Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[Alexcoene]

I didn't manage to finish my sheet in turn, especially since Del's entry gave me an idea, but that's still a lot of cool servants we got here once more.

[Spammin Spiff]

I'll add some dialogue to the relationships section of my servant, and then I'll get around to getting my votes in for the sheets. I honestly barely finished my sheet as is, I've been way too busy this month, so I'm surprised I got as much done as I did.

[asterism42]

Julia

Past the deadline, but allowed

- - - Updated - - -

voting open btw

[pinetree]

Too bad we didn't have the time to get a JetKinen comeback, but the contest was really strong nonetheless.
I guess it comes with the theme, but some of those really managed to get me emotional.

[Baron Magnus]

First, honorable mentions and then my main votes... and then notes on sheets that I really liked but didn't get either spot for whatever reason.

Honorable Mentions

Jesus Syndrome: I just want to start by saying I'm a christian. So when I first saw who it was... I was conflicted to say the least. Then as I read it I really found myself appreciating the work. Something was a bit off though. Then that reveal. Legit even as I write I'm considering replacing the 1 pointer with this out of sheer respect for the effort and quality put in. The only reason its losing out is that there are other entries... but like I said. That could easily change. So... yeah. if it does, this post will change too.

Zahak: Man oh man. Edgy snake boi mc edgy snake boi... and yet I can't exactly say I dislike that. It's frankly perfect for the small story you wrote attached to the sheet. Woven nicely in with the sheet in fact... yet sadly there are entries better than it. Ever so slightly, but that only counts in horseshoes. That said, take an honorable mention and have a nice day.

Wakanuke: Legends speak even today of the whiplash caused by meeting Zahak and Wakanuke at the same time. How sneks could be so emotionally distant from one another. Seriously though great job. I had entirely too much fun with this. Unfortunately there was entirely too much quality in this contest for just fun to win out. Sorry man but please accept these humble honorable mention as compensation.

Mr. Glass: Honestly. Really, really good. If I can be frank I like this better than Vivaldi, which itself is a strong entry. I think the reason boils down to is that I relate very easily to Mr.Glass and really like his whole deal but can't really relate to Vivaldi. Which might be the point and some may like that but in this case... yeah, I just really like Mr.Glass.

Perdix: Did I say Zahak was edgeking? Cause if I did I'm taking his crown and handing it right to this angry bird. Seriously, really great writing. I'll use this to say the story you told of a man with three servants is great. This guy being the foundation is just perfection. Great stuff.

Daedaelis Theos: Oh hey its the conclusion of the trio I mentioned. I feel like the fact that the beginning and end of the tale being in the contest was worth a mention considering the theme. If I could bunch them together and give them both points I would... sadly as they are separate and this contest was just a flood of quality, they simply get honorable mentions.

Serru: NO STEP ON SNEK!

Tokugawa Iemetsu: Honestly this was one of the best honorable mentions sheets I read. I like the struggle he has that is hidden behind his confidence. It even made me, for a single moment, kinda forget the tragedy he caused. Good job. You outdid yourself with this one.

Xerxes the Great: A pretty great servant. I honestly have nothing more to say. Take an honorable mention as an apology for not being able to grant it points.

Votes

Nannerl Mozart: 1 point
What do I even say about this? It kinda speaks for itself... yet I do have only a few things to say. I really love this sheet. I love just how... whimsical it all is. Frankly, like with Jesus Syndrome, I'm debating whether to put it at 2 points or here. It's subject to change. I really enjoyed reading it and I miss when it was new to me. Kinda reminds me of how I feel when I play persona games. I enjoy the game itself and when its all over I wish I could recapture that first playthrough. Really, well done. Take this point with the potential for one more.


Alice Alter: 2 points

You know why you're here. I know why you're here. It's a great sheet. A really, really good sheet. I really liked the personality you wrote in it. The mystery and charm. You perfectly captured the story of alice in a really, really unexpected way... and I also really like how it perfectly captures the class its meant to portray. All that sucks is because of it I feel I can't say much or I'll spoil it. So instead I'll talk about how despite its quality the quality of the prior one gives me pause about what points to award it. As mentioned, between Jesus Syndrome and Mozart I have no clue what to do so instead it has this ephermeal position. It could lose both points simply because the other two are just ever so slightly better. It's that close to me. So please, accept your tentative two points sir and good day.

