Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[kiwi]

good golly gosh would i loooove monthly instead

[asterism42]

Submission deadline is in two hours, after which voting will open and will last a week

saying it now as i'll be unavailable later

[Hound of Ulster]

Name: Cadmus

Title(s): King of Order (King of Curses), The First Greek Hero

Class: Gatekeeper

Other Classes: Lancer, Caster

Gender: Male

Place of Origin: Ancient Greece

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Attribute: Earth

Armament: Fists (Claws), Armor (Scales), Words (Curses)

Keywords

1 - Gatekeeper
Defender Class possessing the class skills Magic Resistance and Territory Fortification. A prototype class within the Fuyuki Grail System designed to defend the Greater Grail itself, overseeing that the ritual shall go as planned, and acting as a safeguard in case the grail is threatened. Its secondary purpose is to ensure that the Grail has received all seven sacrifices in order for the ritual to reach its conclusion. In other words, the "final boss encounter." However, such a class has been made obsolete by the Ruler class and the usage of Command Spells. Heroic Spirits who meet the qualifications of Gatekeeper are defenders of Human Civilization, those whose legends involve the defense of Human Order itself, with qualifying heroes including Gilgamesh, Heracles, Sir Kay, and Hadrian.

2 - Ismenian Dragon
Defender of the sacred spring of Ares, and one of the God of War's favored children, a great venomous serpent with three rows of teeth and a three forked tongue. It is the slaying of the Ismenian Dragon by the hero Cadmus that brought forth the birth of Thebes, for it was the grounds of the land it was protecting that served as the city's foundation. Perhaps Cadmus being hailed as "the first Greek hero" for the slaying of the Ismenian Dragon is due to his nature as a culture hero of Ancient Greece. The act of a culture hero slaying a serpentine monster of chaos associated with water is a theme that is made famous throughout mythology. For civilization and order to flourish, chaos must first be thwarted. Undertaking such a task could be called a curse for such a hero to be burdened with. Cadmus, who had turned into a serpent not unlike the dragon that he had slain, could be said to have been a victim of such a phenomenon.

3 - The Phoenician Alphabet
Cadmus is hailed as having brought the Phoenician Alphabet to Ancient Greece. This alphabet served as the origin for the language of Ancient Greece. Language is utilized to transfer thoughts and ideas, but also serves as a primary vector for curses, allowing one to acknowledge and to be acknowledged, to compliment and to be complimented, to insult and to be insulted. One popular way of cursing others in Ancient Greece was to write the name of a victim alongside the curse the writer wished for the victim to suffer onto lead tablets. By bringing the Eastern alphabet to the West, it could be said that Cadmus is also a bringer of curses.

Lore

The legendary founder of Thebes, Cadmus was a prince of Phoenicia who was sent by his father along with his many brothers to the West to find his sister, Europa, who was taken by Zeus. Among his brothers who had all settled in different portions of Ancient Greece, it was Cadmus who did not stop his search for his sister. It was only due to a prophecy given by the oracle of Delphi that Cadmus would stop his search, instead tasked with following a special cow until it would lay down and rest. It was this place that the cow would rest at that Cadmus would build a city on. Cadmus did as followed, and planned to sacrifice the cow to Athena. He sent his traveling companions to the nearby spring in order to obtain water. When his companions had failed to return, Cadmus made his search for them.

Upon entering the Ismenian Spring, Cadmus had beholden the fate of his men, slaughtered by the spring's protector, a serpentine beast as great as the tallest tree. A sense of vengeance overcame Cadmus who fought and slew the beast as it was feeding on his former friends. Cadmus did not know the repercussions of the slaying of the serpent until after it slipped off his lance, invoking the wrath of Ares, who would later force Cadmus to serve him for an eternal year. At that moment however, it was Athena who had informed Cadmus to sow the serpent's fangs into the Earth as he mourned for his companions.

