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Thread: Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

  1. #4241
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Hello folks, drunk rey here
    The longest sheet was probably TheTruthWhales Enlil wizh 22k-24k words, i dont remember. Iirc my freud id with which i won the contest was around 18K? If you wright much, you better explain much. Background should at least explain their skills and NP. If you begin to explain them like a dissertation, you did something wrong. Value the time of the reader and explain whats needed or interesting. Rothschild few contests ago was half of a novel and almost won. Depends of the character, really.
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    Indulge with me in the accomplishments of our abode.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Chamberlain of Create-a-Servant 4.

  2. #4242
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    “Very well, Master, let us reach
    Sin
    Salvation
    !”
    Assassin of Damnation
    The Unsavable One

    Source

    Other classes: Foreigner
    True Name: Judas Iscariot
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Source: New Testament
    Region: Israel
    Attribute: Star

    Parameters
    Strength: E
    Endurance: D
    Agility: C
    Mana: C
    Luck: B

    Likes: Jesus, the World.
    Dislikes: Jesus, the World.
    Talents: Money management, lying, deceiving.
    Natural Enemy: Jesus
    Armaments: His blood
    Catalyst: The Thirty Pieces of Silver


    Skills
    Class Skills
    Presence Concealment: D
    The ability to hide one's presence as a Servant. While suitable for spying, Assassin himself is adverse to using this skill for that purpose.

    Personal Skill
    Hakeldama: Field of Blood (Self) C+
    Bought with the blood money from the Temple, it is the location of Judas’ death. While there’s several interpretations of how Judas died, the field of blood is always present. As a bastardized territory skill, he recreates his site of death by marking an area with his blood, which grants him the ability to “suicide”. Because the field of blood is the place where he suicides, he can manifest anything that may support his future execution, despite not being in his legend. This includes weapons like swords, axes and even guns, with the only limitations being that he’s unable to create something of supernatural origin. They are created by his blood seeping into the field, and can be used against opponents, as long as the end result actualizes his death. Meaning if the outcome of a fight using his blood weapons doesn’t result in his death, he will inadvertently aim his weapons at himself, and destroy his body. Can be used in conjunction with the skill Eternally Damned.

    Teachings of the Messiah A-
    From his travels on the Sea of Galilee to the Pools of Bethesda, he witnessed many supernatural sights and miracles. As described as the only Apostle who truly understand Jesus’ words, he glimpsed into the true nature of life and death, human behavior, the relationship between God and humans, and the World itself. Because of his experience around genuine miracles, magecraft related to the New Testament will be instantly recognized, reduced in effect to near null, and can even be copied as they are imitations of genuine miracles that Judas witnessed. However, magecraft specialized against sinners will be effective against him, as he is the greatest sinner of all of humanity. Normally an A+ rank analysis/knowledge skill, if not for his nature, which impedes him from truly understanding humanity.

    Eternally Damned EX
    As the killer of the Son of God, he was cursed with the worst punishment from God. He was to never reach salvation, become enlightened, or to be even at peace. However, this does not mean he was sent to the deepest depths of hell, to be tortured for all of eternity. No, for him, his punishment was far crueler. He was revived for the sake of living another life, but that living was his punishment. He was to continue as a wraith, to be condemned to walk the earth until the end of times itself, should even God fade. This is a curse tying his spirit origin to the Salvation of Mankind, and until mankind either reaches salvation through their own efforts or complete annihilation of the Human Order, he shall wander for an eternity, never knowing the comforting grasps of death, nor living with the remaining vestiges of humanity. Due to his nature as a wraith, he naturally has no body, but can possess one, and may even use the body’s blood to totally recreate the body, as long as he has access to mana and one drop of blood remaining in the skill Hakeldama: Field of Blood (Self).

    Noble Phantasm
    Hakhekhashah Shel Lageulah
    Denial of Salvation

    Type: Anti-Salvation/Anti-Divinity
    Range: The Human Order
    Rank: A++

    “I am the curse that haunts Old Humanity. I am the blessing that propels Future Humanity. Now let us all dance in our
    Sin
    Salvation
    ! Hakhekhashah Shel Lageulah!”


    The action that brought the death of Jesus. The kiss that signals rejection of Salvation. All of this is crystallized into an continuously-active Noble Phantasm that stands as definitive proof that not all man can be saved.

    As the Unsavable One, his reputation precedes him. His mark on the World was so significant, that people of the Human Order across time and space, whether they come from the same culture, speak the same language, or are even from the same species, curl their lips into disgust when hearing his name. Even if they do not know what his name meant, or even if they never heard a sound in their life before, they will know by default that he is the one who finalized the descent of Humanity, the one who concluded the possibility of the return to Salvation.

    Due to this, his presence itself became his Noble Phantasm. When brought into the world, he extinguishes any chances of God’s return to humans, which lowers faith in the perfect gods, thus separating them even more from humanity. Sinners shall have no hope of entering Heaven, and even the most pure, pious souls will have difficulties in truly accepting gods as their true lords.

    Moreover, the NP targets all and any paths of salvation. Any forms of salvation, whether it be love or pain, the light of darkness, existence or nonexistence, will be blocked. This means that any techniques and magecrafts based on the goals to reach the Pure Lands, even down to the most basic ones such as meditation, will be nullified and have no effect on realizing salvation.

