Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

[kiwi]

I mean, full speed ahead to ya Kiwi, but just so you know, the end date is Tuesday.

that better be true...

[BnEl15]

Beware of time zone differences. I know you probably won't be the first or the last to get screwed over by it

[TQG Imaginatorious]

So anything about my sheet? I sound desperate here but this radio silence is freaking me out Reminds me of the time I posted Sobek...

[DelRey]

I have yet to read it because its a hefty sheet with a lot of text. Others received no comments yet either. Thats how it goes sometimes. And its still relatively recent. Just wait and hope others who comment on all entries have something to say.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

So I do sound desperate. Sorry, it's just my first sheet here in a place described as "quality over quantity" and one I've spent forever making so a bit anxious.

[pinetree]

I'll make sure to comment on it when I get around to reading these latest final entries.

[DelRey]

Commenting is a thankless job, so appreciate it when you get some and dw if dont get them.

Thx pine btw for yours. Glad you liked my couple. I used all cheat codes to appeal to you, lol

[jishara]

So anything about my sheet? I sound desperate here but this radio silence is freaking me out Reminds me of the time I posted Sobek...

I really liked your idea i especially liked that first NP. I also liked the interaction between the two sisters.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

Thank you jishara. Glad at least someone liked the dialogues.

[Vididii]

"SINUKUAN": Yo this is really fucking cool- had no idea about the legend, but growing up catholic had me learning about some similar stuff- You've got some really clean workings with the skills and NP, and I really enjoy how you used the aspect of an altered legend. When people bring in rumors, perceptions, all that into a servant, I just find it really neat. Also, Kudos for the Kojiro Comparison, that's a really succinct way of explaining it.

Sir Arthur Charles Clarke: THIS GOES HARD AS HELL DUDE! You already know I love space shit, but this? This is choice. The way you carefully sifted and selected through his stories and the concepts he brought, in order to to truly possess the spirit of that techno-futurism? Fantastic. An EASY frontrunner for me, I'm sorry I can't say more.

Player: This servant brings joy. But seriously, I love the skill composition, and I love the way you pulled in the Christmas Truce for an NP. Dunno if there's any other Player servants out there, but this is some primo shit.

Daniel Steibelt: I was gonna make a Salieri comparison stemming from the visuals and jaded musician angle, but that's a fucking disservice to what you've created here. I adore the concept of him being the sound of the forgotten, I think the skills are well-composed, and that NP? Oh that's the good shit right there. I love that as a composer, his more powerful NP is formulated into something that needs to transition into. A masterpiece isn't something that you can just whip out, it requires building, a proper goddamn leadup. Good shit mate.

Catherine Morland: Aww, what a delightful little goober- I hope she doesn't have to use that second NP, you've made me feel bad that her fantasy is just that. Still, a fantastic tweak on classical Madness Enhancement, I love the touch with the luck stat, that's the kind of thing that leads to truely magnificent scenarios in the reality of a HGW. Superb job.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: THE FUCKIN LADS- Watchers are really interesting to me, especially those that follow the SF route and lead to the creation of a hero in their master. These guys don't disappoint. A simple, comedic premise is something I really enjoy, so nice jobe with them overall. Extra points for the Ingo & Emmet concept art FC.

The Two Sisters: I kneel before Gottleib, the way you imprinted that certain degree of cheeky shittery onto her? Best Girl energy right there. Wilfred herself is wonderful as well, I like the lustful malice expressed when speaking of dragonslaying.
Love the dynamic the two of them have, and extra praise to separating their skills by color, signifying where they're sourced. I like that they have different ranks for the same skill on some, I think that's something more duo servants should have. Great NP's as well- honestly, a weird comparison, but the combat dynamic they have reminds me of Neo Destroyman from No More Heroes 2. I'm really fond of this sheet, you've made something really good here.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

Cheeky shittery... Not quite what I expected people to see Gottlieb as when I wrote her but alright. Glad you liked them.

[DelRey]

"How strange the world I live in is. A candle-lit ocean is a sad scene.
But if I were not alone..."



