Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[MuramasaMachII]

Shit I broke it back when I updated the lines after fixing it thanks to Draco's feedback.

Thanks, much appreciated!

Of course! And once again, well done sheet!

[Salt Pillar]

3 Points
Democritus by Dark Squirrel
QUESTIONER MENTIONED, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ANSWER??
Wow, just a banger. Scratches the itch of the fanclass prompt perfectly, utilizing both Binder and Questioner to their fullest extent.
Brilliant mechanics and framing, I enjoyed it very much


2 Points
Rāhula by NMR-3
A neat, clever sheet. A welcome short (comparatively) read
Great use of the Fanclass for the point of the sheet

1 Point
Roger Mortimer, 1st Earl of March by BnEl15
WRITE LESS!!!!!!!

[OddEyedDuelist]

Honorable mentions:
Pascal Plum II (I have extreme bias for characters who go fast)
Yamato Takeru (I like it when someone commits to a bit)
Stanley Kubrick (Genius is a powerful word and there's no reason to use it unless you're talking about the Kubrick than there's really nothing to it)

One Points: Democritus by Dark Squirrel
Solid as always. He didn't click for me as much as he clicked for some, but he's still an absolute blast of a sheet. This sheet really captures his attitude as much as it does his philosophy, and that's fun to see in a philosopher servant - who I feel the urge for a lot of the times is to emphasize the philosophy over all else. He's just a fun guy.

Two Points: Scepan Mali by Morg Van Destro
My front-runner for a long ass time. The story of the character just comes through exceptionally well. It's just good, and the conclusion of this sheet is damn near perfect

Three Points: Roger Mortimer by BnEl15
I'm only a little biased because I did art for this. I promise. Jokes aside, the writing here is damn strong, as it ever is. The choice of an explicitly tragic and "twisted" Lover is a fun way to play against the expectations of the class, and it doesn't feel forced or hackneyed. Also, I just like this prose a lot. Always a fun part of Bn sheets. Write more.

[Dark Squirrel]

Comments then honourable mentions votes, I suppose.

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Comments ; warning: wall of textBarbara G. Walker (Marethyu77): entirely bonkers sheet, the joke stands strong to the end with how overpowered she is for no good reason. Not much more to say, it is a joke after all.

Stanley Kubrick (Broke) (BnEl15): you broke your own punchline with the other Kubrick. He is just not interesting, and it is not like you needed to show him to showcase how big of a failgirl your proper Kubrick was. Gotta have to respect your saying you will not be writing a full sheet for a character for whom you effectively wrote a full sheet for.

Darwinian Demon (Morg van Destro): the sheer unhinged premise of the sheet is a delight. The absolute body horror and all. The World can only shudder. It is also a far more interesting take on the idea of "conceptual motherhood" than what we got with Tiamama.

Takenouchi Documents (MuramasaMachII): the rythme is just perfect. Really, it flows so smoothly from one joke to the next it is mightily impressive! The contrast between the two sheets is what makes it work so well. If I had just one gripe, it is that the party animal personality does not really come across that well? At least for me. But the personality we do see is already charming enough as it is! Also damn you for sniping me with the CE song!

La Montespan (Saron): absolutely straightforward sheet. I feel like you could have leaned more into the intrigue/black mass part of her, but since she is a Lover, it was to be expected that that would not be where the focus was. Also no mooning joke to go with the boobs jokes smh.

Zeus-Conius (Baron Magnus): this is the type of sheet that makes you go "Ooooooh that was obvious how did I never think about it". You get away with it masterfully by embracing some very specific parts of the myths, and make them work extremely well. A ticking time bomb in more ways than one. Also well done on making him a serial rapist even though that would have been the very obvious way to go.

Šćepan Mali (Morg van Destro): a very interesting figure from the picture of him you paint. I obviously had never heard about him before, pretty much like everyone here I think.

Amina (Vididii): yet another figure I had never heard of, to my great shame it seems since she looks absolutely metal. Good work on making your own Class for her (and I guess more Servants down the line?), you make it very clear what it is about, how she fits in it, and how others would. She makes for a lovely villain and an utterly loathsome tyrant.