Ask and ye shall receive. Spoilers be ahead, beware if ye wish to keep yer ignorance

Your use of Lizzie is pretty damn good. Like rock solid. We know just about everything regarding Lizzie to get a firm idea of the why, where, how, when, and what of her crime. We also know things she did before and after the event that shed light on her guilt... there is no mystery to her and yet you've manage to find some and use it for a sheet. You've quite literally squeezed blood from a stone and I can only applaud that. Well, more than that really. You create what I can only call a masterful short story with the servant. I'm genuinely curious what could be done with the servant in a proper story.... and I think what I like more about it are the faceclaims. They match the sheets perfectly.

So kudos good sir. If it weren't for houdini I honestly think this would be first... which reminds me. I'm rescinding the above statement. I've decided firmly this sheet is in the exact spot it needs to be.

Harry Houdini: 3 points

I'll admit it. One thing was the deciding factor for its spot. It's honestly kinda dumb to put it at this position for this reason alone. However I'm doing it because I liked it. I mean, it's not the only reason. Just the deciding one. It's a fun sheet to read. I felt genuinely sorry for the character. I related to it on a personal level. It's extremely well-written and works extremely well... and yet, those only got it into the top three. The deciding factor was that its noble phantasm combined with the various pictures, especially the faceclaims, made it feel like a jojo protagonist. Which really made it just come together into a brilliant, great sheet. So please accept your 3 points. I honestly hope it wins.

Other Sheets

I'll write more on individual sheets later but I want to say that barring one or two the rest were really solid just missing one thing that would've granted it an honorable mention.

[realcasually]

It's okay to spoil the sheet if you want to talk about the reveal, Magnus, I totally get it, lmao. It's not a secret I'm really TRYING to keep. Everyone and their mum did a Pretender or Faker this time around, the prompt just lent itself to it. I'm interested to hear what you really thought! Hell, put it in a spoiler tag if you must.

That being said, this is the part I suck at. I always... fall off when trying to describe why I like a sheet, and ESPECIALLY this time when even I can't pinpoint what it is about my top three that sets them above the rest for me. Maybe I'm burned out on words for the month after rushing out Alice Alter. But it is what it is, so maybe I'll come back and give better feedback when I can form coherent thoughts. Still, I'm sure in at least where points ought to be in my book, so!

1 point - Harry Houdini by RoydGolden
2 points - Perdix by pinetree
3 points - Nannerl by WhiteFrenzy

Stop the presses, WhiteFrenzy takes my vote again. Is there, like, a fan club I can sign up to...? (Seriously, the formatting knocks me dead every time. Formatting was a huge part of all of these honestly, and in general was a HUGE showing in this contest itself.)

It's always my deepest regret when WF posts before me so I don't get to feature in the Relationships sections of her god damn art works of Servant sheets.

[RoydGolden]

1 point- Nannerl
2 points- Geoffroi de Charny
3 points- Wakanuke

[realcasually]

...showing my sheet around to my friends offsite has me worried the reveal is too missable, and while I know people on THIS forum are much more acquainted with the collapse trick... might just go back and move my creator's notes to outside the spoiler just for my own anxiety's peace of mind, make a note in there.

EDIT: There we go. Hope that's permissable. Don't see why it wouldn't be. Let further votes for all roll in!

[Drangle]

Honorable Mentions

Zahhak, "Alice": Lumping these together because I have roughly the same thing to say. Very cool, elegant unification of disparate concepts, but I only have three slots on my podium. So I have to bump down to the HMs because, of all the ones I enjoyed, these were a little shaky in their connection to the prompt. Points to "Alice" for being simultaneously the most and least cringe Lizzie Borden sheet I've ever seen, and points to Zahhak for going "fuck it, it's my sheet, I decide what order information is delivered".

Nannerl: Another beautiful sheet, as to be expected from you. And this time, a perfect for the prompt. But... I fell like it went over my head. The idea of Mozart's sibling feels like its diluted by all the fairy business.

Sandman / Morpheus: This sheet's pretty good but its a little too much. That seems like a weird thing to gripe about, but five Servant sheets occupying the same space is like eating too much in one sitting, it makes it harder to appreciate its components.

