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Thread: Hello Nurse [One-shot/lemon]

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    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Hello Nurse [One-shot/lemon]

    It's one day after Valentines but frankly this was as close as I was getting. Anyways, here's that one lemon.

    The following is rated 18+, contains NSFW content.
    x x x

    It was just supposed to be another standard mission.

    The lone master of Chaldea had left with Dantes, Zhuge Liang, Nero - or rather Nero insisted on coming as to not getting upstaged by the relative newcomer Musashi. Vlad had nobly sacrificed whatever free time he had that day to care for Nero when she threw an inevitable strop and had to give her a new outfit to cheer her up.

    Although it was routine, none were in a stable mindset. With all the events that had recently occurred - all the veterans were drained, both physically and mentally. Each strike dealt was slower and weaker. The command and co-ordination of his forces was poor, he couldn't focus on what was transpiring around him with his chaotic thoughts clouding his mind. He felt his stomach growl as he tried not to think how long it had been since he had eaten anything. The constant work and maintenance meant stamina and command seal regeneration had been slow. What was meant to be routine was exhausting both physically and mentally, during a surprise attack by a pack of monsters they had lost trail of he was unprepared. He never saw that blow coming to the back of his head.

    As he began to come too, all he could smell was the overpowering stench of bleach. Although Chaldea's antiseptic halls had began to feel homely with the sheer volume of larger-than-life individuals that resided there, this place felt almost alien. Ritsuka scrunched his eyes at the overwhelming smell and bright white light that seeped through his closed eyelids.

    As he began blinking - acclimatising his eyes to the light, he tried to move his arms but he lacked the strength to lift himself up. Resigning himself to the bed, he slowly opened his eyes. He had to squint due to the sheer intensity of the light but regardless Ritsuka looked around to get a bearing of his surroundings.

    The room was pristine, with the white surfaces scrubbed and polished to the point where they were reflective. To the end of the bed he was laying in he could see a monitor beeping whilst an IV stand was placed to his side. The room was utterly immaculate and well organised but it was… empty, somehow devoid of life. If felt nothing like a room where the patient felt motivated to get better. Perhaps it was the feeling of how desolate the place felt or the residual stinging in the back of his skull but remaining in this room only made Ritsuka feel nauseous.

    Hearing the sound of the door open, a woman in a red military uniform walks through.

    Of course its Nightingale, who else would run this place now?

    The 'Nurse of Steel' held an expressionless face as ever, she said she was only concerned with the wounded and given that he was the only one still here - he would have her full attention for once.

    "Good morning" she say rather dryly, walking to Ritsuka's side with an empty expression. "I need to assess your condition, how do you feel?" The master of Chaldea laid back in his mattress.

    "I have a little headache and I feel a little sick." Ritsuka replies. Nightingale smiles sadly, placing the clipboard to the stand on the side of your bed before sitting next to him.

    "Common symptoms of head trauma. You have been coming in and out of consciousness for two days now, however I believe it is safe to say that is due to exhaustion." She turned to face him, on her face Ritsuka could see genuine concern before asking. "When was the last time you received adequate rest?"

    That was a good question actually. There was always something that needed doing or someone who wanted help. He couldn't just lay around and do nothing. Nightingale however interrupted his train of thought "Overwork leads to lack of energy and an inability to focus and perform." She said. "I'm prescribing you mandatory bed rest for the next few days for you to recover and re-evaluate your condition. That should heal you of your current ailments."

    Ritsuka nodded as he took the information in. Out of all the things that could have happened, he seemed to have gotten off lightly and of all the things that Nightingale could have done, mandatory bed rest was frankly the best he could have gotten. He was just thankful the nurse wasn't needlessly amputating anything.

    Nightingale called out as she walked out of the room. "I will now leave for routine decontamination of the rooms. If you require anything that you feel will comfort you or aid in your recovery, please let me know." She probably does that every hour or so. Ritsuka thought to himself.

