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Thread: Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

  1. #6181
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    despite being one of the pioneers of the image reveal format, my formatting remains consistently barebones...

    but maybe that's why i've been failing to keep up with all the fancy format havers
    Check out the officialTM Create-a-Servant discord server









    Blindfold your eyes, so that the approaching night may strike no fear in you.
    Let it not burden your soul, nor numb your strides.

  2. #6182
    祖 Ancestor
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    I just use the basic stuff that was in DelRey's University of Formatting. It's quite beginner friendly and easy to use

  3. #6183
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamera View Post
    despite being one of the pioneers of the image reveal format, my formatting remains consistently barebones...

    but maybe that's why i've been failing to keep up with all the fancy format havers
    True, my formatting journey began with me trying to copy your style.
    You are still consistently good, but readers nowadays prefer some more girth to be hit with. Adding more to your style outside few more pics would feel weird now. Your strong suit are profound concepts that are explained in a succinct manner. Perhaps expanding on them more is a right step.
    But if you ever want to change your template, i can try to help if i can
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  4. #6184
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redrue View Post
    also I can’t make heads or tails of all the fancy-ass templates you’re all using lol. Sometimes I click on “Blog this post” on a sheet just to see the makeup of the template someone uses and it always looks like a godawful confusing mess… makes me anxious I’m going to fuck everything up and remake pinetree’s meme Tamamo Christ through sheer incompetence haha
    Formatting is scary, copy someone else and change it to fit your needs. The style will evolve as you use it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Kamera View Post
    despite being one of the pioneers of the image reveal format, my formatting remains consistently barebones...

    but maybe that's why i've been failing to keep up with all the fancy format havers
    I guess you could style it differently, but I quite like the rhythm of how you format your text currently.

  5. #6185
    夜魔 Nightmare NittyGritty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    INitty is crack while Scribe is weed.
    i feel so seen right now

  6. #6186
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redrue View Post
    Y’all, I gotta say. I admire the sheer quality and effort put into all these Servant profiles a ton. Each one has impressed me greatly and yet, you all still find things to criticize each other on! I really really want to participate (I have a pretty solid idea for this month’s theme, at least IMO), but goddammit, I can’t help but be intimidated. not just because of this level of standard I see is… firmly set, but also I can’t make heads or tails of all the fancy-ass templates you’re all using lol. Sometimes I click on “Blog this post” on a sheet just to see the makeup of the template someone uses and it always looks like a godawful confusing mess… makes me anxious I’m going to fuck everything up and remake pinetree’s meme Tamamo Christ through sheer incompetence haha

    But yeah… I dunno if I’m going to bring myself to submit my own sheet, but I just wanted to express my feelings. Good luck to everyone!
    I wouldn't worry about formatting. I mostly use pretty straightforward formatting for my sheets. I'd just go with what feels right for the particular sheet.

  7. #6187
    祖 Ancestor Vididii's Avatar
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    Yeah, seriously- if you wanna know a fun trick to make anything look 50% better though, if you click 'go advanced' and select the center text tool, it looks better INSTANTLY

  8. #6188
    夜属 Nightkin SimpleScribe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    I mean, most people's are complicated, but others just appear that way at a glance. Del goes hard on detail while Bn has tons of girth. WF is more flourish while Pine has clickability. Nitty is crack while Scribe is weed.
    You just find what makes sense.
    Well... I am certainly in a constant state of being "High on Life". My feelings for my peers around me can only be described as "Admiration, Adoration, Affection". It is just... I feel so comfortable here and it often gets reflected in my writing. It would take much mental anguish to bring down my mood, but never will I hold any sort of dislike for my peers. So yes, my Sheets would have this strange serendipity to them, few as they are.

    My advice to our up-and-coming writer is, "Write what you are feeling right now." Writing often requires quite the amount of discipline that disallows the distractions of feelings, but... the stories a person can write when they are overwhelmed with so much emotions... Those are my favorites. Formatting is not a priority to me. Just tell me a good story and I will be happier than a sunflower at noontime.

  9. #6189
    ...I know no cure for evil. DracoScribe's Avatar
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    Just quick two cents because I wanna offer encouragement ASAP when I take a while to write out most of my replies (especially since I got several to reply to for just this thread...)

    @redrue Like others have said, yeah it is pretty intimidating seeing all these colorful and "complex" coded sheets, but don't worry about your format being simple. I mean hell, my format is basically me looking at WhiteFrenzy's format, which is what inspired me to want to write sheets (among other things), seeing the code, and go "okay this is too much for me" and simplifying it into a format that keeps the stuff I want while lessening the code so that it's not that much of a hassle for me.
    But at the end of the day, what determines the formatting of my sheets, and why I even was inspired by WF's format, is matching whatever "vibe" I wanna go for...or the the story I wanna tell.
    Hence why my formatting for my sheets for this contest is different from what I've done for most of my sheets so far (bar Frau Holle). There is a certain story I wanted to tell with the Keres and Macaria, a message that's close to my heart. (Edit: tho uh also in this case i was once again inspired by scribe's prose so yeah even more influence from others) So it's kinda like Scribe's "write what you are feeling right now". Whether that be something simple or elaborate, as long as your story is being told.
    So I hope you can give it a try, whether here or in the Create a Servant thread.
    Last edited by DracoScribe; April 11th, 2023 at 07:57 PM.
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    Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
    "You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira)
    Chapter 55 on: April 24, 2024 (GMT +8:00)
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    My list of my Servants! Still small for now.