Wakanuke: Delightful, creative, inspired. If I could give points to five servants this would have been one without question. But I had to narrow it down, and like you said, this was such a non-figure that it's practically a pure fabrication.

Mr. Glass: This one was even closer to the top 3. It's a real (well, real fictional) figure, largely related to the prompt, and despite the little material there to begin with, you were able to artfully expand it into someone with personality and a variety of skills. Reminds me of my own humble entry. There's just one hang up that kept me from really considering any points to this one: the Class. Mr Glass would ahve been just as interesting, if not moreso, as a Caster. The Faker stuff feels performative, almost.

Anyone who did not do a Faker, Pretender, or Avenger: I know how hard it must have been for a prompt like this, and I honor that courage.

The Votes

1 to Mycielhasbroken's Justin II. This Sheet isn't phenomenal. It's nothing extraordinary. But that's also what I love about it. A lot of sheets try to be so flashy and deep and interesting, like a whole graphic novel in a forum post, and they get completely lost in themselves. Here, you have an idea of what this guy is about and how he relates to the prompt. His dialogue is a balance of fun and dramatic, his skills are balance, he's just... a good sheet. Only gripe is that him being the "collective hatred of Rome" doesn't feel like the "reveal" it's framed to be, and could easily just be listed without collapse text to no detriment to the sheet. But for a first pitch? Outstanding.

2 to pinetree's Perdix. An obscure pick, but perfect for the prompt. I particularly like the saw armament. A lot of the same positives as the third-place, but with the polish and presentation of someone who's been in the game longer. The NPs did feel a hair too edgewanky, which is why it's not first, but that's natural for the class, I suppose.

3 to Royd's Houdini. Do you know what a monument it is to make a Faker in this day and age, and by the end of reading it, I go "Faker was definitely the right choice for this"? So many Faker sheets feel like someone just wanted to make a Faker to see if they could, but this feels... ironically, authentic. In fact, I'll be honest, first time I read it, I missed she was a Faker, and I went "huh, odd she's not a Faker given this Lore, but I respect it". Because honestly, she does not need to be a Faker. She could be a Caster with the same genderswap explanation. But being a Faker actually elevates her concept, underlines her core essence. She's a delight, love the faceclaim, love the ludonarrative. And quite frankly I'm just a sucker for a good love story.

[Kamera]

Before I forget as I descend back into video game addiction.

1 point - Beast VI
2 points - "Achilles"
3 points - Houdini

[Serra]

Congratulations, this month had a lot of great entries! Here are my votes!

3 points to Jerusalem Syndrome - perfect idea for the prompt, the way the skillset conceals the true nature of the Servant and then clearly defines it is exceptionally well done imo, and I loved the alternating of the voice of the one affected by the phenomenon with the collective voices of the city which causes the phenomenon itself and is a Master. The views of the voices of the city on Holy Grail Wars and magecraft are very interesting, too, and the Servant really does feel like a coherent answer that would be produced by that sort of mindset and power.

2 points to Serru - and no, it isn't because of the name lol. Love the idea of someone whose legacy is so tremendously important to all of humanity and every single human, except they're just some snake who kind of stumbled into creating that legacy as an accidental side effect of their actions, and then immediately exited the scene afterwards, lol. The usually lighthearted writing, when coupled with things like the fourth Bond Line and the conceptual weight of their Skills and Noble Phantasm, really carries that across well, too. Also, they're adorable.

1 point to Perdix - great and all around extremely solid sheet, with very creative Skills and Noble Phantasms, that was also definitely one of the most dense with emotion this time around. Main reason why it's in third place rather than higher is that it feels like with the way he's been set up there's no real way for him to evolve or change in any direction without the direct involvement of Daedalus or your other contest entry, which is certainly make sense in its own way, but also does limit the amount of roles he can play in a story, too.

[pinetree]

Uh... a heads up to Kamera and anyone who hasn't voted yet, SimpleScribe changed their Faker Achilles. The true identity is not Pyrrhus anymore.
He did edit it before the deadline, but I thought I should post about it since they didn't and such a major edit may change people's opinions on the Servant.

