Create A Singularity / Lostbelt

[BnEl15]

Hmm, I like the contrast between "quiet lagoon" and "flames of the revolution", but I wonder if you can condense at least one of them better. As things are, it still feels a little too long.

Idk what "Rassvet Peremen" means tho. Tried googling it but didn't find much. Apparently "Rassvet" is either a place in Moscow, or "sunrise"? If you're going for the latter (or some clever double-meaning thing), maybe you can integrate that to the subtitle somewhere? You know how communism/Bolshevik can be associated with a "Red Sun" somehow... or was that exclusive to Mao? Idk enough about 20th-century commie history tbh.

So from those ideas I have so far, something like...The Quiet Lagoon Underneath the Crimson Dawn? Just spitballing here.

[ThompsonContender]

Rassvet Peremen, as in the dawn of change/revolution

[BnEl15]

Oh, I guess that works, then.

[Desdinova Incarnate]

Ah, I've got a name suggestion then.
Revolution in the Blaze of Dawn, Rassvet Peremen
Subtitle: Devil in the Quiet Lagoon

[ThompsonContender]

OMG THANK YOU THAT'S SO GOOD

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Maddened War of Oppression between Brothers: Deo Vindice
^My america singularity name (grail holder is robert e lee)

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Maddened War between Brothers: Deo Vindice

Subtitle: War to end Oppression

[Nuclear]

Location: Jerusalem, Israel
Year: 1273 AD
Human Order Foundation Value: A

This singularity is set in the Holy Land during the twilight of the Crusader kingdoms. The Knights Templar, headed by their grand master Jacques de Molay, make one last armed pilgrimage to the holy city of Jerusalem. There, they are surprised to find no resistance, and even more surprised to find the Holy Grail. This particular Grail, however, was planted by Draco, and it spews forth corrupting mud the moment the knights move to retrieve it. Molay prays for deliverance moments before he completely falls to the mud, summoning Georgios and two other Servants within the holy city's vicinity. The corrupted Templars then stand, poised to gather enough bodies to desecrate Jerusalem's holy ground with their depraved lust.

Immediately after rayshifting, Ritsuka and Mash are engaged by the Templar knights patrolling near their landing site. Rider Da Vinci then appears and assists Mash in dispatching the knights. She explains that she's currently taking this particular Spirit Origin out for diagnostic testing. Da Vinci's sensors indicate the presence of a Holy Grail in the city of Jerusalem, so Ritsuka and Mash board her vehicle, the Proto Border, and head there through a seemingly man-made road filled with gravestones.

En route to the holy city, Chaldea is attacked by a detachment of skeletons and their leader, Eric Bloodaxe; their battle is only prevented from drawing blood by Bloodaxe's companion, Georgios, who questions Chaldea about their intentions. After clearing up the misunderstanding, they join the party on the way to Jerusalem. Georgios explains that the gravestones lining the road were the Templar knights' rudimentary records of the pilgrims allowed into the holy city; it seems their legendary accounting skills were spared by whatever force twisted them into their current form.

Upon arriving at the outskirts of Jerusalem, Chaldea sees an unusual sandstorm forming a pillar within the city, as well as a large band of pilgrims gathered before the holy city's gates; Artoria Lancer Alter stands guard, and proclaims that those who wish to enter the City of Faint may only do so with their bodies. She then raises her lance, and begins slaughtering the pilgrims, throwing their bodies into the sandstorm. Chaldea tries to prevent the massacre by engaging Artoria in combat, but the Storm King proves too strong for the party. They do manage to give the pilgrims time to escape, so the party agrees to a tactical retreat.

With no clear means of defeating the city's guardian, Chaldea its chances with a kingdom nestled in the southwestern desert told of in the pilgrims' rumors. This rumor leads Chaldea to the Egyptian Servants' domain ruled by its Pharaoh, Assassin Nitocris. She and her retainer Sita challenge Chaldea to a battle to prove their worth, a battle that the latter party wins. After the battle, Merlin, the Egyptian domain's self-proclaimed court mage, emerges from the shadows, and gets Chaldea acquainted with the members of the Egyptian faction.

