Of course! And once again, well done sheet!Originally Posted by Dark Squirrel
Of course! And once again, well done sheet!
3 Points
Democritus by Dark Squirrel
QUESTIONER MENTIONED, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ANSWER??
Wow, just a banger. Scratches the itch of the fanclass prompt perfectly, utilizing both Binder and Questioner to their fullest extent.
Brilliant mechanics and framing, I enjoyed it very much
2 Points
Rāhula by NMR-3
A neat, clever sheet. A welcome short (comparatively) read
Great use of the Fanclass for the point of the sheet
1 Point
Roger Mortimer, 1st Earl of March by BnEl15
WRITE LESS!!!!!!!
Honorable mentions:
Pascal Plum II (I have extreme bias for characters who go fast)
Yamato Takeru (I like it when someone commits to a bit)
Stanley Kubrick (Genius is a powerful word and there's no reason to use it unless you're talking about the Kubrick than there's really nothing to it)
One Points: Democritus by Dark Squirrel
Solid as always. He didn't click for me as much as he clicked for some, but he's still an absolute blast of a sheet. This sheet really captures his attitude as much as it does his philosophy, and that's fun to see in a philosopher servant - who I feel the urge for a lot of the times is to emphasize the philosophy over all else. He's just a fun guy.
Two Points: Scepan Mali by Morg Van Destro
My front-runner for a long ass time. The story of the character just comes through exceptionally well. It's just good, and the conclusion of this sheet is damn near perfect
Three Points: Roger Mortimer by BnEl15
I'm only a little biased because I did art for this. I promise. Jokes aside, the writing here is damn strong, as it ever is. The choice of an explicitly tragic and "twisted" Lover is a fun way to play against the expectations of the class, and it doesn't feel forced or hackneyed. Also, I just like this prose a lot. Always a fun part of Bn sheets. Write more.
Comments then honourable mentions votes, I suppose.
Comments ; warning: wall of text
Well there you have my thoughts. Apologies if they sound harsh, or if there just is not much meat to them.
Honourable mentions
1 Point
Wilhelmina Harker
I was not kidding when I said I really liked her a lot.
2 Points
Rāhula
Neither was I when I said I thought this was a really strong sheet. I dunno, I just find it absolutely charming.
3 Points
Roger Mortimer
How shocking. How unexpected. How surprising. Take your win, BnEl, it is entirely deserved! I think what really sold me on him is that he never really goes "woe is me" and laments over his fate. He is just too dead inside for that. But it does get rid of most of the angst, ironically.
Last edited by Dark Squirrel; Yesterday at 05:44 PM.
Petri's arbitrary limit
On DD, the body horror is a big part of the whole sheet, I'm glad you mentioned it. The visuals of her in a fight would be pretty disturbing.
Morg's delightful Servant comp.
IN COLOR
Honorable Mentions:
Chimpky nungets(Salt Pillar)
Madame de Montespan (Saron)
Isukiri Christ(MuramasaMachII)
Queen Amina (Vididii)
1 Point: Šćepan Mali (Morg van Destro)
sighs
slowly unzips pants
2 Points: Pascal Plum II(Vulturion)
I adore her. She's just a goober who really likes being fast and likes doing 'nyooooooom' things. 10/10 would pat her head and give her candy for faster nyooms.
3 Points: Stanley Kubrick (Eto Bleh} (BnEl15)
Funny fella is funny and I can't help but love both the fact that you got two(ish) sheets in here and the fact that after so long, you've finally written the third of the wholesome sheets I'd managed to scam out of you over a year ago
(Time to get even more wholesome sheets out to further ruin your rep as an angst writer-)
Discord: FactorySmoke#1076
Natural Enemy: Tsuruya Nanboku IV
What if I told you that clicking this would take you to my Servant Comp?
Knowing where the faceclaim is from helps a lot with visualising the body horror parts, happily (or sadly, depending how you look at it). I just wonder if she throws them out of her womb or just grows them from her skin. Or something else entirely.
Petri's arbitrary limit
is chimpken fated to end up like benadril cucumbersnatch?
