Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[RoydGolden]

By the way, did anyone get the implication that the sword in Heikegani's Equipment section was meant to be Kusanagi, lost at sea alongside Emperor Antoku? If it's too subtle, I can always edit to make the connection more obvious...

[Sunny]

By the way, did anyone get the implication that the sword in Heikegani's Equipment section was meant to be Kusanagi, lost at sea alongside Emperor Antoku? If it's too subtle, I can always edit to make the connection more obvious...

It makes sense when you point it out, but a slightly clearer allusion might help, whether in that section or elsewhere in the sheet.

Nice detail, though!

[RoydGolden]

So is it voting time yet?

[Shiki]

ok fighting for 2nd and 3rd place.

[4score7years]

So is it voting time yet?

Yes, place your votes now!

[asterism42]

1 point: Heike

2 points: Beast of Gevaudan

3 points: ALMIGHTY KING OF BIRDS

[Spartacus]

I feel like I should pour more effort and just fuck these 'compact sheet' bullshit I trying to do. Gotta stick to what I do the best, long bullshit.

But whatever, time to voty-voty-vote:

3pts: Jade Rabbit; very cute and taking the phrase 'saving the best for the last' too literally

2pts: Harambe; Fuck You

1pt: Sigmund; I love the first NP, definitely make a good scene

Honorable Mention: Crab Samurai, "Wukong", Archaeopteryx

Though I generally dislike nameless Servants, I like Crab Samurai idea, very standout amidst sapient animal sheets, definitely my favorite if we talking about the general concept alone. The NP as a crab exoskeleton is fun and not OP like other thousand Emiya copy pasta. But I feel like the Crab itself is underutilized aside from the NP and the Skills turnout to be a little generic samurai skill (Bushido Code, in particular).

The other two is my 2nd and 3rd before Sigmund and Jade Rabbit changes my mind.

[pinetree]

3 points: Prehistoric Wonder Assassin

Review

Making the concept of a cryptid into a Servant instead of a specific one is interesting. Presence Concealment EX doesn't fit it in my opinion though, would be much better to give them some specialized version in which no one can find him purposefully, but there's a chance they'll meet them by chance; I feel like something like this is more in line with the idea of a cryptid and with his Noble Phantasm.

I should mention that I love their Noble Phantasm, it's really woven well into the idea of the Servant, and the lack of a more concrete descriptions of its effects really sets the mood.

Actually, that's the best aspect of the sheet I think, it really gets you into the atmosphere of a chance encounter with the mystery of the unexpected. Great job.

2 points: Berserker Sigmund

Review

Honestly, I think I like everything about this one.

His skills really tie well with his character and are interesting revisions of concepts we've seen implemented in Servants before.

The Noble Phantasms are great too. The first one seems like it would be incredible to see in a Grail War, though I think you made it a bit to restrictive with the "must be surrounded by three" part. The second one is my favorite Noble Phantasm in this contest, first of all using the shards from his body to fight is just way too cool and definitely something I would want to watch, but the entire mechanic about reforging it is great.
The rampage part of it is also fine, but I specially like the skill it unlocks, mostly because of the imagery of a shining gold wolf attacking relentlessly with a blood red sword.
The personality and relationships are what really endeared me though. His character is the perfect junction of honorable warrior, wild beast and grumpy dog, and you managed to sell it even before the personality section just with his small quotes.
TL;DR: Very good angry doggo.

1 point: Lancer Zhu Baije

Review

I didn't know about Zhu Bajie's end and I like how that affects this aspect of him as a Servant. The rake NP is cool but it feels like the facts that his own owner doesn't seem to completely follow the Eight Precepts should have more of an effect on it, but I don't know enough about the legend to argue how.

I like Dominion of the Terrain, it's the kind of skill that is not a directly boost of power but has its charm in giving great advantages during certain situations which is something I quite enjoy. His other skills could use some more uniqueness though, they fit him but it's kind of a boring kit.

His interactions are also really fun, specially with Shuten, it's a dynamic that I wouldn't have thought of and definitely something I would want to see play out.

Other reviews:

ASSASSIN VALRAVN

I really like how

King's Metamorphosis

Raven of the Slain

works, fits perfectly with an Assassin and requires the Master to really work on strategy and info-gathering to win... but that's about it, would be a cool concept to see in play but isn't very interesting by itself.

SABER HEIKEGANI

Well, the myth of the Heikegani is cool and all but the Servant is really just a generic samurai for the most part. His NP is fine but I feel like there was a lot more you could have done with the skills (why is there nothing relating to the spirits he's made of?) and specially the personality (maybe if you worked more with the prompt and pushed the animal aspect over the samurai one?).