< ─ ⪻ ─ ⋘ ─ ⪡ - ⫷ ─ ┤├ ─ ⫸ ─ ⪢ ─ ⋙ ─ ⪼ ─ >< ─ ⪻ ─ ⋘ ─ ⪡ ─ ⫷ ─ ┤├ ─ ⫸ ─ ⪢ ─ ⋙ ─ ⪼ ─ >

"...it would be quite beautiful."
~ ♬ ~
╼_B_I_N_D_E_R_╾
「 Fettered Candle in the Waves of Doubt 」

= St. Jane Frances de Chantal =

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Class	Binder
Alternative Classes	-
True Name	Jane Frances de Chantal
Aliases	Salesian Mother
Origin	France, Historical Fact
Height/Weight	160cm/54kg
Alignment	Lawful Good
Attribute	Human

STR	END	AGI	MAN	LCK
E	D	D	B	C

Likes	swimming, helping, believing
Dislikes	her doubts, mental illnesses, her legs
Talent	faith, caring, house management
Natural Enemy	St. Clement I
Armament	chains, candles
Catalyst	imitation of her meditation method

Binder always wears longs dresses, because she is embarrassed of her muscular legs. She also gets flustered when she notices that, despite her own philosophy, she holds long monologues.

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══════════╣ I ╠══════════

First Ascension

"Ah, it is you. I saw your face in my dream. Surely, God has a plan for us. Come, take my hand and we pray. Together, we will make sure to alleviate the sufferings of the downtrodden. Let us strengthen their faith. Even if you are weak and old, emaciated and tired, your prayers and acts of kindness shine as brightly as anyone else’s. Let us show them that they matter. Nothing is worse than feeling forgotten and isolated. Let us teach them that if they feel like no one listens, they shall cry out even louder. If they are driven out of one door, they go back in through another. Please, do not leave them and me alone in this. I trust you with all my heart. Come, we have much to do."

Her tragic life made her doubt her faith. Dark thoughts after losing two precious children after birth, an insurmountable pool of darkness after the death of her husband, drowning in sadness seeing her grown daughter succumb to illness, and considering giving up after her soul mate left this desperate world.
Yet, she held onto God, clinging to her faith like a piece of wood in a vast ocean. To combat the demons in her soul, she meditated each night. A dream of floating in the ocean. She would let go of her worries like buoys and watch them drift toward the horizon. But they are still shackled to her body. So the worries would return each morning. Her only hope was that God would accept one of them and tear apart the chains that bind the negative thoughts to her soul. This "Letting-Go Meditation" would help countless women after her. As a Binder, the doubts and debuffs she suffers from become her weapons.

Binding and Fettering D+
Forged chains. Binder establishes a network of connections with her as a focal point.
Attacks from Binder create tethers that drain Magical Energy and lower Parameters from the opponent, which are then distributed among her allies. The higher the rank, the more Parameter can be stolen, the higher the duration and range of these tethers.

Her metaphorical chains - worries. Each doubt and negative thought is represented with one chain that carries a candle at its end. She is a Binder that relies on allies in combat. She searches for others who doubt and supports them. When she holds their hands in prayer, a new chain is forged between them. Her attacks siphon Mana and Strength, which is distributed among her sisters. But each whip reveals the mental sufferings of her enemy. Binder can not help to empathize with them, strengthening her attacks further.

Trust and Doubt B
Binder questioned her faith and wrestled with dark thoughts all her life. Unconquerable darkness covered her soul but the light of faith shone brightly regardless. With grace and humility, she dedicated herself to her religious work and took the advice of her soul mate at heart. She trusted God would take her worries away until her dying breath.
A variation of Protection of Faith. Mental Interferences are converted into chains she uses as weapons and physical harm is endured with a solemn smile. Especially resistant against those who demand trust in them, like Royalty or Divine Spirits, or a certain pope...


