Create-A-Servant 3

[pinetree]

There's an explanation for their situation, obviously, but my problem is with the concept itself so the justification doesn't really change anything.

[the god of world-0]

"I am Rider, if you recognize me as your Servant, the contract will be bound and my ghosts shall trample your enemies."

Class: Rider
Alignment: Lawful/Evil
Region: France
Height: 230cm
Weight: 65kg
Likes: Traveling, storms, arts
Dislikes: Liars, sunlight, priests
Talent: Traveling
Armaments: None
Natural Enemy: Mephistopheles

Stats

Str: C
End: C
Agi: B
Mna: A
Lck: A
NP: A

Skills

Class Skills

Magic Resistance(A): Cancel spells of A-Rank or below. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer".

Riding(N/A): This Skill was lost in exchange for Rider's Traveler of the Night Skill.

Personal Skills

Devil's Charisma(A): The power of temptation that is natural of demons. Because of his nature, Rider has an innate understanding of the desires of humans, allowing him to manipulate them as if pawns in a chessboard.

Noble Demon(A): A distorted sense of honor juxtaposed with his wicked personality. A combination of the Skills Mental Pollution, Clown's Laughter, Battle Continuation and others. In Rider's own words, although he is a Trickster, he has never lied. Not even once.

Traveler of the Night(B): A skill representing Rider's wandering through the night sky. With the Black wings on his back, there is no place he cannot reach and no territory outside of his jurisdiction. It allows him to bypass barriers and boundaries.

Noble Phantasm

Night of The Demonic Court and The Storm

Mesnée d'Hellequin

Rank: Anti-Army, A

A Noble Phantasm where Rider summons the countless Demons who used to follow him in his nightly parades. It is a version of the Phenomenon called the "Wild Hunt", a personification of storms that takes on the form of ghostly hounds, horses and armed soldiers.
Rider himself acts as the Core of the Noble Phantasm, leading the ghosts in a charge attack against his enemies who completely ravage anything on its path. Even if someone is not directly on his path, the vision of the demonic silhouettes and the walling sound will inflict mental damage on all who experience them.
While the entire procession can only be manifested for short periods of time, Rider can still summon single exemplars to serve as scouts or familiars if he so wishes. These Silhouettes aren't that powerful, with their strength being more in the sheer number of individuals, but they can be very effective in spying on enemies since they can become completely invisible and undetectable.

Background

Rider identity is that of the Harlequin, a demon from french folklore. His existence would later become an inspiration to the same-named character in popular French passion plays.
Rider was first attested in the 11th century, by the chronicler Orderic Vitalis, who recounts a story of a monk who was pursued by a troop of demons when wandering on the coast of Normandy (France) at night.
Rider was usually depicted as a black-faced emissary of the devil, roaming the countryside with a group of demons chasing the damned souls of evil people to Hell. The physical appearance of Rider offers an explanation for the traditional colours of Harlequin's red-and-black mask. The name's origin could also be traced to a knight from the 9th century, Hellequin of Boulogne, who died fighting the Normans and originated a legend of devils.

Personality

Despite being an evil demon, and he is in fact very evil, the word who most accurately describes his personality is noble. He is above petty acts, refusing to do things like backstabbing or senseless killing. This characteristic may be an influence from later, more heroic depictions of him, but it is hard to know.
Another possible effect of his later depictions is an acquired taste for human entertainment, especially those things called movies. It is Astonishing to him to see the combination of images and sounds to express the variety of emotions humans have without having to resort to magic.
Despite all, one should not forget that Rider is, in fact, evil. He will kill even innocents if it is beneficial to him, and one should not expect help from him if he doesn't have anything to gain from it.

[pinetree]

Dude I gotta say your inconsistency with capitalized words drives me crazy.
Why is "stats" not capitalized but the other section titles are? Why don't you capitalize the first word of every info on those sections, like "none"? Why are the spoilers always all capitalized except "personality"? Why is it "Noble phantasm" on the spoiler but "Noble Phantasm" on the text? Why is "rank" on their NPs level not capitalized?
Also, why is their quote centralized but not the faceclaim?