    Ritsuka was very fortunate as the chefs of Chaldea made his food for the night. It was Boudicca's shift that particular day and due to the specifications she was given, he was treated to a hearty meal. It was rich with flavour and certainly a step up from the food patients are given in regular hospitals which often tasted as if they were left in the cold for a number of hours before being dragged through a dirty puddle.

    Apparently Nightingale wished to spray the food with disinfectant to ensure a germ-free environment for him and Mordred who was apparently a regular patron of the medical ward had persuaded her otherwise… Or so said Dantes, whom was the only one Nightingale allowed to serve him food. Ritsuka was pretty sure he was telling a tall tale but it was far more entertaining to roll with the story. After finishing his meal, he leaned back into the pillows as he felt himself become drowsy.

    Ritsuka woke to the relative 'comfort' of remaining in the hospital bed. The room was empty with no since of the nurse of steel, indeed the only sign of her he could see was a note that she left.

    "Visitation hours are from 2 till 8pm. I've left the room with minimal stimulus for you to properly relax your mind. Lunch will be served later at 2:30 due to Cu Chulainn starting a fight with the red Archer who was supposed to be handling your food today. You are to be left undisturbed by the faculty until meal times to prevent over stimulation.

    -Nightingale

    P.S

    Don't die."

    That made sense as to why there were no books, tv or… just about anything in the room aside from a clock Ritsuka thought to himself. It was 8:32 am, with just his thoughts until he was able to interact with anyone since Nightingale saw it fit to take away his phone as well. It was going to be a dull wait.


    As the minutes stretched into hours, Ritsuka found himself constantly shifting for something to do to pass time. Sighs became needlessly loud and dramatic, shuffling around in bed, slowly getting the dirt out from underneath his nails, examining the tips of his hair and imagining what styles Mephistopheles could do for him with those giant scissors of his.

    Eventually he couldn't bear the slow burn of boredom as he looked to see what the time was.

    9:14 am.

    Well shit.


    After what felt to be several dozen eternities, he heard a knock on the door. "Master." He could hear Nighingale call through the door. "Your visitors for the day are here."

    Does that mean I only see one person for a little while or a few hours straight? Ritsuka pondered. However once the doors opened, he knew his visitors would be staying with him as long as possible. He saw a mature older woman with a slender frame and large proportions walk in, followed by a thin woman adorned with a kimono and draconic horns. The trio was tailed off a violet haired girl wearing a black form-fitting outfit.

    ~Master~ Kiyohime, Raikou and Serenity call out in unison, leaping towards Ritsuka. He felt nothing but their hands clamouring around him and being jerked about between the three like a groups of children tugging at a doll because they all wanted to play with it. One moment he felt Kiyohime's horns poking into his chest, the next he felt himself being pulled into Raikou's embrace and getting a face full of… something. All he could hear was the pandemonium between these two while feeling the occasional touch of Serenity, poor girl was always cautious with contact and probably only wanted a hug unlike the other two. If what he had been complaining about was a lack of stimulation, this was too much - being tugged around like this only intensified his discomfort.

    Eventually, the three managed to get into a position they could agree on. Ritsuka resting his head on Raikou's lap with Kiyohime and Serenity laying either side, stroking and massaging him. Their bickering had also stopped, replaced now with gentle lulls to relax him. He could feel his breathing slow down with the trio's deft fingers working around him, rolling circles and pressing down in areas of tension. After a few minutes, he felt like he had escaped the hell earlier into a far more pleasant place. Just feeling the aches and pains slowly melt away under the tender hands of the three in these few minutes alone was far more soothing than the hours of solitude, the knots had all vanished for what seemed to be the first time since all these crazy events happened. All he really needed was a little scented oil on the back for him to be in heaven, just feeling this kind of release was enough to almost make him moan.

    In fact he felt he may have let one stifle out, because the behaviour of the three servants quickly changed altogether.

    "So." Kiyohime spoke, shifting her leg over to straddle Ristuka. "You like what we do to you?" Dragging her nails down his chest till he heard a 'chink' against his belt buckles. "You like feeling our bodies against yours?" she cooed out.

