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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #2201
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six SpoonyViking's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Master of Chaos View Post
    Not really. This is just an "embodiment of legend", "reputation given form"-type of Noble Phantasm after all. Even God Hand (arguably the most broken NP of that same category) is only a B Rank as well.
    Well, Grendel Buster is A+, but I see your point!

    Yeah, that NP is troubling for me as well. From the moment I started working on this sheet, I knew that Sidonia's trump card had to be the curse that (supposedly) brought down Pomerania. Yet, trying to figure out a way to make it convincingly menacing without going too much over the top was quite the headache. What you see here is actually the best compromise between the two that I could come up with
    This isn't necessarily a suggestion for you, but one thing I've found works immensely well both in tabletop games and when writing stories is adding some granularity; that is, instead of something being an all-or-nothing effect, it can have a varying level of effectiveness depending on the target's resistance.

  2. #2202
    妣國 Tabris's Avatar
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    Would anyone mind if I post summaries of the Servant sheets I'm either working on or have put on hold at the moment? At this point, I would really like someone to work with me to have even one of them out of my drawing board and into a post? Or is that considered poor form around these parts?
    Noob here. Sorry about that.

  3. #2203
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors AAM1232's Avatar
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    Go ahead, and don't forget that PMs exist if you feel like you're derailing the thread at any point.

  4. #2204
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tabris View Post
    Would anyone mind if I post summaries of the Servant sheets I'm either working on or have put on hold at the moment? At this point, I would really like someone to work with me to have even one of them out of my drawing board and into a post? Or is that considered poor form around these parts?
    I would suggest to perhaps make a blog instead. That way you can update it and it doesnt get buried over time

  5. #2205
    妣國 Tabris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    I would suggest to perhaps make a blog instead. That way you can update it and it doesnt get buried over time
    Not a bad idea. Hm.
    Noob here. Sorry about that.

  6. #2206
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Archer:

    Appearance:

    Source

    True Name: "King of Macrobia" (for convenience addresses himself as Parahu, their only king whose name is recorded in history)

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Alternate Class: Caster

    Strength- A
    Agility- D
    Endurance- B
    Mana- B
    Luck- C
    NP- B

    Personality
    A boisterous man who seems to exemplify the phrase "larger than life". Archer does everything in abundance, laughing raucously when happy, raging when angry and bursting into tears when sorrowful. This extends to his eating habits, as he favors huge feasts and drinking bouts. Being a king, Archer carries himself with the confidence one would expect of royalty. He can easily be seen as arrogant but Archer doesn't look down on others, he's just unshakably assured in his own abilities.

    Archer can actually be highly generous and magnanimous, prone to lavishing absurdly expensive gifts on those he's fond of or even just on a whim. His kingdom was so wealthy that Archer basically doesn't understand the existence of money-problems and can casually spend in ways that'd make his friends' faces pale. For instance, if his Master offhandedly remarked that they liked going to an old amusement park when they were a kid Archer might purchase the whole park and renovate it into a luxury attraction.

    Archer is very proud of his great strength and physique. He enjoys opportunities to test his strength like hunting and fighting worthy opponents. Having no particular wish on the Grail, Archer accepted summoning just for a chance to prove himself by battling other legendary heroes from across myth and history. While he seems like a bit of a musclehead Archer takes a great deal of concern for his personal appearance, frequently bathing and adorning himself with perfumes.

    Due to his association with the Land of Punt which was regarded in Egyptian mythology as the dwelling-place of Ra, Archer worships the sun-god by that name even though he wouldn't have been familiar with him in his original legend. Before any major battle he undertakes a special "purification ritual" that involves basking under the sun, and he recites a prayer to Ra when preparing to invoke his second Noble Phantasm.

    Likes: his body, luxuries, the sun
    Dislikes: stinginess, political scheming
    Talent: turning down bribes
    Natural Enemy: Cambyses II


    Class Skills:

    Independent Action- C
    The ability to sustain oneself in existence without a supply of magical energy from one's Master. At this rank, Archer can linger in the World for one day in the absence of an active contract.

    Magic Resistance- C
    Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank, spells with a chant below two verses are cancelled. Cannot cope against the likes of High Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals.


    Personal Skills:

    Charisma- B
    A Skill that comprises one's natural charm as well as the ability to command armies in battle. As the king of Macrobia, Archer's rank in this Skill is suitable for leading a nation.