You're consistently do these exact things, I guess you're just copy-pasting the template... but do these not bother you when you do it?

[the god of world-0]

I use the same template every time, so I guess the capitalization mistakes end up carrying over.
Thankfully, I should be less of a problem now that I fixed the template itself, still won't account for future mistakes though so I will apologize preemptively for that, sorry.

- - - Updated - - -

So, is that all that is wrong with the sheets?

[pinetree]

No need to apologize, I'm the one being the nitpicking asshole. They're good now.

[the god of world-0]

It's okay if it leads to an improvement. I know grammar is my week spot, so I am thankful for this kind of things.

[Zork Knight]

Big trilemma. On one hand, the two recent LB chapters got me tempted into making my... 6th? Diomedes sheet. On the other hand, I feel like there's some information that'd be really useful for this that will most likely only show up in Mats 9 next year (mostly regarding Odysseus, Caenis and the Olympians). And of course, there is the persitent problem of Diomedes being a 2800-years-old Gary Stu, whatever character development or flaws he may have had lost alongside the Theban Cycle and 75% of the Epic cycle.

I've spent the last three days digging through Wikipedia's references and Wikipedia's references' references, and the only "new" thing I could find is some whack and not very well accepted theory that he's an aboriginal god, the same guy as Diomedes of Thrace, and got degraded by Homer for the Iliad (and by 10 other authors I guess). Which I guess is the same treatment the Dioscuri got and could make for an interesting thing, but is also not what I wanna do?

[Dragolord09]

Well, you could do another sheet for the Greeks section (like say for any lesser Gods or Titans if you don't want to do anymore human or demigod sheets) rather than do Diomedes for the umpteenth time? Or given Chaos' role at the tail end of LB 5.2, make sheets out of him and/or his children the Primordial Deities?

[Zork Knight]

I suppose waiting a year for the ineviatble update is better than doing it now and then again in a year

But I suppose there is another Greek sheet I've made that could benefit from an update in this Greek robot frenzy... or rather, inspire something else.

[Bird of Hermes]

Do it, you know yo want to.

[Lambda-Nu]

But I suppose there is another Greek sheet I've made that could benefit from an update in this Greek robot frenzy... or rather, inspire something else.

This seems like it could be interesting. Looking forward to whatever you've got planned!

[Zork Knight]

Assassin
Queen of Pain

Gender: Female
Alignment: Lawful Evil
Attribute: Man

STR: B+
CON: A+
AGI: D
MAG: E
LUK: C
NP: C+

Skills

Class Skills:

Mad Enhancement: C
Rank up for physical parameters, at the cost of one's sanity. It appears that her current condition has altered Assassin's already dysfunctional state of mind; though it is possible to communicate with her, she recognizes her Master as "Nabis", and other humans as her "subjects". As a side effect, she has become extremely loyal to her Master.

Presence Concealment: D+
A low rank that is unfit for a true Assassin. Rather than hiding her presence, it is used to hide "her" true nature: unless the opponent possesses some special detection skill or Noble Phantasm, they will not notice anything abnormal regarding Assassin.


Personal Skills:

Golden Rule [Wealth and Body (False)]: C
A skill that combines the two types of Golden Rule. First, there is the treasures that Assassin accumulted in life: the wealth "she" and her husband stole from Spartan men, as well as the jewellery and valuable clothing she confiscated from the Argive women with violence. Second, due to her current condition, Assassin has also attained a "perfect, goddess-like body that does not change", so to speak.

Sadistic Charisma: A
The power of coercion she held as a member of the ruling class. Because of "her" legend, this skill is more effective against men. Even though Assassin enjoyed humiliating men and women equally, "she" only got directly physical with males.

Torture Technique: EX
Increases the damage dealt when employing torture devices. Because of her current condition, this skill is always in effect, and the damage is further increased against male targets.

