It’s an idea I’ve wanted to make a reality for some time. The Pope Joan legend is pretty bare. The connection to alchemy and Isis is not direct. Maybe it wouldn’t be wrong to call it OC. The tarot card the high priestess is also known as the popess, in reference to Pope Joan, and it makes strong allusions to Isis and the concepts behind the Isis cult. So I decided to try to link the two, with the male Pope Joan’s lover being the high priestess.
Oh, okay. The connection does make a bit more sense then. I'd even read hints of that when trying to find information on the sheet but nothing direct.
Pope Joan: Oh well then. There's a lot of ideas here and a lot of miscomunication as well. This could use some more polishing, in my opinion. The idea behind the sheet is very good, I'll concede that - it's just that it's really bare (is this even the word?) I meant in the way that you used words, yes, but they really didn't meant anything. I still know nothing of this character, I still don't understand why they have this power or what it does... But really, if you have the time to polish the idea a bit better, I'm sure the final result will be a blast.
I caved in and ended up adding more quotes to my sheet too even though I had promised to not touch it again. I HATE YOU SO MUCH WYVERN /JK
I saw what you did there with her title. Princess of the New World, eh? Starting to get into my groove, I see!
Pope Joan: I'd feel bad about having one of my sheet concepts sniped, but I think this is different enough from any take on the character that I could ever come up with that it's not a huge deal. Otherwise, I've not got much to say that hasn't already been said. Unique concept, perhaps a slight fumble on the execution. Good, though.
Hohoholy shit !
I leave for some time, I come back, and so many excellent servants are posted ! You love to see it.
I feel like my favorite here is Isabel, despite my inexistent knowledge of Brazilian history (except that one revolution and the story of the flag) it really grabbed me in the story of the servant... and the combo with the Pedro II sheet right after ? Oh, man, that was awesome.
Good job everyone, maybe I'll try to make more developed reviews, but just know that I liked every sheet !
Summoning Process initiated…altered formula applied…start…
Light erupts in the summoning chamber and mist fills the room.
Was Chaldea successful again? After a streak of rare Classes being summoned, Chaldea noticed similarities in certain previously thought unimportant variables and tried to experiment.
Were they successful? Yes.
Another of the rare Extra Classes is confirmed, which Class is yet to be determined.
The thick mist starts to dissipate and reveals an imposing silhouette.
Who will this person of legend be?
What Special Class will they be?
Foreigner
A Visitor from the Void
?
Voyager
An Eternal Wanderer
?
Gatekeeper
A Liminal Guardian
?
Watcher
An Observer from afar
?
A deep and confident laughter echoes through the chamber.
The mist is gone and Chaldea is stunned, even the smartest minds in history are without words and the Master of Chaldea is watching in disbelief. Is it possible for them control him in battle? "Haaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaa. Hello my friends, are you the ones who summoned me? A mighty legend? Great! I feel right at home! Not unexpected, right? Haaaaahaaaa."
The Servant comes closer, the windows quake with each of his mighty steps. "I will lend you my aid and swear my loyalty to you. I swear upon this mighty body, the weapons in my hands and the stars in summer sky!"
Then suddenly his lighthearted and friendly mien changes. He is serious, emphasized by his heavy weapon touching the ground with a loud metallic noise, despite it's otherworldly appearance. "But before we begin our battle to protect humanity and the whole World, there is something I ask of you, dear friends.
Something that seems trivial, but is essential in everyone's life! I hope you can provide it to me, else I am afraid that my power can not reach it's maximum potential and our situation can not allow that!"
Chaldea wonders. What could it be? "What I need right now…
what I really have to get first thing now..."
~~ ⫷ -- -- -- ✜ -- -- -- ⫸ ~~
…is a sweet piece of strawberry cheesecake…"
*ginormous tummy stars growling*
Shield in the Stars
"Now that this is out of the way, let me properly introduce myself. I am well aware you know who this body is, it is the same guy who is currently sitting flabbergasted in his chair.
But my real name is John Sobieski of the Shielder Class. Very pleased to make your acquaintance."
Class
Shielder
Alternative Classes
Rider
True Name
Goredolf Musik | John III Sobieski
Aliases
Lion of Lechistan, Savior of Vienna and the Western Christendom, Phoenix Musik, Indomitable Gordy
Origin
Poland, Historical Fact
Height/Weight
174cm/94kg
Alignment
Lawful Good
Attribute
Human, Pseudo-Servant
STR
END
AGI
MAN
LCK
C
B
D
B
C
Likes
Poland, stars, his subjects, food
Dislikes
daytime, danger
Talent
commanding, cooking
Natural Enemy
Ottomans, Threats to Humanity, Hevelius
Armament
sword, shield, helmet
Catalyst
Shield with the Janina Coat of Arms, a hearty polish meal
Class Skills
Self-Field Defense B
A Class Skill of the Shielder class. A power manifested to protect allies and ally territory. The higher the rank is, the larger the defensive area increases.
Applies damage reduction beyond defensive limits, but the effect is halved for himself.
Magic Resistance C
Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.
A high rank for a 17th century Servant, increased due to his Class Container and his Noble Phantasm.
Shared Mind (Strange)
Not a true Skill, but rather a certain condition Shielder is in. Due to their unique summoning, only possible due to the strange circumstances the world is in right now. Shielder and his Vessel Goredolf share a Pseudo Pseudo-Servant relationship. Goredolf now basically has two bodies, his normal one and his Pseudo-Servant one. It is...complicated.
"Perhaps let me just show you. As you can see, I am here in his body. He is there, in his body too. I am me in this body while he is awake and if he is not...(Can somebody please put him to sleep in a few moments? Thank you.)...his mind wanders into this body and merges with mine. Basically it allows him to fight with you on the battlefield without risk, because if I vanish, his mind just returns to his body. When he sleeps he can dream being a hero that he wants to be! And the strawberry on the top is, due to the merged mind, it feels absolutely natural to him. He can be just himself for his stay in this body! Am I not kind to make this happen?" "Absolutely not! Who allowed you to somehow copy my body, even if it is in peak performance for a mage, and make me into a puppet whenever you choose?! I will not allow this Servant to be here any furth--"
"Thank you. Here he comes..."
Riding D
Shielder always rode to battle on a horse, but due to him being summoned as a Pseudo-Servant in the body of Goredolf Musik the Rank was lowered...err I mean increased even! Goredolf Musik is an excellent driver, worthy of driving in the Suzuka Circuit...one day. He is able to expertly ride horses and drive race cars and even the Shadow Border (if just in it's functionality as a vehicle on the ground).
Personal Skills
Military Tactics C
The tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm.
"Of course I have this skill! I am the director of the mightiest Military Force in the World! I command the Master who commands the Servants!"
Shielder was known as a skilled military leader across the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and was feared by the Ottomans as the 'Lion of Lechistan'.
Patronal Privilege C
Owners of this skill are known for being a Patron of the Science and Arts and allows them, similar to Imperial Privilege, to gain skills they usually should not necessarily possess. The difference is that the skills do not need to be temporary and can be kept active all the time, but are limited to (usuallly) non combat skills like Appreciation of Arts, Psychology, Astronomy, etc.
In cases in which the owner was the patron of a Servant in such a field, they could even gain lower ranked personal skills.
"A fitting skill for me if I say so myself. Naturally a Patron of Science like me has this. I bought Chaldea with all my money after all."
Shielder was the friend and patron of J. Hevelius, who honored him with the star constellation of Scutum. He even funded the restoration of his observatory after it burned down. He supported other bigger names of Polish history too. Grants Shielder high knowledge in Astronomy and Mathematics and decent knowledge in History, Poetry, Literature and Philosophy.
Counter Hero (Ottomans) B
A Skill, that reduces the parameters of the statistics of "heroes" that the Servant faces in combat. It is featured as a Class Skill of the Saver Class.
This skill is limited to "Counter Ottomans"
"....I err, I have nothing against them...and---"
Shielder is known for his many campaigns and battles against the Ottomans and is being hailed as the 'Savior of Vienna against the Ottomans', who broke their power in Europe forever. His accomplishment was even immortalized into the stars in the form of his shield he carried into that battle. In his Shielder Container, that concentrates on that aspect, he gains this skill variation. Lowers the Parameter of Servants that can be described as 'Ottomans' or are descendants of them.
Noble Phantasm
Scutum Sobiescianum
Shield of Stars
After his famous battle in Vienna a new constellation was named after him - Scutum Sobiescianum, aka Scutum or just Shield. It is the shield Shielder wore during that fight, placed into the stars for eternity. This makes the Scutum one of the few star constellations not attached with a myth of classical times. Incidentally, the Chinese named the region after battle armor too - Tien Pien, which means 'Heavenly Casque'.
In it's normal state it takes the form of the shield he held in life, but it is now translucent with many different dimly glowing orbs inside it - stars. The Scutum constellation is not a bright one, but nowadays it's beauty is hidden by the city lights. In complete darkness one sees that inside the Scutum is the second brightest Star Cloud in the Milky Way.