    The NP’s effect extends more beyond the Gods. As a curse tied to Human Salvation, it also invalidates Humanity’s efforts of reaching salvation, thus blocking a clause to cancel the curse, which even affects Heaven's Feel, the Third’s Magic. However, curiously enough, whether it be an adjustment from the Holy Grail or Judas restricting himself, this effect is not activated during Holy Grail Wars.



    But do not be mistaken, this does not mean he cares about Humanity. He only wishes to see if humans can reach the miracles that Gods possess, to see if he can also defile them.

    Lore and Personality
    The Unsavable One. The Greatest Betrayer. In life, he was known for enacting the plot that led to the crucifixion to Jesus, he who was prophesied during the Last Supper to betray Jesus. Many theories were offered as to why Judas betrayed the one he followed for years, with the prominent ones being greed, Jesus ordering Judas to do so, or even the devil possessing him.

    They could not have been more wrong.

    While the act of betrayal and the death of Jesus was a Quantum Time-Locked event of PHH, Judas did the deed out of his own accord, though not out of greed for riches. He knew that his purpose in the world was to kill the Savior, but curiously enough, he did not rebel against his fate, even after he developed genuine bonds with his companions and acknowledged Jesus as his Savior.

    Truly, he was an inhuman monster.

    As the person who “was fated by God to kill Jesus,” there was no need for him to have a personality. He was created by God himself for this very purpose, and saw no need to give him the proper emotions of humanity. However, this does not mean he has no emotions. He simply could not tell the difference between emotions. Happiness, sadness, pain, love, fear; to him, they all feel the same. They are simply feelings for him. Even when he felt anything, they were nothing of note, nothing intense enough to give meaning to anything he did.

    That’s why he was only a mere tax collector before Jesus met him, as he saw no reason to pursue other endeavors beyond making money to meet his bodily needs. However, when he met Jesus, he saw something in the Messiah’s eyes, something he never saw before.

    He saw pity and understanding. This is followed by the first words Jesus spoke to him, “I shall save you.”

    For the first time, he felt curiosity. Of course, he didn’t realize it himself, as he still couldn’t distinguish between emotions, but the emotion he felt could be considered as such. Due to the knowledge he knew, Judas originally thought Jesus wanted to teach him how human emotions actually work, and for him to properly be a human.

    That was nothing but a false hope, a random thought that could never be fulfilled.

    He went on to follow Jesus, to observe what he meant by his first words and to see if such a thing was possible. For years, he walked the Earth with Jesus, watching him perform miracles after Miracles. However, even after witnessing humans of all kinds, he could still not feel any humanity within him.

    Then came the Last Supper.

    He followed his fate, not feeling the emotions as he was originally promised. All that he felt before was mere triflings, nothing much like Salvation that he heard so much about. But at the moment of Jesus’ death, he felt something, something on a scale never before.

    It was as if he ate the forbidden fruit. His spine ruptured, every receptor in his body feeling a shiver that he didn’t know was possible. Watching Jesus’ death as a bystander, seeing the Savior that he followed for years being pierced to death finally made him realize what Jesus meant all along.

    The words “I shall save you” that Jesus said didn't mean he was going to become a human. It meant he would feel emotions just like humans, the feelings of doing something forbidden, blasphemous. He thought to himself, “Ahh, this is what
    Sin
    Salvation
    must feel like!”

    Judas concluded that if he can’t tell the difference between emotions, then he simply must feel them at a greater level, and that would finally provide a meaning for his actions. However, after the euphoria of Jesus’ death ended a few days later, he went back to the state the same as his life before Jesus. He was, in a way, depressed. However, this is when he remembered one of his lessons from Jesus, of the nature of the Throne of Heroes. If the humans who ascended are ones who perform great deeds, then he must also have the possibility of ascending as well! And when he would eventually be summoned, he would twist whatever events he was summoned in, to feel even greater levels of
    Sin
    Salvation
    ! Then so came the end of Judas, as he quickly suicided, which elevated his name to the Throne.

    However, God, sensing his plot, rapidly cursed him under the pretense of punishment for the death of Jesus, as he believed such a monster should never reappear after his purpose was complete. While this successfully trapped his original soul within the World, it was utterly pointless, as his name has already ascended. For that, even if Judas must suffer all of eternity being a wraith no one would approach, he relishes at thought of all the parallel worlds reaching
    Sin
    Salvation
    under him. And after that, he shall suicide, prompting him to be summoned to another world, to feel even more. He shall spread his
    Sin
    Salvation
    as after all, all the other apostles have already spread the words and their interpretation of Jesus Christ, and he can't be the Greatest Apostle if he didn’t spread Jesus’ message.

    Wish for the Holy Grail
    In life, he killed the Son of God. Now he wishes to enact a larger sin, a blasphemy unprecedented. He wishes to unseat God himself, and become the ruler of the universe. But that does not mean he cares about the position, or the power that comes with it. He only wishes to unseat God. Not as a revenge for his curse, nor to make any changes to the world. He shall unseat God, and promptly suicide, just like his legend.