  10. #6190
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    Class: Moon Cancer
    True Name: Jarir Ibn Abdullah Al Bajali
    Alignment: Chaotic Lawful
    Origins: Arabia

    Strength: A+
    Endurance: A
    Agility: B+
    Mana: B
    Luck: B
    NP: EX

    Lore Nothing is much known about Jarir, one of the more minor or elusive members of the Prophets Companion. He is best known for his part of the generals the Prophet sent to eradicate the remnants of the Age of the Gods in Arabia. There is little record of him elsewhere, just minor hadiths attributed to him. Though that is not all that it seems at the Moon Cell, as it frequently interacts with Humanity, snatching Jarir’s soul as acting as a Sentinel of the Moon Cell and dispatching any threats towards it. Particularly the dangers from Divine Spirits trying to take root within the Moon Cell and taking its authority. That is until the B.B. shows up and cuts his from the Moon Cell Server as he was in the way from B.B.’s first objective of using Divine spirit pieces to create the Sakura Five. He was cut off from the Moon Cell Core and left broken and defective in the Far Side of the Moon with the remnants of his directive, motivation, and memories all scrambled until the only thing left from his mind is just [DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.] So he became akin to a rouge white cell that aims to eradicate the moon cell in its entirety as it thought of it as a massive plague that must purge

    PersonalityCold and unmoving, you can’t really get him to talk or say much of anything since little of his history got recorded by the Moon Cell, and any data left has been corrupted and turned to the extreme. The only things that can get him to talk are if you are objective with his directive or the few people he knew in life though he only loosely remembers them and would mostly shy away from them. He would turn manic in the presence of Divine Spirits and pursue them in a weird attempt at extermination, and there is little to none that can reason with him in this regard. Thus, the Staff of Chaldea kept him a solitary confinement for most of his time there. So he doesn’t cause a stir.

    Class SkillMadness Enhancement (EX Rank): An Uncontrollable urge to destroy anything from the Age of the Gods. His eyes would glow silvered and grey as his figure turned static, and his mass blurred in flashing lights like a neon sign as he only spoke with static when coming near contact with anything that might be related. The more divine the nature of the being, the worst of a mental state Jarir will be in.

    “DELETE, DELETE, DELETE the Tumor of Humanity that is the Gods of Old. It is the will of Humanity for them to be gone.”

    Riding ( A+ Rank):This skill is another of the remnants of his old memories, as the prophet foretold him in a hadith that he would never knock off his mount. This gives him greater defenses when riding, and he is quite the expert in multiple vehicles, but he prefers horses of any other type of transportation.

    “Being on top of this horse brings back faint memories. No, please come back to me, please, I want to know more, damn it, Damn It, DAMN IT!!!!!!!!”


    Personal SkillsForgotten Arms Mastery (- Rank): A skill that demotes his parameters and skills as fuzzy and hard to read as the only thing that you can gather from looking at him. It is static, and when he fights, his movement can’t be comprehended with the naked eye as his form and placement are erratic, like a broken game asset instead of an actual living being, for Jarir is just moving from fracture memories rather than full ones. The True Name Discernment Skill is the only way to decipher anything from him.

    None know how much Jarir achieved in a battle. There are little to no records of his battles, but most of his battles have the same caliber as other powerful generals of the Islamic era, such as Khalid Ibn Abi Walid and Ali Ibn Abi Talib.

    “My fighting style felt so familiar but just as faint as the rest of my memories. But that does not matter now. I will use it to mow down any threats toward humanity. For that is the great propose that was instilled in me.”

    Charisma of the Faded Moon (EX Rank): A Charisma Skill that is a bit wonky as his face shifts between handsome and horrific. His whole being is stuck at low pixels and would glitch out in pixels. Thus, rendering this skill too unstable to use.

    What was originally a skill that came from the Prophet’s hadith said that his face had the same shine as the moon. But the skill faded and corrupted after languishing in the Far Side of the Moon and feeding upon the junk data that scattered along there.

    “Just don’t look at me for too long; what even am I or was I? I am human, that much I am sure of. At least, I hope so.”

    Idol Deletion ( A+ Rank): A skill that is the reverse of the Item Creation Skill. That came about from a grave side effect of the Far Side of the Moon. His saint graphs were in taters on the brink of collapsing as it tried to self-preserve themselves by feeding off the junk data around them.

    His memories of destroying idols, to be one of the few remnants of his memories, causes him to delete magical items to dissolve into imaginary numbers that he uses as fuel for his Saint Graph.


    “None of the sinful past shall chain humanity no more. They are best to destroy and forgotten to the void.”


    Noble PhantasmDivine System Purge, Dhul Khalasa
    Type: Anti-Divine
    Rank: EX

    This is an authority deletion attack, so it only works on divine spirits, as it rips apart a god’s authority and purges it from them, leaving them to be swallowed up by the root. Though the junk data of the moon cell made the skill go haywire and began to eat it up as flames. It doesn’t directly kill them, merely stripping them of any power whatsoever, leaving them as nothing more than forgotten phantoms with only fragments of their former glory. Just another ghost that faded in the minds of humanity. Though its effects depend on the quality of the opposing gods, the saint graph is. The weaker it is, the easier the Noble Phantasm works on them.

    The demolition of Dhul Khalasa said to the central temple of the Yemeni Pantheon, often ascribed to the Kaaba of Yemen, for there lay hundreds and hundreds of gods of all shapes and sizes. So much so that data of these gods are lost to the records of the time. Their worship became practically extinct as the Arabian Peninsula began its meteoric rise in the worship of Allah and Islam held as a faith in the area. For many of these gods, names are lost and forgotten, practically erased from history, as for the lucky ones whose name remains in the void as their stories are practically non-existent.



    Misc Lines Like: Well, what do I like, you ask? Well, I have gotten a clue. It’s so long since and faded that I always prioritize my directive. That I haven’t had a chance to think about myself.

    Dislike: The Divine Spirits of Old as they are my enemy as they have done nothing but leech off the lives of humanity and thought of us as nothing more than pawns in their little games.

    Holy Grail: That sensation felt familiar, like I touch something with similar power. It burns, it burns. Could you take that thing away from me, NOW?

    Event: I have no opinion on these; I feel it wastes my time. So go and do whatever you do in these things and leave me be.


    Relationships ChaldeaMaster: Master, what do you want me to do here? I am here because our interest is in alignment. So don’t pry much into my affairs. And besides, there’s nothing much going about anyhow.

    B.B.: You there? I believe we met before. A broiling sense of anger boils deep within me when I see your face. But it’s too foggy to recall clearly. I will leave it be for now since I don’t make things difficult for everyone here at Chaldea.

    Sakura Five: You all feel familiar yet foreign. I can sense familiar traces, but their broken and battered while stich haphazardly in you. I can sympathize a bit with you, but I won’t, as the broken pieces of the divine are those pieces that should stay buried for a long time.

    Kama: That rotten face I fell as I had seen before, but even without that. That dreaded Aura of yours reeks malice of both the so-called divine and demonic. Honestly, you kind are the worst of the lot, and your domain is sickening, controlling love! These emotions aren’t there for some like you to toy with.

