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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #1421
    魔神王 Demon God King massive_jojo_reference's Avatar
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    ah... i see, i see... It seems the time for me to join the fight has come, though i offer only moderate combat skill, i hope my skill in administration and charisma will prove most useful here. But lets cut to the chase, usually I would be referred to as Mr. President, but you can refer to me as Abe, and please let us use something else than "Master" and "Servant"...
    Faceclaim

    Class: Saber

    Identity: Abraham Lincoln

    Alignment: Chaotic Good

    H/W 193cm/68kg

    Armament: Cavalry Broadsword

    Wish: Freedom...


    STR: B
    END: (A++)
    AGI: B
    MNA: E
    LCK: E
    NP: EX


    Backstory
    A child born into poverty inside a log cabin, one would never think that he would become known as "The great emancipator". Saber worked hard to teach himself the art of legal defense, he served as both a Lawyer and was semi-prominent in politics, being a leader of the Whig party.

    what classifies him as a Saber is the famous dueling incident with James Shields, who instantly backed down when he saw which weapon his opponent has chosen, a cavalry broadsword.

    When he won the election, he was made sovereign over a nation that was held together by Spit and Prayer, the question of slavery wrecked the relations between the north and the south, indeed, the union was on the verge of falling.
    For every Free state, there was a Slave state, every new state threatened to break the balance of power and give the other side total majority. Not wanting to push things further, Lincoln wanted to keep the balance between the north and the south as best as possible, however, history had other ideas...

    On the December 20th 1860 South Carolina declared it secession from the union, and the dominoes began to fall. through the next year, all of the south seceded from the union, a series of crises had declared the beginning of the Civil war.

    Though Unsuccessful at first, Saber held together the Union army by the pure force of popularity and charisma alone, Though it was arguably his greatest generals, Sherman and Grant who did all the work, Saber was the one holding the entire country together in a moral sense, trough its greatest crisis, even with the death of his own son. and the war not only served an end to slavery in america, it provoked revolts elsewhere as well. His fate would be to die at the hands of an assassin, but not without first changing the world for better.


    Class Skills
    Riding: C
    Most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts.

    Magic Resistance: C
    Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.


    Personal Skills
    Elected office authority: A++
    A skill which denotes the owner's authority as a sovereign of the state, one not inherited through a monarchy or taken by force, but elected by the popular will of the people, it grants a skill boost +1 against enemies that are considered tyrants and against those of evil alignment, as well as grant him a boost in attack power when he is being supported by other people.
    The united states was born as, and continues to be a democracy, each of its leaders was elected through popular support of the masses. a power derived from the people's support.

    Charisma: B++
    Having B Rank in this Skill is sufficient to lead a nation as its King/Queen. The morale of military forces he or she commands is extremely high. It also allows the user to negate the Emergency Prerogative skill of enemies, in Saber's case, it also allows him to deal more damage against tyrants and evil aligned enemies, as well as weaken their abilities.
    It is only natural that the great emancipator would have a high rank in charisma, in spite the superiority of the southern armies, in spite of the deep division that plagued the united states, and in spite of his own personal tragedies, he signed a document which would grant freedom to thousands upon thousands of people who were until then considered slaves. There are few figures who can claim greater popularity than the 16th president.

    Great Emancipator: EX
    A title given to Saber by a certain Italian general, denotes the man who dedicated his entire life to liberation of people. Saber was staunch abolitionist, a staunch opponent of slavery. as such those who are enslaved by corruption and otherwise will tend to naturally gather under his banner, and he will, in turn grant them freedom, and the more people he liberates the stronger this skill's influence will become. not only does it naturally inspire others into following him, around him forms an invisible, invincible aura of of absolute moral authority, sending into pain all those who are considered evil and despicable, for he himself is the bulwark of liberty, and until all people have gained freedom, this skill will continue to be active.


    Noble Phantasm
    The declaration of the Great Emancipator - "And henceforward shall be free"
    Emancipation Proclamation
    (EX) (Anti-Army/Anti-Evil)

    A document, a simple piece of paper, yet this piece of paper would have words written upon it that would grant freedom to more than a hundred thousand people, its the basis of freedom, and would prelude the 13th amendment, which confirmed those freedoms in the constitution of the United States forever.

    Upon activation, the area surrounding saber will be engulfed in a blinding light, the sky will become clouded, then after a few seconds have passed, a massive hand will emerge from the clouds, bearing down on the ground below. The hand itself is the hand of the divine spirit of goddess Columbia, Taking form as her God-Corpus of the roman goddess Libertas though only her hand is visible. Anyone, Servant or Human that the hand touches will become free of corruption and suffering, and will be purified and anyone, servant or human, who is considered evil and despicable, tyrannical rulers, who deprive people of their freedom who have not deserve it shall instantly be obliterated.

    Once this phase of the Noble Phantasm finished, Saber will emerge, along with the full might of the union army, the Union artillery will then fire and the infantry will charge and destroy anyone and anything remaining that dared survive the wrath of the goddess of liberty, they can remain active for exactly 10 minutes before disappearing.

    This Noble phantasm requires a great deal of magic energy to activate, and as such requires both the presence of a master and a Ley Line close by, as Saber simply isn't a great magic user.


    personality/etc
    CE: Gettysburg Address.
    The piece of paper with perhaps one of the most famous speeches of history
    Declaring that the government of the people shall not perish, it second only to the Declaration of independence.
    It inspired the union army to fight on.
    yet when saber is asked about it, he only stares blankly on that very same parchment of paper
    "Have i truly preserved the Union, or have i just created more division"
    He asks himself this question, is he as resolute, or are there seeds of doubt deep within him?


    Personality: There are many words that can be used to describe saber, none more so than "Resolute", "Honest", "Merciful", "Kind". Indeed, for he was known as "Honest Abe", he is down to earth. But at other times, he is indifferent to acting morally ambiguous in times of need. yet if it brings a good end to a story, he is willing to go to the ends of earth to achieve that Good end.
    A friend to everyone expect the evil and despicable, a unquestioned supporter of liberty and justice, Brutally honest about his ideals and beliefs. Indeed, no other man is deserving of the title of "Great Emancipator"
    His speeches highlight his more Philosophical side and unquestioned leadership, while in private, he would act like a good grandpa, humble to the point where one would not even think of him as a President, much less a liberator.
    Yet, those would try to take advantage of this innate Humbleness would find themselves deeply surprised by his Resolute action and sheer strength of characters, for a servant, such a personality might even be uncharacteristic, but there is even a degree of irony to that as well, for he himself, the Great Emancipator, is a servant that works under a master.

    Relations:
    Deborah Sampson Gannett: Very well if it isn't lady liberty herself, i'm looking forward to the company of one who has the same ideals as me, miss Sampson.

    Billy the Kid: A cowboy from the frontier are you not? Most interesting! though i had little time to worry about the frontier during the civil war however... i do wish your kin the best.

    Medb: I feel physically revolted by the mere presence of this tyrant, her crown dominates the people? preposterous! But i shall tolerate her for as long as she is our ally, so help me god.

    Thomas Edison: Patent thief, now stealing the souls of other presidents as well! you are the most despicable.


    Afterthoughts
    And here is a sheet on what is possibly the hardest historical figure to do as a servant, but challenge is what advances one's writing skill, so i took it.
    Last edited by massive_jojo_reference; September 5th, 2020 at 06:30 PM.

