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Thread: Secret Santa Contest (2019) Voting and Judging

  1. #1
    woolooloo Kirby's Avatar
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    Secret Santa Contest (2019) Voting and Judging

    Same rules, go go:

    Any member of BL can vote and participate in judging, even if you didn't write anything. If you vote for your own fic (as in, the one you wrote), that vote won't count and will go wasted.

    Each voter gets up to three (3) votes, that works by ranking your top 3 fics. Your top fic gets 3 points, your second-place fic gets 2 points, your third-place gets 1 point. Of course, if you don't have a top 3, you don't have to vote for three fics. In the end, all the points are tallied up and whichever fic has the most points is the winner. To vote, post the votes and rankings in this thread.

    Voting closes in a little over a week, 1/8. You can also post your reviews in this thread or the other thread, but it's not required to do so here. Feedback or detailed reviews are not required, but are encouraged if you can do so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dullahan View Post
    there aren't enough gun emojis in the thousandfold trichiliocosm for this shit


    Linger: Complete. August, 1995. I met him. A branch off Part 3. Mikiya keeps his promise to meet Azaka, and meets again with that mysterious girl he once found in the rain.
    Shinkai: Set in the Edo period. DHO-centric. As mysterious figures gather in the city, a young woman unearths the dark secrets of the Asakami family.
    The Dollkeeper: A Fate side-story. The memoirs of the last tuner of the Einzberns. A record of the end of a family.
    Overcount 2030: Extra x Notes. A girl with no memories is found by a nameless soldier, and wakes up to a world of war.

  2. #2
    Don't @ me if your fanfic doesn't even have Shirou/Illya shipping k thnx ItsaRandomUsername's Avatar
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    3: The Lost Branch
    2: Eyes
    1: Blood Circuit.

    It was a pretty close race between my top three favorites. On any given day a different fic could've placed higher than other. Really telling of the quality and effort between the top placers, even given the difference in subject matter and approaches to said subject matter.

    G to the G, folks. This contest was pretty satisfying, overall.
    Last edited by ItsaRandomUsername; January 1st, 2020 at 02:03 PM.
    McJon01: We all know that the real reason Archer would lose to Rider is because the events of his own Holy Grail War left him with a particular weakness toward "older sister" types.
    My Fanfics. Read 'em. Or not.



  3. #3
    1: no. i/Fist = Hammer > Nail
    2: Blood Circuit
    3: The Lost Branch

    Reasoning based on prompt execution, innovation, stylistic flair, intangible attraction. It's a pleasant problem when multiple entries have a case for top billing; quite honestly I'm not sure if I shouldn't single out just the top spot with how close the other contenders were between themselves. You were good Secret Santas.

    Edit: The judging, for reference:

    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Eyes

    Good opening. Plain and effective, it sketches out a realistic environmental and emotional landscape, the latter being its greatest strength. The protagonist's circumstances ring of verisimilitude, and the intrusion of the supernatural is properly jarring, if perhaps muted in its psychological impact; the missed calls notification is a well-chosen device that helps carry a lot of emotion in that direction when necessary. As the tale of a character who's insignificant/mundane in the grand scheme of things experiencing a short but life-altering brush with the plot/supernatural, it hits the right buttons competently. I would contend that it doesn't hit them as hard as it should to perform above the formulaic norm. While grading based on a story's scope/ambition is sometimes an unconscious decision, well-trodden scenarios visited with a personal flair/innovation, a subversion of expectations, or sheer excellence in a literary aspect clearly elevates that instance from being perfunctory exercises of a standard concept - or comparison fodder. What Eyes lacked is precisely such a standout quality; it is a well-written story rendered mundane by its content, that I didn't feel a lot about, whose continuation I don't care to see.