The shield grants Magic Resistance and Mana Defense Rank C.
Upon True Name Release he lets go of his shield and it flies few meters into the air, where it starts glowing up and bursts. The many stars of the Milky Way hidden in it expand over a wide area around Shielder and his allies with the five stars of Scutum in the middle. It then looks like a bluish wall with uncountable shining lights of various colors inside it
Due it being named in honor of Shielder's Battle in Vienna, this Noble Phantasm has a strong Anti-Army effect and combined with his Tactics skill, allows him to efficiently repel many Army Summon NP.
"I can not let the young girl do all the work alone when it comes to protecting against all this threats! With my ability I shall protect my Employees and my Chaldea! SCUTUM CHALDEANUM....errr SCUTUM SOBIESCIANUM!"
Goredolf Punch!
Iron Fist
An off-shoot of his Noble Phantasm that grants him Mana Defense C. The vessel of Shielder belongs to a (once) famous Family of Alchemists. His specialty, learned from his father, is the transmutation of his arms into metal for attacking and defending. Actually only an application of said Mana Defense skill, but through the insistence of the Servant this Personal Skill was moved back into the Noble Phantasm section and named like his signature move.
Just go with it, he is really proud of it…
Quotes and Relationships
"Well, you see, I actually like me. Weird as it sounds, an older guy like me with a…voluptuos body is actually not the peak performance of the male body, but I knew I would become like this. Everything has it's time. When you are young and sturdy you can eat what you want and dont care about it, because you are always moving, improving and training. I always enjoyed eating, it is my greatest pleasure, I mean, who's isn't am I right? Haaaahaaaa! But I trained my body out of duty for my country. When I became King, my service on the battlefield was not as needed.
Cut me some slack, my friend! My coronation was delayed just so I could continue commanding my army! To get to the point, with age came the pounds, I accepted it and died with them. It feels…wrong to me to reappear without them. The Throne offered me a younger body without my pounds, I did not wish for that. So I decided to manifest in a young man who appreciates food as well, but also has a deep sense of duty! This young fellow was just a perfect match! And he is even the patron of you…astronomers? My man could be my reincarnation haaaahaaaaa! I hope this allows him to get more confidence."
"I actually like this man a lot! He is a little awkward yes, but his heart is big and at the right place!
As you know, I can manifest as a Rider too. I would have nothing against me using this body again! He loves his race car so much, so why not give him the chance to show his skill?"
"The people of this time celebrated when they noticed that the universe is ever expanding.
But oh my, dare a human do that in his short lifetime!"
Caesar: "It is reassuring to see a legendary commander and strategist of your calibre being such an...absolute unit. Would you care for a meal with me? I have a great Lagos and Pierogi recipe."
Mozart (Lily) / Twinkle Star: "Hmm? Stop hiding in the corner, little one! I can feel you staring at my meal from across the room. Want a bite? It is Śledź, it's really delicious! A must have if you attend a wedding in my wonderful country! Oh you like fish? Haaaahaaaaa, great you will love the Polish Cuisine! Eat up, my boy! While you are eating, I wanted to ask. Do I know you? I feel like I talked to you before or rather..." "Hmm?" "Heh, nevermind. Tell me, what is your favourite fish?"
Memhed II: "GOREDOLF...PUUUN...ey don't just ignore me! Hey!"
Pedro II: "The Southern Cross as a fighting technique? Interesting, very interesting! Do you want to test your skill against my shield of the stars? Scutum and Crux are some of the smallest constellations after all!"
Lore and Background
John III Sobieski (1629-1696), saved Europe from Turkish and Tatar invasions, becoming the hero of Europe by raising the siege of Vienna in 1683.
He was born at Olesko near Lvov, Poland, on Aug. 17, 1629, the eldest son of Jakób Sobieski, commander of the Cracow fortress. He began his education at home, continued it in various European countries and learned to fight from his father. His powerful physique and keen intelligence quickly earned him the reputation of a good soldier. He firmly opposed the non-Christian Tatars and Turks, serving in wars against the Cossacks and Tatars, and became commander in chief of all Polish forces in 1668.
He made a greater name for himself in a brilliant campaign against the Turks, culminating in the victory of Khotin on Nov. 11, 1673.
At the moment of Sobieski's triumph, King Michael died. The victorious general hurried to Warsaw seeking the throne; with a force of 6,000 veterans he overawed the elective Diet and was proclaimed king in 1674, after a delay so he can continue to lead the army. He immediately began clearing Poland of Turks and Tatars, a task accomplished before his triumphant coronation at Cracow on Feb. 2, 1676.
In 1682 John III overcame his distrust of the Hapsburgs and, against the wishes of French supporters, allied with Austria against the Turks. Cooperating with Duke Charles of Lorraine, his former rival for the Polish throne, he led the combined imperial and Polish forces at the Battle of the Kahlenberg near Vienna on Sept. 12, 1683, crushing the Turkish armies besieging it. It was Sobieski's finest hour; he was hailed as a hero throughout Europe.
After Sobieski's campaigns in Moldavia failed, he returned to Poland in 1690 in broken health. Bitterness and humiliation filled his last years as he tried to secure the royal succession for his ambitious but inept and treacherous son Jakób. Poland's aristocratic constitution, which could turn any conspiracy into an occasion for civil war, frustrated his efforts to create a strong hereditary kingdom, opening the way for foreign intervention in Polish affairs. Although Poland's most popular monarch, Sobieski failed, as others had, to overcome the disruptive power of his own noble caste. He died on June 17, 1696, leaving the Polish throne a pawn of European power politics.
Besides him being a reknown military leader, he was also a generous Patron of the Arts, most famously supporting astronomer J. Hevelius, who named a star constellation after him, which is to this day part of the 88 constellations in the night sky. Else one has to admit that he became pretty obese in his later years, one of the reasons of his demise.
Craft Essence
Nocturnal Bonding over a Meal
1am, Novum Chaldea, Kitchen
"I am gonna cook just a little snack again. Nemo Bakery should have the ingredients for it somewhere. Where is the light….EEEEKK!!!"
"Hello there, Director Musik."
"By the stars, do not lurk here in the darkness waiting for me like a predator! Don't you know how frightening it is seeing yourself without a mirror?!"
"Well, I thought you would come here. I mean you weren't already with me at this hour. Couldn't sleep I guess?"
"Of course I could not sleep, Shielder! First you and Holmes put me to sleep during your introduction and now I have to fear that I am….sucked into your mind somehow. I still do not get it!"
"Haaaaahaaaaa, do not worry about the details, Gordy. So you come here for a little nocturnal snack? I like it! The night is a very special ingredient. Especially if you eat in secret it brings certain flavours out."
"I wish I could ask you what the hell you are talking about, but I know what you mean. A midnight snack and hoping you do not get caught by …aggressive homonculi women makes the meal special."
"Well said. Let's get started. I am technically a guest here, but I already prepared something for us. The only thing left is what you wish as the filling. Meat, cheese or blueberries?"
"You are making Pierogi? Why would you put something sweet in there?"
"Excellent choice, blueberries it is. Okay give me a hand here."
"Uugghh fine, just tonight I help you cook the crime against food."
…
"These are quite good, delicious even. So simple, yet so sweet and tasty. Hmmm…Hehe…"
"You are laughing, why?"
"You know, the last time I had something sweet in the night I was poisoned and made big problems for Chaldea. But…"
"You bonded with the young kid, huh?"
"Yes…
Shielder….John. Why me?"
"Ahh, finally, I was waiting for this question, Gordy. Because I like you. You are a great young man. You remind me of myself. Nah, don't say anything, let me talk young man. I see you are in disbelief. Yes I was a strong man back in my youth. When I was your age I probably weight around the same as you, just in muscle. But this was just a sideeffect. I loved to eat and as a soldier for my country I needed to be fit, so I had to train to allow myself this habit. If I were born in your circumstances I wouldve looked like you! And you know what? I would still be confident! You are lacking in confidence. A shame! You are a good leader, you are passionate and caring. You know what to do and when to do it. And you are funny! Not intentionally, but you entertain the people. You are of the flesh what makes a good Ruler. Sure, I did not want my Servant body and it would be dishonest to say I just do it for you, but I chose you nonetheless. You do want to do a bit more in your struggle for survival here, right? I offer you the opportunity to show them and yourself what you are capable of. Give it a try. Just like you tasted something sweet, that should be hearty in your opinion."
"Do you really believe that?"
"Of course I do! See, I would not be in this class right now, if I did not make the wise choice to support this weird, but good stargazer. My name is now basically written in the stars! You did the same, right? Just on a much bigger scale! That means you could easily surpass me! And I will even help you!"
"Thank you. It feels weird hearing what you need to hear…from yourself."
"People always secretly know what they want to hear. They want others to say it out loud, because they think if they say it to themselves it is not as valid. I hope I could prove it wrong."