    Ritsuka began breathing more frantically, feeling Raikou's gentle but firm grip into his shoulders and Serenity gentle brushing his cheek. He could practically feel his heart beating out of his mouth as he felt the friction of the petite Berserker's hips slowly start to grind against his own and her amber gaze. "We all love you and we all want you to ourselves, but we just fought. We don't want you to be upset now~"

    "We came to an agreement between us" Serenity whispered in his ear sweetly. "We just want you to be happy, you've already done so much for us all."

    That was actually true, Ritsuka remembered meeting Serenity for the first time during their encounter in the Camelot singularity. He had helped to fight against Raikou's oni side during a battle on that dreaded mountain. As for Kiyohime… Ritsuka couldn't pinpoint what he had done to cause her fixation on him of all people, probably his lone status as master had probably helped in the matter.

    "You summoned me first, so I get you first <3" Kiyohime whined, as she moved to free him from the constraints of his clothes, her fingers desperately fumbling at the needless belt buckles across his chest. These three were certainly assertive but a united front could not have been predicted. He could not have denied that they were beautiful but he was always too busy to just sit down and talk with them. After Kiyohime and Raikou had managed to remove his shirt, without any prompting, Serenity propped up to Kiyohime's side and delicately removed the other woman's kimono, revealing her nakedness underneath. Ritsuka took hold of Kiyohime, pulling her down for a kiss with the Berserker's tongue diving into his mouth. The taste of the woman and the sensation of their skin touching each other was breathtaking.

    Feeling warmth flood to his loins as the friction Kiyohime created was causing his cock to harden, Ritsuka placed one hand on her hips and another on her back as he indulged in the moment, sure to treat her as she was treating him. He gave her arse a gentle squeeze with one hand while the other slid round to her chest as he started playing with her nipples as well. Ritsuka delighted in feeling her moan into his mouth, feeling that she wanted him, needed him.

    It was frustrating before, being surrounded by all these beautiful people but incapable of finding the actual time to talk to anyone for an extended period of time, let alone pursue a relationship. But he was here now. He pulled himself away from the kiss, head still laying down on Raikou. "So…" Ritsuka drawled out. "How are the we doing this?"

    With a lust filled expression, Serenity was the one to speak "Kiyohime will be the one to take you first" she said, pulling at her top till her breasts spilled out "Then Raikou, then myself."

    "Ideally we'd all have a few hours each, but you'd need time to recover darling" Raikou chimed in. "Young ones like yourself should be full of energy, but you're here to relax. We want you to be healthy and happy. As for what we do…"

    Raikou's voice trailed off, as did the other three as they all slowly turned their heads around. Ritsuka turned as well and saw why the three were silent. The must have nurse had decided to check up on them given the noise, Nightingale certainly didn't seem happy.

    After the trio had decided to leave quietly after realising a fight at such close quarters would likely harm the sole master of Chaldea, Nightingale had decided to revoke visiting hours to prevent such an event occurring again. Apparently the three were a hazard to his health.

    Ritsuka had given up, realising he would spend the rest of his time in the hospital likely in complete solitude. He had no idea why on earth the likes of Arjuna would wish for such a thing. Long after the lighting of the premises had dimmed, signalling that it was the 'night' cycle he eventually succumbed to sleep. Laying on his side and curled up into a ball, he did not hear the sound of the door opening to reveal a servant walking in to see him. Rocking from side to side with the light shining in Ritsuka's face, the discomfort was enough to wake him up to see Nightingale close the door and walk to his bedside.

    "Nurgh, what is it" Ritsuka groaned.

    "Master" Nightingale asked curtly "Do you find me attractive?"

    The question flustered Ritsuka "W-well you see… um, you're a lovely person and dedicated to your-"

    He quickly found himself silenced with a finger on his lips. "Yes or no."

    "Uhm-"

    "Have you ever been intimate with another?" she asked again, this time in a softer tone. No matter what, Ritsuka could never seem to get a read on the servant. She was a grown woman while he had only recently become an adult. He was always honest while Nightingale always seemed to be talking to herself instead of being in actual conversation. This seemed a little different. She was waiting for his answer and not proceeding ahead of him. However before he could give an actual answer, he finds her lips upon hers, taking a similar assertive role the other women had done earlier. This was far less passionate and hungry in nature. Almost chaste even. Giving a slight nod Nightingale made a parting movement and gentle moved her tongue forwards.