With the introductions out of the way, the party then plans out how to acquire Jerusalem's Holy Grail. Merlin outlines the operation's three stages: defeating Artoria, traversing the strange sandstorm raging within the city, and defeating whatever is guarding the Grail. The Pharaoh says she has an ace in the hole spell that can help out with all three tasks, but will require assistance to complete it. It is at this point that Bloodaxe speaks up, surprising everyone. Bloodaxe-- or rather, Gunnhild speaking through Bloodaxe-- volunteers his help with completing the spell. Merlin volunteers herself for step two, saying she can whatever danger is in the sandstorm into harmless flowers, which leaves the combat unit of Ritsuka, Mash, Da Vinci, Georgios, and Sita to deal with steps one and three.

The combat unit swaps stories on the ride toward the City of Faint. Mash is particularly inspired by Sita's devotion to her husband and Georgios' tales of chivalry. Chaldea surveys the scene upon arriving at Jerusalem's gate: Artoria still stands vigil outside the city walls, though she is now reinforced by a detachment of Templar soldiers. With the help of Sita and support from Merlin, Chaldea prevails over the Storm King and enter the city.

Once inside, the party is horrified to find that the pilgrims' bodies are made to indulge in every form of debauchery imaginable; Da Vinci theorizes that the Grail is animating their corpses much like those of the Templar knights outside. Merlin retreats upon realizing that the City of Faint's very land has been tainted to enable depravity and is dangerously compatible with her true nature; she does do what she can to lessen the poison sandstorm's effects, however. The rest of the party is able to proceed due to Sita and Georgios being embodiments of chastity, Chaldea's desire to save the human order being able to trump all other concerns, and Mash's burgeoning feelings for Ritsuka.

In the midst of the sandstorm, Chaldea finds, fights, and defeats the Hassan of Serenity, whose perpetually-dancing corpse has been reanimated by the Grail, which clears up the poisonous mist. The party then pushes on, and comes face to face with Molay on the Temple Mount. He pontificates on how much better everything is now that he's abandoned his vows and surrendered to his appetites. Georgios draws his sword before the corrupted priest can say more, and vows to end this caricature of Jacques de Molay before this stain on the knight's legacy can grow.

Molay is forced to his knees, but is seemingly undaunted; he produces the Grail and drinks from its contents to become Dia-Bolus Thyatira. The Demonic Beast gloats once more, but is is interrupted by laughter, followed by beams of sunlight scorching the its body. Nitocris and Bloodaxe emerge along with a towering mass of flesh and eyes, which the pharaoh introduces as Ozymandias-- no, Pseudo-Demon Pillar Amon-Ra, who has incarnated partly to answer the call of a fellow Pharaoh, and partly because he found the entire situation mildly interesting. With his aid, and the efforts of the gathered Servants, Dia-Bolus Thyatira is eventually defeated.

After acquiring the Grail, Ritsuka and mash say their goodbyes to everyone in the singularity. The last thing they hear is Merlin complaining that she didn't see the climax with her own eyes. Upon arriving back at Chaldea, Da Vinci compiles her child-shaped Spirit Origin's performance records, and comments that her its output wasn't half bad.

AUTHOR'S NOTES
Corrupt Order's Black Temple 退廃勲黒聖堂

• The singularity's main theme is lust (being led around by one's own impulses) vs chastity (proper ordering of one's affections) and its main characters are Jacques de Molay and Georgios.
• This singularity is the one that started this whole ordeal endeavor because holy cow how do you do a Servant as dirty as vanilla Arcade did Georgios. Don't answer that, I'm perfectly aware that this is still F/GO I'm re-writing.
• I still hate how the knight-type characters are once again the bad guys, but I take some solace in the fact that it's Nero I mean Draco's fault. I imagine the corrupted Saber Molay would be portrayed similarly to Mobile's heinously awful creature that must not be named.
• There's actually a surprising amount of decent material in the vanilla scenario, I just tweaked a few things to make it flow better. Izou and Medusa felt like slapped-on Koha-Ace reference, so I moved them out of Jerusalem and into singularities where I can make better use of them. I took out Ozy until like the third act of the story because I feel we don't get enough material that has Nitocris actually acting like the pharaoh she is. Why do I even blather on like this, it's not like anyone actually reads this garbage lol

[The Archangel]

I do read it & it isn't garbage, Nuclear-senpai!

