matter how many calories are ingested. A fact he abuses to gorge himself on endless amounts of junk food.

Weak Constitution (Blindness)- A
Connotes a weakness struck by the nature of ill health. In Archer's case it afflicts his eyes, which have grown totally blind in his old age. Normally for one who relies on ranged weapons this would significantly hinder Archer's fighting prowess, but thanks to his first Noble Phantasm he can still aim and shoot perfectly despite his lack of sight.

Immortal Breaker- B
A Skill encapsulating the conflicting legends where Archer slew his ancestor Cain despite the latter's curse of immortality. This concept of "having killed one cursed to never die" has dyed into Archer's body and arrows, manifesting as a passive ability that nullifies any form of unnatural longevity at rank B or lower. While valuable in battle, as this Skill embodies one of Archer's greatest regrets he regards it as closer to a curse.

Noble Phantasms

Tubal Qayin

Bow Of My Son

Rank: C

Type: Anti-Unit/Support

A wrought iron greatbow crafted for Archer by his son Tubalcain. Being made by the first blacksmith in the ancient world it's naturally a splendidly forged armament of the finest quality, far surpassing weaponry of the modern era. In tandem with Archer's prodigious strength each arrow loosed from this bow boasts firepower rivalling a high-caliber rifle. A single shot can split solid stone and pierce the hides of the strongest Phantasmal Beasts from Archer's time. However, this Noble Phantasm's true power lies elsewhere.

Tubalcain's soul still lingers within the bow, able to speak to Archer and give him advice. In battle his son's voice whispers constantly in Archer's ear, giving him a bead on the position of enemies and the layout of the terrain. This is the secret reason why Archer can aim and track targets so perfectly despite being blind. Only Archer himself can hear the bow's guidance, so for anyone else it looks like he's just preternaturally accurate.

This Noble Phantasm's ability represents the unique strategy Archer and his son used while hunting. Archer was blind yet an excellent shot, while Tubalcain had keen eyes but no skill in the hunt. So the two devised a tactic to make best use of both their abilities. Tubalcain would follow closely ahead of Archer, calling out the positions of animals for him to shoot. Archer would then wheel around and point his bow at the beast, loosing an arrow with unfailing accuracy. With this teamwork the father-and-son pair managed to slay countless vicious beasts plaguing the ancient world.

It can truly be said that Tubalcain served as Archer's eyes, a concept which is encapsulated by this Noble Phantasm.

Maveth Taqa

Regretful Deathblow

Rank: B

Type: Anti-Unit

One day when Archer was out hunting he shot something he mistook for an animal. Coming closer Archer realized he'd actually killed his great ancestor Cain. Overcome by grief Archer clapped his hands together with all his strength. In the clap Archer inadvertently struck his son Tubalcain, crushing his head and killing him instantly. Thus it came to pass that Archer in the same day accidentally killed both his grandfather and his own son.

This anecdote is recreated in Archer's second Noble Phantasm. Upon invoking its true name, Archer channels enormous amounts of Mana into his palms and claps them together as forcefully as he can. This clap releases a localized explosion of Mana akin to a sonic boom in the space between Archer's palms. If the opponent's head is caught in the blast they'll have to pass an Endurance check lest their skull be crushed, killing them instantly. Even if they survive, the shockwave created by the clap rattles the enemy's brain and disorients them, lessening their ability to defend against further blows.

This Noble Phantasm is an extremely effective killing technique. Once Archer gets it off there's little the opponent can do, as they'll either be killed instantly or stunned and left vulnerable to a follow-up attack. However, Archer obviously has to get into melee range to use it, which is a disadvantage given his Class.

That, combined with how this Noble Phantasm brings back painful memories of Tubalcain's death, means Archer refuses to invoke it except as a last resort.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here's another sheet I spun together. This was my experiment in making a Genesis Heroic Spirit whose isn't ridiculously OP like Adam, Noah and others but more of a typical mid-tier Servant.

As usual, comments and critiques would be welcome. Thanks for reading!

[Shiki-pon]

Lamech: I'm assuming he's blind to justify mistaking a human for an animal, or is there some other reason? There doesn't seem to be any mention of that in actual sources, only in interpretations and analyses.
Not sure if the first NP should be ranked B, since it doesn't seem all that effective. I'm also left wondering why its power is likened to that of a ballistic missile if it's just an arrow striking a single target (being Anti-Unit). It's a quibble, but ballistic missiles aren't known for the damage they do by the mass of their impact.