    Nightingale's touch was far more delicate but by no means was this new sensation unlikable by any circumstances. Before he can talk, she hushes him with second kiss, then a third. Each one longer and more tender than the last. The way she felt his hand grip themselves onto her hips and pulling her closer rather than away answered her first question far more honestly than his words ever could. But the second question however was yet unanswered.

    As Nightingale pulled away, Ritsuka gazed at her face before mumbling out his answer "Nightingale, is this-"

    "Fine. It is all good." She said, having swung up and sat on him lap. "I've now diagnosed the cause of the actual accident itself. Sexual frustration."

    It was clear that her master had either little or no experience in the bedroom. Risuka just wished that she hadn't said that while sitting on his lap, but a horrid thought suddenly came to mind, turning his face white and sending a chill up his spine. "You're not g-going to amputate it?"

    "That is not my answer for everything" Nightingale replied in earnest "Although it would immediately reduce libido, the resulting blood loss, shock and demoralisation would reduce your effectiveness in the field. This would lead to obtaining more injuries or worse. Regardless, prevention is better than curing anyways."

    Ritsuka let out a deep sigh of relief. He wouldn't have put it past Nightingale to do that. He wasn't sure however of what she meant by 'Prevention'.

    "Now Master. Upon summoning the latest addition to Chaldea, did you find her attractive?" The nurse asked.

    Ritsuka simply nodded in reply.

    "Now if I had not intervened earlier" she continued "Would you have proceeded with the three from earlier?" Ritsuka blushed, almost too embarrassed to answer. However after a moment, he gave a reluctant nod.

    The nurse smiled, almost taking on a different character as Ristuka was trapped by the sensuality of her smile, now more reminiscent of Kiyohime earlier. Nightingale reached down to the waistband of the shorts he had worn to bed before slowly pulling them down and freeing his erection and taking a gentle hold of it after removing her gloves.

    Ritsuka felt the urge to kiss her but he hesitated when Nightingale's gaze fell upon his cock as she began stroking it. It was almost embarrassing for Ritsuka, watching her slowly lower her head towards his lap and her lips became achingly close to the tip before engulfing it. "Relax now and let me prescribe you."

    She started steady and slow, letting her warm mouth work its way down, happily sucking before withdrawing and advancing again, letting each deliberate moan and purr work him up. It was slow, tender and an incredibly affectionate gesture. Each move was made with precision, making sure each one caused Ritsuka to twist with pleasure.

    "Fuck" he groaned, carefully placing a hand at the back of her head, keeping in time with each bob. His fingers tangled in her hair, watching down in awe. Eventually she began to move quicker and moved her hand as well to jerk at the shaft while Nightingale began sucking the head at a faster and faster pace. Ritsuka couldn't help but moan in delight. Nightingale moaned in turn as she started moving more aggressively and loudly, getting the same reaction as he cried out in unison. "I… I think I'm getting close" he mewled out "I'm… don't stop, don't stop~"

    Nightingale's movements had gotten sloppy in display, almost as if she had put on a show for him, taking as much as he could handle. She knew he was close but wasn't slowing down to prolong it, he needed release badly and she was here to perform a service. Hearing him call out her name one last time, she felt his cock twitch one last time before he let loose and shot off in her mouth. She gentle let her mouth massage the last of his cum before lifting her head off his cock and swallowed.

    A moment of exhaustion passed as Ritsuka sat up and caught his breath. Nightingale rose to meet his level, he reached out to cup Nightingale's cheek and gave a quick kiss. It was a little chaste, closer to a 'thank you' than another expression of passion though he still felt the salty taste of his own release, not that it was off putting.

    "That was amazing" he whispered "D-do you want to keep going? Want me to repay the favour?" Nightingale glanced down to see that indeed Ritsuka was still erect, and so saw no problem with continuing.