As the dragon's teeth were sown, fierce warriors sprung out from the Earth, an occurance that spooked Cadmus. As a reaction, he threw a rock amongst the sown men, causing them all to fight amongst eachother until five remained. It was these five sown men- Echion, Udaeus, Chthonius, Hyperenor, and Pelorus- that would help Cadmus build the city of Thebes. And after an eternal year of servitude to Ares, Cadmus was given a wife, the goddess Harmonia, and a feast was in order to celebrate their wedding. Cadmus and Harmonia had been given many gifts by the gods, the most notable being a necklace crafted by Hephaestus himself, said to ensure that any young women who would wear it would remain forever beautiful. At the same time, it carried a terrible curse...

Cadmus ruled Thebes as its king for many years, defending the city from threats such as barbarians and monsters. It was near his old age that Cadmus had chosen to abdicate the throne, passing the responsibility down to his grandson Penthus. Not soon after Cadmus left the thrown, however, chaos and tragedy had erupted within Thebes and its royal family. It was through the tragedy that had afflicted his family that filled Cadmus with guilt, the regret of slaying the serpent was once again brought fourth. And so, at the end of his life, he was turned into a serpent, becoming the very same thing he had slain earlier on in his life.

If one were to slay monsters, one must be careful that they themselves don't become a monster.

Character

A man of few words, as he is aware of the curses that could entail from such words. A dutiful king who serves both the gods and his subjects faithfully, believing firmly in the advancement of human order. As a Gatekeeper, the desire to defend order is taken to the forefront. However, Cadmus is plagued with guilt for his actions as well as the curse that sprung forth from them. Due to the weight of this guilt compounded by the disastrous fate of his royal line, he has firmly adopted the role of a "Demon King", serving as nothing more than a tyrant for the people to scorn and a dragon for the hero to slay. If being a hero brought him this much ruin, he would be better off living as a villain, instead.

Parameters

STR: B

END: A

AGI: D

MGI: A

LCK: -

Class Skills

Territory Fortification: A+
The primary class skill of Gatekeeper. Allows the designation and fortification of a domain Conceptually similar to a Caster's Territory Creation skill, the designated domain aides one's abilities as a defender and combatant, rather than as a magus. In Cadmus's case he is capable of fortifying his territory on the level of a Fortress, granting him a boost to combat capabilities and allowing the deployment of his primary Noble Phantasm, Amphion and Zethus. Plus corrections are added to denote that Cadmus is capable of extending and fortifying his territory through the familiars created by Spartoi Ismenios.

Magic Resistance: A
Cancels spells of A-Rank or below, incapable of being harmed by modern magi. In other words, a "Magus Killer." Due to the effects of Dragonkind Modification, Cadmus carries significantly high draconic attributes, granting him a naturally high resistance to magical effects.

Personal Skills

Carrier of the Letter: A+
Personal skill of Cadmus, who had brought the Phoenician alphabet from the East to the West, which was later adapted by the Greeks to form their own alphabet and onwards, serving as the progenitor of the Latin alphabet, the most widely used script in the world. A rare "cheat" skill that allows Cadmus to improve upon existing concepts by means of bestowing "Human Civilization" (to advance and to develop) with words alone. Fortifications become sturdier, weapons are made deadlier, maids become cuter, etc. At this level, the bestowment of language can be considered a blessing (curse), and even the degredation of concepts is possible. In other words, a form of attack can be performed by means of words alone.

Charisma: B++
Composite skill consisting of a person's charm and talent to command or unify an army, increasing the morale of allies in group battles. Allows one to sufficiently lead a nation as its king. Plus corrections are granted both due to Cadmus's role as a civilization founder (granting modifiers to leading others in building) and as the first to sow the Ismenian Dragon's teeth (granting modifiers to lead the Spartoi). Because of these factors, his charm has developed into a form of curse. Communication is a vector for curses to travel as it includes the acknowledgement of others, and one could say communication itself is a curse, allowing one to acclaim, but also to decry.

Dragonkind Modification: EX
The designation of being a member of Dragonkind, the strongest class of Phantasmal Species. In death, Cadmus was said to have transformed to a serpent similar to the Ismenian Dragon, a cursed existence brought forth by its slaying. Curses that afflict Cadmus may instead shift Cadmus's existence closer to that of the Ismenian Dragon, granting him abilities such as the dragon's immense strength or its ability to expel magical energy in bursts. By the usage of this skill in combination with his other skills, Cadmus is able to curse himself to further this transformation. However, the more this skill is utilized, the more Cadmus's status as a Heroic Spirit degrades.

