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Thread: Create-A-Servant 2

  1. #8161
    屍食鬼 Ghoul TresserT's Avatar
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    I really like the Shadowman one in concept. It's an interesting take on sleep paralysis, lots of people do report seeing stuff like that and its cool to see a phenomenon like that turned into a Servant.

    That said, he seems pretty weak. Kind of a one trick pony, and his trick is both hard to pull off and not very effective. I can't imagine that most Servants would leave their sleeping master unguarded. And if, on the off chance a Master was left like that, it'd be way more effective to just kill them outright (though I get that's part of his personality, it's just incentive not to summon him).

    Maybe if he had some additional secondary powers. Maybe something that puts people to sleep, or maybe some other things that people experience during sleep paralysis. Since sleep paralysis is a "waking nightmare" maybe you could even do something with that.

  2. #8162
    魔神王 Demon God King massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    I feel like i should make jug bodgdan because he is Quasi-Equivelent fof King Arthur/Artoria in Serbian Folklore

  3. #8163
    吸血鬼 Vampire Express's Avatar
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    Can't decide if I should finish these 80% completed sheets or save them for a fanfic...Using characters I've already made feels like cheating or something.

  4. #8164
    リビングデッド Living Dead
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    Currently working on at least seven sheets here.

    This is what I am working on right now.

    Aeneas as Lancer.

    Abraham Lincoln as Saber.

    Wilhelm Tell as Archer.

    Locusta as Assassin. (SERIOUSLY, NASU, WHY IS SHE NOT A SERVANT?)

    Baldwin IV as Berserker.

    Dick Turpin as Rider.

    Qin Sin Huangdi as Caster.

    I will post them all when ready, and plan on using each in an upcoming Holy Grail War fic which is an alternate of the Fifth Holy Grail.

  5. #8165
    Deadpan Dead People LegalLoliLover's Avatar
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    Yes, Break very much wants Locusta of Gaul in the game. I do, too, but only if she is a loli (obviously). Heck, have her voiced by Sakura Tange, but then we'd just get Cagliostro.
    May the Light of Zvezda Shine Throughout This World!
    Spoiler:

  6. #8166
    リビングデッド Living Dead
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    Quote Originally Posted by LegalLoliLover View Post
    Yes, Break very much wants Locusta of Gaul in the game. I do, too, but only if she is a loli (obviously). Heck, have her voiced by Sakura Tange, but then we'd just get Cagliostro.
    Just so you know, I have trouble with sarcasm.

  7. #8167
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slick146 View Post
    Just so you know, I have trouble with sarcasm.
    I... don't think he's being sarcastic.

  8. #8168
    I'm 90% Gacha Salt And 10% Tears Saron's Avatar
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    Source: (X)
    Name; Ahab “Lily”
    Class; Lancer/Rider
    Source: America, Moby Dick
    Armament: Harpoon
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Lily, Human

    Stats:
    Strength: C
    Agility: B-
    Endurance: C
    Mana: D
    Luck: E
    Noble Phantasm: D

    Likes: Humanity, talking to people from different cultures
    Dislikes: His future self, poorly made liquor, racists/sexists/etc.
    Talents: Whaling, getting along with people
    Natural Enemy: Moby Dick, Himself
    Wish: To erase Moby Dick from existence

    Skills
    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance: E
    The ability to cancel and reduce the effects of magic. Is of the lowest rank, as even though he hadn’t encountered the Divine Beast Moby Dick yet, he still carries an air of mystery and hints at experiencing magecraft before…so he claims. No spells are cancelled, but their effects are reduced somewhat.

    Personal Skills:
    Eye of Mind (True): C
    A heightened capacity for observation, refined through training, discipline and experience. A danger-avoidance ability that utilizes the intelligence collected up to the current time as the basis in order to predict the opponent’s activity and change the current situation. This is not a result of talent, but an overwhelming amount of combat experience. A weapon wielded by none other than a mortal, gained through tenacious training. So long there is even a 1% chance of a comeback, this ability greatly improves the chances of winning.