    no. i/Fist = Hammer > Nail

    An intriguing premise and destination, intent on painting in a piece of that vast, empty space on the map between Britain and Japan. Small details - the enforcer's creed, the many uses of runes - are the little things that sell the image and the piece's authenticity in the narrow TM fanfic sense. There are instances of wording that captures its object of depiction very well, with the abrupt dissociation from the familiar-turned-alien compared to hyper-awareness of one's own tongue fantastically on-point; but also some obscurity in the spatial transitions, even allowing for some degree of fuckery with bounded fields. Plotwise my impression is of a mirror image of Eyes: the unique ideas are in evidence but their execution is hasty, almost sloppy, and Bazett's underlying personal struggle is tied to the unfolding action almost in abstraction, its role to provide an instance of irony - that an extreme expression of the thing Bazett wants is stifled by ingrained performative qualities - and otherwise related in detachment; emotional conflict rendered matter-of-fact. If that was the intended effect, underscoring her estrangement from her own emotions, the narrative payoff is similarly muted. In short, it blew its load too quickly, and both the suspense of the mission and the exploration of the theme suffered for it; there is also the sense that even more can be made of the innovative setting. Still, interesting things happen in a memorable way. Did you happen to watch Netflix's Witcher recently?

    Spinning Wheels [Fate/Zero AU - College/University] [Kayneth x Waver] [NSFW]

    Memery is the final refuge of the desperate, and there was obviously some desperation involved in the writing process. Consequently there isn't much to say about it. Some nice looks into the mental spasms induced by perennial anxiety and funny parallels to situations in canon deliver the chuckles. As it stands it's less than incomplete - merely a prologue. One only hopes that when it gets to the porn Kayneth will be a power bottom. Finish it, you knob. Also did you miss that this should be Tsukihime?

    Palingenetic Descension

    There are hints of an intent to invoke a mythic mode of storytelling, which isn't specified by the prompt, that works out fairly well for the thematic. The vivid imagery in the temple segment strikes a fine cadence of alluring grotesqueness, sensuous and monstrous forms, and a red mist of demonic revelry suffusing it like an arthouse film's colour filter - the horror that provides a lot of that is similarly balanced. It is there that the spirit of the subject matter comes through best. The execution of the prompt's particulars felt rather abstract; if the aforementioned narrative mode was more fully embraced, vagueness in the specifics of the events would synergise more with their framing. Overall, I liked it more than I thought I would.

    The Lost Branch

    You attempt to portray, without exaggeration, something very difficult: to shake off the memes and depict what apprenticeship to Zelretch means, what his perspective looks like, and to give the man himself a new dimension while making sure his original one doesn't slip into parody. In this you succeed. The Zelretch we are shown has a depth and complexity of personality that allows for a rationalisation of his qualities - his formative experiences - to be traced. He has a strong sense of duty for a reason, his powers were developed to operate in specific ways, and he wasn't brought into the world a perfectly formed character. Revisiting one of his past 'failures' is an excellent way to depict this progression, in the youthful recklessness of a man with awesome power who hasn't yet realised the cost that it entails and the responsibility that he holds; accept my appreciative nod at the tribute to Lunatique in the framing device of a tale to a student as well. That I am unfamiliar with the crossover had no bearing at all on the experience, as the premise was laid out in clear enough terms - I imagine that delivering it in a way that didn't sound completely ridiculous was the most difficult part. There is a tasteful sprinkling of details and homages - lore that was or-would-be, in some other world/work - and a clear idea of what a world would look like to someone who has seen so many of them - seen in Zelretch identifying people by title or family name, which are more constant throughout worlds than individual identities. Exposition is handled well for the most part, excluding some heavy-handed, positively GDesque mentions of Alaya and the Throne in conversation, which must have shifted timelines from the tree where you are a prolific FFN author. In the same vein, I do not think the details about the other side of the crossover add anything to the whole; some things should only be alluded to, and a revelation of the cosmic thunderdome ought to drive the point home without the full scoop on the workings behind it. Still, a story about someone as powerful as Zelretch being pervaded by a sense of hopelessness as each failsafe measure comes up short and his powers prove inadequate should be commended. That you did this while skipping all the cool explosion-laden parts with the best textual justification for timesaving/laziness that I've seen doubly so. Good job, you made one of the deadliest prompts known to man work.

