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Thread: Monthly Create-A-Servant Contest

  1. #2561
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Behemoth: Nice start into the contest. His character seems weird, but he cant be anything but like this due to his descriptions. If I had made him, i probably wouldve given him Riding and Animal Communication, because it just makes sense imo, especially looking at the Roar skill.
    And please do Leviathan as well. Meltryllis consists of Leviathan, Artemis and Sarasvati, 2/3 are already walking around in Chaldea, so complete the triangle of beasts plsss

    Penn: Duude, like wtf did you do. I love this concept and the presentation. I was up for a wholesome Servant, perhaps similar to my Twinkle Stars Servant. Then the dark faceclaims and foreboding a dark horror story Servant and then just...idk, white haired Johnny Depp or something. Really creative. Sometimes the weirdest ideas are the most interesting ones.

    Skelesaurus: badass. Just reminds me of the Superman quote from Justice League "You won't allow me to live. You won't allow me to die. What do you want from me?" or something along those lines. Really good.

    Laplace's Demon: I love this smug bastard. I thought th same, that he is the closest to a "Grand Watcher" just because he is the best known that actually fits that role. Great Watcher sheet, BnEl. You always amaze me.

    Kayano-hime: Ah yes, the classic. "not my native language" and presents us with a perfectly fine text. Welcome. I am a fan of her first NP. In a grail war that sure is pretty annoying to deal with. Her whole kit is the opposite what Assassins are supposed to be, but it still works great. The whole concept of a Kami degrading into a yokai is something i did a while ago and was fun to do. If i do such a Servant again, I will remember yours. Really good job, I like your style and I hope to see more sheets from you in the future.

    Unsinkable Sam: Ahh Frenzy. as you can see on the other reactions, you were born for our little project. I am angry at myself that i knew it was him before reading your sheet because i scrolled through the threat looking for questions few days ago and ruined my big POGGERS moment. I am happy it was you who did this little thing. Unless I find another interesting cat in history i perhaps one day do him as well. Still, beautiful as the sheet is, I am still a bit confused where the connection with the INS is, did i miss something? Or is it part of the upcoming NP description?
    Anyways 10/10 would pet her at sunrise until I die from my sudden cat allergy (despite growing up with cats. two years without cats and suddenly i am allergic. Fuck biology)

    Iceberg: Ice, Ice, Baby. Nice sheet, nice timing. I would like to see other Primate Murder Functions now. I think it is an interesting concept. Fire Function Pompeii perhaps?

    Echo: cool interpretation of the two, good job

    First Lady: i was so confused when i read it is about "First Lady" like Edison, but just with the powers of all first ladies?! I have no clue about the Kaleid part of Fates and i am currently not really interested in exploring them, but good to know of their true origin. And of course she counts for the prompt.

    Jeez i need a break before I continue.
    Allright ready after doing what i am supposed to do.

    Lucifer: I dig that. The logic behind Lucifer is something i can agree with. Making him misunderstood is much more interesting than the bland evil guy he is depicted as.
    And seeing how you finished him so quick after telling me you needed a deadline to finish it, despite it being so far of, shows me that that internal barrier of finishing your sheets seems brittle. I hope you start a next entry and taste blood. That way perhaps you continue to post Servants more regularly.
    Your way of writing is really good and i admire it. I wish to see more.

    Michael: When I read the class i was ready to tell you that someone like Michael could never become a Grand, but then you slapped in the great concept behind them. I like the interpretation of their use in the Nasuverse a lot. But Your choice of angels is questionable tbh. I used read a bit into angels as well, but never heard of Raziel and Ithuriel. Azrael is not one i usually see mentioned as Archangel, but he is significant in the Nasuverse with our only Grand Assassin so that makes sense. I usually see Jophiel(Wisdom) and Zadkiel(Freedom) in that role, who could actually fit Lancer and Caster in that regard somewhat. But the other 3 archangels are a mess, so anyways. I like this sheet. And I like the timing as well.


    Overall, so far I am pleased with how many already participated! And to see something so human going on here, despite the theme of the contest. The connections between each entry are wholesome to look at and I love to see more of it. Acknowledging the works of others in your own "canon" is something I consider a big honor and connects all the stories we try to weave here.
    But at the same time I am disappointed chat.
    Where
    like what the hell where
    Is my Easter Bunny Servant with playboy girl faceclaim or something.
    smh my head. Kappa
    Behold!
    My Stuff!