It does amuse me that, for all the metaphysical importance placed on Cain (not to mention all the superpowered/immortal representations of him in fiction), he goes out by getting shot with an arrow by his own descendant.

[Kabalisto Koga]

"Rufus"?:One Question if i understood that Right is he a through the contact with outer Gods distorted Atomic Reactor-core ,Right ?

Unktehila:Not bad let me guess her familars a Draconic snakes Right?i ask because which species of beings Arent stated in the sheet if ist snakes then good but a expicit Mention is missing here and two Questions it stated that she is a giantic servant could you give out a meter number she is Long/tall which she has during summoning and how would she react if other servants are fellow beasts like my Mothman as example ?

Yoshimune :a intersting Saber build ,have i understood it Right that he can copy swords also from other servants by add them to Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō ? and example wise could he evoke his copy Balmung the Blue Flame stream like Siegfried ?

and please give my Titanic sheet a look im curious About your oppinion !

[RoydGolden]

Lamech: I'm assuming he's blind to justify mistaking a human for an animal, or is there some other reason? There doesn't seem to be any mention of that in actual sources, only in interpretations and analyses.
Not sure if the first NP should be ranked B, since it doesn't seem all that effective. I'm also left wondering why its power is likened to that of a ballistic missile if it's just an arrow striking a single target (being Anti-Unit). It's a quibble, but ballistic missiles aren't known for the damage they do by the mass of their impact.

It does amuse me that, for all the metaphysical importance placed on Cain (not to mention all the superpowered/immortal representations of him in fiction), he goes out by getting shot with an arrow by his own descendant.

The blindness is a big part of Lamech's legend in secondary sources, even if it isn't included in the Bible itself. If I just went with how Lamech is described there I doubt he'd qualify as a Heroic Spirit at all, since he doesn't have any notable feats aside from killing two nameless dudes and bragging about it. It's only in secondary sources that he's interesting (sort of like Methuselah in that regard).

I wasn't sure about his first NP's rank actually. I decided to make it B because I figured that was the typical rank for NPs that are just a really well-made weapon, even before considering any fancy conceptual abilities. (Keep in mind that Arondight is A++, even though its only actual abilities are ranking up Lancelot's stats and giving a bonus to saving throws). I could lower it to C-rank though. For the ballistic missile stuff, I figured given it's one of the first bows made in the Age of Gods that it would be considerably more powerful than an ordinary bow.

And thanks for the feedback Shiki-pon!

[Shiki-pon]

"Rufus"?:One Question if i understood that Right is he a through the contact with outer Gods distorted Atomic Reactor-core ,Right ?

Unktehila:Not bad let me guess her familars a Draconic snakes Right?i ask because which species of beings Arent stated in the sheet if ist snakes then good but a expicit Mention is missing here and two Questions it stated that she is a giantic servant could you give out a meter number she is Long/tall which she has during summoning and how would she react if other servants are fellow beasts like my Mothman as example ?

Yoshimune :a intersting Saber build ,have i understood it Right that he can copy swords also from other servants by add them to Kyōhō Meibutsu Chō ? and example wise could he evoke his copy Balmung the Blue Flame stream like Siegfried ?

and please give my Titanic sheet a look im curious About your oppinion !

Have you ever considered actually reading the sheets before asking your usual type of questions? Unktehila admittedly doesn't outright spell what her spawned familiars are, but the offspring of a creature are usually of a kind with their parent. As for her size, she's somewhere around the 30 meter mark in terms of length.

As for your Titanic sheet, its terribleness is just the usual fare. Loaded with every imaginable Skill that you could think of an excuse to shove in and the Noble Phantasm's type doesn't make a lick of sense. And most heinous of all, despite the fact that somebody seems to have spell-checked the end result for you, Magic Resistance is spelled wrong.
I have more important things to attend to so I won't subject myself to the torture of actually going through the sheet point by point.

[RoydGolden]

As for your Titanic sheet, its terribleness is just the usual fare. Loaded with every imaginable Skill that you could think of an excuse to shove in and the Noble Phantasm's type doesn't make a lick of sense. And most heinous of all, despite the fact that somebody seems to have spell-checked the end result for you, Magic Resistance is spelled wrong.
I have more important things to attend to so I won't subject myself to the torture of actually going through the sheet point by point.