    Refined over decades of whaling and adventure, he can easily analyze the current battle conditions and plan accordingly. But, it's extremely difficult to align his whaling knowledge with combat situations.

    Death of the Three Suns: B
    An odd variant of Battle Continuation, if Lancer is killed in battle he will lay dead for three days, until coming back to life completely restored. Mana upkeep is quarters during this state. Can only be used once per summoning.

    ”Bit of a funny story that one, but it’s a bit long so aye won’t bore ya with the details.”

    Storyteller: C+
    A Skill representing the ability of one to tell a story or legend, spinning the story to fuel one's imagination and raise one’s spirits. Differing from the Narrator skill in that he is limited to his own stories to give the proper effects. Lancer has done many things in his life, but his rage in his later years preventing these wondrous tales from ever being written or remembered. Now, with a clear head, he can clearly recount these tales and tell them to whoever is willing to listen. Gains a (-) modifier if he’s reading or telling a story not his own.

    ”Aye ever tell ya of the hunt of the great One Eyed, One Finned Sperm Whale? No? Then gather 'round, and let an old man jab for a while.”


    Noble Phantasm
    The Mad King
    Naught But A Name

    Anti-Unit (Self)
    D
    Range: N/A
    Max Targets: 1

    A representation on how in his later years, he became almost exactly like the Mad King of Israel, Ahab.

    By forcefully reverting his mind to his older self, he can "grasp" the concept of that Mad King, and forcefully bring it on to himself. His soul shall become blackened and twisted with dark magic, and his Alignment will shift to Chaotic Evil. He will be able to access fire magecraft, and his actions and personality will become truly that of the man who's name he shares.

    But as he is not that Ahab, it is only a matter of time until the effects wear off, and his Spiritual Core will dissipate from the abuse done to it.

    "The journey was long, and I thank you for my clear head,
    but now it is my turn to save you."

    "We may be different monsters, but we are monsters of the same claw!
    Naught But A Name, Come Forth! AHAB!"


    Lore
    After an incident in Chaldea involving the Golden Hind, the Pequod, and the Queen Anne’s Revenge, all at once, there was need for a solution to Ahab’s indiscriminate anger and rage. With the combined efforts of Da Vinci, Paracelsus, and small help from Alexander, there was a potion made to reduce his anger and make him somewhat sane.

    It succeeded in reducing his rage, but it had the side effect of reducing his age as well.

    Now, the angry 58 year old mad captain who despises the world, is the 48 year old man who loves adventure and humanity. His sullen nature is now a hopeful one, a violent temper is now kind tolerance, where he was once angry he is now jolly. The most noticable difference is that his leg has been returned, which unfortunately suffers the side effect of being completely nerve dead. "Better than that peg leg at the very least!"

    Due a jump in his age, he lost the his Noble Phantasm, but in order to remain as a Servant, he forcefully created one using access to a Lesser Grail, creating a low tier Noble Phantasm, but a Noble Phantasm nonetheless.


    Personality
    A happy, joyful captain with hundreds of stories to share with the Chaldean residents. He loves learning about other cultures, and Chaldea has allowed him a unique opportunity to learn about hundreds of historical events firsthand, as he only knows the stories of King Arthur and Alexander the Great from books.

    Due to his nature, he’ll manage to worm his way into every major Servant group. He’ll be seen drinking with the Romans, to sparring with the Irish, and then drinking again with the Oni, then telling a story to the child Servants, all within the same day. Even arrogant characters such as the King of Heroes and the King of Kings would be hard pressed to admit that they don’t at least tolerate his company.

    ”People are such fascinating creatures, aren’t they Master?”

    But, just because he retains a lighter personality doesn't mean he still doesn't hate the whale. But instead of killing the whale himself, he wants it have never even been born in the first place.