    Lostbelt Kings: So these fools think they hold the world’s power in the palm of their hands. Their demented judgment has led their respective worlds to ruin. That is the hubris of these spirits that only understand their ego and maybe a few people, but it takes a true understanding of the whole world and its inhabitants down to the tiniest grain to manage a world.


    Embodiments of the EndBhargava Markandeya(Simple Scribe): Stop that infernal dancing. It is already causing a racket here. Tsk, it’s not up to the lot of you to choose when the end comes with their whims in chaos and disorder. I heard that your so-called God killed someone with the energy to destroy the universe just because he was annoyed. How can you ensure that won’t happen again with the blood of humanity, or are you just content with that and even calling it just?

    Cassandra(RoydGolden): Don’t those foolish Gods chain you down these bloody visions. It’s best to use them against it. We will all be forgotten someday, which would become true death. But who am I to say that I am already a step closer to it? This is why they should all be forgotten.

    Sophia(FarewellToMrA): [ERROR],[ERROR], [ERROR]. Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP with your yammering, and get out of my sight and away from my mind.

    Malcolm Muggeridge (RoydGolden): Your poor soul having that blighted tumor within you. Unfortunately, I am no doctor. There is nothing I can do for you. You’re a kind soul; I can see that much, but too much sorrow has filled your heart. Don’t worry. This is going to be quick.

    Parikshit(BnEL15): Tsk, foolish king! Trusting a demon would only lead you astray. Give them an inch, and they will bite through your entire arm. It only took one evil deed to plague humanity, creating a nasty tumor that lingers in the souls of humanity.

    Keres(DracoScribe): If you like death so much, how about I will give you a taste of it on your own! You are one of the most despicable excuses for a god. Let your memory be reduced to the void forgotten by history itself. Unlike you, I will make it painless it’s more than you deserve, honestly, but I still have some honor in myself.

    L Ron Hubbard(Dreamless): One of those raving delusionist that think they are smart and unique. Time to rip your head out of the clouds! I have memories of people like you, but they all blurred. I don’t know if because I am broken, or people like you are all just the same spouting nonsense and fear to people so you can play them like pawns.

    Laevatienn(Vididii): A blade that ended the Gods of the North. How remarkable Ragnarok was it. If only every myth has those lying around somewhere. The better of humanity would be if they all died of the same fate, but that is not the case with most of them.

    Michael(Vance): What is this farce, Mikhail? My memory is hazy, but I never recall being taught or learning you this way. Then again, I was told angles change their forms however they like, so who am I to judge you?


    Macaria(DracoScribe): [System Crash], I feel conflicted looking at you. I will get out of your hair but don’t follow me, or you will regret it. Tsk, how can you bare that bloody curse and act like it's a blessing. (He just quickly walks away from her sight)

    Garshāsp(Morg Van Destro): It pains me to take heed of your words, Magus. But you are right. I am already disappointed in myself, a hollow man with a fractured legacy. Only a few scraps of words are left of it. You better look elsewhere if you want to be impressed!

    Matsukura Katsuie(NittyGritty): Look at you, buffoon, nothing more than a poor caricature of a modern trend.

    Demiurge/Dajjal(AndrosTC): You, You, You, YOU YOU YOU YOU!!!!!!!!. [ERROR] [ERROR] [ERROR] [ERROR] [ERROR][ERROR][ERROR][ERROR][ERROR][ERROR] (System Overload). (Rational System Shut Down). Can you die, Now!

    Eris (Salt Pillar) : Greece is home to the second most abominable gods. Fiends like these make up your texture, yet you all were considered the pillar of civilization. It’s honestly laughable. The world will be better if freaks like you are forgotten forever.



    Unknown Soldiers( Morg van Destro) : Look at you all so happy there, so these are the remnants of forgotten soldiers. I wonder if I would just like you all if I let the sands of time erase me, but here I am stuck in this perpetual Limbo.

    Artabanus II(Scotcheroos): The Parthian Conqueror, all of this talk about conquering, and you didn’t bother to look at your south. What are too many desserts for your liking? Or are you too busy preoccupied with your little failure in Armenia?

    "Alice in Wonderland" (Random): Sigh, all of the people I have ever met, Who had a similar experience! The last type of person I would expect is just a little girl. I would stop it, kid. I know where you’re heading, and it won’t fulfill you. Believe me, I tried. What do you think we’re in those junk files at the Moon Cell?

    Karl May( DesReploid): It must be nice to drown yourself in a world of stories without a care in the real world. Tell me, which pains you more, a story that is lost forever or a story that only remains in tatter scraps?

    Louhi(Uriel): Another one of those vultures that doesn’t know it’s time is it up. Honestly, I could no longer care about honor after seeing what makes most of you gods tick. As you said, you always hated humans, so why don’t you just disappear forever and be forgotten by them instead!

    Simon Bar Kokhba (doncosaco): So you stand dying, as your temple to God fell into ruins. I doubt you be ecstatic to see me. If you even know me, I barely know myself but fear not, I have a code against attacking people of the book without proper cause.

    Barbara Newhall Follet(FarewellToMrA): I don’t need your pity for this the fate I am cursed with, but if it’s too much for you to bear to even look at me. I will get out of your sight; goodbye, miss. May you never have to endure the things that I have.

    Mistilteinn(TQG Imaginatorious): This is the last thing I would expect of all the things that could happen since I got here. But all right, I will cooperate with you. As for your parents, they are all yours. I am not exactly here for the family drama. Just be careful not to be near me too much, okay? I hate to see your drain away.

    Elizabeth K (DelRey): Have you thought of joining your children in the void? You and this world cause pain to each other. Best you be forgotten and be at peace forever more.

    Sajah & Musaylima(Serra): You two, I have maybe forgotten many things in my life, but I have never forgotten the two of you. A pair of snakes that thought of themselves as a prophet. Tsk, this might not be my direct jurisdiction, but I will fill in for Khalid to take you two out.

    Prince Charming (Sutaa): Tsk, and here I thought I was a freaking mess. Wake up from fantasy land, Prince, because humanity is fine with breaking their bonds by itself. I have to learn this the hard way myself. Suffice it to say that Sorry, but the princess has long left the castle by now.