    Relationships
    Jesus: “The only one who understood me in life, and the one who promised to save me. To describe my relationship with the Savior, I simply love him, while hating him. I love how he sacrificed himself towards me, showing me
    Sin
    Salvation
    . But I hate him, for now everything I feel cannot compare to the feeling when he died. I also now can’t be satisfied with killing him again, so I must perform greater blasphemy to truly feel again.”

    His current body/Kirei Kotomine: “A lost soul similar to me, as he was also cursed by God. A suitable vessel. However, there is one key difference. He can tell the difference in emotions, though he does not feel the positive aspects. I wonder if I could defile him by making him feel positive emotions…”

    Our Lady of Outer Realms: “Ah, our Lady, she who birthed our Savior. I hope that she finds it in her heart to forgive me for my
    Salvation
    Sin
    . I do wonder though, why does she keep appearing in the world? Does she not know Humanity will never reach the salvation of God?”

    Adam Kadmon: “The first soul we all originate from. I wonder what will be shown if he reflects me…”

    Lucifer: “I find it amusing that this monkey thinks his precious ‘anthropic principle’ is the reason why humans are lesser than him. If I remember correctly, wasn’t he the one who was directly cast out over humans? It is because of curiosity that humans shall reach Salvation. Although, as long as I exist, they shall never reach it.”

    Tower of Babel: “A funny little structure. Did the people of Babel really think building a tower would elevate them to the divine? No, what they should’ve done is to bring them down to the level of humans, to defile them.”

    Sisera & Mother: “Truly, a grand display of motherly love! So much that his mother was brought along with his saint graph! I do wish to see if I could alter their Noble Phantasm by changing the last scream. The scream of one who killed their child.”

    Rehoboam: “A failure of a king. But he knows that very well, and accepts it. Although, I wonder what would happen if Beleth is taken from him. Would he finally break, losing the last bit of his identity, or rejoice, for he lost his last bit of his identity.”

    ‘God’: “Heh, haHaHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, the irony! God himself being devoured, becoming a component of an even superior god! But this is wonderful! I now can cast down the Beast of Exhalation itself!”

    ‘Paul’: “What a coincidence it is to meet a parallel self. Someone who can distinguish between emotions, a proper human. And yet, a failure who cannot understand my
    Sin
    Salvation
    , despite committing the same sin.

    Samson: “A pitiful figure that does not even know its origin. He shall continue to flounder in the name of God, without understanding his actions at all. I wonder if he’ll let me use him to bring down God, if I tell him his origin?”


    Creator’s Note
    Well, this happened. While I had ideas and created snippets of servant profiles, this is the first time I fully fleshed one out and posted it online. Please, do offer me any advice and criticization for me to grow as a creator. As for my personal thoughts on this sheet, I still have lingering feelings on the Field of Blood skill. I do think Field of Blood was expanded and part of his legend enough to actually be an NP itself, but it didn’t fit the theme I was going with.

    As for why I choose Judas, I’m honestly surprised no one has gone to the more metaphysical interpretation of Judas and his actions (as far as I can find). I mean, one of the most significant events in Christiany, and yet every sheet I found about him didn’t have much of a larger-than-life NP.

    Although, if I did not include your servants for relationship lines, it was simply because I couldn’t think of anything interesting to say. I also didn't link any of the sheets I used for the relationship cause laziness

    Also, formatting is hard as hell. I'm pretty sure this took longer than the actual sheet itself.

    Creator’s Request
    This is a bit unsuitable to tack on a request on a servant sheet, but I’m asking for some help in a future sheet. At the start, I listed one extra class for Judas (foreigner), and I already have the concept in mind, but I know next to nothing of the Cthullu Mythos. That’s why I’m asking for some names, any names of outer gods, that deal with the concept of “worthlessness” or are seen by other outer gods as worthless?


    Last edited by HumanComplex; April 10th, 2022 at 12:29 AM.

  3. #4243
    Your average angst/edge supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Ah, the great Enlil. He started out strong, but then he had like three secret identities, each of them touching on some pretty high-concept stuff, not to mention the lore section explaining the history of an entire Lostbelt. By half of the sheet, I was already burnt out and needed to take a break before continuing.

    I may be biased here, but Del's Freud=Id is a better example of a long yet engaging sheet.
    Last edited by BnEl15; April 9th, 2022 at 11:10 PM.

  4. #4244
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HumanComplex View Post
    Accidently submitted it while working on it - Please wait!
    Make a blog
    Delete it
    It stays in your blog list to format
    Use it as your formatting corner

    I miss truthwhale
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    Indulge with me in the accomplishments of our abode.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Chamberlain of Create-a-Servant 4.

  5. #4245
    フサナンヨウスギ pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Make a blog
    Delete it
    It stays in your blog list to format
    Use it as your formatting corner

    I miss truthwhale
    What the fuck

  6. #4246
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Make a blog
    Delete it
    It stays in your blog list to format
    Use it as your formatting corner

    I miss truthwhale
    Not sure what this means, but I sense distress. Also, finished the sheet. Any thoughts?

  7. #4247
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Instead of formatting it in a thread witz the threat of accidentally posting it, you can just use a deleted blog for formatting to safely store your progress. It is a good QoL hsck for sheet making
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    Indulge with me in the accomplishments of our abode.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Chamberlain of Create-a-Servant 4.