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═════════╣ II ╠═════════

Second Ascension

"What is trust? What is doubt? Is it not trust, when you can openly question their actions? Does he doubt me and punishes me with misfortune? Or does he trust me that I can endure this trial? I do not know. And I should not worry about it, I know. God is good and every path he sets us on leads to our union with Him. Be it through deserts or oceans, we should persevere. Brooding over everything only leads to bitterness that holds our way forward, it becomes our own cross we bear. Stop swimming in the ocean of torment, and you will drown. So one shall never give up. Never, because then all is lost.
Once, a sister called me her candle in the night. It gave me strength. For her, I continued. For them all. What would become of them when they lose their guiding light? They would plunge into the same darkness as I did. How could I wish that upon another soul? I can not let them endure this. One candle can light a thousand more. Together, we can traverse even the darkest of times."

Despite all the mental anguish she suffered from, living all her life in a spring of shadows, trying to cloud her belief like the storms the grace of the sun, she persevered.
How could she be this strong?
Trust. She trusted in God. She may have questioned him many times, may even curse him in the morning when none of her worries drifted into his hands, but she would not abandon her faith. And at least once, she received a message. Francis de Salis, another devout man of faith, came into her life. Both dreamt of each other before ever meeting. By God's hands, she found her soul mate. He became her light, a guide through the darkness of her own mind. She devouted herself to his teachings, a trust fall into an unknown sea. And it helped her. Now, she wishes to continue his legacy and bring peace of mind to the lost souls.
In their conversations, she entrusted him her wish to live a life as a nun. But it was not yet time, for she had duties after the death of her husband concerning the household and her family. Years later they would build the Visitation Order.

Independent Action D-
Binder wished to live her life like the Holy Mary. A free spirit that held on to tradition and fulfilled her duties in her own way. Her Order tried to travel and help the sick and poor wherever they went. Still, she believed to "love obedience, not fear disobedience", and for her Order to receive the necessary bull of the pope, they had to agree to stay cloistered, so her rank remains low.
She also depended heavily on her soul mate. A male Master will take on his role, lowering the rank further.

Mother of the Visitation C
Her role as the Mother of the religious Order of Visitation of the Holy Mary. The congregation was named after "The Visitation" in which Mary, pregnant with Jesus, visited Elizabeth, pregnant with John the Baptist.
The Order had a novel approach and invited the old and weak women into it, who would be too delicate for the austerities required to perform in other congregations. During the plague, they would treat the patients without fear. The women became known for their humility and gentleness.
The skill grants her a Charisma targetted at women, who revere her as a religious paragon and motherly figure, and denotes her talents to lead a small congregation.


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════════╣ III ╠════════

Third Ascension

"It was prayers that kept me afloat. Some said my method of praying is...strange. They found it too short. I think it was still too long. See the angels chanting in the presence of God. ”Holy. Holy.” is their prayer. How so? Because it is enough. God needs no long speeches. God knows all, and God knows you. Why recite a prayer that does not come from your own heart? It is like pretending you are more or less than you actually are. You have to pray sincerely, confidently, lovingly and simply in your own way of speaking as your heart dictates. In that way, holding on to your faith in times of suffering is, in itself, a very powerful and long prayer before God. The less you say to him and the clearer your intention, the more time you have to listen to him and be filled by his light. That way, you can accomplish more than—Huh? Eh? I am rambling again? Oh no, you are right. Ah, I still have much to learn. What is the saying? Do as I say, and not as I do?"


Together they became the Supreme Mother and Father of the religious Order of the Visitation of the Holy Mary. A congregation of the forgotten women who wished to serve God, but could not endure the harsh regimen and strict fastening. Despite living in darkness, she became a guiding light for many other women who suffered hardships. She embraced and united the women abandoned by their own faith.
Like the light of a candle seems like a shadow when held into the sun, so does a dim shadow shine brightly in an abyss. Every time she thought to ascend to the surface, another tragedy dragged her down. But she never stopped struggling, believing that God may take away her burdens. Surely, tomorrow the weight of her worries will be lifted, just a bit. She is sure of it.
But then Francis de Salis died. Who could guide her now? Without her sun, how could she know where the surface beckons? Steadfast, she held onto her beliefs and his teachings. She held out so long, why give up now? She traveled during the Black Plague. She saw death many times, she knew what might happen if she stayed too close.
But she does not fear her own suffering. With a comforting smile, she treated the ones forsaken to die alone and held their hands while they drifted away.
Ah. They would be accepted into his embrace. Will her doubts one day too? Will she be accepted despite her sealed away thoughts?
We do not know. But she continued her work until she died at the ripe age of sixty-nine.
Until the end, she endured with grace and piety. Her Order grew across France and after her passing all over Europe and the rest of the world. She would become a Saint of the Forgotten and the women who suffered losses, but also a paragon for those who doubt their faith. Several miracles were confirmed after praying to her, especially when performing her meditation. She became a beacon of hope for those who felt lost.