[jishara]

Wow, I really love your jerusalem, Nuclear.

[jishara]

Update: Penelope added to Greek Singularity. What do you think? Also, updates for the Hinas and Leda will be happening soon.

[ThompsonContender]

I need a name for this singularity, it's about Tesla getting a holy grail during the process of building his teleforce, and then using it to destroy things due to resentment to the world because of his own misfortune

[The Archangel]

Given she is listed as her natural enemy you should really give her a line for Circe. Noble phantasms do contain the major elements of her legend, though I will review it more when I have a little more time.

[jishara]

Thank you.

[Nuclear]

Location: Babylon, Mesopotamia
Year: 2655 BC
Human Order Foundation Value: A++

This singularity is set in Mesopotamia during the reign of Gilgamesh. Unbeknownst to the citizens of Uruk, Gilgamesh is struck dead by the machinations of the Alluring Queen Draco, and his corpse is cloned and implanted with the soul of the Neo-Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar II. Deluded into thinking that the Alluring Queen is his consort, the new king, proclaiming himself "Gilgamesh II", builds up Uruk into a megalopolis of luxury, indulgence, excess, and waste. Thanks to the influence of Draco and her Grail, the singularity expanded into the rest of Mesopotamia, turning it into a Human Order Collapse Zone.

Upon landing, Ritsuka and Mash are metaphorically assaulted by the sights, sounds, and smells of a Babylon that should not exist in this era, and literally assaulted by droves of soldiers converging at their location. Mash engages the soldiers, but their unending numbers quickly wears her down. The pair are overwhelmed, and are escorted by the soldiers to the city's ziggurat. There, they come face-to-face with King Gilgamesh II, who immediately sentences them to death. Before he can carry the sentence out, however, Ritsuka and Mash are rescued by the Alter Ego Tiamat Larva, who uses her authority as mother to incapacitate Gilgamesh II and his guards, giving her and Chaldea enough time to flee.

The three arrive at Tiamat's hideout near the megalopolis' dump site. There, they are introduced to the Captain, one of Tiamat's other guests. The goddess is overjoyed that Ritsuka and Mash have returned, and when the pair in question express confusion at her reaction, the Captain explains that Chaldeans matching their description landed in this singularity some six months past, and spent a week attempting to acquire the singularity's Grail with him and Tiamat before being disappearing. Da Vinci theorizes that this might be the actions of a Chaldea from another world. Tiamat swiftly changes the subject, re-introduces herself, and offers to cook the Chaldeans some food.

Before Ritsuka and Mash can enjoy Tiamat's cooking, the Captain warns them that Babylon's grounds carry a curse of gluttony, meaning that a single moment of indulgence will become a one-way ticket to becoming a citizen of Babylon. With this warning in mind, the pair eat their food in relative sobriety, livening up the meal by talking strategy instead. Da Vinci suggests gathering allies before confronting the again, a sentiment echoed by the Captain, who elaborates that his Spirit Origin isn't strong enough for combat as of now. Ritsuka and Mash agree to this plan before everyone turns in for the night.

The next morning, the party's search for more members begins when Tiamat makes breakfast and casts magic upon them to prevent them from being perceived by the city guards, before heading out into the city center. They spend the entire morning looking for potential allies, but end up hungry and with nothing to show for it come noon. Suddenly, Tamamo Cat bursts into the scene and crashes into the party, closely follwed by a raving Tawara Touta. The party ends up having to fight both of them in hopes of knocking them back to their senses. Cat becomes docile, but Touta refuses to be calmed down. Tiamat realizes that he's been afflicted by the city's curse, so she calls out to the archer's genetic memory and scolds him for overeating. Touta snaps out of the trance, soon enough to be chagrined when the mother goddess also forbids him from eating outside of the allotted mealtimes.

