Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[Marethyu77]

It is upon us

[asterism42]

This month's theme is
Fan Classes
Because Extra Classes was already done.

For this month, create a Servant who operates outside of the normal class system! Do you feel like using this as a chance to debut your totally-original class that can't fit in one of the existing classes? Perhaps your Servant is just such a special snowflake that the current containers can't contain how cool they are? Either works.
You're free to create your own class, or use one of the many fan classes that have cropped up on the forums over the years.
Perhaps DelRey's Binder, Heroic Spirit of Connection and Restriction?
Salt Pillar's Questioner, Heroic Spirit of Debate and Discussion?
Wyvern's Lover, Heroic Spirit of Love and Affairs?
Random's Stranger, Heroic Spirit of Peripherality and Generalisation?
To expand your options, I'll also accept classes that technically exist in canon, but require a fair degree of fanon as to how they function. This includes Gatekeeper, Faker, Funny Vamp, and Gunner.

.

[Salt Pillar]

Questioner mentioned, what the fuck is an answer? GRAHHHH

[WhiteFrenzy]

Thanks I love it.

[Dark Squirrel]

At least I do already have an idea. But still not a prompt that fits a sheet I was working on. Oh well, I'll see if I have enough time and

brainrot

energy

to put one out.

[gears]

are Anti-Servants allowed for this? it's not really a Class, but it's definitely a fan classification.

[sutaa]

Anti- feels more like an append to an existing class than a class in its own right, so I'm leaning towards no.
Unless, you know, it's an Anti- of a class that already meets the criteria.

[Marethyu77]

Here’s an April’s Fools sheet for yall, so don’t take my accursed rambling too seriously Warning : imagery in this sheet may contain spoilers for Lobotomy Corporation and includes a depiction of self-harm. l o v e r PRIMORDIAL GODDESS mother earth, endless matrix from which life is born LIKES Humans DISLIKES Pollution ALIGNMENT Neutral Good ATTRIBUTE Earth NATURAL ENEMY Thomas Midgley Jr. STR B END A++ AGI E MAG EX LUK B NP C++ "Why, hello young Master ! It is a pleasure to meet you, my child ! Who am I, you ask ? Oh, of course you'd be curious, I understand. I am ... how to explain it ... the Primordial Goddess from which others stem, the syncretistic root of all those representations of Mother Earth. Oh, don't worry, I wouldn't do anything that would threaten my children, would I ? I just want to remind the world of the truth behind the myths, of the real origin of its beliefs. Please, don't fret too much over it, I promise it's nothing dangerous. After all, anything on Earth is already in the palm of my hand. ... But why ? Why are you scared ? I tell you, I don't want anything bad for you! I just want to make sure mankind can prosper properly with my blessings, without being slowed down by a web of lies and the story being rewritten ! So please ... don't run. It's not gonna be any big deal, once I secure my hold. Why am I wearing such a modern attire if I'm a primordial deity ? Oh, you know, I wanted to act like a scholar of the modern times, since I must rekindle the truth today. So just wait, and I'll knit tightly the best story you've ever heard !" b e a s t BARBARA G. WALKER I wanted rain, so I made God cry ALIGNMENT Chaotic Good=Evil ATTRIBUTE Beast=Star=Human=Earth=Heaven IMAGE SONG They're Only Human NATURAL ENEMIES Antikythera Mechanism, Curse of Grimm (Lostbelt) STR E ~ EX END E ~ EX AGI E ~ EX MAG E ~ EX LUK E ~ EX NP E ~ EX « Skills » Skills Authority of the Beast A The Anti-Humanity Skill of the Beast class. The ability to put a stop to everything created by humanity and the laws that work in their favor. Her understanding of legends and myths as 「the exclusive right of humans」, their unique trait as sentient lifeforms to transform the World according to both transformed truths and made-up lies until the World acknowledges both as factual, is unparalleled, although shaky at best in her interpretations of them from an academic point of view. It wouldn’t be wrong to call it a special attack against stories, and as such, while rather weak against most humans - rumors about someone still of this world rarely reach enough scope - it proves itself extremely dangerous against Heroic and particularly Divine Spirits, manifestations of mankind’s many stories. Independent Manifestation EX A special Skill permitting unsupported manifestation into the World, without the requirement of an energy source, a spiritual anchor or a Master. Signifies the holder as a 「confirmed existence」 thus protected by the logic of the World against time paradoxes and imposition of death. She reaches an unprecedented rank, as if it was a mere matter of fact. After all, the Primordial Goddess, the earthen Mother Nature, is both based on and the base of all the Earth Mother Goddesses scattered around mythologies, and her syncretism has led her to acquire even more attributes from other legends and myths. Thanks to these connections, her existence has been already confirmed thorough most if not all of the sphere of human influence, across both space and time, not unlike the King of Demon Gods or the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven. She has no need to manifest anywhere, because she already is everywhere. Nega-Uniqueness EX The Authority that defines Beast. To deny one's uniqueness, to remove their originality, such is the power she attained. Whereas some Evils of Mankind erase Mystery, she erases the boundaries between one Mystery and another. From the spirits of the now end of western civilisation to the ancestors of the rulers of the island of the rising sun, from the hosts of alien microorganisms in the lung of the planet to the web of dreams of the everywhen, every Mystery shall be studied, compared, assimilated, and finally, rejoined with others. Even the boundaries of space aren't safe anymore, as she has started to seek the eldritch Mysteries of evil deities foreign to the world. Although Beasts are defined by their Logoi and assigned a numerical designation following their characteristics, she broke down even such boundaries. The only way to truly overcome this would be to rid oneself of their Mystery, their entire history, to become nothing more than a cog in the machine like countless others who cannot be denied their uniqueness by not having any in the first place, something only a certain theoretical daemon could claim to have achieved. Divine Core of the Primordial Goddess D++++ A Skill that expresses one being a perfected goddess - in particular, the Primordial Goddess of the beginnings, she from whom all life is born. Of course, it imparts Divinity, a preservation of the mind’s and the body’s absoluteness - at least, as far as external factors go - and so forth. As Barbara G. Walker is originally devoid of any actual divine factor, it could never reach the heights of proper goddesses’ vessels. Even so, she syncretized herself with such a massive quantity of divine factors that she nevertheless attain a degree comparable to the purest half-gods from the depths of the Age of Gods, avatars of Gaia’s will, and possesses a Spirit Origin of a scale worthy of such status, able to use its main Authority without much strain, although subsequent Authorities from other divine factors are another matter. ██████ C- An unnatural part of Barbara G. Walker’s constitution - be that in term of body, mind, or soul - even by the standards of the countless alterations she made to herself. Yet, it is not without reason that she acquired the characteristics of the first generation █████, about whom she talked lengthily in her works within the continuity of goddess worship, therefore within that scope of entities now merged in her Spirit Origin. It would most likely be now impossible to kill her due to the width of her immortality attributes, making her almost devoid of a Concept of Death - if she were to be destroyed, she would undoubtedly come back regardless. Only beings on the scale of Servants can begin to hope to stand before a Beast, and those born from tales can hardly win, as she knits their very Foundations as she pleases … although she isn’t immune to that same phenomenon, due to herself being forged from countless myths. Potnia Theron EX The Authority of the Earth Mother Goddesses, the exclusive right to bring forth life and death as the wielder sees fit, curses and blessings, monsters and heroes. An almighty divine right over such a core principle of existence can only be matched by those who break their shackles as creatures of Earth and head for the endless sea of stars. As exemplified by the Mother of Genesis’ Sea of Life, using this power to mold and reform already existing beings by merging attributes is well within its capabilities, and it’s unsurprisingly its main usage within her hands. In combination with her Noble Phantasm and her Beast’s Nega-class Authority, it is both the source and the result of her power and the reason she has been unequivocally ascribed the trait of an Evil of Mankind, perhaps the only one she didn’t grant to herself intentionally. « Noble Phantasm »Noble Phantasm The Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets Syncretistic Knitting Anti-Story Rank E~EX The Noble Phantasm of the Beast of Syncretism, Barbara G. Walker. Although some more reasonable iterations of her would hold this as a Skill or a Noble Phantasm - more likely materialized by her Encyclopedia -, this absurd iteration of her crystallized it as a supreme ability. To meddle with myths and legends, fake stories and true history, as mere threads she effortlessly weave and knit into whatever she pleases - in a way, it isn’t without connection to the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception or those of Transience - as she sees fit. That being said, a thorough analysis would rather reveal a similarity to the Class Skill of one of the rarer Extra Classes, the Binding & Fettering of the Binders. It is, after all, nothing less than the imposition of the fetters that are stories, the motif of the Threads of Fate present from Ancient Greece to the woven Dream Time through Scandinavia. As long as her target has 「a recorded story」 as a base, she only needs to find a connection - no matter how shallow - to start knitting that target's existence with the connected one. In the case of Servants, which are pretty much only stories, Heroic Spirits that are similar enough - or made to be after previous uses of this Noble Phantasm - may be made to outright fuse. « Relationships »Relationships Elephant's Foot "Oh my… You didn't wait for me to syncretize yourself with that Dragon, and you fuse yourself with anything you touch … And you are an attempted Juvenile Beast ? Amazing ! Did you know some call you “The Closest Human Attempt At Replicating Medusa” ? I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I merge her with you, would she ?" Giordano Bruno (Dark Squirrel) "The love of God is spread evenly across the Universe ? Your assumption on God may need corrections in the next edition, but you hit the mark ! I’m definitely borrowing this one !" Kinoko Nasu (Gil-kun) "You are an astute pupil, I am eager to see you reach even greater heights ! As always, thanks for using my works as your foundation !" Takashi Takeuchi (Morg van Destro) "YES ! YOU SEE THE TRUE VISION !" Host of Clio "This Noble Phantasm of yours … Fascinating, I must say. What do you think about a collab one of these days ?" « Notes »Notes “I wanted rain and I thought the best way to do it was to make God cry” - u/KilianExperience, on r/shittyfoodporn I started drafting this sheet back during the Goofs & Gaffs contest. Then I opened the thread and see that Scotcheroos said out loud what I wanted to say. And Jesus Christ is it ever stressful to write a Servant ans then see everyone on the Discord talk about the figure while I'm writing it. At the time of writing this, still reconsidering whether to scrap it all. Edit: Welp, figured I'd double down and go full in, especially now that it’s April’s Fools, and that discussion about her has died down. Totally didn't last-minute change things to match the prompt, and totally meant to put white as a color to represent the sum of all light gathered and not because I hadn't time to make gradients on my phone. We don't need sanity where we're going !