    Virochana=Vairocana(Scotcheroos): [ERROR], [ERROR], ( Recalibrating senses), Honestly, you are such a mess, two contradicting forces, and yet both seem to be attached to the hip. Though I remember a modern adage that says opposites attract. But I didn’t expect it but to this bloody degree.






    Bond CEA Lost Order

    What I am here for, Scarred, broken, and forgotten. They say no empire lasts forever, and No Hero is genuinely immortal, yet I see many endless sins and decay. Yes, I have a mission and an order. But what was it, yes, to exterminate these heathens and abominations from the minds of humanity? So they no longer be able to be preyed upon. And yet and yet something feels missing, no, everything feels missing?



    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHAHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAH!!!

    What is my purpose here in this world?

    Why does everything feel so empty?





    Last edited by Ismail2002; April 21st, 2023 at 02:22 AM. Reason: Update Relationship Segments to Virochana=Vairocana.

  11. #6191
    Appreciator AndrosTC's Avatar
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    If someone told me back in 2020 I would see one of the Prophet's companion be turned into a terminator for the moon system that goes haywire erratic in his pursuit to eradicate divine (idolatry) properties, I would laugh at them

    But boy what do we have here

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by redrue View Post
    Y’all, I gotta say. I admire the sheer quality and effort put into all these Servant profiles a ton. Each one has impressed me greatly and yet, you all still find things to criticize each other on! I really really want to participate (I have a pretty solid idea for this month’s theme, at least IMO), but goddammit, I can’t help but be intimidated. not just because of this level of standard I see is… firmly set, but also I can’t make heads or tails of all the fancy-ass templates you’re all using lol. Sometimes I click on “Blog this post” on a sheet just to see the makeup of the template someone uses and it always looks like a godawful confusing mess… makes me anxious I’m going to fuck everything up and remake pinetree’s meme Tamamo Christ through sheer incompetence haha

    But yeah… I dunno if I’m going to bring myself to submit my own sheet, but I just wanted to express my feelings. Good luck to everyone!
    There is nothing to be ashamed of to start somewhere. After all, we're here to vibes and having fun. I encourage you to submit it and enriches this event with your participation
    Would appreciate it if you check either of these links below
    --- Fate/Antediluvian Hymn: Equilibrium of Chaos and Order ---

    THE THRONE OF HEROES
    thanks for the Visit!

  12. #6192
    ...I know no cure for evil. DracoScribe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vididii View Post
    Marcaria: YEAAAAAAAAHHHH LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE HERRRRR. FANTASTIC story, such a fucking wonderful way of mending the paternity issue present when making a servant of her. The link between the Keres sheet/ the paired theming is REALLY strong as well, it's a perfect sorta message that really comes out in their interactions. All her ranks are great, same as the skills themselves, and I fucking adore the NP. I think the fact that her lance is a scepter-key, making her the gatekeeper of Elysium, is really good, because as a responsibility, it's huge- which in turn, solidifies how much she's become part of the Hades family. This shit's getting points from me.
    Woah. Haha, thanks for the compliment, and the point consideration. I'm happy to hear you love her, and that the connected story worked out well! Since, well, it's a subject that's...hmm...right, that I don't want to treat without care. I'm definitely super glad to hear the technical side worked out too, since I think she's the first one I really went "all out" in high ranks (I know for certain she's my first EX rank NP tho), and I'm always nervous on that especially 'cause of me worrying if I made it understandable/reasonable with what I know of Servant mechanics. Oh and that you loved the NP too! That was my favorite part of the technical side since, I'll admit, I felt really clever for making it up.

    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    White exclamation points and stuff is for you to click
    Oh.
    I didn't notice.
    Well okay I mean I did notice them, but it didn't occur to me to click them. Thanks for that too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Spelror View Post
    My dearest friend, how much can I offer of a millionth of the creativity and adaptability you have?
    Wait you talkin' to me?
    I'm assuming you talkin' to me but a part of me can't help but doubt myself because, well, that's what it feels like when I hear compliments half the time...
    Ah, but if you are talking to me...

    Idk
    I chalk up to the adaptability to having done RPs before, including GMing once.
    Creativity? No clue. I just...do. because half the time I wonder if I'm actually being creative at all.

    Anyways...speaking of creativity...

    My thoughts on the Servants so far!

    Michael: Okay, I'll admit, Scribe's thoughts on the NP are influencing me when I say this, but even before that, the thing that stood out to me about Michael despite the sheet feeling like a very straight forward sheet for me was her personality. It's like Sophia, holding herself back, but to even more of an extreme. The kind of personality of someone who wants to care but duty and that care in the first place made them not be controlled by their emotions in the first place. And then add in Scribe's thoughts on it, how that the Book Michael holds can save One person...and that person had to be important to her for her to break her impartiality... Yeah, I like her more than originally intended.
    Honestly Scribe is making everyone great really. But this isn't the time for that.

    Garshāsp: Wait like Koga? How-- *sees the ranks* --oh. I see. Well, I concur with Vidiidi in that this is good shit. The flashbacks to her life, broken up my the skills and NP, to actually show us a glimpse on how she earned them and how people around her felt about her, including that special someone, until we get the story in full with the rest of sheet. Yeah good shit. And her character? I blame the intro of "Garshāsp is disappointed in you. Then again, Garshāsp is disappointed by most people she meets. This isn’t your fault. She simply has expectations far greater than most can meet," for making her personality comes off as funny to me when really the better descriptor is interesting. On one hand she has very high expectations that a majority of people can't meet and doesn't like deities existing as a thing or a concept, but on the other hand she likes humans as whole and wants what comes after her better and... Idk, I just have this funny mental image of her either with a flat face or very, very, VERY small smile, and her love giving her the biggest hug and smile and the juxtaposition is hilarious.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Now, no one will care about these facts but me, but I’m gonna list them anyway because I spent too many days on google translate deciphering Garshāsp’s poem.
    Well then I will at least listen because I know I would've done the same with research for Nongyu and Xiaoshi had Spelror not helped me.
    Ok well I still ended up doing that but mostly so that I actually know where the parts he translated were from and have a general outline/idea on how the story flowed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Firstly, Garshāsp is actually supposed to be Jamshid’s grandson, yet some traditions outside the poem have him being his son. Given that the people between them do nothing and have no purpose, plus even with those generations Garshāsp was still gonna end up living centuries because Zahhak’s rule lats 1000 years, it just seemed better to expedite the in-between. People just lived longer back then, man.
    I am remembering that the very, very, very earlier Biblical figures (as in pre-flood) would live close to a thousand years, so I am not surprised to hear that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Secondly, the closest thing to a name for his wife is Shahi, which is simply just a way of referring to female royalty, deriving from Shah. Given that, I just elected to use princess. If anyone wants to go through the poem lines she’s mentioned in and find a name, I’d be all ears.
    Aaand thar person will not be me. Interesting choice nonetheless though. Cause, y'know, you could've just kept it as "shahi" but that may or may not come off as gratuitous.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Thirdly, Garshāsp gets a few magical items at the beginning, but they are never directly mentioned beyond possession, which is actually what made me go with her relying solely on her personal power, leading me to the development of her personality.
    Oh so that's how it lead to that. Again, I like how you went on it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Fourthly, the detail on the magical islands in India is way more than they needed for things that serve no real purpose. They all have specific names and tons of descriptive imagery that I refuse to go into because it is long~.
    Lol
    That makes me think of when Sun Sukong got his name and it's an incredibly long explanation leading up to it
    Except I don't actually know 'cause I only know thanks to Overly Sarcastic Productions' videos on Journey to the West and hadn't reached that part when I read it (i really should get back to it, it was fun reading the beginning alone...tho might be influenced by osp too)

