I had to wait until Love and Thunder came out for good pictures, but the moment I saw him, I knew Gorr-Bale was the perfect faceclaim. weak
Weakweakweakweak
WEAK!
You were always weak! Your people barely acknowledged you! Your enemies ignored you! Even your own body rejected you!
You are a worthless excuse of a ruler! Everything you even tried to do has been wiped away by time! If more competent, more Divine beings had not come after, you would have tarnished your very station, you insignificant worm!
But you have another chance. You made yourself a promise. A vow carved into your very tomb. A burning desire that you finally have the opportunity to fulfill.
Do you wish to be more? Wish to cast off your pathetic weakness and ineptitude? Do you wish to ascend?
Then drive a single thought, a single answer through your soul! Carve it into your very being! A singular answer that will guide you to what you desire! All gods must be consumed!
The Slayer of Gods Source
Class: Berserker
Other Classes: Foreigner?
True Name: Unas
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Place of Origin: Egypt
Height: 183 cm.
Weight: 58 kilo.
Likes: Eating his fill.
Dislikes: Other Pharaohs. His pathetic body.
Natural Enemy: Ozymandias
Parameters:
STR: B
END: B
AGI: D
MGI: B
LCK: A
NP: A
Class Skills:
Mad Enhancement (C): He comes indeed, this Unas, weary of the Nine, an Imperishable spirit, he that bore more than you, he that suffered more than you, he that is more weary than you, he that became greater than you, he who will be happier than you, he who roars louder than you. You have no more time there!
A rage not born of hatred, but a desire to ascend reaching beyond even death. Communication is pointless and ill advised.
Divinity (D-EX) Re-Atum! Your son comes to you. Unas comes to you. Let him ascend to you! Enfold him in your embrace! This is the son of your body, eternally.
During his life, a paradigm shift of power was occurring, Osiris taking Ra’s place as head of the pantheon. As this changed, so to do people’s opinions on the pharaoh’s role and connection to the gods. Add in his frail form, and Berserker was regarded as having little connection to the gods.
Personal Skills:
Divine Cannibal (A): Unas is the Bull of Heaven who rages in his heart, who lives on the being of every god, who eats their entrails when they come, their bodies full of magic, from the Isle of Flame...
So great is his desire to ascend to divinity that he has decided to quite literally eat his way to power. While eating those with Divinity greatly increases his own, Berserker has no qualms about eating other powerful being, though he gains a diminished increase doing so.
God Slayer (C): The heart of Unas be glad, the heart of Unas be sweet. Unas is the Unique One, the Bull of Heaven. He has exterminated those who did this against him, he has annihilated their offspring upon earth.
Though having killed none in his life, Berserker’s entire journey in the afterlife is characterized by killing and devouring the Egyptian gods to become the highest being. If he had actually slain any deities in life, he would have a high rank. Sadly, it is only average.
Weak Constitution (A-E): Your body is the body of this Unas, your flesh is the flesh of this Unas, your bones are the bones of this Unas. You go, this Unas goes. This Unas goes, you go!
Unavoidable even in death, Berserker’s body is frail with little stamina. While he can deliver great blows, he can overexert himself and take little damage in turn. With every soul consumed and rank in Divinity gained, this Skill will rank down, the effects eventually becoming negligible, but never fully disappearing.
Noble Phantasms
Shezmu’s Knife: Horns of the Bull of Heaven (A)
Anti-Unit/Army Indeed, Shesmu cuts them up for Unas and cooks for him a meal out of them in his evening cook pots. Unas is he who eats their magic, who swallows their spirits.
Inspire fear before Unas as fear before you, inspire dread before Unas as dread before you, inspire awe before Unas as awe before you, inspire love before Unas as love before you! Let him rule at the head of the living, at the head of the spirits, let his knife be firm against his enemies!
Shezmu, the god of celebration, ointments, wine, and blood, heard Berserker’s cries for bloodshed and answered. He has bestowed upon Berserker his own weapon to fulfill his desire, though why he would is unknown.
This black blade isn’t a simple weapon that can hurt gods or divinity. It is a weapon of blood and sacrifice. The sword draws forth all blood spilt by its edge into itself, consuming and growing in strength with every drop. While divine blood empowers it more, all blood adds to its reservoir, allowing it to grow and shift into new forms. However, used blood loses its power, requiring fresh blood to replace it.
Lore
Unas was not a “great and powerful pharaoh”. He is one that is hardly remembered, and one whom’s existence was debated for years due to how little a footnote he made. The only reason he is known is three king lists penned during the times of later kings and his own pyramid. Even the length of his rule is a debated topic.
What is known is that his reign was during a tumultuous time. Economic decline, domestic unrest, religious revolution. Unas was born in a time where being the one in charge was the worst thing to be. He had no male heirs, his family is unknown save for his children, and he died having done nothing worth a mention in history.
Except one.
Before he died, he had something done in his pyramid. He had his people write out the first pyramid texts detailing his path to the afterlife, starting a tradition that continued for the next three dynasties.
However, his differed from them in one grave detail. The Cannibal Hymn. While the texts speak of ascending to godhood, Unas decided that simple ascending wasn’t enough. He wished to dominate them, to consume them and take their divine power and status. Unas did not want to become a god. He wanted to become every god. Such unbridled ambition from such a forgotten man.
But Unas was buried, and the gods did not disappear. He did not replace them, nor consume them. His cries and desire were seemingly unheard, and he passed from one life to the next.
Would it ever be possible for him to fulfill his desire?
Personality
Unas is a weapon to be directed and little else. He has no interest outside his single-minded goal of consuming enough powerful beings to become a god. He's a furious wild animal that would hardly be able to use his own weapon effectively if he didn't have a strangely instinctual understanding of it. All he cares about is sundering his opponents and devouring what remains.
Were he to be interacted with in a saner frame of mind, they'd find him to be entirely self-loathing, lamenting and furious at his life and perceived ineptitude. His ambitions, his desire and anger, are all centered around his own self-hatred, bearing no true animosity towards the gods or others. Every iota of rage is self-inflicted, and his want to ascend is the only way he accepts to cast off his deplorable body.
Relationships
Ozymandias:He's everything he wanted to be. He cannot wait to eat him.
Nitocris:It sends him into greater rage, the small sane part of his mind incensed that by her having more with a shorter period of ruling.
When I first discovered Unas, I was like "This guy is hardcore". The more I read about him, that became "Oh, buddy. It's okay. You go and eat those gods". The frail body isn't historical, but it just came to mind as I wrote him. I just started to see him as a guy trapped in bad circumstances who wanted to do something great, in the afterlife at the very least. Declaring you're gonna eat the gods is a hard thing to top.
Oh, and anyone wondering about all the vagueness around him, I thought it was appropriate considering our historical records of him. It feels better to infer things people can think about than just explain it in his case. I have answers to questions in the sheet I'll never give.