[Morg van Destro]

Well, poop. I literally had the thought that "The obvious Faker is Patrocles, right?" I then checked the main thread if anyone had done what I thought was an obvious candidate, but none have. I put him on my list to do in the near future. Guess I'll put a strike through that.

[Kamera]

Uh... a heads up to Kamera and anyone who hasn't voted yet, SimpleScribe changed their Faker Achilles. The true identity is not Pyrrhus anymore.
He did edit it before the deadline, but I thought I should post about it since they didn't and such a major edit may change people's opinions on the Servant.

I'm aware. Still stood by my vote.

[pinetree]

3 pts - Pretender Jerusalem Syndrome by Kiwi
I adore Servants that are concepts rather than people but still use Heroic Spirits as their form or to justify their manifestation. This is a very unique take on such a concept, specially with the Demi-Servant twist.
I really like that you kept the Jesus sheet concise. With all the Pretenders and Faker and all kinds of mix-ups, it's easy to bloat the face sheet and then go on to make the true sheet even bigger. I think it's something that is hard to keep in check, and you managed to do it perfectly, not only due to the length, but also the lightheartness of the text.
Not to mention I'm also into Jesus fake-outs so your vote was guaranteed.


2 pts - Gatekeeper Nannerl by WhiteFrenzy
I already commented on how the sheet made me feel and on its qualities so I don't have much else to say on the matter.
Still, I gotta to mention the quality of the writing. It is just a joy to read through.


1 pt - Faker Patroclus by SimpleScribe
To be honest, I initially considered giving it 3 points. Sadly, I don't think changing the true identity of the Servant worked at all.
I did talk about how Pyrrhus felt underwhelming as the final one of the 3 fakers due to his really distant connection to Achilles, but your Patroclus, despite "fixing" that one issue, introduces many more.


First of all, just the act of completely changing who the final Servant is already rubbed me the wrong way. On first read, the sheet really grabbed me emotionally, but it's hard to hold onto these feelings when everything about the conclusion of this three part story has changed.
Specially because the Noble Phantasms are the same! It delegitimizes your own writing by making it look like it could fit anyone and that the choice of characters and the conclusion to the story is not that important at all.
Furthermore, I felt how desperate Pyrrhus was to achieve what he saw as the ideal life to have, and the way you described his life convinced me that he hadn't lived a fullfiling one. Patroclus doesn't feel the same. The connection to the Titans takes too much space on the very strict formatting you're addhering to here, not to mention that his camouflaging as different fake Achilles instead of the man himself was very thematic before, but now feels misplaced.


Regardless, it was an emotionally charged sheet full of wonderful writing. And the fact that it sparked discussion and urged me to write this long comment already says enough about its quality. Not to mention that two thirds of the sheet are still unchanged, so yeah, still deserving of a vote.

[Morg van Destro]

No predictions this time. A prediction only counts at the beginning of a vote, not the end.

---

Honorable Mentions

Pérdix: I'd like to vote for my other self, but I just can't handle that edge. It's definitely the most unique version of Pérdix I've seen. Speaking of unique...

Lizzie Borden: Very sassy and philosophical crazed murderer over here. The kind of girl you avoid eye-contact with and try to avoid despite the fact she's keeping pace with you and asking if she can borrow your arm if she'll give you a new one. Also, quite the way to respond to your own Servant. That was a fun link.

Patrocles: I now think the stops before the reveal are even more unnecessary and that he should have Achilles's armor as an NP considering it was the reason he could pretend to be him, but I do think Patroclus was the better choice and that the finale has more emotional weight because of it. Wonder what you'll do next.

Nannerl: I'm sorry, White. I do love Nannerl. I just once more find myself in the minority in that she(?)'s not my vote. I also have a hard time discerning what that NP actually does. Does it... summon the "otherside"? Can people see their souls? I'm a little confused.

Jerusalem Syndrome: All I really have to say is that best girl Jerusalem deserved better.

1 Point

Justin II: No wonder he hates Terentius so much. Someone who saw something beautiful and wished to bring it to life despite its flaws against someone who believes they know where that path leads. At least, that is until you realize it's mostly coming from the [collective hatred of Rome], which is probably the only thing I dislike about the sheet. You said you wanted to make a nuanced character, but making the driving force for him the collective hatred rather than himself kinda diminishes it, only making me wonder what he would be like without it. Still, there was something about him that struck me, so here he is.
I had a hard time voting this contest.