RIDER CORVUS

I really like his personality and how you tied all those legends and cultures to his abilities, but the greek stuff is definitely the focus of the character itself and I would have liked to see some ambiguity about which one he really is: The greek corvus? All of them? None? etc.
You should have made us question more this weird coincidence between cultures, right now it's little more than a cool trivia and a justification for his abilities. It's not bad though, just not spectacular.
Also his "ride" being the hydra he carries is brilliant, I love it.

ASSASSIN RATATOSK

Damn that was fast, we barely learned about the Wildfire skill and here it is.
I don't think it worked well, Salieri's is more about him being the target of the rumors and then turning it into an attack, rather than being the one to spread the rumors. I do like the idea of Ratatosk being a Servant that works better by manipulating people and information, which is also why I don't like his NP, seems to go against the idea of the sheet to give him a fire damage AoE attack.

BERSERKER KRAKEN

Okay, I like the sheet, her abilities and Noble Phantasm are interesting and play off well from her legends, and the idea of a Kraken stuck inside a suit of armor is just cool, but I really think you needed to say more about that concept.
Reading the sheet it feels like I should just assume that Kraken gettting a Viking berserker armor is obvious, you elaborated about why and how on a post right after and those are cool and interesting ideas, but I don't know if they're enough and it's still just not conveied well on the sheet itself.

ASSASSIN WREN

I like the idea but his Noble Phantasm leaves much to be desired, seems to me like there was more you could do with the concept of taking the place of someone right before they're crowned instead of just an attack with extra damage against kings.
Also maybe it's because I just read Corvus' sheet and the idea is still fresh on my mind but not making him a Rider with a very grumpy and uncontrollable eagle as the ride seems like a missed opportunity.

SAVER HARAMBE

I think enough was said by now. Great sheet, great meme.

FOREIGNER BEASTS OF GÉVAUDAN

I really enjoy the idea of linking a feared beast with an otherwordly predator, but I feel like there's two big flaws in your implementation:
1) Foreigners are those who after meeting with an eldritch being, either maintain their integrity even through the madness, or consume that madness instead of being consumed. Saying that as a Foreigner she gives in to Tindalos, losing her identity and sanity, is against the concept of what we've seen so far in the class and immediatly jumped out to me.
Also, despite your apparent misconception about the class, you didn't give her the Insanity class skill. Why? That puzzled me quite a bit.
2) Why is she a woman instead of just a wolf? Seems like a weird decision you never justified on the sheet, Shapeshift is right there and yet you use to to justify her turning from a human into a wolf instead of the opposite.

Despite these, I like the sheet. The mechanics of both of her Noble Phantasms are well impremented and look to be very interesting in pactice, I like how you added a danger of permanent change to her Shapeshift, and I really enjoy her personality: maintaining the soft spot for the weak that she once protected despite everything is really sweet.

AVENGER COULTER (LIE)

TL;DR: Another good angry doggo.
I really like it. The idea of a personification of humanity's fear of nature fearing being abandoned enough to lie like that is very endearing and lends itself to a lot of interesting interactions, and I quite enjoy what you did with his comments on each part of the sheet (though I could do without the obnoxious caps locking, using a different font was enough). I specially liked his line for the Place of Origin.
The skills are REALLY barebones though, you did so well with his comments on other parts of the sheet and I could have used some more of this on them. If they had, you probably would've gotten a vote from me.
The Noble Phantasms are the same, their descriptions are fine so I don't think you needed to make them longer, but I would have loved more commentary from "Coulter" about them.
Also, I do think the first one lacks enough justification for making him immortal, I like how his Luck goes up absurdly to represent how they couldn't catch him, but you should have stopped there.

[FeigningGrey]

3 Points: Jade Rabbit. On top of being a really interesting sheet, I've a personal love for undying loyalty as a character trait and the sheet itself really got that loyalty across in the descriptions for the mechanical stuff as well as the personality and lore bits.

2 Points: Six Eared Macaque. Something about the sheet just clicked with me, probably the Dragon Ball-ness of it, while somehow managing to be serious. His personality was also fairly interesting, being a solid contrast to Sun Wukong even though we don't have Wukong in Fate. Even though he's supposed to be the Vegeta to Wukong's Goku, I feel like a "KORE DE OWARI DA!" wouldn't have gone astray in that relationships tab.

1 Point: The Kraken. Not sure what to throw down here but that NP is really ominous and cool and also very well thought out. the Viking Berserker connection is also cool and I didn't know about that connection before.

[Criarino]

wow, first time I almost get a vote

[RoydGolden]

3 points: Yuètù.

2 points: Harambe.

1 point: Sigmund.

Honorary Mentions: Kraken, Six-Eared Macaque, Coulter

I also see what everyone meant about Heikegani being too "generic samurai"-esque (I even said as such in my author's note for him). I just wasn't sure how to make him more then that.

[JetKinen]

3 points: Yuètù.

2 points: Harambe.

1 point: Sigmund.

