Elise does not move, but she at least offers some small consolation. Lucille isn’t sure whether to be mad or touched—she doesn’t want to cry in front of anyone, yet she is moved by this small moment of compassion all the same. It drives her crazy, the conflicting emotions in her heart. Elaine isn’t here, obviously, but if she was, Lucille would—
She breathes instead, a hoarse sound, almost a sob without tears, and tries to still the storm within herself.
It doesn’t work.
“I—” Lucille says, trying to distract herself. Talking does not help. “Thank you.”
It is not a given that she is gone, but all the evidence points towards that conclusion. Still, a small chance is a chance, so she must, she must remain positive like people expect.
…
But after Michael, how could she? This was even worse than back then. Sakura was meant to look out for her. The caretaker she had never asked for, but was given. Should she have helped her maid? If she was more attentive—no, more aggressive about prying through the mysteries of the school—maybe Sakura would have bothered to bring her along instead of letting her live this farce of a dream. Maybe they could die together or live together instead.
Better than the present.
Lucille mechanically goes over to the fridge and fishes out some ice cream. She neither has the strength to reject Elise’s suggestion or her presence, and so defaults to a sort of blind, unthinking obedience. She puts it in her mouth. Can’t even taste the flavor.
“I don’t know what to do…”
She slumps against the wall.
---
The blood on her hands was gone. Down the drain, or trapped in the bristles of the now red scrub brush she’d furiously cleaned her hands with. She took a last glance at the scrub brush before tossing it into the garbage can under the sink, certain that no one would ever want to use it again.
“I don’t- I don’t know what to do either.”
I was really hoping you would.
She stood still. Water, not blood for a change, dripped from her hands onto the kitchen floor. She’d hoped that Lucille would know what to do, but it was clear that she was at a loss as much as she was. She shook her head and grabbed a hand towel.
“Our- our priority should be to keep the others safe. Hisa, Aleen, Mercedes, Gradient. Vier,” said Elise in a slow and even pace as she dried her hands, “Pyry too. He’s out there, hurt, and he needs help.”
Once she was finished with the towel, she tossed it onto the counter beside the sink. With her clean hands, Elise wiped the tears from her face as she turned to face Lucille, who was slumped against the wall with the container of ice cream in hand.
“As for Elaine…” began Elise, “I don’t- I don’t know. She and John left to go to the Sheriff's Department to get help, but that was hours ago… They were- they were supposed to come back. Even- even if they ran into trouble, I’m sure they’d make their way back here… but if- when they do, what do we do?”
---
Lucille gives Elise a blank look. Slowly, she blinks, understanding finally seeping in, before her face contorts into a grimace. Under the surface she feels like she’s burning, seething, but this is not the time or place, she reminds herself. This is absolutely not the time and place. Elise was right. They had to help everyone.
Well, now Lucille was certain it was mostly everyone, but it was impolite to say that.
“We…” she says, “I suppose we…”
She can’t bring herself to say something sensible. How shameful.
“I want to talk to Elaine,” she finally forces out. She tries to hide the emotions in her voice as much as she can, but misery and anger bleed together, make themselves noticed. “And then I’ll pass judgment.”
Lucille lets the words die there. If she continues, she’ll say something wrong. She can tell. So she won’t. Elise needed someone she could trust. Someone to rely on for her demon problem. If she were to so obviously give in to her own desires… That wasn’t right, either. Sakura was an unknown, but Elise was right there, and something could be done about it. Lucille thinks, anyway.
“You’re right, though. We should be… focused on who we can help right now.” Slowly, she moves back to her original job, but there’s a sense of forcedness to it. Whatever vigor Lucille had been doing it with before was replaced with a pale imitation of it instead.
---
Elise nodded, “Of course. Elaine deserves a chance to speak to her defence. Just-just promise me that when it’s time to talk to Elaine, we’ll talk to her together. I might not know Sakura as well as you do, but she was-is, is my friend too, and… and assuming the worst, neither of us should confront Elaine alone.”
Elise looked over at Lucille, and it was clear that the news about Sakura and Elaine had knocked the wind out of Lucille’s sails. Try as she might to hide it, Elise could see the pain roiling under Lucille’s surface and it all felt so familiar.
“I-I know what it’s like too. Losing a friend…” muttered Elise as she stared at the floor, “The night that-”
The night that the demon crawled its way into the back of my mind.
“-that, well, it wasn’t a very good night, I-I was there, but, well… it didn’t matter. There are some things even miraculous healing powers can’t fix…”
Elise fell silent for a moment as she felt the tears streaming down her face again. She was quick to wipe them away, but glanced at her hands. There was blood on them again, albeit diluted with her tears. Evidently there had been some blood splattered on her face that she’d just smeared. Probably Cesarina’s. Elise let out a long sigh.
“We’ve chosen a very dangerous vocation, and-and we all know the risks but- those justifications don’t make it any easier when it happens…”
“Anyway!” said Elise with a very forced cheerfulness in her voice as she abruptly shifted away from the previous topic, “Now that I’m not a complete hygienic disaster, I can finish making the sandwiches while you focus on finishing off that ice cream, eh?”
After I wash my hands again. Of course.
---
“...Thank you.”
Lucille doesn’t bother to tell Elise off. If anything, having Elise there might be better for everyone around. Heaven knows if she cannot trust her own judgment, she should at least have someone watch over her. So instead she sits there and spoons ice cream into her stomach, not really thinking about anything.
Well, that isn’t true. She’s thinking about the bad nights that she has had. That Elise has had. She wonders what purpose they have on Earth. The unfortunate product of free will? The natural state of being tainted by sin?
Lucille stares into the tub of ice cream like its creamy texture will reflect one of the world’s hidden truths.
“Let’s try to make sure nobody else has a bad night,” she says, though it sounds somewhat hazy, as if Lucille isn’t sure of it herself. Still, there’s a conviction behind those words, and some life comes into her eyes as she says it.
The world is cruel. Some things can’t be prevented. But it is her job, it is Elise’s job, to try anyway, because it’s better than doing nothing at all.