    If the whale didn't exist, it wouldn't have bitten him.
    If it didn't bite him, he never would have gone mad
    If he never went mad, he would have lived.
    If he lived, he could see his wife and son again.
    Last edited by Saron; October 24th, 2017 at 06:27 PM.
    My thirst for Antonio grows by the second.

    Tomoe is Too Moe (Big Image)

    I Make Servants, Some Of Which Are Tragedies, Especially This One

  9. #8169
    吸血鬼 Vampire Express's Avatar
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    Even though canonical Ahab is just a dominant portion of Watcher, making him nothing more than a Phantom...I've got a few issues with this one.
    Parameters aren't something I usually pay attention to, but these seem noticeably too high. Same with Eye of the Mind.
    Ahab's Razor is something explicitly based on his life if Moby Dick had always existed, something a Lily aspect has no right to owning imo.
    An "Alter Lily" would closer to what you're going for, I think. But then it's more of an OC than it is Ahab.

  10. #8170
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    I quite like that Ahab Lily, though he is noticeably OC-ish. Still though, having done something similar with my Cain Lily sheet I can't help but respect the creativity involved in fleshing out a character without relying on the deeds they were most famous for (killing Abel for Cain, hunting the White Whale for Ahab). I'm not sure how you linked his harpoon to Ockham's Razor honestly, but it is a cool idea.

    I agree with Express that his stats seem too high for a pretty modern hero and EOTM is kind of outrageously over-ranked, particularly since his younger self should rightfully have less experience then his regular incarnation. Also, maybe I'm just a philistine who's not familiar with the original book, but could you kindly explain the logic behind his Death Of The Three Suns Skill?

  11. #8171
    I'm 90% Gacha Salt And 10% Tears Saron's Avatar
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    Based on Express' review, I did a major overall. I lowered EOTM drastically, lowered his stats, and replaced his NP with one I personally think is a bit more imaginative given the story of Moby Dick.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    I Also, maybe I'm just a philistine who's not familiar with the original book, but could you kindly explain the logic behind his Death Of The Three Suns Skill?
    After Ishmael and Queequeg join the Pequod, a mysterious stranger named Elijah starts questioning on if they've met "Old Thunder". He says how the protagonists have essentially sold their souls, and Ahab's more mystical nature such as losing his leg. I took inspiration for the skill when he said that Ahab had "laid dead for three days and three nights"
    My thirst for Antonio grows by the second.

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    I Make Servants, Some Of Which Are Tragedies, Especially This One

  12. #8172
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    Based on Express' review, I did a major overall. I lowered EOTM drastically, lowered his stats, and replaced his NP with one I personally think is a bit more imaginative given the story of Moby Dick.
    That new conceptual NP is certainly interesting, though now that you got rid of the harpoon it's less clear why he qualifies for the Lancer Class at all (unless he still has it, just not as an NP). Personally I'm disappointed that you scrapped the harpoon since I liked the idea behind it, though Express was right about it not really fitting. Maybe add it back to your regular Ahab sheet?

  13. #8173
    I'm 90% Gacha Salt And 10% Tears Saron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    That new conceptual NP is certainly interesting, though now that you got rid of the harpoon it's less clear why he qualifies for the Lancer Class at all
    He's a Lancer the same way Gilles is a Saber, where their NP doesn't necessarily correlate with their weapons.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Maybe add it back to your regular Ahab sheet?
    I'm debating on remaking the sheet, possibly as a Avenger/main antagonist character, and the spear would definitely be a part of that.
    My thirst for Antonio grows by the second.

    Tomoe is Too Moe (Big Image)

    I Make Servants, Some Of Which Are Tragedies, Especially This One

  14. #8174
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saron View Post
    I'm debating on remaking the sheet, possibly as a Avenger/main antagonist character, and the spear would definitely be a part of that.
    An Avenger Ahab would definitely be interesting.

    Since you mentioned his ship being made of whale bone, an interesting idea would be to have it actually transform into a simulacrum of the White Whale, sort of like Cu Alter and his sea monster armor. Just an idea.