  2. #1422
    Your average edge/angst supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Ken Arok: i rememmber you said that you are quite knowledgeable and welll readen in the indonesic Myths , he is indeed a quite no really different then the founders be it Canon Romulus ,my Jimmu etc he is no divine child or favored Person but basically a commoner that went to the top ,Right ? his first Noblephantasm is i must admit quite a good i must say , as you said he is a womenizer how is actually his oppinion towards queen type servants ould i be curious like what would he think of my Neferusobek ? and o you plant to make one of his descendants that has a own Version of Kitab Pararaton ?
    Yeah, he's basically a commoner who rose to the top, thanks to both luck and his own resourcefulness. His womanizer side would just be played for laughs most of the time, like how Lancelot (Saber) is depicted in FGO. Regarding his opinion to queens and fellow rulers, as a king himself, he respects them to some extent, but he hates those he considers "too kingly". This definition can mean anyone too arrogant/regal like Gilgamesh (Archer), or kings who are too wrapped up in their own philosophical struggles to care about their people like Artoria. He'd get along much better with kings who are more down to earth like Iskandar or Napoleon.

    Lastly, I haven't thought of another king with Kitab Pararaton aside from Raden Wijaya (which I might do a remake someday, really not satisfied with how he turned out now). Aside from him, no one else came to mind yet.

  3. #1423
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    okay now to the two newest Masterpieces \/

    Teutobod: At first i must hometeru you for Managing to making out of such sparse Information a functioning servant ! he is really well done especially as we dont have much old germanic servants of the Continental Zone , just besidde his Picture reminds me strongly on Wargreymon .


    but to be honest i think you made some really good ones until ,though its difficult to find tzhem fast as we must wait for the next index so please make a own blog form index ,this willhelp the People to more easily look after your works

    Abraham Lincoln: okay , i find it Abit awkward as i would think that he would be more Fitting for a Special case Rider or CAster class servant as a Saber class servant as just that he won a challenge but okay its just a small Detail in the whole his skills are all Fitting ,but man his Noblephantasm is strong not only the Divine attack but also the assault afterwards is heavy i must say .

    Also i would be curiou what he would think of my Tugarin given his Honor full wandering Knight which fought for the normal People without to demand anything .And my Jimmu as i am curious how he finds him personally and what he thinks of his form of familial Rule ?

    And its also nice that a Veteran member is giving us the Honor and it is also seldom that you havent an own index of your servants ?
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !

    Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !

    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  4. #1424
    Okay, here's my last Peter Pan Servant, so please let me know what you think and if there's anything I can spruce up:

    Peter Pan ~ Eternal Dream(er) of Neverland

    Appearance: An androgynous-looking child. Though close examination will reveal her to be a girl, she is still flat-chested and with her first teeth. Out of her various incarnations, this version of Peter has the most fae-like appearance with this magical, haunting sense of beauty and wonder to her.

    Gender: Boy? (Girl)- While technically female, Peter insists boldly that she is obviously a boy, and since Peter Pan has spoken, that's that. She certainly acts like a boy, and certainly acts as a lady's man around girls. Though her sexual orientation is "straight" in that "he" prefers to flirt with girls, Peter has a semi-unconscious recognition of her feminine charm, and won't hesitate to use it to charm boys as well when it suits her purpose.

    Class: Caster

    Alternate Classes: Assassin, Rider, Saber - Under the right circumstances, Peter could be summoned with the multi-class Double Summon skill, but this would be near impossible to pull off. Which is quite fortunate for everyone (including the master); many of Pan's class-limited Noble Phantasms mesh quite well with each other, and the eternal boy's heartless, mischievous nature makes it likely she'd turn the tables on everyone if given the chance.

    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    Lore: Peter Pan ran away from home at a young age - don't ask at what age; it was before Peter started caring about time, and it's unlikely she'd remember it anyways. She wanted to be a boy forever and play games and have fun, so she flew straight out the window when she heard her parents talking about her becoming a lady. She found her way to the Neverland, a strange island in the Reverse World where dreams and forgotten things coalesce into a reality come true. Claiming sovereignty over the land, she became eternally a part of it, and it became an extension of her own will. Since then, she has made the island her eternal playground, purposefully dragging bits and pieces of different dreams - and sometimes (un)lucky people from the outside world - to Neverland to be a part of her adventures, where she is forever the brave hero. Peter still has adventures in Neverland to this day; this means, much like Arturia, Pan is summoned in her physical body rather than as a deceased, incorporeal Servant.

    Personality: Pan reflects the whimsical, heartless innocence of the Neverland in all her forms, but Caster best captures the magical vision of the Island Come True, the make-believe land you can glimpse in your dreams. Caster in this form is largely solitary and mysterious, preferring to explore distant locales and find places where she can calmly hum on her panpipes. Yet she also enjoys playing before admiring audiences, and she is quite charming, like a dashing, unknown stranger in the night. She often shares stories of amazing adventures in between her tunes, but she does not invent those tales on her own but rather borrows them from other storytellers she listens to. In fact, she disdains reading and writing at all, taking pride in being illiterate; that said, she's perfectly fine having others read stories to her. She is not as intentionally cruel as other versions of her, but she acts as sort of like a fairy ring, a nexus point between mundane reality and the supernatural fantasies of Neverland. And fae-touched kingdoms, however wonderful they may be, can still be dangerous for those drawn into them. Caster wants a mother who is a gifted storyteller, to make up for her own lack of ability in creating stories of her own.

    Wish: As an eternal child of dreams and magical wonder, Caster's greatest wish is for the nonbelieving "mainland" of reality, which is grown-up and suppresses dreams, to disappear - forever. In its place, she'd wish for the dreamworld of Neverland to become the "true" reality, with the past real world being nothing more than a faint, forgotten dream - if it's even allowed to still exist at all. Of course, one might argue that without the mundane world, we would not feel compelled to dream and wonder of greater things to begin with. However, with her childish stubbornness, it's doubtful you could get Caster to change her mind.

    Parameters:

    Strength: E

    Endurance: D

    Agility: C

    Mana: A+

    Luck: A


    Skills
    Class Skills:

    Item Construction (D+)- A Caster's ability to manufacture magical items, from implements of war to items for daily use. Caster's impatient and carefree nature disinclines her from creating tools. That said, she can create magical items in a sense using those featured in tales from her Bedtime Stories noble phantasm.

    Territory Creation (A+)- The power to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. See Island Come True noble phantasm.


    Personal Skills:

    Alluring Nightingale (B+/C+)- A skill possessed by those with a natural constitution of having a beautiful voice works as a fascination magecraft-like effect. While the skill primarily works on female targets, Caster can also use it on males to a more limited effect. Caster activates this charm through music playing and storytelling, pulling listeners into dreams of magical adventures, enhancing their curiosity and wonder until they care more about the fantasies than whatever real lives they had before.

    Protection of the Fairies [Spirits] (A+)- A blessing from Fairies and Elementals, granting increased luck in dangerous situations. The skill normally activates only in battle, but Caster can also call upon the fairies to empower her music and stories with boosted magic and luck. Caster's form of the skill also gives her the ability to fly and coats her in fairy dust. Fairy dust also has the potential to let others fly if they feel "heartless" by letting go of attachments and worries; on the flipside, the dust also reduces people's cares about anything besides the immediate present, making them more susceptible to mental alterations.

    Star Talker (False, C)- The ability to commune with the heavenly bodies, whom often have hidden knowledge about the world(s) they look down upon. Caster does not actually talk to the actual Types empowering the heavenly bodies but rather to imaginary spirits who represent humanity's imagination of those lights in the sky. They act as essentially familiars for Caster but are bound to the stars they represent, only able to look on when their stars are present in the sky. That said, pieces of Neverland summoned through Island Come True have all the stars visible all the time, even during the day. Sometimes people Caster considers to be “worthy” are forcibly turned into these Star familiars using Island Come True and Bedtime Stories; these stars might have extra abilities depending on their former lives.