    The Golden Sword

    Another one that seems to have been written under the pressure of time, with pacing and flow suffering for it. Eschewed paragraphs, focus that flits manically all over the place, and a lack of narrative buffers that allow each element its time and space to sink in compose the picture of a rushed piece with little control over its own pace. If the intent was to depict a muggle being overcome with a sense of wonderment at the myriad displays of opulence and magic, it simply does not convey that effect, at least in its current formatting. Places, sights, introductions, thoughts on the present, thoughts on other things; this mass of information flies by without discernible rhyme and without coming together to create solid images about the setting or the characters, as it is not given enough space in between for the reader to process them, the transitions from one topic to the next perfunctory at best but mostly jarring. This is unfortunate especially because it undermines the descriptive flair that is liberally deployed throughout the piece - leaving none of the constituents introduced adequately, least of which the narrator/protagonist. An idea I would offer is to visualise the point of view as a camera that focuses/lingers on a specific sight/aspect of the world at a time, progressing according to the logic of movement in space; creating a more congruent experience of seeing the boat to share initial thoughts, entering and seeing the interior to establish the locus, meeting the people inside in a realistic/non-video-gamey talking-to-all-the-npcs way to set an introductory note for them and establish the premise through dialogue - all throughout you piece together a solid first image of the narrator. As you're dealing with OCs, assigning initial roles/traits for the reader to latch onto is important. Regardless, magic auctions are neat, and I'm down for Lei-Jun Lang and any insights about the Chinese magic order that she'd bring. This is ultimately another prologue, presumably aiming to go down the noir path of the prompt, and I would like to find out how it would develop.

    Blood Circuit

    Apropos of the preceding advice, this piece is very cinematic, as can be noticed in the very first scene, which very deliberately places its focus on audiovisual details - environmental shots, emphasised motions, tiny details in the physical world in full-blown zoom, all with a soundtrack playing in the background; downright traileresque. This is a mode that persists in all aspects of writing, the differentiation between them akin to shifting between cinematic techniques; following this trail of thought I would describe the genre at hand as stage drama with action thriller aspirations and an eclectic aesthetic debt. The primary specification is largely derived from the dialogue - the approach as well as the content - which I am finding difficult to describe; the closest I can get to feeling accurate is that the spoken lines are stark in structure, charged with the mood of a given scene, delivered with finality that all but implies the pause of deliberation before and after them, invoking rather than expressing. The flip side is that dramatic statements can also come off as the textual equivalent of 'rehearsed', which must also be tremendously unhelpful - think of it, if you will, in the context of the drama metaphor, affecting human interaction but building towards a greater effect than that of the content of dialogue on its interlocutors. The narrative structure, alternating from the finale in a good old-fashioned ascending boss rush punctuated by minion encounters which presents thrilling applications of the combat magus concept and the flashbacks establishing the backdrop of events and circumstances which led up to that point is a simple and effective method of ameliorating the cost of anchoring interpersonal relations and emotional responses on signifiers - sect unity and duty, betrayal, retribution - rather than organic development. The action is, again, excellent - an original imagining of magecraft's operation in China, the way it mingles with the muggle world, with a distinctive application of ye olde concept and a nice remembrance of qi being a thing - but the drama which lies at the heart of the piece is instantiated with a degree of style unequal to its substantiation. In human words, you key into the tenor of drama very well but there isn't enough substance to the drama for it to feel important, nor for the reader to feel much about it at all. The B-side scenes didn't do enough as character-establishing snapshots to provide a backbone to the action, telling the story in broad, impersonal strokes that relied too much on the aforementioned signifiers for investment in the human side of the drama to develop. Without distinct emotional attachments, the connections between the relationships that you lay down in the interludes and the aftermath of them being broken are left hanging, serving only to tie up the plot's cause and effect - not that the plot and its execution wasn't gratifying, quite the opposite, but I reckon criticism is more useful in a broader sense. In the spirit of nitpicking I would also note that placing the focus on the revenge story rather than the invocation of heroic spirits rendered the concept of ancestor channeling more of a cool feature of a story that didn't have the space or thematic disposition to dwell on it and follow the idea through; the way the prompt was executed - as a permutation of demi-Servants predicated, to my understanding, on ancestry - wasn't quite what I'd expected either. With the complaining quota fulfilled at great length, it should go without saying that I enjoyed this story quite a lot and am glad my prompt engendered its creation.

