You mean that long period of low activity wasn't a sign that you had been using the time to secretly translate the rest of Strange Fake and all the remaining side materials, before moving onto and finishing Mahoyo in a single week?
I'm crushed. Expected more of you, food.
Heh. Looks like EGGS went ahead and nuked the entire Teene Cherke article. Probably only happened because people had already been questioning its validity for a while, but it's still a weird feeling to know he's out there watching over us, desperately trying to make the wiki we all hate so much into a better place. Truly, he is an unappreciated dark knight.
I appreciate him plenty. o.o He knows his stuff.
I've finished (preliminarily) editing the first part of the prologue, so I figure now is as good a time as any to post that here and solicit comments from you folks. You can download it (PDF) here: ****************************view/?mcyzq83weesj490. If you find anything grossly offensive about the way I translate or the way the document is laid out, now would be a good time to tell me so it'll be easier for me to fix this stuff in the future. I doubt there will be much to say about the translation (seeing as there are only 4 pages of story text included so far), but if you do have something to say, fire away.
Also, I was wondering if anybody here might like to help me out by making some image edits that (to my untrained eye) seem simple. There's just four pages in total from the LN that have text that needs to be replaced. If you want to try your hand at that, download the zip archive here (****************************download.php?7objrm1ldvrr18h), which contains the 4 images and also a text file with instructions about what modifications to make. I tried doing it myself, but it turns out that I'm retarded at GIMP, so it kind of ended up looking like horrible.
...You're using LaTeX?
"black stage" -> "black pedestal"? (original 黒色の台座)
nakulaaaaaas...
Thaaanks!
Yeah. I think it makes life easier for people who read this (relative to HTML/Word/plaintext). There's also a few typographical effects that I'd be hard-pressed to replicate in any of those formats (e.g. the Wolf's devocalized scream at the beginning of Lancer's chapter, which is properly rendered as a continuous squiggle; the best ASCII approximation to that would be a bunch of tildes, which looks ugly)....You're using LaTeX?
I had a bit of trouble with this translation initially (yeah, the dictionary says 台座 = "pedestal", but why is a pedestal judging things?). I settled on "black stage" here because the end of Lancer's chapter contains the following lines:"black stage" -> "black pedestal"? (original 黒色の台座)
偽りの台座に集まった魔術師と英霊達。
これが偽りの聖杯戦争であると知りながら―――彼らはそれでも、台座の上で踊り続ける。
The description of the magi and Heroic Spirits "dancing" atop the 台座 led me to translate it as "black stage". There are some other lines in the prologue and in the forewords that lend themselves to the interpretation of the false Holy Grail War as basically a glorified piece of performance art. Also, I found a dictionary entry somewhere that describes 台座 more generally as a "platform". All considered, I think "black stage" is a bit more cromulent than "black pedestal".
(Incidentally, these lines aren't in food's translation, and I think this is because s/he was working off of the pre-publication "Fake/states night" file that was originally published to Narita's homepage. That version was missing about 6 pages of content from Lancer's chapter that was added in the publication version, and a similar amount from Rider's chapter, I think. There are also some additions to Caster's chapter and I _think_ Berserker's chapter.)
Yup, I was using the pre-publication version given to me by Kotonoha.
I found the pdf of the hardcopy later. I think the Assassin and Caster portions were from the new version. The Intro and Lancer portions were from the old version.
In the new version I think they added a part where Lancer's Master was murdered after Lancer ditched him for Dog.
The rest of the prologue is preliminarily done: (****************************view/?mfdgv72rgcgfz8f). There's new, hitherto-untranslated content this time. As usual, commentary, suggestions, criticism, etc. are heartily welcomed.
I'd particularly appreciate suggestions on how to make the dialogue flow better (not in terms of the actual content of the dialogue, but in terms of how to integrate it into the narrative) - I haven't actually written any fiction in English in god knows how many years, so my dialogue chops aren't really up to snuff.
Thank you for your work, nakulas!
(Nasu writes good introductions!)
I've added the first 2 (out of 3) parts of Archer's chapter: (****************************view/?2dhe47ug6xvr9l8). This time, we have an archetypal Nasuverse mage being an abominable person. Ah, joy.
The girl (Tiné) speaks in an _extremely_ deferential tone to Gilgamesh (a bit moreso than, say, Tokiomi, who himself used some serious 謙譲語 / humble language), and I'm having trouble coming up with sufficiently-honorific English translations. Thoughts on this would be appreciated.
Thanks for the translations.
Araya, what do you seek?
「アラヤ、何を求める」
------True wisdom.「――――真の叡智を」
Araya, where do you seek it?「アラヤ、何処に求める」
Only within myself.「――――ただ、己が内にのみ」
Araya, what is your favorite color?「アラヤ、好きな色は？」
Blue. No, ora-- Auuuuuuuugh!「青、いや、オレンジイイイイイアアアっ！」
Not Nasu. Guy who wrote Baccano.Originally Posted by Sherrinford
Nasu wrote the intro. Ya know, because it says so right after the intro.
Oooooo, I thought he meant the prologue.
very nice stuff
Archer's chapter is now done, and parts 1-2 (of 7) of Berserker's chapter are also included: (****************************view/wqvh3587yiy6q6i/). As a mechanical note, I switched the pdf to draft mode. What this means is that images won't be displayed, and there'll be some ugliness in the margins. This yields a filesize reduction from ~7 MB to ~100 KB, which is the main reason I did this (particularly since mediafire has an online pdf viewer now [which isn't all that good, honestly], and I noticed that it was loading kind of slowly). For the final release, of course, I'll switch it out of draft mode back to regular mode.
The highlight this time is Waver's interaction with his student, which is easily the funniest part of F/SF. I hope I managed to convey that in this translation.
I'm not really familiar with the formal register of English, but there's some stuff that sounds a bit weird:
"He lost his life and everything he had sacrificed for this war." sounds slightly better, I think?He lost his life and everything he sacrificed for this war.
The last sentence sounds adversative, "but to think that even he could brought to this state", maybe?Even one who had known Archer for some time would say that it was rare to see him so emotional. That king among all kings was quick to anger, and by no means level-headed—and to think that even he could brought to this state.
The period in the end shouldn't be there?And then, after he had had his fill of laughter—.
Ought to hear of?This is not a matter that the mongrels ought hear of.
Thus? (relevant)If you wish to become my subject, I shall command you thusly,
Just a nitpick, but it sounds weird to me to make a sentence out of a lone adverbial. "Fast forward a few years"? Or rejoin the adverbial to the sentence it modifies, like this "A few years later, as Flatt's..."A few years later. As Flatt’s magical talents developed, he came to surpass all the other students
***
great stuff as always
Last edited by aldeayeah; May 21st, 2013 at 06:57 AM.
1. Good call.
2. Also good call.
3. Narita uses ---. (dashes followed by a period) to terminate sentences. I wasn't sure if there was really an accepted convention in English for dealing with this particular punctuation situation, so I just did it the way it was in the original. Now that you mention it, though, it does look better in English to drop the period, so I'll do that. Nice catch.
4. "Ought hear" is a valid archaic form, so I'll keep that.
5. Huh. News to me; I'll change that.
6. Ah, yeah, that was me doing a stupidly literal translation of a bare noun phrase from the original Japanese. I'll change that.
Thanks for all of that! I definitely need to do another read through of this eventually to catch some of these stupid errors. (I heartily welcome other nitpicks of this sort from whoever feels like nitpicking, of course.)
I just noticed it should be "could be brought" not "could brought", that was an obvious typo
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