Noble Phantasms

Demonic Iron Queen

Iron Apega

- Anti-Unit, Rank B

The precursor of the "Iron Maiden", the Iron Apega was an automaton created by King Nabis, a cruel tyrant who ruled Sparta, in the image of his equally cruel wife, Queen Apega. According to historians, whenever Nabis wished to extort money from a man and found them "uncooperative", he would send him to talk with "his wife". When the victim inevitably went to greet the Iron Apega, Nabis would lock him into "her" embrace and manipulate "her" to torture the man until he squeezed every bit of money (or life) he had.

Due to the nature of Heroic Spirits, it appears that the real Apega and the Iron Apega have been merged into the same existence. An extremely durable body of metal, created with the sole purpose of inflicting pain upon others, combined with a sadistic mind fueled by greed: Assassin's very body is her Noble Phantasm. Her "assassination" is not done by going unnoticed by her opponents, but rather by luring them into a false sense of security, before crushing them mercilessly with her superior physical prowess.

In addition, it appears she also possesses a multitude of in-built pain-inflicting mechanisms that went unmentioned by historians, such as fire breath, electroshock, and a variety of saws, drills, and blades. Her ultimate attack is the "Embrace of Apega", in which she crushes the target's head against her bosom, where apparently her most potent and diabolical torture tool is hidden, until they either expire or hand over their

Noble Phantasms

treasures

.

Lore and Personality

Apega was the wife of King Nabis, a tyrant who ruled Sparta in the late 3rd Century and early 2nd Century BC. Nabis was first regent to the child-king Pelops, before assasinating him and taking the throne for himself; Nabis then executed the last members of the two Spartan royal houses (descendants of Heracles) to ensure none challenged his power.

Apega was the daughter of another tyrant, Aristippus of Argos (a city that ultimately also came under Nabis' control, as a gift from Philip V of Macedon). What little is recorded of her in history claims that she was even more vile and greedy than her husband, wielding the power he shared with her to plunder and humiliate her citizens, particularly the women, in an attempt to emulate the great tyrannical queens that preceded her. Nothing is mentioned of what happened to her after Nabis was betrayed and assassinated by the Aetolian league.

Summoned as a Servant, the queen Apega has become mixed with the torture instrument Apega, forming the "ultimate S". As a result, her personality has become distorted: because the Iron Apega was an "instrument of Nabis", she will view her Master as "Nabis" and obey them faithfully, but because she is still the real Apega, she will nonetheless seek to satisfy her greed and sadism, viewing other humans as "subjects" whom she can plunder and play with. If the Master's personality is too different from her own, complications may arise, and her Saint Graph may even become unstable.

Her wish for the Grail is to obtain enough wealth and beauty to surpass the other "great queens" of history and legend.

Relationships

Elizabeth Báthory
Rather than viewing the young countess as a rival, she is reminded of the daughters she had with Nabis. As such, there is some sort of friendship here.
"Blood, really? And I wasted so much of it!"

Semiramis, Cleopatra, Wu Zetian
The great rivals she admires, envies and strives to surpass. Of course, they do not even acknowledge the existence of such a footnote in history, so the relationship is one-sided.

Gilgamesh
"This man... I MUST have him between my arms!"

Katou Danzou
There are some similarities between them, but it seems that they favor different targets...

Mecha Eli-chan, Mecha Eli-chan Mk. II
They are similar to herself, but...
"Aren't they missing something?"

Carmilla
Their relationship can be described by a certain image that circulates on the internet. Phantom Maiden is jealous.

[King of Padoru]

Step on me, S-partan mommy

[Zork Knight]

For the right price

Her interlude is going around putting Servants with increasingly high ranks of Golden Rule on a chokehold until they yield their money

[Vance]

The Little Match Caster

"I am Caster."

Faceclaim

True Name: The Little Match Girl
Class: Caster
Region: Denmark
Alignment: True Neutral
Armament: None

Parameters:
STR: E
END: D-
AGI: E
MAG: D
LCK: B
NP: C

Class Skills

Territory Creation E
A class skill denoting the ability to create a base of operations. However, since Caster is neither a Magus nor a figure noted to have a place of residence, this skill is at its lowest.