Honorary Mentions: Kraken, Six-Eared Macaque, Coulter

I also see what everyone meant about Heikegani being too "generic samurai"-esque (I even said as such in my author's note for him). I just wasn't sure how to make him more then that.

Just my 2 cents:
I think its interesting that the Cancer Constellation is constantly related to death and rebirth in multiple cultures.

[Funderfullness]

3 pts: Jade Rabbit

2 pts: Archaeopteryx

1 pt: Crab Samurai

This was a really good prompt this time around. So much flexing of creative muscles.

[SleepMode]

I might have put more bias towards good characterizations...

3pts - Six-Eared Macaque by zikari8
This one took the top score for me, even more than Yù Tù. As it was a mix of the idea, execution and other reasonings with this guy. To me, the Macaque serves as a good foil to the Monkey King, in both strength and mentality; and to call them "Goku and Vegeta" would've been a fairly decent comparison. Although somewhat bland, the Skills somehow works in making it feel like they are poor imitations to that of the Monkey King's. One highlight is because of the lower rank in Chinese Martial Arts, Lancer is still versatile enough to incorporate new moves from other Servants. But the best part is arguably the exploration into Lancer's character, as this interpretation of him desiring companionship rather than imitating Wukong kind of hit me personally.

All in all, I felt it deserved the three points.

2pts - Yù Tù by Sunny
Like I mentioned beforehand, this sheet is Great. Adorable personality, Skills tailored to the character and the selfless nature behind her NP was the cherry on top. As I loved to listen to both Chang'e and Yù Tù's legends as a kid, I kind of fell in love with the concept as a whole. Pretty much the sentiment that was shared by others.

Someone stop Sunny she’s too stronk

1pt - Zhu Bajie by Fabuzer
Honestly, the 2pts section was tied between this and Yù Tù. Sadly, Yù Tù won out in terms of creative NP and the unique Skills. However, this doesn’t mean I dislike it; for one, what I especially liked was his personality: a man(?) who didn’t find enlightenment through the Saver, but via ages of wandering and experiencing life. And combined with the great fc, it gives Bajie this vibe of some self-satisfaction.

6 Meme pts - Harambe by You
He died for our sins

Honorable Mentions: Heikegani (NP was cool, but too much samurai than crab), Urvögel (Sorry Wren, this is the true King(?) of Birds), Slephnir (‘Destructive Majesty’ personified), Ratatosk (Use of Rumor to incite heaven and earth was pretty clever)

[Fabuzer]

3 points: Harambe
Sorry, but i have to do this. I got tired of Harambe jokes a long time ago, so I was pleasantly surprised when something serious and so fleshed out was made.

2 points: Pentheus
There's nothing particularly amazing in this sheet, but the Skills and Noble Phantasm are definitely excellent.

1 point: Yu Tu
Like many here, I consider this sheet amazing. However, I wanted to stick with the most "animal-like" Servants during voting, although I believe it deserved more.

[Bird of Hermes]

I don’t know if I’ll have the time to do proper commentary so I’ll just do the points:

3 pts- Yu Tu by Sunny

2 pts- Sigmund by SleepMode

1 pt- Harambe

Honourable Mentions/Previous contenders for the top spots:
Heikegani by RoydGolden, Six-eared Macaque by Zikari8, Slephnir by IRUN

[Crying]

Heh, looks like my lack of confidence in Reynard was well-founded. Ah well, the sheet is rather boring - I can recognise that. I'm still not very good at adding and developing the personality or lore stuff for the sheets yet and in this case I rather rushed it, so its just... not interesting enough to be talked about. I'll have to try harder next time, I suppose.

3: Sigmund
2: Beast of Gévaudan
1: Coulter
My votes go the doggos, but I also liked Wren, 'Fake Sun Wukong', Zhu Bajie, Kraken, Basava/Nandi and Yù Tù

[Sunny]

K-Kya, I'm surprised

anyone

people

liked Lancer that much. She was going to be the support/focus ally in the CAS story I was drafting, but what with being in an RP and time constraints, I don't know if/when that'll happen. So I'm happy to see she would have gotten a nice reception. ^^ Even if confused why, um.

As for my votes, I'll edit in the rationale during a train ride later tonight, but...

3 points: Harambe
2 points: Sleipnir
1 point: Pentheus

Honorable Mentions:
- Heikegani
- Sigmund
- Zhu Bajie

[Voyager]

@pinetree Whoops, yeah, that's my misconception. Ah well. I didn't give her Insanity because I thought more skills might be a bit too much for her and I didn't have a good idea of its effects anyways. Her being a woman first was just kind of an arbitrary choice I guess.

My own votes;

3pts - Urvögel

2pts - Sigmund

1pt - Reynard

I like Ratatoskr and Heikagani, too.

[RoydGolden]

Even though I still got only one actual vote, I'm flattered that so many people included me in their honorary mentions this time.