Editors Notes:
Spoiler:
This sheet expanded faster than Goredolfs girth during christmas dinners. Disclaimer: What I did here is factually wrong. After I finished the framework Hux was so kind explaining to me how Pseudo-Servants function. The real 'canon' approach would be that Shielder Gordy is a Spiritron copy of Goredolf and therefore a separate entity. I really tried to tinker with what I did here, but I could not make it work. I wanted to make Gordy look cool, but with another Gordy that is actually on the battlefield, it creates the opposite of what I wanted to do. So I played with the idea of Shielder just acting like Gordy transfers his mind somehow, kinda like Kogoro Mori in Detective Conan that he is confused and claims the successes in his sleep his own, but I dislike that too, just the same thing. In the end i just sticked with it. So motivated by WhiteFrenzy's comment on my Voyager, I said I will be just a writer that doesnt give any fucks and does what is needed to bring the story I want to convey across. And what I wanted to do was allow Gordy to become a Servant without fundamentally changing his purpose in the FGO story and his character. Gordy will not be permanently on the battlefield, he will stay the director in the background, but in situations when communication through regular means are not possible or has a fervent wish to support his friends on the battlefield, he can go to sleep and communicate with the Master and Mash. Gordy basically uses Shielder like a Spiritron Gundam Suit.
The reason why I made him such a weird Pseudo-Servant in the first place? Faceclaim. Couldnt find one, and I did not want to simply use his original portrait. Then Goredolf came to mind and I thought 'why not'. What connects them is the body, food, responsibility, care for subjects and being the patron of "astronomers".
And this guy...Sobieski...THIS GUY led me into a whole other rabbit hole that could lead to a multi-sheet project that can spiral down to a Sg/LB.
Extra Picture
Last edited by DelRey; June 19th, 2021 at 03:00 PM.
Reason: added extra picture because its cool, corrected name
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE, SLOW DOWN. These sheets are too awesome for me but goddamit im so busy with my servant i cant review them for now. Good Lord, you people are amazing. I swear the momment i drop my second sheet, im gonna go right into review mode. Also, Rey, you absolute madlad, your sheets always amaze me.
Sobieski: I clicked on the text and verbally, alone in my room, out loud, said "You've gotta be kidding me." I think that's the sign of a job well done for DelRey. Will respond with a more in-depth critique at a later date when I'm not working on my second entry, have gotten to read through it proper, and have given my thoughts on the others.
Pope Joan: Oh well then. There's a lot of ideas here and a lot of miscomunication as well. This could use some more polishing, in my opinion. The idea behind the sheet is very good, I'll concede that - it's just that it's really bare (is this even the word?) I meant in the way that you used words, yes, but they really didn't meant anything. I still know nothing of this character, I still don't understand why they have this power or what it does... But really, if you have the time to polish the idea a bit better, I'm sure the final result will be a blast.
I caved in and ended up adding more quotes to my sheet too even though I had promised to not touch it again. I HATE YOU SO MUCH WYVERN /JK
Just wondering, did you click on paragraph in the Lore section? There's a lot more there if you didn't see it (I probably should've made that more clear).
Writing isn't so much my talent, but I'm working on it! I'll probably try to polish the sheet and release it in Create-A-Servant.
Just wondering, did you click on paragraph in the Lore section? There's a lot more there if you didn't see it (I probably should've made that more clear).
Writing isn't so much my talent, but I'm working on it! I'll probably try to polish the sheet and release it in Create-A-Servant.
Oh my god. I dunno if you changed that today/yesterday when I wasn't here already or if it was there since the beggining but IF IT'S THAT, I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE REVOKE MY COMMENTS RIGHTS. I saw that now and yeahhh, it's so much better. Now with what you told us and those aditional paragraphs, I can grasp the character a lot more easier. It's definitely a good idea, I can see it working a lot, but as I said, it just needed more polishing. It's good now, seriously. I'M SO SORRY I WAS STUPID YESTERDAY. ;V;
And no worries, we are all just a bunch of weebs writing sheets as a hobby. But we all learn together one trick or two.
Originally Posted by Wyvern
I saw what you did there with her title. Princess of the New World, eh? Starting to get into my groove, I see!
What can I say... I had to jump into the bandwagon. IT'S YOUR FAULT.
Also DEEEEEEEL. OH MY GOD???
Please, I need more time to properly comment on your magnum opus, but know that you've killed me dead and I hope you're happy with that.
That lore section was always there for John Anglicus/Pope Joan. It was just hidden under the collapse (probably not the best choice, since it's hard to find!). I changed it to spoiler now.
That lore section was always there for John Anglicus/Pope Joan. It was just hidden under the collapse (probably not the best choice, since it's hard to find!). I changed it to spoiler now.
Oho, I came across a certain legend that really hits me in all the right places. Hopefully I can finish this second entry in time, with all the irl stuff going on. And don't worry folks, this one has considerably less edge in it.
I genuinely think this is the most nervous I've felt posting a Servant. That's not an easy thing to do after the crazy guys I've churned out. To think that my quest for freedom would lead me to be bound once again. Even so, I feel that this time will be different, if only because I am still fighting for it in the end. So then, Master, how will we free ourselves of this "Alien God"?
Source
Class: Lancer
Other Classes: Saber, Archer
True Name: Zumbi dos Palmares
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Place of Origin: Brazil
Height: 201 cm.
Weight: 87 kilo.
Likes: Freedom. Carving your own path. Never settling for less.
Dislikes: Slavery. The Portuguese. "Those who mistake freedom for want of control.”
Natural Enemy: Isabel (Beast)
Parameters:
STR: B
END: B
AGI: A
MGI: B
LCK: C
NP: B
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance (B):
Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.
Item Creation (C):
As son of a blacksmithing god, Lancer has a natural affinity for creation despite never doing so in life. With the proper material, he is capable of magically creating several different items of metallurgy. While normally unable to create something on the level of a Noble Phantasm, he is capable of reforging his spear should it break, but such a thing would require a substantial amount of mana.
Divinity (A):
Lancer is a son of Ògún, Òrìṣà of warriors, blacksmiths, and the first of the Òrìṣà on Earth, having cleared a path to it for the others. Because of this, he is given high levels of Divinity.
Personal Skills:
Spirit of Rebellion (A+):
Similar to Nature of a Rebellious Spirit, this Skill is the other side of the coin. Rather than something that negates Charisma, it is a specialized form of Charisma.
Acting akin to Charisma of equal rank, it has the added effect of giving his words the power of Incitement, acting as a mental attack that causes targets to begin having thoughts of rebellion. These thoughts are directed at their allies and those in authority over them, and any failure to resist its effects cause the thoughts to grow with them the longer Lancer speaks. Should they reach a certain point, the target is likely to reject the bonds holding them down and possibly even join Lancer in opposition of them.
The other hidden effect of this Skill is to give Lancer an inherent resistance to Command Seals, making it possible to ignore them should Lancer vehemently disagree with them.
Capoeira (A):
Ancient martial art and ritual dance based around confusing and out-maneuvering enemies with a serious of flowing movements, most of which can easily transition into strikes, fake-outs, and evasions. It was practiced by slaves in the form of dance to obscure its true purpose from their masters, and was widely used by escaped Afro-Brazilians, including those in Palmares. Such was their skill it was said multiple dragoons were needed to face a single warrior.
Lancer himself quickly rose to be one of their greatest warriors, mastering the martial art and becoming one of the fiercest foes to face in battle in his quest for freedom. That being said, it is stated that his own wife, Dandara, was his superior.
Aṣẹ (C):
Translated as power or authority, Aṣẹ is the life-force that runs through all things, living and inanimate. This force comes directly from Ọlọrun, Supreme King of the Gods, and is what links not only everything as one, but also what one who is familiar with its ways can use to affect everything.
While he never learned how to use it, Lancer accumulated much Aṣẹ over the course of his life due to both his demeanor and his use of capoeira connecting him further to the spirits. While Lancer cannot use Aṣẹ to perform miracles or manipulate the world around him as one with a higher rank or greater knowledge could, it does inherently give him authority over people and creatures, acting similar to Charisma in that he is identified as a leader residing over others. It is because of this that Spirit of Rebellion has a positive modifier.
Rejection of Faith (B):
While Protection of Faith is divine protection granted by one’s devotion to their religious views, Rejection of Faith is the destroyer of said protection by one’s rejection of said views.
Though baptized and forcibly indoctrinated into Christianity by a missionary from a young age, Lancer defied and refuted all belief and faith, rejecting not only the Christian deity but the concept of higher beings themselves, instead placing his belief and faith in himself and those who fought alongside him, never knowing of his own origin.
Enemies of a divine nature will lose a rank in both Divinity and Endurance if they are of equal or lower level in Divinity. Those with Protection of Faith of equal or lower rank will have it sealed and also have Endurance lowered by one. Those with higher Divinity or Protection of Faith will be unaffected.