Tarot (Baron Magnus): focusing on the game of tarot rather than all the mystical malarkey that goes with it? Fuck yeah, I absolutely am there for that! That said, I have a hard time figuring out how she works, mechanically. I get that she makes people sit down at the table with her and play a game with the results of the draws affecting both players, but that really... narrow? Then again, we've seen weirder Servants in canon.

Zeus Keraunos (OddEyedDuelist): if I had a penny every time... Well you know the punchline. The contrast with Magnus' sheet is perfect and works in favour of both. You really encapsulate the dread of one of the setting's top gods, and made him entirely distinct from the canon version we saw. If only by making him (relatively) open-minded. I feel there is a very thin line to tread with Gatekeepers: you have to make them OP but there is also such a thing as too OP (this is not a criticism of your sheet, just my musing aloud).

The Chicken Who Crossed the Road (Salt Pillar): first off, thank you for providing me with more reference on what a Questioner is. You do not lie when you say [X] sheet is not insane enough to be one of yours, this really is madness. I admire how utterly apathetic you made her, how while her abilities require people to engage with her, she absolutely does not engage with anyone.

The Lovers (DracoScribe): let me start by saying you did a marvellous job mixing those two Classes together and explaining how they work together. Love, or rather entering into and maintaining a relationship as the ultimate trial makes perfect sense to me. However, that is also where I feel the sheet falls short: since they are already so devoted to each other, what place is there for their Master in this relationship? You mention the friendship route but at the same time you heavily empathise the romance route. Anyways, yay for pro-humans non-humans!

Pellegrino Maria Ernetti (Scotcheroos): what a charming old man. I am extremely torn on taking what is essentially a huge and in fact potentially harmful delusions of someone and... making them right all along (see what Doctor Who did with Tesla). But you make it work really well, mixing the IRL lore with Nasu's Church lore and making the whole of it believable. You will have to walk me through why he is a Stranger tho.

Kaarina Maununtytär (Dragoran21): if I had a penny every time someone made a hyper-specialised Servant in a very odd Class, I would have... probably far more than two pennies, probably even a full pound. Which in this economy is nothing to spit at. You did a good job at making her more complex the more the sheet went on, going from apparently an all-loving airhead à la Europa to someone far more layered. You do take your time getting there but I never felt like the sheet dragged its feet. Purely personal opinion but I am not a huge fan of putting in what each thingy does in FGO.

Wilhelmina Harker (Vance): a good follow-up to your Lucy. I do love me stories of normal people going against fearful odds and triumphing. Or even just spitting in the face of darkness and gods and devils. You made a really good show of how she is a Binder, and support NPs are always great. It makes me sad there is no real Dracula in the Nasuverse because she would have fit right in.

Vasily Arkhipov (RoydGolden): faceless enforcer of justice empowered by the Counter-Force in the name of the nameless masses and able to kill his emotions finds a way to not become a broken, bitter shell of the man he once was, EMIYA fans in shambles. I really am sorry, but I could not get over how much he sounds like EMIYA on paper. The fact you did so little with him does not help, really.

Roger Mortimer (BnEl15): I think it is telling how big an impression your sheet made when I could not come with a line for him from Democritus that I was satisfied with. Absolute banger of a sheet. The absolute whiplash from hope to hopelessness is a delight. That said I feel you missed the mark on making Isabella a girlfailure or pathetic, she just comes across as this moustache twirling villain. But since that does not matter in the slightest for the purposes of the sheet, who cares.

Rāhula (NMR-3): really strong sheet there. Simple, straight to the point, absolutely encapsulates what you want to say about the character. Simple really is better sometimes.

Yamato Takeru (Radi): on the one hand, conga rats for sticking to the joke. On the other hand, you threw away all that made that joke work in Samurai Remnant. Honestly, there is not much more to say, this is just Takeru with jokes sprinkled on top, you did not really make him distinct from his canon version.

Jure Grando Alilović (Scotcheroos): either I missed the punchline or there is no punchline and this is not a joke. Either way, it just does not work for me. Making your OC the absolute top biggest most powerful being in the setting is... Not to mention you do not even sell it well, just going "oh yeah so that was always going to happen". I probably would have the same reaction if it was a canon entry, honestly.

Pascal Plum II (Vulturion): very strong first sheet! Having a glorified bullet for a Gunner makes perfect senses once again, and you managed to make her a real fun character, which always gets points in my book. At first I was a bit annoyed by how the Skills all seemed to assume I knew who you were talking about without you having explained it, but it made the punchline land that much more sweetly.