  2. #2562
    A.K.A. Rick, apparently realcasually's Avatar
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    OH and before I get into my reviews of everyone else so far, I realise I forgot to address this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    I do, given its status, Angel Chassis would be a lower rank, but that's not really important.
    I GENUINELY considered that, but I decided to keep it EX and give it the (False) tag instead because his chassis has been altered from its original state. Is it downgraded from its original rank? Of course, but there are more beneficial changes too. He's in possession of the FIRST proper "fallen angel chassis" in existence, so the skill remains 'incomparable' at EX.

    Also from the same post fuck yeah Digimon they make great FCs.

    That's going to be me shutting up about him now, narcissist that I am I've derailed this enough. I'm touched so many people like him though! Thank you all for your kind words. I might whip up a second entry if I have the time later, we'll see. And as I said, feedback incoming, and it is all good.

  3. #2563
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Behemoth: Nice start into the contest. His character seems weird, but he cant be anything but like this due to his descriptions. If I had made him, i probably wouldve given him Riding and Animal Communication, because it just makes sense imo, especially looking at the Roar skill.
    And please do Leviathan as well. Meltryllis consists of Leviathan, Artemis and Sarasvati, 2/3 are already walking around in Chaldea, so complete the triangle of beasts plsss
    Thanks, I'll actually consider doing Leviathan after reading this. Maybe there's still room for an interesting take...

  4. #2564
    吸血鬼 Vampire BnEl15's Avatar
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    Where
    like what the hell where
    Is my Easter Bunny Servant with playboy girl faceclaim or something.
    smh my head. Kappa
    I would unironically love an Easter/April Fools mashup joke Servant in the main CaS thread. Even better if they turn out to be some obscure Pagan deity who pulled a Quetz/Kintoki or something like that. I live for the sake of bad jokes like that, dammit.
    Last edited by BnEl15; April 6th, 2021 at 03:21 PM.
    Feel free to look at my Servant sheets here (Now 100% fixed and viewable)

  5. #2565
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    ooooh hoho
    BnEl15, you dont know what you have just unleashed in me. I am stuck with a Foreigner for a while now. Time to take a short break after finishing some major stepping stones and make something fun.
    Behold!
    My Stuff!

  6. #2566
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Frigix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Kayano-hime: Ah yes, the classic. "not my native language" and presents us with a perfectly fine text. Welcome. I am a fan of her first NP. In a grail war that sure is pretty annoying to deal with. Her whole kit is the opposite what Assassins are supposed to be, but it still works great. The whole concept of a Kami degrading into a yokai is something i did a while ago and was fun to do. If i do such a Servant again, I will remember yours. Really good job, I like your style and I hope to see more sheets from you in the future.
    Thanks, I greatly appreciate your review, and I'm glad you enjoyed my sheet! I'm a bit surprised to see everyone telling me that my english is fine, I guess I underestimated myself. Anyway, I'm but curious about your degraded kami servant, I'll probably go read this sheet of yours when I'll have some free time.

  7. #2567
    薔薇族の眠り
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    Overview

    "Servant Hestia, of the Alter Ego class, has been summoned. Shall I begin cleaning, or would you like me to prepare some tea first?"
    Appearance

    Class: Alter Ego
    True Name: Hestia
    Gender: Female
    Height and Weight: 177 cm, 68 kg

    Source: Greek mythology
    Region: Greece
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Attribute: Sky

    Parameters
    Strength: D
    Constitution: C
    Agility: B
    Magical Energy:
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: A

    The oldest and youngest Olympian, the eternally-beating heart of the Machine Gods, has decided to manifest as a maid. An alien-robot-goddess-dragon maid, to be specific. Her performance is top-class as expected, but--

    Isn't that way too many character traits for a single Servant?
    Biography
    Likes: Camping, the content smiles of people who eat her cooking
    Dislikes: Unclogging toilets, public displays of affection
    Talents: Housework, fading into the background
    Natural Enemy: Aphrodite, Chiyou

    Hestia, more formally known by the ship designation Interstellar Travel-Purpose Cosmo-Reactor Vessel Hestia, was one of the Twelve Machine Gods of the Atlantean pantheon, and, subsequently, one of the twelve Olympians of the Greek pantheon. Her original purpose within the Alethian fleet was, as her designation implies, a power generator and distributor, a role she continued to play as Greek goddess of the hearth, the right ordering of domesticity, the family, the home, and the state.

    Although she is a member of the twelve Olympians (being simultaneously its eldest and youngest member by virtue of being the first-born of Cronus while also being the last one he spits out), Hestia plays a notably small role in Greek mythology. However, this should not lead one to dismiss her as being any less important than her siblings. Without the Cosmo-Reactor Vessel and its limitless supply of energy, the Alethian fleet would have run out of power long before they set their scanners on planet Earth, or even before they breached the Tannhäuser Boundary. Without Hestia to assure the integrity of the sacrificial rites, the Olympians would have rapidly decayed into lesser nature spirits after being defeated by the White Titan. Without Hestia, western civilization as we know it would not exist.