Any part of her skin, and the mass of the offspring doesn't need to match the mass of DD.
You're gonna see her entire body ripple like tar as something large peels out of her.
Morg's delightful Servant comp.
IN COLOR
Pellegrino Maria Ernetti: I saw God’s face. He was a spiral.Step back in time, one week previous, when comedy reigned and our desires were simple. See the words of the past, and know them for their truth.
He’s pretty alright, but I thought the whole thing with Strange was they were supposed to have more personal Skills to compensate for a lack of class ones. I will say him essentially being a reverse Cassandra is a fun idea. Also, Hali is getting her hands on that visor. She’ll poke until there’s no choice.
Kaarina Maununtytär: Used maria but no yuri smh
I will get it out up front that character wise, this is a good sheet. I think her personality is well communicated in her story and the requisite sections. Now, the rest of it. For one, Object of Desire is not supposed to be a substitute for Charisma, and it gaining a similar effect alone misses the point. Charisma is a Skill of leadership by force of personality. Object of Desire is a self-explanatory enough that you described it, so what was the thought process here? Next, the reasoning for Witchcraft is dumb, but the kind I can see FGO doing. The real problem are the two other Skills.
Why in the world is Soothe Madness EX? If she stopped multiple crazy people in the midst of a war, then I’d understand, but because she swayed him from a few executions and attacking random staff, she somehow gains this Skill at an immeasurable level? And why the world is Princess of Grace not only gained from something as applicable to many other figures, but also an invincible no-no square? It makes no sense, and both are extremely wanked for this kind of figure without proper justification for such a high level.
And this all culminated in her NP, not just on the power scale thing, but also on the thing I’ve been ignoring, that being the FGO stats given. To put it simply, she quite honestly does not deserve this NP. Not just for the effects, not just because for some reason you didn’t just commit to it being A rank which, for everything it does, it should be, not only because its justification is paper thin reasoning for why she should have something so strong, but also because she is just broken and unbalanced in an FGO context with all the things you’ve listed as effects.
I want to like this one, and from purely the character, I enjoy her, but the entire Servant aspect of her just feels like overblown nonsense. This really was a figure who needed the power scale pulled way back, and that would’ve been okay. There’s interesting things to do with a weaker Servant, which she really should have been. This was just not it.
Wilhelmina Harker: A Mina that isn’t just a vampire hunter? What fresh madness?
Another simple Vance sheet with a lot of heart, as is his want. Not too much to say. I think she’s good. Nice to see one that doesn’t become female Van Helsing.
Democritus: Best gif in the sheet:
The man just has charisma that carries you through the sheet. I do think Battle Continuation is too high for what it’s taken from, but other than that, the rest of the Skills and NP are great. I do think he’s a lot more Questioner than Binder to the point he probably should’ve just been the former, but I understand the reasoning behind it even if I’m not completely sold. Honestly, Democritus himself is what ties this whole sheet together. His abilities are solid enough, but the personality elevates them that little bit extra.
Roger Mortimer:Makes a simp manipulated by a g3 (gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss).
I guess this really was the last of his edge. He didn’t even leave him as a weeping heap on the ground. Drained from his body, the edge must find a new host.
Mr. macrologia strikes again. It’s a Bn sheet though. We all knew what we were getting into. Unending teasing out of the way, it’s good. Tired, sad man stringed along by the woman he loves to the detriment of himself and those around him comes through well. Making him a Lover so he’s defined by that relationship for extra sadness points makes sense since you’re really trying to convince yourself you aren’t going soft. We also love power dissolving abilities like the NP here at Morg LLC, and weaponizing what got him killed and doing it to others is a pretty cold reversal on his part for a second NP. All in all, a good sheet. Can’t wait for the next to be sunshine and rainbows.
Rāhula: All I can think about is that NP where he essentially asks his dad to shoot him.
Simple, to the point, and good. This is one of those ones I’d actually ask for a little more from him, but what we have isn’t bad (yes, I do think "I wish there was more" is an actual bad thing). Thumbs up.