[sutaa]

What have you done
What have I unleashed

[Salt Pillar]

my...my..signature....

[Vididii]

[Scotcheroos]

What have you done
What have I unleashed

sips tea

Now everyone must vote for Barbie G so we can torment sutaa with the fact that his serious prompt was won
by Barbie G

[DracoScribe]

Mwahahaha yes an excuse for me to use my favorite classes
...now my problem is that it's SO broad i can't decide where to start
Guess we'll see if I feel up to it—

Warning : imagery in this sheet may contain spoilers for Lobotomy Corporation and includes a depiction of self-harm.

OH COME ON.
I'M ONLY ON DAY 36 IN LOBCORP
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.
...
*decides to risk the spoilers cause of not wanting to let that stop her from reading a contest sheet*
Oh phew...ok nothing too bad for me, afaik. I'll be able to read the sheet.
Though now that you've gone and done an April Fool's sheet, it's given me an excuse for one of my possible sheet ideas for this prompt. XD

[Aster]

You have brought a great calamity into this world mare

[pinetree]

Using my moderator powers to force Asterism to institute negative votes just for this sheet.

[Anime Aurelius Anomaly]

You have unleashed a horror of horrors...

And yet I don't feel any anger, just a sense of "why" but then again, "why not"?

[asterism42]

how dare you violate my contest with this abomination

[BnEl15]

Happy April Fools' everyone. And if it's not April 1 anymore in your timezone? W-Well, maybe that's exactly the point! You'd expect a joke sheet to be posted on that date, but I subverted your expectations and thus making the punchline hit harder by posting it the day after! Yes, that is most certainly my intention all along!

Does a Foreigner count, especially if they're using a more fanon interpretation of the Class (no Outer Gods, etc.)? Eh, whatever, if this one doesn't count, then so be it.

I might have some ideas for a more serious entry later down the line, but for now, have this deranged gremlin. I have never been the type to half-ass my jokes.

---

╼ F O R E I G N E R ╾
「 The Genius From Beyond the Stars」
~ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ~

"Nyahaha, it's about time you've summoned me~! You have summoned the once-in-a-century cinematographic genius, the one who showed humanity a path forward, and a grand vision of what could be! I have answered your call from the realm beyond, the one and only... Stanley Kubrick!"
...
"Come on, I know I'm famous and all, but what's with that surprised reaction? I was expecting more of a... oh."
...
"Riiiight~ Ahem, a few questions for you first, then. First things first, I don't happen to be a MoonCancer right now, do I? ...No? I'm a... Foreigner..? All right, next question; this is rather specific, but I don't suppose this is the Moon Cell either, is it? Also no? Sigh, great, just great. Last question... do I really have to call you 'Master'? What even is that? Is that like... some kind of niche Japanese kink the kids are into these days? On second thought, don't answer that. I'm not sure I want to know. In any case, I think I've got a pretty good idea of the situation. You probably have your own questions about this whole thing, but I ask that you keep them to yourself for the moment. I assure you, everything will be answered in due time. Er, for now, just believe me when I say I am definitely Stanley Kubrick, a-and I have a perfectly good reason for my appearance!"

= Stanley Kubrick (Self-Proclaimed) =
~ ♬ ~
​
"Hey!"


Source

Class	Foreigner (?)
Other Classes	Pretender, MoonCancer
Alignment	Chaotic Good
Origin	America (20th century)

	Parameters
STR	E
END	D
AGI	E
MGI	E
LCK	C
NP	E~A

	Profile
Likes	"The wonders of humanity", movies, photography, money, a competent film crew
Dislikes	Anyone doubting her identity, poverty, leaving her studio, "those who have no idea how to handle a camera"
Talent	Directing, special effects, tinkering with movie equipments
Natural Enemy	Tsuruya Nanboku IV, Stanley Kubrick (Pretender), Stanley Kubrick (MoonCancer)
Armament	UFOs (?), laser guns (?), alien apparitions (?)
Catalyst	Original tapes of his movies, so long as the summoning is not performed in the Moon Cell

Bond I

The genius 20th-century film director, screenwriter, producer, and photographer widely recognized as one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. Most of his works were adaptations of novels or short stories spanning a number of genres and gaining recognition for their intense attention to detail, innovative cinematography, extensive set design, and dark humor.