Jane Frances de Chantal died with a smile while performing her meditation. Why? Were her worries finally accepted? Was she invited into Heaven?
We just know that the next morning, there was no shore where the buoys could return to.

Patronness of the Forgotten B
A blessing bestowed upon her at the very end. A halo of light adorns her head, which emanates a
Saintly, almost Divine Aura. Upon closer inspection, it is a glowing chain representing her biggest worry - her doubt in God.
She became the patron saint of those who have lost a loved one. Binder consoles the widows, the mothers of lost children, women in painful labor, and the forgotten. She accepts their pain as her own and promises to not forget their existence.
For her, they are mothers bound in their losses, who wish to ascend from the abyss.

Lâcher prise

God, Accept my Drifting Doubts

"Come, dear child. Let us pray your worries away"

Binder takes the target's hands and folds them in prayer. Both close their eyes with a smile. When they open their eyes, they stand in her inner dream world.
A silent world of grey, tranquil but sad. A dark-clouded sky tints the ocean below in a dark color. A gentle sea breeze caresses
their skins as if it wishes to comfort them. Binder leads them from the shady shore deeper into the water, always holding their hand while guiding them.

"This is deep enough. Here, relax."

She takes the target and gently lets them drift on the water. She holds them like a loving mother who bathes her child for the first time.

"Close your eyes and let go. I am here, I will not let you drown."

Around their body emerge several candle-lit lanterns, bringing light, color, and warmth into the isolated sea. The breeze carries them over the horizon. With a content smile, they wake up.

"You did well, child. Let us hope that God will accept your worries and break you free from your inner burdens."

A complete cleanse of any detriments on their mind or body and a temporary immunity to new applications. But only for a short while. After a few turns, they will return. With a luck check, some of them are either cleansed completely or are accepted by Binder herself. This manifests as the chains connecting the target and Binder's stomach retracting towards them. Each lantern returns one of their debuffs.
For a lowered cost, Binder can perform the Noble Phantasm on herself. The lanterns will return even earlier but it is necessary for her wellbeing. And everyone else's.


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══════════╣ IV ╠══════════

Final Ascension

"Sometimes, I feel like I am drowning...
But I will continue to hold on. God set me on a path that leads through this valley of tears. I can only expect sorrow and little consolation. I preach humility, because compared to His Everything, we are nothing. But does this not feel both comforting and frightening at the same time? I feel protected and helpless, knowing that. But we should be content with our powerless shells. By His grace, we are allowed bliss and torment. How can we not be happy that such an overwhelming existence only knows endless gentleness? So for him I will swim through the ocean of doubts and fight the demons tormenting me. Perhaps if I suffered enough…I will finally reach Him.”

But after your meditation together, you feel something...off.
Her gaze hides demons, other than what she described from her life.
Binder's motherly attitude is strange, her touch a bit too strong or as if she is shaking from pain.
The chain she forged with you does not feel like just your personal connection. You feel a rumbling from it, a vibration, a swinging as if dancing in the tides.
Her wish to rid her followers of any pain concerning, almost as if it is a forbidden pleasure for her to suffer in their stead.
Her piousness is genuine, but also somewhat familiar...



"Ah. So she has returned. Beautiful, come now. Break through the surface. Embrace the depths, do not resist the sweet waters of the Sacred Mother!"

Ah. Of course. That's what it was.