    Noble Phantasms
    The Island Come True

    Type: Anti-Army/City/Self, Barrier

    Rank: A

    Through her enchanted music, Caster summons a portion of the Neverland, forcing it through the barrier and taking over a portion of the "Mainland". Even summoning one part of Neverland can be tiresome for Caster, but once called forth, the island fragment is quite resilient, naturally absorbing mana from its surroundings as well as taking power from dreams within its range. The Neverland can selectively control the Bounded Field defenses of its territory and its accessibility. Anyone within 50 feet of the border to the fragment can potentially be pulled in, though it's possible to resist; children, imaginative individuals, and magical beings are most susceptible to the pull. Anyone dreaming can be pulled in from a range of 100 feet. In contrast, uninvited intruders trying to break into the sealed area will feel a compulsion to turn around. On the other hand, Neverland/Caster rarely lets go of those brought in, and they generally are unable to exit unless given permission by Caster.

    While Caster can summon areas of Neverland, she can only bring in the physical landscapes, not the beings who typically inhabit it. No mermaids, no fairies, no lost boys, nobody. Mundane animals are sometimes still brought along, but no one else. So you might get the Mermaids' Lagoon, but the waters would be vacant. However, the Neverland will quickly find substitutes to inhabit its wondrous locales. Anyone who resides inside the space of the Neverland fragment for long will begin to change mentally and physically, becoming a suitable inhabitant of the island. Often the type of transformation depends on the specific setting: people at the lagoon become mermaids, people on the plains become "Indians", people in the “home under the ground become lost boys, and people in the general forests of Neverland could become anything - pirates, fairies, lost boys, etc.

    The full assimilation will take a week if left unchecked. At first, you can reverse the effects if you escape to the Mainland quick enough, but long-term exposure will take its toll. By the 3rd day, their bodies will be fully transformed; even if they leave Neverland, they won't change back without additional assistance to break the blessing/curse. By the 5th day, their memories will be entirely replaced with ones befitting their new personas and story roles (though Caster's charms can accelerate the memory alterations). If they do not leave Neverland by the end of the 7th day, their Origin is rewritten and they are no more than another dream made up by Neverland, bound to the island and Caster's playful will. In turn, their histories in the outside world will gradually fade, with others forgetting they ever existed.

    It's important to note that transformed victims only become generic types of beings on Neverland, not the specific, notable characters from the stories. For instance, someone could become a pirate, but not Captain Hook himself. That said, as their stories in Neverland become more interwoven, they may start to become notable characters in their own right. This could even lead to new types of characters in Neverland, especially in combination with Bedtime Stories.

    Caster will try to gradually patch different parts of Neverland together, adding a new fragment to the borders of a previously summoned bit. Once connected, the different areas of Neverland are considered a contiguous territory, with no barriers between them (the only barriers are between then and the real world). Caster's goal is to recreate Neverland in its entirety, potentially engulfing a whole city.

    If Caster is killed or otherwise defeated/disabled - or simply finds the Holy Grail War boring and decides to just forget about it and go back to the world of dreams, her summoned parts of Neverland will lose their connection to the real world and fall back into the Reverse Side of the world. However, anyone fully absorbed into Neverland magic will automatically follow the island to the other world, for they are now an integral component of the dream. In addition, the Neverland will also try to pull through anyone else present in the fragments at the time of the return to the Reverse Side, though it's possible to resist with enough effort; beings physically transformed into Neverland beings or tampered with mentally are most susceptible to Neverland's pull.

    If resummoned as Rider, those absorbed forever into Neverland’s dream might reappear via the Neverland’s Peoples noble phantasm, but they will by then have no memory of their former lives, and even those who once knew them will have trouble identifying them as little more than common representatives of the magical island’s colorful inhabitants.

    The Neverland can let converted people briefly remember tidbits of their former lives when it’s useful (if they knew a certain opponent’s weaknesses, had learned a special skill, were familiar with a certain location, etc.), but it’s only temporary, and once the memories are of no further use, then poof - out like a candle they go! And even when they get memories back, they hardly ever bother thinking about them, treating them more like playing make-believe - to those of Neverland, memories are silly, trivial things you can carelessly leave behind and lose without a second thought; why worry about the past when the present is a story of endless wonder?


    Bedtime Stories of Mothers

    Type: Conceptual

    Rank: A

    Unlike the previous noble phantasm, which simply recreates long-told parts of Neverland, this noble phantasm creates new things using new stories and legends. Caster can, playing her pipes while listening to a tale told to her, make the people, places, and things in the story come to life. However, these creations are always altered to connect to the overall mythos of Neverland. This in turn may affect the specific qualities of the summons, making them quite different from their normal counterparts - and potentially limit or expand their powers. In addition, it becomes harder to create story-things that are especially powerful without a lot of work and prana.

    Caster can use this noble phantasm in conjunction with her other one for tremendous effects. With enough work and sufficient stories, she could add an entirely new section of Neverland connected to the other pieces of Island Come True, like a ninja village, an alien spaceship, or a wild west town. In turn, these new areas could allow for new transformations into different sorts of beings, like witches, genies, or vampires. And if the new areas better fit with the desires or dreams of the people trapped inside, they become more susceptible to faster transformations and memory wipes, significantly cutting down their assimilation. If the stories specifically target certain individuals trapped in the Neverland spaces, those stories will shape the subjects' conversion into living fairy tales and make it much harder for them to resist the change.

    While this combo is hard to use against Servants due to their greater power and ability to resist, if their legends are retold in a Neverland-focused format, the effects can be astounding. The powerful, reshaped legends will remake the Servants into full-fledged, critical characters in Neverland, who can play a more important role in Caster's stories - and help defend the island against enemies.

    While powerful, this noble phantasm has one critical weakness: Caster cannot invent any story on her own. Since Caster does not know any stories herself, she must seek out stories to use for the noble phantasm. She is hungry for them, like how a sparrow roosts beside a house to listen to stories. Perhaps for this reason, Caster is the version of Pan with the most greediness for a "mother" who is a gifted storytelller, making it her primary factor in determining whether someone is good mother material. For better or worse, masters with lots of knowledge and stories to share will get the most attention from Caster.


    Companions: Caster is often followed by her personal fairy Tinkerbell. When summoned by Pan's Caster form, Tinker Bell is at her strongest, with many mystical spells from size changes to stealing away voices. She is also brilliant with potions, making up for Caster's own lack. That said, Tink is still small and physically frail, so she counts on Caster for protection. Like Caster, she can produce fairy dust, though only in small amounts.
    Last edited by Cataquack Warrior; September 8th, 2020 at 10:09 PM.

  5. #1425
    夜魔 Nightmare NittyGritty's Avatar
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    It was here that I took my first steps into a much bigger world.


    The Bogatyr



    “I do not take my responsibilities lightly. With this strength I will guard the Motherland."



    Lore

    Crippled since his youth, Ilya Muromets was nothing more than a lowly farmer’s son who could not rise from his resting spot on a Russian stove. He remained there until he turned 33 when a pair of pilgrims, fleeing from the invading Golden Horde that threatened Kievan Rus’, sought shelter in his home. Despite being unable to move he offered them some water, knowing full well they could take advantage of him in his vulnerable state and rob him of what little he had left. For his hospitality and trust in others the pilgrims performed a small miracle, granting Ilya the ability to walk. Healed and full of vigor he took his family’s horse and rode to Kiev to liberate it from “pagans” and serve Prince Vladimir the Fair Sun as a bogatyr. He would often join fellow bogatyrs Dobrynya Nikitich and Alyosha Popovich in defending Rus’ from various threats.