  15. #8175
    魔神王 Demon God King massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    Hachiman/Ojin Sheet was needed so i quess why not?

    Someone who can Surpass my archery? I quess some Western Heroes Can, they are usually stronger.

    Faceclaim

    Name: Hondawake No Mikoto, (Better known as Emperor Ojin or Hachiman Daimyojin).
    Class: Archer.
    Alternate Classes: Ruler, Rider
    Weapon: a unusually large bow.
    H/W: 191cm/75kg
    Alignment: Lawful Good.
    Likes: Archery, Horses, His Mother.
    Dislikes: Illiterate People.
    Natural Enemy: None Notable (Although a Pressence of a Certain Japanese Demon Archer Irritates him)
    Region: Japan
    Wish for the Grail: None.

    Stats:
    STR: B
    END: C
    AGI: A
    MANA: B
    LUCK: A~EX

    Class Skills
    Magic Resistance: B
    Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.

    Independent Action: A
    It is possible to take action even without a Master. However, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary. At Rank A, it is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for about a week without a Master.


    Personal Skills
    Divinity: A
    Moments after he was born, Eight Banners from the heaven bearing the Chrysanthemum Crest Came down To Signifiy his Birth, After His Death as The Emperor Ojin He was Deified as the one of the most famous Japanese Gods, Hachiman Daimyojin, A god of war.

    Innovation: C
    He posses a High rank in innovation due to bringing a entire Writing Language To japan and other goods from china, which started the economic prosperity of japan. Due to this he gains specific incerease in effectivnes of written magecraft and especially japanese runes

    Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig: B+
    Unconditionally reduces the damage dealt by physical attacks, conceptual attacks, and interdimensional attacks by a value equivalent to the Servant's total health. This Skill also shuts out the probability of mental interference by 100%. Ojin, Known for his compasion for people and a good personality recieves a B+ rank in this skill


    Noble Phantasm
    O Heavens, You who are Most respected, I require the eight once again.
    Ya-Wata, Eight Heavenly Banners
    (A) (Anti-Fortress)
    Just Moments after He was born, the eight banners came down from heavens to signal his birth, They Bear the Chrysanthemum Crest of japan, Each Banner is a gift of the heavens, denoting the Number Eight which in china can signify a big number. He can either drop them on his foe directly or As he Perfers, Fire all 8 them at once or one by one from his Bow, this is only possible because of the semi-Divine nature of his bow and its Unussual size, The First Banner Has the most destructive power, the power decreases with each banner and the Last banner shot has only 1/8 The destructive power of the first One but this effect dissapears if he fires all of them at once or drops them dirrectly. The mana Drain from this Noble Phantasm is Huge and will require mana supply from master.


    Craft Essences-Interactions

    Dai-Bo-Satsu
    In an eastern land there was once a man
    so great were his deeds in life that in death he as proclaimed a deity
    That age is no more
    But the effect of his deeds still linger today.

    Tawara Touda: You are an Archer huh? You seem like a man who can defeat me in archery how about a friendly spar-Hold on why are you praying to me all of sudden?

    Oda Nobunaga: A gun Huh? Unlike a Bow it requires only a single motion of a finger to kill its target... and firing it in three lines is likely deadly. nice invention, But an unhonorable one!

    Other Japanese Servants: It is good to see that the Land i brought to Glory has produced the heroes of such qualities. im satisfied.


    Personality
    For a god of war he has a pretty laid back personality. he will most often appear as a pretty nice guy but durring battle he can be fierce and bear a Smile. He will often repsect his master as a friend rather than a master, if the master allows it. His greatest virtue is his honor as a titular god of samurai. so when facing evil he drops all his niceness. he doesn't show much emotion in any instance.

    He is very conservative about his deeds, even though he did so much for japan he doesn't consider those deeds great or influental he just considers them deeds
    even his title of Hachiman, the god of war that was given to him after his death he considers useless but does not neglect the bonuses it gives to him because of the sheer amount of common sense he has.
    Last edited by massive_jojo_reference; October 25th, 2017 at 04:56 PM.