    The Fourth!?

    There are fundamental problems with the writing of this entry, such that I doubt a few ostentatious and vaguely condescending comments would rectify. Generally speaking, I would invite you to examine the other entries in this contest and replicate their descriptions of such things as the characters' thoughts and feelings, their surroundings, and the events that are occurring around them, even in the bare minimum of words, as that is a major factor of what constitutes good writing. It would also serve you well to acquire an understanding of tone and tonal consistency. I did not get the sense that this story aimed at anything less than a serious exploration of the prompt, yet it aims to pursue that by means of crack fanfiction. A workable definition of "serious" here would be "conforming to the internal logic and rules of the setting through realistic behaviour"; an example of "crack fanfiction" is Zelretch recruiting Shirou (why?) to go to the Root (how?) and record it (what?) with a camera (what??). Dialogue is also stilted at the best of times, disattached from the social dogma at worst; Rin talking about SELFLESSNESS is not the behaviour of a human being. I'm not sure what remedy to recommend for writing realistic human dialogue; your best bet is probably copying other fanfics, or the VN, or other media, or talking to people and watching them talk in real life. The rest of the entry might as well not have been posted, seeing as it appears to be a final boss from some non-TM visual novel reading out a wiki article to Shirou offscreen before he noticed the effulgent aura of SELFLESSNESS and offered to make him a god, thus triggering the total collapse of reality for all that I can tell. To say that it made no sense would undersell my incredulity at reading it. You essentially skipped telling any kind of story, and what you sent in as an entry was the equivalent of a skit transcribed on the phone during a toilet break. The prompt was technically fulfilled, though I'm sure no one was happy about it.
    Last edited by Leftovers; January 1st, 2020 at 04:12 PM.

  4. #4
    Presia messe noce yor tes mea TwilightsCall's Avatar
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    3 Points - Blood Circuit
    2 Points - no. i/Fist = Hammer > Nail
    1 Point - Palingenetic Descension


    Wrote all these reviews the days the fics hit, so I'll just copy/paste them here
    -------------------------------

    Eyes

    I think the main problem with this piece is that it's trying to be two things at once. It has the word count to make that not an implausible proposition, but I'm not sure it's pulled off so effectively. In the first half, it has a really strong emphasis on the mundane aspect of the prompt, to the point the supernatural aspect is limited to unspoken rumors, but the second half kind of fails to keep that feeling of mundane-ness, the out-of-place-ness that the main character should really be feeling in her situation.

    The second half, on the other hand, has a very obvious emphasis on the supernatural, to the point the mundanity of the rest of the piece is forgotten. But it doesn't really dive past the surface of the supernatural, leaving it as a superficial coating that serves to push the plot rather than to develop a story. If this continued, I imagine it could develop that superficial coating into something with more depth, but the lack of it in the piece added a layer of blandness to what should have been the exciting part of the story. In short, I was left wanting for more, in a bad way.



    no. i/Fist = Hammer > Nail

    I've been trying to figure out a way to fit the word 'anticlimax' into my comments, but I think I'll just let the bad joke lie.

    Tasteful in length, flavourful in construction. An unfortunate number of typos, to the point it made me wonder if they weren't included on purpose for some reason, though if they were it went over my head. All in all, quite a fun ride. Not quite what I had in mind when I started reading it, but undeniably appropriate in both tone and content.

    As the prompter, I'm quite happy with it. Thank you, author.



    Spinning Wheels

    Almost didn't read this one because of the NSFW tag, but decided to anyways, and so spent the entirety of the fic confused.

    That aside, a well put together piece. I really appreciated the flavour/tone of Kayneth's dialogue, despite all dialogue in the piece being rather minimal. Kayneth's in particular felt very effective in evoking his character. I can't say the same for Waver's, unfortunately. The decision to make 95% of the text exposition didn't really hurt it in the reading, but Waver fell kind of flat for me, and I suspect that's the reason.

    Either way, I would rate the piece distinctly "Good." Keep it up, author.



