Cassandra
Cassandra is a wonderful ow-the-edge type Servant. What I like most about her I think, is that her hatred of Apollo and the future makes sense and is, to some degree understandable. In the same vein, her making partners with the big snek makes just as much sense. I'm ultimately a sucker for "Character loves X thing so much, they'd rather destroy X thing than see it come to harm" kinds of characters, so I really liked this one.
Also, it reminded me of
this song for sun-fighting related reasons.
Sophia
I really like the concept of making her an administrator to the Counter Force, writers cleverly implementing already existing Fate lore into their sheets will always be something I find cool and this one certainly does it well. From her description I also kind of get the image that she's just as much bubbly and human as she is cold and more like a computer or a system, which is something that seems really, really cool to me.
Malcolm Muggeridge
I have a soft spot for cynical bastards with hope tucked away somewhere deep in their philosophical doomsaying. This one is no different, it's a wonderful character that has been given a very good sheet to go along with it, the Noble Phantasm definitely being the high point of the sheet, the imagery it invites to imagine is just wonderful in a very morbid way. Lastly, and I don't know if it was necessarily intentional but Bifrons spreading through Muggeridge like a kind of rot - the very thing he's fighting so vehemently against is perfect poetic irony to me. Wonderfully done.
Parikshit
I've only had this himbo for a day and a half but if something happened to him I'd kill everyone in this thread and then myself. I really like this guy for the hopeful message he so wholeheartedly protrays even if its so straight forward it smashes head first into the next wall. Very well done.
The Keres
I really like the way Draco structures her sheets and presents her Servants and these ones are a fun version of the archetypal crazy killer who gets thrills out of it and nothing else, with the slight twist that there's a whole bunch of them. The one thing I'll say "bothered" me, is that as far as I know the Keres themselves couldn't actually kill anything, instead being portents of a violent death and feasting on the corpse after. I really wish that part of them was incorporated into the sheet more, I think it would have made for an even more intruiging spin on the character.
Laevateinn
Look! A baby! Just a little guy! A miniscule lad! A teenie fella! A... oh, now people are burning.
I too cannot resist this wonderful swordperson. The most well-done thing in this sheet is, I think, by far the personality of the character. Making a character who is basically a child but also a world-endingly powerful weapon and very aware of it feels like a kind of odd choice, but one that certainly works and that was fleshed out very well through the quotes in the sheet.
L. Ron Hubbard
This guy is commenting on his own sheet as its being written... I don't hate it, the opposite in fact. Which I find somewhat surprising. I really like the sheet, it portrays the sleazy, non-sensical stupidity of Scientology rather well I think - Although I'd be remiss not to mention that I'm disappointed that no joke was found in the sheet about him starting the religion over a bet made in a bar. The one piece of advice I'd give is to echo WF point about "I Win" buttons as NPs. They do sadly become a bit samey from time to time - This one could have been much more explicitly implied to not actually exist at all and in reality just be a fabrication by his Affirmation and that alone would have elevated the sheet a
lot.
Michael
This is, by all means a fine sheet. But, in perfect honesty, I feel like it's a bit of a nothing-burger. I'm not an expert in modern religion, especially not Christianity, Judaism and Islam but as far as I know Michael is present in
all of those three with different characterisations in each one. Even the idea of emotionless judge seems kind of unexplored. Maybe Michael is actually out of a job and doesn't know what to do because the J-Man took all sins of humankind? Maybe Michael is the kind of judge that judges people on things they haven't done yet but will do later? That's always a fun moral quandry. I just feel like more could have been done here.
Macaria
I said it with The Keres, but again, I am very in love with the way Draco constructs her sheets and presents her Servants and this one is not an exception. I always held the belief that Macaria, the daughter of Heracles and Macaria the daughter of Hades were probably two separate figures that were later conflated. The reconcilliation between the two characters given in the sheet is very satisfactory though, and creates a much better overarching story than if the daughter of Heracles was just dropped, so well done on that. Overall, I'm honestly impressed how much mileage you got out of two mythological characters that are kind of unimportant. A really, really well done job.
Wow. I went that entire thing without making a comment about the nostalgia pop that happened when I saw Shanoa.
Garshāsp
You know when I read about this character like a year ago the prospect of murdering a dragon because it interrupted a dinner seemed much more humerous.
I don't honestly know what to say about this sheet that hasn't already been said. I do agree with your assessment that it may even undersell Garshāsp's mythological power. The idea of presenting Garshāsp as a perpetually disappointed and somewhat emotionally stunted woman would never have occured to me, but it does work rather well. If I had to complain about something it's that I kind of wish there was a nine day time limit somewhere on her sheet - Maybe in the Gandarəβa skill - because that's how long she could fight that monster before needing to take a nap. Really stellar work.