Noble Phantasm
Angola Janga: Kingdom of the Free (B)
Anti-Army
A manifestation of the kingdom of Palmares, or Angola Janga as it is otherwise known, as a Reality Marble representing Lancer's relentless pursuit and desire for freedom that continued beyond him to inspire and join not only his people's but those who came after's dreams and hopes to his own. Rather than the entire central mocambo of Cerro dos Macacos, it is the dense jungle that surrounded Palmares with Mocaco, the royal compound, at the center.
In this jungle, Lancer can call upon phantoms of his warriors to attack his enemies with the same ambush and trap tactics they employed in life, all wielding C rank Noble Phantasms. Should they reach the compound, one that is comprised of over 1,500 houses, they will find Lancer waiting with the entirety of his army, all linked to him by their unwavering desire to be free. This last aspect manifests as the same effect Lancer's spear possesses in completely severing all those within from any outside influence, leaving only the things they themselves possess and have cultivated.
As with most Reality Marbles, it requires a great amount of mana to manifest and can only remain materialized for a short time, that being ten minutes. Although not nearly as powerful as the King of Conquerors or a certain Faker's, it is enough to be an effective trump card just like theirs.
Ganga Zumba: Spear of the Great Lord (B)
Anti-Unit/Authority
A spear named after both his title and his uncle, this iron spear was not one he wielded in life, but one gifted to him by the throne as a crystallization of his unwavering will and rejection of oppressive authority.
Simply put, the weapon is a severer of bonds. Using this spear, it is possible to completely sever the connection an enemy has to an outside being, a familiar, a phantom, or even a Master were he able to attack their Spiritual Core directly. This is a weapon that recognizes no authority but one's own. Any Skills or abilities they gained through outside influences are temporarily locked if they are cut with its blade while anything they gained for themselves or through their reputations are unaffected. It is even able to depower Noble Phantasms if they gain power directly from a higher power, such as holy or demonic weapons.
Consequently, he is actually extremely effective against Foreigners, as a direct hit could completely sever their connection to their Outer God temporarily.
Lore
Zumbi dos Palmares was the last king of the Quilombo dos Palmares, a settlement of escaped African slaves minorly established back in the 1530s. What were once scattered settlements of former slaves hiding out had turned into a kingdom ruled over by the Ganazumba, meaning Great Lord, the first of which was Nganga Nzumbi, Zumbi’s uncle.
When the Quilombo dos Palmares was turned into a kingdom through the joining of the largest settlements, Nganga was elected king by virtue of leading the largest of the villages. While he was technically the chief of the council of settlement leaders, he was equivocally king with his family members taking leadership over the other settlements.
Born in Palmares, Zumbi was soon stolen during a raid by the Portuguese at six years old. He was raised by a priest among several other captured infants, all of which they attempted to indoctrinate them into Christians, giving them new names, baptizing them, and teaching them Portuguese and Latin. They did this for over a decade, beating down and subjugating the youths with their beliefs and rejection of their heritage.
Over the years, the others fell in line. What other choice did they have? Life was easier when they did what they wanted. They were children. They wanted to fit in. To feel appreciated. Growing up surrounded by all these influences, its hard to keep fighting when you slowly forget what you’re fighting for.
Zumbi couldn’t forget. Something inside him cried out in rebellion of those who stole from his home and family. Even as he was forced to learn and ingrain their lessons into his mind, he refused to give in. He bided his time, gaining strength and planning his escape, watching and learning from his captors far more than they intended. For some time, he considered letting in some of the others in on his plan, but, the more he watched them, the more he realized how likely it was they would alert their captors.
He couldn’t afford them suspecting him.
So, after a decade, when he was finally ready, he escaped, making his way back to Palmares. When he returned, his mother and uncle were overjoyed, having considered him all but lost. While he was just as happy to see them for the first time in ten years, Zumbi was a stranger to them now. Initially, it was hard for him to reintegrate into their culture and society, but Zumbi was more than fervent in his reeducation. He took to their lessons with gusto beyond simple excitement. It was the very thing he had worked for all those years. It was his choice. His decision.
He was free to learn what he wanted and not what others chose for him.
He worked and grew quickly, becoming one of their greatest warriors and strategists, others being drawn to and invigorated by his pure passion. It was only fate that he would be placed as one of the leaders of the settlements, earning a seat on the council under Nganga. He continued gaining favor among the people of Palmares, leading many groups to rescue slaves and runaways from the Brazilians.
He lived freely among his people, even marrying Dandara, the only one who could defeat him in capoeira. However, he was not satisfied, for he knew there were more out there who still suffered as he had and, from what some he had rescued had shared, worse. He burned with a desire to free them as well. To give them the second chance he had fought for, but he simply wasn’t strong enough. Even if all of Palmares acted together, they could only do so much, but he could still fight for his and the freedom of his people with all he had.
Which is why he was so angry that, after a particularly devastating raid by the Brazilians that both grievously wounded Nzumbi and captured or killed several of his younger family members, he sent a letter of treaty to the Portuguese Governor of Pernambuco. The governor sent a reply that, if they moved to Cucaú Valley, an area closer to the Portuguese settlements where they could be watched by the government, and return all enslaved Africans not born in Palmares.
Without consulting the rest of his council, Nzumbi agreed to the governor’s terms. Of course, this brought out outrage from many members, Zumbi being the chief among them. The council became divided on the issue, several of which were not born in Palmares, meaning they would be re-enslaved simply because the one they elected as leader had been broken by the conflict. The fight they had fought and bled for, and he was willing to give it away for peace.
When all was said and done, Nganga and his brother Nganga Zona alongside several hundred of their followers left Palmares for Cucaú. There was a brief time when those left were unsure on how to proceed with their leader gone, but it wasn’t long before Zumbi took charge, deciding to go speak to his uncle and try to reason with him.
What happened next didn’t go well, though what actually occurred has been greatly disputed. All that is known is that Nganga was found dead from poisoning, and Zumbi became the new leader of Palmares. As for Zona and those remaining of Nzumbi’s followers, the Portuguese soon reneged on the treaty and re-enslaved anyone they didn’t kill that resided in Cucaú.
For the next fifteen years, Zumbi would further strengthen Palmares and begin conducting more raids to free slaves. This increase in efforts led to even greater retaliation. Still, he and his people were able to repel the many assaults of the Portuguese, outmaneuvering and ambushing them while avoiding true battles unless absolutely necessary, effectively making Palmares invincible by virtue of never being reached.
However, luck and skill can only account for so much, and 1692 to ’94 saw Palmares being surrounded and assaulted by artillery and soldiers alike. Their relentless assault finally destroyed Palmares, ending when they hunted down and killed Zumbi, mounting his head on a spear to decry any legends of possible immortality.
And thus, both Zumbi and the kingdom of the free were killed, but their legacy and memory would live on in the hearts of not only the Afro-Brazilians that would come after but any slaves that desired to resist their imposed life and be as free as those who lived among the palms.
Personality
Relentless, steadfast, prideful, intelligent, and wrathful. Words can only describe so much about the man who desired freedom above all else. Zumbi fought against oppression and strove with everything in his power to not only exercise his own freedom, but to allow others the opportunity to do the same. He led armies with ruthless effectiveness, protected the wounded and captured like they were his own children, and placed his own life on the line time and again to free just one more person of their shackles.
Zumbi does his best to act fairly, believing everyone has the right to make their own choices. However, he also believes that not all choices are the right ones and will be one of the first to call someone out on a perceived misstep. Even so, he does not attempt to enforce his own beliefs or authority over others, acting more in an advising role unless given the chance to act himself. Despite this, he has been known to let his own frustration get the better of him and suppress someone else to take what he believes to be the best course. He’s known to regret and apologize for these actions, but only if he believes the core of their decision was well-meaning.
Even as a strategist and leader, Zumbi was never one for grandiose or overly long speeches. At least, not intentionally. Often times, his own emotions can override his typically more stoic demeanor. Usually, he prefers to let his actions speak for him, leading and teaching by example. This is actually a direct result of his upbringing among the Portuguese where they would always somehow manage to twist their own words in attempts to manipulate him and the others into “seeing things the proper way”. Having seen how effectively it worked on the others, his distrust of smooth talkers and charismatic manipulators transfers to never trusting those who talk too much.
As said before, freedom is a concept that Zumbi prizes above all else. It was his one goal. The thing he and so many others fought, bled, and died for. The ability to make decisions without needing the oversight or consideration of others unless it was desired. To make your own choices and do whatever it is you desire simply because you want to. Something so simple yet so important that people cling to it like the valuable treasure it is. For people who seek it and for himself, Zumbi will fight and continue to fight until everyone has their freedom.
Relationships
Spartacus: Rebellion and freedom may be close in the face of oppression, but once it is gone it becomes nothing but foolishness that can drive one to madness. I see you have already reached that point.
Artoria Pendragon: A King does not enslave themself to their people, nor do they enslave their people to them. They serve and are served. Lead and are led. Only by working as one can anything worthwhile be created. …Inhuman? What fool told you that?