[Solas Composer-Bearer of The Black Blade, All Demigods Fear Thee]
Last edited by Morg van Destro; May 25th, 2023 at 01:15 AM.
Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me. Fate/Without Justice
I swear, you blink once in this thread and there's a billion more sheets to add to the Relationship section!
Originally Posted by DracoScribe
Wait what? How'd thqt happen? I am now intrigued...
Marty McDie over here is a member of a Magus clan that's very much inspired by the spat between these two men. Marty is the edgy one of the two siblings, but now you've posted Othniel for real, it'd be wrong if I didn't post Ellery at some point soon.
"If I were to see among the race of women another woman like this,
I should say that the race of women was far superior to that of men."
I am Sorghaghtani, Khatun-Empress of the Mongols, and instrument of the Heavenly Father's will.
You dare command me? Then show me you are up to the task.
Class: Binder Alternate Classes: Assassin, Caster True Name: Sorghaghtani Gender: Female Height and Weight: 162 cm / 43 kg
Source: Historical fact Region: Eastern, Central, Western Asia Alignment: Lawful Good Attribute: Man
Parameters Strength: C Constitution: D Agility: B Magical Energy: B+ Luck: E Noble Phantasm: A
You ask about my clothes?
--You forget your place, contractor, but as I am in a conversant mood, I shall humor your impertinence.
This was originally a Han gown Khubilai brought back from one of his expeditions.
I took a liking to its design, and so altered it to further fit my tastes.
It suits me well, does it not?
Overview
Background Sorghaghtani Beki, honored posthumously as Empress Xianyì Zhuāngshèng (顯懿莊聖皇后, Empress of Prominent Virtue and Solemn Holiness), was a Keraite princess and daughter-in-law of Genghis Khan. Married to Tolui, Genghis Khan's youngest son, Sorghaghtani became one of the most powerful and competent people in the Mongol Empire. As an advisor to the khans and as governor of her own appanages, she made policy decisions at a pivotal moment that led to the transition of the Mongol Empire towards a more cosmopolitan and sophisticated style of administration. She raised her sons to be leaders, and maneuvered the Borjigin family politics so that all four of her sons-- Möngke Khan, Hulagu Khan, Ariq Böke, and Kublai Khan-- went on to inherit the legacy of their grandfather.
Character Likes: Her family, medal rallies Dislikes: Family reunions Talent: Home economics (embroidery in particular), eidetic memory
Introverted and active. A stern, hard-working woman who nevertheless possesses an uncharacteristic broad-mindedness. She knows how to ask for aid when necessary, but her pride will not tolerate any unsolicited assistance. As an essentialist who emphasizes breadth of knowledge over depth, Sorghaghtani is naturally attracted to things she finds unfamiliar.
Originally Sorghaghtani possessed a quieter, more peaceable disposition, but she was forced to grow up quickly upon entering the Mongol imperial household. This maturation was further hastened by the fact that all four of her sons showed signs of great potential from early in their youth; even with her own talents, it took a considerable amount of effort for Sorghaghtani to arrive at a state of personal affairs where she could provide her sons the opportunities to showcase their genius.
Relationships Master
Sorghaghtani approaches the Master-Servant relationship as a mere contract. She holds learning in great esteem, so Masters who consider themselves as "having nothing left to learn" will earn nought but her scorn. Conversely, those who consider themselves neophytes in their field regardless of their actual standing will be able to establish a harmonious working relationship with her.
Incidentally, Sorghaghtani likes naming things she is unfamiliar with after people who are important to her, so being on the receiving end of this courtesy is an excellent barometer of her respect. Also, she will hate you if you force her to work on Sundays.
Sorghaghtani's wish for the Holy Grail is "to mend the bond between my sons". Although she had accomplished the great feat of securing for them the imperial throne of the Mongols, she had not anticipated their wildly different characters to so severely unravel the inheritance she pieced together for them. Even during the darkest moments of this summoning, "failing to break the Borjigin's legacy of brother killings" is the mistake she will dwell on the most.
Penthesilea "Anger at the dishonor shown to oneself... Coming from one who has already passed on, it is not displeasing to my eyes. But if it were from who yet lives, I would certainly give my all to staunch it. If only I could have done as much and more for my Möngke..."
Hassan of Serenity "So this is the so-called 'Old Man of the Mountain' Hulagu was so obsessed with. I was expecting him-- her, rather-- to be, well, a man. But no matter; if this 'Hassan' is as excellent in her craft as Hulagu says, then her sex is irrelevant. Contractor, by your estimation, how much would it cost to hire her?"
Yang Guifei "A woman possessing beauty enough to bring a realm to its knees... I did not think the Han would resort to such feeble excuses. If a man is led astray by a woman's charms, the fault lies with his mother, for not being a model of the mysteries proper to her sex. If Khubilai had abandoned his destiny for some common harlot, I would have taken my own life without question."
Mordred "That free-spirited rebelliousness... Ah, it takes me back. I remember when Ariq Böke was around this youth's age, and he was just as much of a rascal as this one, if not more, fufu!"
Super Orion "A fresh face matched with a powerful body, leaving behind the impression of a romantic even as he stalks toward his prey... Haah, it is as if my lord Tolui has come again to console me. It seems that the gods of the Yunaye possess not only great power, but exquisite taste as well."
Class Skills Independent Action: A
Ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master. It is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for about a week without a Master; however, to use Noble Phantasms of great magical energy consumption, backup from the Master is necessary.
The noblewomen of the Great Mongol State enjoyed great prestige as administrators of the lands conquered by their fathers, brothers, and husbands. A number of them-- Sorghaghtani included-- even wielded enough power to influence the selection of the empire's Great Khans.
Binding and Fettering: C
The skill to establish a network of connections with oneself as a focal point. Attacks from Servants of the Binder class create tethers that drain Magical Energy and lower Parameters from the opponent. The bonuses obtained from these attacks are then shared with allies.
In Sorghaghtani's case, her "chains" are silk threads that manifest the concept of "soft power": information, patronage, wealth, among others. One might expect a high rank in this Skill from the woman who used such threads to stitch together the disparate conquests of the Mongol hordes, but her fiercely independent nature keeps the Skill at a mediocre rank.
Personal Skills Presbyter's Privilege: A
Ability that allows the bearer to obtain Skills that are essentially impossible to possess solely due to their own insistence. For Sorghaghtani, some of the relevant Skills are Charisma, Riding, Tactics, and statesmanship, but she primarily uses it to bolster her combat abilities in order to fight on the front lines. Additionally, Sorghaghtani will enjoy fame bonuses even in the Western cultural sphere due to presenting herself to dignitaries as "a daughter of Prester John".