  8. #4248
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Instead of formatting it in a thread witz the threat of accidentally posting it, you can just use a deleted blog for formatting to safely store your progress. It is a good QoL hsck for sheet making
    Ok, now I get it. Thanks for the advice.

  9. #4249
    Your average angst/edge supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Judas: A fairly straightforward, but still interesting take on his character. Nice job fleshing out the parallels between him and Kirei. The Skills are creative, and the NP represents him well as humanity's most famous betrayer.

    Overall, I'd say this is my second favorite Judas sheet after Royd's Beast.

  10. #4250
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Spammin Spiff's Avatar
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    I don't really have time to totally go over your sheet at the moment Complex as I'm trying to finish up my own first sheet for this Month's contest to get it submitted in less than an hour. However, I will quickly let you know that there's broken coding on his Relationship line with Jesus.

  11. #4251
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spammin Spiff View Post
    I don't really have time to totally go over your sheet at the moment Complex as I'm trying to finish up my own first sheet for this Month's contest to get it submitted in less than an hour. However, I will quickly let you know that there's broken coding on his Relationship line with Jesus.
    Thanks for the notice, fixed now. Man, rereading my sheet after I posted, it made me really embarrassed. I couldn't believe some of the most basic errors I made here.
    Last edited by HumanComplex; April 10th, 2022 at 12:32 AM.

  12. #4252
    邪魔 Spanner Random's Avatar
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    Critique, critique... I want to offer my two cents, since you were kind enough to offer me yours, but it's hard to figure out how to phrase criticism because I always feel like a dick for being negative about someone's work to their face. But I'll give it a try.

    In terms of the concept, the execution on it is good. But to me, the concept itself feels somewhat... narrow. Reading it, I get the impression that there was no way throughout your creative process that you could ever see Judas as being a sympathetic figure, so you instead made him a monster because that made more sense? Maybe I'm reading into the latter part of that too much, but the lack of humanity in him feels odd to me. For example, this sticks out:

    Quote Originally Posted by HumanComplex View Post
    As the Unsavable One, his reputation precedes him. His mark on the World was so significant, that people of the Human Order across time and space, whether they come from the same culture, speak the same language, or are even from the same species, curl their lips into disgust when hearing his name. Even if they do not know what his name meant, or even if they never heard a sound in their life, they will know by default that he is the one who finalized the descent of Humanity, the one who concluded the possibility of the return to Salvation.
    This just... isn't true. I know, I know, it's thematic, but leaving aside "all people just psychically know that he's bad from the sound of his name", even people who know about Judas and the deeds ascribed to him don't all agree that he's bad, and historically they never have. The Gospel of Judas - a foundational Gnostic text - portrays him as a misunderstood good guy who was playing a role that he was divinely appointed for. Judas felt guilty in the same way that he did in the Gospels where he was evil, and here he also knew he was going to be misunderstood, but he was assured that it was the right thing to do and he went through with it, sacrificing himself and people's memory of him for the greater good. And I get the feeling you know this, because you referenced themes from the Gospel of Judas within the sheet when you write that he was always destined to do this or that people speculated that he was ordered to.

    Kirei, the guy you draw comparisons with, is fucked up in a similar way, but he's also sympathetic because he's just a guy. He reflects on and worries about the way he was born, but he does his best at his job and finds ways to help people even through his sadistic nature, because he knows he's weird and not everyone is like him. He was a priest for ten years, took that seriously, and was really good at it. He likes spicy foods because he enjoys pain. He seriously mentored Rin and tried to do right by her, despite having killed her parents. Kirei is introspective, he understands his nature and he struggles with living in the world while being the way that he is. He has to live with himself. Drawing those comparisons between him and Judas only serves to accentuate that Judas himself lacks that human depth.

    Judas doesn't have to live with himself, even in his lore. Judas has one motivation. He was born for that motivation, and like a laser-guided missile, he stays locked on it until he dies. It's very black and white, even on a moral level he's unambiguously bad, and I say that as someone who doesn't like Jesus. There's no uncertainty or stakes here. You've written a pretty good laser-guided missile, but I'm not on the edge of my seat to learn whether or not he changes his course or grows into something more. He won't. It doesn't matter what situations he finds himself in or who he interacts with. He's Unsavable. There's nothing more to know.

    I hope that doesn't come off as damning. I like his personality in the context of all this, and he feels very menacing. Abilities feel a little jank, but when do they ever not when it comes to Christianity. All in all, he's a convincing midboss. Not too bad at all for a first entry.

    Fate\last call
    night, dawn, and the birth of stars

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  13. #4253
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BnEl15 View Post
    Overall, I'd say this is my second favorite Judas sheet after Royd's Beast.
    After reading Royd's take on Judas, while I admit it is superior in terms of quality, I don't exactly see the reasoning why Judas was used as a vessel. Besides that one skill Greatest Apostle, I don't see any influence of Judas, at all. If you ask me, Jesus would've been the much more suitable pick, as he was the one described as the Savior and Arbitrator of Gnosis (or reached Gnosis, depending on the version). This is not meant to be an insult to Royd, it's just that I truly think it wasn't the best choice.

  14. #4254
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    Critique, critique... I want to offer my two cents, since you were kind enough to offer me yours, but it's hard to figure out how to phrase criticism because I always feel like a dick for being negative about someone's work to their face. But I'll give it a try.