Aw, I actually thought that was one of Koga's better sheets. She only has one "Skill that gives a bunch of other Skills" and it's pretty well justified by her nature as a conglomeration of souls IMO. At this point I think you're letting your aversion for Koga bias your judgment a tad (to be fair, he's the one who keeps asking you for feedback).

[Shiki-pon]

Aw, I actually thought that was one of Koga's better sheets. She only has one "Skill that gives a bunch of other Skills" and it's pretty well justified by her nature as a conglomeration of souls IMO. At this point I think you're letting your aversion for Koga bias your judgment a tad (to be fair, he's the one who keeps asking you for feedback).

I resent the 'only one' argument as to a Skill that gives a bunch of other Skills. Not every single Servant has to have one, and that particular one (besides its frankly idiotic name - I mean, I get what he's going for, but sheesh) makes the sheet less about Titanic and more about the passengers. Conglomerations of souls also seem kinda sketchy in terms of being a Servant to my mind. In fact, the sheet would work far better if it was "The Voyage of the Titanic" rather than Titanic itself, but I don't think events qualify as having souls (even objects are a questionable case, but I've made a vehicle myself, so I'm not going to complain about that).
And though it is true that I despise Koga for his apparent inability to actually learn anything, I at least made the attempt to gauge his work from a neutral standpoint. Of course, I always bring up the usual problems (random Skills, 'every Skill at once' Skills, questionable logic) since they're always there.

[King of Padoru]

Crab: You had the chance of saying Krabby Phantasm and wasted it. I didn't hear of him being Team Rocketed by Heracles either, but including that would really suit your style.

Not-Brunestud: My knowledge of Tsuki no Sango is null, but I really liked the sheet. My only nitpick is that 'overwriting the World's texture' doesn't necessarily transcribes into 'Anti-World', as Golem Keter Malkuth does that too but is 'Anti-Army'. It's a very minor nitpick that can be easily justified with her being a terraformer and all that, though.

Lamech: I have to agree with Shiki on the rank for his first NP. I'd personally lower it to C. And the comparison with a ballistic missile is admittedly weird (Rin's comparison of Anti-Unit and Anti-Army NPs with guns and missiles comes to mind). This may be a silly question, but since you describe Immortal Breaker as affecting only 'unnatural longevity', am I right to assume it wouldn't help against God Hand​?

[RoydGolden]

Lamech: I have to agree with Shiki on the rank for his first NP. I'd personally lower it to C. And the comparison with a ballistic missile is admittedly weird (Rin's comparison of Anti-Unit and Anti-Army NPs with guns and missiles comes to mind). This may be a silly question, but since you describe Immortal Breaker as affecting only 'unnatural longevity', am I right to assume it wouldn't help against God Hand​?

Fair enough about Tubal Qayin. I lowered it to C-rank and adjusted the comparison from a missile to a rifle shot, which hopefully still conveys the impression that it's way beyond a normal bow without being too powerful. As for whether his third Skill would affect God Hand, I'm honestly not quite sure but since it's a

curse

gift

of immortality kind of like the Mark of Cain I'd place pretty high bets on yes. And thanks for the feedback!

[kiwi]

well this just means i gotta put my tubal-cain sheet on the backburner for a bit thanks royd

@koga the titanic sheet is a good concept that is way too strong for what it like, is, which is fine if you've got a good justification for it (not to toot my own horn but i did a similar kinda thing with fu manchu), but in practice it just comes across as "my oc is really strong you guys". there's not a problem in making a weaker sheet, ya know? weaker in terms of, er, power levels, not like quality n stuff.

@padoru krabby phantasm is a good pun i'll add it to my list of things to change if ever remake the sheet. i'd like to include the herakl-yeet too but i have no idea how to do that (afaik not many noble phantasms are based on how somebody got their ass royally blasted)

[Dragolord09]

Eh, you can go on ahead and make that Tubal-Cain sheet if you want kiwi. I don't think anybody here minds. As for Koga, I'm afraid that he doesn't know the meaning of the phrase, "dial it down". Though perhaps if he doesn't understand it in English, maybe we could talk to him in his native language and see if the message finally gets through?