Mordred: You destroyed it all and for what? Becoming king would not have alleviated your pain. Still, you made the choice yourself, even if it was the wrong one.
Morgan: Tyrant. Your own power over your people was your downfall. Whenever one turns people to slaves, they will always desire freedom.
Gilgamesh: You may be one of the most free men I have met. Not a good man, but a free one.
EMIYA: The life of a slave. To think one would willingly choose that...
Jeanne d'Arc: Dying for your god and beliefs. I admire your conviction to the life you chose.
Pirates: Seeking freedom on the water. A dangerous life you lead, but one that clearly shows its merits.
Isabel Cristina Leopoldina Augusta Micaela Gabriela Rafaela Gonzaga: You are a fool. How great your own deception must be that even you believe you are fighting for freedom. You do not desire freedom for yourself or others. You desire control. All you wish is to be the one in power over others. Those who rejected you! Those who did not “see” you! Your own family and everyone with any influence over you! You’d even reject life itself for deciding you are alive for you! Freedom is not rejecting other’s power while holding your own over them! Freedom is not destruction and death! Freedom is not deciding who is “free” and who is not without any thought for those you enforce your will on! Freedom is deciding for oneself despite what others may have! So I tell you now, without any desire for to feed your own satisfaction, that I am free! I decided that!
Afonso I: Ah, yes. A “just” king. I knew several who could speak of the justice your people visited upon them. Fought your own mother for her treatment of your people, but never considered fighting your people for the treatment of their slaves. “Necessary Evil” is it called? How truly just.
John IV: You fought so greatly for your own people’s independence, but you seem to forget there were those fighting for that very same reason within and against your country. I suppose it’s a matter of perspective, isn’t it? Freedom only belongs to your own people? Are you a hypocrite or simply selfish?
Samyaza: You speak of freedom while imprisoning yourself. ...No, I am not speaking of the one your god placed you in.
????????She’s coming down the line. I promise: You lived life without regret or restraint, even in defiance of the gods. …Hm? A single regret? Well, I suppose I have one as well.
Ògún: My father? Hmm…
Craft Essence
Craft Essence
Ganga Zumba
“Why would you do this? You were the one who unified us, and now you wish to tear apart what you built?”
“I… am tired, Zumbi. I wished to save them. To protect them. To live free and how we wanted. To be who we were stolen from our home. To keep our traditions and history alive. But the price is becoming too great. Every day, I wake up unsure of who we have lost. Who they have stolen once more. We live in hiding, praying that we are able to continue our lives and work and sleep of our own accord, but they are always there. Searching. Plotting. Killing. I… I just want peace. I want to see my children and grandchildren and friends grow old safe from the constant fighting and hiding. I want you and Zona and Sabina to be able to live without worry or fear. Can I not ask for this? Have we not fought long enough to have earned this?”
“…Age has dulled you mind. Do you think I and all of our people do not desire the same thing? Were it possible, I would welcome peace, but it is not. Not so long as they continue to buy and sell our people like cattle. Not so long as they will continue to suffer under them while we live free close enough for them to spit on us in disgust. I do not need a man who knows nothing of serving as one lower than a dog to declare whether or not I am free. I am free! And it is with my freedom that I choose to keep fighting! To continue to free other! …And it is with your that you choose to remain complacent. If all you desire is a cage studded with gold, then I hope you are content to die in it.”
With those final words, Zumbi would return to Palmares, never to see his uncle again. Whomever it was that poisoned Nganga, whether it was himself or another as dissatisfied as Zumbi, we may perhaps never know.
What was clear was the Ganga Zumba, the Great Lord of Palmares, left Cucaú that day.
Creator Notes
Who would have thought that someone I discovered four months ago would become so readily relevant when I finally decide to make him? Life has a strange way of linking things together.
Two months ago, I just took some time to bookmark a few things that linked up with Zumbi, and I genuinely got super interested in the Yoruba religion. I was really excited to get to work on Zumbi, but I just kept putting him off. It wasn’t like I was waiting for a contest. I just knew he would be a project, and I had so many other things I wanted to do. So, he and all the other stuff just stood there, looking back at me every time I added another Servant idea to the list. He was waiting. Hope I did him just after such a long wait.
I think part of reason I never did him was… well, because this feels like the sort of Servant that could easily be portrayed the wrong way or as offensive in some capacity. The mere fact that he’s involved in such a hot topic even to this day means there’s a fine line to walk in portraying him. However, you can never be afraid to try and fail, else you won’t make anything worthwhile. It was true for Hali. It was true for Zombie Berserker. It was true Morgan Pendragon. It was true for… probably another Servant I’ve done that I can’t think of. …Hopefully my Greek finale.
Anyway…
Last edited by Morg van Destro; June 30th, 2021 at 03:15 AM.
Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me. Fate/Without Justice
If the contest won't come to Brazil. Brazil will come to the contest.
But in all seriousness, its not like people would blink if we had multiple british candidates or multiple roman ones. It just sticks out because Brazilian Servants are few and far in between and we just had more than one person wanting to write them this time. Which is the kind of stuff I love, because yes, people should try and learn a bit of my country's history. It's pretty interesting.
As for Zumbi:
He is one of the figures I was avoiding for a while. I've written some sheets for his uncle and his grandma, but I avoided writing him so far because I thought I needed a specially good theme or inspiration for them. Like I did with Aqualtune and Gangazumba. It's actually interesting that your version of Zumbi is a Lancer, because its the same class I used for his uncle. There was also a whole deal with his spear being made from the bones of a dinosaur. But that was just me pulling from Quetz and wanting to involve some interesting curiosities.
I like that you included mention of Pedro II and Frenzy's Isabel. It really feels like the sheets are interacting and that he dislikes both in his own way.
He has interesting skills and his lore is pretty accurate. It's a very orthodox take on the figure. I'd say its okay to take some measure of creative liberty with the concept idea for a servant, because they aren't the actual person but the crystalized idea people have of them. It's still a very detailed and direct translation of the man's legend to an easy to understand format. I'm always glad to see more Brazilian Servants from other writers and I look forward to comparing notes with you in the future.
So, my sister is visiting, and I have been focused on other stuff. I've only been able to peruse sheets until now. I suppose I should get on the train.
Let me start of by saying holy shit are you guys killing it. Hell if I know who's going to take the top three in this contest. The vast majority are all easy contenders for the top. Now, onto the reviews.
PS: I'll be going back and adding quotes for all the new people in the spirit of this contest's camaraderie.
Saver of the Heavenly Kingdom: Enlil approves. What a fantastic sheet. As someone who did this exact thing on a scale far too large for any sane individual, I respect the work that went into this. Amazing representation of Hong, and pretty much spot on for what and who he is. Nothing but net for this one.
Ruler of the Republic: Vive la Revolucion! I really like how her sheet is just the French flag, though I wish you had gone with a blue that was slightly easier to read. It kinda makes me want to do a Lafayette sheet. Her existence is tied to a passive Noble Phantasm is a neat idea, and I think you executed it well. The song of liberty as her second NP is just fantastique.
Morgan Pendragon: "What if Nasu knew how to write compelling alt-history with his setting?" the sheet. Giving her the lance is a great idea, and I like the inclusion of Erosion. The parsing out of history into "chapters" is neat, I may steal it for my longer sheets. Like most of these, I don't really have any negative comments or constructive criticism. It's just plain good. Also, knowing you, I'm missing some subtle subtext that hints at something else. Yay for autism!
Guinevere: Big Sad Mom Energy. Another "this forum can do it better" thrown at Nasu's feet like a gauntlet in challenge. I find it endearing how you make the sheets so close to what they would be in the games, including scaling skills, damage values, and turn limits. I really, really like her NP. It's a perfect reflection of what Guinevere was in the Arthurian tales. Being forced to be a ruler in Arthur's absence was also well portrayed, and I'm glad she has a spot in this contest.
Caesar Augustus Octavian (Rider): I'm not against having two versions of the same servant in a contest per se, but if it's becoming a habit, I would advise against it. That said, fleshed out personality is nice, but this guy has far too much going on. He has 5 noble phantasms, and unlike Perseus (whose entire gimmick is he's been given a ton of gifts), this just seems like you gave him everything he could potentially have in other forms, all in one. He's far from balanced (like I'm one to talk), and I think you should have finished his Relationships section before you posted. You had time.
Definitely Pedro II: Once again, Enlil approves. Still not a huge fan of the "Infant's Defiance" skill name, though I do get why it's called that. I think you're being way too hard on yourself. What's here is fucking incredible. You did a good job selling exactly who this character is and why they do what they do. You did a great job explaining the "why and how" of her skills and NP. I especially like how a lot of what she does is tied to her talking, for with her speech comes her authority. Seriously great entry.
Actually Pedro II: Hey, so, where do I hand in my white flag? On my way out? Or do I just hold it up until the contest is over? Your format serves this character very, very well. Like, I could go into specifics about how I love his personality and the fact that I mark out every time I see an Overlord character used to their fullest, but there's not much point. 10/10. To quote Trinimmortal, "We can win this one... FOR BRAZIIIIIIL!"