Born in New York in 1928, Kubrick developed an interest in photography and film from a young age. He taught himself film producing and directing after graduating high school before he started making several low-budget short films during the early 1950s. He made his Hollywood debut in 1956 with The Killing, a noir film which received critical acclaim. The two collaborations he took part in with fellow American filmmaker Kirk Douglas further laid the groundwork for his reputation. In 1961, he moved to England due to concerns about crime in the United States, as well as a growing dislike towards Hollywood. Having gained almost complete artistic control over his creative vision, he produced movie after movie, many of which sparked controversy at the time, but would later be regarded as cinematic masterpieces. He stayed in England for most of his life until his death in 1999, having garnered reputation as a genius pioneer in cinematography.

-Wait, putting his life story aside for a second, isn't there an obvious question we're overlooking here!?

"T-There isn't! What is it about my appearance that could possibly give you the idea that I could be anyone else but Stanley Kubrick!? Let's just leave it at that! Besides, I'm sure whatever concern you may have with my appearance is far from the weirdest thing Chaldea has ever seen!"
_________________________


Bond II

Class Skills

Entity of the Outer Realm (D)

"Er, you see, it would normally be pretty unlikely for a frankly powerless hack like me to manifest as a Servant on top of how recent I am, so I... tinkered around with my Spirit Origin a bit and created this patchwork vessel empowered by humanity's fascination with 「extraterrestrial contact」. Roswell, Project Blue Book, War of the Worlds, the Nazca Lines, the Bermuda Triangle... that sort of thing. And before I knew it, I manifested here as a Foreigner! It's almost ironic, isn't it? Nyahaha!" ... "Hm? Outer Gods? Lovecraftian entities? What about them? We conquered the moon, didn't we? That should be proof enough that humanity can conquer just about anything once we put our hearts into it! So eldritch horrors beyond human comprehension? I say bring it! Humans are darn good at comprehending things, so at some point, we'll comprehend them, too... and once we do, they won't be so scary anymore. Woo, behold the power of humanityyy~!"

_________________________


Bond III

"You don't seem convinced of my identity just yet... fine. I was hoping to save this for a more dramatic occasion, but I guess it can't be helped. Behold the grand vision that humanity endlessly yearns for! Manifest, Sublime Moon Odyssey!"

In Pursuit of The Thirty Billion Dollar Dream
Kubrickian Ideal: Sublime Moon Odyssey

Rank E~A
Conceptual

With the snap of a finger, white smoke fills the area as everything around you turns black. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, countless stars spark to life. Foreigner grins smugly as she levitates, effortlessly liberating herself from the shackles of gravity. She offers her hand to you, and the moment you take it, you could feel yourself floating right beside her.

This is a recreation(?) of the vast expanse of outer space. Stars glittering all around you, galaxies swirling in the distance, asteroids drifting, nebulas of various colors radiating a gentle glow... the sensation is unlike any other. Normally, the freezing cold or lack of oxygen would kill you instantly, yet perhaps due to Foreigner's protection, or some other mechanism of this Noble Phantasm, you feel no adverse effects on your body. Instead, your mind drifts toward humanity. Every war waged and every atrocity committed, every difficulty surmounted, every impossible dream realized... even in the most harrowing of circumstances, the persistence of humanity would always find some way to shine through the darkest of nights. The drive to reach out towards one another, to stand up no matter how many times the world beats you down, to innovate and build a better future for the next generation... such is the essence of humanity, and how far have we come!

An indescribable sense of wonder and pride swells within your chest, until...

The stars, the galaxies, the nebulas...

> Wait a second, are they... looping in place?

The moment that realization escapes your lips, you feel the full weight of your body returning, causing you to fall with a thud.
At the same time, you hear sputtering noises, followed by a loud bang.
The gentle colors of space that surrounded you just moments prior disappeared, replaced by a blinding flash of blue.

"WAAAAAHHH, NOT MY PROJECTOR! *Sob* D-Do you have any idea just how much I had to spend just to smuggle this little thing here!? Why does this keep happening to me!? What did I do to deserve this!? Okay, maybe some of it is my fault, but still-! ...Uuuuuuggghh, I should've known that background was too much for its processing power."

> So, Foreigner... Are you actually-

"A-Ahem, hold that thought for a moment. Before you ask me any more questions, um... can you get me down from the ceiling first? I think the wires got tangled up somewhere... Ugh, this is what happens when you have less than twenty bucks for a production..."

_________________________

.
Bond IV

"Uuuuugghh, where do I begin..? Um... ah, I got it. So, you know how there are some Heroic Spirits who fought beside others, and cultivated bonds so strong that they transcend time, allowing said Heroic Spirits to call upon their allies once again, like that King of Conquerors? They're all seriously inspiring, yeah? As for me, haha... it seems the Throne has hit me with the exact opposite of that. Eh? What's that supposed to mean, you ask? Well... You know how many people regarded me as a perfectionist? The type to retake the same scene hundreds of times for that one golden shot, even as my staff practically begged me to stop? Personally, I wouldn't call it 'perfectionism', especially with the negative connotation. I'd rather call it 'having standards" or "true dedication to my craft', but I digress. Whatever the case, my reputation is so well-known that everyone in the Throne, uh... blacklisted me from ever working with them. You'd expect there to be some legendary playwright, some author, or maybe even some industry bigshot from the early days of Hollywood in the Throne who would eagerly jump at the opportunity to work with me, but nooo~! They all hate my guts before I could even ask them, apparently! Not even the people I worked with in life wanted to be summoned here as my familiars due to 'exploitative work conditions' or whatever! So that's why I've manifested this way as a Servant; cut off from my usual funding, with no one to work for me or operate what few equipment I have left... Just finding my footing again as a filmmaker has been a hellishly difficult endeavor..."

> ...That's rough, buddy.

> I'm... sorry to hear that..?

"Ah, but wait one second there, my dear Master! Sure, at first glance, my circumstances may seem like some kind of... warranted divine punishment from everyone I screwed over in the past, but once I got used to it, the whole thing actually doesn't sound so bad! To start over again, penniless and limited to smaller, independent projects... it reminds me of my early days! So much so that through some twist of fate, you can probably consider me Stanley Kubrick (Lily)! Then the thought just hit me; what if this whole thing... is actually another test from Hollywood, or at least some Throne of Heroes equivalent of it!? If I can still come up with a masterpiece despite these limitations they imposed on me... wouldn't that be one heck of a success story to tell!? And so, I began drafting my latest, and possibly greatest project yet, a new magnum opus from the legendary Kubrickian maestro!"

> Okay, but what does this have to do with your, uh... present form..?