    In terms of the concept, the execution on it is good. But to me, the concept itself feels somewhat... narrow. Reading it, I get the impression that there was no way throughout your creative process that you could ever see Judas as being a sympathetic figure, so you instead made him a monster because that made more sense? Maybe I'm reading into the latter part of that too much, but the lack of humanity in him feels odd to me. For example, this sticks out:



    This just... isn't true. I know, I know, it's thematic, but leaving aside "all people just psychically know that he's bad from the sound of his name", even people who know about Judas and the deeds ascribed to him don't all agree that he's bad, and historically they never have. The Gospel of Judas - a foundational Gnostic text - portrays him as a misunderstood good guy who was playing a role that he was divinely appointed for. Judas felt guilty in the same way that he did in the Gospels where he was evil, and here he also knew he was going to be misunderstood, but he was assured that it was the right thing to do and he went through with it, sacrificing himself and people's memory of him for the greater good. And I get the feeling you know this, because you referenced themes from the Gospel of Judas within the sheet when you write that he was always destined to do this or that people speculated that he was ordered to.

    Kirei, the guy you draw comparisons with, is fucked up in a similar way, but he's also sympathetic because he's just a guy. He reflects on and worries about the way he was born, but he does his best at his job and finds ways to help people even through his sadistic nature, because he knows he's weird and not everyone is like him. He was a priest for ten years, took that seriously, and was really good at it. He likes spicy foods because he enjoys pain. He seriously mentored Rin and tried to do right by her, despite having killed her parents. Kirei is introspective, he understands his nature and he struggles with living in the world while being the way that he is. He has to live with himself. Drawing those comparisons between him and Judas only serves to accentuate that Judas himself lacks that human depth.

    Judas doesn't have to live with himself, even in his lore. Judas has one motivation. He was born for that motivation, and like a laser-guided missile, he stays locked on it until he dies. It's very black and white, even on a moral level he's unambiguously bad, and I say that as someone who doesn't like Jesus. There's no uncertainty or stakes here. You've written a pretty good laser-guided missile, but I'm not on the edge of my seat to learn whether or not he changes his course or grows into something more. He won't. It doesn't matter what situations he finds himself in or who he interacts with. He's Unsavable. There's nothing more to know.

    I hope that doesn't come off as damning. I like his personality in the context of all this, and he feels very menacing. Abilities feel a little jank, but when do they ever not when it comes to Christianity. All in all, he's a convincing midboss. Not too bad at all for a first entry.
    First of all, thanks for your in-depth critique. I enjoy and honestly need any advice or opposing takes.

    Now, reading what you said, I must admit something first. I did not see any reason as to give him much human qualities (I also kinda forgot about that as well, though now reflecting back on it, I'm fine without it). I wanted to emphasize him as the greatest traitor mankind has ever seen, and the quote you pick was just a way to give a scale how important his actions was to the Human Order. Though, the exaggerated effect is definitely not meant to be a statement in real life. Just that his actions affected the Human Order so much, that an equally ridiculous reactions towards him was warranted.

    I also think you're approaching my sheet wrong. While he was born a human, his mindset is more suitable for a beast, like Kiara's. He's consumed with the emotions he felt during the death of Jesus, even if he cannot differentiate it between happiness or sadness, and because he never felt anything remotely similar to it before, he now wishes to feel it again. Though, he believes now Jesus' death prompted a new bar that stops him from feeling any emotions, so he must preform a greater blasphemy. Because of this, that is quite literally his only human quality, to wish to feel something, no matter how twisted, or "basic" it is. Really, just don't think of him as a human, and more like a fallen angel that God manipulated into creating. And on the Kirei's comparison, I did note that Kirei can tell the difference in emotions, as in he can feel if he does something wrong. Judas here can't, and simply equates blasphemy to salvation, as this is what salvation is to him.

    On the history part, I kinda addressed it during the lore and personality section. Simply put, any other motives for Jesus' death wouldn't make sense in the context I had in mind. I didn't want him to be this misunderstood guy who now regrets his actions, I wanted something pure, but with a unique backstory beyond regular dude who screwed up. And yes, while my sheet was overall black and white, do remember that opposing sides have virtually no distinct difference. I didn't write this in my sheet since it didn't make sense with the theme I was going for, but remember, he cannot tell the difference between emotions. What this mean, if you haven't realize it yet, is that he has the potential to become the Greatest Savior. He can still feel something if he does something objectively good, but it most be on a scale beyond normal humans. Healing a random hobo of the streets? Common occurrence, doesn't make him feel much. Healing an entire nation that was originally beaten black and blue by demons? Now this, he can work with. It's just that the conditions of his life just set him up for damnation, but under the right circumstances, he will heal the entire world unhindered, never straying from this pure path, as long as he can realize that feeling to do so. In fact, I may even make a sheet on that as an alter-ego, but for now, I hope you have a greater understanding of my character.
    Last edited by HumanComplex; April 10th, 2022 at 01:29 AM.

  15. #4255
    邪魔 Spanner Random's Avatar
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    Well, if you're confident in what you're doing and enjoying what you're making, far be it from me to tell you to stop. I know I'm the same on that front.