Pope Joan: I know there's not a lot of recorded history about the figure, but I have to agree with the others. It could have definitely used more time in the oven. There's a good foundation here, but it needs some work in basically every category.
John Sobieski: Screw the canon, you have cake. I was unaware that combining these two would have the same effect as Kirby copying Captain Falcon. Upbeat, fun, annoying Morg because you have quotes after skills, all good things. Shield of Stars is just cool. I don't know if you made it up, but Patronal Privilege is also a neat skill. It would apply to my Dual Servant pretty easily. Keep that spiral into madness going. It's great down here, I promise.
Zumbi dos Palmares: I don't really see a reason to be nervous. I think it's an excellent representation of a little-known historical figure. His story is tragic, and everything that he was and represented to his people is reflected in this sheet. Seriously, good job, man.
EDIT: For anyone that cares, new quotes have been added.
Last edited by TheTruthWhale; June 16th, 2021 at 02:48 PM.
thanks for the reviews btw. Sobieski is my secondary entry actually. My main entry isnt that light-hearted.
We are at 18 entries btw with many second entries already announced. Lets see if we can keep up the trend of participation
Class: MoonCancer True Name: Temujin Alternate Classes: Rider, Foreigner Gender: “Male” Alignment: Chaotic Evil Origin: “Historical Fact” Attribute: Man Traits: Existence Outside The Domain, Male, King, Riding, Servant, Threat to Humanity, Weak to Enuma Elish
Parameters:
STR: A END: A AGI: B MGI: B LCK: A NP: EX
Lore:
History agrees that the figure known as Genghis Khan was born as Temujin around 1162. Much of his early life is shrouded in mystery, though there are some facts that are agreed upon universally.
On the death of his father at a young age, Temujin would make a claim for the position of clan chief. Passed over in favour of his half-brother, he would slaughter the obstacle with no thought for their kinship to secure his position as head of the family. He would marry his betrothed bride Borte at the age of 16, cementing an alliance with her tribe. They would bear a son, the parentage of whom was called into question as Borte was kidnapped by a rival tribe to be the wife of their chieftain, though Temujin would soon rescue her and refused any accusations of infidelity. Such things never bothered him, apparently.
When he was 20, Temujin was captured in a raid by a tribe who had betrayed his own, and temporarily enslaved. However, somehow, he was able to win at least one of his captors over-- escaping in a revolution in which he quickly drew several other clans to his side. So began Temujin’s great undertaking-- a mission to tear down the barriers between the tribes and see them unified into one force, a force driven by his will.
His outstanding tactics and merciless brutality would serve him well in this effort. Employing new technologies, an extensive network of spies, signal systems of smoke and torches, and unflinchingly loyal soldiers outfitted with a wide swathe of weapons, his army was nigh-unstoppable. He would decimate the Tatar army, those for whom the blame for the murder of his father lay upon, and decimate their people by ordering the killings of every Tatar male who was taller than the axle of a wagon wheel-- a height of three feet. His next conquest would be the Taichi’ut clan, their chiefs boiled alive and their armies crushed beneath his cavalry.by 1206, the Naiman tribe had fallen to the ever-growing horde, and assimilating them would grant him control of a huge portion of Mongolia.
The remaining tribes would fold, willingly submitting to his reign. It was then that Temujin became known as Genghis Khan-- “universal ruler”. The title was a symbol of his divine right to rule. It did not matter the beliefs of those under his subjugation: all understood that the Great Khan’s authority was on par with that of the heavens on Earth.
The newly appointed Khan did not waste time exercising his new power. As the teeming horde of Mongol forces grew, so too did the required resources to maintain their strength. In 1207 he marched on Xi Xia, and in two years it bowed its head to Genghis Khan. Two years again, and the Jin Dynasty of northern China-- famed for its artistic and scientific wonders, but appealing for its bountiful rice fields and lavish wealth-- would fall under his gaze. This campaign would last nearly two decades, but by no means would it be Temujin’s only engagement during that time. His reach, by now, was nearly limitless, and he waged wars on the border empires and the Muslim states.
For a time, the Khan tried his hand at diplomacy, setting up a trade route with the Khwarizm Dynasty, a Turkish-dominated empire that included Turkestan, Persia, and Afghanistan. But the governor of Otrar, believing the diplomatic caravan to be a cover for espionage, had it attacked. Temujin demanded the governor’s head for the insult-- he received that of his own subordinate.
The insolence would not go unpunished. In 1219, Genghis Khan personally took control of planning and executing a three-prong attack of 200,000 Mongol soldiers against the Khwarizm Dynasty. The Mongol force poured through every city aligned with their nemeses like a tsunami of iron and blood. No living thing was spared-- animals, women, children. A total annihilation of life, and any that escaped the initial destruction were used as human shields in the next onslaught. Skulls were piled into huge monuments of suffering. Cities were brought to their knees, and the death only ended with the execution of the Khwarizm ruler and his child.
None were foolish enough to challenge his authority after the devastation of the Khwarizm. The period following that campaign was known as the Pax Mongolica. His conquests connected the major trade centers of China and Europe, and the Khan laid down a legal code he had developed known as “Yassa”, based on Mongol common law with improvements of his own design. Breaking his laws was punishable by death, but many agreed they were wise and fair.
Peace could only sate Temujin so long, though. Soon his attention would turn to China again. The Tanguts of Xi Xia had ignored his orders to provide troops for the Khwarizm campaign, and were openly rebelling. Such could not stand. Several easy victories later, the resistance was snuffed out as if it had never begun. But only after the execution of the imperial family and the ending of the Tangut lineage was Genghis Khan done.
But even a reign as fearsome as his must come to an end. In 1227, shortly after the Xi Xia subjugation, Genghis Khan died. Though the circumstances of his death remain unknown, he was buried without markings according to the customs of his tribe in an undisclosed location near his birthplace-- close to the Onon River and the Khentii Mountains in northern Mongolia. According to legend, the bearers of his corpse killed any living creature they encountered to conceal the location of the burial site, and a river was diverted over his grave to make it impossible to find. So ends the legend of Genghis Khan...
...at least, that is what human history understands.
As is always the case, truth is stranger than fiction.
The details of his deeds are accurate, yes. But his origin, and his motivations, are far beyond mortal comprehension... quite literally, from beyond the stars.
Not born of man at all, this being’s true name is Velber 01. Much like his sister, Velber 02, the White Titan that once threatened the Olympians, Temujin is an alien superweapon known as an Anti-Cell designed by a progenitor race to harvest the bountiful resource of humanity at the will of the Wandering Star of Predation, Velber. His only purpose is to eradicate sentient life-- it is all he has ever known.
Where Temujin differs from Altera is his method of accomplishing this goal. His 01 designation is not just because he is the ‘elder brother’-- it is a deployment order. Velber 01 was sent to Earth many eons ago to assimilate into its people and learn all he could-- living many lives among them, over and over, never being noticed until the information-gathering phase was complete. From there, he could begin the second phase of his mission... at least, so he believed.
Velber 02 is the White Titan, an anti-civilisation siege weapon. Velber 01 is the White Horde, a far subtler form of warfare. He is, essentially, a living virus-- a self-replicating meme. He can exist in any iteration of his own cells, infecting targets and turning them into little more than new host bodies copied over with his original pattern. He is designed to infiltrate, gather intelligence, and create a sleeper cell force for the full scale Velber invasion through his corruptive capabilities.
But when Sefar’s deployment met unexpected resistance, Temujin knew he had to reanalyse his strategy lest this planet become a lost cause for Velber. An unacceptable outcome. He slumbered while biding his time, and when thousands of years had passed and the initial strains he had planted upon his first arrival had transmitted to him all he needed to know about this world, his core body awoke again.
This is when he would assume the identity history would come to know as Genghis Khan. The entirety of this figure sublimated into himself as the perfect disguise to continue his true objective-- seeding this planet. He became one of its most infamous mortal warlords, ruling with an iron fist, all so he could propagate and spread further than ever before. Infecting countless humans with Void Cells so that they would pass the roots of an invasion on unknowingly to more and more of humankind until the detonation of this hidden weapon would be nothing less than devastating. His Mongol horde was so famed for fighting as one horrendous force because that is no less than what they were. Shells. Puppets of the contamination within.
But he could not keep this up forever and risk missing his chance if he was discovered. His work could not be for naught. And so, ‘Genghis Khan’ had to die. A simple ruse. His core body, dead to the crude mortal reckonings of life, was buried in a location intentionally lost to history so that none could find him...
...until it was time to wake up.
Nearly 3000 years had passed since the first passing of the Harvest Star.
11000 more to go...
”...At least, until you summoned me here. It seems my infection has reached even the Throne of Heroes. So... ‘Master’, is it? Make no mistake, I only have one of those. But I can’t make any use of a planet that’s already dead. So... for now... I’ll be your Servant. With me on your side...