  16. #8176
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Ojin: Interesting sheet, but I can see a bunch of issues. I'll list them below with bullet-points.

    -First off, why is his Luck stat so low? Not only was he divinely blessed but it sounds like he accomplished quite a lot in his life, and there's no mention of a tragic death or anything else that could lower Luck.

    -While going by your summary I can see him having Innovation, you didn't describe what benefits it gives him. Presumably his version of Innovation would be very different then the likes of Nobu, for instance. Personally, if his innovation is due to bringing written language in particular then I could see giving him some kind of rune magic (only with Japanese script) or a variant of Innovation that boosts the power of all spells cast through a written medium.

    -Daibosatsu could probably be replaced with Buddha's Enlightenment Of The Sacred Fig Skill, since they capture similar concepts and the effect you came up with is (no offense) kind of generic anyways.

    -As far as I can see, nothing about his NP merits it being EX-rank. Just A should be enough.

  17. #8177
    リビングデッド Living Dead
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    Class: Saber
    Alternate Classes: Berserker
    True Name: Abraham Lincoln
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Armament: A large cavalry broadsword
    Attribute: Star

    Personality: A firm, dedicated, strong and powerful man, Saber is much the same as he was in life, a skillful politician and masterful tactician who fought for the freedom of those enslaved. However, beneath the exterior of the strong, hardworking and inspiring leader, Saber suffers from a melancholy that is clearly depression, a melancholy born of the loss of so many of his family before him. He is a man who strove for freedom for all, but constantly suffered under the strains of the Presidency, the tiring of it on his body.
    Likes: Freedom, America, Equal Rights
    Dislikes: Slavery, secession
    Natural Enemy: Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis
    Talents: Leadership, lawyer, wrestling

    Faceclaim


    Bio:
    Born in a log cabin, Abraham Lincoln did not have a happy childhood. Some time after his mother died, his father would abandon both him and his sister, leaving them in the log cabin for over six months. This event would shape Lincoln for the rest of his life. Lincoln was known for being very strong as a youth, and a very capable railsplitter. During this time, he would end up competing in various wrestling matches, in one famous match lifting a fully grown man up by his throat, shaking him like a rag and threw him onto the ground, flat on his back. Deciding to become a lawyer, Lincoln actually didn't go to law school, but managed to establish himself as a good lawyer. During his political career, he was once challenged to a duel, and selected cavalry broadswords of the largest size.

    However, Lincoln’s tenure as President was his greatest hour. It was he who steered the country through its greatest moral crisis, preserving it despite the odds. It was he who defined what the term equal rights for all truly means, and was responsible for overseeing the country’s transformation into an industrial power, paving the way for it to become the world power it is today.

    Parameters
    Strength: B+
    Endurance: B
    Agility: C
    Mana: D
    Luck: B-
    NP: A+

    Class Skills:

    Riding: C
    Saber is capable of handling most mounts and vehicles with efficiency.

    Magic Resistance: D
    Capable of canceling spells of a Single Chant

    Personal Skills:


    Bravery: A
    Saber was renowned for his bravery in the face of danger, and his unwavering resolve. During the Black Hawk War, he prevented the death of an elderly Native American by placing himself between the man and the militia he was serving with, and was not charged for cowardice. This grants him ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. It also has the bonus effect of increasing melee damage.

    Charisma: B
    To this day, Saber’s words continue to inspire the people of the United States, and he is seen as a symbol of freedom. Despite being one of the most unpopular presidents in history, as his election caused numerous states to secede, he is still well remembered and thought of throughout the States. Increases the ability of allies during group battles.

    Authority of the President: A
    A skill representing the Saber's strengthening of the Presidency in life, how he truly forged the government into a political authority and defined the rights of the Constitution and what it means. Thus, he is granted Presidential powers, which he can manifest as barriers to defend himself with. These powers are also an ability to command from respect from others, and consolidate his mana for more effective use.