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  16. #4256
    Knight of Excess HumanComplex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    Well, if you're confident in what you're doing and enjoying what you're making, far be it from me to tell you to stop. I know I'm the same on that front.
    Mmm. Thanks anyways for your reply. Honestly, I would've forgotten about the other side of Judas if you didn't help me remember it. Now, I think I am going to make a sheet based off that, though it'll be very OC.

  17. #4257
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Spammin Spiff's Avatar
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    Assassin of the Judges

    “Summoning complete. Assassin on duty. I am God's sword, and yours as well.”



    Class: Assassin
    Other Classes: Ruler
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Place of Origin: Old Testament

    Parameters:

    STR: C
    END: D
    AGI: A
    MGI: C
    LCK: A

    Height: 170 cm
    Weight: 61 kg
    Likes: Perfectly Executed Plans, his God, Spy Movies
    Dislikes: Tyrants, Booby Traps
    Talent: Picking out the perfect gifts
    Natural Enemy: King Eglon
    Attribute: Earth
    Traits: Male, Servant, Humanoid, Judge, Left-handed
    Armament: Short Sword
    Catalyst: An extremely rusted blade which looks to have been hardly used.

    ~~Class Skills~~
    Presence Concealment: A
    Hides one's presence as a Servant. Suitable for spying. It is possible to disappear completely and become nearly impossible to be detected. The rank of Presence Concealment drops considerably when preparing to attack. Assassin's tale makes it clear he has fantastic stealth, no one being made aware of his sneaking out until a long time after he left.

    Independent Action: B
    It is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for two days without a Master. However, this is the ideal value achieved by maximally conserving mana and avoiding battle and Noble Phantasm usage. Although he did lead an army into battle, he operated without anyone else during most of his tale.

    Sword Creation: E
    A subset of the Item Creation skill; the creation of swords and other bladed weapons either magical or mundane. At E rank, only the creation of mundane blades are allowed, as well as being limited to only small bladed weapons such as short swords and daggers. Assassin had made his own weapons for assassination in his legend, though there was nothing noteworthy about them other than the fact that they were well made.
    “I am self sufficient enough, I just need the raw materials and I can readily arm myself.”


    ~~Personal Skills~~
    Espionage: A
    A Skill which does not conceal one’s presence, but rather makes one's presence fail to register as hostile. This Skill causes others to misunderstand one's status, including mistaking one for a kind neighbor, a harmless pebble, or as the most beloved person. At A rank it is possible to infiltrate an enemy's organization without being suspected. In his legend, Assassin was able to trick the king into thinking he was friendly by bringing tributes regularly. This eventually allowed him to get close enough with said King to be able to assassinate him. Due to being a unique case of someone who's known as equally for his espionage as he is for his stealth, he possess both the Presence Concealment and Espionage skills.

    Left-Handedness: A
    A skill which signifies one as being known for the fact that their left hand is their dominant hand. At this rank, this skill allows for small bonuses in melee combat, such as a chance of making opponents have a harder time blocking or parrying such blows, or have a harder time guessing what moves Assassin will go for. It also offers small bonuses in ranged combat by improving the owner’s accuracy a good bit. Those who have successfully battled left-handed people in their legend are unaffected by this whole skill. As a descendant of the tribe of Benjamin, Assassin was known for being left handed in life, playing an important role in his own legend.

    Tribute Gift: C+
    A unique Charm skill. A gift given by this servant applies a charm effect to the receiver, the strength of the charm being affected by the worth of the given item. At C rank, this skill cannot affect target who possess Magic Resistance of C rank or higher. This skill can also affect those C rank Magic Resistance and below if the target is nobility or a king. The more expensive or closer to the targets wants it is, the longer the charm lasts; thus the charm can last anywhere from a couple minutes to a whole week (due to this finding out an opponent's true name can turn this into a broken ability against those with low Magic Resistance with a bit of creative thinking). In life, Assassin used tribute gifts to trick his target into allowing him to become trusted to the point of letting them be alone together.
    “Master, no time to explain. I need you to get me a large ice sculpture of a goose.”

    Judge of God (True): B
    A skill which signifies one as well as being a Judge appointed by Yahweh from before the time of the Hebrew kings. Its effects are similar to the skills Imperial Privilege, Revelation, and others. This composite skill gives access to the skills Charisma, Tactics, and Instinct all at C rank. The skills which can be accessed by this skill vary from owner to owner, however no matter the owner they can not be given skills which are unique to servants or are a burden on the body. This skill can only be used once every 12 hours, and the owner can not choose which of these skills they will use when they activate this skill, rather one is chosen for them which is "the best way to achieve success". The owner of this skill may not even understand how they can use the skill they are given to become victorious, leaving them to figure out how they can apply it to a situation. Assassin's status as a Judge was not spent as much on the front lines, and he was not as famous as some of his other Judge brethren, causing him to gain a lower rank. At B rank, he can only keep a skill earned from Judge of God (True) for a couple hours before losing it. Despite not having the normal attitude of most Judges, Assassin is still a Judge who freed his people from the control of those who opposed his God.
    “I will admit Judges such as Othniel and Samson are superior in every single way to me, except for the art of assassination in which I exceed.”


    ~~Noble Phantasms~~
    Message From God
    The False Secret to Mask Judgement

    “I have a great secret to tell you. Open your ears and listen to this Message from God.”