    A prim, proper, and perfectly professional maid-type Servant. She holds affection for everyone, and so tries to serve them in a pleasing manner. However, precisely because she tries to cater to everyone's interests, she must keep them all at a distance. Hence, the vow of virginity.

    Hestia has no desire for the Grail, for one simple reason: she renders it obsolete. If one were to think of Holy Grails as "omnipotent wish-granting machines", then Hestia, who can produce an endless amount of magical energy for the purposes of fulfilling her Master's wishes, can also be called a "Holy Grail". Masters who summon her, therefore, are considered to have won the Holy Grail War without spilling a single drop of blood. However, this does beg the question of why Hestia would allow herself to be summoned as a Heroic Spirit in the first place. The answer is similarly simple: Hestia is the goddess of bringing people together. The Holy Grail, as an object that also brings people together, is thus within her domain, and its ability to gather personalities from every time and place is within her interests.
    Skills and Noble Phantasms
    CLASS SKILLS
    The One Who Crosses the Sea of Stars: -
    A skill granted to those who cross the Tannhäuser Boundary, sailing and traversing the star ocean to inhabit a new realm. This skill permits unsupported manifestation into reality and resists the effects of corrective forces that would otherwise target the bearer of this skill as a foreign intrusion.

    Although the Servant Hestia is currently a divinity taking on the role of a maid, the fact remains that she is one of the Twelve Machine Gods, thus this Skill is something she cannot remove no matter how much she modifies her functions.

    True Maid Discernment: B++
    An id_es modified from True Name Discernment that allows the bearer to automatically perceive status information such as identity, Skills and Parameters of other Servants upon a direct encounter. While Hestia is in a space she considers "home", also reveals important information such as fatigue level, blood sugar level, blood alcohol level, favorite food, &c., and bypasses the Luck check required to perceive the status information of Servants with concealment abilities.

    PERSONAL SKILLS
    Divine Core of the Maid: A
    An id_es derived from Divine Core of the Goddess that comprises the Skill Divinity, preserves the absoluteness of the mind and the body, repels all mental interference, and prevents the body from growing or changing no matter how many calories are absorbed. Also embodies the flawless techniques of cleaning, cooking, and caring for one's master, which cannot be degraded in any way.

    Although the Servant Hestia is a Divided Spirit that should possess EX rank in this skill, this terminal's disposition is currently geared towards highlighting her aspects as a servitor and an entity that brings people together, while dialing back her character as a divinity. An affectation that ends up allowing her to meet with new
    employers
    Masters
    .

    Authority of the Hearth: A(++)
    The Authority bestowed upon the goddess Hestia by the people of Greece, this skill represents the absolute dominion over the hearth, the right ordering of domesticity, the family, the home, and the state. Where most of her siblings rule the sky, the sea, the sun, and nature in general, her domain is, for lack of a better term, that of the domain of man. Because of this, Hestia may be considered the Olympian most closely related to humanity.

    At this rank, housework and positive social interactions have increased chances of success while Hestia is around, and all food made in her presence have their quality increased by one rank and behave as if reinforced.

    Also, Hestia can freely manipulate (and indefinitely sustain) small fires around her person. Although their primary purpose is for cooking and lighting candles, they do have uses in combat as well. As an aside, the ability to control fires makes Hestia a complement to Hephaestus, who wields the full Authority over that element; where he uses fire to bind inorganic material together in a process known as "metallurgy", she uses fire to bind organic material together in the process known as "cooking".

    The transition into a maid-type existence did not change Hestia's rank in the Skill much; indeed, most of the lost functions seem to have been minor quibbles she thought were unnecessary for her role. At its original rank, Hestia's personage could conceivably be used as the foundations of a Heroic Spirit summoning system, among other things.

    NOBLE PHANTASMS
    Hearth Polyolbos: Thou, Gather All Before the Star
    Rank: ☆
    Type: Reactor Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-200
    Max targets: 250 people

    The first, and original, Noble Phantasm of Hestia, which earned her the designation of generator ship of the Alethian fleet. Deep within the machine body of the ship that would later go by the name of "Hestia" resided a Cosmo-Reactor Core, which can be likened to a megalopolis dedicated entirely to generating energy. This is the reason for Hestia's abnormal Magical Energy parameter. She theoretically cannot run out of Magical Energy, but since she chose a relatively small, humanoid terminal to manifest as a Servant, the total amount of Magical Energy that can be stored in her body is also significantly smaller than in her original frame.