    "If you don't mind then" Ritsuka said "Could you turn around?"

    Nightingale swung her legs around so that he was still straddled by her but this time with her back to him after sliding her boots, leggings and underwear. She fully expected to be bent over while he took control for the next session of treatment or to have her ride him, she did not expect however, to feel him take hold of her hips and pull her back so that she was resting on his face.

    "M-master," Nightingale gasped out "aren't you just supposed to be receiving for tonight?"

    The nurse could just about hear his muffled voice from underneath her. "It’s not fair on you if you just give, I need to do my share as well. And anyways, I want to make you feel good too."

    Taking hold of the Berserkers firm derrière and pressing his fingers into her creamy flesh, Ritsuka eagerly pulled her down and started eating her out. His tongue traced up and down along the entrance of her slit, licking up the sweet nectar that was there. Nightingale let out a slight gasp as she felt his tongue press into her, stroking up and down at a brisk pace. She found herself digging her nails into his chest just to ground herself, biting her lip even as her thighs tightened around his head, but this only seemed to press Ritsuka further on.

    "Mmmph~rumf" she could barely hear him murmur out from underneath her thighs. Given his recent actions, she was safe in assuming what he meant to say was along the lines of 'Do you like that?' The muffled question was met in turn was met with Berserker hastily removing her jacket and fumbling at the buttons. After her breasts were freed, she leaned down and started moving back and forth, aggressively grinding against her masters face forcing him to lick the clitoris at just the right angle while she pressed her ample sized tits together to once again rub at his dick. Feeling him moan in delight showed it was working wonders but she had a considerable head start on herself this time and every word out of Ritsuka's mouth just stimulated her further, making her shiver with anticipation.

    His tongue lashed against her clit and he started sucking in turn. The closer Nightingale got, the louder she became, shuddering and moaning that made Ritsuka quiver. Words finally slipped from her mouth as she finally let out a cry of pleasure. Ritsuka listened to every moan, every new cry of pleasure and the feeling of satisfaction was immense as the cries of bliss pressured him on. Nightingale had given up on getting him off, her mind to unfocused. She rose up and arched her back, pressing her full weight down as he moaned into her.

    However as good as his instincts were, Ritsuka's technique simply needed more experience and neither were going to get closer to release as it was. So she lifted herself up off of him and swivelled around asked a simple question. "Ready?"

    Ritsuka was flustered, looking down and seeing that Nightingale had already lined the two of them up and the tip was on the verge of entry "R-ready?"

    "Yes," Nightingale replies upon rising and kissing him once more "I'm enjoying this moment with you, Master. I want to make you feel good, I want to feel you inside me."

    "W-will I need any protection?" Ritsuka asked, knowing the nurse's tendencies for keeping things clear and bacteria free.

    "That will not be necessary" Nightingale said "Servants cannot get impregnated and likewise we do not receive normal disease like regular humans. You could finish on my body if you wished but that would create risk of contaminating the room." Ritsuka nodded and Nightingale now took the now familiar position atop him, positioning herself just above his cock. "Ready?" She asks, but given all that had happened that night she already had her answer. The pair both nod before she aligns them both just right and slowly lowers herself onto him. Ritsuka slid in easily till he was fully engulfed within Nightingale. After descending, there was no real need to start slow, but Nightingale did regardless to prolong pleasure for them both.

    "You've done so much for me master." Nightingale cooed, "Let me take control."

    It was more of a statement than a request. She quickly took hold of the teens wrists and pressed them into the bed, pinning him underneath her. They both breathe faster as she picked up the pace bouncing up and down on him, their hips colliding with an audible 'smack' at every hard thrust. Letting go of her grip on his wrists, she moved down to his abs with one, the other took Ritsuka's own hand to grasp at her round and bobbing boobs. As Master and Servant both cupped them, she moans out with Ritsuka slowly thrusting up in time with her own movements.

    So soft, he mumbles to himself, lacking energy for speech.