Chaldea reconvenes at Tiamat's hideout for lunch, their two new recruits in tow. Tiamat graciously allows Cat to assist her in the kitchen, and Touta handles the rice as usual; the welcome dinner turns out to be an altogether temperate affair. After the meal, Mash notices a concealed note, which turns out to be an invitation from someone interested in King Gilgamesh II's overthrow. The party discusses the note's ramification, before ultimately deciding to heed the note's writer to meet at the sewers later that night.

Upon reaching the sewers, Cat notes that the water level is unusually low. A voice from the darkness agrees, and reveals themself as the Chain of Heaven Enkidu. They've been monitoring the city's condition for quite some time now, and have come to conclude that Gilgamesh II is planning something big. They aim to stop this plan from coming to fruition, and so need strong allies to carry said plan out. They test the party in combat, and when Chaldea's performance proves satisfactory, Enkidu agrees to join the group. With a surprise trump card in place, the party goes back to Tiamat's hideout to rest and prepare.

Come morning, the operation to defeat the Evil-Devouring King Gilgamesh II begins. The group brainstorms ideas on how they will scale the hundred-floor royal ziggurat Etemenanki. Tiamat suggests throwing everyone up to the top; everyone agrees to this at first, but Cat's equally absurd idea of her scaling the structure with everyone else strapped to her back quickly breaks the hold of the goddess's voice on the party's human members. Mash recalls that an elevator was used to transport her and Ritsuka to the throne room when the two of them were captured, so the party decides to head to the ziggurat's top using the elevator.

The group mobilizes toward one of the ziggurat's back entrances, but they find the entrance barred by Ibaraki Douji and Amakusa Shirou. The party makes quick work of knocking them out before entering the palace and heading for the elevator. One awkwardly long elevator ride later, the party arrives at the ziggurat's throne room and confronts Gilgamesh II. The battle is fierce, but Chaldea prevails due to Enkidu sealing away the much of the king's power.

The party celebrates the defeat of the Taboo-Devouring King, but their celebration is cut short by a violent tremor. Ritsuka and Mash race to view the situation outside the ziggurat, and what they see is chaos. Scores of Demon Beasts have emerged from the ground and are rampaging all around Babylon, and a colossal tsunami is racing towards the city. The Captain then hurriedly interrogates the dying Gilgamesh II, who confirms that the Holy Grail isn't in his possession, as it is "hers". The Captain then calls out to a certain foul-smelling queen, challenging her to reveal herself. The party then comes face-to-face with the Alluring Queen Draco.

The Captain lists off the Alluring Queen's many sins, which include imitating Beast I's plan using seven singularities to gather humanity's desires, to which Draco heartily assents. The Captain then reveals his True Name of Noah, the Grand Rider summoned to defeat a Beast. Draco cackles and proclaims that critically prosperous cities such as these are destined to be claimed by the sea as the tsunami slams into the city; Noah uses up the majority of his Spirit Origin's power keeping it in check. He entrusts the role of fighting Draco to the rest of the party, while the Alluring Queen merely laughs. They would face a Beast without the aid of a Grand Servant?

Ritsuka, Mash, Tiamat, Touta, Cat, and Enkidu pool together their strengths, but barely damage Draco and her summoned Demon Beasts. Noah managed to suppress most of the tsunami's force, though it comes at the cost of his own life. He reveals that he covered the other-world Chaldea's retreat from the singularity, which resulted in him sustaining heavy injuries at the hands of Draco. He entrusted the care of his Spirit Origin to another Servant, waiting for Chaldea's return. On the bright side, Cat cheerfully reveals that she managed to swipe Babylon's Holy Grail from Draco during the fight, though the others speculate that Draco simply let her have it due to no longer needing it.

As Ritsuka and Mash leave for Chaldea after saying their goodbyes, they reflect on their journey and steel themselves for the final confrontation with Sodom's Beast at the convergent singularity, the Immoral Fructus City Lilim Harlot.