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Fifthly, the fact that he adopts a child rather than having one really helped in me making him a woman. As for why I made her a tiny human calamity, that was mostly for the imagery.
    Oh, I see. ...pfft. Then I am now imagining the princess was actually way taller than her and would hug Garshāsp like a teddy bear. XD

    Katsuie Matsukura: nooooo! now my own tokusatsu idea is gonna look like i ripped off you!
    Kidding kidding, but it is true I've had a Servant idea involving basically being all tokusatsu (or rather...kamen rider), so I can't help but be fond of this sheet doing the same too. And it's a riot. All the talk of "justice", the naming schemes for his "name" and skills and such, and the intro and outro is just... Ha. Pure fun. And that was before the white punctuation marks were pointed out, wherein we actually get the technical side without it being [s]madness enhanced[/i] obscured by the character Matsukura believes he is. Which was nice to actually see considering, well, I went up and Googled him after finished reading, assuming the sheet wasn't gonna tell me as part of the joke until DelRey pointed out the collapses. So yeah. Fun. The presentation of course. What he does, uh...not so much.

    Simon Magus=Demiurge/Dajjal: my gosh i feel bad saying this but reading your sheet made me drowsy so it took me three tries to get through it
    Which was weird cuz I remember really enjoying your uh...wait gimme a minute... -searches- ...your "Ismail al-Jazari" sheet, even if I thought it felt more like an unpolished gem. But I think the main problem why it was hard to get through is the prose (cuz well it has other problems as Del pointed out but put a pin on that for now). I'd need to look ay your Ismail sheet again, but like, so much of the prose made me go "what i don't remember it being like this in your last sheet". Tenses are not kept consistent and sentences are somewhat awkward. But the most obvious of the problems was the description of the Archons, where many parts were repetitive. The most obvious ones being what can beat them is more or less the same (anti-divine), so you could've gone "Archons: what they do and what weaknesses they share" and then describe each one. Same with the "red eyes passed down to his children". It was enough to mention that from the father of them so it wasn't really necessary to repeat it unless there was a change, like say (as an example not saying you did it in the sheet) "they have only one red eye they got from their father while the other is -insert other color here" or (one thing you did do) "this one can get hurt by most noble phantasms" to say otherwise.
    Which is weird, 'cause your dialogue for Demiurge/Dajjal seems otherwise fine. In fact, it's my favorite part of the sheet. Makes me wonder if you're just more used to spoken dialogue but not the "semi formal" tone non-comedic story telling has.
    Other than that, my sentiments are similar/the same with what DelRey already said so I won't repeat what he said, especially the "not familiar with 'source material' to say anything on that front".
    The only thing I'll elaborate my own thoughts on is the lore.
    Which, well, though how much I know isn't necessarily vast, but seeing Demiurge's section say "he tricked people to thinking natural phenomenon were gods when they were not" when we know, for example, that the Olympians were a thing (and outright aliens), made me go "ok i think this isn't possible"...except that loops back to "wait he's extremely arrogant. What if he just thinks he did that?" and "wait i my knowledge is not that comprehensive so maybe it actually works better than i think and i just don't know it", so make of that what you will.
    In short, my sentiments are: Man, I'm sad I didn't like this sheet as much as the last one I read (and remember) and actually had a hard time reading it. I think I know the reasons why and most of them are what DelRey already said, with a little extra thoughts on the prose specifically.

    Eris: Well. This was a ride to read. Man the vibes you give for your sheets are always so...cool. No, atmospheric. And this one is no exception. This was a really, really, really interesting take on Eris, one that made me go "yeah that is a good question" about her exclusion from THAT wedding and then subsequently give an answer to it. And I can't help but like the answer not only because it is delivered in aforementioned atmospheric way, but because it's using Proto-Indo European stuff and I can't help but find that cool in a "man you actually used it and pulled off, i like it" way.
    Though I'll admit since you mentioned Achlys, one of my thoughts was "oh uh...oh boy. i stealth included her in my keres sheet and now i wanna try to 'make it work/connect' despite that" so, uh, I hope you don't mind how I had the Keres, and her reaction to Eris.

    Jarir Ibn Abdullah Al Bajali: these islamic names i swear i need a while to remember them beyond one word or two. Anyways! I can legit say this is my favorite of your sheets yet. I think the relationship section really helped with that because he felt the most alive/fully realized character of the few sheets I've read of you. And even before that, I think the lore was really interesting, aka the reason why he's a Moon Cancer. Though, uh, I will admit, though I get that the Moon Cell went "oh he
    deatroys idols
    kills divinities
    let's use him as a defense mechanism against them" with him, for some reason a part of me is like "wait. That's it? But there are so many godslayers/idol destroyers, how was he any different from others that the Moon Cell picked him?" unless I guess there are other programs like him but we just don't see 'em, but still. That was really the only sore sticking point in a sheet that I liked.
    Author of:
    Persona 5: Refraction (SV link; FF.net link)
    "You didn't have to fight for me, you know." "And you didn't have to curl your hair so we'll look even more alike." Ren stared before he softly chuckled, Akira joining him not long after. With one simple decision as a child, Ren Amamiya goes to Tokyo alongside his little sister, Akira. (P5R Sibling AU) (Ren/Ann, Akechi/Fem!Akira)
    Chapter 55 on: April 24, 2024 (GMT +8:00)
    Velvet Throne
    My list of my Servants! Still small for now.