    "Fuuuck~." He cried out as he felt her tighten around her. Nightingale must have heard, giving a wicked smile before gyrating her hips clockwise then leaning back away from him ad she slid up and down him again. It was endearing watching him write underneath her, though she did have experience in the physical act of love, she had never been with someone in this situation before, it was exciting and it was obvious that he felt a rush of exhilaration he likely never had before. Letting one hand go of her chest to take a hold of her hips and granting him more control over her body as he pushed himself as deep into her folds as possible with every thrust. It was the Berserker's turn to moan, feeling his hot length drive in faster. She looks down to find his eyes half-lidded, his breathing was faster, grip tighter. He was close.

    "I-I'm-"

    And with a final twitch, Ritsuka let loose a mighty howl as she slammed down, the shots pumping into Nightingale before giving her one last squeeze before slumping back. He was drained of energy and sweat. But he didn't care They were together. At this moment, the bed may as well have been the entire world.

    "Did you enjoy yourself?" she asked quietly, herself visibly more tired as well. Then, gently pulled her hips up off of him, leaving a trail of wetness between where their bodies had met. She saw that his erection was completely slick as well. She laid beside him while his breathing returned to its normal pace as she laid kisses across his collarbone, neck and chest before grinding against him. "Do you want to go again?"
    His erection springing up with a youthful vigour, his answer was an obvious yes.

    "Do you want to top?" she asks. She knew well he likely hadn't done so before and that the next few minutes would absolve them both of any frustration. His body was calling up for a dominant move with its actions even if Ritsuka said nothing. If it was his first time, it would likely feel just that much better should they climax and if not, it would feel good all the same. She had been getting built up herself…

    Ritsuka climbed on top of her almost feverishly, taking his penis in hand before lining up with Nightingale and slowly pushing forwards into her folds. Looking at her, he could see the mess he had made of her hair. He had never looked at her this way, the sexed up hair combined with her curvaceous, sweating body and large breasts all made a luscious image. Nightingale was beautiful and tonight it was just them. Slipping all the way into her, he began to thrust back and forth. Her folds were already loosened and aroused by his licking and being mounted by her earlier so the action was significantly easier than what one may previously expect as he entered her.

    He was going to be on his last legs and he had no idea how long Nightingale had been close to the edge. Nightingale smiled. It was a pure and happy expression, not one out of duty like the fake smiles of students suffering in retail work or wealthy bankers who lived lives of luxury while not caring about the problems of others. This wasn't a nurse next to him merely giving a 'treatment'. This moment was more, she was more.

    Ritsuka lost composure as he pushes into her deep, thrusting hard at the quickest pace he can handle. She can feel his arms tremble next to him,.clenching again as he consistently brushes against her g-spot. Her expression is euphoric, bucking her hips against his and wrapping her arms and legs around him, locking Ritsuka in deep.

    "Ahh, Fuck me. Nngh." She gasped into his ear. Her voice sultry and rich like never before. Her slick pussy felt so incredible wrapped against him and Nightingale likewise felt amazing, with all the work her had done on him, she had been aroused for a long time with the need building further for more they did but now she knew she was at her limit. She bucked her hips in delight and writhed against him, the action making them both cry with delight. They kissed again, fiery and passionate like their lovemaking. The pleasure was bright as Nightingale's limit was reached and was hit by her orgasm.

    Nightingale squealed, squealed with delight as she lost herself into the moment of pleasure and let loose sounds of pure bliss, pushing Ritsuka over the edge. He gave a last needy thrust as he pumped his last load into her as he twitch and fired, leaving them in the ecstasy of the afterglow.

    With the two finally exhausted, Ritsuka slowly pulled out and panted heavily atop Nightingale, who seemed equally breathless before he closed his eyes and lay next to her, smiling like a love struck idiot.

    "I believe it's safe to say you've been cured." Nightingale said softly, still basking in the lingering pleasure.

    "Thank you." he replied "But seriously, how did you pull that off?"

    "With my Body Comprehension skill, I know the precise method to attack the human body alongside all its workings." Nightingale replied. The matter-of-fact answer almost made Ritsuka laugh.

