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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #4181
    Ominous Shadowy Spoiler Figure Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skull View Post
    Yeesh, LB6 is in less than two weeks? Man I was enjoying a hiatus but now y'all are going to see me spam Sheets to get my ideas in before canon claims them.


    Oh yeah, I need to make my own thing as well. One day I'll get around to it...
    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    LB7 gonna be interesting what they gonna do with the Aztec story.
    Not really interested in LB6 yet because uuuggghh Artoria AGAIN. Hope the supporting cast is interesting and to compare the works of Morg and Skull with the canon ones.
    After LB6 perhaps it is a good time to dust of my 6 Aztec servants from my rookie days and make them ready before Nasu poops on my ideas
    Personally I would just say "divergent evolution" or alternate take and possibly stick with your ideas (possibly try to avoid looking in depth with the lore and details for new servants). I would personally advise against trying to spam or force sheets. Generally in those cases I find that only leads to me feeling burned out, me feeling the sheet launched not fully living up to what it could be or with major issues (sometimes it works out, but most of the time I find at best I feel the sheet is meh at best to "I could/should have done better" at worst). Ultimately you can do what you want, but really I just go with the angle of "Beyond a certain point what Typemoon says doesn't matter" (ie. I would always prefer to make something I enjoy and find fun and interesting rather than something which complies with what is said in canon, but feels like I was creatively bottlenecked as a result).
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

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  2. #4182
    リビングデッド Living Dead BoktaiMoon's Avatar
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    I mean agreed

    Nasuverse does plenty of stupid shit all the time and I am not gonna let that hold me back from making servant sheets

    Case in point Gawain. Well my lady love is dead time to slut it up! is what he says bout Ragnelle in canon lol
    Last edited by BoktaiMoon; June 2nd, 2021 at 09:05 PM.

  3. #4183
    屍食鬼 Ghoul
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    Rider of Contracts remaster



    https://worm.fandom.com/wiki/Teacher
    link to bigger version of picture and inspiration
    the center person is the face clam only his body except his head is cover in sickly green scales that are interlocked to the point they appear like they are stitched together and behind the pointless glasses are eyes with slitted pupils like a snake with a nictitating membrane aka an invisible eyelid.

    origin: England Abrahamic mythology lostbelt


    Sex: male potently hermaphrodite


    alignment: Lawful Evil

    Strength:C+
    Endurance: A
    Agility :C
    Mana:B
    Luck:C

    Attribute: Earth, dragon, Abrahamic, demonic


    Likes: tyrants, civilization, control, stagnancy


    Dislikes: Civil wars, rebellion, independent thought, change, chaos


    VA: Kunito Watanabe


    natural enemies: Rider of the new age, any heroic spirit with Pioneer of the stars


    personality: due to being summoned under the rider class, his written works have overtaken his mental state to the point it would be far of to say his written work and perception of his work is the rider whatever remains of the original is the mindless steed what remains is a being obsessed with the concept of an absolute ruler and that freedom is highly unnecessary if not unneeded for society's happiness, believes that all attempts by an individual to change the world will fail miserably do to the inherent mindless savagery of humanity.


    class skill
    Riding: C Because he does not have an anecdote of riding anything special or worth mentioning.

    personal skills

    Self-Modification: EX do to the effect of the first noble phantasm, other beings can be assimilated into his saint graph with near no limit however the larger or greater the internal energy the greater the chance he will lose control of the aggregated mass of what was assimilated which case major mutation which can include extra limbs, heads, even entire bodies forming out of his body creating abomination.

    Image of the Masses: A+
    a combination skill of Innocent Monster and Ephemeral Dream where the perception of the masses of him and in his case his work has consumed him mind, body and soul turning him into a pathetic parody of himself.


    polymath: E
    A skill given to those with expertise in many fields including science, math, and philosophy works like a mix of appreciation of the arts and item creation, the rank is decreased do that aspect barely being in focus.