    Throughout his adventures he had bested giants, wind demons and defended Rus’ from numerous attacks by the Golden Horde. Even just one of his heroic acts would have been enough to earn him a lordship. But he declined noble titles and fiefdoms each time they were offered to him. He preferred to live the humble life of a farmer, perhaps making up for all that time lost on the Russian stove.

    In addition to being a famous pseudo-historical bogatyr there also exists an “Ilya Muromets” who was canonized as a saint by the Russian Orthodox Church. Whether this was the same man as the legendary knight or the inspiration behind his tales is still up for debate. Examination of his alleged remains reveals some interesting facts, however: he was a large man, his spine carried the tell-tale signs of a condition at an early age, and his skeleton was riddled with numerous wounds that he could only have survived if he truly was a warrior of great strength. One could say he is the King Arthur of Russia, a legendary hero of questionable historical validity who defended his homeland from foreign invaders and fought against supernatural threats.

    Class: Rider
    Others Classes: Saber, Lancer

    True Name: Ilya Muromets
    Aliases: Ilya of Murom, Ilya Murometz
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Place of Origin: Kievan Rus’ (Medieval Russia)
    Source: Russian Folklore



    Parameters

    STR: B

    END: B

    AGI: D

    MGI: C

    LCK: C

    NP: B


    Height: 182.88 cm (6'5)
    Weight: 129.274 kg (285 lbs)
    Likes: Russia, the countryside
    Dislikes: “Pagans”
    Talent: Farming
    Natural Enemy: The Golden Horde, Napoleon Bonaparte
    Attribute: Man
    Armament: Mace, Lance
    Catalyst: A curved spine from the Relic of Saint Ilya



    Class Skills

    Riding (B): A knight who is proficient at combat on horseback. Rider can ride most mounts and vehicles with ease. Phantasmal Beasts are usually off-limits at this rank but his mount of choice, Svyatogor, is an exception as it was a parting gift from a friend.

    Magical Resistance (A): Grants protection against magical effects. At this rank Rider can be classified as a “magus killer”. In his case these magical protections are not granted to him through artifacts, enchantments or holy sacraments but through sheer brute strength alone.



    Personal Skills

    Monstrous Strength (D): A Skill that temporarily grants a rank-up to one's Strength parameter for a time limit determined by the ranking of this Skill. Although he was not a demon or monster, Rider was granted the gift of strength by a giant knight. Possessing an already high rank in STR makes this skill somewhat redundant. However when he does activate it he grows to an immense size.

    Saint (D): A skill that indicates being acknowledged as a saint. Although only a minor saint he can grant himself a D-rank in Charisma when surrounded by people who acknowledge his sainthood.

    Crippled Since Birth (-): Not a proper skill per se but rather a signifier of a hero having been born with some kind of deformity or condition that limits their mobility. Rider possesses a blessing that keeps his affliction at bay, but if that blessing were removed or negated he would be rendered immobile indefinitely.

    Pilgrim’s Blessing (B): A gift of gratitude given to Rider for his hospitality. Drinking from the hands of the religious pilgrims created a minor miracle. Where once God dictated he would not take a single step in his life he now dictated he would ride out into the world and serve his nation as one of its greatest mythological heroes.



    Noble Phantasms




    Solovei

    ~Disembodied Whistle of the Robber-King~

    Type: Anti-Fortress
    Rank: B
    Range: 2~50
    Max Targets: 500

    Solovei the Brigand, also known as Nightingale the Robber, was a half-bird, half-human Phantasmal Beast that liked to terrorise the ancient Russians. He would sit on his perch and wait for unsuspecting travelers to pass under him before letting out a high-pitched whistle. This whistle was incredibly deadly. Anyone caught within earshot of it would surely die as the World around them revolted. The grass underfoot would lose its colour, flowers would wilt, mighty trees would topple over. An anecdote exists of this deadly whistle destroying a palace belonging to Prince Vladimir, killing all the servants and noblemen inside.

    Rider would face off against this Robber-King and endure its deadly whistle long enough to critically wound it. He brought the contemptible creature before his prince who demanded to see a display of its power. After requesting wine to drink, Solovey unleashed his awful weapon upon Prince Vladimir’s subjects, only to be quickly beheaded by Rider.

    The sound that came from Solovey was not the actual mechanism that killed his targets. It was simply a portent to his actual method. Solovey was in possession of a variant of the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. One of the last surviving Fomorian subjects, Solovey was able to perceive lines of death through a method similar to echolocation by using subsonic noises. The upshot of which is that the “eyes” can perceive death within a wide area, allowing him to knock over entire forests and palaces behind thick walls. The downside is that those who cannot or refuse to heed his “warning” will be unaffected. Rider still possesses the Robber-King’s head, and although he lacks the means to reactivate its Mystic Eyes, he can still blow air through it to reproduce the [Death Portent Whistle]. Much like how tree roots find flaws in rocks and concrete to sink their roots into the sound will travel through any structure, finding its most vulnerable points, and assaulting them ensuring the structure will be brought down. Aimed at Servants and any pre-existing injuries will be irritated and accentuated. Those who cannot find purchase on the ground will be swept away by the hurricane force winds. Aimed at reinforced strongholds and the whole fortress will come down due to even the smallest imperfections.




    Svyatogor

    ~The Giant's Steed and Stone Coffin~


    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B+
    Range: 0~25
    Max Targets: 100

    During Rider’s first adventure he encountered a giant knight named Svyatogor, napping upon his horse. Rider failed to wake up the giant on his own and was instead picked up by the giant and put into his pocket while he slept. It was only after waking did the giant knight introduce himself to Rider and the two became travelling companions. They both came across a massive stone coffin that was too large for Rider but Svyatogor fit inside perfectly. Weary from many battles, the giant laid himself to rest, granting his monstrous strength to Rider and leaving him his massive steed.

    When activated this Noble Phantasm summons Svyatogor, the Giant’s Steed, a massive horse made of stone. Svyatogor stands 40 feet tall and is incredibly durable, able to withstand anti-fortress Noble Phantasms of A rank or lower. It moves slowly and carefully but it is incredibly powerful, each of its footfalls causing the ground underfoot to crack and tremor. It is less a sentient creature and more of a container for a giant’s heart, able to exist independently for a short while if it were cut off from Rider’s mana supply. The mount is a gift willed to Rider upon the death of his giant friend and the vessel that carried the giant’s soul to the afterlife. As such it functions as a psychopomp, a carrier of lost souls to the beyond, having a small amount of authority over life itself. Plant-life wilts in its presence as it slowly drains mana from the surrounding area. This only poses a threat to humans or Servants after prolonged exposure but its presence does act as a grim reminder to all that death is not something that “arrives”, it is something that is encoded on an object when it is born and serves as that object’s inevitable endpoint.




    Personality

    Rider is jovial, soft-spoken, generous and well-mannered. He enjoys the company of others and is a very hospitable host. He is slow to anger but will on occasion become angered by others not offering him the same pleasantries he offers them. He enjoys wine and feasts but is not concerned with money or status.

    A man who prefers the simpler things in life, he likes to live life in the slow-lane, giving him a chance to pursue his farming interests. Spending the first 33 years of his life unable to move has instilled a great patience within him. People to him are like crops; they require great care and attention. Some take root and grow faster than others, but with time they will eventually yield results. Take it from a man who never learned to walk until his 30s. He jokingly refers to himself as a “late-bloomer”.