    Golden Rule (Wealth & Body)- A
    A subspecies Golden Rule that denotes one's fortune in acquiring wealth, as well as possession of a natural and perfect godlike body. In Archer's case it's the sublimation of the great health and riches his people were famous for. The Macrobians were extolled by historian Herodotus as the "tallest and handsomest amongst all men" and gold was so plentiful in the region that they even bound their prisoners in the stuff. As their king, Archer naturally boasts both qualities in abundance. He can easily attract a fortune just by existing, and his bronzed muscular body won't lose its shape regardless of exercise or eating habits.

    Protection Of The Sun- C
    Demonstrates divine protection from the sun, personified by the god Ra in Egyptian mythology. Archer possesses this Skill thanks to his homeland's reputation as closest to the sun and dwelling-place of Ra. While bathed in direct sunlight he receives a + modifier to all physical parameters. Archer can also access a solar-element Mana Burst Skill that lets him charge his arrows with sunfire. This is similar to the regular Mana Burst (Flames) but it also imparts bonus damage towards unholy and demonic beings traditionally opposed to the sun, like demons and vampires, scorching their very essence with the wrath of Ra.


    Noble Phantasms
    Macrobian Bow
    Conquest By Might


    Rank: B

    Type: Anti-Unit

    According to legend the Persian emperor Cambyses II once approached Archer's kingdom in an attempt to pacify him with luxury gifts. In response Archer, who was famed for his massive stature, sent back only an unstrung bow. He declared that if the Persians were capable of drawing back the bow they'd be worthy of invading his homeland. If not, they should thank the gods that Archer decided not to invade them.

    That anecdote sublimates into Archer's first Noble Phantasm, taking the form of a huge greatbow. Even drawing this bow is only possible by a Servant with Strength ranked A or higher. Furthermore by calling on its true name, Archer can fire a shot that enforces the concept of "right of conquest through overwhelming strength". If it hits the opponent they'll have to pass a check that compares their Strength stat to Archer's own. If theirs is lower they'll be "conquered" by Archer, letting him redesignate one of their Noble Phantasms as his own. If the target's Strength is equal or higher than Archer's, it only functions as a particularly powerful arrow shot.


    Ta Netjer Punt
    Gods, Bless This Land Into Utopia


    Rank: B

    Type: Barrier

    A Noble Phantasm crystallizing Archer's kingdom, Macrobia, which was sometimes seen in the same light as the Land Of Punt fabled in Egyptian mythology. A place of unparalleled prosperity, the Egyptians traded many valuable goods from it such as gold, frankincense and wild animals. From a mere trading-post it became revered as a utopic Eden, the dwelling-place of the gods themselves. To invoke this Noble Phantasm Archer points his bow skyward and fires four arrows that rain down forming the vertices of a geometric square. Archer then recites its true name to establish a Bounded Field between the arrows where he may recreate a sliver of his former homeland.

    Punt was called "Land of the Gods" not just for its natural abundance but because the god Ra was believed to dwell there, as it was located in the direction of the rising sun. As such the territory claimed by this Noble Phantasm is blessed by Ra, so those within enjoy a powerful divine protection, healing and invigorating them with the warmth of the sun. Conversely, enemies who try to transgress on the Bounded Field by force are rebuked by solar fire, the fury of Ra himself scorching those who'd defile his lands. Naturally, demonic and unholy beings suffer the greatest damage from this.

    As a visual effect, flowers that gleam gold like sunlight bloom across the domain encompassed by the Bounded Field.





    So I saved up two sheets over the last week in case they fit the contest theme. Since they didn't I'll be posting them up here. This one was an idea Shiki-pon suggested a while back but I just got inspired to take it up recently. As usual comments and critiques would be welcome. Thanks for reading y'all!

  7. #2207
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    King of Bara-crobia: Really cool guy. I like the Bow NP, it remembers me of a movie I saw years ago. I think Dwayne The Rock played some egypt and there was a hard to draw bow as well. But the faceclaim just steals the show, god dammit the artist really hits my taste buds with his art style. But not really for his lewd stuff. So good
    So will you not make a sheet for the contest? Horror draws from atmosphere and you have shown you can weave good stories, so I'd like to see some horror-y stuff

  8. #2208
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    King of Bara-crobia: Really cool guy. I like the Bow NP, it remembers me of a movie I saw years ago. I think Dwayne The Rock played some egypt and there was a hard to draw bow as well. But the faceclaim just steals the show, god dammit the artist really hits my taste buds with his art style. But not really for his lewd stuff. So good
    So will you not make a sheet for the contest? Horror draws from atmosphere and you have shown you can weave good stories, so I'd like to see some horror-y stuff
    Thanks for the feedback. The FC is actually meant to be Bhima from Hindu Mythology, but it otherwise fit pretty well how I imagined this guy's character.