Incidentally, Sorghaghtani's pride in the fruits of her own labor means that the chances of one being executed drastically increases if this Skill is referred to as a variant of a certain other skill, so statements directly connecting the two have been prudently omitted.
Ceremonial Reformation: A
A Skill which improves the functionality of the peoples and lands under the user's control.
Sorghaghtani Beki, as the supreme minister of the Mongol conquests, lavishly promoted the exchange of wealth and of wisdom in the empire both internally and externally, and wove bonds of undying loyalty between her peoples by respecting their individual traditions and vastly improving their quality of life.
Hero Creation: EX
A Skill that represents the techniques and arts to artificially give birth to and raise a "King". The bedrock and the crowning jewel of the nascent Mongol state is its ideal ruler-- the true Khan. As the one who inherited the position of determining the identity of such, Sorghaghtani greatly exceeds the normal qualifications of this Skill, both by virtue of having physically given birth to four aspirants to the imperial throne, and of the elevated nature of the title "Khan of Khans".
The Supreme Code wielded by Khatun-Empress Sorghaghtani of the Great Mongol State; the bronze needle that sewed together the three Orients. A glaive Noble Phantasm whose basis is the concept of the serge, a hitching post sacred to the peoples of the steppe. Over time, its meaning as "a place where people gather to edify and be edified" established a connection with the concept of "a temple", and its meaning as "a place where different worlds are tethered" formed a bond with the concept of "a mountain". As such, it became the perfect linchpin for the multitude of sorceries practiced within the Great Mongol State, thenceforth centered on the Mongolian "temples", the ovoos, and on their "holy mountain", Burkhan Khaldun.
This Noble Phantasm displays its true worth not as a weapon, but as a grimoire. Those who wield it instantly gain knowledge of the spells Sorghaghtani remodeled to fit the theurgic foundations of the Mongols' thaumaturgical system. This includes the shamanistic practices of the Central Asian steppe as a matter of course, but even the Sacraments of the Assyrian Church of the East and simulacra of Chinese Philosophy Magecraft can be displayed with proficiency. Additionally, Sorghaghtani is able to immediately grasp and utilize all spells known by those considered as "allies" by the Binding and Fettering Skill, and can weave these spells into the the tapestry that is this Noble Phantasm for future, personal use as well.
Incidentally, due to the staggering number of ethnicities the Mongols were able to unite under their banner, this Noble Phantasm has been known under many names. For example, those of the Near East know it as Emud d'Tsehyun, while the Han people of the Far East named it Tàishān Bēi.
Author's Notes
tl;dr Kublai's mom has got it going on
I did research on Sorghaghtani for a non-Fate-related project, and thought she'd be a good fit for the challenge, especially since my current approach to the prompt is "real people who desperately need the wank". I was trying to make her into a sort of Semiramis-style Assassin, but I felt that angle didn't resonate at all with Qu's character, so I jumped into the Binder pond. Del, if you're reading this, please overlook this grave transgression.
The concept came together rather easily, but the most unexpectedly difficult part of this profile was sourcing Sorghaghtani's gratuitous Aramaic (as read in her line to Orion and the Noble Phantasm). This is a nod to her communion with the Assyrian-rite Christianity; in her son Hulagu's letter to Louis IX, it was noted that a lot of the Christian terminology was derived from Syriac (itself derived from Aramaic) rather than Arabic, so I merely took that concept and ran away with it. Of course, the personality section was difficult, but that's about to be expected.
If Sorghaghtani were to be summoned in classes where her aspect as administrator is downplayed in favor of her as "mother of four emperors", her loadout would shuffle around a bit, with her losing Hero Creation and her current NP and gaining the following:
Technique Harmonization: A
The Skill to re-interpret and remodel more or less anything that can be called a formula. An esoterica among esotericae even in an age when magecraft still existed, but completely useless in combat.
In addition to advancing loyalty to the Great Mongol State above all else, Sorghaghtani also excelled as a magus, uniting the multitude of sorceries practiced within the empire under the concept of the Mongol temples, the ovoos, and their holy mountain, Burkhan Khaldun.
Rank: B
Type: Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm
Range: 1
Maximum targets: 1 person
Sorghaghtani Beki's fame as "the mother of four emperors", amalgamated with the anecdotes of her taking the life of her sons' rival Guyuk Khan with poison. This Heavenly Mare's Milk was brewed over a long period of time as an offering to the gods. Its poisonous contents can intoxicate even monsters and demonic beasts, but it displays its greatest ability in destroying "that which is unnecessary for becoming Khan" in whoever imbibes it. Put bluntly, it's the Hero Creation Skill, distilled as a cocktail.
Overall I'd say this profile could use more sewing metaphors, but oh well. My next entry-- if I can make it on time-- will have significantly more of the signature Nuclear self-indulgence, so please wait warmly for it. Or don't.
Anyway. Ciao.
Last edited by Nuclear; October 21st, 2022 at 01:29 AM.
I swear, you blink once in this thread and there's a billion more sheets to add to the Relationship section!
Marty McDie over here is a member of a Magus clan that's very much inspired by the spat between these two men. Marty is the edgy one of the two siblings, but now you've posted Othniel for real, it'd be wrong if I didn't post Ellery at some point soon.
By the way what is Heinrich Schliemann laughing in greek in his quote with saint-germaine? I'm curious.
Rookie Lorekeeper, Amateur Extraordinaire, and all around nasunoob.
It's roughly "wrath sings of ruined Achilles, son of Peleus". It's from the Iliad - the opening lines, actually - but I suspect you don't need much explanation on why exactly Schliemann starts howling this specifically when looking at Saint-Germaine.
Yoshitsugu Otani:flashbacks to persona 3 and akinari intensify Okay more seriously...psuedo-vampire rider power of friendship! Okay that doesn't sound serious but that pretty much sums up my thoughts on the nice boy. The kind of person I totally would want to meet irl. The NPs are cool yet I wanna give him a hug for how he's being affected by his second NP...poor boy... Yeah even if I might get infected.
I actually forgotten who Akinari was when I read your comment, thinking you meant Akihiko or a ship involving him for a sec. It was only then I remembered the Sun S. Link from P3, and now I feel bad for having forgotten him.
Thing I should add about Yoshitsugu is that I wrote and submitted before learning that Mitsunari was actually in FGO (very recently added though)
With Persona being brought up though, it reminds me that Gunner here isn't the first time I've actually written a character inspired by school shooters, one of my characters in Persona: The Beautiful was too (won't say who though 'cause of spoilers). Granted, that character was a little more... subtle than Gunner
im reading stuff out of order rn. So dont think i skipped entries.
Hearst is fucking great. 'nuff said.
And my first reaction upon seeing the faceclaim of Nuclear is "Motherffffff- oh its from Nuclear. Oh its a Binder. Dammit"
I just recently put the chick into my faceclaim folder because she is fricking hot. Hoped to use her myself. But i wish i couldve been mad.
