Vivienne Bianchi
Location: Owl's Nest - Dining Area
Phase: Morning Phase
Date: 10.09.1994 (SAT)
Weather: Overcast
Originally Posted by
Rachel
My... my parents aren't around anymore."
"Oh... sorry... did not think this through... maybe bad idea for me to bring parents up..."
Vivienne cannot hang her head in shame nor draw the lines of a compassionate expression on her face, but she tries. She gives Rachel an apologetic bow, though it is not raw emotion nor emotive communication, it is at least sufficient to let Rachel know that behind the monotone and robotic, seemingly unfeeling voice, there was a will to apologize; there was something being felt. But in Vivienne's mind, she as always asked herself wherever that was truly the case. She wondered like she did every single time she did her best to convey emotions in these unorthodox ways... did the origin of this come from the heart, or was it merely a logical deduction of necessity from the brain?
The answer perhaps, was the very existence of the question itself, that she was asking said question even.
And if this was mere procedure to keep up appearances, why mention what she did after?
"I love my Mother and Father a lot. Maybe they are part of the reason... why I keep trying... because I want them to be proud... and maybe to become once more, the daughter they lost."
She pauses, as if reminiscing of the pair she hasn't seen in a while. A father who has lost himself in his travels to find a cure now for his daughter, and a mother who feels responsible for what occurred to her daughter -- she sought to mend the rift that separated them, yet what she had done was merely widen it till none in the family would see each other in a very long time.
"If I lost them... I don't know what I would do..."
The quiet girl's unblinking eyes avert themselves from Rachel, and she looks down at the immaculate white cloth that is on the table, her gaze lost within its woven fabric as she ponders what life would be like should such a terrible thing happen. The empty whiteness could be reminiscent of her soul and emotions, but what if instead, it was a foreshadowing of her life should she lose everything that anchors her fleeting soul? Alongside her parents, there were a few things that Vivienne tried her best to cherish every day... she had even made a few 'friends' here, something that she never had imagined she could do. What would happen, if she lost all this?
She would like to believe that it wasn't something she'd like to know.
Yet she knew the exact answer to that question.
It's why she was still here, wasn't she? It 's why she hadn't even considered the idea of leaving Road's End and be done with this mess.
A desire to protect... and the fear of loss... was that not to feel, and thus, to truly exist as an individual? To fear and want, perhaps the most basic emotions that one can feel -- all that you have done to this point Vivienne Bianchi, is it not a proof that there is something inside?
Oh right, even though it is there, you cannot feel it. The very same words you told to Prushka. You gasp for air, your lungs scream in agony as you breathe in, hoping for the oxygen of emotion and feeling, yet... all that comes is a burning, drowning emptiness.
Vivienne shakes her head, realizing her gaze had been transfixed on the table cloth for too long. She looks up and performs the same apologetic bow to Rachel she had done before.. yet the words she then utters are not a bit for forgiveness, rather, they are strangely encouraging:
"... but I see. Rachel is a very strong person. The town is safe in your hands, I am sure."
One could think of it as a diversion of sorts, or perhaps, bringing the conversation towards something more interesting, than the feelings of someone who allegedly, could not feel.
Ah yes, the Horse Blinders. Blinkers weren't they called? Tools to blot out needless vision and let the steed focus on what is ahead; to think only about what is needed to walk forwards. Yet is one truly alive, if they see only the path ahead? Do you have the right to complain about not feeling anything, when you refuse to see everything for what it is worth? Is it not hypocrisy?
Vivienne does her best to show Rachel a convincing thumbs up. The latter on her end must rely on the power of her imagination to picture what kind of smile and cheery demeanor Vivienne would have put on, if she wasn't condemned to show Rachel these cold, unblinking eyes of blue.
As Rachel explains herself and gives her own hypothesis on the Kincaids and the Air Force, as well as mentioning some interesting details, Vivienne continues to listen on, but one notable detail spurs her to ask a question once more, and at the same time, make a hypothesis of her own.
Originally Posted by
Rachel
Then there's my uncle's obsession, that damned girl in the painting! I swear, that blockhead probably thinks the air force is after his imaginary girlfriend, the way he acts..."
"Maybe that girl was someone he knew? Does he not... talk to you about it? What is the painting... supposed to represent then? Portrait is... in the hotel?"
She presses on, to learn more about this mysterious man with the imposing presence. To know more about Mr. Halloway and what he loved was not an opportunity that would present itself often, Vivienne reasoned to herself. Perhaps she should have a good look again at that portrait...