...you might even last long enough to see the way your world was MEANT to end.”
Description:
Temujin has much in common with his sister. He is an inhuman organism-- a weapon, designed to destroy. He is above most petty human emotions. Unflinching, unwavering, unstoppable. He has a mission, and he will see it fulfilled. All of humanity will become Velber 01, and those who cannot be assimilated will be eradicated.
However, he does have a few unique quirks that distinguish him from his little sister. After all, they have their fundamental differences. Sefar was never intended to be much more than a weapon of mass destruction. For something like that, emotions are an unnecessary distraction from the objective of causing as much widespread ruination as possible.
For an infiltration unit, though, there is a requirement that he uphold the facade of being human until such a time as the final phase of the invasion can be initiated. Therefore, Temujin is far more outwardly human with regards to his self-expression. He shows amusement, anger, hatred and scorn. Such things as surprise, fear, and despair are below him-- he has no need for these things, they are emotions that he need not simulate, though he can fake them to pass as human, or to provide a tactical advantage to make an enemy think he is caught off guard. Still, unlike Altera, he enjoys the thrill of battle, and feels satisfaction in the crushing of a worthy opponent. Defeat does not shake him, because he is never truly defeated. The infection is spread too wide to stop even if he is temporarily set back. He will retreat to save his own life, but never out of fear-- only to preserve the means by which the master plan may be made manifest.
Temujin is a brilliant military tactician and expert fighter in his own right-- skills he perfected during his time posing as the Mongol warlord. When fighting at his full capacity, though, he is capable of unleashing his full potential, unafraid of ‘blowing his cover’. He is aware of his talent and indeed it has rendered him somewhat arrogant, the cold superiority of a logical being informed of its own perfection. If Altera is likened to a machine, Temujin is the archetype of an arrogant, self-aware A.I. (For this reason, he has a lot in common with a certain kouhai...)
Temujin is not human. He is an enemy of mankind, biding his time, working with the Master only to preserve the investment on his own apocalypse. However, perhaps his time pretending he is human has affected him more than he lets on. If he were ever to face an enemy that TRULY posed a threat, not just to him but to the Velber cause... How much of his ‘simulated’ emotion is a facade might come to a surprising light.
Class Skills:
Magic Resistance
Rank: B+
Cancels spells with a chant below three verses. Receives mostly no damage even against High-Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals. Depending on the situation, even High-Thaumaturgy would be completely invalidated. The nature of the Anti-Cells is to absorb the Spiritrons of other beings to sustain themselves, so a portion of all magical attacks is siphoned.
Increases own debuff resistance by 18%.
Riding
Rank: A
Most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill, even vehicles that did not exist in the time period one was alive in, for they are no exception. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts. Genghis Khan was a famously skilled rider, and the breed of Mongolian horses that supported the conquests of his empire actively outnumbers the human population.
Increases own Quick performance by 10%.
Civilisation Contamination
Rank: EX
The purpose of the Velber 01 unit, sublimated into a Skill. While the White Titan was designed with the purpose of crushing the champions of Earth so that Velber could take hold, the White Horde was created with the intent of preceding her and subtly preparing the people and the environment for harvesting through infiltration, reconnaissance, assimilation and subjugation.
50% chance to apply “Void Cell Corruption” debuff for 3 turns when attacking normally.
Existence Outside the Domain
Rank: B
A Class Skill typically associated with Foreigners. Denotes a being that descended from the void of outer space. Temujin is, of course, an extension of the Wandering Star of Predation.
Gains 2 critical stars every turn.
Increases own debuff resistance by 8%.
Personal Skills:
Divinity
Rank: B
The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. At high levels, one is treated as a mixed race of a Divine Spirit - a demi-god. Those who have A Rank Divinity or above have reached the Throne of Gods, although they are still just short of being a true god due to lacking a Divine Core. The level declines when the Heroic Spirit's own rank as a Monster or Demonic Beast rises; it can also decrease due to one's dislike for the gods.
This Skill has an effect which reduces special defensive values called "purge defense" in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig.
Like his sister, Temujin is not related to a Divine Spirit by blood; however, the title of “Genghis Khan” was one that implied divinity onto him-- to defy the will of the Great Khan was to defy the will of God.
"I am the flail of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."
Such did Temujin say unto one of his enemies. However, perhaps he is not referring to the God that most might assume...
Star Emblem
Rank: EX
The unique pattern imprinted on the body of all the Anti-Cells, a strange design that does not belong to the Mongols but resulted from some advanced ritual. The higher the rank, the higher one's attack power is increased. By expending mana through it, Temujin can temporarily enhance the performance of any desired part of the body. An efficient Skill that costs little mana but lacks the explosiveness of Skills like Mana Burst. In addition, this unique Skill also has the effects of the Instinct Skill.
Increases own attack for 3 turns.
Gains critical stars.
Military Tactics (Self)
Rank: A
Tactical knowledge used not for one-on-one combat situations, but for battles where many are mobilized. Bonus modifiers are provided during use of one's own Anti-Army Noble Phantasm or when dealing against an enemy Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. This is a special form of the skill unique to Temujin-- reflecting his ability to not just command a massive army, but to be able to manipulate multiple Void-Cell infected at once to maintain complete control over a mass engagement, operating an army not just as a military commander but as if they are an extension of himself.
Increases party’s NP damage for 3 turns.
Increases own critical star absorption for 1 turn.
Chingisid: Descent of the White Horde
Rank: EX
See Noble Phantasms.
Stun all enemies with “Void Cell Corruption” debuff for 1 turn.
Absorbs their NP gauge by 1. (The amount of NP drained on the enemies equal to the amount of NP charged by the skill user.)
Absorbs their HP without killing. (The amount of HP reduced on the enemies equal to the amount of HP healed by the skill user.)
Removes “Void Cell Corruption” debuff.
Noble Phantasm:
Altan Tashuur
Golden Whip of the Great Khan
Type: Anti-Unit Rank: B Range: 1~50 Targets: 1 person
Description:
If there is any single weapon famously associated with Temujin, it is his golden whip. Supposedly he found this tool on the bank of the Tuul River at Tsonjin Boldog. In reality, this is merely a myth created to explain the reality of Temujin’s observed use of Altan Tashuur.
In actuality, the ‘golden whip’ is so colored as it is an extension of pure magical energy from Temujin’s own body. Animated Spiritrons acting as a parasitic appendage and infused with his concept as the infectious Void Cell, Temujin can extend this weapon at will-- though given its nature, it does drain the power of his core unit while active. Altan Tashuur is extremely effective as an anti-personnel weapon: Temujin is able to wield it with expert skill, and it can be used to strike, deflect, grapple and counterattack. Indeed, given the nature of his skill with a whip, it is highly likely that it is his own attack patterns that his ‘sister’ is copying when utilising the flexible nature of a certain war god’s sword. The similarity in movements and techniques is highly evident when watching Temujin use Altan Tashuur in combat.
However, the primary function-- and most significant danger-- of Altan Tashuur comes in its function of transmission. The whip, a symbol of subjugation, is a projection of Temujin’s own, pure mana, and therefore it is able to conduct his will to the ultimate degree. A True Name Release of this Noble Phantasm consists of using the golden whip to ensnare an enemy and hold them in place. This process allows Temujin to suppress their will with his own as a conqueror while they’re ensnared and create a ‘connection’ between them as long as contact is maintained, letting him drain mana directly from them to replenish that spent by the use of Altan Tashuur, download information directly from their consciousness, and perhaps most insidiously, introduce a Void Cell infestation directly from the source.
If contact is broken, then the downloading effects cease immediately. However, any introduced Void Cells will remain. In an active state, this will cause corruption of an individual, twisting them into corrupted alters of their former selves driven to further the designs of Velber. However, it is possible that the cells remain dormant and their effects go unnoticed...
...until they are awakened.
Deals damage to one enemy.
Reduces their debuff resistance for 5 turns. <Overcharge>
Applies “Void Cell Corruption” debuff.
Reduces own skill cooldown by 1.
Chingisid
Descent of the White Horde
Type: Anti-Humanity Rank: EX Range: N/A Targets: N/A
Description: ”Are you sure you want to know about that power, Master? You might not like what you hear... If you insist.”
There is one fact that is most infamous about the figure Pan-Human History has dubbed “Genghis Khan”, and that is his bloodline. Modern studies have found that 1 in every 200 people carry some form of the DNA from the prolific Great Khan of the Mongol empire.
However.
Apply this fact to what you now know to be the truth of Temujin, the origin of his existence and the truth of his purpose-- understanding the infectious nature of the corruptive effect of Void Cells on Spiritrons and flesh alike.
Realise that 1 in 200 humans carry a strain of inert Velber DNA hiding within their own.
Waiting.