Vesture: ”I have made a femboy, please clap.”
This isn’t it, fam. It’s a victim of never committing to its own bit. You make a crossdressing class, which I already think is an idea a bit too silly, but then you don’t keep it going. The only crossdressing parts are the two Class Skills and the lore’s mention of why he’s so androgynous in Fate. The rest just feels like a submission of a Caster version of Takeru. The joke is almost immediately discarded and has no real impact on the sheet or the character. I could give actual critique on the skills and such, but there doesn’t really seem like a point.
Jure Brunestud: ”I have made a vampire femboy, please clap.”
The concept is extremely goofy, the basis is ridiculous, you already got roasted for World Corrosive Will, and you only hate 1984 because it doesn’t have a happy ending. +L+ratio+why is Territory Creation a Funny Vamp Skill?
Waiting for the finale eagerly.
Pascal Plum II: Launches itself but isn’t a Launcher, I can’t believe this.
I stay by that it should’ve been Launcher, but other than that, it’s pretty fun. Manhole cover thrown into the stratosphere. Also a Murphy’s law field is kinda fun. A decent sheet, but I kinda wish I didn’t need to do a little work to figure out the identity, plus additional details on the character itself, because the relationships and CE can only convey so much.
Gunther:
I do not like this sheet at all, not just because I’m literally the biggest Faker stan in the forum, but that's definitely a hefty part. We’re skipping over the fact that, even in the lore you provide, the logic for why he’s a Faker genuinely doesn’t make sense with the biggest note being that he straight never pretended to be Siegfried. Also ignoring that he is literally 95% OC with the 5% percent being that he did technically exist, because he at least has that over the only canon Faker. We’re gonna talk about how the justification is just a Pretender origin, but you used the wrong Class. That using his dad’s cloak and that’s why he has the Spirit Origin is the same as saying anyone that uses something a famous guy used a lot should be able to do the same (not to mention raising his Strength for no reason?). Faker makes no sense for this man as a Class, and all the things in the sheet that supposedly contribute are lacking and handwavey, because having basically nothing on him, I’m sorry to tell you, is not a justification for the “body double/multiple identities class”, and it didn’t need to be this way. You know a fanclass that would’ve been perfect for literal junk data like him? Random’s Stranger, and I’m not even a fan of Stranger, but it would’ve made more sense. You’d hardly even need to change any characterization, could expand more on who he is and how he feels (which I think needed more), and feed Random’s neurons some activation.
You tried. I personally think you failed. Other people liked it. I might’ve if I didn’t dislike basically everything to do with Faker in it. CE was good, and I did think the personal Skills were decent, though I’m not sure he should’ve had Inborn Dragon. Not even his dad had Mana Burst, so it’s weird his son would. Why wouldn’t he instead have a weaker version of Armor of Fafnir as a Skill, since that was all he got from the dragon? Just seems like a Skill born of a misunderstanding of what Siegfried got from being bathed in dragon blood.
Brothers Grimm: Surely, it won’t take another half year for the next entry, right?
Librarian of Knowledge mention, dang. Who’s thought about that Skill in any capacity? There’s something also inherently goofy about categorizing German in Philology just so they could feasibly have a higher rank in it. Also, had I made Artemisia for the muse thing, I would’ve also used Clio, so that was disappointing to realize, getting the idea from reading your sheet. We even would’ve had similar things for the NP. I do wish there were personality and lore sections so we could get a deeper look not only into them, but their relationship with Clio. I think this could’ve been pretty great if those were in there. As is, it just has a neat idea that needs more information and details.
I vote later. Sleep time.
Morg's delightful Servant comp.
IN COLOR
Did you cleanly skip reviewing my Vasily? Obviously you can do what you want, but it's kind of funny when all the others got commentary.
Last edited by RoydGolden; Yesterday at 11:37 AM.
Finally some good critique.
Well I do want explain few things.
1. OoD/Charisma thing was inspired how finns back then loved her and claimed her as their Queen. Thus "Love" = "Queendom"="Charisma of Royalty".