"Isn't that obvious? The Throne gave me all the information I need to succeed in this renewed landscape of the entertainment industry. Coming-of-age movies have always been popular since at least the 80's, though I didn't expect those Japanese cartoons to make it this big... but in pursuit of my dreams, I've always been willing to learn and adapt to the times. And one of the first things I learned about the present is that... Japanese cartoons about cute girls overcoming challenges to pursue their dreams are all the rage! Seriously, how many of those Japanese cartoons can you find about a bunch of cute girls who start a band club together and ended up making it big? And yet, I could barely find any about girls in film clubs... So just like that, I found the perfect main character for my next work. I'm... still figuring out the finer details of her personality, but I think I laid enough groundwork already. Now, let me introduce myself again, this time from the beginning..."

╼ F A K E R ╾
「A Fleeting Spark of Infinity and Beyond」
~★~
"Hiiiii~! I'm Servant Faker, Kubrick-chan (Lily!). Can you see these twinkling stars in my eyes? I'm the genius amateur filmmaker who wants to show the world the same sense of wonder and awe I once felt as I gazed upon the starry skies that night! I'm going to make a Chaldea film club, and together with every other bright-eyed dreamer in this place, my movies will bring biiiig smiles to everyone's faces~! Now, let's make our dreams come true, together~!＼(≧▽≦)／"
...
"There, what do you think of that premise? If all goes well, maybe Servant-Hollywood will give my assets back one of these days..."

= Stanley Kubrick (Broke) =
~ ♬ ~
​
"Hey, is that really your takeaway from all this!? Σ(°ロ°)"


Source

> Actually, Faker... How are you doing that?

"Um... do what? (￣ω￣;)"

> That.

"Well, emoting is a necessary skill for any performer worth their salt. I just found a method that would best suit my current character image. (˘ ˘ ˘)"

> Okay, but how do you even verbally pronounce those?

"Either magic or special genius producer privileges. I don't gotta explain shit. ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌"

_________________________


Bond V

Class Skills

Camouflage (D-)

A Class Skill that allows her to manifest as a "Foreigner", along with the falsification of "foreign elements" in her Saint Graph, which she would pass off as "humanity's fascination with the concept of extraterrestrial contact". Obfuscation, falsehoods, and distortion of the truth are nothing new in the realm of cinematography and entertainment. Faker happens to be an expert in creating these distortions... or at least, she would if it weren't for her present circumstances. It seems her lack of resources has really put a dent on her ability to conduct a convincing performance, significantly lowering the Skill's rank. For someone who spent most of her life behind the camera, her acting ability is actually quite impressive. It's just that good acting can only take you so far when your set is mostly limited to basic DIY equipment and what few volunteer staff is willing to participate in her projects. "A Faker!? I'll have you know that my creations are fabrications or cheap imitations of the unknown! They are a picture of what could be! The potential of humanity itself! If it weren't for stupid Throne rules, I would've patented a new Class called Dreamer or Innovator just for me! ...On an unrelated note, I'm pretty sure this Skill is originally ranked A+, or maybe even EX. This is all the more reason for me to expand the Chaldea film club! We could start with a few indie projects, like some short movie you could shoot in your garage, then with every successful production, and every investor willing to pour money to the club, I could use the profits to invest on better equipment, or maybe hire actually competent staff, which in turn would help me score even bigger profits! Ah, I can imagine the cash rolling in already... [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]"... "A-Ahem, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before any of that, the first order of business is to... recruit members for the club, yeah? Advertising isn't usually my department, but I'm sure I could distribute some flyers here and there. Now, won't anyone help a cute, innocent young girl in realizing her dreams~? We'll reach for the stars together, while capturing the beautiful essence of humanity~! Sign up today~! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o"

Personal Skills

A Space Odyssey (B)

One of Faker's most famous works, arguably one of the greatest and most influential movies of all time. The story of a group of astronauts and a supercomputer embarking on a voyage to Jupiter to investigate the origins of humanity, as shown by an alien monolith. The film is noted for its scientifically accurate depiction of spaceflight, pioneering special effects, and ambiguous themes, which continue to invite discussion to this day. Some argue that it painted a bleak picture of human nature, while others believe in a more optimistic interpretation picturing humanity as a species that will continue to innovate and strive towards greater heights. Whatever the case, released amidst the Space Race, the film reignited the general public's passion and curiosity towards space exploration. Separate from the political tensions of the time, the feelings incited by this film could be considered more... innocent in comparison, almost like a child's genuine fascination with "what can we really find out there?" A variation of Pioneer of the Stars, allowing for the realization of "impossibilities", filling one with the sense that everything is possible, and nothing is ever truly beyond reach... or so Faker would want you to think. In truth, this Skill is closer to a placebo effect than any actual miracle. After all, no amount of background research, script-writing, and special effects could overturn the fact that Faker has never actually went to space (presumably). Even so, perhaps there is still something special to be found in "a lie that ignites the dreams of others"... "Whatever deep message that movie has on the nature of humanity and all that... I'd rather keep that to myself, nyahaha! The lesson in A Space Odyssey is whatever you make of it, and I enjoy hearing your different perspectives! It really validates the heck out of my ego whenever- wait, a cute girl like me wouldn't phrase it like that... A-Ahem, I mean, it reeeeaaaalllyy makes me happy to hear people still talking about it even now~! For realsies~! ｡^‿^｡" ... "Aaaaaanyway, unless you're part of some stupid conspiracy rabbit hole, it's obvious that my movies are fake! Scripted! Can you imagine if I actually went to Jupiter to get a shot of the landscape? Even so, the feelings incited by my works, the dreams I wish to convey to the audience... that part is real. So what if this Skill is borderline useless? People don't always need life-changing miracles to chase after their ideals. Sometimes, all they need is the courage to take that first step, and if my creations could give them that sense of determination, even a fleeting one... that must mean I did a darn good job! That's the kind of movie we should continue to make in our perfectly wholesome film club! (≧◡≦)"

A Clockwork Orange (D)

A crime drama exploring themes of psychiatry, juvenile delinquency, and prison rehabilitation set in a dystopian Britain. A delinquent was arrested after a horrific crime spree and exposed to an experimental form of aversion therapy to curb his violent tendencies. Despite receiving several awards and nominations over the years, it was banned in several countries due to "excessive displays of violence", and for supposedly inspiring a series of copycat crimes across Britain. Without getting too much into the movie itself, this Skill... triggers an uncontrollable sense of nausea whenever anyone attempts "an act of violence" towards Faker within a certain radius. While it is largely harmless against Servants, lasting only a minute or two, it can still be severely debilitating to experience one of those bouts of nausea mid-combat. "WAAAAAHH, WHAT'S THIS THING DOING HERE!? I-It totally clashes with my current image! Did the Throne seriously look at a cute schoolgirl-slash-member-of-the-movie-club-with-big-dreams like me and decide to give me the projectile vomit ability!? That movie was a... pretty messed up one for sure, but can't I get something... deeper, or more philosophical than this!? Some Anti-Authority stuff, or some kind of contagious insanity that affects youthful individuals... I mean, those wouldn't be very wholesome either, but literally anything would have been better than this! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞"...... ... "I've decided. As much as I take pride in this production as a filmmaker, I'm going to scrub this section clean for the sake of my character! Y-You didn't see anything over here! Um... Let's just get back to cute Japanese cartoons and coming-of-age dramas, nyahaha~! (ง ื▿ ื)ว"

The Shining (C-)