    However, the true strength of this Noble Phantasm lies not in energy generation, but in energy transference. Ordinarily magical energy requires contact in order to be transferred: jewels must be held in the hand, blood must be swallowed by the mouth. Not so for Hestia. She can transfer magical energy at maximum efficiency to targets up to 100 km away, even while in a vacuum, and it is theorized that this ability allowed the Alethian fleet to refuel without stopping. As with earlier, Hestia's humanoid form severely limits the distance with which she is able to transfer energy, but it remains a formidable ability nonetheless.

    Blaze Polyolbos: Thou, Scatter Those Who Oppose the Star
    Rank: A
    Type: Anti-Army Noble Phantasm
    Range: 1-75
    Max targets: 500 people

    The second Noble Phantasm of the Servant Hestia. More formally known as Household Defense-Purpose Cosmo-Reactor Frame, it is a transformation-type Phantasm that allows her to grow up to twenty times her original height. While in this form, all of Hestia's parameters except Luck receive a Rank-UP, and she is able to store and release larger amounts of magical energy than her normal humanoid self. However, it does raise two questions. The first is "where does this Phantasm come from?", as the goddess Hestia has no legends to her name, no heroic exploits that could be counted as a Noble Phantasm. The second is, "why does it look like that?"

    Although Hestia is attracted to the Holy Grail as an item that gathers people, she also understood that combat would be required of her should she answer the call of a Master. Because she has no legends of note, this necessitated her manifestation in the Alter Ego class, which would then allow her to appear as a terminal with significantly different attributes to the original.

    One thing the Alter Ego class allows is for Hestia to manifest as the ultimate servitor. Another is that it allows her to pick her symbolic animal. Greek myths recount that out of all the Olympians, only Hestia did not choose an animal, as she was the tender of the hearth and had no real desire nor need for an animal to communicate her will. For the Alter Ego Hestia, however, the choice was clear (and rather obvious). There was only one creature that perfectly embodied her as a divinity brimming with energy, who uses fire to bring people together.
    Everything's better with dragons, after all.

    Author's Notes
    Interstellar Travel-Purpose Cosmo-Reactor Vessel = 星間航行用宇宙炉船
    Cosmo-Reactor Core = 宇宙炉心
    Household Defense-Purpose Cosmo-Reactor Frame = 家庭防衛用宇宙炉枠

    the kanjispamming was the most enjoyable part of making this sheet tbh

  8. #2568
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    dayumn, from time to time I am working on the machine gods and Hestia was always a hard nut to crack to make her interesting and special. Seems like you did the work for me. Somewhere in this kit i wouldve slapped a Territory Creation skill and perhaps even Item Creation skill for Household items, fitting for her role.
    I was wondering why Alter-Ego, but you used the class pretty good.
    Really cool sheet. I was hoping someone tries their hands on the Machine Gods.
    Behold!
    My Stuff!

  9. #2569
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Frigix's Avatar
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    damn, I feel some kobayashi's dragon maid vibes.

    On a side note, aren't authorities specified to be different from skills and NP? Well regardless, it's a nice sheet, I like it.

  10. #2570
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frigix View Post
    damn, I feel some kobayashi's dragon maid vibes.

    On a side note, aren't authorities specified to be different from skills and NP? Well regardless, it's a nice sheet, I like it.
    Usually are they abbillities that can be skills or noblephantasm but they are Special aspects that lets them do Things because they have the Right to do it .

    besides have you seen Feedback of your Kayano Hime Frigix ?
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  11. #2571
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Frigix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    besides have you seen Feedback of your Kayano Hime Frigix ?
    Oh yeah, I saw it, I greatly appreciate your feedback thanks! I'm not the biggest cryptid fan (but I still appreciate them), I just thought that the a thicc snake was funny. But I might do something with the Loch Ness or the Ningen someday, could be interesting.

  12. #2572
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frigix View Post
    Oh yeah, I saw it, I greatly appreciate your feedback thanks! I'm not the biggest cryptid fan (but I still appreciate them), I just thought that the a thicc snake was funny. But I might do something with the Loch Ness or the Ningen someday, could be interesting.
    if you make one cryptid servant profile try Mkole-mbembe or a other Dino cryptid of Africa .
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  13. #2573
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Frigix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    if you make one cryptid servant profile try Mkole-mbembe or a other Dino cryptid of Africa .
    I'll keep that in mind, thanks! I quickly googled Mkole-mbembe and he seems pretty interesting, I might do something with it.

  14. #2574
    A.K.A. Rick, apparently realcasually's Avatar
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    Behemoth: I like Servants that teach me something, and this servant taught me something! I didn't know this three beast stuff before and I really love the direction that it took. He's the kind of character I'd love to hate for being a little weirdo, even while I find him kind of adorable. Kid Gil kind of vibes. I'm sure I would get bored enough writing this just to make his NP "turn into a kaiju" but you really elaborated on that in some really fun ways. Definitely a strong opening to this!