    And I might still submit an entry for the prompt, it's just the ones I wrote before didn't fit. I do have an idea that could work, though it's a figure that's been written before in the contest I plan to do my own take on her.

  9. #2209
    Oh man I can see this King of Macrobia getting along with Iskandar and winning an eating contest against Artoria^^

  10. #2210
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    "Good tidings, Master, would you like a cup of tea?"

    Class: Caster
    Alignment: Neutral Evil
    Source: Fairy Tales?
    Region: Germany
    Likes: Baking
    Dislikes: Jealous people, Children(?), Misunderstandings
    Natural Enemy: Hansel and Gretel

    Parameters:
    Strength: E
    Endurance: E
    Agility: D
    Mana: B
    Luck: E

    Class Skills:

    Territory Creation B
    A Caster-class Skill. It is the Skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. Caster can create a veritable confection factory that boosts her production ability.

    Item Construction -
    This skill is lost in favor of Confection Construction.

    Personal Skills:

    Innocent Monster B
    An attribute possessed by Servants whose true history and existence have been distorted by the monstrous reputations and gossips they accrued across the course of their life and thereafter, without concern for the actual person's will or appearance. As a consequence, the Servant's abilities and appearance have been rendered to conform to the specifications of their legend. Being branded as a witch who was killed in self defense and then being made the villain of a reimagined tale she knew that was wholly untrue, her appearance shifted and her mind was distorted along with the appearance of new abilities.

    Witchcraft (False) C+
    A Skill that signifies one as a practitioner of Witchcraft. This magecraft has roots in both the eastern and western worlds. A western style of it is used, however, as Caster was never originally a practitioner of any sort and only gained knowledge due to Innocent Monster, a luck check needs to be occasionally made to insure a positive, or the intended, result. Success of luck checks bolster when using a personal made item.

    Confection Construction A
    A variant of Item Construction influenced by Innocent Monster, denoting the ability to create items out of any sweets she makes or uses from weapons to potions of limited mortality. Even before her distortion, she was known to be a skilled baker that sold many treats, a favorite being gingerbread.

    Noble Phantasm

    "Come all, view my oven, and burn in it!"
    Hexenofen: The Baker Witch's Oven
    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: C+

    The signature oven featured in the story of Hansel and Gretel where the witch intended to bake Hansel in but was instead thrown in and burned alive by Gretel. The oven itself is primarily stationary but can be moved manually with some difficulty. Despite this relative lack of motility, it emits a subtle fascination effect on people that beckons them closer to the point where "one can easily be pushed inside". Once inside, the flames of the oven subsequently break down the victim's body and convert it into magical energy molded into the form of sweets that can be consumed or used for Caster's Confection Construction. Due to the two occasions that it has used to burn "witches", the flames carry an anti-thaumaturgy effect, making it difficult to escape with magecraft. A weakness of the oven is that with sufficient enough strength, one can escape the oven into safety, provided they aren't quickly offed afterwards, and that the fascination effect can be ignored.


    Personality

    "Have you ever tasted caramelized mana? It's quite the treat. No? Well more for me then."

    Caster composes herself as a polite woman, if quite morbid at times. She speaks casually of whatever she's been doing at the time whether it's baking or causing suffering. This attitude may have been birthed from making peace with, or, more likely, being resigned to, the idea that she is the villain now. She isn't aggressive nor passionate about her mannerisms but simply acts out of engraved obligation. Though, leaning onto the idea that there is no other substance to her is a quick way to garner quiet enmity.

    "Ah, they're here again. Well it's about time I take my leave."

    As expected, she carries a distrust of children but doesn't seem to act on it, preferring to keep a close eye on their movements or outright leave if she can. She keeps the clear awareness that her feelings are quite irrational but doesn't want to chance upon the idea of what happens if she is left alone with a child.

    "We've been together quite a while. I can't imagine how you managed to put up with this kind of person. How about I let you have something to celebrate your success? I'll take a request, any request."

    Caster understands the significance of the contract between Master and Servant but will treat the position as she would any other thing. Any Master who earns her affection will quickly learn that she does not do things by halves. Caster's wish for the Holy Grail would be to create a truth for her existence that people can uncover.

    Last edited by Vance; February 2nd, 2021 at 12:22 PM.