Item Construction -
This skill has been replaced by Match Acquisition

Personal Skills

Clairvoyance (Flames) A-
A latent talent developed by Caster near the end of her lifetime. The ability to perceive distances through generated any flames, artificial or not. At the eve of her death, she saw beauty within the flickers of the match flames, though whether these were just delusions at death's door or true fantasies is uncertain. The skill automatically ranks up to the highest point if Caster uses her noble phantasm.

Match Acquisition A
A humble offshoot of Item Construction that has the user acquire the ability to 'acquire' matches of any kind at a limited rate. The rate of acquisition and the kind of matches made are determined by the present environment.

Pity Of The Masses C+
A personal skill evolved from the 'Innocent Monster' skill. In the morning after her death, those who passed by found her corpse, frozen in the snow, and expressed pity at her circumstances. This consensus carried into the world where her death is viewed as tragic, with very little people understanding the author's intent. As advertised, this skill has a psychological effect on those who are around her that increases with the amount of suffering Caster has gone through.

Noble Phantasm

Svovlstikkerne
Distant Fantasies Under Ice and Snow
C-rank Anti-Unit

The one and only noble phantasm of Caster. A little box of matches that she was told to sell by her father. The flames produced by these matches are ephemeral in nature, even more so than the normal matches that Caster can create. However, they are special in the way that Caster’s Clairvoyance (Flames) achieves its highest allowing her to essentially view anywhere. Another trait the matches held is that when viewed by someone other than Caster, the individual's ideal fantasy is revealed, though the caveat is that the individual in question has to be close to death.

Lore

The unnamed protagonist of Hans Christian Andersen's story, The Little Match Girl. It tells the story of a young girl who goes out in the cold night of New Years Eve to sell matches less her father beats her. However, she was unable to sell matches and, without anywhere to go back to nor much on her, she was left huddling in an alleyway with her matches. In a bid to stay warm, she lit matches and was soon entranced by the visions she had seen within them. At the vision of grandmother, she lit the entire bundle to keep the fantasy alive. When the match flames are gone and the girl dies, her soul is carried to heaven while her body is left behind for those to pity.

Personality

A demure girl who says very little of anything to those who speak to her. She is very hardworking in any task she sets herself on, almost to the point of detriment. Her relationship with her master would be one of cautious deference, quieting down whenever they are nearby. If her trust is gained then near the time of your death, she would take time to send a match from heaven and show you a fantasy. Her wish for the grail is to meet with her creator, the one who both condemned and showed her paradise.

[RoydGolden]

Servant Rider:

Appearance:


True Name: Huang Gai

Alignment: Lawful Good

Alternate Classes: Lancer, Archer

Armament: A heavy iron rod that can also be segmented and lashed about like a whip.

Strength- B
Agility- B
Endurance- C
Mana- E
Luck- B
NP- C

Personality

A hotblooded and boisterous old man. Rider is very devoted to the Wu Dynasty and would gladly give his life to insure its flourishing. He's a bold general who can come up with crazy strategies and execute them in the middle of battle. Rider has a fierce sense of justice and is quite merciless in punishing evildoers. If he sees those under his command abuse their authority to indulge in evil acts, Rider won't hesitate to beat them severely or even execute them. Rider is also fond of explosions and likes to devise strategies involving them.

Likes: explosions, disciplined men
Dislikes: lazy officers, rigid tactics
Talents: instilling order, bold strategies
Natural Enemy: Cao Cao

Class Skills:

Riding- B
The ability to ride animals and handle vehicles. At this rank, most mundane mounts can be ridden at an above average degree of skill, but not Phantasmal or Divine Beasts.

Magic Resistance- D
Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank, only Single-Action spells are nullified. Magic Resistance equivalent in degree to an amulet that rejects magical energy.


Personal Skills:

Battlefield Discipline- C
Rider was a severe disciplinarian who didn't hesitate to brutally punish his own men when they strayed from the righteous path he instilled for them, and that draconian nature has been expressed in this Skill. Emulates a Charisma equivalent at rank C, raising the abilities of Rider's allies in group battles, but punishes them with the equivalent damage of a D-ranked attack should they make a mistake or go against his orders.