In her last meditation, she saw all the worries she accumulated in her long life drift away as lanterns in the dark sea. She followed them, because it is finally her time.
But she stopped when ripples in the waters swept against her. There was despair in the tides and a breeze of pleadings in the air. The dark sky opens and revealed a bleeding moon, no it was something different.
From the billows rose dark tentacles, each grabbing one of her worries, tearing apart the chains that would guide them back. The slimy limbs rise to the heavens and let them float through the air. As if the sky was just a puddle of water, the lanterns landed there, drifting towards the red hole in the sky.
Gently, a new tentacle came to her and reached for her hand. It offered her…what did it offer? Guidance? Salvation? Life?
It did not matter, they graciously accepted all her shadows.
Jane grabbed it with both hands.

"Thank you, whoever you are."

Regrettable. Another pious Saint who fell for the Outer--

"But no. I can not follow you. It is not you who I pray to."

She let go of the extremity from the depths and walked past it, wading deeper into the water. From her body, new chains connected to the lanterns materialize and carry her worries with her into the afterlife.

"Let go, Saint Jane. The Endless Womb of the Depths beckons. You both wish to help these lost children. She accepts it all, all your pains and doubts."

Jane was contacted by Mother Hydra, a fellow Outer God of Father Dagon. A fertility goddess of abyssal waters, a womb mentioned and forgotten. The pathway to our world was opened, but it is nothing more than a keyhole. A name only mentioned together with Dagon but left unexplored. Obscure. Insignificant. Discarded. Only a mate, a bride, queen and mother in name only. With no stories to exploit, with no imagination to use, she could only try to reach out and hope to convince someone enough to let her free.
Yet, she was declined by the woman that only knew to suffer. When her soul reemerged from the ocean to fulfill her duty as a Heroic Spirit, the Bleeding Womb clung to her, making Binder manifest as a Double Summon Foreigner.

"Accept her. Grant her access to our waters. Together you can bring about the true Visitation! You can be a mother again, Jane. You believed in the Holy Mary and lived by her example. Now you can be just like her. You can birth a new Messiah and save these lost souls! Become her womb, become more than you are."

"O sunken Pope, it is not what we want. I have become exactly what God set out for me. I filled the vessel he has given me. Wanting more is hubris, filling it more would mean to burst the body he has gifted me. It would be like renouncing him, I will not do it. And she? Her goal is not what you describe. She wants to flee from her prison. Her motivation is different from your Father's. Even now I can feel her thrashing inside me, like the kicking of an unborn child. But as much as I wish to help her, just like any lost soul, I can not allow her to enter this world. What God wishes me to do is to persevere. I fought against the darkness my whole life. I will resist her wish and offer her condolences. She tries to sway me and bring me peace of mind, but I will not worship a demon like you. I can not trust her."

"They are one, my dear. Father and Mother. We too. Parents wish to look over their children. The Father leads, the Mother embraces. Children need both to thrive. It is a universal truth. Her womb shall embrace this world and her amniotic fluids return us all to the depths where he lies and waits. You of all people can not deny a mother this honest wish. Your doubts were justified, to hold onto faith too. Jane, we both believe in the same God, we just were too foolish to understand during life. You trust and doubt, but who do you trust and what do you doubt?

"I..."

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══════════╣ V ╠══════════

Corrupted Final Ascension

"Do you wish to drown in my embrace, Master? I wish to embrace the whole earth and bring them the grace of God. Ah...but is there world enough for me?"

...

"No. I...
I remember. An Evil found is half healed. I can not drown. The candle…needs to stay afloat. For them.”

Existence Outside the Domain B
Binder had direct contact with an Outer Goddess inside her dreams, but thanks to her piousness and her doubts, she was able to kindly reject the Demon's offer. Still, she was tainted by the act of kindness she offered them and a sliver of her suffering was made hers, establishing a connection which strengthens her standing as a Heroic Spirit.

Double Summon B
Binder is in part a Foreigner Servant. Her Faith and Doubt skill allows her to resist the foreign influence. But if her suffering becomes too great, she subconsciously uses parts of The Womb's power. Her halo takes on a fleshy texture. Same with the chains she forged with her sisters. Like umbilical chords, they connect to her womb and siphon all their worries away. They are then accepted as offerings for the goddess. There is the danger that she might be reborn as something else, as a womb from the depth.
And there is an even bigger danger that she might birth a messiah of the abyss, born from the inner sins of humanity.