  11. #2211
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    DO NOT drink her cup of 'tea'

  12. #2212
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    DO NOT drink her cup of 'tea'
    Wait, why? Is it blood or something? (Be me who only knows mild scraps of info on the namesake of the character image)

  13. #2213
    She puts her bodily fluids in her tea, which could be literally anything.

    Also, who is the original figure supposed to be?

  14. #2214
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    Well for a bit of background, I was looking up fairy tales that may have had some truth to them and stumbled upon a "truth" for Hansel and Gretel painting them as invaders who killed an innocent woman for her gingerbread recipe and claimed that she was a witch afterwards. Not long after that I found that this story was apparently a very elaborate prank made for amusement but by then I was well into the sheet and didn't want to scrap so I went the Kojiro route and made someone who isnt the witch but fit the qualifications nonetheless. So, yes, she is technically an original character. Also, a side note is that some people still believe that the story is true despite the man's claims.

  15. #2215
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    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; July 3rd, 2022 at 08:30 PM.
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  16. #2216
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    If you still want to do stuff related fairy tales with elements of truth to them I would recommend the evil stepmother, that character has several plausible links to characters like Ælfthryth (wife of Edgar), Medea and a few other characters in greek myth like Hera, Shun from the Chinese story Twenty-four Filial Exemplars, and Svipdag's stepmother in Norse myth as some examples (one explanation could be to possibly have the evil stepmother be a sort of curse that Hera set up back during the greek age of the gods, which lingered even after her death [kinda like Ishtar's curse on Gilgamesh and Enkidu in Strange Fake]).
    Hm, thanks for the suggestions. I'll look into those.

  17. #2217
    魔境の智慧 Anju Addams's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vance View Post
    Hm, thanks for the suggestions. I'll look into those.
    You could also go down the route of the evil stepmother being Snow White's biological mother - as in the first edition of Grimm's Fairy Tales.


    Servant Sheet Compilation
    Pronouns - She/Her
    'Winner' of the Legendary Jack-Off

  18. #2218
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Servant Assassin:

    Appearance:


    True Name: Heitsi-eibib

    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    Alternate Classes: Archer, Caster

    Strength- C+
    Agility- A
    Endurance- D
    Mana- B
    Luck- A
    NP- A

    Personality
    A fickle and mischievous girl, who likes pulling pranks and having fun. She's willing to help others and perform heroic acts but not really out of a sense of justice, more for her own satisfaction in taking down threats no normal person could match. Assassin is fiercely competitive and always up for a challenge. She firmly believes in the adage "the bigger they are the harder they fall", delighting in bringing down opponents who boast of being invincible.

    She seems like a cocky person but actually always has a dozen plans floating around her head for how to escape a given situation if it goes south. In her free time Assassin enjoys the company of nature and wild animals. She's somewhat uncomfortable in modern environments like cities, finding their density suffocating.

    Assassin doesn't have any particular wish on the Holy Grail, choosing to be summoned merely for another chance to see the world and have fun. Of course, she wouldn't turn down the chance to prank some of those other powerful and oh-so-uptight legendary heroes either...

    Likes: hunting, pulling pranks, the outdoors
    Dislikes: cramped spaces, arrogant people
    Talent: everything necessary for a trickster hero
    Natural Enemy: Ga-gorib


    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment- C
    The talent to cut off one's presence as a Heroic Spirit. However the level of concealment drops sharply the moment one prepares to attack. At this rank Assassin can skillfully hide her presence from most beings, though she can still be detected through scrying and other magical forms of perception.

    Furtive and cunning, Assassin won many of her skirmishes through quick wits and striking when the enemy was distracted rather than honorable combat. Thus she possesses this Skill.


    Personal Skills:

    Projectiles (Stones)- A
    Denotes an aptitude for thrown weapons; in Assassin's case, stones. At this rank, thrown stones become comparable to bullets from a high-powered rifle and are capable of demolishing a brick wall at close range. The anecdote of her felling the otherwise invincible demonic beast Ga-gorib with a thrown stone equates to a high rank in this Skill.

    Divinity- C
    A Skill qualifying one's aptitude as a Divine Spirit. While a human, Assassin was sometimes revered as a god for her exploits, giving her a modest rank in this Skill.

    Shapeshift- B+
    The ability to alter one's shape through magical means. A trickster hero, Assassin was known for taking all kind of shapes along her travels, both for disguise and just her own amusement. She can freely shift her gender (though Assassin prefers the form of a teenage girl) and physical details, as well as transform into animals. However greater feats of shapeshifting like changing her whole body into another animal require a lot of concentration from Assassin and so can be disrupted by breaking her focus.