The first Binder sheet not from me! Exciting! Her personality is strong, as expected from a Nuclear sheet. That alone sold me. Using the topic of broidery and stitching together realms fits nicely what I had in mind for Binder. The faceclaim and her weapon, combined with these pillars from her NP give a strong Lancer vibe. So yeah, more flavor text and imagery to supersede the actual visual of the faceclaim with the vision you have of her fighting with cloths would have helped.
Hey random, do you have a second entry in the works?
Why don't you simply try to write your own instead of trying this stupid parasitic shit again and again until there's no more creators you like left on the forum?
The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona) (SB, FFN, AO3)
"Curtain call already? Well in that case, let's begin the recital post-haste." unknown (2) (1).png
Class: Saber Alternative Classes: Caster, Ruler True Name: Chevalier de Saint-Georges Gender: Male Height & Weight: 181 cm/79 kg Source: Historical Region: Eastern Europe (France) Alignment: Neutral Good Attribute: Man
Parameters: Strength: A Endurance: B Agility: A Mana: C Luck: B Noble Phantasm: C
Class Skills Magic Resistance: Rank C - The ability to negate magical interference targeted at a Servant. In contrast to what the name implies, the skill outright cancels any magecraft that does not exceed this skill in rank instead of merely resisting it. While Magecraft was certainly still active during his era, his lack of anecdotes of encountering it leaves the rank of this skill as merely average. Spells with less than two verses will fall on deaf ears, though he can’t defend against Greater Rituals or High-Thaumaturgy.
Riding: Rank B - The talent to command various kinds of mounts, from great beasts of burden to advanced vehicles of the modern age. With his current rank he can comfortably ride just about any animal or vehicle he comes into contact with, even if it wasn’t in his era or otherwise accessible to the region. The only thing he’ll struggle to command is Phantasmal Beasts, who tragically don’t have much of an appreciation for good melodies.
Personal Skills Calm and Collected: Rank B - Indicative of a honed mind that never falls out of step with its own internal rhythm. At all times, Georges is the sole conductor of his mental state, possessing a resolve and stability of character that can’t be easily disrupted. This skill represents his great resistance against mental effects, most especially against confusion and frustration. Staring down an advancing army of enemy soldiers is no more stressful than overlooking a crowded concert hall. Though in the latter case, the presence of a particularly pretty face might cause some slight nervousness…
Mind's Eye (True): Rank B - Representing the keenness of one’s observational ability and the accumulation of their battle experience. It's most simply categorized as a danger avoidance skill, where one utilizes the entirety of their prior combat experience and intelligence to predict the opposition’s next move and respond accordingly. A dueling prodigy since his early years, Georges can quickly come to understand any opponent’s fighting style just by observing their movements, but make no mistake; this ability is not a natural born feat, but a product of relentless training. No matter what instruments he faces on the battlefield, if even the tiniest chance exists, he’ll quickly seize control of the entire concerto.
Knight's Strategy: Rank B - When a knight manages to combine the skill, speed, and most importantly, cunning and creativity needed to gain full control of the tempo of a battle, this skill emerges. It describes a particular brand of combat philosophy and methodology, in which the user completely grasps the flow of an engagement and maximizes the chance for the opponent to make a mistake, even when facing physically stronger opposition. Through careful manipulation of both his and his opponent’s attack timing, a failure check is invited against his foe.
Noble Phantasms
Begin, In B Minor
Chante, ô Conducteur d'Acier Opus 14 Rank: C
Type: Anti-Unit
Range: 1-20
Max Targets: 1 person To sit still would’ve resulted in death - that’s the simple reality that stood before one ‘Joseph Bologne’. Born into a system that decreed he was worthless, stupid and beyond help from the moment he was born, a young man was faced with a choice at an impossibly early point in his life. Accept his supposed inferiority, or spend his entire life screaming out in defiance. That this Noble Phantasm exists should tell you of the magnitude of the sound he produced.
For Chevalier de Saint-Georges, neither of his greatest passions in life - fencing and music - came naturally to him. He was not born a genius, even he could see that at an early age. What he did have however, was a ‘need’ to succeed. It wasn’t that he simply didn’t want to lose, but that being anything less than his best wasn’t an option. It’s because these two great passions were fueled by the same fire that, unique to Georges alone, he developed these skills in unison. The later in life he went, the less and less he felt any need to draw any kind of dividing line between his fencing duels and his musical performances. At the end of the day, both were simply an exercise in him asserting his own existence.
Thus, the ‘shape’ of this Noble Phantasm is revealed - the 14 concertos he produced in life, translated and expressed as devastating fencing techniques. The Chevalier was equally famous as he was infamous for continuing to play music even as he threw himself into warzones. When no concert hall was available, the battlefield became the hall, as the ‘singing’ of his blade brought equal parts harmony and discord to friend and foe respectively.
As a prerequisite for all of the following techniques, it is first necessary for Georges to vibrate his sword, so rapidly that even to Servants, the blade becomes a blur, dancing as if it were alive. The distinctive ‘hum’ the blade enhances his striking power and produces a unique melody depending on the technique employed. Helpfully, none of the following techniques require the release of a True Name. They are better understood as ‘modifiers’ to his flourishes, several of which are easily combined for devastating assaults, and only prolonged use of this style will significantly cut into his stamina reserves.
Opus I: Rumbling Rubato - A pressure technique designed to punish overly defensive opponents, while this flourish is active, the intensive vibrations allow the foil to effectively slash as well as thrust. But more importantly, when it's directly blocked or parried, the vibrations rapidly travel through the opponent’s weapon and into their body, causing the recipient to still take the force of the attack as internal damage.
Opus II & III: Rippling Rubato - A technique that combines the powerful oscillations George can produce and the naturally flexible nature of his blade. With careful control of the intensity and his angle of thrust, Georges’ blade is capable of bending at absurd angles without losing any of its piercing power. The tip of the blade can easily curve and pivot around an opponent’s guard to strike a vital, before quickly settling back into its proper shape.
Opus III~V: Howling Fortissimo - A long range technique that utilizes the open air between himself and his target as a medium. By utilizing a powerful thrust, the intense vibrations of his sword are transferred to the air, becoming a sonic bullet capable of hitting foes with immense force. Actually, ‘bullet’ is somewhat misleading, as the force of these blasts are intense enough to flatten an entire tree and send cars flying.
Opus VI & VII: Shattering Sempre - The transference of the reverberations he creates into another object. Any object that connects with his blade will begin to vibrate at the same rate and frequency as Georges’ sword. Naturally, as most things will be unable to withstand that force, they’ll shortly deonate as close range sonic bombs. However, even when used against enemy Servants, blocking a stray hit from George may result in a powerful tremor enveloping their entire body, even if they attempt to create space.