Noble Phantasms

Name: Spartoi Ismenios

Title: Draconic Seeds, Spring Forth Civilization

Rank: B

NP Type: Anti-Army

Range: -

Maximum Number of Targets: 800 people

The teeth of the Ismenian Dragon sown by Cadmus under the direction of Athena, an act which brought forth the sown men of the Earth, the Spartoi. The origin to a form of magecraft originating in Greece in which Cadmus is the first to perform. By sowing the seeds of a dragon into the Earth, the creation of Dragon Tooth Warriors is possible. Rank-and-file soldiers imbued with the magical energy of dragons and given knowledge from the Earth, they are a sort of familiar that specialize in serving as low-cost disposable minions. However, because they are utilized by their "original creator," they do sport their own unique traits that set them apart from Dragon Tooth Warriors. Bones are harder, movements are swifter, and most notably, they sport a modicum of intelligence that the generic sort don't possess, fighting with tactics that, while simple, are significantly above the likes of other combat familiars, born from a mix of their natural ingenuity along with Cadmus's skills at leadership. A deadly surprise for a group of level five adventurers. Their abilities don't extend to combat either, as they are capable of performing other tasks such as building simple constructs and extending Cadmus's domain.

Because the teeth being used are the original teeth belonging to the Ismenian Dragon, one particularly unique feature of this Noble Phantasm is the creation of the five Spartoi that helped build the city of Thebes with Cadmus, serving as the ancestors to the royal line of Thebes. These familiars, denoted as Dragon Tooth Knights, serve as Cadmus's lieutenants, capable of advanced thought processes and combat ability, also possessing the ability to lead the Dragon Tooth Warriors. While they are still incomparable to the likes of Servants, they are still more than capable of giving enemy Servants a hard time, especially in numbers or with an army in tow. It is important to note that while they are capable of being healed by simply replacing any destroyed portions of their bodies, they cannot be brought back easily if they are completely destroyed. It could be said that the production of a familiar with the capabilities of a Dragon Tooth Knight is akin to "drawing a five-star ultra rare character" in a collectible game.

Name: Amphion and Zethus

Title: Seven-Gated City of Curses

Rank: A

NP Type: Anti-World

Range: 0~99

Maximum Number of Targets: 1000 people

Gate of Thebes.

A Noble Phantasm named after the two kings who built its very walls. Thebes, one of the first cities of Ancient Greece and a cradle of civilization, was also destroyed and reconstituted by savages and barbarians. The royal line of Thebes was forever cursed to a cycle of tragedy. The origin of this curse is the bond between Cadmus and Harmonia, the linking of the East (Phoenicia) and the West (Greece), and the gift of a cursed necklace bestowed by the God Hephaestus. Before this city was founded, Cadmus had slain the Ismenian Dragon, bringing Order to the land that shall be Thebes. At the end of his life, the curse that afflicted his family had turned him into a serpent not unlike the dragon that he had slain, a being of Chaos. This cycle of order and chaos, of civilization and ruin, and of tragedy is crystallized into Cadmus's Noble Phantasm as Gatekeeper.

Thebes, a city that has suffered through the divine curse of tragedy granted to its rulers, has become a nexus for curses to be collected, its walls serving as a means of collecting these curses. At the same time, Thebes is a center of culture, its founder bringing the alphabet to Greece, therefore creating a vector in which curses are given and received. By means of language and communication, these curses can be controlled and propogated within the city's walls, and even simple phrases can be twisted into powerful curses. By utilizing his Personal Skills, Cadmus is capable of creating a phenomenon similar to Night of Wallachia, utilizing curses in place of malignant information as a means of enforcing the order of Thebes. Everything within Cadmus's domain is designated as a part of Thebes, contained within the confines of this Noble Phantasm. This includes Cadmus himself, shouldering the burdens of his city. It could be said that because Thebes is a cursed city and Cadmus was cursed to become like a dragon, this Noble Phantasm is likened to that of a dragon's lair and the cursed hoard that it contains.