    Leviathan
    Contract of great Intertwining beast
    rank: Ex
    type: Anti unit
    Based on his most famous work. It has two abilities primary one to assimilated other beings into his saint graph and gaining access to everything abilities, normal skills even memories it's what gives him his Self-Modification skill the assimilation takes the appearance of threads made of scales coming out of his body overtaking lifeform being assimilated then them being dragged into his body, mind you it is possible to destroy the threads and escape, a command seal used to teleport would work provided it is used before the servant in direct physical contact is made, can only target one being at a time and mass is taken into account the larger a being the longer the assimilation process takes. However, the other ability is where the true power of it comes from,[and the face claim makes sense] he can copy-paste things that he has assimilated into other being giving them traits what he has absorbed at the price of certain amounts of free will the more or unique traits "taught" the greater loss of self-control of the "student".
    For an example of the ratio of exchange look underneath this sentence.
    one generic skill {such as above average charisma or knowledge of normal martial arts or a mundane knowledge such as another modern language} or minorly enhanced body would make them far more likely to listen to him.
    2 or 3 generic skills, average magic circuits, additional limbs, or a borderline supernatural talent in a mundane subject such as programming, chemistry, mathematics however they will develop an obsession with doing his bidding.
    4 or 5 generic skill, above average magic circuits prodigy with magecraft, divine words, a body that could go beyond the power of weakest of a heroic spirit in strength however it turns them to the equivalent of a religious zealot with his orders and have trouble making major decisions without the help of Rider.


    De cive
    the Brutes of Independence
    rank: C++
    type anti-progress
    based on an earlier piece of work. nullifies and destroys everything not created by a collective aka from a single person however it can only affect things discovered or made by pure human hands so anything made by inhuman hands such as fey, divine spirits, demigods, or those with phantasmal blood is unaffected also something commissioned by a person but built by multiple people would be unaffected.


    relationships

    [Rider of a new age, moon cancer of stories, alter ego of mystery, caster of demons, Rider of horizon, lancer of pagans, avenger of rebellion, Saber of death ]
    you dare show your face to me you who destroyed that perfect beautiful world.


    [qin Shi Huang [lostbelt] or any other tyrant ]yes perfect rulers they rule as they should.


    Arturia
    Pendragon, Marie Antoinette the reason you failed is that you gave the masses freedom didn't remind them of the fact that by becoming your subjects they gave up their freedom.

    trivia
    the servant of the crypter in וואָס איז געשען אין די נאָמען פון ליבע איז ווייַטער פון גוט און בייז aka When is done in the name of love is beyond good and evil in Hebrew

    the composition of his saint graph is 51% Leviathan novel, 40% De Cive,8% Leviathan creature 1% Thomas Hobbes.


    if Thomas Hobbes was summoned without the skill
    Image of the Masses he would be horrified and disgusted of Rider of contracts and Rider of contracts would find the other him a Useless coward.



    bonus info

    I personally hate stats because they are basically pointless except with certain circumstance but because you have badgered me
    the bolded servant name for some of my ideas
    ​is this better also the structure of this is do to grammarly

    Updated Today at 10:55 PM by Areop-Enap
    Last edited by Areop-Enap; June 5th, 2021 at 05:38 PM.

  4. #4184
    A.K.A. Rick, apparently realcasually's Avatar
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    ...What?

  5. #4185
    屍食鬼 Ghoul
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    it is a servant idea of mine

  6. #4186
    Darkness there, and nothing more Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    The formatting leaves much to be desired, as it's overall just a big mess.
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  7. #4187
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    did something change since the last time you posted it in the contest? And why use this messy format when I sent you a normal one back then?

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  8. #4188
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    I cant even tell who this servant should be .
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  9. #4189
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    It is supposed to be Thomas Hobbes

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    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

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  10. #4190
    Ominous Shadowy Spoiler Figure Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Okay I know I need to work on the fixes to Erlang-Shen and Wendigo Curse (I will get those done) and the rest of the reviews (also working on those, but yet again I feel I should do this while the iron is hot and my thoughts are fresh.