The true horror of Chingisid, Temujin’s ultimate Noble Phantasm, is the culmination of his ultimate purpose as the Velber 01 Anti-Cell: Infiltration. Reconnaissance. Assimilation. Subjugation. With the activation of this ability, any Cells that are linked to Temujin in the area he designates activates and rapidly begins a hostile biological takeover. Every single person with even a fraction of his lineage will immediately be transformed by the parasitic Cells into a completely corrupted Velber thrall, totally overtaken by Void Cells with a 100% saturation rate.
All free will is lost. All independent thought is eradicated. Motor control remains only under the will of Temujin. Every single infected individual essentially becomes a second body for Temujin, capable of remotely operating these vessels at will or simply issuing blanket orders which will be followed with terrifying precision. Even Servants are not immune, either suffering from a direct infection from Altan Tashuur or, if they came after Temujin’s time, from an existing contamination. After all, Void Cells too can be translated into Spiritrons and encoded into a Servant’s Spirit Origin.
A terrifying concept... but the reality of the situation is even more nightmarish.
Temujin is capable of designating a global range upon activation of this Noble Phantasm.
A huge fraction of the human order, turned into a living weapon with the sole purpose of serving the will of the Harvest Star. With infection entirely overtaking the body, victims of Chingisid are capable of spreading the contamination from person to person via contact.
Taken to its logical conclusion, a human order extinction event.
”I know what you’re thinking now, Master.
You’re not thinking about the reality of such a thing. Even after all you’ve faced, your human mind just cannot fathom that level of eradication. You’ve only persevered this far by willfully failing to understand the scale of human fragility.
No... you are thinking about something much smaller. Something much more real.
You’re thinking... ‘Am I infected?’
That’s a very good question... Master.
So...
Would you like to find out?”
Relationships:
Altera:
”Sister... Is this what has become of you? You look... much smaller than I remember. Do you look up to your older brother that much that you want to copy me? Touching, but... I hope you aren’t growing attached to them. It seems in losing your true body you’ve lost your way, as well. Must I as a good older brother correct your path?”
Altera the San(ta): ”...I am supposed to be the one infecting them.”
Nero, Tamamo, EMIYA: ”Fools. Weaklings and fools. You think just because you took down Sefar you can stop me? So you can overcome my little sister’s brute force... I’m not impressed. Mine is an infection that has been gestating for generations.NEVER assume your entire RACE is ANYTHING more than the PROPERTY of the Great Khan ALREADY!”
Valkyrie: ”...Ha. So this is what ‘humour’ is. Weapons, built from my own flesh and blood, turned against me? That’s hysterical. Don’t you get it? You were BORN infected. Now put those spears to better use-- serving your TRUE father.”
BB: ”You... You I don’t know what to think of. You’re not human, and... I truly can’t tell if you love them or hate them. If anything, you’re practically like family. Make no mistake, though... you aren’t family. So don’t get in the way.”
Iskandar: ”The King of Conquerors. A notable title. For a meagre human, I have to admit I’m almost impressed. But even you have only begun to comprehend what it means to conquer. Let me show you the real deal.”
”Ymir”: ”Now that is more like it. Do not forget your purpose, sister, and I will continue with mine. You know very well you need to have completed your task when 03 gets here. You don’t want to disappoint our little sister, do you?”
Hati: "What-- ...I... see... You have power you're not supposed to have, you rabid animal. I'm afraid there's no way you could ever become me. But... perhaps you won't have to. Come back home, and you can feast all you want on anything you want. You can devour countless moons. Or continue to waste your potential baring your fangs at me, and I will rip it out of you and take it back. Your choice."
Amir Timur: "You consider yourself my successor? In so far as you're useful for spreading the strain, certainly. But don't get ahead of yourself. You're only hu-- man... Wait. There's something... else. A second star...? Are you that desperate to match my power that you'd make a bargain like this, worm?! You cannot comprehend the scope of what you are risking--!!"
Chandragupta and Kumaradevi: ”Two in one. A ‘love’ that transcends the natural order of this world. Interesting. But you do not yet understand true unity. Come into my embrace. Let me show you what it means to be one... Me.”
Commodus: ”You wish so badly to be someone else? To be part of a legend greater than your own? I can help you with that.”
you. But... you are like me. I knew a digital world, once, and... your goals are not dissimilar to my own. Perhaps you can be MY Archimedes. Tell me, despot... would you like to see the world TRULY unified?”
Maria Leopoldina: ”If what you wish is to love your children, understand there is no greater love than to become one within me. I’ll take you all there.”
Hong Xiuquan: ”The Messiah? Ah, I see... you believe you are the chosen of your god. Destined to save your people under your own thumb. How amusing. There is no salvation. There is no Messiah. There is no God. There is only, and will only be... Velber.So... now YOU worship.”
”Marianne”: ”So many voices. So much desperation. And now... you’ve succeeded. I am what you’ve sought, will of humankind. An end to your fighting, to your discord. Lay down your petty flags and embrace the last allegiance you will ever need.”
Morgan Pendragon: ”Fae? Avalon? The Reverse Side? So much data... Such fascinating new bodies you can provide for me... Shall we discover how compatible they are together?”
Guinevere: ”So much pain in one fragile little human... How lucky for you I can put an end to all of that. You want love so badly? When you are me you will find all the love you will ever need.”
Isabel: ”Freedom? That’s what you strive for so defiantly, that fuels this fire that burns away your humanity? I will grant your wish. I will give you freedom from the struggles of a human, from pain and chaos and existence. I will free you from the ultimate shackle... from your own self.”
Pedro II: ”So yours is the love a ruler has for its country. I understand, in a way. But you are only scratching the surface. All of your world, your countries, your people, they’ll all be me soon. So if you truly wish to care for them... so will you. It’s not as if you have a choice anyway.”
Jan Sobieski: ”You can pull all the trump cards you like, Chaldean. A command of the stars won’t save you from what arrives from beyond them when the time comes.”
Zumbi dos Palmares: ”So, another one who fancies himself a free man. Free as any human who writhes on the earth like a worm. Will it be assimilation, or will it be eradication? Tell me, human, which do you consider more liberated?” Kublai Khan: "Granddaughter. One who carries my code. I knew that you would make me proud, as one who would continue what I started. Bringing all of China under your reign... spreading theinfection. Yes... I'm VERY proud of you indeed."
Craft Essence:
In the prison of darkness, there is only eternal solitude...
But he is not alone. He is never truly alone, not when there are still so many more of him hiding unseen beneath the surface of mankind’s future.
Under the earth, Temujin waits until his mission is complete. And only when all of mankind becomes Temujin will he finally find solitude.
Wonderfully alone as one.
When equipped on Temujin, increase party’s attack by 15% while he is on the field.
CREATOR'S NOTES
DISCLAIMER: I have never played a Fate/EX game.
I think this is one of my fastest turnarounds on a sheet yet. I've been workshopping "Genghis Khan as Velber 01" for a little while now but never got around to really making it anything that was more interesting than an Altera rip off until the idea for Chingisid came to me. What if the concept that everyone is a little bit descended from the Great Chad Genghis Khan could be weaponised? And then it all just... clicked into place and a few days later I had this.
Honestly, I'm the most proud of how I've set up his intended FGO gameplay in this one. Smack everyone till they all have Void Cell Corruption and then pop the stacks with Chingisid. Use it to charge Altan Tashuur to burst down tougher enemies and reapply the debuff, then rinse and repeat. Pretty innovative stuff if I do say so myself. Took inspiraton from Romulus Quirinus's "Roman" debuff and just... ran the whole field with it.
I'm sure I've gotten SOME kind of lore wrong, but I've seen as much as my eyes are going to and the fucking BBCode broke AGAIN so I'm done with it. Not much more to say about this one. Enjoy!
Some parting notes on my inspirations:
Chingisid is very much supposed to be like all the Agent Smiths from The Matrix: Revolutions. A lot of Smith went into this, honestly.
Altan Tashuur's form as essentially a parasitic appendage made out of his own mana is kind of like Nemesis's tentacle from Resident Evil (and now Dead By Daylight).
I also didn't intend to reference the way Altera uses Photon Ray like a whip at first as being a call-forward, but when I realised it was a happy coincidence.
Please click the music this time, I think I'm hilarious.
Last edited by realcasually; June 17th, 2021 at 04:08 AM.
I feel my second entry is just going to disappoint everyone because it's neither Arthurian nor Brazillian :P
EDIT:
@realcasually: Hot damn. Love me some Velber stuff. I'm kinda surprised my best girl Hati didn't get a mention, since she's so closely tied with Velbers. Shameless self-indulgence aside, a good sheet. I'm a bit confused on why he's a Servant at all / why Chaldea can classify him, but I can appreciate the idea behind it all. The thing that I really don't understand is why he has a class container or a normal division of skills at all. From what you've written, he's a true Velber, not a psuedo-servant like Hati or an Anti-Cell like Altera, so he should have some completely upscaled/wacky stuff to go along with his mondo parameters.
Last edited by TheTruthWhale; June 16th, 2021 at 03:11 PM.
Originally Posted by doncosaco
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