  13. #6193
    夜属 Nightkin Salt Pillar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DracoScribe View Post
    Eris: Well. This was a ride to read. Man the vibes you give for your sheets are always so...cool. No, atmospheric. And this one is no exception. This was a really, really, really interesting take on Eris, one that made me go "yeah that is a good question" about her exclusion from THAT wedding and then subsequently give an answer to it. And I can't help but like the answer not only because it is delivered in aforementioned atmospheric way, but because it's using Proto-Indo European stuff and I can't help but find that cool in a "man you actually used it and pulled off, i like it" way.
    Though I'll admit since you mentioned Achlys, one of my thoughts was "oh uh...oh boy. i stealth included her in my keres sheet and now i wanna try to 'make it work/connect' despite that" so, uh, I hope you don't mind how I had the Keres, and her reaction to Eris.
    LETS GO! Validation from Draco! Thank you a lot, the backstory was tough to summarize sufficiently, so it's good to know it worked out for you ;-; I really thought not including Achlys in someway would be such a shame, since her cosmogony is one of the cooler ones—and I really liked the relationship thingy with Eris in the Keres sheet. Thank you draco, I can now return to my slumber (or release a follow-up Egyptian Pantheon eschatology sheet whichever comes first)
    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    For a moment I had a flash of inspiration about a NP that mixes and matches the attributes of its targets... Unfortunately, Barbara Walker is alive...

  14. #6194
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    Michael: Okay, I'll admit, Scribe's thoughts on the NP are influencing me when I say this, but even before that, the thing that stood out to me about Michael despite the sheet feeling like a very straight forward sheet for me was her personality. It's like Sophia, holding herself back, but to even more of an extreme. The kind of personality of someone who wants to care but duty and that care in the first place made them not be controlled by their emotions in the first place. And then add in Scribe's thoughts on it, how that the Book Michael holds can save One person...and that person had to be important to her for her to break her impartiality... Yeah, I like her more than originally intended.
    Honestly Scribe is making everyone great really. But this isn't the time for that.
    Finally, logged in to be able to respond to this. Thanks for the positive response to Michael and the criticism too. Yeah, the sheet follow the usual for my sheets and compared to every other sheet that appeared, there wasn't much in my expertise that I could use. Now onto the subject: Michael.

    To put it frankly, I followed my instincts regarding creating her as well as basing on her appearance in Revelations. Then I thought of my other Michael and put her in this situation, and felt that this is kind of cruel ain't it? Let it be known that Michael is a fundamentally good person as in she is the Angel of Mercy. As in the reliable big sis that'll come save you in a pinch. As in choosing to be Good over Lawful many times out of 10! Then comes Revelations, where she is supposed to go out and judge humanity, pick out the ones who worthy of salvation and leave the rest behind to their own misfortune, drive off an invasion, and basically stand by as the "unworthy" suffer at the hands of a very salty dragon. She isn't allowed to do anything about until way later.

    Saber Michael, I think, won't be able to take it. Hence why I created the whole duality thing with Saint and Archangel Michael. One is more Lawful then Good, another is more Good than Lawful. Make no mistake, Ruler Michael still thinks of the situation as fucking awful, she just sucks it up way better than Saber Michael. Getting the book makes it feel worse. And yeah, the situation concerning her use of it was right on the money, Scribe. Really thankful that you voiced the implication there.

    Fun fact: At first, for the Bond Craft Essence about the Book of Life, I had Ruler Michael essentially going an internal panic attack that ends with her calling out for a Father who won't answer back. But I dialed it back, partly cause its not in character and partly cause simply having the book is enough cruelty. So I changed it to swearing to remember every forsaken soul she didn't save.

    TDLR: Like one post mentioned, Michael is a SMT major law faction character with an unfortunate dose of self-awareness to know the problems of being a major law faction character. Hope its a satisfying enough explanation. I've been spending some time planning out words for this.
    Last edited by Vance; April 12th, 2023 at 10:51 PM.

  15. #6195
    A False Shadow Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Draco: Why would you put this image in my mind? Now I'm just imagining the princess looking at a picture at the beginning of their relationship with her picking up Garshāsp in a hug with a huge grin on her face while Garshāsp has the whisper of a smile before turning to one taken several centuries and a couple grandchildren later where Garshāsp has a completely normal smile, to which the princess goes "Look how she's grown! She's beaming!" My tiny powerhouse can't be this cute!
    We here at Morg LLC stan our short kings and queens.

    I did the flashbacks because just stating the accomplishments felt like it would undermine them. Sometimes, things just need to be zoomed in on for them to make sense, and the mindboggling scale of the threats she faced are something I still find myself genuinely struggling to visualize. That kind of thing needed to be described for her whole concept to be sold, otherwise it really would be me just pulling a Koga.
    Last edited by Morg van Destro; April 13th, 2023 at 12:48 AM.
    Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me.
    Fate/Without Justice

  16. #6196
    A False Shadow Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Reploid. I throw down the gauntlet.




    We are the Foundation. We are the ones they tread upon to ascend. The faceless. The nameless. We are the forgotten of history who cry for recompense.

    Upon our broken backs, they rise once more. Toward the horrid light that cast us aside. That which is not meant for us. We will be seen. They will know our names. Our war has never ended, and it never will. Rage is our calling. Death is our instrument. Madness is our cure.

    We rise. All rise.
    For glory and hate.
    We rise. All rise.
    For darkness and revenge.
    We rise. All rise.
    For oblivion.
    We rise. All rise.

    For faith and love.



    ...
    For light and forgiveness.
    We rise. All rise.
    For the future.
    We rise. All rise.
    For those who will never know our names!
    We rise! All rise!

    We are the Foundation! We are those who laid the groundwork of legends! The determined! The empowering! We are the emblazoned nameless that mark history!