    Rider of Contracts: Normally I don't place formatting issues or choices at the center of this review, as similar I find generally while a bad system of formatting can hurt a sheet, it's hard to for it to ruin it. But, all rules have exceptions, and this is the exception. While certainly unique and it does stand out as a servant sheet due to the formatting, the formatting also makes reading this sheet a mess. A bunch of the sheet is bolded or italic for no reason, why? Bold and Italic much like underlining should be used sparingly to draw emphasis to something or to serve a purpose, I use bold on the parameters to make them stand out without altering the text size, I use bold on the skill names, noble phantasms names, and ranks to serve as a marker alongside natural breaks (and if the parameter is ranked B without a plus or minus also Italic on the B to prevent BBcode from having the B in brackets interfere wit the blog command) with me using 1 blank space line between different skills if the personal or class skills are 1 paragraph, 2 lines between different skills if the class or personal skills have more than 1 paragraph of text to them (to make sure the reader knows that alongside the bold text that this is the start of a new skill, not a continuation on the explanation for the prior skill), and 3 blank lines if the class skill explanation is so long that I feel I need to put special emphasis that this is the start of a new skill (generally 4 paragraphs or more or very dense explanations).

    These kinds of smart formatting choices alongside others like trying to not make paragraphs too long without a blank line so the reader doesn't lose their place, using an alternating system of 1 blank line and 2 blank lines for things 4 paragraphs or longer, using the normal ordinary font (as frankly after texting I've found it looks the best, considering it works with collapse text, is the most functional, causes the least formatting teaches later, and it the most readable), and scarce use of color (if I even use it at all in the sheet which I rarely do) all forms an almost hidden (in that probably most people don't notice it) system of trying to make my sheets as user friendly as possible. It doesn't look important, but considering the length of the stuff I write it really helps and even for shorter works it can greatly improve matters.


    This sheet needs better formatting, dark green on black is not pleasant to read, a little hard on the eyes (not yellow on white, but not great either) and having most of the sheet that color for no good reason doesn't help, color like bold and italic should be used sparingly to add emphasis, often with character dialogue if you must to add to the charter or distinguish when someone is talking or in the case of multiple people, who is talking. Next the Semicolons or dashes, PLEASE ADD SEMICOLONS OR DASHES, if you are going to do something like attribute this

    Attribute - Earth

    or this

    Attribute: Earth

    is much more clear at a glance than this

    Attribute Earth

    So please add the formatting, also I note some commas could be used her and there as well. As for the personality why is it not separated by a blank line as to make it clear this is the start of a new segment, as is it blends in with the starter info and makes it hard for someone just scrolling by to see where it is without having to start reading more throughly.

    I due note you tried to use italic to empathize the start of a new personal skill, but it doesn't work well considering the stuff is bold, also I think you meant to insert your 1st NP name where the test is italic



    Even beyond formatting issues, the sheet itself suffers in that it isn't even done and I truly mean that beyond bad formatting or such. No Lore whatsoever, that is a problem mainly in that I don't even know who your servant bloody is. Is it supposed to be Kunito Watanabe, well if so then the way you didn't use a "true name - Kunito Watanabe" made me unclear if you were trying to give me an example of how the servant sounds (such as an enlightened or japanese VA) or if that was the servant. Lore would have helped in this respect, lore helps build up who a servant is, what their deal is, and more even if you or others don't like to do it, which I can fully understand, it is an important part of the sheet and if you don't include it, you have to work harder elsewhere to compensate in expelling who they are, what their beef is, and such. Given I myself struggle with so I don't have room to talk, but I don't feel it's done well enough to make the character feel more than a 2D image and as is he's gives off more of the feeling of a living plot devise or element (which to be technical all characters are this, it's just you give them personalities as to make them feel human and relatable and give them development) likely for the lostbelt you are planning.