2 Points

Geoffroi de Charny: I do believe... this is the second time I've ever commented on one of your sheets. Not because I think they're bad, but because I usually don't have anything to add.
Hi Kamera!
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure why Geoffroi is here. Maybe I just have an appreciation of the 100yr war after doing Charles. Maybe a part of me still adores the chivalric knight ideal. Maybe it's the darkness inside that may slowly erode oneself until their nothing but a smoldering flame.
Usually, I can figure these things out by writing about them, but but no such luck. Well, it's here anyway.

3 Points

WAKANUKE: It will never not be my head canon that every Counter Guardian is identified by their name in ALL CAPS.
She caught me off guard. I do think a lot of the paragraphs could be cut down, and almost just kinda passed her off as a mention, but the Lore and Relationships sold me on her more than anything else. She has interesting abilities, but reading that Personality that really needed to be cut down put me off. Her narration and dialog brought me back because I could see her personality without needing to be told or have it expounded on in a ton of sentences. I hope I'm driving home that my only gripe is how long parts of it is, because I love everything else here.

---

Goodnight, Folks! I'm gonna crawl into my writing hole for a while now.

[realcasually]

Lizzie was always intended to be the main ally of the Wonderland Lostbelt, accompanying the protagonist as they attempt to find their way through the nonsense and figure out who the King actually IS. There's a double fakeout with first the Queen of Hearts and then the real Alice in the story I have in mind for it. I'll get around to typing it up someday.

But yes, I've been holding onto her since I came up with Carroll, this was just the first opportunity I've had to post her. I have quite a few other Wonderland characters up my sleeve-- I won't ever be posting the Mad Hatter or the White Rabbit as the characters they're actually meant to be have been done better on here already than I could ever do, lol.

[DelRey]

I keep it short for the ones I considered:
pinetree blew all out of the park with his three parter. kiwi and Nuclear made outstanding joke servants that are more than just a joke. Random made a "who?" into "It's him!" with an underutilized tool of the Nasuverse. Royd flexed on us with a great rework and sheet in general. Realcas polished his Wonderland crown to show who is boss (but I kinda disagree with the class overall). WF just did WF things and touched our hearts. Morg and Kamera already know my opinions. Bn did his character study as usual. The rest stayed true to themselves. And I lie broken on the sidewalk for attempting too much.

1 point Priapos
2 points Nannerl
3 points Houdini

[Mycielhasbroken]

Yeah, I could’ve focused more on Justin II’s justification or him being the main focus of the sheet and made the “reveal” not be a reveal. I could’ve made it better in multiple ways, but what’s done is done for now. I wanted to make Justin II have the collective hatred to boost him, because I have an idea in mind to use him for later, along with other Servant Ideas in the future, so I got caught up in all of that. I will endeavor to focus on the person next time, and if I do a reveal again, I’ll think if I have to do it and if I must, how to improve on it. Thank you for the criticism.

Also these are my votes.
1 Point - Charlot: This sheet answers the prompt nicely and I think it has a certain charm to it.
2 Points - Nannerl: Nannerl is sad yet beautiful. Not as known as Mozart, and was a joy for me to read.
3 Points - Houdini: I absolutely loved this sheet as it was cohesive, tragic, and made me tear up a bit, so will vote for it.

[BnEl15]

I'll keep it short for now before I forget. I'll add honorable mentions tomorrow when I have the time.

1pt: Houdini. A nice take on the less-famous Houdini, and good work translating her feats into Skills and NP. As I said before, that's one of your strongest points, and it really showed in this sheet.

2pts: Perdix. Not counting the epic three-parter, I love this angry birb.

3pts: Lizzie Borden. Welcome to the Pretender club. Your trials with the collapse tags served as your initiation. Anyway, onto the sheet itself, nice. Two very different figures that I never thought could be connected together, and you did it. From the way you write her lore and her entire skillset, I love everything about this sheet. Great work.

Also we had some pretty promising newcomers here. Looking forward to see your next contributions in the main thread or the next contest.