    Penn: This... wow. First things first, I have to be totally forthright with you: I'm not sure I'm a fan of this core concept. Nursery Rhyme works for me as a concept because nursery rhymes are this ephemeral, nonsensical thing that holds such a cultural value. Penny dreadfuls... not that much? Those are stories with established characters, with enough structure to them that this just doesn't hit the same notes. I see what you were going for and I think it's impressive, but I just don't... connect with it. NOW. THAT SAID. Just because I don't have the taste for it doesn't mean I don't recognise AMAZING work when I see it. The fiction, as always, is incredible, and I really love the way you've presented his abilities to fit his character. It's not my thing... but the thing that it is is the best that thing could be.

    Crystal Palace: Wyvern, you need to be commended if nothing else on the sheer balls-out creativity to come up with some shit like this. This is possibly the singular most unique idea I've ever seen on this forum. A chimera spirit of the incorrectly assembled dinosaur skeletons of the olden times brought to life? I commend the spirit to take a shot like that. The only thing I'm not really sure on is the name? Why Crystal Palace? But that might just be my lack of history knowledge. And then to twist it around into the dragon Cadmus killed... Honestly dictates I decree it loses a little something here only because this point isn't elaborated on further. You clearly HAVE a history there, but that link and that story you haven't made entirely clear-- at least to me. Still, though... The sheer cajones to do this. BRAVO.

    Laplace's Demon: I'm in a similar spot to Penn here. I don't... know how much I actually like this concept. It's fun, it's VERY well written, but... It's a little too similar to Maxwell's Demon for me, even down to the face claim. I get that there's the twins joke to be made, but... Still, now. The Watcher class makes sense, and it IS one that needs more exploring and I DO commend you for finding such a fitting character, but... The Phantoms feel a little tacked on to me, they don't offer a lot. Maybe I just don't know enough about Watchers to gel with them, but the core concept here just doesn't do it for me. But LIKE Penn, what IS here is undeniably spectacular even in the face of that. His personality is hilarious and I live for all of it-- every section where you quote him I find myself smiling. And writeups for the skills and NPs are impeccably done, I love the work put into them and how they fit perfectly into Nasuverse magic bullshit rules. Is it my thing? No. Is it any less well done for that? Absolutely not.

    Kayano-hime: First off, huge props on your English, never thought for a second this was anything but fluent. This is interesting! A really, really unique take on a cryptid character by tying it to existing legend. Fantastic job with the lore, and honestly, she's really adorable. I think the only think that I don't like about this is the "Tsuchinoko Hunting" NP. It's just... a little oddly done? I don't know how I feel about the mass hypnosis effect making this thing a popular craze. It's just... tonally a little weird. That's a minor nitpick, though, and everything else is fantastic! As strong a debut as other people seem to think my own was, welcome!

    Unsinkable Sam: GODDAMN IT, WHITE. YOU NEED TO BE STOPPED. I ONLY HAVE SO MUCH ROOM IN MY HEART. ​The main thing I have to say about this is I have never been so proud to totally not have understood a word of something the first time I read through it. It took me a few goes to actually get it, and goddammit it, there has never been such an amazing justification for a catgirl as 'Unsinkable Sam the famous ship's cat fused with the SPIRIT OF THE FUCKING TITANIC'. Everything about this renders me completely incapable of explaining just how I ADORE it. Your formatting, which is as usual breathtaking. Your writing skill, which is on a level I've never SEEN before. The creative choices made here... This is fantastic. I'm only sad I didn't finish Lucifer before her and get a shoutout like the other entrants in the quotes section, I'd give kidneys to see what she had to say-- or just be referenced at ALL by your words. God. Damn.

    Iceberg-chan: I am forced to believe you planned this somehow given the timing. I respect your theme of constantly using the YGO faceclaims. Love seeing that. There's quite a few different threads going on here and I don't have a lot to say about most of them in particular other than that I really love the way you fleshed out possibly the wackiest Servant idea ever conceived of into something that genuinely works on every level. The 'wrath of Gaia' aspect is actually really cool and I love that it's been connected withthis of all things. On par with Crystal Palace for level of cajones. 10/10 would total a death toll of 1500 again.