    As for the parameters I can see what you are getting at, but you also are missing another point; parameters like lore tells us something, Leonidas the 3rd's parameters tell us he is a tank, not a speedster like most lancers, Cu Chulainn's tell us he is a powerful speedster, but he isn't great at taking hits (not accounting for his battle continuation), Musashi's stats tell us she is a rounded fighter, but is bad at magecraft, Heracles' stats tells us he is a sheer powerhouse and utter monster of a servant. Form a glance you can get ideas how a servant operates from their parameters in many cases (some like Gilgamesh as archer don't do this well, but those are the exceptions not the rule [if this is good or bad character design is up to the interpreter as it can keep people in some suspense as to how they work and what their strengths are, but I could also see some not liking it]). You already are missing the lore and now taking away the parameters makes this sheet feel even more bare, which puts more pressure on the personality which isn't near good enough for this gamble to work out.


    Also not ranking his parameters and ranking his NP and skills feels like you just didn't want to write parameters for him as it feels it undermines the "parameters don't matter approach". The small image is also an issue (this was also a problem for my Otakemaru, but I genuinely did have a bad time getting a good image of that [maybe sometime I'll try to find if I can take a picture on my PS4, crop it send it to my phone then use that for a bigger image], I can get having a vision, but in this case I think choosing another image would have been a better angle to go with). Ironically enough I also know about Worm (and Wards, of which I am far less fond of) and have a Love / Hate relationship with it. For this sheet I feel you fell into the same pitfall that I think Wildbow did for me with a lot of his work; namely this isn't a character, It's a set of powers with a backstory and a basic personality (which never grows or evolves) attached that exists only to move the plot forward (likely in your case the lostbelt plot itself). It's something like 90% of the characters in his series especially if they aren't main characters suffer from and it's present here as well (at least in my opinion). At the very least though you did give me a good opportunity to use this meme.




    Alternatively:

    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; June 3rd, 2021 at 07:54 AM.
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

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  11. #4191
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    As for the parameters I can see what you are getting at, but you also are missing another point; parameters like lore tells us something, Leonidas the 3rd's parameters tell us he is a tank, not a speedster like most lancers, Cu Chulainn's tell us he is a powerful speedster, but he isn't great at taking hits (not accounting for his battle continuation), Musashi's stats tell us she is a rounded fighter, but is bad at magecraft, Heracles' stats tells us he is a sheer powerhouse and utter monster of a servant. Form a glance you can get ideas how a servant operates from their parameters in many cases (some like Gilgamesh as archer don't do this well, but those are the exceptions not the rule [if this is good or bad character design is up to the interpreter as it can keep people in some suspense as to how they work and what their strengths are, but I could also see some not liking it]). You already are missing the lore and now taking away the parameters makes this sheet feel even more bare, which puts more pressure on the personality which isn't near good enough for this gamble to work out.
    Huh, you know, I never thought of it this way. it didnt cross my mind the Parameters dont have to be really specific. The important is that it shows what type of servant we are looking at (Speedster/Tank/Offensive/etc...). I guess from now on Ill start focusing less in trying to waste too much of my time wondering what parameter fits or not and go with the general parameter to show its good and bad points.

  12. #4192
    Ominous Shadowy Spoiler Figure Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Master_Therion View Post
    Huh, you know, I never thought of it this way. it didnt cross my mind the Parameters dont have to be really specific. The important is that it shows what type of servant we are looking at (Speedster/Tank/Offensive/etc...). I guess from now on Ill start focusing less in trying to waste too much of my time wondering what parameter fits or not and go with the general parameter to show its good and bad points.
    You don't have to do it that way if you don't want to, I was just giving an example of how something like parameters can be used to tie into the lore of a character. Personally unless I myself have a good idea of "who this servant is/ how they fight" I generally don't go this route (The D & D class method if you will), often if I don't have a good idea for how a servant will work and thus how to tailor their parameters I will just go based on; Comparing to the base stats of the class itself, taking aspects of their legend into consideration (as an example, I gave Erlang-Shen A rank strength as some of his myths involved him carrying literal mountains and felt anything less would undersell the physical strength of the character), then just feeling out what I'm commutable with in terms of rankings until I get a sheet that looks good [if I don't have an idea for build it like a tank / speedster / mage / etc.]. My way is by far neither the best nor the only method so, really you do what you like and feel works.
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