Lâcher prise

God, Accept my Drifting Doubts

Again, Binder takes the target's hands and pulls them into her inner dream. When they open their eyes, they see a red moon eclipsing. A ripple shows that it was merely the reflection in a still, red-tinted ocean. They look up and see her walking ahead. Together they wade deeper through the silent world. From afar, they can hear the sound of droplets dripping into water.
Ah. That is no moon...it is a bleeding orifice in the sky.
Binder stops and turns around.

"Come."

But she does not take your hands. From below the scarlet billows rise several fleshy tentacles, gently grabbing you and placing you on the surface. You feel like in your mother's embrace and the waters around lights up. More tentacles rise, each carrying a lantern up into the red clouds above. Each slowly drifts toward the strange strange moon.

This variant is more effective than the regular one, because more detriments are cleansed from the target. When or if they return depends on when Binder regains her senses. In other words, when Double Summon's effect ends.


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═════════╣ Craft Essence ╠═════════
Craft Essence

Light of a Candle



"I am the unworthy Saint.
The woman who drifts inside the ocean of tears. The same tears I never allowed myself to shed.
With shadows in my soul, I tried to bring light to the world.
I tried to set fire to them and show God my devotion.
But His answer was to return the flame each morning. My worries light my path.
It does not matter if we suffer or enjoy. God is good, as long His Divine Will is fulfilled. I am not ready yet, I suppose.
He has a plan for me. It may bring me torment, but it is for the better. And once I accomplished his plan, I am freed of my burdens.
Right?
Ah...there they are. The light on the horizon. They are back.
A new day of worship begins."


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═════════╣ Notes ╠═════════Notes:
My plan was to make some kind of almost wholesome Foreigner. See how that turned out. I thought about making her a Gatekeeper first, but it didnt click. Then I found Makima and all her stunning art and had to make her a Binder because to me it just worked better than other classes. Cant wait for Chainsaw Man and the new wave of badass art for her. Perhaps a rework or an alternative version is in order then.
Jane was also quite contradictory in some ways, I hope I could bring that across. She is really a Servant born from the wish to depict the aesthetic her meditation evoked. Using Mother Hydra as an Outer God checked her of my list without coming up a whole lot of OC background for her, because she was literallly mentioned only once despite her importance as a sea deity on the same level of Cthulhu and Dagon.

Here a picture that inspired this sheet:

[pinetree]

TQG, my dude, I wrote a comment on your Alter-Ego but it's like super long and it's a lot of criticism. Not the kind of comment I'd usually post in the contest.
I'll post it if you actually want me to, though.

Anyway, I also wrote about Legendary's Arthur C. Clarke:

Spoiler:

Starting the post with a illegible sheet that's just bait to read a short story is a bold move, and it worked for the most part. I think you could've done better with AZAZEL's dialogue there because he doesn't really match what one would expect of the concept, but it was interesting.

The problem comes when you follow up with a massive explanation of Clarke's other classes. Simply put, they're not relevant and shouldn't be there. There's enough going on in this one sheet that information about his other forms could be shortened greatly or omitted entirely without losing much. Having the reader go through so much adjacent info before getting to the actual sheet is not nice.
Now this is not me criticizing the concept themselves, because the idea of basing his classes on the different laws is amazing, it simply didn't belong here (specially since a lot of the information here could've been conveyed through his skill).


Putting the introduction aside, the sheet does a fine job at translating him into a technology singularity foreigner. It's not the first time the theme has been tackled in this contest and the previous one is one of my favorite fan servants, so I might be biased here when I say it's a great concept and a great read.


"...a world of terrifying harmony, as within it every scientific apocalypse exists simultaneously as features of the natural landscape" left an impression on me. I had to mention it.


The addition of the uncorrupted sheet at the end feels superfluous though. It doesn't really add anything since it's just the less interesting version of the sheet I just read with a lot of repetition throughout. I understand it's just an extra tacked on at the end, but it wasn't a nice way to end a post that lacked brevity to begin with. Your notes on the development were much more fun to read.