[RoydGolden]

well this just means i gotta put my tubal-cain sheet on the backburner for a bit thanks royd

I second Dragonlord. You should definitely work on that Tubalcain sheet if you have the inspiration. I'm actually quite curious to see how our takes will differ or compliment each other...

[King of Padoru]

Fair enough about Tubal Qayin. I lowered it to C-rank and adjusted the comparison from a missile to a rifle shot, which hopefully still conveys the impression that it's way beyond a normal bow without being too powerful. As for whether his third Skill would affect God Hand, I'm honestly not quite sure but since it's a

curse

gift

of immortality kind of like the Mark of Cain I'd place pretty high bets on yes. And thanks for the feedback!

This is much better. Thanks for clearing out the God Hand issue too!

[S]@padoru krabby phantasm is a good pun i'll add it to my list of things to change if ever remake the sheet. i'd like to include the herakl-yeet too but i have no idea how to do that (afaik not many noble phantasms are based on how somebody got their ass royally blasted)

Just mentioning it in the biography is fine, you don't really need to make it a NP or a skill. And go for Tubalcain, my dude. I really like your sheets.

[Shiki-pon]

FC Link
Alternate Classes: Rider, Caster, Ruler
True Name: Cecrops
Alignment: Lawful Good
Origin: Greek Mythology
Armament: Spear

Parameters:
STR: C
END: B
AGI: B
MANA: A
LUCK: B
NP: C

Skills

Class Skills

Magic Resistance - Rank B: Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.

Personal Skills

Sprung from the Earth - Rank A: A Skill marking the user as a mortal who has sprung from the soil, rocks and trees. The user and their kind are rooted and belong to the land eternally. As they are not human, their forms can vary wildly. Usually, the benefits include the effects of Skills such as Natural Body and Child of Nature.
Lancer, rather than being born naturally, sprung from the earth. Thus, he is an autochthone, a creature born autonomously from the earth itself, having no parents. For some reason, he possesses some of the traits of Dragon Kind, perhaps owing to the soil of the place where he was born.

Eye of the Mind (False) - Rank B: A natural talent to foresee/sense and avoid danger on the basis of an innate 6th sense, intuition, or prescience. The accuracy of this instinct can be augmented by experience. The ability also grants an effect of offering resistance against penalties caused by visual obstructions.
Despite his physical qualities, Lancer is not a born warrior. However, he has been granted this Skill as a blessing from the Greek goddess Athena. Essentially it amounts to danger avoidance by means of intuition and sixth sense.

Charisma - Rank A: A composite Skill consisting of a person's charm as well as the natural talent to command or unify an army or country. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. A rare talent, and an ability inherent to Servants of the Saver class.
Can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being. There are tales of people coming from all over simply to hear Lancer speak. His popularity was such that despite his appearance, he was unanimously accepted as the king of Athens.

Noble Phantasms

The Spear of the Sacred Tree

Memoriménai Moria

Anti-Wisdom, Rank C

Lancer’s Noble Phantasm, taking the form of a spear made of living olive wood. Its true form is a Moria tree, originating from the olive tree Athena planted in the acropolis of Athens, the first tree of its kind. Memoriménai Moria tês Athēnâs is therefore a fragment of a Divine Construct, as the tree sprouted from Athena’s spear. In this sense, the spear is similar to the degraded Divine Constructs wielded by the servitors of a certain northern god.
As Lancer is not the original wielder of the spear, he is incapable of drawing out its true power, gleaned from its connection to the original. However, due to Lancer’s body essentially being the soil of Athens, the spear has taken root in his body, allowing him a deeper connection with the weapon. When the spear strikes, even if it does not wound the target, it grants Lancer glimpses of his foe’s favored strategies as well as their strengths and weaknesses, allowing him to more easily circumvent or defeat them. What is transferred to Lancer on the spear’s strikes is essentially the wisdom that guides strategy itself, the domain of Athena.
As the battle against a singular target continues, Lancer’s understanding of their skills, tactics and abilities steadily increase, to the point of being able to foresee the entire rest of the battle and act accordingly. Unless defeated instantaneously or by outside intervention, he will quickly grow to be nigh-unbeatable in single combat.