Katsuie Matsukara
So, to be quite honest, I really don't like this one. His skills and NPs are all so short I can take guesses at what they do at best and have no idea at worst, I can't tell if there is any reason why he's turned into a tokusatsu character or what his connection with the pheonix is, and I have no idea what his deal with Amakusa Shiro is. Everything remains unexplained and as a chronic over-explainer that feels really unsatisfying. And I
really want to like this sheet, because the presentation of it is straight up fire - pun intended - and the concept of turning a historical figure into a tokusatsu character is really cool. I just desperately wish that there was more to this sheet.
Simon Magus/Demiurge
I have yet to be able to replicate the sound of utter confusion I produced when I finished reading this sheet the first time.
Overall, though I hate to be so negative, my main impression was that it was a bit of a mess and hard to understand, especially if you don't know anything about gnosticism like I do. The identity twist feels a bit cheap, because I have no idea who Simon Magus is and how he relates to Demiurge and the sheet doesn't really answer that so it ends up feeling like one of those FGO Foreigners that got paired up with an Outer Entity seemingly at random. I want to say that I love the presentation and structure because it's great in theory, the images used add a lot but their sheer size makes the sheet almost impossible to parse at times and only added to my growing confusion. That said, there definitely are signs of greatness here. A diamond in the rough, if you will.
Eris
I genuinely struggled a bit trying to write something here. I think I've settled on liking the sheet but to be quite honest I cannot quite put my finger on why. This sheet doesn't feel like a Servant, it feels like a rough description of a concept that attained consciousness but still lacks a particularly destinct sense of self. It doesn't feel like the other sheets that are concepts perfonified, it feels a little "less" than that, as in less personified and that works in the sheets favour... somehow. Honestly this sheet just gives me a nosebleed, though I don't hate it. It also kind of feels like an apathetic anime villain, I could definitely see the finall boss of a Singularity being strife itself and that just gets a few bonus points from me there.
Jarir Ibn Abdullah Al Bajali
I think between Dyson Sphere and Tower of Babel it shouldn't come as a surprise that I have a soft spot for slightly less than whole people trying really hard to figure out how to human properly. Turning a person that was presumably important into essentially a mindless drone for the MoonCell is genuis. The character feels kind of hollowed out - like his importance and personality have been scooped out like a pumpkin, which is kind of what happens to a historically significant person when only their name remains, a hollow shell of something bigger. I'll assume that that is intended, even if it may just be me going too far off the deep end. Really good work on this one!
Unknown Soliders
I've already said my piece on this one. It's a laser focused, for lack of a better term, character assassination and it's wonderful. Just like Baron Magnus' Mary Celeste a few contests back, I'm always happy when my delirious 2 am writing can spark inspiration for someone else.
Artabanus II
This is a Rider whose NP is actually a mount. I fear this Servant.
Jokes aside, taking a horseman of the apocalypse - Which, despite their importance kind of offer nothing in terms of character - and tacking that together with a historical figure is really cool and very well executed here. The sheet is really well written and the skills feel very fitting. My only criticism would be with the Noble Phantasms, at least to me they seem a bit "meh" for being the NPs of a horseman of the apocalypse. The second NP is by far the most compelling while the others seem a bit generic (Although I suppose that may have been the point?). Especially her final NP feels a little bit like a let down. To paraphrase advice given to me by Del, if you're making a god or a godlike figure - Which I'd argue the horsemen are to some degree - then go for the throat, shoot high, make them feel like a proper apocalypse on legs.
Alice in Wonderland
Bless Draco for the list of Servants because I did
not see this sheet when it was posted.
So, general consensus seems to be that this is a really good sheet which must mean that I have missed a memo because, frankly, I don't get it. Maybe I'm a little too small brain, or maybe not being familiar with Alice in Wonderland beyond Disney's rendition as well as having no idea about the type-moon series google told me the Archelot clan comes from means I
can't get this sheet on a fundamental level.
To be clear, I don't think this sheet is bad or anything Random is an exceedingly good writer and that alone carries this sheet to greatness and the formatting is, as always, absolute eye candy in those aspects Random is probably one of my favourite sheet writers on this site. Having said that, I find the character itself rather convoluted. Mixing Alice Liddell with the character based on her seems reasonable, the connection with the Clock Tower is cool. I still don't quite understand Anti-Servants, but most of all I don't understand why she is an Anti-Servant to begin with or what that means for the character. I also really have no idea where the Jack the Ripper connection came from or why its relevant, perhaps I missed something here. Those last few things kind of muddle what would otherwise be a very, very good sheet for me, like they're the final two cooks that spoil the meal.