[Legendary Hero of the Chain]

Eh, thanks Pine. Honestly, I'm actually happy with the criticism you gave. Lot of the things you pointed out where things I was iffy on, so nice to see it wasn't me just being a bit overly critical. Thanks for the prompt for this one, since I don't think I'd ever have made this sheet without it. Sad I couldn't get the second one right, but I'm just happy my first go at this didn't crash and burn. And yeah, the uncorrupted sheet was a tad extra, just... wrote the whole thing out and didn't just want it to sit in the word doc, and I wasn't ever going to use it as it's own things cause of those exact same problem of a lot of similarities.

Overall, thanks. Now, time to actually comment on everything I didn't already... and re-read everything to choose where my points go.

[Vididii]

St. Jane Frances de Chantal: I was prepared for some freaky, evil shit as soon as I saw the Makima faceclaim, but then- it wasn't, and I'm incredibly satisfied with the result. I think you've succeeded in your attempt for a wholesome foreigner here- through the sage personality so clearly wrought upon the text, through the wonderful combination of serene language and imagery- it just works. At least in my mind, in terms of a conveyed vibe, this very well may be one of the strongest in the contest. Additionally- really like her rationalization of her foreigner pact, how she sees it as simply another duty to carry and seal it within her.
Excellent shit mate.

[TQG Imaginatorious]

Yes please! Feel free to pose it

[pinetree]

So, I gotta start off talking about the introduction to the sheet. The initial info section just doesn’t look or read well. Three different colors representing one, or the other, or both characters, with additional modifiers on top, and character commentary, and conditional changes denoted by parentheses, and links to image references… Anyway. It’s just too much, especially because most of it isn’t relevant. I enjoy the general template of Servant sheets and I think there’s enough restriction there that it often inspires you to find creative ways to use those templates in favor of one’s storytelling and make up for the lack of an actual story Servants would usually feature in.
That said, Titles, Alignment, Place of Origin, etc is still just a bunch of basic information that doesn’t really affect the character in any way (unless you make it affect them), and immediately dedicating so much space and editing effort to it boggles down the reading experience. And the fault here really is with the editing. Information could be summarized, font could be smaller, sections could be organized in tables to minimize the space used, etc. That’s all before tackling the actual writing there.
I know I’m starting off saying a lot about a section I myself called unimportant, but I think the first impression of a sheet and the visual of the post are important enough to warrant pointing out.

Anyway, moving onto the skills. I like the selection of Class Skills, but being the FGO-format hater that I am, I still think it could’ve been improved. I see no reason to mention Riding here if it’s already being represented by a personal skill, I’d expect this if it was regular knight class, but it’s not like Alter-Ego have specific Class Skills you have to deal with one way or another. High-Servant's description is too specific, there’s no need to mention how each component affects them mechanically here when you could mention it briefly in the description of each skill instead. (Also Core of the Goddess is a personal skill fgooooo)

Personal skills are fine, but six of them is just too much. Four should be the max for 99% of Servants. Having so many of them, in addition to the Class Skill list (which is bloated as should be expected of Alter-Egos nowadays) just makes me question the decision to make them a High-Servant at all. It comes off as a decision made purely for powerlevel purposes, which I don’t appreciate.
I know you’re fusing two characters here, and that the skills have root in each of them before being influenced by the divine components, but just adding all of their skills into one sheet isn’t the solution to depicting two people as one Servant.

I’ll echo the “powers for powerlevel’s sake” in regards to the Noble Phantasms. The idea of using the different pelts sown together to turn into a chimaera is super cool, specially with added caveat that it is only really useful on one of them due to their story. That is already a solid concept and I don’t see a reason to shove Agrius Metamorphosis into it when it’s not even something that comes from Artemis at all! It’s just giving a sense of importance and power that feels undeserved when it has no character relevance or functional influence. It’s not even justified by the divine components you decided on.

Most of this can be applied to the second NP too. Why upgrade it? A cure-all is already a solid concept and I don’t see how upgrading it with Fraught Hades benefits the sheet narratively or functionally. You’re not adding a new interesting ability, it’s just making theirs better.