    "So um, Nightingale… do you want to watch a movie at some point?" He asked weakly, still feeling a little light headed.
    Nightingale had a quizzical look across her face "Like a date?"

    "Not 'Like a Date', a date."

    After a moment of consideration, she answered.

    "I would not be objected to that" She replied. "I have a mandatory few days break starting Friday night at 8:00pm. Some examined exercise could be beneficial for your health and it would be better if I examined the regimen myself to evaluate your condition."

    Ritsuka took it as her way of saying yes. The couple nestled up together, pulled up the blanket that had long since been tossed to the side and then allowing themselves to fall into sleep. They would deal the Kiyohime and Raikou's shenanigans when he was discharged.

    x x x

    "Oh… my…" Mash said, far too hot under the collar.

    She had seen Jeanne Alter accidentally leave her tablet behind, she just wanted to return it. She hadn't noticed that it was left unlocked, she didn't mean to glance. But then again that one glance was all it took. She had no idea the Avenger wrote this kind of lewd material!

    It wasn't perfect, a bit cliché and had a few flaws to say the least but it wasn't like she could tell Jeanne that she accidentally came across this.

    There were all sorts of projects on here with so many people paired up! There were ones that seemed to make sense in the actual works such as Kojiro/Martha as a pairing, ones that made significantly less sense to Mash such as a half complete lemon on Medb and herself … then there were a plethora of self inserts Jeanne Alter made with the likes of; Arjuna, Siegfried, Alexander, Vlad and more. There was even one piece called 'Vengeful Valkyries' which Mash assumed was written about Jeanne Alter and Brunhildr. It seemed that all the pieces of smut had captions and notes on them aside from those self inserts, it seemed that whoever her beta reader was refused to read those. Given the Avenger's social circle it was either Gilles or Dantes. Probably not Gilles though considering his fixation.

    After reading some of her work, the least she could do was to give the tablet back with positive reinforcement or to give her some stuff in return. But that would show Jeanne that she had been snooping! In the end she decided to just return the tablet, but not before she saved some of the material for herself.

    There was a cosplay piece with Mash and the lone master of Chaldea that Jeanne had written back in Halloween that caught her mind.
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; February 16th, 2017 at 06:21 AM. Reason: Spacing

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    https://youtu.be/W3KYx1WDqBw Raylen Cypher's Avatar
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    Yes. I catched some misspellings and run on sentences here and there that need fixing. Other than that, since it's the first Nightingale smut in existence (exaggeration here), it's good. I was honestly thinking it was going to lead elsewhere with the My Room Trio, lol. Also...

    There was a cosplay piece with Mash and the lone master of Chaldea that Jeanne had written back in Halloween that caught her mind.
    dem meta references
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    A world where tragedy is the only measure by which a narrative holds value is not one I am going to live in even where the circumstances in a particular work are tragic.
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    If an adult themed work can have graphic slaughter and the like, it can have sex. Just do it competently if you want to go explicit.
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    How dare you she's a married woman
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    No but why ask him to pull out right before the end tbh
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    God is dead and I'm gonna kiss all his cute girl saints
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  5. #5
    Hey! Are you ready to go? RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Okay, that was pretty good. My eyes kind of skimmed over some of the more detailed sexual parts, but overall it was a nice mix of erotic, sentimental and humorous.

    I got a kick out of the ending as well, particularly since it reminded me so much of how I ended my Flip Flappers smut fic. Were you inspired perchance?

  6. #6
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raylen Cypher View Post
    Yes. I catched some misspellings and run on sentences here and there that need fixing. Other than that, since it's the first Nightingale smut in existence (exaggeration here), it's good. I was honestly thinking it was going to lead elsewhere with the My Room Trio, lol. Also...
    Sometimes my laptop gets the american and english spellings mixed up which can be a bit of a pain. I was tempted to take the My Room Trio further but I figured just teasing worked better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raylen Cypher View Post
    dem meta references
    When I decided on how I was going to finish the fic with Jalter as the writer (a headcanon I've had since the fake servant/da vinci event), I figured I had to link it to that or the Jalter fic that IRUN wrote around Christmas.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Okay, that was pretty good. My eyes kind of skimmed over some of the more detailed sexual parts, but overall it was a nice mix of erotic, sentimental and humorous.
    Yeah, I wanted to do more than just pure raunchiness. It was a direction I considered but this was far more fun to write.