    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: C+
    Range: 1
    Max Targets: 1 Person or Servant

    A Noble Phantasm which represents his technique with his sword and his ability to get away cleanly. The Noble Phantasm is not the blade itself, as the blade is just a normal blade, rather, it is an ability of Assassin himself. Passively, it causes any weapon he has on person to be almost impossible to be seen by others until drawn, due to it being given a rank of Presence Concealment. Upon saying this Noble Phantasm's true name release however, Assassin performs a deadly slash across the opponent's stomach. Upon inflicting this injury, mana leaks out from the target and dissipates, thus the target is suffering from a lack of mana making it much harder to fight against Assassin. This mana can not be immediately absorbed by others, rather it is "returning to the earth". Additionally, he can continue and thrust the blade further into the target, dissolving the blade as it enters, transferring its Presence Concealment into the target as it does so. The Presence Concealment the target becomes inflicted with is a special variation called Presence Concealment (Allies), which rather than hiding one from their enemy, hides them from their own allies. These two things combined allow Assassin to easily single out targets for quick assassinations without any interference. This game plan of singling out, separation, and hasty escape is further helped by his second NP.



    Eglon Escape
    The Escape Through the Fortress

    “Escape route found. Noble Phantasm unlocked. Eglon Escape.”

    Type: Anti-Fortress, Anti-Territory, Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank: B
    Range: Varies
    Max Targets: -

    A Noble Phantasm which is his crystalized feat of escaping from a King's fortress without being detected (though in his case he boldly strolled past the people present outside) This NP doesn't embody the concept of the way Assassin escaped, rather it embodies the concept of "complete and utter escape from an opponent's territory". This Noble Phantasm is usually sealed unless certain criteria is met. This NP's True Name evocation is simple yet effective. As long as Assassin can feasibly devise a plan of escape from a created territory, Bounded Field, building, or Fortress, this Noble Phantasm is unsealed and he can instead use this Noble Phantasm to teleport him right outside the area. To reiterate, this is not a simple teleport out; he must first figure out a way he could escape without being detected (whether it's through an air vent, through disguises, or through simply jumping out a window) after which this Noble Phantasm is unsealed and can be used to teleport him outside of his opponents Bounded Field, created territory, Castle, and so on. Due to the magic that this NP has to perform, the mana cost is not cheap, so he may usually prefer to sneak out the old fashioned way. However, during the times he may need to make a quick getaway, it is advisable to use this NP, as you'd rather lose mana than your servant. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you view it) Assassin's first idea of escaping is by bodily strolling out the front door, before moving on to other methods of escape as he realizes that the idea is flawed. One caveat to this Noble Phantasm however is that he can not use this NP in the same place more than once a week. To clarify, this Noble Phantasm itself can be used however many times he wants, however if he has already used it somewhere, he can use it in that exact same place until a week has passed. This Noble Phantasm only teleports himself, and although it is possible to teleport more allies than just himself, the mana cost would come to be much more than most could afford.


    ~~Lore~~
    Assassin's true name is Ehud, the second Judge appointed to rescue the Hebrews. He is famous for his assassination of King Eglon of Moab, and leading an army to capture it following the act. His tale of assassination is unique among the other Judges, making him memorable to all those who read about him.

    Ehud was born as a member of the tribe of the Benjaminites, the warrior tribe among the Israelites. Before he began his work as a Judge, he was just a novice blacksmith, making simple blades for others. However, more than this, he himself was a skilled warrior like his father, Gera. As the attacks and oppression of the neighboring Moabites grew, an answer to the people's prayers for freedom came when one day Ehud told in a dream that he could free his people through the use of subterfuge and espionage. Thanking God for giving them a solution, he found a way to have himself appointed as an emissary of the Benjaminites, and thus forth he would bring tributes to the King of the Moabites, Eglon, during every visit. Overtime, Ehud became a beloved and welcomed visitor to King Eglon, so no one bat an eye when Ehud entered on the day he planned to kill the king. After relaying the current state of the Benjaminites and giving the tribute gift to King Eglon, he cleverly revealed there was a secret message for the king. King Eglon, a man always hungry for food, power, and information, couldn't resist such an opportunity, and had his guards dismissed so that they could have the proper privacy for the relaying of secrets. The King and Ehud then started to make their way to a room where they could speak away from prying ears. Eglon was curious, for the secret could be anything from an uncovered uprising plot to even something like the whereabouts of a powerful magical artifact. His intrigue only deepened when (after the guards had left) Ehud added that the secret he had was a message from God, as he knew that any message from the divine would hold some importance. Though the answers he got were not verbal, but rather, physical as he felt his large stomach torn asunder. Shock and horror filled his face to see Ehud brandishing a short sword in his left hand, unlike Eglon himself though Ehud remained expressionless. As the King began to feel the effects of his wounds, knew it was not time to let relief wash over him, as he still had to enact his escape plan. He surprisingly and boldly walked right out the main door to the room (locking it on the way out), strolling right past the guards, and right out the front gate.