    Quotes

    “Greetings master. I am Ilya the bogatyr, protector of the Motherland and defender of Rus’ from the Golden Horde. Patient I may be, I am eager to serve.”
    (to Illyasviel von Einzbern (Servant))
    “You. Small one who bears my name. I sense a great destiny within you. A great and awful destiny...”
    (to Napoleon)
    “You, like some many others before you, tried to set foot on my Motherland unwelcome. Your foolhardiness cost the lives of your own men. I am not happy they froze in their tracks, all I feel is pity.”
    (to Ivan the Terrible)
    “I refuse to recognise you as my statesman.”




    Creator's Notes

    imagine if you will you are a soviet director working with hundreds of people to painstakingly recreate era accurate costumes and sets for a massive film epic celebrating your country’s most famous mythological hero

    imagine rounding up 100,000 extras and 10,000 horses for massive battle scenes

    now imagine this film being imported to america and given a generic fantasy name

    now imagine that movie being made fun of by robot puppets on american tv

    mst3k was a mistake

  6. #1426
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Ilya: Having written up a sheet for this figure myself a while back it's interesting to compare our takes. Have to say, I love how you pulled off his NPs. Giving Solovei a sonic-variant Mystic Eyes Of Death Perception was an ingenious choice, and the giant rock-horse is a really creative twist on his legend too (reminds me of some ideas I toyed with for a Svyatogor sheet). His personality is simple, but well-written and fits the kind of man Ilya was. Skills-wise I take it Pilgrim's Blessing has no effect beyond just nullifying his Crippled Since Birth Skill? Curious if it offers some broader defenses against ailments/disabilities as well...

  7. #1427
    I'll have your heart! Hound of Ulster's Avatar
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    Hilariously enough, I was also working on porting an old Rider Ilya sheet I finished a while back. Still needs a bit of work, but I'd probably reclass him if I were to start from scratch. I also considered giving him Nightingale's whistle, but in the end it felt a bit weird giving loot from defeated foes that a hero never used, themselves. Anyway, here's Russian All Might.



    Name: Ilya Muromets

    Title(s): Chief of the Bogatyr, Knight of Possibility

    Class: Rider

    Gender: Male

    Attribute: Earth

    Alignment: Neutral Good

    Weapons: Mace, Spear, Bow and Arrow, Fist

    Legend
    Ilya Muromets is the greatest and most well-known of the Bogatyr, knights of Kievan Rus who served Prince Vladimir the Great, similar to France's Twelve Peers of Charlemagne, or Britain's Knights of the Round Table. Born as a crippled peasant who was unable to even walk until his 30s, it wasn't until Ilya was informed of his superhuman strength by a group of pilgrims that he began his adventures. From defending Kiev against the armies of three despotic Tsars to facing off against a terrible dragon and its shrieks of terror, Ilya Muromets dedicated his limitless strength to the rightful ruler of his land. Ilya's story is a story of hope for the downtrodden, that everyone is filled with a wellspring of untapped potential, and that they only need to believe in themselves to overcome the impossible.

    Personality
    A jovial and simple man, Ilya fights only for the sake of others. Hailing from modest origins when compared to other knights of renown, Ilya is far too familiar of the hardships those who cannot defend themselves face in a world full of strife and tyranny. Because of this, Ilya tries his best to act as a symbol of hope to those he protects, fighting with his all so that those under his protection don't have to. Humbly, he serves his Master like a dear friend without the formality of a knight so long as they don't wish to cause the mass suffering of others. Due to his unyielding faith and his own belief in himself, Ilya continues to move forward no matter how arduous his task is, or how strong his opponents are, facing all hardships with a smile on his face.

    Parameters
    STR: B+

    END: A

    AGI: D

    MGI: D

    LCK: A

    Class Skills
    Magic Resistance: B
    Cancels spells with chants of three verses or lower. Even when targeted by High-Thaumaturgy or Greater Rituals, it is hard to be affected. As an epic hero who was canonized as a saint by the Church, Ilya's aptitude in Magic Resistance is high for a Rider.

    Riding: A
    All vehicles and all creatures with the exception of Phantasmal Beasts and Divine Beasts can be used as mounts. This rank is high enough to be classified as a Rider-class Servant. Ilya took great care of his steed, a once weak and scrawny stallion that soon became the strongest horse in the land.

    Personal Skills
    Saint's Body: EX
    A condition unique to Ilya's body, which is said to increase in power when brought down to the earth. While struggling against all odds, whether if he were pinned down by a more powerful adversary or on the losing side of a grand battle, Ilya's strength would rise to superhuman levels in order to match the occasion. Naturally, this also allows Ilya's body to maintain a level of strength that far exceeds that of a normal human. When under the effects of this skill, Ilya's body appears to harden as if he were sculpted out of stone.

    Bravery: A
    Negates mental interference such as pressure, confusion, and fascination. Also grants a bonus to melee damage. Ilya bravely marched forward against his adversaries, from vicious monsters to entire armies, and even shrugged off the despairing effects of Nightingale the Robber's magical whistle.

    Guardian Knight: B+
    Grants temporary defensive bonuses when acting in defense of others. As a defender of Kievan Rus who singlehandedly defended his nation from its many opponents, all of Russia looks to Ilya as a symbol of peace and protection. Derives only a moderate boost to defense for a short period when utilized to protect others. However, when Ilya is defending his home nation or its citizens- including the many Slavic Heroic Spirits such as his fellow Bogatyrs- a tremendous boost to defense is instead granted born from a desire to serve and protect his native land.

    Noble Phantasm 1: Hamon-For-All
    Name: Dykhaniye Svyatogora

    Title: Inheritance From The Last Of The Giants

    Rank: B

    NP Type: Anti-Unit (Self), Anti-Fortress

    Range: 0 ~ 25

    Maximum Number of Targets: 100

    Around the beginning of Ilya's adventures, he came across the giant Bogatyr known as Svyatogor, who was referred to as a "basic force of the Earth itself" by the holy men who healed Ilya before. Becoming fast friends, they traveled together until Svyatogor's death. However, before the giant died, he passed his strength to Ilya through his breath along with his mighty sword, granting him the giant's immeasurable power to go along with Ilya's own heroic strength.

    Taking the form of a stockpile of power that can be accessed by simply breathing in, it allows Ilya to increase the power and force behind his blows. Normally Ilya would use this in conjunction with his own strength to make his attacks stronger, such as by firing arrows that can rip fissures through the very earth. If Ilya were to breathe in deeply, he can increase the strength of his attacks to outrageous levels, capable of delivering punches that produce wide-range shockwaves strong enough to shatter windows and knock down all in its path. Using this Noble Phantasm in such a way uses moderate amounts of magical energy, and he can only truly unleash the full power of this Noble Phantasm through his own natural attacks, as his weapons would not be able to take such force. Suffice to say, getting directly hit by attacks of this magnitude is likely not ideal.

    Ilya is unable to release the "full earth-shattering might" of Dykhaniye Svyatogora without Svyatogor's sword, which would be his Noble Phantasm under the Saber class container.

    Noble Phantasm 2: Deku Horse
    Name: Karushka

    Title: Fly On And Achieve Greatness

    Rank: B+

    NP Type: Anti-Army

    Range: 2 ~ 40

    Maximum Number of Targets: 500

    The mighty onyx stallion of Ilya Muromets. Once a scraggly foal, it was through following the advice of the pilgrims who healed him as well as his own motivation that Karushka was able to reach grand heights, becoming the "strongest horse" in Kievan Rus. A heroic spirit in its own right, Karushka maintains the skill Bravery two ranks below its master, capable of fighting alongside Ilya. However, Karushka's true power is made apparent when it is mounted by Ilya. Combining their dual nature as "weaklings who surpassed all expectations", Karushka gains the ability to "exceed all possibilities," granting Karushka the ability of high-speed flight despite lacking wings or being a member of a phantasmal species, itself. It is an ability gained by the steed in life reinforced with the matter of a class of commercial airliners and heavy bombers being named after Ilya Muromets. This effect also doubles the success rate of saving throws performed while Ilya is mounted atop his steed.