A legendary horror movie exploring a father's descent into insanity as he inhabited a haunted mountain resort. As most of Faker's usual works, it received mixed reviews for years before it was eventually lauded as one of the greatest horror films of all time. However... "A visceral skeptic such as Kubrick just couldn't grasp the sheer inhuman evil of The Overlook Hotel. So he looked, instead, for evil in the characters and made the film into a domestic tragedy with only vaguely supernatural overtones. That was the basic flaw: because he couldn't believe, he couldn't make the film believable to others. What's basically wrong with Kubrick's version of The Shining is that it's a film by a man who thinks too much and feels too little; and that's why, for all its virtuoso effects, it never gets you by the throat and hangs on the way real horror should." - A certain horror author "The lighting, angles, expressions, and sound effects... Ugh, I gave my all on everything there, and that guy still absolutely hated it.... For the record, I would never call myself a skeptic. If I'm the type to doubt every little thing, like what's possible and impossible, I never would've even considered adapting A Space Odyssey! It's just that... how am I even supposed to start with ghosts, dammit!? I can't just put a white cloth over someone and call it a day! I have to learn every detail about their entire existences in order to depict them properly, anything less than that would be a disservice to the audience! That is proof of my dedication... though in hindsight, maybe that's exactly what he meant by 'thinks too much and feels too little'... in any case, because I totally couldn't interview an actual ghost, I defaulted back to what I know best; horror deriving from human interactions, the kind that escalates overtime, painting an increasingly disturbing picture of things... Still, as much as I'd like to consider myself a free spirit who wouldn't be fazed by even the harshest critics, his words still stung a bit... ( ╥ω╥ )" A composite Skill consisting of Knowledge of Horrors, Human Observation, and SFX. Denotes an ability to understand others, particularly feelings of anxiety, doubt, and primal fear, and reproduce those feelings through a mix of audiovisual effects, storytelling techniques, and editing. That said, there is a mild imbalance to this Skill, where Faker's talents at sound effects and stage illusionism slightly overshadows her capacity to "understand others". "I-I'm trying my best, okay!? A-And I'm making progress, I swear! I'm like... a pro at understanding others now! Totally! (＞﹏＜)" ... "On an unrelated note, our club advisor, Mrs. Nanboku has really been putting me through the wringer lately. I mean, she is a genius in what she does, and she agreed to teach me a thing or two so long as I help out at her theatre, but... I didn't expect this. Sixteen-hour workdays, five days a week, and that was the 'special student part-timer contract' according to her, which was supposedly more lenient than what she could really come up with for a full-time employee. I have to retake an entire scene the moment I so much as stand a single centimeter further than my assigned position, make the tiniest mistake in facial expression, or stutter my lines for exactly one milisecond. Everything has to be absolutely perfect according to her vision, down to every minute detail, and the slightest mistake would- Waaaait a second, is this... is this how I've been treating my employees this whole time, from their perspective? Wow, that's... enlightening. With this newfound realization, maybe I should've... ⊙﹏⊙" > Paid them more for their time and effort? > Offered better employee benefits? > Communicated your ideas better to reach mutual understanding with them? > Given them more paid time-offs to spend on their lives outside the movie set? "Pizza parties and gift coupons! What a novel idea! Yeah, Mrs. Nanboku gave a similar idea, actually. She said nothing shows an employer's gratitude better than a free water dispenser at the office. I mean, those are expenses that could've been spent on the newest equipment or costumes... anyway, those will definitely get my employee's spirits up, creating a better work environment for everyone! (*°▽°*)" > That wasn't even in the... nevermind. "Right, your input is invaluable to me, Master. As I said, I'm a pro in 'understanding the hearts of man' now, and I'll only get better at it! Weekly pizza parties at our film club! Everyone will love me! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°" > What happened to saving money and all that? "Nyahaha~ O-Oh, right, um... can I ask you to pay first, Master? It's for the greater good! This way, we could entice more people into joining, make sure they have a good time, and give them a reason to be productive! Forget killing three birds with one stone! This is like... like throwing a giant rock with a trebuchet to kill an entire migrating flock! Consider it an investment! Pleasepleaseplease~! (ಡ‸ಡ)"

_________________________


Bond VI

Noble Phantasm

In Pursuit of The Thirty Billion Dollar Swindle Kubrickian Untruth: False Moon Odyssey "E-Eh!? Eh!? You... You want me to use this again? Are you sure!? Like... really, really sure!? I mean, I we probably have more money, manpower, and slightly better equipment now, so things might turn out a little better compared to the first time around, but still... this Noble Phantasm isn't something to be released lightly, you know? And I'm not talking solely about the mana cost... U-Ugh, fine, I'll do it! Just... don't come crying to me when the consequences hit you later on! Now, let us conjure a new falsehood; a lie that could move the earth and paint the skies with innumerable stars... False Moon Odyssey! ヽ(>д <)ノ" Rank E~A Conceptual

The faked moon landing conspiracy. A proposition that asserted humanity never actually went to the moon. Instead, pictures and recordings of the legendary moon landing which featured astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were staged by Hollywood, through sponsorship from Walt Disney, a script written by Arthur C. Clarke, and directed by Faker her... er, himself. While the it had little to no scientific basis, the general public's distrust towards authority figures, combined with the fantastic release of 2001: A Space Odyssey just a year before the landing itself, caused the conspiracy to gain traction in the public consciousness for a time. "Woooow, imagine if NASA actually contacted me to make state-sanctioned propaganda... no, faking the entire moon landing would've been a massive hoax spanning the entire world! I would've been set for life! Even more so than I already was back then! Heck, I probably could've bought my own spaceship and go to the moon by myself with all that money! Imagine that, nyahaha~! And for some reason, the Throne decided to give me a Noble Phantasm based on the one thing I didn't do... Wait, on second thought, wouldn't it be better for my resume if I say I did create a massive world-spanning hoax? I'm sure not many other filmmakers could say the same... So yeah, maybe I did work for the government at some point~ Aren't I just soooo~ mysterious? Eh? You're not buying it now? Aww... (｡•́︿•̀｡)" ... "No, this is fine. I'm in my 'positive era' now, I won't let little things like those get me down. This Noble Phantasm is not a hoax. That's such a... stupidly cynical, pessimistic way to look at it. I'd rather call this a projection of the future. A fleeting image of what could be if we learn to set our differences aside and work together for the development of our civilization. A little taste of the stars that we will one day conquer... yeah, that's a much better way to look at it, don't you think!? ╮(︶▽︶)╭" A passive version of this Noble Phantasm is always in effect, a core part of Faker's existence as a Servant. Essentially, her actions will only have as much effect as the target(s) believe them to have. If an enemy believes a flashlight in her hand to be a laser gun, the light will scorch them just as a laser would. If a severely poisoned ally believes the cheap cough medicine in her hand to be a cure-all antidote, they would be right as rain within minutes. Naturally, there are still limits as to what this ability can accomplish, some "impossibilities" that even she cannot overturn with the power of her lies (the usual stuff, such as bringing back the dead or destroying the entire universe). Even so, the main challenge lies more on getting her intended targets to believe her claims, a challenge made much more difficult considering her... usually impoverished state and poor money management skills. A True Name release would unleash the true power of this Noble Phantasm... to a certain extent, at least. By drawing upon the premise of "the moon landing was shot on Earth", Faker is able to merge the textures laws of the Earth and the textures laws of the moon into one and the same. By swapping around elements of these textures, she could induce a variety of stupidly overpowered effects such as zero-gravity, oxygen deprivation, or even the negation of earthly/foreign authorities depending on which texture she decides to apply at the given moment. For allies, this Noble Phantasm would incite feelings of indescribable awe and amazement, rejuvenating the soul and reigniting the spirit. However, these incredible cosmic powers come with a strict caveat: all this can only happen so long as the targets believe they are on the moon, in space, or some close approximation thereof. The moment they doubt this premise, the Noble Phantasm would immediately collapse on itself. As such, Faker must rely on everything in her disposal- such as special effects, CGI, stagehands, allies with supporting abilities, the nausea induced through A Clockwork Orange to simulate the disorientation one would feel in space, and other creative methods- in order to keep the lie going for as long as possible. Once again, a difficult endeavor made many times more difficult through a mix of forcing Faker to genuinely cooperate with others and expend massive amounts of wealth she generally does not have in this incarnation... wait, is that it!? Is this Noble Phantasm some kind of feel-good character development therapy for her all along!? "Also, Master, um... I don't know how to tell you this, but... we're roughly 400,000,000 QP in debt. (￣▽￣||)" > B-But how!? You only used that Noble Phantasm for ten minutes! Maybe a little less than that! "Hey, a lot goes into a movie shoot in a mere ten minutes, you know!? The equipment, backdrop, extras, and other setpieces... You ever see those animators who spent months, if not years for a scene that only lasted minutes!? This is the same thing! B-Besides... I warned you! This is exactly the 'consequences' I warned you about at the beginning, so this isn't entirely my fault! Now, are you going to help me take out a loan or what!? ٩(ఠ益ఠ)۶" ... "You won't..? B-But think of the bigger picture! I promise you, once the Chaldea film club actually takes off and we have more people willing to dedicate themselves to this passion project, this Noble Phantasm's cost would fall, and we'll easily make ten- no, a hundred times the production cost! Waaaaaaaahhh, trust meeeeee~! ಢ‸ಢ"

