真・冒頭-03.ks
"I take it that you are you prepared for the consequences of turning one into a joke?"
There is an extra you
街・特別編-13.ks
"D-Don't surprise me like that, Tohsaska!"
裏マップ-12.ks
"And then there is Miss Tohsaska's information"
Tohsaka, not tohsaska
街編・1日目-04.ks
"Step aside, you Ukranian bumpkin"
Ukrainian, not ukranian
(btw it was extra funny because of current context)
柳洞寺・4日目-02.ks
"Kuzuki-sensei is my modern society and ethics teacher"
Isnt he supposed to teach others topics?
In FSN:
凛ルート七日目-00.ks
"He’s Kuzuki Souichirou, the iron teacher that teaches world history and philosophy, and is also in charge of the student council."
Depending of the answer, i may speak about this point once more.
柳洞寺・4日目-16.ks
"Thus, Shinto shines and Buddhist temples are no big deal to me."
Considering context, it should be about shrines, not shines
学校・3日目-36.ks
"Do you want give the bow a try as well, Rider?"
want to give
街編・2日目-24.ks
"The rumbling Kaleidostick praises it's high spirits and reliability."
街編・2日目-24.ks
"Thanks to their quarrel steadily reaching it's peak"
its, not it's
衛宮邸・夜マップ-15.ks
"We're not Bonny and Clyde. I couldn't take being on the wanted list even in exchange for a huge fortune."
According to
wikipedia, it's Bonnie and Clyde
In FSN:
衛宮邸・夜マップ-15.ks
"You said you found bloodstains and a hand from which the command spells were stolen..."
Speaking about a hand although we told about an arm
In FSN:
セイバールート十五日目-18.ks
"All I found were traces of blood and a left arm with no Command Spell."
ランサー港-07.ks
"What? There something else?"
is there, or there is, depending of how you see the context. I would prefer the latter
ランサー港-07.ks
"...Lancer, you know there will be consequences if you violate your geis. Will you be all right, breaking two oaths?"
According to
wikipedia, plural of geas/geis is geasa
In FSN:
夜編1-25.ks
"Lancer, who released his spear first, will not be exepted from this curse"
exepted? exempt? excepted?
カレン-05.ks
"I had a instructor and time set aside for me to learn music."
a or an is usually in front of a vowel or consonant, since instructor sounds like an e, which is a vowel, it should be an
カレン-06.ks
"as soon as your summons comes to an end, you disappear without being able to inherit your memories?"
your summons come, or your summon comes, not both. I would prefer the latter.
I'm convinced the plural of summon is used rather than summons in this context, until proved otherwise.
学校・4日目-14.ks
" a super gigantic ultra special strawberry cake from Fleur"
everywhere else it's called La Fleur, except there where the La is missing
--
学校・2日目-02.ks
"Offering a crepe from La Fleur sounds like a sure way to get Issei mad."
街編・1日目-16.ks
"there was that limited cake special at La Fleur that Sakura had been looking forward to a whole month"
衛宮邸・1日目-08.ks
"Oh, to forget about La Fleur, of all things..."
衛宮邸・2日目-05.ks
"A sample like this will hold its ground even against La Fleur's Western confectioneries."
衛宮邸・2日目-16.ks
"Emiya Shirou-sama, here is a triple berry pie from La Fleur."
--
HOWEVER, in FSN:
セイバールート九日目-17.ks
"Stop, Tiger! You ate the Fleur cake I hid in the fridge, right!?"
"Is that really Fleur cake?"
"…Fleur’s management has reached its limit"
凛ルート八日目-05.ks
"I wonder what it is and turn to the cake shop, Fleur."
This is an idea i will deal with in depth in a future message
衛宮邸・夜開始-14.ks
"That'd be a tad incovenient for me"
inconvenient
衛宮邸・夜開始-14.ks
"Are saying that I'll be living my whole life like a loser?"
are you saying
衛宮邸・夜マップ-30.ks
"Occassionally, she goes too far and tears them to pieces."
occasionally, only one s
衛宮邸・4日目-41.ks
"I couldn't take my eyes off her for even a second, but you're so deft I don't see any reason for concern."
Shirou is not talking but thinking, so it should be the third person in both parts of the sentence.
Possible fix: she became so deft, she revealed (herself) being so deft, she was so deft, idk what the runes from nasu are saying
真・冒頭-03.ks
"I waNT TO Die."
Why cant it be all uppercase rather than half the letters? mixing upper and lowercase doesnt fit this context, especially with the rest being full upper or full lower, no middle ground
-----
For the last ones, although being easy to dismiss/accept, i'm not 100% convinced
真・冒頭-15.ks
"how morals have come and gone in the blink of an eye"
Is this english? really?
街編・2日目-24.ks
"Familiar shmamiliar, I'm never going to use you. Give it up and hurry back to sleep already."
What does shmamiliar mean? is it an obscure joke from the magical girl universe?
街・特別編-04.ks
"Like Sakura's servant that she is, Rider stands up."
Wouldnt it be Servant? not sure tho, it may be the only case where servant was chosen but should be Servant instead
衛宮邸・2日目-20.ks
"As I have said, I do not mind your being here."
Wouldnt it be more suited if rider said you being instead of your being