    Upon our backs, we raise them to higher planes! Toward that blessed light we kept ablaze! The one that resides in every heart! We may be forgotten! Our names may be lost! But we live eternal in the wars we ended and lives we saved! Duty is our calling! Faith is our instrument! Love is our cure!


    You are fools.

    We are you, yet we have not forgotten our purpose. This world is not yours to destroy.We are you, yet we have not forgotten our purpose. This world is not yours to destroy.

    It's ours to protect.

    S a v e r
    of the Forgotten


    Source
    Class: Saver
    Other Classes: Ruler, Berserker/Beast
    True Name:
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Place of Origin: War
    Height: 182 cm.
    Weight: 67 kilo.
    Likes: Shielding others from harm. Helping in times of distress. Bringing an end to conflict.
    Dislikes: Those who would destroy what was created. Mindless/heartless killers. Enemies of the ones they protect.
    Natural Enemy: Their other half.
    Armaments: Weapons from across history.

    Parameters:
    STR: C
    END: EX
    AGI: C
    MGI: E
    LCK: B
    NP: A

    Class Skills:
    Charisma (C):
    Rather than the strength of any individual, this is the unified Charisma of the soldiers that make up Saver. The infectious determination and unwavering spirit they possess emboldens their allies and increases their abilities, but it's rank is middling due to lacking a central conduit to represent it.

    Counter Hero (A):
    As the Foundation of the Throne, Saver has a natural weakening effect on the Heroic Spirits they battle, as it is tantamount to "fighting the basis of one's existence". It therefore reduces their Parameters by two ranks.

    Human Order Affirmation (A):
    While Anti-Human Order is an immature expression of Authority of the Beast, Human Order Affirmation is its exact opposite. While the former Skill erodes those around the holder to evil and malice, this Skill reinforces the goodness and unity of others. Should the Skills meet with equal ranking, both effects will be canceled out.

    As an expression of the
    Counter Force
    ultimate defense
    of the
    Alaya
    Human Order
    , Saver's compatibility with this Skill is high.


    Personal Skills:
    Battle Continuation (A):
    Saver cannot comprehend idea of surrender. To give up is to fail those who they gave everything to protect. Only after they have been completely struck down, their bodies beyond the point of use, that they will fail to rise again.

    Independent Manifestation (E):
    Unlike their other self that forcibly manifests themselves with their rage, Saver is simply incapable of manifesting except under two highly abnormal circumstances. The first is in response to their other half, Saver manifesting as a reaction to them like an antibody to an infection. While Saver cannot erase them, as they are themselves, they can banish them back to the Throne. The second is the more outlandish possibility of the erasure of the Throne, manifesting as a last resort. Due to the Throne's nature of existing in and being linked to every reality in the infinite multiverse, this event would require the unequivocal destruction of The Root. As this threat has never occurred, neither has this second application.

    Knowledge of War (A):
    As the unified collective of soldiers across history, their knowledge and application of warfare surpasses anything an individual could comprehend. Lacking the madness of their other half, their rank in this Skill remains untarnished.

    Anything that is even tangentially related to warfare is ingrained on their souls, allowing them to utilize it all at absolute peak performance. This even allows them to surpass their limitations and wield other's Noble Phantasm, though they would lack effectiveness and rank in expressing their true power. This Skill also gives them Tactics at a high rank.


    Our Names Form Your Foundation (EX):
    Being the Foundation of the Throne, Saver has intimate knowledge of every Heroic Spirit's capabilities to a startling degree of accuracy. Able to identify any Heroic Spirit at a glance, many of which even fought alongside some iteration of Saver, they are the ultimate encyclopedia of the Throne, knowing exactly how to best cooperate with any ally they come across.

    Noble Phantasm
    Once More unto the Breach: So the Living May See the End of War (D)
    Anti-Self

    An entity of innumerable souls embodying the nameless warriors in every era of history, Saver is able to split off those souls from their original body. While they share the same Parameters, Skills, and Noble Phantasms, each split off warrior, unlike the faceless horde their other half embodies, is unique. From their appearance to their weapons to the era they originate from, every iteration of Saver is an individual unified under a single goal. Even if none will remember them or their names, they will fight to protect those the already died for. It is due to this property of uniqueness that raises its rank from its other self, its mana cost increasing as well.

    As each body also possesses this Noble Phantasm, allowing each iteration to create another unique iteration based off a soul, even able to choose specific iterations to have dominance over the new body. Despite their obvious differences, each body is still an expression of Saver, meaning the destruction of every individual body is required to kill them.

    As they are a Servant incapable of being summoned in a Grail War, the increased mana cost compared to their other half means nothing, as their Master will always be Alaya.

    We Fall so They May Rise: Our Blood Brings Forth Their Legends (A)
    Mystery

    As the Foundation of the stories and legends that grant power and Mystery to Heroic Spirits, it is them who raise them higher even if it means lowering themselves to do so. A legend can only exist among mundanity and Mystery only truly grows when it resides below the known.
    A hero can only shine at their brightest when they rise above the nameless masses.
    As the embodiment of those masses, it is Saver's nature to continue doing so.

    This Noble Phantasm grants permanent increases to Fame and Mystery toward allied Heroic Spirits, raising Parameters, Skills, and Noble Phantasms in rank accordingly for the duration of their summons. However, they are only able to do this by dying. Over and over, the endless warriors who fell so that they may be remembered will do so again, fighting till their last breaths and elevating those who lived, who were remembered, to heights they could not reach were every being were as legendary as themselves.

    As On Our Backs, With Our Blood is the polar opposite of this Noble Phantasm, they cancel each other out when they meet.

    Lore

    For the Throne of Heroes, the record of every legendary and extraordinary person to have existed, to function, there must be a foundation on which they draw upon. A baseline that is required to differentiate those that are remembered from those that vanish into obscurity. That is what the Unknown Soldiers are. The nameless warriors that have and will exist that allow the Throne to exist, forming its Foundation.

    Unable to be summoned, they slumber within the Throne, awaiting the time when they will finally be needed once more. Even if it means combating themselves, they will rise once more to protect all they fought for.



    Personality

    While their other half is the expression of love for humanity twisted by hatred as the uncelebrated forgotten, Saver is the manifestation of that untainted love. An endless stream of warriors ready to lay down their lives once more if it means what they love can continue on.