_________________________


Bond VII

Likes:
"Starting with the obvious, are we? I love theatre! The screen is a magic medium, you see. From the early days of its invention, everyone has been drawn to it as it conveys ideas and sentiments that no other art form can hope to tackle. As for filmmaking specifically, hmm... I think you can only call it a passion when you're doing it for other people, whether it's to convey some sort of deep philosophical message, or purely for their entertainment. The moment you start doing it purely for personal gain, it becomes closer to an 'obsession' , and you wouldn't have as much of a good time throughout the process... at least, that's what I think. So you see, having fun is paramount~! Don't be some... stupid, cynical old man who makes movies only to spite the critics~! I want everyone to find the joy in filmmaking, and discover the wonders of humanity as I once did~! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ"

Dislikes:
"Tell you what, many people considered me a selfish, egotistic prick with stupidly unreachable standards back then, but I'm totally serious about trying to change for the better! Like I said before, I'm in my 'positive era' now, and nothing can faze me. Please, try me with everything you've got, nyahaha~! (￣▽￣)"

> Ooooookay. Faker, what do you think of this shot?

...
...
"It's shit, like holy fuck do you even know how to hold a camera? The angle is fucked, the composition is fucked, the subject is all out of focus... Take this seriously, you idiot. I've seen elementary schoolers with better camerawork than-"
"Wooooow, it's totally amazing~! I'm seriously impressed~! (ノ°益°)ノ"

> So it's okay if I turn up the brightness by 30% and add more transitions like in those Bollywood dramas, right?

...
...
"Yeah~! I think it's good to experiment with new things and find a style that best suits you~! Keep at it, and your talents will rock the movie industry one day~! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻"

> Um, Faker... are you okay? Your expressions aren't matching, and-

"H-Huh, are they!? Waitwaitwait, um... Σ(°△°|||)︴"
...
"Nyahaha, are they~? You must be seeing things, Master. My compliments are always genuine! I really do believe in the act of nurturing budding talents! Heck, that's why I even bothered to make this club to begin with! A place for any big dreamer to not only have fun, but also explore their interests! What could be better than that~? ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ"

> ...I'm scared.

Wish:
"Well, infinite money to fund my projects would be nice, nyahaha~! Ah, but if you're hoping for something deeper than that, then... like in the final episode of those slice-of-life Japanese cartoons, I wish these days would go on forever. Running myself ragged working under Mrs. Nanboku, bickering with my club members, dissecting movies and arguing whose interpretation is better, planning projects with the limited budget and equipment we have at the club... I guess it's not entirely bad. I feel almost nostalgic, even. Back when I was just starting out... I think I must've had moments like these, too. People I would call friends, who accompanied me before I made it big. We drifted apart overtime, and right now I couldn't even remember their faces, but those days must have existed at some point. Heh, I wonder if that's another secret reason why I've manifested this way... In any case, so long as days like these remain, as the bubbly, beloved club president of the Chaldea film club, I promise to make the most of every day, and to remember every one of my club members~! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆"

_________________________


Bond VIII

Spiritron Dress: Moon Bunny

"Ta-daaa, what do you think, Master~? After binging a whole bunch of those Japanese cartoons and comic books, I took notice of this legend of rabbits inhabiting the moon. Personally I thought it lacked... flair, at first. I mean, an army of ninja-cyborg-rabbits invading earth would be a hundred times cooler, but in the end, I guess I can see the appeal of sticking to the classics from time to time. Maybe I should invite the club to make something lighter and kid-friendly this time around. Yeah, this outfit could be a teaser for our next project! How about that!? (☆ω☆)"
...
"That's... not the kind of bunny outfit people have in mind these days? Huh? Wait a second... it's totally him, isn't it!? That guy totally changed the connotation of bunny suits to the general public! HEEEEFFFNEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR!!! ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶"


Source
_________________________


Bond IX

Tsuruya Nanboku IV (BnEl15):
"I admire Mrs. Nanboku's dedication, and studying under her has been nothing short of educational. It's just that... she watched The Shining and A Clockwork Orange once, and now every time I pitch a new movie idea to her, she'd always go 'I know what you really are ( ◉‿◉ )'... Okay, sure, I made a bunch of messed up stuff in my time, but I'm more than that, y'know? At least she doesn't seem to mind the other members... she's barely ever present in the clubroom, actually. She said 'students who seek knowledge should be proactive in approaching their teacher', but on the same conversation, she also said that she's 'just not paid enough for this shit'... well, more freedom for the club, then~! It's nice to have a teacher you can count on when you need her and would leave you the heck alone in any other time~! (￣ω￣)"

Stanley Kubrick (Pretender) (Dreamerless):
"I admit, pretending to be Apollo 11 is not a bad idea at all... but where the heck did you get that kid!? Was it some kind of body modification thing, or did the Throne just give you some lost kid to act as your sock-puppet!? And it couldn't even give me my usual crew!? Also, isn't he like waaaay too edgy!? Like he'd have A Clockwork Orange or Dr. Strangelove as Noble Phantasms rather than another moon conspiracy... Well, in that case, you can consider me Stanley Kubrick (Light) as opposed to his Stanley Kubrick (Dark)! I'm the perfectly swell and wholesome side of Kubrick, who has gone through a twelve-episode journey of camaraderie, self-discovery, and character development~! ...By the way, if you're not using the kid for your Pretender schtick anymore, can you lend her to me? I could use a free extra- I-I mean, an adorable club mascot...（￣～￣;）"