Opus VIII & IX: Gale Glissando - A mid-range technique that involves no small amount of trickery; in many ways, the sister technique to ‘Howling Fortissimo’. The general principle of utilizing the open air as an attack medium remains, but the execution requires much more precision. Vibrations from his sword are suddenly released into the air, rending it apart and creating powerful vacuums. When these vacuums close back up, they create powerful cutting forces that ravage the target, allowing George to ‘slash’ a person at a distance. The deviousness of this technique is that the only visible tell that it's coming is that his sword will suddenly ‘stop’ vibrating.
Opus X~XII: Turbulent Tremolo - A defensive technique to be brought out in dire situations. By thrusting upwards and bringing the quivering of his sword to a violent stop, a powerful burst of air is released all around him. It has poor stopping power for physical bodies, as its real purpose is to destroy lesser projectiles, and deflect more potent ones. Due to the positioning required however, he’ll only utilize this if he’s at risk of being turned into a pin-cushion.
Opus XIII: Counter Caesura - The strongest defensive technique allotted to Saint Georges, one that allows him to stand his ground against any opponent, no matter how strong. Utilizing hypersonic vibrations all throughout his blade, he significantly amplifies the total force embedded into his blade. But this isn’t a technique to increase his own striking power, but for deadening the power of his opponents. The vibrations of his sword transform into immense force when suddenly stopped by an opponent’s blade, canceling out a large amount of the force they put into their strike. Attacks from opponents much stronger than him, wielding massive weapons become no easier to parry and deflect then thrusts from another foil, putting even the mightiest of foes on the same playing field as him.
Last Song of the Show
Crescendo du Chef d'Orchestre d'Acier Opus 14 Rank: C
Type: Anti-Army
Range: 5-40
Max Targets: 50 people It's an open secret really, one known to all artists regardless of craft. You might be defined by how you begin, but you are always remembered for how you finish. In all things, the ending is paramount. Thus, it is here, at the closing of this Grand Guignol that we find his greatest performance - the 14th technique and finale concentro. It’s not that this move is so fundamentally different from its ilk that it warrants its own spotlight. In truth, the singular difference between the Opus 1 thru 13 and this is not of ‘quality’, but merely of ‘scale’.
It is an act synonymous with the word ‘resonance’; utilizing all previous techniques and combining them into a singular existence, this crescendo is the only one of its brethren that could truly be called ‘His Song’, impossible to reproduce, for it embodies that raging fire in his heart - his need to affirm his own existence.
The most powerful and intense vibrations he’s possibly capable of generating come to inhabit not only his sword, but his entire body, constantly hammering his body but also growing in intensity. With a firm declaration of his True Name, he plunges his blade into the ground, triggering a seismic quake that hits all targets within its range. Opponents caught by the tremors not only take immense damage, but also must succeed against an End. check, or be rendered dizzy (confusion) for 1 turn. Regrettably, due to influence from his own story, every time he uses his Noble Phantasm, there’s a small chance that he’ll suffer feedback and have his parameters decreased by 1 grade for several hours, with the chance steadily rising the longer the Grail War goes on.
Personality
Interviews
A jovial and naturally talkative sort, Saint Georges easily becomes the life of any party he’s invited to. Manifesting as a Saber, he embodies every ounce of youthful vigor, hope and determination he possessed as a young man. Despite the rampant energy about him however, it's difficult to call him ‘childish’, if only because he was forced to grow up rather quickly in life. More accurately, the best framework to understanding him is that every action Georges takes is a ‘statement of identity’. Once he makes up his mind to do something, it will be done, simple as that. Whether playing incredible music, dueling with immense finesse and speed, or simply counseling a dear friend - at all times, he’s giving it his all. No matter how many times it may burn him, the flames of his soul continue to roar with an intensity that’s unrivaled. When it comes to other people, he’s rather easy to get along with generally. While there are several tenets of life that he holds fast too, he’s simply not the kind of man to force his principles on others. A gentleman through thick and thin, he’s remarkably patient and sympathetic to the circumstances others people find themselves in. Even if there are some things he simply can’t accept, it's rare to find someone in this world that he won’t at least try to understand.
Background Overview
Legend
Born the son of a former parliament member and a slave woman, Joseph Bologne was born with little immediate prospects in life. Under the rule of French law, he wasn’t even eligible to inherit his father’s titles and lands. Joseph refused to give up however, and his father refused to give up on him, enrolling him in a prestigious boarding school at 13 yrs. old, and his first fencing school a mere two years later. To the shock and amazement of his peers, Saint-Georges rapidly grew into an impressive duelist, regularly defeating the strongest swordsmen around, several of whom far exceeded him in experience and training. Before he even graduated, he even humbled a fencing master who dared to insult him for his lineage. So impressed was his father that, when Joseph finally graduated, was knighted as Chevalier de Saint-Georges, a play on the title of his father, the one he was forbidden from properly inheriting.
He received his first big break as a musician when a prominent violinist of the time composed a set of concertos for him, and from there Saint George exploded in popularity in the public eye, a fencing prodigy by daylight and a master musician by nightfall. He went on to compose several more concertos, symphonies and operas, growing his fame and prestige. What’s more, due to the sheer acclaim of his musical talents, he quickly found himself in the inner circles of the French noble elite. From there, his tale becomes increasingly intertwined with the French Revolution, as he bumped shoulders with Marie-Antoinette and Louis Philippe II, crossed paths (and blades) with Chevalier d'Éon, and even lived under the same roof as Mozart for a ‘quaint’ two months. He wasn’t merely content with remaining in the safety of Paris either, frequently rushing out to the frontlines to fight for greater freedom for the French people.
All good things must come to an end, and frequently the ending comes too quickly. Later in life, Saint Georges, after asserting his dominance at one last fencing tournament, soon fell ill. The result of rampant fatigue, as well as several prior conditions that had gone ignored had finally caught up with him. All of his performances, his duels, time spent on the battlefield had finally caught up with him, but he didn’t despair. Death is merely the byproduct of a Life well spent. His final moments were spent in careful contemplation of the life he had lived, and ultimately, he concluded that ‘the melody of my life has been a good one’.
Relationships
Spoiler:
Marie-Antoinette - “Looking as lovely as always, your Majesty…hm? Oh goodness…listen, my fair lady. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. That nasty business with the opera house wasn’t your fault. I made a choice, and that’s all there is to it. Now come, will you grace me with your mastery of the piano once again?”