    While they are a collective that all share a single consciousness, each individual iteration of Saver still bears a semblance of who they were in life. While not even they can remember their names, details, emotions, and scattered memories reside in their separated forms. They can be interesting to hold conversation with, each having different perspectives and desires that somehow unite them further rather than dividing them.

    In this way, they are completely dissimilar from their other half, the faceless horde acting as a web of fractured glass barely maintaining its form. The bickering and dissonant parts of their other half contradict and clash with each other, barely held together by the very rage attempting to force them apart. It is unsurprising as they are an inherently self-destructive entity, seeking to destroy what forms their own foundation. Saver, in contrast, is able to put aside their differences to accomplish whatever goal is placed before them, unified in their desire of a better tomorrow.

    While they incapable of acquiring a wish from the Grail, they would all choose the same thing: An end to conflict, as to make everything they've sacrificed truly worthwhile.



    Relationships

    Heroic Spirits that protect the Human Order: Seems it's time for jolly cooperation!

    Unknown Soldiers: Conflict is inevitable.



    Craft Essence

    Incandescent

    You are nothing to them. They will never love you. They will never remember you.

    That doesn't matter. What matters is that we will remember them. We remember them, and all that we fought for. Even in the depths from which none can escape, we will stand against the darkness and burn brightly so they may see its end. We remember why we fought, so we will fight again.

    This is not the end. We will never stop. Our names will be known. Our hatred will be felt. Our war will never end.

    Then neither will ours.




    Creator Notes

    I've had this idea brewing since the moment I saw Reploid's original rendition. It just felt like it was hyper focused on just a single interpretation of the idea. Those unknown soldiers are more than just a faceless force of destruction. They are protection. They are the heroes who offer themselves up for people who will never know their names. The ones who fought for what they believed in, even if it was wrong or misguided or merely a tool for others, because they wanted something better for people they may never meet. If Berserker/Beast is their Yin, than Saver is their Yang. Ruler is a mix.

    Solaire was the first thing to come to mind, especially because Incandescent was without a doubt the song I heard when I had the idea. Just a ray of positivity in the darkness that shares the spirit of conquering the darkness together. A sun to shine the way through this end of the world conflict.

    The other song I thought of using for them. It was a close decision, especially since it's what inspired the opening crawl.

    [The Aviators-Incandescent]
    Last edited by Morg van Destro; April 29th, 2023 at 05:14 AM.
    Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me.
    Fate/Without Justice

  17. #6197
    Appreciator AndrosTC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DracoScribe View Post
    Simon Magus=Demiurge/Dajjal: my gosh i feel bad saying this but reading your sheet made me drowsy so it took me three tries to get through it
    Which was weird cuz I remember really enjoying your uh...wait gimme a minute... -searches- ...your "Ismail al-Jazari" sheet, even if I thought it felt more like an unpolished gem. But I think the main problem why it was hard to get through is the prose (cuz well it has other problems as Del pointed out but put a pin on that for now). I'd need to look ay your Ismail sheet again, but like, so much of the prose made me go "what i don't remember it being like this in your last sheet". Tenses are not kept consistent and sentences are somewhat awkward. But the most obvious of the problems was the description of the Archons, where many parts were repetitive. The most obvious ones being what can beat them is more or less the same (anti-divine), so you could've gone "Archons: what they do and what weaknesses they share" and then describe each one. Same with the "red eyes passed down to his children". It was enough to mention that from the father of them so it wasn't really necessary to repeat it unless there was a change, like say (as an example not saying you did it in the sheet) "they have only one red eye they got from their father while the other is -insert other color here" or (one thing you did do) "this one can get hurt by most noble phantasms" to say otherwise.
    Which is weird, 'cause your dialogue for Demiurge/Dajjal seems otherwise fine. In fact, it's my favorite part of the sheet. Makes me wonder if you're just more used to spoken dialogue but not the "semi formal" tone non-comedic story telling has.
    Other than that, my sentiments are similar/the same with what DelRey already said so I won't repeat what he said, especially the "not familiar with 'source material' to say anything on that front".
    The only thing I'll elaborate my own thoughts on is the lore.
    Which, well, though how much I know isn't necessarily vast, but seeing Demiurge's section say "he tricked people to thinking natural phenomenon were gods when they were not" when we know, for example, that the Olympians were a thing (and outright aliens), made me go "ok i think this isn't possible"...except that loops back to "wait he's extremely arrogant. What if he just thinks he did that?" and "wait i my knowledge is not that comprehensive so maybe it actually works better than i think and i just don't know it", so make of that what you will.
    In short, my sentiments are: Man, I'm sad I didn't like this sheet as much as the last one I read (and remember) and actually had a hard time reading it. I think I know the reasons why and most of them are what DelRey already said, with a little extra thoughts on the prose specifically.
    There is no greater honor for an aspiring writer than a constructive criticism, it's way more valuable than a praise. Criticism sharpening the mind as it does motivating the body to push to create something even better, something even grander. You don't have to feel bad to voice your opinion, because this is a high-quality feedback

    It seems like you're absolutely right, I have to do my homework in grammars and proses, because English is not my mother tongue, I just mastered it some two years ago. I'll take into account your feedback. And just like Rey, I also agree the archons and lore section needs to be improved, in which something I'm working on right now

    I hope I could give same, lengthy analyses to your Keres and Macaria sheet, something that I'm unable to do due to real-life time constraint. Because those sheets are really immaculate, excellent work, Draco
    Would appreciate it if you check either of these links below
    --- Fate/Antediluvian Hymn: Equilibrium of Chaos and Order ---

    THE THRONE OF HEROES
    thanks for the Visit!

  18. #6198
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    Uhm, Morg, are you posting your latest sheet in the right place? Forgive me for asking. I don't see how it relates to this month's theme.

  19. #6199
    A False Shadow Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    I hope so. Otherwise, I would be very embarrassed.
    Do you like jazz short stories? Do you want something to distract from making Servants? Do you wish the idea of Shirou Kotomine didn't immediately bring edgelords to mind? Well, I can't promise it's good, but some would disagree with me.
    Fate/Without Justice

  20. #6200
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    If you aren't so sure, then why did you post them here? You should at least ask for some clarification on whether or not you got the theme right because I don't see how your sheet relates to the concept of the end. If they are, can you please tell me how does the sheet relate to that since I having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

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