The Tree of Hope Springs Eternal

Palingenesía Athēnaîos

Anti-Unit (Self), Rank C

A hidden Noble Phantasm, its functions secret even to Lancer himself. The sacred Moria tree of Athens, planted by Athena in order to claim the city for herself, stood as a symbol of the city’s prosperity. When Athens was sacked by the Persians and its buildings and holy places burned, the evacuated Athenians that returned to the city were desolate. However, the Moria still stood. Though burnt, the olive tree had already grown a branch, symbolising the rapid recuperation and renovation of the Athenians in the face of adversity.
If Lancer should die, though his physical form will fade away as a Servant’s does, his spear will remain. Though unable to draw out its power as a Noble Phantasm, others can use the weapon freely. Should the spear be planted into the ground, however, it will quickly revitalize and take root, blossoming into a tree. If this condition is fulfilled, Lancer is bound to return in some form, just as the glory of Athens did.

Description

Likes: Lawful conduct, humans
Dislikes: Bloodthirsty gods, humans
Talents: Teaching, sound judgment
Natural Enemy: N/A

Lancer’s true identity is Cecrops, the Two-Natured King.

Cecrops was, in life, a stern yet fair king. He both likes and dislikes humans, having come to know them during his years as a ruler. Though he admires the human spirit and humanity’s ingenuity, he is also disappointed in how cowed humans can become and how quick they are to become fractious and oppressive towards those weaker than themselves. Partly because of his feelings, his appearance makes his inhuman nature clear rather than hiding it, as he wishes to remain standing apart from humanity.
As he was attributed with establishing many of Athens’ laws in life, he likes orderly things. Cecrops is naturally somewhat uncomfortable with the chaos of the Holy Grail War, and would rather participate in something closer to a tournament. He is also forward-thinking by nature, wishing to use his present actions as a foundation for future activity. At the same time, his meticulous way of approaching things also makes him slow to react to surprises.
Among Heroic Spirits, Cecrops greatly prizes intelligence and devotion to rules. As such, crafty individuals that still manage to find a code of honour to follow are to his liking. He despises rulebreakers, though is given to leniency towards those who rebelled against injustice.
As it is in accordance with his role as a Servant, Cecrops serves his Master loyally. He does keep a close eye on them in case they show signs of being wayward, at which point he will step in to steer them towards a more proper path. He would likely enjoy working with a young Master who he could guide to a brighter future.
Cecrops does not possess a particularly strong wish, but he is interested in what became of Athens after his time, and would like to analyze where they went wrong and provide instructions to them on proper conduct in the future.

Lore

Cecrops was the mythical founder and king of Athens in Greek mythology. He had no human ancestor and he was himself only half human. Born of the remains of a dragon, dragon-shaped below the waist. So he was when he sprung from the earth, an autochthonous creature.
His reign lasted for fifty years. It was believed that he was the one who taught the citizens of Athens of the secrets of marriage, reading, writing and ceremonial burial.
He was one of the first people to believe in Zeus as the god of gods and started erecting statues to the Olympians, as well as performing sacrifices. He also outlawed the sacrifice of living creatures to the gods. It was during his reign that the competition between the two patron saints of the city took place. The two saints were Athena and Poseidon, and in order to settle their dispute once and for all, they were asked to give a gift to the Athenians. Athena offered them an olive tree, while Poseidon struck a rock on the Acropolis with his trident creating a salt sea. Cecrops judged that Athena should become the patron saint of Athens.
In those early days, we are told, women voted as well as men. All the women voted for the goddess, and all the men for the god. There was one more woman than there were men, so Athena won. But the men, along with Poseidon, were greatly chagrined at this female triumph; and while Poseidon proceeded to flood the land the men decided to take the vote away from the women. Nevertheless, Athena kept Athens.
Cecrops had three daughters; Herse, Pandrosus and Aglaurus, whom Cecrops later married. He also had a son, Erysichthon.
When Athena visited the blacksmith god Hephaestus to ask for weapons, he tried to seduce her. She tried to repel him, but his semen fell on her thigh, which Athena wiped away and threw it to the ground. Where it fell, Erichthonius was born, and Athena kept him secret in a box. She gave the box to the three daughters of Cecrops and told them not to open the box. Curious, the three daughters opened it and saw the infant wrapped around a serpent. Driven mad by what they saw, they fell off the Acropolis.