Creator Notes

Ah, my first contest sheet. I wanted to write alot more, namely elaborating on the Character section as well as writing some Relationship Quotes, but time go the better of me. Exams and deadlines are a killer. Anyway, enjoy my very last-minute entry into the contest.

[Comun]

Literally at the last minute. Congrats, Ulster.

[Hound of Ulster]

Literally at the last minute. Congrats, Ulster.

Yep, thanks! Thought I had time for the day, but both classes I had today held me back longer than normal due to the new term. There's a few things I wanted to address, like the synergy between the two Noble Phantasms and a whole Tactics section, but I might just complete and port it to the CaS thread that once voting week is complete, for posterity.

[Kabalisto Koga]

Yep, thanks! Thought I had time for the day, but both classes I had today held me back longer than normal due to the new term. There's a few things I wanted to address, like the synergy between the two Noble Phantasms and a whole Tactics section, but I might just complete and port it to the CaS thread that once voting week is complete, for posterity.

your Cadmus is gotten very good also i can feel with thetime pressure you had , correct me if i am wrong but habent you made already a Lancer Version of him ? out of curiousity have you seen my Teshub servant i would be curious to hear your oppinion ? and i would recomend that you make a blog with the index of your made servants ?

[Morg van Destro]

Then, is it time to vote?

[Kabalisto Koga]

This Servant is truly ridiculous (in the good way). I love the concept of a Servant class dedicated to legends that were almost completely lost but somehow managed to survive enough that we know about them. I must say that I found it hard to decipher the Background/Personality section due to your somewhat unfirm grasp on English (no offense), this was not the case for the Skills and NP sections (for the most part). I will say I think you overexplained Chaoskämpfer to the point that I felt like you were regurgitating information I could have inferred from previous statements, but Taru Tauris was not like that, so it balances it out a little.

I admire the time it must have taken you to research and create this Servant, as well as your creativity in bringing him to life. If I'm being honest, I don't see him being summoned in a war due to his nature (I.E. being almost lost to time), but he'd certainly be a force to reckon with.

Unless he fought Nobunaga. She would destroy him (but that can be said for most Servants from mythical times).

Thank you for you reaction and review ,About the Servant class ,the Remainer class is actually more wider as example wise Arthoria would /has qualifications for the class just besides .

About the Details in Chaoskämpfer sorry there was i basically in the thril of writing that you can perhaps understand the Feeling were your Imagination Shines . i just overdid it .

About the amount of Research yeah i dived Deep into te mythologic Lores and will in the next days make perhaps oe or two Thunder profiles in the normal servant thread.

Also i know that he is beyond the "powerhouse " title but this is outbalanced that in a regular Grailwar System he is nearly not summonable . As you must know i imagine my servants in a anime like Fashion and not in a Grand order way so do i think that the power of servants is balanced by either their personality flaws or that to summon them at first is difficult as they Need some Special or uniue catalysts or circumstance to come forth. and as lttle hint an summoning sytem that could summon him is the same as in my Fate Hokkaido jiken Story.

Also i saw now your Macbeth and Vortigern both are really good let me guess the defeat him and his noblephantasm would be a Dagger helpfull and convenient ?

About your Vortigern i am curious how he would think of my Teshub ?

[asterism42]

Then, is it time to vote?

has the deadline passed?

[Morg van Destro]

has the deadline passed?

I suppose so

[Kabalisto Koga]

I suppose so

i think also .

[Morg van Destro]

3 Points

Louisette (Saver)-What I knew would be the top pick for me the moment I saw her. One of my favorite things about seeing people's creations in the short time I've been here is the amount of creativity one can use to make a Servant. Whether it's changing their legend, who there were and what their goals were, or choosing something completely out of left field, I have always found those to be my favorites. Rather than those that just choose a legend and build off that, ones like these feel more like the creator made a legend and then crafted a Servant around that. I mean, who in their right mind would ever think to turn the guillotine into a Heroic Spirit, let alone a Saver. Clyton did. And I love it.
Side note, I had the thought of Marie from Dies Irae, and I'm wondering if I'm the only one.

2 Points

Joaquín Murrieta (Avenger)-I'm a sucker for these kinds of characters. Instead of saying all the things I love about this character (which would take too much space), however, I will say the things I didn't, which all come from characterization.