    Echo: I really love her. Honey, Narcissus is a dick and you could do so much better. I want to hug her. And then give her a Speak-n-Spell. The idea of her literally disguising herself as Narcissus is really creative, and not something I've seen before! Love that it combines both of their themologies in a really creative and fascinating way. There's not a LOT that breaks any new ground here but I think that that's COMPLETELY okay when what you've done with the existing material is so genuinely well-written. No unnecessary fluff, no overcomplicated extra layers... just the retelling of a well known legend in a Servant container, and an absolutely bang-up job of one. I feel like I don't have a lot of praise compared to the others? But that shouldn't feel like the case when this is genuinely in my top faves of the entries right now. It's just beautiful in its simplicity.

    First Lady: I... don't... remember the Prisma event very well. But from what I DO remember, she's a very good retelling of that character, taking the lore and building on it in some really fun and creative directions! My favourite stuff about this is the meta stuff, like the faceclaim, and a few little nuggets here and there that really play up the 'first magical girl' concept. Just like Echo, I wouldn't call this groundbreaking either, but similarly, what you HAVE done is really great. Well written, clever construction, solid stuff.

    Michael: More Yugioh faceclaims yaaay. I already said some of my piece, but I'll recap: A very interesting take on the angelic mythos that does kinda clash with mine but in the best way. I can't help but feel mildly distrusting of his actual intentions, but at the same time he seems like a surprisingly chill guy. Fun to see how different people see the angel thing than me. Very good!

    Hestia: This, right now, is my number one favourite thing in this contest. Not with no competition because damn there's some steep competition, but THIS. You're fucking telling me that not ONLY did you make Hestia and fit her FLAWLESSLY into the Greek Mecha Mythology that Fate has that I genuinely adore so much, but on top of that you made her an ALIENROBOT DRAGON MAID and all of those by-rights-incoherent things fit PERFECTLY into the lore you've described? I don't need to say anything else. I really don't. This is... beyond words. I love it. I love you.

    ---

    and those are my takes! I felt I owed everyone else them after rambling on about my own entry for WAY too long, apologies again. Still QUITE a long time left and I'm excited to see what other entries might pop up, and if I can follow up Lucifer with something else that you guys will like, but damn if I'm not SUPER impressed with what's on offer so far. A resounding well done to everyone. especially you whitefrenzy. i don't know what devil you sold your soul to to be able to do what you do but i WILL find out i swear.

  15. #2575
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by realcasually View Post
    Penn: This... wow. First things first, I have to be totally forthright with you: I'm not sure I'm a fan of this core concept. Nursery Rhyme works for me as a concept because nursery rhymes are this ephemeral, nonsensical thing that holds such a cultural value. Penny dreadfuls... not that much? Those are stories with established characters, with enough structure to them that this just doesn't hit the same notes. I see what you were going for and I think it's impressive, but I just don't... connect with it. NOW. THAT SAID. Just because I don't have the taste for it doesn't mean I don't recognise AMAZING work when I see it. The fiction, as always, is incredible, and I really love the way you've presented his abilities to fit his character. It's not my thing... but the thing that it is is the best that thing could be.
    I can't disagree with you. Like I said, came up with him the day before the contest, and that was mostly because I thought 'penny dreadful' sounded like a name. It was that simple to begin.
    Yeah, they don't have the same kind of broad classification as something like Nursery Rhyme, but their structure and characters are part of the reason Penn doesn't change as much as Alice depending on the master and why he always appears basically the same. I think the fact that many 'not quite Heroic Spirits' as well as qualifying Servants are under his purview give him enough of a domain to be established. I do wonder how he would've been had I forgone using Nursery Rhyme as a basis and origin.

    Quote Originally Posted by realcasually View Post
    First Lady: I... don't... remember the Prisma event very well. But from what I DO remember, she's a very good retelling of that character, taking the lore and building on it in some really fun and creative directions! My favourite stuff about this is the meta stuff, like the faceclaim, and a few little nuggets here and there that really play up the 'first magical girl' concept. Just like Echo, I wouldn't call this groundbreaking either, but similarly, what you HAVE done is really great. Well written, clever construction, solid stuff.
    I struggled for a bit with a second entry. Of course, only after I've already put one in I see something to inspire me without even looking for it. I was just on the Fate wiki and something mentioned the First Lady, who I didn't know existed, and lead me to reading about her. From there, I watched through the event, and it went from there. Like you said, nothing groundbreaking, but I certainly wouldn't want to face her in a war. You seen the kind of power Magical Girls wield in anime?

    If I'm being honest with myself, I ain't got a chance in this contest when you see the sheets sandwiched between my entries and those after (on Hestia: I love extravagance, and this one's crazy and just the right amount of indulgence. Not much to say, but I like to say at least something.), but I'm still happy with what I've made, and that's the important bit. It was always gonna be hard to beat Hali in terms of creativity.