    When Karushka's true name is invoked, the stallion inhales deeply- likely as an imitation of its rider- before making a mighty trampling charge, bringing its hooves down with enough force to shake the earth around it, and finally making a mighty leap to its target location, crushing its opponents with the force that can bring down an entire horde. It's the same attack that Karushka was able to crush the armies of the three Tsars that besieged Kiev. Naturally, attack power increases if performed from a higher altitude utilizing Karushka's ability of flight.

    Last edited by Hound of Ulster; September 7th, 2020 at 10:23 AM. Reason: i messed up on formatting lmao

  8. #1428
    Still looking for feedback on Caster, but now that I've completed all four templates for Peter Pan - Assassin, Caster, Rider, and Saber - I wanted to talk more in-depth about Peter's potential as a Double Summon. I mentioned in the entries that this would make her even more dangerous than before, both due to her chimerical personality and how her class-restricted powers complement each other. Here are my thoughts on how some of the combos would work:


    • Assassin/Caster- Thematically, this is one of the more cohesive fusions, creating what is either a dream turned into a nightmare, or a dark dream that got a bit more wonder and innocence added to it. Pan here is heartless and enigmatic, but also wondrous and charming. As a living dream filled with unrestrained heartlessness, she utterly loathes reality and, rather than simply seeking to overwhelm it with magic, wishes to to outright kill the grown-up world, and watch the adults die at the hands of the children and imagination they oppress. Her combined powers have a couple new effects. First, when Caster cuts open a rift using her Shadow Dagger within 150 feet of one of her Island Come True fragments of Neverland, she can make the portal connect right to that bounded space and send her victims straight there; it's possible someone could use that opportunity to escape, but since it's hard to identify the place of the rip ahead of time and Gaia quickly closes the hole afterwards, it's hard for those trapped inside to take advantage of it. Second, since shadows contain part of a person's soul, a shadow that's been severed with the dagger and taken into one of the Neverland fragments will undergo the same assimilation process as others under the effect of The Island Come True, turning into shadows that would match a local of the fantasy isle. Since the shadows only have a small bit of a person's soul, their transformation is more rapid: in 2 days, they will completely transform, and on the 4th day they'll come to life as reflections of what the Neverland wants their other selves to become. If their former counterparts end up in those Neverland fragments, their shadows can reattach themselves to their bodies; from that point forward, the shadows' rewritten existence will leak back into their main selves' souls, accelerating their assimilation under The Island Come True. Furthermore, these transformed shadows are now anchored to the Neverland, and they will resist leaving, making it harder for those connected to the shadows to escape. Third, the Crocodile, while still abysmally slow, can effortlessly teleport between the different Neverland areas at will. Also, the "star" familiars serving Pan through her Star Talker skill help cover her back during raids, keeping an eye out and letting her know when the coast is clear for her to sneak in - and warning her if anyone gets wise to her presence.




    • Rider/Saber- This combination maintains Pan's overall sense of heroism, but with a bit more grown-up behavior; rather than being a heroic child who fights pirates, she's a child trying to act more mature as a dashing pirate with a sense of gallantry and charm. Beings summoned through the Neverland's Peoples noble phantasm now have a special instinct that activates in the scenario that someone bearing Peter's Kiss is close to them while Peter is also nearby: when these requirements are met, they feel compelled to attack the Kiss holder - drown her, shanghai her, launch weapons at her, burn her at the stake, etc.; since Peter is close by and able to save whoever is threatened by the summoned beings, this gives her more opportunities to gain Hero's Reward/Kiss-related bonuses for saving the wearer. Peter also gets Hero's Reward bonuses for saving Neverland inhabitants. As for the Hook for a Hand curse, things become even worse when the pirate-turned victim steps on board the Jolly Roger. Since this was where in the story Hook and Pan fight to the death, the presence of both the pirate and Pan on the ship automatically forces them into a battle on the spot and gives Peter a strong luck bonus as the destined winner; that said, sometimes Pan will humiliate yet spare the enemy as "encouragement" for him to get even stronger.




    • Assassin/Rider- In this format, Pan is more like Captain Hook than ever, embodying more the vision of an evil pirate lurking in the shadows to abduct innocents rather than a heartless, adult-hating boy in the shadows (not that either is that pleasant). Sometimes, Pan will "park" the Jolly Roger right where she's cutting open a hole in reality, so the victims will fall straight onto the Jolly Roger and be her prisoner. Even after Gaia repairs the holes Peter makes with Shadow Dagger, her tears still leave their mark, and she can target those sewed-up rips to effortlessly travel through via the Jolly Roger; she'll sometimes sneak into a place, make a quick tear into reality and leave, only to later return on the fully-armed Jolly Roger. After having cut off and captured shadows, Pan enjoys performing mock executions aboard the Jolly Roger as she tortures the unfortunate shadows and makes them "walk the plank" - this is usually done when the ship is passing through other worlds, as it leaves the shadows behind there to unknown fates and makes it much harder for victims to get their shadows back. Also, for those cursed with Crocodile's Feast, beware of setting foot on the Jolly Roger, for the Crocodile will swim about the storm surrounding the galleon and unerringly wait right where the target might fall overboard. Not that victims will be much safer elsewhere, since the Crocodile, as part of the eternal circle of foes tracking each other in Neverland, can be freely summoned with the Neverland's Peoples noble phantasm. In addition, some of the beings summoned with Neverland's Peoples know special magic that can be used on severed shadows: the Fairies can, by coating shadows in enough fairy dust, make them come alive as servants at their beck and call; the "Indians" can sacrifice shadows in savage rituals to cast areas in darkness or create cursed weapons for their kin (sacrificed shadows are considered permanently destroyed and unrecoverable); and the Mermaids can "sing" the shadows into black pearls they wear on their person to enhance their seductive charm and magic (if enough mermaids under a full moon sing close to the shadow's former owner, it's possible for the rest of that soul to be pulled into the pearl as well).




    • Caster/Rider- Thematically, the fusion is a little weak compared to other combos, since Caster embodies childish imagination while Rider plays at the edge of growing up. Still, there are some interesting complements to their skills and noble phantasms. As mentioned in the Caster profile, beings assimilated into Neverland locals via The Island Come True can then be summoned in their corresponding groups as part of Rider's Neverland's Peoples power. But more than that, the combo means Peter can place the Neverland inhabitants within the originally empty spaces she summons with The Island Come True. When the Neverland's Peoples noble phantasm is dismissed, the summoned inhabitants automatically go back to the Neverland, or to the corresponding space within The Island Come True - and anyone currently held by them will be pulled through with them, too (though only if they are going back to a fragment from The Island Come True rather than straight to the Reverse Side). A common tactic is for Peter to have the summons from Neverland's Peoples go out and raid the area for "worthy" victims to take captive, send them all back to the Neverland territories, and re-summon them with the new "recruits" to bolster their numbers. Also, the Jolly Roger can freely travel between the separate Neverland areas summoned through The Island Come True. Moreover, since the pirate ship itself was a notable feature in Neverland, the Jolly Roger (and the mile-radius storm around it) count as its own piece of The Island Come True, complete with the gradual assimilation (people on or around the Jolly Roger are most likely to become Lost Boys, Pirates, or Mermaids). Plus, since sailor have relied upon the heavenly bodies for navigation for eons, Pan gains a bonus to her navigation with the Jolly Roger using her Star Talker skill; however, since the skill is false, so too is the navigation boost - rather than give Peter insights on where to travel, she instead gains a luck boost to ensure that wherever she whimsically chooses to go ultimately ends up helping her. Furthermore, the fairy dust produced by Pan enhances the speed of the Jolly Roger, especially when it's flying.