Frankly, he feels like Shirou. That's not a bad thing. I love Shirou. However, it feels like in a lot of ways he was modeled off Shirou, with not enough really differentiating himself. Now, it could be said this is due to Husk of a Hero not letting him be anything but what people want, similar to how Shirou made himself into a blade only to be wielded by others with no will of its own, but the problem is that Avenger supposedly surrendered that mindset when he began seeking only selfish vengeance. He's obviously built to be a being with some contradiction within himself, especially with the description of Innocent Monster, but he doesn't show that in how he acts as described in the Character section. Also, the "skilled housekeeper" part tipped the relation over the edge for me.

Also, this:
"If he dislikes something, he’s going to say that to the target’s face—and in the same vein, if he takes a liking, he’ll also let that be known."
ILLYA: "Eh? Nothing. I said nothing, Master. I most definitely didn’t said “cute” right now."
That contradiction just annoys me. Minor nitpick.

1 Point

Téshub (Remainer)-I said things here, but I'm going to expand. I'm reminded of a story where Woden, Odin before he became a god (as many norse gods have been noted as being human once), was summoned as a Lancer, and I loved that idea as it was fascinating to me. While this isn't the same, I was reminded of that, and the whole purpose of this class is that feeling. Being reminded of something similar, but it not being that exact thing. As one whose legend is so extremely old, and presence is so lost, being an architype for legends after him is interesting. I believe he's more fit to be a Divine Spirit, similar to Scathach, but that's just a comment.

Honorable Mentions
Geraint Fardd Glas/Edward Williams (Caster/Faker): Was gonna be third place for quite a long time until Téshub usurped that position. You call it gimmicky, but I think it's just a pretty fun adventure to go through. Makes it fun to read his sheet.

Cadmus (Gatekeeper): So close. I love him, and even had Vortigern say something to him, but it just wasn't meant to be. There were a lot of great choices, and some just had to go by the wayside.

Edvard Munch / Dorian Gray (Foreigner): You can see what I have to say here.

Carl Tanzler von Cosel (Foreigner): I love the use of Elena and a Foreigner that isn't evil. Was a good contender for my vote. More thoughts.

Vortigern (Ruler): AH! RHONGOMYNIAD! No one's ever been able to wield that!
I really wanted to make that joke.

- - - Updated - - -

About your Vortigern i am curious how he would think of my Teshub ?

It would seem, no matter the era, duty and compassion are often times unrewarded. Better to be forgotten and praised as you than remembered and scorned as I.

[RoydGolden]

3 points: Cosel. Mostly tied with your Fersen sheet (hmm, just realized both your entries have "von" in their name...) but in the end this one tickled my fancy just a bit more. I really like how you wove together the ideas of a hopelessly obsessed romantic trying to bring back the one they love and a doctor striving with every fiber of their being to defeat death. He sounds like he'd make a great "tragic villain" character in a fanfic.

2 points: Brionac's Wielder. Though silly, this is just such a unique and creative idea I couldn't resist giving it a spot here. Otherwise I already wrote my thoughts a few pages back.

1 point: Marcus Aurelius. I have a soft spot for philosopher Servants so this merits a spot. Nothing off-the-wall (which wouldn't really fit who he is) but this is a very solid take on the guy that works in most of what he's famous for in an interesting way. His NP is unique where only "deliberate" attacks can affect him, I guess that makes him immune to collateral damage and some Berserker Servants.

Honorary Mentions: Axel von Fersen, Joaquin Murrieta, Vortigern, Edvard Munch/Dorian Gray

[DelRey]

Quality of Life post:

Foreigner - Alexander Scriabin by RoydGolden

Faker - Gerald Fardd Glas/Edward Williams by Skull

Avenger – Joaquin Murrieta by WhiteFrenzy

Ruler – Vortigern by NittyGritty

Avenger – Hans Axel von Fersen by BnEl15

Saver – Louisette by Clyton

Shielder – Mozi by RoydGolden

Foreigner – Sigmund Freud by DelRey

Watcher – Laika by Perry Ellis.