  7. #7
    https://youtu.be/W3KYx1WDqBw Raylen Cypher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bird of Hermes View Post
    When I decided on how I was going to finish the fic with Jalter as the writer (a headcanon I've had since the fake servant/da vinci event), I figured I had to link it to that or the Jalter fic that IRUN wrote around Christmas.
    I thought it was from this one-shot that's in one of the official F/GO anthologies.

    There were some spots where it looked like the format didn't space out the paragraphs properly, too.
    Quotes
    Quote Originally Posted by Prix of Heroes
    A world where tragedy is the only measure by which a narrative holds value is not one I am going to live in even where the circumstances in a particular work are tragic.
    Quote Originally Posted by Snow
    If an adult themed work can have graphic slaughter and the like, it can have sex. Just do it competently if you want to go explicit.
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    How dare you she's a married woman
    Quote Originally Posted by savepoints View Post
    No but why ask him to pull out right before the end tbh
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  8. #8
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Huh, well that's a happy accident. I must have missed that one earlier. That issue should be addressed now.

    And yeah, transferring it all over from word was a pain.
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; February 16th, 2017 at 06:22 AM.

  9. #9
    Don't @ me if your fanfic doesn't even have Shirou/Illya shipping k thnx ItsaRandomUsername's Avatar
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    Charming and pleasant, no qualms here.

    That bit with the Yan Trio really got to me, though. I hope you're happy :V
    McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
    My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.



  10. #10
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsaRandomUsername View Post
    Charming and pleasant, no qualms here.

    That bit with the Yan Trio really got to me, though. I hope you're happy :V
    Thanks for the kind words, glad you liked it.

  11. #11
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six Bird of Hermes's Avatar
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    [Disappointing Second Chapter removed for much needed Rewrite]
    Last edited by Bird of Hermes; May 25th, 2017 at 01:17 PM. Reason: i'm doing y'all a favour

  12. #12
    https://youtu.be/W3KYx1WDqBw Raylen Cypher's Avatar
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    Forgot to comment before I went to sleep when you posted this.

    Anyways, you all can thank/blame Raylen for this.


    Yeah, this 2nd chapter could definitely use a rewrite. Most would probably go for the technical aspect when they say that, but for me, I'm going to point at your pacing. You have the ability to make a minute last an eternity, and an eternity last a single minute. Boil an epic story down to a single sentence, and a single line of thought into a grand adventure. This is the Illusion of Progress.

    An easy aspect would be Nightingale having a busy schedule. Stretch it to give off that sense of packed day or week with no leeway. There was the debacle with Mordred and Kintoki and the point could have started from there. Everytime the target pair wants to be together, something interrupts them. Keep it going like that, but not to the degree the reader feels frustrated and just skims or puts down the book. After that buildup, then you deliver the climax like a shaken 2-liter soda bottle (a-hyuk).

    After all, one of the key points/themes you seem to go with this is relieving stress.
    Last edited by Raylen Cypher; May 2nd, 2017 at 04:12 PM. Reason: Back to back lewd advice.
    Quotes
    Quote Originally Posted by Prix of Heroes
    A world where tragedy is the only measure by which a narrative holds value is not one I am going to live in even where the circumstances in a particular work are tragic.
    Quote Originally Posted by Snow
    If an adult themed work can have graphic slaughter and the like, it can have sex. Just do it competently if you want to go explicit.
    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post
    How dare you she's a married woman
    Quote Originally Posted by savepoints View Post
    No but why ask him to pull out right before the end tbh
    Quote Originally Posted by Kotonoha View Post
    God is dead and I'm gonna kiss all his cute girl saints
    Quote Originally Posted by castor212 View Post
    MAMA BURST
    A Writer's Fate
    F/GO JP (Updated: 4/11/2019)

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