Again, all of this may well be because my brain lacks enough wrinkles.
Louhi
It's somewhat sad that the author of this sheet seems to already have left.
Truth be told my biggest issue with this sheet is the fact that the NP isn't actually in the section titled "NP", but that's because I'm aggressively German and therefore crave absolute order in all things.
I'd say this is a solid sheet for a first, I find it somewhat sad that the class skills are left without description. A small piece of advice you may find helpful: General rule of thumb for me is that if I can't write at least two sentences about a skill in my sheets that skill isn't fit for the character and should be scratched from it. It's kind of a way to force myself not to force abilities and concepts onto a character that don't fit on that character. The Noble Phantasm is actually quite really neat, the visual imagery conjured up by a witch taking the entire planet prisoner is the epitome of wonderful anime bollocks. For a first sheet it's done rather well I think.
Simon Bar Kokhba
Ah! Ow, the edge. My favourite drug! There really isn't anything bad that I could say against this sheet, it's very solidly written and proficiently executed. The NPs are both really cool and creative, his second NP turning his name literal is just a little out of left field, but not as out of left field as Excalibur becoming a laser sword, and it has the laser sword beaten in sheer theatricality so to me it's a fitting enough, cool as all hell NP. My only complaint, really, is that I wish his personality shone through just a teensie bit more throughout the sheet because it's interesting but kept a bit to sparse in my opinion.
Barbara Newhall Follett
mha hart, mah sole. I think this sheet was destined to be a tear jerker at conception and damn does it succeed at that. I have absolutely no criticism for this sheet. It's a perfect encapsulation of the very sad story of Barbara Newhall Follett, which isn't diluted at all by the anime-fication that goes alongside turning a person into a Servant, the skills are spot on and the NP - although I find it a little humerous that in the context of an actual HGW it's basically an "I lose" button - evokes some beautiful imagery. Spectacularly done, bravo.
Mistilteinn
Quick Q: If Mistilteinn's Camouflage isn't actually Camouflage but him wearing someone else as a skin suit, does that mean after the reveal we left Höđr's corpse lying somewhere to rot? Poor Höđr man, that guy just cannot catch a break.
I really like this sheet, Mistilteinn feels a little like a kid trying their very best to come across as a villain and failing despite having
all the tools necessary to be a genuine monster. His body snatching is extra creepy, as are the visuals provided by the sheet. My only criticsm would be that he doesn't really feel like a Faker, because his Camouflage isn't Camouflage, I think maybe Assassin could have worked well? Though I'm just nitpicking at this point.
The Beatles
So, truth be told, I don't have much to say about this sheet. It's as a whole inoffensive - Pun intended. I have a
lot of thoughts about the NP, most of which don't belong in this thread, so I'll just say that it's alright. I concur with Vidi, Hubbard was a much stronger sheet.
Elisabetha ○ Kupalnitsa
I really like the Hevelii sheets, somewhat by obligation because it was the Gatekeeper in the series from which's sheet I copied basically my entire formatting, and the iddy biddy Hevelius is no different.
My biggest gripe with the Pretender class is usually that it's often a bit unclear why the two figures are connected and that, really, is my biggest complaint about this sheet, though I can make guesses connecting an astronomer and a deity associated with the night sky is already a relatively natural move, if you put a gun to my chest I probably wouldn't be able to nail down a concrete answer. Although, given much of the other criticism I've been giving, perhaps this really is just a me-problem. Other than that the sheet is really good, Del is a regular master class at atmospheric sheets that manage to tell a good character story in an engaging manner and this sheet does just that as well beautifully.
Sajāḥ bint al-Ḥārith & Maslama ibn Ḥabīb
"The Arch-Liar" has to be one of the most metal titles anyone has ever received.
I don't really have any meaningful criticism for this sheet. My biggest complaint, really, is that the Arch-Liar skill pulls others toward Chaotic Evil, yet they're Neutral Good which feels a bit odd but this is by no means something that devalues the quality of the sheet at all. The characters of both of them are brought across very well, the historical context of them both is presented in a pretty easily digestable manner and their Noble Phantasm is wonderfully picturesque and fitting. Overall, very well done.
Prince Charming
This sheet is an automatic 0/10 because you chose Marth as the image but didn't put "Together we ride" as the accompanying music. For shame!
To give actually serious criticism, the main thing I dislike is that this feels less like one Servant and more like Prince Charming and Prince Charming's Beast alter that were put into one sheet. Besides their concept of course being similar, they feel like two entirely disconnected characters to me and I think the twist would have been a fair bit more impactful if that wasn't the case. It kind of makes one feel like you could just skip the first part of the sheet because the
real sheet only starts after the twist. Having said all that, this sheet is still a very well written Servant and the twist, despite my criticsm of it, is still very intruiging, I think. All the skills feel fitting even if they occasionally bleed over into one another, and the final NP is truly wonderful. It feels like someone forcefully slamming the metaphorical book closed, slaping their knees and saying "Welp, story's over." and I think it fits this character wonderfully.