    From there on, he walked non-stop all the way to the tribe of the Ephraimites, informing them of what he had done and recruited them to storm the city of Jericho where King Eglon's fortress was. Meanwhile, Eglon's men realized that he has been in the room for a very long time, and started to become anxious about his well-being. They however were not going to attempt to open the door, out of the fear of angering the king by interrupting his use of the room. However, once a few more hours passed, the men figured it was worth the risk and had the guards break the door down. What they saw was a truly paling sight. In the middle of the room King Eglon lay with a gash across his abdomen, a mixture of blood, stomach fluids, and fecal matter all pouring out of the wound. While some of the men were occupied trying to stop themselves from vomiting, others quickly ran up to the King and saw that the king was barely clinging onto life. However, this relief was short-lived as the sounds of war cries from outside fell upon their ears.

    Ehud, leading an army of Ephraimites, stormed the fortress and finished off King Eglon. The Ephraimites (and later the Benjaminites and the rest of the Hebrew people) rejoiced upon being freed from the hand of King Eglon. From then on, Ehud remained a Judge and maintained the pain for another 80 years before dying peacefully


    ~~Personality~~
    “I am quite simple Master, but if you insist I will tell you about myself.”“I am quite simple Master, but if you insist I will tell you about myself.”



    Ehud is very much a "by the book", no-nonsense, stone-faced person. If he is given a job, he endeavors to get it done however necessary (as long as the methods coincide with his morals). He rarely engages in small talk, and will usually only speak about whatever assignment he is given. When "off the job" and not currently taking part in a mission or Grail War though, Ehud is still a man of few words, but also is very chill. He may usually spend his time talking with others who share interests of his, practicing smithing, or watching Spy movies. He usually does best with a master and allies who are willing to take the extra step to ensure victory, but also do not push his own set of morals. If a master does attempt to make or force Ehud to betray his morals, they may find Ehud refusing to do anything or even trying to kill his master or himself to free himself from the past. He finds friends among other Assassins, especially with the Hassans, as he enjoys spending time with those with similar interests, attitudes, and skill sets. Ehud himself has no wish for the grail, for he considers himself a simple person and really doesn't have anything he would actually wish for. He is willing however to help other people make their wish for the grail come true if he likes said wish.


    ~~Relationships~~
    Benjamin (Archer):
    “Ancestor, it is good to meet at last. Call on me whenever you wish, my sword is yours.”

    Samuel (Caster):
    “The last Judge huh… interesting.”

    David (Archer):
    “Hmm, your skills and style with a sling are as good as my own fellow tribesmen… were you perchance taught by one?”

    The Hassans:
    “Although I consider them a bit on the extreme side, there is almost a kinship between us.”

    Hans Christian Andersen (Caster):
    “Oh, hello Mr. Anderson. Thank you for helping me find some books the other day. Those books by that 'Ian Flemming' person that you suggested to me were enjoyable.”

    Joshua (Archer):
    “It is a privilege to meet one such as yourself. Sarcasm? Where did you get that idea?”

    King Eglon (Caster):
    “Enemies once again it seems… worry not Master, taking out the trash should not take too long.”


    ~~Creator Notes~~
    I was planning to get around to this sheet eventually, since any sheet that's a Benjaminite retroactively gives my Benjamin servant more tools to play around with. I know he's not exactly the most unique servant and probably a bit bland, but I tried my best to make him unique enough so that he stands out from other Ehud sheets. My second sheet for this Month's contest hopefully isn't too far behind, so stay tuned. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

    Image Sources:
    Image Source 1: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/6713946
    Image Source 2: https://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/962..._than_black%29 (original source seems to no longer exists)
    Image Source 3: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/6384867
    Last edited by Spammin Spiff; April 10th, 2022 at 07:10 AM. Reason: Typo fixes

  18. #4258
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    Re profile length: There is no minimum or maximum word limit in the rules. PERSONALLY I prefer brevity; think the kind of sheets you get in the mat books. The normal ones, not the Musashi ones.

    Do bear in mind that these are being judged, and it's hard to grasp the essence of something if you essentially submit War and Peace for judging.

    On another "personal opinion" note, I do think the collapsing is getting a tad out of hand. You know who you are.

    - - - Updated - - -

    On another another personal note, could you all please refer to Servants by the same name when it comes round to voting, it just makes things easier for me when I'm collecting results.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

  19. #4259
    フサナンヨウスギ pinetree's Avatar
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    Sure thing. I'll just use the names Del or whoever else uses in the compilation.

  20. #4260
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asterism42 View Post

    On another "personal opinion" note, I do think the collapsing is getting a tad out of hand. You know who you are.
    As someone who had his hand in popularizing the Collapse meta, I agree. using it too much in a sheet for aesthetic reasons or 'reveals just for the reveal's sake' becomes a bit tiresome over time.
    Remember that hiding the actual class of a servant is a Faker and Pretender thing by nature but even there it is not a must. For other cases it is to show a development of the saint graph perhaps or other concrete reasons. 'just because' is not something that enhances the sheet a lot of times. And as the compiler-in-chief here it makes my service harder too
    Man, the reveal meta a while ago left us scarred, huh?

    On another another personal note, could you all please refer to Servants by the same name when it comes round to voting, it just makes things easier for me when I'm collecting results.
    Heh, it is almost as if it is easier to vote for the creator instead of the sheet, huuuh?
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    Indulge with me in the accomplishments of our abode.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
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