Chevalier d’Eon - “Haha! It always does the heart good to meet a fellow Chevalier again. Good day d'Eon-what’s that? What rumors? H-hahaha…w-whatever do you mean? I-I would never think about holding back against you in a duel…a rematch, right now? Well, I don’t mind but, please stop making that expression first…”
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - “For a second there, I had assumed my eyes were playing tricks on me, though it seems no such ill fortune has befallen me today! It's wonderful to see you again, Mozart. Though admittedly, I was hoping our next meeting wouldn’t be under such…tense circumstances. We need to keep this from becoming a habit…”
Heinrich Schliemann - “Well, if nothing else, I respect the sheer passion with which you lived your life. And I’m fully aware of the irony of ‘me’ of all people saying this, but…perhaps you would’ve been better served if you exercised a bit more self-control?”
Christian Caldwell - “And you can’t even see the evil in your own actions? ...Very well then. But a word of advice? Be very, very careful with your choice in words when you’re around me…’friend’.”
Jenny Lind - “Oh, what’s this? I wouldn’t think it possible for a lily so pure, radiant and beautiful to exist in this era if it wasn’t looking me right in the eyes. Pardon my frankness, but are you busy at all? It’d be nothing short of an insult to the Muses if I didn’t get a chance to perform an opera alongside you.”
- - - Updated - - -
The cookie cutter formatting on this makes me a little embarrassed, but I guess it can't be helped for one of my first ever posts.
Last edited by Corvus; October 7th, 2022 at 10:48 AM.
The cookie cutter formatting on this makes me a little embarrassed, but I guess it can't be helped for one of my first ever posts.
Honestly, I doubt anyone has a problem with it. It's a good basis, the sheet itself is still pretty great, and we all grow our own little display styles with time, so nobodies expecting a hyper complex format for your first post. I'd say more on the sheet, but I'll do that when I do the comments for... everybody else who's posted so far.
18 sheets... wow, it's moving a lot faster this time than Augusts competition.
Don't be, it's a very good sheet. His core trait was translated very well into his abilities and I love how descriptive his Noble Phantasm is. Not only can I perfectly picture how a fight of his would go, I also want to play his class in an RPG.
I wish you detailed his involvement with the french revolution and the Marie crew a bit more in the background though. That's a very tightly knit group in the canon and he feels kinda tacked on as is.
His personal skills could be much more exciting too, I find Knight's Strategy in particular to be one of the most boring skills in Fate.
Last edited by pinetree; October 6th, 2022 at 05:09 PM.
Don't be, it's a very good sheet. His core trait was translated very well into his abilities and I love how descriptive his Noble Phantasm is. Not only can I perfectly picture how a fight of his would go, I also want to play his class on an RPG.
I wish you detailed his involvement with the french revolution and the Marie crew a bit more in the background though. That's a very tightly knit group in the canon and he feels kinda tacked on as is.
His personal skills could be much more exciting too, I find Knight's Strategy in particular to be one of the most boring skills in Fate.
Perfectly fair, I definitely could've gone a bit more into it. At the same time, them being such a close knit group is sorta why I didn't want to expand on it too much. I wanted to really zero in on 'him' specifically.
As for Knight's Strategy....eh, yeah you're kinda right, but I go by what fits best, not what sounds the most exciting lol
"--For the hour of Democracy has struck, and there is no wrong which a man resents like this." Father of the Tabloids - W. T. Stead Stead (1).png
Class: Caster Alternative Classes: Avenger, Rider True Name: William Thomas Stead Gender: Male Source: Historical Fact Region: Great Britain Alignment: Chaotic Good Attribute: Star Day of Decisive Battle: From the Old World to the New
Parameters
Strength: E Endurance: D Agility: D Mana: C Luck: C Noble Phantasm: B
Class Skills
Item Construction (News): Rank B+ - A skill indicating one's ability to manufacture magical items, from implements of war to items for daily use, using appropriate materials. However, Caster possesses absolutely no capability in making magical items, potions or anything of the sort. Rather, he is adept at the creation of ‘news’ at an alarmingly fast rate-- producing newspapers, primarily, but even more modern forms of news content like radios and blog posts can be produced, if Caster is provided with the appropriate tools.
Territory Creation: Rank C - A skill indicating one's ability to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. In Caster’s case, the area that is created is something like a ‘office’. Rather than magical apparatus, Caster’s territory is filled with the tools to assist in the gathering and printing of news-- typewriters, printing presses, even more modern touches like computers. Since the skill offers Caster no benefits as a Magus, the rank is only average.
Personal Skills
Storyteller (Tabloid): Rank EX - A skill denoting one’s capability to construct a story through the power of the written word, whether fictional or true. Whilst the writing books and papers do not ordinarily qualify one for this Skill, Caster’s revolutionization of the newspaper industry came in the invention of the Tabloid, the perfected form of turning a ‘Story’ into ‘News’. Through sensationalization, exaggeration and direct engagement with the audience, a more engaging piece than any fairy tale is made. At EX-rank, Caster’s capability in the transformation of ‘Stories’ into ‘News’ has reached the level of a curse, fundamentally and deliberately distorting the boundaries between truth and fiction, reality and fantasy. The form of journalism that Caster created ultimately changed the course of the world-- after all, in the information age, it his principles of journalism that carry so much of that information to our ears, and every breaking story is cast in the mould he created.
Any written work produced by Caster using his Item Construction or mundane means gains the ability to mentally influence the reader, distorting their perception of reality so that they believe whatever is read to be true, throwing their support blindly behind the ideals expressed by the piece.
Magecraft (Occultism): Rank D - A skill denoting one’s capability in various thaumaturgical disciplines thought of as ‘occult’-- communicating with the dead, the summoning of supernatural entities, cursing and similar forms of Magecraft often classified as Witchcraft. Caster was a avowed Spiritualist, but his enthusiasm for a good story and his sincere belief in the paranormal allowed him to be easily led astray by charlatans and frauds. Whilst he has some minor capability in these disciplines as a result of years of study, and his Magical Circuits are above average for a human of his time with no lineage to speak of, he possesses no natural talent, and his thaumaturgical abilities are not good enough to be truly considered ‘Witchcraft’, but rather a pale imitation.
Clairvoyance: Rank A- - A skill denoting the quality of one’s eyesight. At higher ranks, the ability to ‘see beyond sight’ is achieved, and even visions of the future are possible. In Caster’s case, his eyesight is entirely ordinary, but his ability to ‘see the future’ is top class, the only supernatural ability that the man called William T. Stead ever truly excelled in. Famously, Caster had visions of his own death aboard the HMS Titanic, and the fear of drowning haunted him all his life, appearing numerous times in his writings.
At A- rank, enhanced eyesight has been discarded entirely, but visions of future outcomes strike Caster often and without warning-- especially if they involve his death.
Noble Phantasms
The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon
The Minotaur of London
Rank: B
Anti-Army
A Noble Phantasm symbolising Caster’s most infamous piece of writing; “The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon”, a harrowing series of articles in which William T. Stead exposed the full extent of the child prostitution epidemic plaguing the underbelly of London, the ease with which one could partake in it, and the culpability of the rich and powerful in allowing it to exist unchallenged, often before they took part themselves. Stead was passionate about the horrific plight of those poor girls, and all their suffering coalesced around him-- not just the torment of the living but the regrets of the dead and lost.