    Palingenetic Descension

    The switching timeframes was an interesting (and I think overall good) design choice. The piece as a whole felt a bit shallow thanks to the short length, but I have a disease that makes me write too many words, so take that with a grain of salt. All the scenes kind of just...happened, I didn't feel prepared for any of them and so it was hard to get invested in each one. I don't think this is because of the scene switching so much as it's because of the shortness of the scenes themselves.

    The whole assault thing seemed pretty unnecessary, but it's certainly very Type Moon, so I can't really fault you for that. Either way, as unnecessary as I felt it was, it wasn't done offensively or anything, so it's not something I'd take points off for.

    The writing itself is certainly not bad, I just wish there was a bit more depth to it. It felt like the author put a lot of effort into it, and had a solid grasp of the 'lore' behind their own piece, but I'm not sure it came through as clearly as it could have. Certainly worth the time spent reading it though. Would definitely read more like this.



    The Lost Branch

    I guess this is a crossover with something? No idea with what though.

    Compelling enough story I suppose, but the ending left me somewhat unsatisfied. I think it just felt too divested from Type Moon for me to really get a handle on it. The writing was decent enough though. The interjections from the pupil were suitably obnoxious and I found Zelretch's distaste for him very relatable.

    I feel like I really need to know what this is crossing over with to give it a fair response. I don't really get why the grafting thing happened, as the world didn't seem any different from normal, but I also find the whole concept of purging world lines to be stupid, so maybe I'm just too biased to give it a fair shot.

    From a technical standpoint (prose, construction, organization, etc) I have no complaints. Despite 'not getting it,' it didn't feel like a drag to read, and I never felt bored while reading it. I just don't think I have the background knowledge to appreciate what's happening content-wise.


    The Golden Sword

    I was one hundred percent sure where this was going right up until I read the prompt at the end, and it left me all sorts of confused.

    Knowing now, I can see where it was (and is) going, but what can I say, it had me right fooled right up til the end.

    All in all, decent enough. Unfortunate that it's more of a prologue than a story in and of itself, as I feel it didn't really dig deep enough into the story to get to the hook. There's a cool sword, and some people we don't really know anything about, and one of them is probably going to die I guess. I'd have to read more to say whether I really liked it or not, which is unfortunate given how often contest entries get expanded outside of them.


    Blood Circuit

    A very well put together piece. Similarly to Palingenetic Whatever, the jumping back and forth between time frames added a nice artistic flair to it that set it apart from the other entries. In contrast, this piece spent a lot more time in each scene, which made them feel very real and grounded despite the constant shifting.

    The switching between present and past tense in the prose itself was kind of disorienting. I didn't recognize the pattern til after I finished reading and went back to check. An interesting stylistic choice, but I guess I'm just too low IQ for it.

    As far as content, I quite liked the story. It seems to fit into the unofficial theme of this contest of stories not actually showing their climactic moments (the Bazett story, somewhat ironically, being the one outlier off the top of my head), but there was enough weight in the rest of the piece that I didn't mind the cliffhanger. Very well done as always, author.




    The Fourth?!

    I'm kind of at a loss as to what to say here. I get the impression the author is relatively unstudied in Type Moon lore, as the idea of Zelretch just "opening a door" to the Root and letting Shirou waltz in through it seems so far beyond the pale I don't even really want to bother criticizing it. I could go on about the inconsistencies with canon (and it wouldn't take long, given how short the fic is), but I can stomach breaking from canon for the sake of an interesting story, so I'll leave it at that.

    The prose itself is pretty rough. I was going to call out the dialogue in particular, but as the piece is literally 100% dialogue, that seems a bit redundant. The idea of the Fourth Magician having sequestered himself outside of reality, and an attempt to discover his hideout/out his location is an interesting premise though, and earns curiosity from me.

    Considering length and structure, this feels almost more like a proof of concept, or an introductory blurb rather than an actual fic. Certainly not the worst piece of work I've ever seen, but it could use some more time in the oven.