AUTHOR'S NOTES
Critically Prosperous City 臨界繁栄都市

• The singularity's main theme is gluttony (unhealthy indulgence in material delights) vs temperance (habitual moderation in action, thought, or feeling) and its main characters are Alluring Queen Draco and Tiamat-Larva.
• My main concerns with this singularity were the seemingly-random list of Servant present (and also the Nero wank but that's for another day). The preponderance of Japonaises here is a nod to Mobile!Gil summoning a bunch of Japanese Servants to man the Absolute Demonic Battlefront.
• As for underused characters, I opted to replace Tamamo with Cat because I felt the whole kerfuffle with Tayunskapon left the other Tamamos out to dry, and replace Kintoki with Touta because of that sweet, sweet final ascension line he felt kinda one-note in Camelot as merely Sanzang's minder. Here I wanted to showcase how the latter behaves when he isn't able to eat every other minute (I imagine he'd be quite grumpy about the whole thing), as well as the comedic value of having the former be the voice of reason when the human Servants get brainwashed by Tiamat.
• The "Chaldea of another world" was a last-minute addition to my plot outline, but I had to reference the multiple Chaldeas thing somehow, and it managed to turn out well as being the reason Noah's situation is as weird as it is.

And that's all seven singularities finished. I'm rather disappointed that these didn't generate as much discourse as I'd hoped, but what's done is done. Ciao.

[The Archangel]

I'm rather disappointed that these didn't generate as much discourse as I'd hoped, but what's done is done. Ciao.

Nuclear-senpai now you are just fishing for compliments. It didn't generate discourse because there is really not much to say, except that it is very well written & I love the change of concepts to truly differentiate the two versions, taking into account the differing responsible BEASTs & their personalities/motivations. I don't see anything worth pointing out, every change I could suggest is just creative differences & not necessarily anything that would add something, like when I suggested jishara have Living Paisen instead of retroactive Assassin Paisen.

Since you asked for it however, my suggestion to reference other Chaldeas & justify Tiamat would be to set this singularity shortly after the OG 7th. After that was resolved & Gilgamesh died, Draco comes in, clones his body creating Gilgamesh II as described above in your post^ & has him lead the survivors of Uruk & Sumeria into building Babylon, Uruk's successor city, out of the Frontier Wall. After that everything would be pretty much what you described.

In terms of generating discourse I was expecting a lot more from my AU, though more in the form of backlash & criticism, guess that was just my anxiety, hence why I let so much pile up before posting, only due to wanting a secondary for of archive for it rather than sharing, since I was going to wait until it was more polished like all of yours.

[Nuclear]

Nuclear-senpai now you are just fishing for compliments.

Yeah ur prolly right, i'm kinda tired and that's exacerbating the frustration a bit, soz

Since you asked for it however, my suggestion to reference other Chaldeas & justify Tiamat would be to set this singularity shortly after the OG 7th.

my thinking here is to keep the identity and origins of the "other-world Chaldea" vague. like i said in the author's notes, it's merely a means of referencing that other Chaldeas are involved in this particular incident as per the setting description, without getting too deeply into the specifics

In terms of generating discourse I was expecting a lot more from my AU, though more in the form of backlash & criticism, guess that was just my anxiety, hence why I let so much pile up before posting, only due to wanting a secondary for of archive for it rather than sharing, since I was going to wait until it was more polished like all of yours.

my main concern with your idea is that u seem pre-occupied with having mr. paragon match Guda's strengths in a numbers game: like mr. paragon has to have X trait to make up for guda having y. the thing is, guda doesn't have all these advantages going into the main story, eg., they can't always easily summon servants, &c. Also, giving mr. paragon all these positive advantages and traits makes him out to be a Donut Steele, for lack of a better term.

this is not to say that "a crypter/chaldea antagonist who wins" is an inherently bad premise. imo a more creative take on this is not "an antagonist who can triumph over chaldea in a numbers fight" but "an antagonist whose win condition isn't opposed to chaldea's". the best example i can think of for the latter type of antagonist is oberon; he's v much a bad guy, and he's v much the main antagonist of avalon le fae, but despite all that, he wins. his victory isn't because he outguns guda, but because his win condition (wrecking faerie britain), barely comes into conflict with chaldea's.

[The Archangel]

The numbers game isn't saying Crypter will win because of X, it is not about a foregone conclusion but the pre-war analysis, it is how the Crypter is rationalizing & choosing their preparations via analyzing what has led to Fujimaru's success in the past, kind of like how Kirschtaria made sure to disable all Atlantean leylines. Peter is making sure he has a counter for every single advantage Ritsuka has turnt in their favour in the past. He takes note of their tanking ability via Lord Camelot so he makes sure to make it so Chaldea Mash can't use it & he does so by bringing that ability to his side. That kind of thinking.