This Noble Phantasm is the suffering of those children given form, using a metaphor that Stead himself coined as the basis of their form-- that of the Minotaur of London, fed a constant stream of innocent girls to sate its blasphemous hunger, just as MInos did so many years ago. An existence similar to a certain Heroic Spirit also given form by the suffering of countless children, the Minotaur of London is an uncontrollable monster when called forth by Caster, indiscriminately attacking friend and foe alike in a desperate attempt to lash out, to forget their misery for even a moment by sharing it with another.
Only Stead can calm the Minotaur once it enters its berserk state, for it was Stead alone that fought to bring them justice, to give voice to their pain, and to ensure it could not happen again. It will last for as long as it possesses a steady supply of magical energy, both supplied by Caster and derived from devouring the flesh of its victims, and can even exist unsupported for a brief time should Caster die whilst using it-- though, seeing such a thing would drive it into an incomparable rage.
Letters from London
From The Editor
Rank: C
Anti-Unit (Self)
A Noble Phantasm representing Stead’s vast social network, a grand collection of statesmen and paupers that were drawn to his passion and fervor despite the controversy that surrounded him, and how often his own views were at odds with those he professed camaraderie with. Despite the efforts of the state to make a criminal of him, Stead became the center of countless movements and circles. By the end of it, he counted prime ministers and presidents amongst his confidants, and enjoyed the confidence of some of the greatest thinkers and writers of his time.
Many of those with whom he held correspondence were enshrined in the Throne of Heroes as Heroic Spirits, and by using this Noble Phantasm Caster is able to reestablish that correspondence. By penning a letter to the Heroic Spirit in question and posting it via normal means, Caster sends an ‘enquiry’ directly to the Throne of Heroes, and after a day has passed he will receive a response also via post, the letter appearing amongst the mail of his Master. Those he writes to possess the full breadth of the knowledge they have in life, as well as access to the experiences that have been recorded as ‘information’ in the course of their history as Servants. However, their awareness of the situation Caster finds himself in is limited to what he puts down on paper-- to get a more detailed answer, he must write a more detailed question.
Caster’s list of correspondents is vast and varied, coming from all walks of society. Some examples of Heroic Spirits that might be reached include William Gladstone, Arthur Conan Doyle, or Mark Twain, to name a few. Even those figures who history remembers only as fiction are available to Stead, for he kept up with even those that history forgot-- detectives, eccentric scientists and even criminal masterminds.
Personality
Ultimately, Stead is a man cursed by his convictions. Though filled with high-minded ideas about the role of journalism in society and in governance, what truly sets his heart alight is the plight of the weak, of those who suffer because they have no voice. To some degree, he resents this softness of his, this earnest belief in doing the right thing, for he would be perfectly happy to be the muckraker his opponents decry him as; there is nothing he enjoys more than peeling back a secret to expose the gory details within, and he thrives on scandal and drama.
In the end, though, his convictions will always rule him. His high-minded ideals become little more than tools when used in the service of trying to save those he deems in need, fixing what he deems a problem. In his hands, the will of the public becomes a gun, and his words the ammunition.
"--If only I could save them, I'd be happy," he thinks, "that would be enough." It never is.
Background Overview
Born to poor parents, few would expect that the man called William Stead would claw his way so high up the ladder of Victorian society. Though instilled with a strong sense of faith and moral certitude from a young age by his father, a priest, it was his mother who had the most influence on his future. Inspired by her political campaigning, Stead took up journalism early in his adult life, his style and strong voice quickly winning him editorships at every publication he wrote for. His writing captured the attention of the powerful and the powerless alike, and his campaigns found purchase both in government and in the public consciousness.
It wasn't until he took the helm of the Pall Mall Gazette, however, that his place in history was cemented. Stead cemented the traditionally stuffy, conversative paper practically overnight, transforming into into a paper with tremendous public appeal. By infusing stories with sensationalism and excitement, he captured the attention of the people, and with that came success. This electrifying new form of journalism peaked with The Maiden Tribute of Modern Babylon, A series of articles in which Stead laid bare the child prostitution industry rampant in the streets of London, capping off the explosive expose with a demonstration-- purchasing a young girl from her mother for five pounds. He was successful in his campaign, influencing parliament into a law that raised the age of consent, but was imprisoned on a absurd technicality as if in revenge-- he had failed to obtain permission from the girl's father when buying her.
Even imprisonment could now slow him down, however, and over the years before and after, Stead continued to build a new form of journalism; the prototypical tabloid that would come to dominate print journalism even to this day. However, his ideals went far higher than that. Stead envisioned a kind of "government by journalism", a political system in which the influence of the editorial was what decided the law of the land, with politicians crushed under the tide of public opinion directed by writers and editors. Stead envisioned it to be a just, enlightened thing, of course, for in his mind the even-handedness of the journalist was the perfect tool with which to ensure fairness in the law.
--Stead continued his life's work, dabbling in spiritualism and the paranormal along the way, until he met his end aboard the infamous HMS Titanic. Though he had never had much success in his supernatural pursuits, there was one area in which Stead was undeniably gifted; the telling of the future. He often dreamed of drowning, and was sure he was likely to die that way. He wrote often of disasters at sea, and so perhaps he wasn't surprised when that unsinkable ship began to split apart. Either way, the last records of Stead's life tell of him carrying women and children aboard lifeboats and sacrificing his own life jacket for another. Ultimately, he followed his convictions to the very end. Relationships
Jack the Ripper - "...I'm sorry. In the end, it wasn't enough, was it? The city is the minotaur, and the minotaur never stops eating."
James Moriarty - "All of right-thinking society deserves to know his name, for we have all suffered under his hand in one way or another-- ah, right. Not supposed to give you the spotlight, am I? Holmes was clear on that much."
James Moriarty (Young) - "So that's how it is... mhm. Right! How about an interview, Professor? Or, well..."
Nostradamus - "There are no waters as dim and muddied than as those of prophecy... and yet. And yet. Ha. I'm going to be sick."
Jack Griffin - "Hmm... page 14 for this one. No photo, no cover. Sorry, kid."
William Randolph Hearst - "So this is the modern face of government by journalism, huh? ...I like it. Keep it up, kid. Show me I made the right choice."
JFK - "Look now, come and witness how Americana rewards her Emperor. A fair price, for the blood of Empire."
Comte de Saint-Germaine - "The credulous reader could scarcely believe it, and yet, like a weed he pops up and again. Is there a better argument for the eternity of the soul, even as the body departs?"
Last edited by YoungMeme; October 6th, 2022 at 07:26 PM.