    • Assassin/Saber- While this seems to be the most incompatible set-up for Pan's class fusions, with Saber's heroism and Assassin's evil seemingly at opposing ends, it's not actually that bad for Peter, since she has always been a strange mix of heroism and darkness, connected by childish, heartless innocence. Rather than simply foster dependence on her with her Kisses, Peter will use her Kiss-wearers' devotion to her to twist them, doing her best to make them into deadly, heartless killers in her own image; she especially loves to turn child against parent, and have the "wicked" grown-ups die at their own children's hands. Pan will sometimes "test" herself by creating reality tears around people with the Shadow Dagger and then quickly saving them before they fall in so she reaps Hero's Reward; if she doesn't get there in time...well, too bad, she'll just have to save someone else. And those cursed by both the Hook for a Hand and Crocodile's Feast tricks simultaneously will face a double-whammy, as they are compelled to fight Pan to the death while also being stalked by the vicious Crocodile; their growing obsession with killing Peter makes it easier for them to miss telltale signs of the Crocodile, while their fear of the Crocodile makes it more likely they'll slip up in a fight against Peter. And since Hook did die in the end from the Crocodile (after being kicked by Peter), the victim's death via the Crocodile will still count as Peter's win and qualify her for the Hero's Reward bonus.




    • Caster/Saber- With this powerful combination, the various fairy tale stories of Neverland all center around Peter's heroism, working to pull everyone into this neverending story of her adventures, whether as "good" people assisting her or "bad" people opposing her. Those given Pan's Kisses are granted "protection" from the outside real world, making it harder to reverse things done to their body and mind via The Island Come True. Furthermore, Kiss holders become more susceptible to Peter's charms, and she'll work to persuade them to let go of their old lives and stay forever on the island, and become the kind of people Peter wants them to be for the story. Plus, when Pan earns a "hidden kiss" from someone within a fragment of the dream island, instead of the standard stat upgrade, she can alternatively use the hidden kiss to speed up the target's week-long assimilation by a day. And since people becoming permanent parts of Neverland counts as a "happy ending" in the story being told, Peter will receive a Hero's Reward boost whenver someone completely loses themselves to Neverland, with a hidden kiss bonus if the assimilated person was carrying a Kiss. Exposure to territories summoned with The Island Come True also accelerates the descent of Hook for a Hand victims into their pirate roles as Peter's archenemy. And if a story made true with Bedtime Stories and involves the target, the person will be affected accordingly; should the story involve the ultimate battle between Peter and the pirate captain, the fated battle will be shaped to match the narrative, making it ever harder to escape their doom. If fully turned into a pirate captain and assimilated into Neverland, the victim may get a temporary "stay of execution" to better suit Peter's objectives: the captain will kidnap people from the mainland and take them into the Neverland territories - some will stay with the captain and become pirates at the captain's command, while others will be "saved" by Peter (giving her a boost) and end up still becoming other island residents.


    Those were my takes on these potential combos, at least. Any thoughts about them?
    Last edited by Cataquack Warrior; September 10th, 2020 at 12:19 PM.

  9. #1429
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Before i react upon the other entries or rather versions .

    Caster Pan: Also quit interesting i can say the first noblephantasm is also like the from her other classes more terryfying then it seems at fisrt.

    Cataquack Warrior : So i have read the combi "packets" i can say that i havent thought that a Peter Pan servant could be so terryfying and powerfull alone to imagine These abbillities adapted into an visual anime i got this Expression >

    They are Really good and interesting i kmust say and ist inteesting how they various class combis creating the abillity commbi and how ist affects her personality .

    Please tell me which of Pans forms would find my Neferuseth the most combatible with and which servants would you think are her Nemesis and are you planning other srvants in the next time ?
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; September 7th, 2020 at 05:20 PM.
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !

    Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !

    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  10. #1430
    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Before i react upon the other entries or rather versions .

    Caster Pan: Also quit interesting i can say the first noblephantasm is also like the from her other classes more terryfying then it seems at fisrt.

    Cataquack Warrior : So i have read the combi "packets" i can say that i havent thought that a Peter Pan servant could be so terryfying and powerfull alone to imagine These abbillities adapted into an visual anime i got this Expression >

    They are Really good and interesting i kmust say and ist inteesting how they various class combis creating the abillity commbi and how ist affects her personality .

    Please tell me which of Pans forms would find my Neferuseth the most combatible with and which servants would you think are her Nemesis and are you planning other srvants in the next time ?
    Glad you liked them. I had a lot of fun redesigning the Peter Pan templates, and imagining how they could potentially complement each other.

    I think Neferuseth would be most compatible with Peter Pan's Assassin or Caster forms. Assassin, being a heartless wraith, wouldn't have any problem with her dark tendencies and would in fact appreciate the extra enhancements she could bring to the shadows she steals; the only potential issue would be if Neferuseth was overly strict, as that could trigger Peter's rebellious nature and hatred of grown-ups. Caster is a little less evil than Assassin but still heartless, and she wouldn't mind Neferuseth; as long as Peter views Neferuseth as a magical being, like the mermaids or fairies, rather than as a mundane grown-up, even her more adult traits wouldn't upset Peter that much. Saber would be the least likely to work, both because she sees herself as the hero (and grown-ups are the enemy), and because she might decide to make Neferuseth into a "worthy opponent" with the whole Hook for a Hand curse.

    For nemesi of Pan, it would kind of vary. In general, Peter's greatest enemies would be those who fulfill her mindset of "grown-ups" - adults who care too much about rules and don't believe in magic or fun. Lawful-aligned Servants could become her enemies, as well as visibly older people. She would also oppose scientists (and magi) who are stodgy and big on rules, since those are the people who disbelieve and hurt the whimsical magic of Neverland. For Saber, she's actively looking for a "fun" opponent, as in someone who can challenge her and give her a good fight. Saber would probably go after people who would be good opponents for her swordplay, like a knight or warrior; even if said target's morals get in the way, Hook for a Hand can take care of that. Rider, I'm not sure who she'd go after. However, unlike other forms who tend to see pirates as the enemy, Rider sees pirate Servants as fellow "mateys" and rivals (though this can still lead to conflict in the end). Assassin would go after the most grown-uppish characters, same with Caster, though Caster at least is willing to accept adults who are inhuman/magical enough to not qualify as mundane grown-ups to her. Assassin seeks out someone she despises, but while Caster might sometimes do the same, Caster is more interested in someone who fits the flow of the "story" being told.

    As for what I'll do next, I'm not sure. I've created a few other Servant templates on SpaceBattles that I might share and spruce up here, or maybe I'll come up with some new ones, too.