  16. #2576
    吸血鬼 Vampire Wyvern's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by realcasually View Post
    Crystal Palace: Wyvern, you need to be commended if nothing else on the sheer balls-out creativity to come up with some shit like this. This is possibly the singular most unique idea I've ever seen on this forum. A chimera spirit of the incorrectly assembled dinosaur skeletons of the olden times brought to life? I commend the spirit to take a shot like that. The only thing I'm not really sure on is the name? Why Crystal Palace? But that might just be my lack of history knowledge. And then to twist it around into the dragon Cadmus killed... Honestly dictates I decree it loses a little something here only because this point isn't elaborated on further. You clearly HAVE a history there, but that link and that story you haven't made entirely clear-- at least to me. Still, though... The sheer cajones to do this. BRAVO.
    I'm glad you appreciate my random bouts of creative lunacy. If anything else, it makes me want to keep making these profiles.

    As for the name. Crystal Palace is the place where there incorrectly assembled skeletons would be shown to the public. As this servant englobes the concept of the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs, I felt it would be fitting to name it like that. As for his conection to Spartoi. It's actually pretty simple. Somewhere down the line, some of the unused dragon's teeth were found and used on one of the skeletons. That's what gives Crystal Palace the 'mystery' weight it needs to properly manifest as a servant. Because it is rooted on a much greater creature, but manifests as the flawed designs that came from those skeletons.
    Last edited by Wyvern; April 9th, 2021 at 09:07 PM.

  17. #2577
    吸血鬼 Vampire BnEl15's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by realcasually View Post
    Laplace's Demon: I'm in a similar spot to Penn here. I don't... know how much I actually like this concept. It's fun, it's VERY well written, but... It's a little too similar to Maxwell's Demon for me, even down to the face claim. I get that there's the twins joke to be made, but... Still, now. The Watcher class makes sense, and it IS one that needs more exploring and I DO commend you for finding such a fitting character, but... The Phantoms feel a little tacked on to me, they don't offer a lot. Maybe I just don't know enough about Watchers to gel with them, but the core concept here just doesn't do it for me. But LIKE Penn, what IS here is undeniably spectacular even in the face of that. His personality is hilarious and I live for all of it-- every section where you quote him I find myself smiling. And writeups for the skills and NPs are impeccably done, I love the work put into them and how they fit perfectly into Nasuverse magic bullshit rules. Is it my thing? No. Is it any less well done for that? Absolutely not.
    I can't argue with your point about the shadows. It was pretty hard balancing between my original ideas and the source materials (SF's Watcher and Maxwell's Demon), vague as they are, and I just thought that according to the one canon example we have, the shadows are like an essential part of the Watcher-Class. I agree on how they could've offered more though, like maybe have them each contribute a personal Skill or something. Overall, glad you still enjoyed it somewhat, and I'll take your feedback into consideration for my next Watcher. As you said, it's a Class that needs more exploring.
    Last edited by BnEl15; April 10th, 2021 at 12:25 AM.
    Feel free to look at my Servant sheets here (Now 100% fixed and viewable)

  18. #2578
    吸血鬼 Vampire Wyvern's Avatar
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    Queen of Iron Thorns


    True Name
    Allignment
    Class
    Alternative Classes
    Iron Apega
    True Neutral
    Lover
    Assassin, Berserker.


    Height
    2.0m
    Weight
    110kg
    Region
    Greece
    Source
    Historical Fact
    Likes
    Hugs
    Dislikes
    Cleaning up

    Parameters
    STR
    END
    AGI
    MAG
    LCK
    NP
    A
    A
    D
    E
    D
    C+


    Background
    There once was a King called Nabis.

    A cruel king, he would extort money from those who would refuse to pay taxes with sadistic delight only matched by that of his queen, Apega.

    Records say that the two were truly the perfect match for each other and that while Apega would heap humiliation after humiliation upon the women of rebellious families, Nabis would punish the men by tricking them into ‘dealing with his wife’ which was in fact a construct of cold iron and wicked spikes supposedly made on the Queen’s image.

    She was beautiful. The most beautiful woman Nabis could envision.

    An instrument of violence soaked on the blood of countless victims.

    That was the Apega of Nabis.

    However, what very few know is that both wife and construct weren’t split beings but a single entity. After all, who would believe that a man like Nabis could love his instrument of torture so intensely that it would create life of its own. That a construct, and a particularly well made one at that, could attain sentience as was the case with Galatea.

    Unfortunately, Nabis’ love was as twisted as his hate.

    And he dearly loved dear Apega.

    How could he not? A statue made with the image of the perfect woman. An instrument of retribution upon his rebellious subjects. The cold machine of suffering was everything Nabis could have wanted. So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that the statue would eventually gain life of its own.