Voyager:


Carl Sagan (RoydGolden):


John F. Kennedy (Vididii):
Don'tmentiontheheaddon'tmentiontheheaddon'tmention the-
"Mr. President~! Despite the nature of your... current manifestation, it's great that you're still keeping your head up~! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b"
Fuck
"Umm, remember when you talked to me about that project in, uh... Area 51? Y-Yeah, that totally happened, and you paid me billions for it! ...Psst, just play along for now, this is good publicity for my club! Don't lose your he- er, don't overthink the tiny details... (⚆_⚆)"
...
"R-Right, anyway, should you ever require my services again, I'm right here! Stanley Kubrick is reborn and ready to take a new sho- I-I-I mean, ready to, um... ready to tackle life's challenges with renewed vigor! Y-Yeahhh~! (ര ‿ ര )"

Chirizuka-kaiō (Scotcheroos):
"The king of... Tsukumogami, is it? ...Heh, you did good. I think it's nice that even if people forget, there are still... others to remember the memories we leave behind. I wonder what my old equipment has to say if they could see me now, compared to how I did things back then. I'm a bit nervous to hear the answer, but... ah, give me a second, Mrs. Nanboku just called... (´• ω •)"
...
"Hm? What's that? Props? Well, we're not exactly super rich right now, but I think we still have enough funds for our next project. We just need to- wait, what did you say? Free props? F-For life? Are you serious? And he's... not bound to labor laws either? I don't know, that sounds pretty exploitative to me, like you can't just..."
*Whisper whisper*
"Okay, okay, whatever. I'm doing things my way. At least this way, he could still get something out of the agreement. ...Right. Yeah, okay then. (；⌣̀_⌣́)"
*Click*
"Sooooo, Your Majesty, this is a bit sudden, but I'm giving you a premium invite to our perfectly wholesome film club with no ulterior motives whatsoever~! If you join today, you can get special benefits like weekly (but not always, depending if the Master feels like it) pizza parties and, uh... a free ice cream machine, I think? I found it in Chaldea's storage room just the other day, but I think it's broken, in a sense that it only produces this... putrid green sludge. Probably just hasn't been cleaned in a while. B-But we'll definitely fix it! And when you do, you can have aaaaall the cold dessert you want~! So join us pleasepleasepleaseplease~ (✧ω✧)"

Antikythera Mechanism (Gears):
"I see, regardless of your origins, someone like you definitely 「lived」 , perhaps more than some actual humans I know... How much have you seen of the human world ever since that fateful day they found you? There must be an entire world in your head just waiting to be shown, and I'm curious to hear every last detail about it... no, wait, 'hearing' it would be insufficient. Really, the only medium best-suited to depict that sort of thing is movies! That's why you should totally join our film club! Rejoice, for in this club, you can do more than watch. On the contrary, you can tell the world about all that you've seen and heard! Nyahaha, does the proposal intrigue you~? (★ω★)/"

Viking (WhiteFrenzy):
"Ooooohh, right, that Viking program! Hah, would you look at that! Humans touched the moon in 1969, and less than two decades later, we got most of Mars mapped out! Isn't that amazing or what!? Nyahaha~ Ah... welcome home. How have you been enjoying things so far? I'm sure things have changed a lot since you left, but everything you missed in your absence... I don't think they're entirely gone either. After all, who invented the camera in the first place, eh? The thoughts and emotions of those who lived back then... to a certain extent, snapshots of them still remain. Which is why, you have a whole lot of catching up to do~! We're going on a movie binge, starting from the 80's up to the 2000's, so you better get some popcorn~! ...No, really, bring your own stuff. I'm saving for a new camera and I can't even buy a glass of lemonade without dipping into those funds. (︶︹︺)"

_________________________


Bond X

Interlude: A Certain Director's Moon Development Project

You open your eyes to an unfamiliar scene... No, wait, maybe you've actually been here before? If you remember correctly, that was-

"Yo, you're finally awake."
You look up to the owner of that voice, only to find a neatly-dressed man offering his hand to you.

Source

"Oh geez, sorry about this. I must've summoned you here by accident due to a connection you have with some other version of me. Still getting used to my admin privileges here, you see. Look, for you, this will probably be another one of those Master dreams or some timey-wimey alternate worldline bullshit you're used to by now, so don't sweat it too much. You'll wake up in no time."

> ...And you are?

"Whoops, where are my manners? That almost completely slipped my mind, though I was hoping my mere presence would clue you in... Oh well, I'm-"

╼ M O O N C A N C E R ╾
「At the End of that Star-Paved Road」
~ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ~

= Stanley Kubrick (Superior) =

"Haha, how about that? Now that's a title I could be proud of, don't you think? Anyway, you probably have questions about... well, everything right now, so allow me to start from the beginning... Welcome to the Moon Cell! ...Or some part of it, anyway. By some unlikely coincidence, I was summoned here myself a while ago, and I've been on some kind of... personal errand here ever since. There are some troublemakers I need to go after, and they're nothing if not elusive. Seriously, I managed to beat them down several times, but they'd always slip away at the last second... Tell you what, Master; since you clearly have nothing better to do until you wake up, and you're going to need a guide to find your way around here anyway, why don't you accompany me for a bit? We could beat up some trash mobs together while we look for the aforementioned troublemakers. I'll even agree to a temporary contract so you can make use of my totally overpowered abilities in all their glory!"

> Is this like a Trial Quest thing?

> Sure, not like I have any other option right now.

Personal Skills

A Space Odyssey (EX)

"​A Space Odyssey is more than a movie. I'm personally pretty proud of the research, special effects, and overall effort I dedicated to that one, but I'd still consider it to be more than that. It's a picture of what could be! The potential of what humanity could accomplish should we learn to set our differences aside and- Eh? My other version also said something like that? Hahaha, I should've figured! As for me, I've always believed everyone took the wrong lesson from the story of Icarus. It's not 'Don't fly too close to the sun'. No one should ever be discouraged from challenging their limits. Humanity should always aim higher and higher. Rather, the real lesson here is 'Just make better wings, you idiot'. Hahaha, it really was a skill issue on their part!"

Eyes Wide Shut (A+)

"...I think you're better off looking up the synopsis to this movie on your own. It's definitely not something you'd want to watch with your parents, though. It was the final movie I directed, and I was trying to explore a new theme with it. Rather than the future, the supernatural, or some large-scale government conspiracy, I thought of something smaller; the intricacies of human relations... Down to the most carnal acts. I gotta admit, recording those scenes were... pretty exciting in their own way, heh."

Dr. Strangelove (B)

"Ooh, this one! 'How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'... This is another one of my personal favorites. I'm not usually the type to get all political with my movies, but the premise of 'What if some madman decides to nuke the shit out of the USSR in the middle of the Cold War' had too much comedic potential for me to ignore. I think it takes some real talent to take an initially unsettling premise considering the real political situation at the time, and make some lighthearted fun out of it with a touch of dark humor. So before I knew it, I came to see it as... a personal challenge, of sorts. I think I did pretty well on that regard, if I may pat myself on the back. Anyway, this is a Skill that induces doubts and paranoia through the concept of MAD... haha, call me naive, but imagine if we could dedicate all that energy to bettering each other instead..."