About the lore… I hate to say it’s simply too much. When you, as the writer, gives warning to the length in the middle of the sheet, then I think there’s something wrong there.
See, length by itself isn’t a problem. I’ve read longer sheets, I can take a mid-sheet fanfic. The problems are adjacent to it.
First of all, it’s bloated. There’s too much superfluous information that just boggles down the reading, even if I can see why you included some of it, but...

(alongside some dirt at the bottom according to her)

This, for example. I understand that you added it here to give her some personality I think. It’s a funny image that she not only drank from the holy pond, but actually swallowed mud alongside it. It makes the whole ordeal a bit more interesting.
But we’re already 5 paragraphs into an interlude that hasn’t justified its presence yet. There’s no dialogue or narration to add real personality to their story and give you the opportunity to endear us to the two. It’s just row after row of straight descriptions. That parenthesis could’ve been a dialogue intersection in which she told us about it in her voice, or her sister says it and she complains about her ruining the epic feeling of her adventure. Anything to break up the pace and keep the reader interested.
A mostly original narrative that’s seemingly unconnected to the actual sheet or legend needs to keep the reader interested to justify interrupting your post like this. Settling into a rhythm of similarly written descriptions divided into similarly sized paragraphs telling a singularly paced story makes it monotonous.
I trust you understand this because you even do it later on, but only once and without breaking the paragraph!

I’ll be honest, I started skimming it halfway through because I simply didn’t see the point. Why extend this lore section so much for a retelling of their life that changes it drastically, while also not adding much either? The end results are basically the same. I assume your intention was to make this fairy tale into an actual epic to justify their existences as Heroic Spirits while also making them into tragic characters, but I don’t see the necessity of the first part, and the second could be achieved with just changing the end and saying resurrection isn’t possible. It would’ve been a cool twist that changes the dynamic of the story due to pre-established rules of the Fate setting.
The idea remains but is lost amid the wall of text.

I like the personalities you outlined in the following section, and I think you translated them well enough into their quotes over the rest of the sheet. I also enjoy them a lot due to another Type-Moon work, but I assume you haven’t read Tsukihime, or I think a lot more would’ve been borrowed here.

That's pretty much it, I won't comment on the final scene since I didn't connect to the characters and I by time I got there, I was honestly tired of them.

[asterism42]

Ars Contest Runner - The time of voting has come, he is the one who says submissions are now closed

[DelRey]

Ars Quality of Life Post

The place of gathering has been determined, he is the one who compiled the brave souls

Watcher - James J. Kilroy by BnEl15
Assassin - Extinction by jishara
"Berserker" - William Henry Harrison by RoydGolden
Pretender - Backerhexe Mutter by Vance
Rider - Snow Queen's Tale by Baron Magnus

Voyager - CCCP by Drangle
Rider - Arion by Wyvern
MoonCancer - Hachiko-Xolotl by WhiteFrenzy
Shielder - O-O-O (Ozone layer) by sutaa
Archer - Michelangelo by Nuclear

Lancer - Hassan of the Blessed Fist by Vididii
Caster - Epicurus Alter by RoydGolden
"Assassin" - "Lady Mondegreen" by jishara
Rider/Assassin - Tom Thumb by Vance
Binder - Elisabetha&Johannes Hevelius by DelRey

Berserker - Unknown Soldiers by DesReploid
Caster - Bai Suzhen by Baron Magnus
Caster - "Sinukuan" by Stormbringer207
Foreigner - Arthur Charles Clarke by Legendary Hero of the Chain
Player - English Game by sutaa

Avenger - Daniel Steibelt by Morg van Destro
Berserker - Catherine Morland by NailsInYourFeet
Watcher - Rosencrantz & Guildenstern by NailsInYourFeet
Alter Ego - Gottlieb & Wilfried by TQG Imaginatorious
Binder - St. Jane Frances de Chantal by DelRey

[Kamera]

damn, i really had no chance of making it this time. My schedule is way too packed lol

I though the prompt was right up my alley, but none of my current project fits apparently, and trying to modify them to fit the prompt feels unsatisfactory. Anyways, i was trying to come up with a Fairy Knight Mordred or something like that; maybe some day...

In any case, these submissions sure are really interesting and quite out of the norms, as expected from the prompt. Probably the most "unconventional" bunch so far.