Advice Of The Strategist- B
A Skill given to military-affiliated Servants. By grasping and analyzing the situation, correct advice can be given to one's allies. The higher the rank, the better the probability of the advice given being correct. This Skill is the sublimation of Rider's bold tactical mind that set fire to his own ships to ram them into the fleet of his rival Cao Cao.

Espionage- C
A Skill that doesn't conceal one's presence, but rather makes one's presence fail to register as hostile. This Skill causes others to misunderstand one's status, including mistaking one for a kind neighbor, a harmless pebble, or as their most trusted ally. Rider possesses this Skill from the anecdote where he feigned defecting to Cao Cao's side to lure him into a trap. Rider even had his own general severely flog him to make the ruse more believable.

Noble Phantasm

Zìfén Zhànlüè

Self-Immolation Stratagem

Rank: C

Type: Anti-Unit/Anti-Mount

A crystallization of Rider's victory in the Battle of Red Cliffs, where he deliberately torched his own ships so that the blaze would spread to the fleet of his rival Cao Cao. This is believed to be one of the first uses of "fireship" tactics in history. As a Noble Phantasm this allows Rider to forcibly self-destruct anything conceptualized as his [mount].

No matter what sort of mount it is, from living ones like horses to vehicles like ships and bicycles, Rider can make it explode in a fiery conflagration. Rider must be physically touching the mount to use this Noble Phantasm. As such he usually rams his mount into his opponent and jumps off just after invoking it to escape being caught in the blast. Rider can also use this Noble Phantasm to self-destruct an opponent's mount should he manage to momentarily hijack it. As this obviously sacrifices the mount, Rider has to find a new one every time he uses it.

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So here's a new sheet from me. I was a bit inspired by Dynasty Warriors' version of the guy (mainly his personality), but I tried to go with my own take as well.

As usual, any comments and critiques will be received warmly. Thanks for reading!

[King of Padoru]

The NP being using the "mounts" as a kind of Broken Phantasm is a good way to make it more interesting than just summoning ships on fire. His first skill, however, is a bit too simple. Since you say he used to punish his own men, you could include an effect like Charisma E (rising the abilities of allies but decreasing their morale), or making him hurt his allies if they make a mistake.

[RoydGolden]

The NP being using the "mounts" as a kind of Broken Phantasm is a good way to make it more interesting than just summoning ships on fire. His first skill, however, is a bit too simple. Since you say he used to punish his own men, you could include an effect like Charisma E (rising the abilities of allies but decreasing their morale), or making him hurt his allies if they make a mistake.

I considered making his NP a Reality Marble where he summons burning ships to ram into the enemy, but I figured that'd be too generic. Glad you liked what I did go with. And fair enough about his first Skill. It is a bit simple. I basically intended it to be Huang's variation of the Execution Skill, with the effects and flavor-text reworked to suit his own legend. I'll consider the ideas you suggested though.

[pinetree]

I feel like turning her into a Foreigner worked against you. Having her contract with an Outer God when she's already so tied to a real one doesn't work out, it ends up as a character that doesn't really remind you of Arachne as the Lovecraftian element is so more prominent than her actual story. I think Having a Noble Phantasm solely to justify her looking like Elise seems a bit much, and Arachne being powerful enough to affect an entire city just doesn't seem right.

Also, I think willingly working for the Outer God kinda goes against the concept of a Foreigner to begin with.

I like her whole dedication to truth, specially how casual she sounds about it, but it kinda got buried under

Atlach-Nacha.

[TheLordOfAwesome]

I feel like turning her into a Foreigner worked against you. Having her contract with an Outer God when she's already so tied to a real one doesn't work out, it ends up as a character that doesn't really remind you of Arachne as the Lovecraftian element is so more prominent than her actual story. I think Having a Noble Phantasm solely to justify her looking like Elise seems a bit much, and Arachne being powerful enough to affect an entire city just doesn't seem right.

Also, I think willingly working for the Outer God kinda goes against the concept of a Foreigner to begin with.

I like her whole dedication to truth, specially how casual she sounds about it, but it kinda got buried under

Atlach-Nacha.

You make a good point. I'm going to go rework the concept.