    Pioneer of the Stars
    : EX
    Though his actions are rather mundane compared to other Servants with this skill, Saber’s leadership was key to the Union’s victory in the American Civil War. Because of this, the United States was transformed into a true industrial power, with the groundwork laid for its rise to world dominance. Events that should be impossible are now events which can be realised.

    Noble Phantasms:

    Emancipation Proclamation A+
    And Henceforth Shall Be Free

    Anti-Group
    Number of targets: 100

    Saber's greatest achievement in life was this, the Emancipation Proclamation. This single act resulted in the freedom of over three million people, and turned the American Civil War into a moral war, with the Union's goal being the abolition of slavery.

    This Noble Phantasm is a Reality Marble, built upon the gratitude, joy and hope of the slaves Saber had freed, all three million of them. Here, Saber will receive a boost in all his stats, while enemy Servants start to find themselves being depleted of mana, cut off from any outside sources. Furthermore, Saber may also summon the Union arsenal to use in battle against the enemy, the various weapons that he himself would personally field test on the White House lawn. In appearance, this Reality Marble is the aftermath of a great and terrible battle, the struggle that was fought between the Blue and the Grey. Should a Servant who owned slaves in life be drawn into it, they will receive a rank down in all stats, their mana shall decrease even faster, and their Noble Phantasms shall drop down a rank.

    Gettysburg Address A+
    Shall Not Perish From The Earth

    Anti-Fortress

    History would not long remember the words spoken that day, but they would always remember the men who died for the cause of freedom. Saber’s speech became one of the most iconic of the entire American Civil War, a speech made in memory of the men who fought and died to win it. This blade is a representation of those men, and their sacrifice, something Saber will never forget. When activated, his blade will become encased in flames, flames born of the fiery conflict known as the American Civil War, flames of the Union soldiers who gave their lives. In truth, this Noble Phantasm should be Anti-Country, as it represents the Union’s victory over the Confederacy. However, Saber refused to ever consider the Confederates a country, granting them no legitimacy. Thus, it has been lowered Saber is able to fire off four blasts of fire in total, each one representing a year of the civil war and how the Union struggled to achieve victory.

    Creator's Notes: Behold, Abraham Lincoln as Saber 2.0!

    Last edited by Slick146; November 7th, 2017 at 06:09 PM.

  18. #8178
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Lincoln: Shouldn't this be 3.0? Unless you're not counting your first go at the guy... As for the sheet itself, the Skills fit and his NPs, while still not necessarily the most inspired (and I'll freely admit a modern figure like Lincoln is pretty hard to craft good NPs for), are at least fairly well fleshed out and balanced enough to be reasonable.

    Don't see why Emancipation Proclamation has to be EX-rank, to be honest. Iskandar's Reality Marble was ranked EX because it summoned other Heroic Spirits, whereas Lincoln's as far as I can tell only calls on weaponry. Just A+ should be enough, I'd say. You also scrapped some cool stuff from your earlier Lincoln sheet (like the subtitles for NPs and Bravery flavor-text) that I don't really understand the logic for. And lastly, the part about Magic Resistance affecting higher-ranked spells isn't anything I can recall from canon. I don't know if you got that off a fan-site or something, but the official description for rank D Magic Resistance specifically says only Single-Action spells are affected.

  19. #8179
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    Good to know. I will consult the previous sign up sheet and grab some stuff from it.

    I made the Emancipation Proclamation EX because it is built off the fact it freed over 3 million people.

  20. #8180
    The showtime RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slick146 View Post
    I made the Emancipation Proclamation EX because it is built off the fact it freed over 3 million people.
    Freeing tons of people could certainly make for a powerful NP, but it shouldn't affect the rank directly. Rank (except in weird cases like Tota's unlimited rice works) is based on how powerful the NP's actual effects are, now just how significant the historical event it was based off was. My point was that as powerful as the Proclamation is, all the effects you gave it can easily be encompassed under an A or A+ rank.

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