2. If Lancelot gets power to turn anything he holds into NP because he once smacked a dude with a branch, then even rumors abour witchcraft are valid reason for skill.
3. When it comes to Sooth the Madness rank, I simple thought "skill negates a skill with equal or lower rank". And I wanted to have dialogue with Berserkers who has ME Ex. That is all there is to for it's rank. Maybe it could be rank B otherwise.
4. The two other "Princess of X" skills give servant invulnerability, thus is has that effect. The Cudes represents her imprisoment and how she was never physically hurt. The ability share the protection but chnace to fail to do so is a play how she could not protect her son. But yes maybe rank B- would be enough.
5. Well blame Topelius for this. Originally NP was just Charisma + Imperial Privilede, but after reading his Our Land book I made a connection between Kaarina, Maiden of Finland and Water spirits. What really powers her up is the phantom Maiden and the spirit of Lake Roine. I originally thought to make the connection more obvious but I then I thought the transformation into an elf and mention the she looked like Maiden of Finland would make someone think there is something weird is going on here. On overpowered effect: I don't play FGO so I onlyhave shaky idea what is strong or weak :P As for rank - The NP is rank A for Finnish servant only and B for every one else.
Ultimately, made her strong because I think after all Kaarina went through, her Servant self should be strong.
Thanks for review!
I just still think it shouldn't qualify, even if Sutaa gsve the okay on spirit. I can if you want.
Morg's delightful Servant comp.
IN COLOR
I can see, but they're different enough that you could just argue she has both and give it to her on its own, like I did once with Wu.
Yeah, that's why even in the review I gave it a pass. Some of that yummy TM logic.
I'd actually say C. I'd also give David C for soothing Saul so much with his harp. Higher ones feel like they should have a much bigger achievement for it.
I've looked at the 3 Princess Skills we have in canon, 2 of which are parodies for swimsuits, and none of which give protection. They actually act like a different version of OoD, so I have no clue what you're drawing from. I still think it's a bit too strong and a bit too out there as a Skill for her.
I definitely thought somethig was weird, because if you had explained that, I would still think it's too strong, but I could've understood the vision you were trying to give. If you haven't noticed, we here in the TM fandom love over explaining things and are incapable of reading. You can make allusions and the like, but you do that with the expectation that some people, maybe a lot, will not pick up on them at all. Also, why even put FGO stats in if you don't even play it? Further, I don't play it either, but even I could see how ridiculously unbalanced mechanically she is. Invincibility and 100% heal for everyone for 3 turns is meta breaking, not to mention all the other effects.
Morg's delightful Servant comp.
IN COLOR
Yes, you are right, rank C (with some plusses) would be right.
I was actually refering what those skill do in game. Ultimately I wanted a skill that referenced her imprisoment. What kind skill would you use?
Maybe one day I will make a more restrained version that foreshadows connection to Maiden of Finland and Lake Spirit. A Caster Kaarina perhaps?
For now I just claim her NP is OP because of POWER OF LOVE <3 :P
Honestly, I'd been debating at the start between making Pascal either a Launcher or a Gunner, but based on what I understood about the former and the few sheets I could find for them, it seemed like they were full on laser beam stuff, so didn't feel it'd make as much sense for them despite the name. Happy you thought they were fun though. And yeah! They do kind of have a murphy's law type of ability, even if it's twisted somewhat to be a more positive effect.
Honestly I'm just pretty happy overall with Pascal's showing so far in the votes. 3 pointer, 2 pointer, and two honorable mentions. Much above than I'd been expecting, hah.
Regarding their identity, sorry again that it ended up not exactly clear. That had been somewhat of an active choice on my end when making the sheet, cause I thought the bit of mystery until it's fully explained at the start of their Noble Phantasm would be fun. Checking back at the NP name(s) honestly, I'm realizing I kind of messed up with the parentheses with them. Pascal B(uster) / Pascal B(urning) would've made more sense, since it's referencing the name of the nuclear bomb/test that launched them, Pascal B.
I am feeling that with future characters I do, I'll probably try using more...straightforward? formats for them, or well, at least ones which I can put more details in about them.
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