-- Some time later, after a battle against a bunch of Moon Cell trash mobs... --

"Whaaaaat!? The other me you've got summoned there is a girl!? And she's perpetually broke!? BWAHAHAHAHA, you've gotta be shitting me, right!? Man, that's hilarious! Why would I ever be summoned as a teenage girl from one of those cutesy Japanese cartoons!? Are you sure you're not describing a fever dream or something!?"

> If anything, seeing you here is even more of a fever dream. It's like... seeing a male Jacques de Molay, or a male Attila the Hun after meeting the female one first. It's almost a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

"Er, is your head okay, kid? You're not feeling woozy from waking up in this place? No? Then... Chaldea really is a weird place, huh? Well, unless I get summoned there anytime soon, that's not any of my business. Boy, it's nice to be as financially stable and universally-beloved as I am!"

Your conversation is suddenly interrupted by a bright flash of light, followed by the appearance of six familiar faces. Servants who you knew would not be out of place in the Moon Cell; BB, Meltryllis, Passionlip, Kingprotea, Kazuradrop, and... wait, who's the lady with the glasses again? You don't think you've ever seen her in Chaldea before... well, whatever.

"Ah, it's about time you ladies show up! I was starting to get a little bored here! ...I see you haven't learned your lesson yet."

"S-Senpai!? What are you doing he- gah, forget it, I don't have time for this right now! Listen to me carefully, senpai- step away from that man."

You gave a puzzled look at Kubrick, and he returns your stare with a shrug.

"This guy is the worst! We thought that Christian Emperor or that Greek mathematician was bad, but he single-handedly usurped control of the Moon Cell in one day! For once, I'm being serious here, if no one stops him, he could very well be a Threat to-"

Kubrick raised his hand as he stepped forward, his expression... different.

"Alright, let's just skip the exposition dump here. I'm sure we could use that to tease another Extraverse game, but be honest now, no one actually plays those for the story, right? Besides, we shouldn't keep this interlude running for too long, or people will start complaining about wordcounts again. Anyway, can you believe this, Master? Apparently the magic supercomputer on the moon has been run by AI this whole time! What a revelation, eh? Isn't there something a little fucked up about that? Machines taking credit for what should have been... another crowning achievement demonstrating the wonders of humanity? The artists were just the beginning, hahaha! ...Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore with me around. Once I get this redevelopment plan off the ground, I'll make sure that the Moon Cell is reclaimed fully by human hands. Ooh, maybe I'll even build a theme park here! Kubrickland, in the name of humanity! The only thing I need to do now is to get rid of these incessant insects disrupting my plans, once and for all. Alright, let's begin! Aaaaaand, Action!"

GRAND BATTLE
1/1
~ ♬ ~

Noble Phantasm

The Dream Realized, Usurpation of the Seraphic Record Kubrickian Zenith: Moon Cell Odyssey "You know what else is nice, kid? Having this Noble Phantasm active 24/7 with practically zero mana cost." Rank EX Conceptual, Anti-World

"So, from the way you described it, my Faker form's Noble Phantasm is a 'projection of a dream', yeah? Now what do you think would happen if I'm summoned in a place where that dream- not just reaching the moon, but finding some sort of (arguably) human civilization there- has been more or less realized? This is the end result. An impossible dream made real, and you have yours truly as the one who ignited that dream in the first place thanks to A Space Odyssey, as well as those alleged moon landing conspiracies. Soooooo, due to a bunch of conceptual bullshit I really couldn't care less to explain, I've been given the complete admin privilege over the entire Moon Cell... no, 'admin privilege' is probably still understating it. I can see and alter every line of code, every existence in this lunar world. I'm both omniscient and omnipotent here. This entire place is my studio, free for me to mold as I see fit. Imagine that! Now, I wouldn't call this me playing god per se... If anything, maybe I've been playing human for too long. And this doesn't just apply to me! The fact that some (brilliant, undoubtedly gifted) 20th-century filmmaker like me is able to become a god here and surpass those... High Servants or whatever you call them, this is proof that everything really is possible for humans if you really put your hearts into it! The sky's your limit! With this, the so-called final frontier is yours! Humanity, fuck yeah!"

-- One battle later... wait, you can't even call this a battle, holy shit. This is practically ORT vs. Coughing Baby levels of a joke fight. The scrawny movie guy who died in the 90's actually solo'd the entire freaking Sakura Five, much to the horror of powerscalers and lore enthusiasts alike. Seriously, what the fuck just happened. --

"Well, that takes care of that. I was totally holding back, by the way. Not even 5% of my power. Now, how do I best dispose of them, once and for all... sure, I could just... erase their data like uninstalling an unwanted app from your phone, but that's way too unceremonious, don't you think? Hmm... wait, I know just the thing, actually!"

With the snap of a finger, a large wheel manifests ominously in the sky, slowly rotating.

"I was browsing through the Moon Cell's records the other day- basically like a search history- and I found this nifty thing! This is what they call the... let me check my notes again... 'Chakravartin'..? Yeah, that. This is my reproduction of it, at least. People looooove their callbacks, Chekhov guns, and references to previous installments, don't they? I'll just increase its damage a hundredfold, while limiting its blast radius so I don't end up taking down this whole damn place with it..."

The wheel begins to glow, as if priming their targets.
Being too late to do anything, you give one last look towards Kubrick. His expression was... the same as usual.
There is no maniacal evil grin or anything of the sort.
His convictions remain true, and there is not a speck of doubt in his eyes.
They still show that of a bright-eyed dreamer who genuinely believes that what he is doing is most definitely good for the benefit of mankind.

> Ah, I see, in the end...

Deep down, he reminds you of that girl, even if they express themselves in completely different ways. The "core" of their characters must be the one and the same... that of Stanley Kubrick.

"A small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, bitch."


Source

And with that, everything went white.



- - - - - - - - - - -

The Master of Chaldea wakes up in cold sweat.
In a panic, they rush out of their room, and after a brief inspection, it's revealed that every Servant is well and accounted for, much to their relief.
They bump into someone on their way back.

"Waaaaahh, Masteeeeer, there you are! BB and the others have been giving me dirty looks all morning! What did I even doooo~!? ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)"

Source

Creator's Notes

As I said, I have never been the type to half-ass my jokes.

By the way, that totally serious, non-genderbent MoonCancer Kubrick who has none of Faker's money problems and character development? The one I wrote to be stupidly OP on purpose? Yeah, he's never coming out. A permanent resident of my NPC jail. Actually writing a full sheet for him would just be running the punchline to the ground after it's no longer funny. Or maybe that's the real punchline all along...

[Random]

Never has there ever been a more appropriate time to say this:

Kino.

[Scotcheroos]

Chiri has teamed up with the ice cream machine to force Stanley to watch incredibly shitty Bollywood movies that were shot with a budget of two dollars and a half-eaten popsicle (Chiri will have vengeance for being scammed. The ice cream machine will punish the fiend who called pistachio ice cream 'green sludge')