Gunther (Mycielhasbroken): it is just like BnEl's Kubrick, the displayed Class makes it clear there is more going than immediately apparent. Very straight and to the point sheet, which does exactly what it sets out to do. You could have taken him in any direction, some trickier than others, and you made this one work perfectly. Very straightforward Servant who despite being a hero does not see himself as one because of daddy issues, yet is also not suicidal or really very broken.

Grimm Brothers (Marethyu77): of all people, choosing the Grimm Brothers for the muse of history is not something I would have imagined. You make it work, you truly do. But I feel you did not lean hard enough on either their scholarly side or their mage side, or smashed the two together hard enough.

Well there you have my thoughts. Apologies if they sound harsh, or if there just is not much meat to them.

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Honourable mentionsHonourable mentions

Stanley Kubrick (Broke): real gremlin energy, 100% would use a spray on her like I do not need to with my cats. The "serious" Kubrick at the end really weighs down the sheet for me, he was entirely unneeded for the joke imo. Without him she would probably have gotten at least one point from me.

[b]Takenouchi Documents[b]: honestly I was that close to giving you points because it really is a superb sheet. My bias for the faceclaims absolutely does not help me. But I suppose the personality just does not show through enough? Which is not saying a lot, I know, because it already is very strong.

Zeus-Conius: very strong sheet as well, that sets out to do one thing and does it very well.

Zeus Keraunos: lumping the two Zeuses together because they are two sides of the same very well-minted coin.

Kaarina Maununtytär: again, this is a really charming sheet that strikes a very good balance with its length and pace.

[b]Pascal Plum II[b]: while I feel there could be more meat to her, I am not sure it would really elevate her. As it is, she works perfectly well as this little bundle of energy.

Gunther: another sheet that does perfectly the thing it set out to do. More meat would have been nice, but would also spoil the balance you struck.

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1 Point

Wilhelmina Harker
I was not kidding when I said I really liked her a lot.

2 Points

Rāhula
Neither was I when I said I thought this was a really strong sheet. I dunno, I just find it absolutely charming.

3 Points

Roger Mortimer
How shocking. How unexpected. How surprising. Take your win, BnEl, it is entirely deserved! I think what really sold me on him is that he never really goes "woe is me" and laments over his fate. He is just too dead inside for that. But it does get rid of most of the angst, ironically.

[Morg van Destro]

On DD, the body horror is a big part of the whole sheet, I'm glad you mentioned it. The visuals of her in a fight would be pretty disturbing.

[Scotcheroos]

Honorable Mentions:
Chimpky nungets(Salt Pillar)
Madame de Montespan (Saron)
Isukiri Christ(MuramasaMachII)
Queen Amina (Vididii)


1 Point: Šćepan Mali (Morg van Destro)
sighs

slowly unzips pants

2 Points: Pascal Plum II(Vulturion)
I adore her. She's just a goober who really likes being fast and likes doing 'nyooooooom' things. 10/10 would pat her head and give her candy for faster nyooms.

3 Points: Stanley Kubrick (Eto Bleh} (BnEl15)
Funny fella is funny and I can't help but love both the fact that you got two(ish) sheets in here and the fact that after so long, you've finally written the third of the wholesome sheets I'd managed to scam out of you over a year ago

(Time to get even more wholesome sheets out to further ruin your rep as an angst writer-)

[Dark Squirrel]

On DD, the body horror is a big part of the whole sheet, I'm glad you mentioned it. The visuals of her in a fight would be pretty disturbing.

Knowing where the faceclaim is from helps a lot with visualising the body horror parts, happily (or sadly, depending how you look at it). I just wonder if she throws them out of her womb or just grows them from her skin. Or something else entirely.

[Salt Pillar]

Honorable Mentions:
Chimpky nungets(Salt Pillar)

is chimpken fated to end up like benadril cucumbersnatch?

[Morg van Destro]

Knowing where the faceclaim is from helps a lot with visualising the body horror parts, happily (or sadly, depending how you look at it). I just wonder if she throws them out of her womb or just grows them from her skin. Or something else entirely.

Any part of her skin, and the mass of the offspring doesn't need to match the mass of DD.
You're gonna see her entire body ripple like tar as something large peels out of her.