    Edit After Part 2 - Erm..a lot of time in the oven.
    Last edited by TwilightsCall; January 1st, 2020 at 04:30 PM.
    The Fourth Order - Long form, Church-centric story. Follows the life of a young knight within the Church, and her personal battle against the heretical.
    My other fanfiction - Almost entirely short stories and oneshots, except for the above

  5. #5
    Beats By Matthew ft. Dr. Para Rafflesiac's Avatar
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    3 pts: Spinning Wheels
    2 pts: The Lost Branch
    1 pt: Eyes
    Supports:


    Quote Originally Posted by Arashi_Leonhart View Post
    canon finish apo vol 3

  6. #6
    Inactive Imperial's Avatar
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    TwilightsCall and I have the same taste.

    3 points = Blood Circuit
    2 points = no i/Fist = Hammer > Nail
    1 point = Palingenetic Descension
    Honorable mention: Eyes. That one almost pushed Palingenetic out of a top spot.

    This was a really strong bunch overall. Only one story was a bore to read. Everything else ranges from good to great.
    Last edited by Imperial; January 1st, 2020 at 04:21 PM.
    Spoiler:
    Originally Posted by You
    when all the evils have given up their waifus, all the greats have left for med school, and there are no more at least 3 day battles to be fought what is left is

    not Tsukihime 2
    not DDD3
    not even Girl's Work

    but f/go

    and now f/go english

    that is what is waiting for you at the end of schadenfreude


  7. #7
    nicht mitmachen Dullahan's Avatar
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    I am bound to be honest, honest I am bound to be

    3 points: Blood Circuit
    2 points: Spinning Wheels
    1 point: Eyes

    Hon. mention: no. i/Fist = Hammer > Nail for being of mild philosophical interest. Not nearly weird enough to merit that DDD-esque title, alas
    ちょう
    もく


  8. #8
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    3 points: Blood Circuit
    2 points: Eyes
    1 points: Lost Branch

    Reviews to come later!
    My fanfics:
    The Gift (F/SN): The last duel between Cú Chulainn and Scáthach.
    Passion Acknowledged (F/SN): Shinji X Shirou lemon
    He Was a Good King (F/SN): Was Beowulf a good king?
    A Fairy Tale of Love and Death (F/SN): A meeting between Scáthach and King Hassan.
    Palingenetic Descension (Tsukihime): The origin of the Tohno family's hybrid nature.

  9. #9
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    The problem with reviewing after everyone else already went is that everyone else has already covered all that needed to be covered, but I'll offer a few thoughts in the hopes the authors will appreciate them.

    Eyes / Blood Circuit - Both stories were really good, and it was very difficult to pick the first place between them - it ultimately fell to personal preferences. I'd say Eyes' greatest strength was in Kana's characterisation, which always felt real and vivid; Blood Circuit's characters felt comparatively hazier to me, but it shone in the overall prose, which struck a good balance between descriptive enough to let me visualise all the action while still being fluid and dynamic.

    The Lost Branch / Hammer > Nail - Another pair which was difficult to decide on! Ultimately, Lost Branch won out because it had the better technical writing (Hammer > Nail had some typos, and the scenery transition could use some work), but both of them presented what I feel were very faithful depictions of canon characters - and more importantly, enjoyable depictions of said characters!

    Golden Sword - This was my prompt. It's got a strong hook, and the setting is established well enough, but I don't really feel these characters yet? Probably because it's still just a prelude. It was a good read, and I do hope you will continue it, so thanks for the gift! :-)

    Spinning Wheels - Well-written and enjoyable. If I don't rank it higher, it's just because neither the characters nor the subject matter particularly appeal to me. Sorry!

    The Fourth?! - I'll be honest, I thought it worked better when we had only the first part because then it seemed like it would veer into comedy, which I think could work; the finished product, though, isn't very good. Terribly sorry.
    My fanfics:
    The Gift (F/SN): The last duel between Cú Chulainn and Scáthach.
    Passion Acknowledged (F/SN): Shinji X Shirou lemon
    He Was a Good King (F/SN): Was Beowulf a good king?
    A Fairy Tale of Love and Death (F/SN): A meeting between Scáthach and King Hassan.
    Palingenetic Descension (Tsukihime): The origin of the Tohno family's hybrid nature.

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