Alter-Ego – MacBeth by Morg van Destro

Faker – Brionac' Wielder by Comun

Ruler – Marcus Aurelius by NMR-3

Avenger – Vortigern by Morg van Destro

Foreigner – Edvard Munch/Dorian Gray by DelRey

Foreigner – Carl Tanzler von Cosel by BnEl15

Avenger – Belphegor by GilgameshKingOfMemes

Foreigner – Helen Vaughan by TheLordOfAwesome

Remainer – Téshub by Kabalisto Koga

Gatekeeper – Cadmus by Hound of Ulster

- - - Updated - - -

i can vote for 2 different sheets that were made my the same contributor, right?

[asterism42]

yes

[Morg van Destro]

People are aware voting's open, right? It's just usually this slow for people to vote?

[BnEl15]

3 points: Sigmund Freud. Creative lore and NPs tying his works to Kuranes and Dreamlands. I also enjoyed his personality as a humorous, perverted but ultimately good-natured psychologist genuinely trying to help his patients, as well as his relationship with other Servants in Chaldea.

2 points: Helen Vaughan. As someone else stated before, a truly terrifying Foreigner all around. Her NPs are relatively obvious considering her Outer God, but it still conveys this sense of primal fear, which you further supported with her lore, personality, and outlook towards humanity. Overall, good job.

1 point: Joaquin Murrieta. Hoo boy, he's so edgy, in a good way. his NPs are well-made, and I like your characterization of him as a "fallen hero of justice". An Avenger at its finest.

Honorable mentions: Louisette, Mozi, both Vortigerns

[Kabalisto Koga]

3 points: Sigmund Freud. Creative lore and NPs tying his works to Kuranes and Dreamlands. I also enjoyed his personality as a humorous, perverted but ultimately good-natured psychologist genuinely trying to help his patients, as well as his relationship with other Servants in Chaldea.

2 points: Helen Vaughan. As someone else stated before, a truly terrifying Foreigner all around. Her NPs are relatively obvious considering her Outer God, but it still conveys this sense of primal fear, which you further supported with her lore, personality, and outlook towards humanity. Overall, good job.

1 point: Joaquin Murrieta. Hoo boy, he's so edgy, in a good way. his NPs are well-made, and I like your characterization of him as a "fallen hero of justice". An Avenger at its finest.

I have seen your Forreigner servant ,Karl is really well build ! BnEi15 i know you didnt give my entry a Point but please tell me how do you find my Teshub and the class i invented ?

[BnEl15]

I'm not familiar with his legend, so there's not much I can say about it, but the idea of a proto-Thunder God is interesting to see. The class also has some potential, although I feel the qualifications so far are still kind of vague. His personality is pretty straightforward, which I don't have any problem with, aside from being a little too much of a "big good" character. Then again, that in itself is not necessarily a flaw if you can use it well in a story.

[Comun]

1 Point: Cosel

The first Foreigner I ever enjoyed, probably because the Lovecraftian elements didn't feel any intrusive. Also because I'm usually a fan of the wife guys, and your Cosel feels very incredibly wholesome for a corpse fucker, in a way I've only seen before in Shaman King's Faust. And even then, I'd say I like Cosel's approach better because the wholesome tone of the sheet and the faceclaim very successfully masks all the creepiness of his story.

2 points: Mozi

She's just the simple concept of pacifism, but with enough thought put into it to form a rich and complete character. I really like this style of character creation, of turning a single word into a believable human being. I love the emotional maturity on this lady, and the story behind her second Noble Phantasm is the exact kind of bullshit I find badass.

3 points: Vortigern

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SETO KAIBA! I couldn't have picked a better day of the year to read the sheets. I'm not a fan of when Servants based around its famous faceclaims go "haha funny memes" in the quotes, with stuff like "Screw the rules, I am Britain", but I can definitely overlook that with how amazingly this sheet nailed the serious parts of Kaiba's character. His whole aura of stoic smugness, his views on power, and most importantly, his central idea of rejecting the past for the sake of the future, it's all *chef's kiss* perfectly true to what it references. It's a sheet that shows you really understood what made Kaiba's character so good.

Honorable mentions: All of the Avengers. Not a single one of them wasn't great and it's a real shame I couldn't fit any (especially Murrieta) into my podium.