    In battle she mainly assumes the form of a given animal only briefly, like turning into a gorilla to deliver a hammerfist punch on the enemy or slipping into a small animal like a fox to pull a quick getaway. Though Assassin can choose to only transform parts of her body, conserving focus and Mana. For instance turning just her arm into a gorilla's and punching the enemy, or morph her legs into a cheetah's for a momentary burst of speed.


    Noble Phantasms
    Ga-gorib's Bane
    Look Over There... Gotcha!


    Rank: C+

    Type: Anti-Unit

    One legend amongst the Hottentot people records the time when a fearsome demon called Ga-gorib terrorized the land. Ga-gorib would plant itself by the mouth of a deep pit and force passersby to throw rocks at him. When they took the bait the rocks would deflect off the monster's hardened skin and rebound back at the thrower, knocking them into the pit where Ga-gorib could safely devour them. Eventually as the number of deaths piled up the people implored Assassin to finally defeat the beast.

    Always eager for a challenge Assassin approached Ga-gorib's pit. Realizing she wouldn't be able to get past the monster's guard Assassin bided her time until Ga-gorib was distracted before throwing a rock at its blind-spot behind the ear. This stunned the demon and knocked it into the pit where Assassin could finish it off, much as it did to its victims.

    Her strategy for bringing down the demon reputed to be "invincible" has become Assassin's primary Noble Phantasm. It conceptualizes as a technique for hitting the opponent's blind-spot, which can be enacted regardless of whatever weapon or tool Assassin uses (though she favors stones as personal preference), provided she throws it with her bare hands. Upon invoking this Noble Phantasm's true name any projectile Assassin throws will bend its trajectory to seek out the back of the opponent's head.

    Even if she hurled it head-on at the opponent right in front of them the projectile would still curve around to strike them from behind, making it tricky to guard against. Furthermore, assuming it hits the intended mark any special defensive abilities the enemy has will be disregarded if below B-rank, ensuring the shot deals the appropriate level of damage. An exceedingly simple yet deceptive Noble Phantasm that more than suits Assassin's crafty nature and eye for seizing the most direct path to victory.

    Being a technique-based Noble Phantasm, Ga-gorib's Bane expends remarkably little Mana to use, allowing Assassin to easily invoke it multiple times in succession.


    Rebirth Cairn
    Death Cannot Take Me


    Rank: A

    Type: Support/Anti-Death

    Assassin was venerated as a god who stood astride the boundary of life and death. She would wander the land, dying only to rise again, never truly giving up her life of fun. The trail of funeral cairns across southern Africa is a testament to this trait of Assassin's, each one a marker of her prior death.

    These anecdotes crystallize into the greatest Noble Phantasm allowing Assassin to cheat death itself. Given securing the leylines of her surroundings she can set up a funeral cairn for herself. This cairn takes from between two hours and a full day to establish, depending on the strength of the region's leylines. Then once Assassin "dies" she'll automatically resurrect a day later at the nearest cairn, popping fully formed from the earth itself.

    Put in videogame terms this Noble Phantasm lets Assassin to create a "savepoint" for herself that activates whenever she dies. However each cairn is only usable once as it crumbles apart afterwards, requiring Assassin to set up a new one. There's no limit on how many cairns Assassin can have active at a time, but they have to be within 100 miles of each other, so no putting one on the other end of the country. Each "savepoint" can be disabled by destroying the cairn it corresponds to, depleting Assassin's stock of lives. They emit a subtle magical signature so enemy Servants will be able to track down the cairns and eliminate them.





    So this is the second sheet I'd been saving up for the contest. As usual feel free to drop by with comments and criticisms. Thanks for reading!

  19. #2219
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    So, any thoughts on my Heitsi-eibib?

  20. #2220
    アルテミット・ワン Ultimate One asterism42's Avatar
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    no
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandstorm77 View Post
    He's just putting the bone of his sword into other people until it explodes and lets out parts of him inside them.
    Quote Originally Posted by AvengerEmiya View Post
    Genderswaps are terrible, but I think I and other people would hate them less if Fate didn't keep ignoring actual heroines throughout history and folklore. Like, why bother turning Francis Drake into a woman when Ching Shih and Grace O'Malley exist?
    Quote Originally Posted by Five_X View Post
    Fate Zero is just Fate Stay Night for people who think Shirou is too girly
    Quote Originally Posted by Comun View Post
    I think Alex IV can eat Goku.

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