I get that win condition like Oberon's, & I haven't even decided who will win, the main point I wanted was a Lostbelt that truly IS better than the present mess PHH(Even IRL) & even more so with the underground sociopathic mystic/mage/church world. Peter's win condition isn't curbstomping Chaldea & an insta-kill, it is making sure the maximum number of them survive & get to live in Alvalion since he sincerely believes that will be better for them than living in PHH where they are demonized & criminalized for saving the world. He understands that it is painful to leave some people behind in PHH, like their families, etc... but like he says in Russia this isn't his plan to begin with, he just taking the best course given the options he has, & in his mind between bringing back PHH, which already died at the hands of the Alien God, & making Alvalion thrive while bringing in as many refugees from the other LBs & PHH, the latter is way better since he absolutely despises the systems in place both normal & mage societies in PHH.

[The Archangel]

Sorry I cut my post short I had to go take care of some chores.

Back to it, think about it from the Crypter/Peter's POV (which is why in insert 1 OC type fanfic they end up resembling the writer since people write what they know)

You just came back to life. You have a new world that in your opinion is better than your old one. Not only that but post your self-insert in the simulation you have 1500ish years of attachment to this world, effort, friends, loved ones, maybe kids & a spouse. Some kid who has overturned & collapsed entire singularities, divine spirits, Demon Gods & BEASTs is coming to take it out. Wouldn't YOU try to come up & prepare anything & everything you could to stop them? Hence the "couldn't you do better?" like literally if any of you were in that position couldn't you think of different ways to handle it using only in-universe information?

To me the preparations always seems kind of half-hearted & they ALWAYS wait just long enough for Chaldea to get their hands on something, closest one & the one that satisfies the most in that respect is actually NOT Atlantis, but Sigurd's initial attack on the Shadow Border.
Ophelia straight up sends Sigurd/Surtr right away to slaughter Chaldea & take their most valuable resource so they can't flee. No nonsense, no discussion, just a straight up attack/raid, incredibly realistic in how to deal with an enemy AND most important WHY it fails. It fails due to Ophelia's orders to keep Mash alive, Surtr's inability or lack of care to distinguish humans & Sigurd's hero pride, all 3 great believable characters traits that make the characters determine the story instead of the other way around. Even then it deals massive damage to Chaldea, wrecking the Border's Armour, taking the Paper Moon, making it so they can't leave & putting Holmes out of comission for a long tiime. Ophelia did ALL that with one DEFECTIVE Servant, since she didn't have any others & the LB King Skadi wasn't cooperating on the attack, imagine if she didn't have to deal with Surtr's attitude & had the back up of the Walkuren. When I played that was when I felt I was more in danger than any other part.
Koyanskaya & Kirei like I discuss somewhere else before had perfect chances to end Chaldea after infiltration but played too much with their food. Atlantis is 2nd best in terms of making me feel cornered even more than Olympus which in-universe doesn't make much sense.

So having that feeling in mind I wrote it more like DND character driven where the characters determine the story rather than the other way around, where we know that since Chaldea will win & we know the Crypters can't succeed, it lacks that extra tension, hence why Kirschtaria was memed to death everytime he mentioned winning & fans pointed out he was the 5th LB. Nobody ever felt Kirchstaria might accomplish his goal after all, or that his plot might meaningful extend past it. Hence why I made my 6th chapter the War of Alvalion Vs Olympus, had Crypters interfere in each other's LBs & had Chaldea leave before defeating the Crypters, to break the formula that after dealing with one LB you move on the to next in a linear fashion, hence removing the limitations set on the story due to the media format.

[jishara]

Ah makes sense friend! Also, updated my Princess Elisabeth of France and Hina Keahi and Kuluua sheets.

[jishara]

Lucille Desmoulins has been added to my french singularity. Also, anyone know how to edit the blog now? In this April Fool's mode it keeps signing me out whenever I go to it.

[jishara]

Lucille Desmoulins has been added to my french singularity.