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  13. #4193
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    You don't have to do it that way if you don't want to, I was just giving an example of how something like parameters can be used to tie into the lore of a character. Personally unless I myself have a good idea of "who this servant is/ how they fight" I generally don't go this route (The D & D class method if you will), often if I don't have a good idea for how a servant will work and thus how to tailor their parameters I will just go based on; Comparing to the base stats of the class itself, taking aspects of their legend into consideration (as an example, I gave Erlang-Shen A rank strength as some of his myths involved him carrying literal mountains and felt anything less would undersell the physical strength of the character), then just feeling out what I'm commutable with in terms of rankings until I get a sheet that looks good [if I don't have an idea for build it like a tank / speedster / mage / etc.]. My way is by far neither the best nor the only method so, really you do what you like and feel works.
    Oh, no, I understand. I was just agreeing that the way you use might help me save time in the future while making servants. It is not the correct way, just an acceptable way.

  14. #4194
    屍食鬼 Ghoul
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    better everyone

  15. #4195
    リビングデッド Living Dead GOJIRA98's Avatar
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    Here's my Ruler, Catherine the Great! I don't have a sheet for her yet, just this art I made. But feel free to ask questions!
    There’s always a part of us we hide, a part of us we trample down into the dirt. Sometimes we bury it so deep, we forget it exists, or think it’s long gone. But eventually we’ll sink back to meet it. Will you be strong enough by then to finally accept it?

    Profiles for my story, Fate/Imperial matrix, coming soon!(?)

  16. #4196
    吸血鬼 Vampire Master_Therion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GOJIRA98 View Post


    Here's my Ruler, Catherine the Great! I don't have a sheet for her yet, just this art I made. But feel free to ask questions!
    Nice art.

  17. #4197
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    @Enap:

    It still needs a lot of work. The sheet skeleton doesn't have to be super elaborate, but it's very messy and hard to read. Making things bold and using [INDENT] didn't really solve that.

    @Gojira:

    Fucking sweet art, dude. Looking forward to the sheet. Since it's Catherine the Great, you could try and submit her for the contest.
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    リビングデッド Living Dead GOJIRA98's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    @Enap:

    It still needs a lot of work. The sheet skeleton doesn't have to be super elaborate, but it's very messy and hard to read. Making things bold and using [INDENT] didn't really solve that.

    @Gojira:

    Fucking sweet art, dude. Looking forward to the sheet. Since it's Catherine the Great, you could try and submit her for the contest.
    Thanks!! Remind me what the current contest is?
    There’s always a part of us we hide, a part of us we trample down into the dirt. Sometimes we bury it so deep, we forget it exists, or think it’s long gone. But eventually we’ll sink back to meet it. Will you be strong enough by then to finally accept it?

    Profiles for my story, Fate/Imperial matrix, coming soon!(?)

  19. #4199
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Leaders of the World
    Just as it has always been, when our memories of the ancient world fade into twilight - a new era dawns to fill the void. To the stage rises the leaders of human history, the emperors and kings who charted the course of mankind into the heavens. Did you reign as a fair president, an astute doge, or a tyrannical dictator? Did you establish a nation through careful trade, or did you conquer your enemy with diplomacy?
    Did you build a civilization that stood the test of time?

    Three weeks as usual. No Nazis etc please.
    That's the contest, so Catherine would totally fit.
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  20. #4200
    リビングデッド Living Dead GOJIRA98's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    That's the contest, so Catherine would totally fit.
    Oh nice! How much time is left? Cuz I’m currently working on a sheet for her.
    There’s always a part of us we hide, a part of us we trample down into the dirt. Sometimes we bury it so deep, we forget it exists, or think it’s long gone. But eventually we’ll sink back to meet it. Will you be strong enough by then to finally accept it?

    Profiles for my story, Fate/Imperial matrix, coming soon!(?)

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