Virochana=Vairocana
I think it's really cool that you mashed the two aspects of the character together as opposed to only having one manifest with the other being a possible Alter, as would be Fate tradition. I also find it really cool that despite their contradictory nature the two halves aren't actually hostile toward eachother, at least not openly, but just passively exist alongside one another. The sheet really clearly keeps the two halves separate through the colours you chose for them, the skills and NPs are all really cool and I love that through their colours it's kind of shown which NPs and which Skills "belong" to who. Very well done sheet.
Helen of Troy
The only complaint I have about this sheet is that I don't quite follow the logic behind making her a Pretender, especially since she doesn't even have Camouflage. Besides that, this is a really neat sheet I think. I also really like her NP that exalts everyone to heroic status and then puts them in a position where they're exposed to her beauty to set up for Trojan War 3.
Cain
This isn't a Servant, this is an FFXIV Tank. He literally generates Enmity!
It's really easy to write Cain as an Assassin or Berserker and lean really, really heavily into him being the first murderer. I haven't looked but I'd guess that if I did I would be able to find at least a handful of sheets that lean into this. Truth be told, when I saw the name "Cain" in the list of Servants that's what I expected and maybe because of that this Servant is really impressive to me, focussing not on him as the first murderer and instead on the person that emerged from the punishments he endured because of it. Also, giving him access to things like Civilization Creation to cast him more as a builder than a destroyer is similarly great. Plus, I'm always a sucker for Watchers and their "I'm not the Servant, you are." schtick. Very well done.
Emily Dickinson
I'm not sure if I should open this with an Evanescence or with a fourth wall joke...
This one was a ride. I don't think I've yet had a sheet directly address the reader like this one does, playing with the idea of characters and the power of words while somehow still very well embodying a real historical person. The sheet is wonderfully composed and written sheet that is intriguing in a way that is difficult for me to actually describe properly. Likely because the sheet directly speaks to the reader some of the words have an effect I would call deeply "nahegehend" which I cannot translate in any satisfying way. So:
"Nahegehend" can be translated to English as "moving," "touching," or "profound." It is an adjective that is commonly used to describe something that evokes strong emotions or deep thoughts, often in a personal or intimate way. It can be used to describe a wide range of things, such as a touching story, a powerful work of art, or a meaningful conversation.
Curse the simplicity of the English language. Sadly I missed the voting deadline, though if I hadn't, then this would have been my winner by a country mile.
Nicholas and Perenelle Famel
As Pine said himself, they feel a little more like a concept than a sheet. That said, they're still, as Pine hoped, intriguing. Beyond everything they're a very enjoyable read and one that, maybe a bit oddly feels so chock full of good ideas and concepts that after reading it through the first time, I immediately turned around to read it a second time just because I hadn't fully absorbed everything. This is a good thing. Beyond the stellar writing, the sheet is eye candy in the exact opposite way that Del's and Random's sheets are, it's understated and very atmospheric in its presentation. Absolutely stellar work.
Heraclius=Armilus
This man has both an army summon and "sword"-beam attack as his Noble Phantasms, as far as I'm concerned he must be the strongest Servant there is.
As for the sheet, I had no idea of the existence of this guy, but the sheet does a rather good job of painting the picture of who he is and then translating it into campy anime bollocks. He comes off very much as the final Dark Souls end boss waiting for you when the apocalypse happens, which is very much the point of the sheet so well done there. I don't really have anything more to say about this sheet other than it is very solid and does pretty much exactly what it is supposed to. I could criticise that he is a little one dimensional as a big almost videogame like end boss, then again that is the point. Well done sheet, clap on the back there.
Apep
This is going to sound somewhat condescending, but, if you scratch the part about not knowing the figure beforehand, I could pretty much repeat what I said about Heraclius=Armilus here. It's a big power sneksnek video game end boss and it does what it is supposed to fairly well with fitting skills, fitting quotes and good choices for visuals. I don't have any major complaints for the sheet, besides, again, that it seems a little flat, though that is, once again, somewhat the point. Overall I'd say it's still a job well done.
__________
Should anyone be curious who I would have voted for it would have been:
1 Point - Barbara Newhall Follett
2 Points - Macaria
3 Points - Emily Dickinson
I desparately wanted to put Unknown Soldiers on there to make a joke about nepotism, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
I am sorry Morg, I hath failed thee.
Originally Posted by DesReploid
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