I swear, you blink once in this thread and there's a billion more sheets to add to the Relationship section!
Same because aaaahhhhhhhh i just finished that long post. I'll add dialogue to Cope and Marsh's sheet on the newer sheets and my thoughts on them later...
Originally Posted by Random
Marty McDie over here is a member of a Magus clan that's very much inspired by the spat between these two men. Marty is the edgy one of the two siblings, but now you've posted Othniel for real, it'd be wrong if I didn't post Ellery at some point soon.
Aaaahhh, I see... Thanks for the link!
Originally Posted by NailsInYourFeet
I actually forgotten who Akinari was when I read your comment, thinking you meant Akihiko or a ship involving him for a sec. It was only then I remembered the Sun S. Link from P3, and now I feel bad for having forgotten him.
how dare could you forget the sunshine boi
Jk jk.
But yeah, that's why I made the comparison and also why I'm real weak for poor Otani.
Originally Posted by NailsInYourFeet
Thing I should add about Yoshitsugu is that I wrote and submitted before learning that Mitsunari was actually in FGO (very recently added though)
Oh for real? -checks- Oh, he was in the new GudaGuda. I see. I'm mainly sticking with NA in terms of FGO's story (and even then haven't reached Olympus yet), so I didn't know.
Speaking of Servants though.
I just realized
If I wanted to
I could use one of my ideas for a mythological servant
Because he has a historical counterpart/based on historical figure...
...
damn it. my sword hand twitches.
I'll put it off for now. inb4 i end up furiously writing it just like with cope and marsh
Author of: Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
"You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira) Chapter 55 on: April 24, 2024 (GMT +8:00)
Velvet Throne
My list of my Servants! Still small for now.
I was planning to review all the sheet until now but Draco got me thinking about dinosaurs. Have just a few hastly written ones instead.
Also Random, bro, please increase the font size on your sheets. Or am I the blind one? Holy shit
Spelror's Toriyama Sekien — The sheet alludes to a lot but ends up delivering very little. The vague description on the skills fits the vibe you went for well, but they left me expecting a more robust lore section. Having the Skills, the NP and the Lore all be short and vague doesn't work. The NP feels particularly lacking due to the multiple mentions of the parade. Featuring the pandemonium in the sheet would've enhanced it a lot.
Nails's Gunner — I guess going through all the entries right after news of the pre-school attack in Thailand is bad timing, but it only exemplifies what a bad idea it was to write this to begin with. Honestly, it's pretty revolting to do something like this and not frame and write it as a Servant sheet-shaped criticism to the social norms and intitutions that allow these atrocities to continue happening. I think even a stricly comedic dark-humor filled version would've been better.
I really don't know if there was a right way to write this sheet, but making it an edgy guy with cool abilities and the fucking Beast attribute of all things isn't it.
DracoScribe's Cope and Marsh — I was actually going to do them but since you did it first I thought about it and decided I didn't really want to do another Combination Servant so soon after my last one. Besides, I haven't finished Crichton's Dragon Teeth yet.
The faceclaim there feels a bit off, considering they're wearing their superhero outfits, and they don't really seem to relate to their personalities aside from being rivals. I also wish they had more unique Personal Skills. Paleontology is a very unique field compared to what we usually see and a lot of creative stuff could've come from that to replace Collector and Paleontology. The second one might feel right, but it's not as if every swordsman has a Swordsmanship. Mary Anning, our only example of a Paleontologist Servant, has very unique skills related to how she personally interacted with the field. You do have that as well with the Presence Concealment so great choice there, but these two could've been just as cool.
The NP feels obvious at first but the stampede representing their animosity and how they treated the field is very cool, great twist to make it interesting.
I'm not sure two scientits really warrant 3 NPs, but I get why you made the mount separate (personally I would've said it's one NP to summon both the mounts but they refuse to acknowledge it and keep calling it two different names).
And while I enjoy the abilities you gave each of the rides, it's pretty weird for these animals to simply have magical abilities such as manipulating water. If you wanted to add that, I would've appreciated some kind of connection being made with the more supernatural aspects Type-Moon has connected to suepernatural creatures (like the Aztec aliens or them actually being dragons from the Age of Gods or Tiamat's regression to the Jurassic).
I really enjoy the formatting of the sections here. Starting with their individual bios and then moving onto the bickering-filled abilities only to then move on to how they met and became friends was nice.
Your description of the increasing rivalry and how it destroyed them was nice, and their death was a good endnote. Bond 8 feels like overdoing it with the straight bios. You commented on it on your notes and I agree that you did enough during the 'story'. I understand wanting to list their accomplishments and all the animals they studied though.
I like how you contrasted their personalities and the wish section fit in nicely coming right after. Very good Bond CE too.
I like them and your dialogue depicts their personality nicely. Mechanically the sheet could use some work but you did very well when recounting their lives, organizing the info and pacing each section. I personally really care about these things and seeing you do it well on your first one definitely gets me excited for your future sheets.
(PS: There's a mistake on Bond 6. "Marsh was became")
Last edited by pinetree; October 6th, 2022 at 09:13 PM.
Nails's Gunner — I guess going through all the entries right after news of the pre-school attack in Thailand is bad timing, but it only exemplifies what a bad idea it was to write this to begin with. Honestly, it's pretty revolting to do something like this and not frame and write it as a Servant sheet-shaped criticism to the social norms and intitutions that allow these atrocities to continue happening. I think even a stricly comedic dark-humor filled version would've been better.
I really don't know if there was a right way to write this sheet, but making it an edgy guy with cool abilities and the fucking Beast attribute of all things isn't it.
Gunner was very much written as a criticism of the social norms and institutions that allow such atrocities to keep happening, I would never have submitted him if that hadn't been my intent. His own NP pins the blame on American Gun Culture, his Skill where people in power don't respond appropriately to him is outright called 'Thoughts and Prayers', and his dialogue is written to make him look egotistical and pathetic
I also only gave him the Beast attribute due to its association with villainous character, not the Beasts specifically
That said, I do admit though that I could've done a better job though making my intent with him clear, and if asterism had allowed me to replace him with another Servant submission I would've
Last edited by NailsInYourFeet; October 6th, 2022 at 09:27 PM.
Reason: Beast attribute
I didn't mean to ignore the criticism you did include into it, but I guess I didn't feel the it was strong enough to justify the sheet. The focus is still on the character of the personified school shooter rather than on the events themselves.
You definitely placed the blame on gun culture during the NP, but at the end of the day it's still an action-type super-move with infinite guns. NPs kind of inherently are cool ultimates, which is why I'm not sure this idea could even have worked.
Just making it clear that I'm not holding these criticisms against your person or anything, it's really just the sheet.
That said
Hey Asterism, considering the unfortunate coincidence with the attack on Thailand, I think you should let her replace it if she wants to.
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by DracoScribe