    And that it would express its love in the only way it knew how.

    So that fateful night while Nabis slept, the maiden of iron spikes visited him. Overcome with the joy of meeting the one who showered her with so much love and adoration. There must have been a way to repay him for creating her. For giving her life.

    And then it occurred to her.

    Her favorite thing in the world.

    The one thing she was made to excel at by her creator.

    Hugging.

    So it was with a blissful smile and eyes shining with love that Iron Apega pulled her loved one into a tight embrace. And as her gears shifted and turned, the damsel in love knew her dream had become a reality, for she felt the warmth of his body drain and seep through the cracks of her skin.

    Later on, others would claim responsibility for Nabis’ death, claiming that others lied when speaking of the man’s ultimate fate.

    That he was found on the arms of his own torture instrument.

    A beautiful maiden of iron.

    With a radiant smile.


    Personality
    While an instrument of cruel torture, Apega could not act farther away from what is expected.
    To her, causing pain to others for the sake of her loved one is a way of demonstrating her affection, akin to presenting physical and irrefutable proof of her love to her creator.

    This warped view of what Love is leads Apega to commit more and more atrocities in the name of showing her love.

    She is wholly unaware of her twisted nature, finding it strange that others cannot demonstrate love so readily. Pitying them for not having someone show them what true love was and how to express it. Apega otherwise behaves in a queenly manner befitting her position as Nabis’ Wife.

    However, in Nabis’ absence, Apega will seek for a new lover to dedicate herself towards. Someone who will love her properly and allow her to love them as she’d been created to do.

    With a passionate embrace of cold iron and warm blood.


    Class Skills

    Lover

    A
    Apega only ever loved one man. And that love was powerful enough to grant her life. A phenomenon not often seen.


    Beloved


    E-
    Apega did not inspire love, instead her purpose was to entice Nabis’ victims and instill fear in all others. As an instrument of sadistic torture, Apega only ever received genuine love from its creator, Nabis, which eventually lead to his own death.


    Personal Skills

    Sadism

    C
    While not a true sadist, Apega is only able to express her affection towards a loved one by hurting others for them. Or failing them hurting her lovers in ways she knows ‘they’d appreciate’.
    Mechanized Murder

    A+
    A skill depicting the various instruments of pain installed within Apega by Nabis. They are more akin to oversized torture tools than real weapons, but can be deployed as such when self-defense is needed.

    Vampirism

    C
    While not capable of ingesting and absorbing nutrients as a regular human, Apega absorbs iron and mana through the blood of her victims. Using that same blood to repair her body should it be damaged.


    Noble Phantasms
    Iron Apega: Phantom Maiden in Love
    Anti-Unit
    C++

    Apega’s act of hugging Nabis’ victims.

    As well as the origin of what would become the Iron Maiden.

    Both crystalized as the act of extending countless spikes from Apega’s body as her arms encircle her target, trapping them into an embrace of solid iron as thousands of sharp blade pierce through the victim’s body like needles. The effectiveness of this Noble Phantasm rises a rank if the target is a male.

    And it rises further if Apega feels love for them.

    In this way it could be described as the ultimate expression of Apega’s love for her creator, as well as her original function as an instrument of torture given life. A paradox which leads those who Apega loves to die on her arms.


  19. #2579
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Frigix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by realcasually View Post
    Kayano-hime: First off, huge props on your English, never thought for a second this was anything but fluent. This is interesting! A really, really unique take on a cryptid character by tying it to existing legend. Fantastic job with the lore, and honestly, she's really adorable. I think the only think that I don't like about this is the "Tsuchinoko Hunting" NP. It's just... a little oddly done? I don't know how I feel about the mass hypnosis effect making this thing a popular craze. It's just... tonally a little weird. That's a minor nitpick, though, and everything else is fantastic! As strong a debut as other people seem to think my own was, welcome![/SIZE]
    Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. As for the first NP, I understand it can seem a bit weird, but I can't really imagine it acting differently, a large-scale hypnosis seemed to me the most logical way to do it. Well anyway, I'm glad you liked it.

    Iron Apega: I like the idea, who wouldn't love a good old murderous robot wife? I especially like the way "love" increase her killing power in her NP. Make sense with her story, and I can imagine a master using some sort of love potion on her to make her stronger in a holy grail war, a bit like Brynhildr in Fate/Prototype.

  20. #2580
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Damn, really nice entry again Wyvern. Thats the stuff i hoped to see. Good thing we are not allowed to hug people since 2020

    So many good entries. It is rare for me to not have an idea who the top3 could be so far. And good thing i cant participate anyways, i would be demoralized after seeing all those bangers
    Behold!
    My Stuff!

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