  11. #1431
    993639341ee4deb3d06b9a03832fe249KarlMarxServantCut.png

    Class: Berserker
    Other Classes: Caster
    Gender: Male
    True Name: Karl Marx
    Alignment: Madly Good
    Origin: Historical Fact
    Region: Germany, Europe
    Height: 175cm
    Weight: 70kg
    Likes: Hard Workers, Underdogs, Justice, Equality
    Dislikes: Nobles, Bourgeoisie,Injustice, Unequality, Superstition
    Hidden Attribute: Human
    Natural Enemy: All Communist dictators
    Catalyst: A first edition copy of The Communist Manifesto or Capital. A Critique of Political Economy

    Stats:
    Strength: E-
    Endurance: E-
    Agility: E-
    Mana: E-
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: EX

    Skills:
    Class Skill:
    Spoiler:
    Mad Enhancement EX (E-~ A++):
    Understanding and Discourse is normally not inhibited, but Berserker is unable to accept the reality of the supernatural.
    Defying his own momentary existence as a Servant he will deny anything that suggests Mystery exists, resorting to more and more bizarre mental gymnastics the more proof he gets presented with that contradicts his claim.
    Repeated exposure to the supernatural results in an increasingly harsh breakdown, that ranks up the effects of this Skill.
    If some time passes between confrontations the Skill ranks down, corresponding with the inner quiet Berserker was allowed to regain.


    Personal Skills:
    Spoiler:
    Discernment of the Poor B
    Insight to see through the opponent's character and attribute.
    Even though he is from a quite priviliged background, he has acquired this Skill throught empathy, mentally putting himself in the shoes of the less fortunate.
    One could say this Skill represents his origin as a fighter for the Working Class.

    Inciting Charisma A

    Composite Skill of Incite and Charisma.
    This is not the Skill to lead an army, but the Skill to create one out of the poor and abandoned.
    It is easy for him to get people to join his cause and his words and presence strenghten them in battle.
    Curiously it‘s possible to influence privileged people as well.

    Single-Mindedness B

    The ability to immerse oneself in something, exhibiting a superhuman degree of focus.
    He worked tirelessly to refine his theory, spread it and fight for the people.
    In his case it slightly raises the effectiveness of his other Skills and Noble Phantasms


    Noble Phantasms:
    Spoiler:
    Das Kommunistische Manifest ~ The Ghost of Communism A:
    This Noble Phantasm allows him to recruit people for his cause of spreading Communism.
    Targets have to join him of their own will.
    People affected by it will be strenghened to the level of a novice Magus enhancing their body making them able to potentially overwhelm Servants with numbers (especially if combined with his other Noble Phantasms). Also they are fervently loyal to Berserker and will help him to the best of their abilities, but they will also be subjugated under his mood, becoming increasingly incited in synchro with him, ending as a bloodthirsty, murderous mob if his Mad Enhancement reaches it‘s most potent state..

    Das Kapital ~ Value of Existence B:
    This Noble Phantasm redistributes stats of every person in it‘s range (Servants and humans included) to an equal measure, in theory making everyone be equally strong/weak.
    It doesn‘t encompass Skills however, so Servants still have a certain edge in battle.
    The range is always identical with that of Opium fürs Volk.
    Secondarily it can read the stats of others if they enter Berserker‘s sight, even if they are still out of the range of the redistribution effect.

    Opium fürs Volk ~ There is no Mystery in this World EX:
    The Noble Phantasm that is responsible for his class.
    Conversely he has normally no access to it as a Caster, and should he be made able to use it, he‘d change to a Berserker instantly.
    It causes complete annulment of any supernatural phenomena in a 100m radius around Berserker as the center. The range will be enwidened by the degree Berserker‘s Mad Enhancement gets activated, ending in a 1km radius as the farthest.
    Magecraft and other Servant‘s Noble Phantasms and Skills, are brought down to the level of normal Humans, Weapons, Animals etc.
    In effect it dispells any and all Mystery no matter how strong it is, but that doesn‘t mean automatic victory.
    Servents retain their weapons, even if extra effects would be dispelled, and they also retain their combat experience and moves to a degree a normal person could use them (Excalibur can‘t be hidden with Invisible Air but it is still a sword and Artoria is capable of using it as such).
    Also projectiles from outside the radius aren‘t shielded and continue to fly on their path, even if their special properties are negated.
    This makes Berserker vulnerable to Archers in particular.
    Command Spells and Berserker‘s own Skills and Noble Phantasms are not effected.


    Relationships/Dialogue
    Spoiler:
    Summon
    I am Karl Marx, a Berserker. Hm? I‘m too calm to be a Berserker? I don‘t know much about that, but let us begin the Revolution!

    Spartacus, Lakshmibai
    Ah! Such inspiring liberators! Even if they failed, their will to stand up and fight is truly commendable.

    Any Communist Dictator
    Wretched Demon! I‘ll never forgive you for dragging my utopia down to hell.

    Servants, who were Magi in life or have divinity or other supernatural origins
    Are you delusional? The supernatural does not exist!
    ...
    You‘re asking me how we are here then, being already dead?
    I don‘t know, but the reason cannot be Magic, because it does not exist!!


    Notes:
    Spoiler:
    I remembered the phrase „Opium fürs Volk“ (Opium for the People) as a discription of Religion and wanted to make it into a NP that negates Mystery.
    Since my last servant was seen as being ‚too nerfed‘ I just let my imagination flow after finding out that it was Karl Marx who said it and made him into a Berserker not because of his deeds in life but because as a Servant with a NP that rejects Mystery he would not be able to comprehend or accept the fact that he is a supernatural being now.
    I know it is slightly inaccurate because Marx was not such an avid atheist as other socialists.
    Still for balance, I made his stats be abysmal (except when under heavy Mad Enhancement), making him wholy rely on his Noble Phantasms and Skills to fight.

  12. #1432
    魔神ムルムル Kamera's Avatar
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    "Have a taste, human, of the food fried in the oil of greed and the sweet wine of suffering"


    ...

    “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

    --such is the words of the Messiah. At the ends of time, it is revealed that the world shall be of the inversion of this message.



    “And when the he opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come!” Then I looked and saw a black horse, and its rider held in his hand a pair of scales. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!”

    --such is the revelation spoken by St. John. The Rider of the Black Horse, one the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, bearing the concept of “famine”, he spread death and suffering though deprivation and accumulation of resources.

    ...

    Just as the Mother Harlot Babylon sits on many waters that consists of peoples, multitudes, nations and languages, the Black Rider “rides” on the same type of things.

    “He” rides on wealth, “he” rides on the crown of rulers, “he” rides on commodities, “he” rides on the blood and sweat of humans, “he” rides on love and greed and--

    It was only appropriate that the Holy Grail grant “him” the designation of Rider-class.



    Desire for wealth, desire for fulfillment of needs and desire itself, desire for consumption and desire for production, desire for prosperity. Since time immemorial, humanity has always been inseparable from this, it is the cornerstone of civilization and human happiness.

    But when such desire separates itself from humanity, becoming an abominable beast that brought destruction and suffering--will humanity able to tame this beast, or will they be consumed by it?

    ...

    Class: Rider
    True Name: Black Rider - Famine
    Gender: -
    Alignment: True Neutral
    Origin: Book of Revelation
    Attribute: Sky

    A representation of the excessive greed, the deprivation of needs and desire, the changing of humanity’s concept of “value” -- in other words, Famine. Such is perhaps the true nature of the Rider of the Black Horse that holds a pair of scales, as mentioned in the Revelation of St. John.

    Parameters:
    STR: C
    END: E
    AGI: C
    MGI: EX
    LCK: A
    NP: EX

    Class Skills:
    Riding: EX
    Whether living beings, inanimate objects or even abstract concepts, as long as it is "something that humans can assign value to", the Black Rider is capable of "riding" it.

    Magic Resistance: E++
    Being an existence born of the consequences of human actions and interactions, the Black Rider is naturally susceptible to humans manipulating the Magic Circuit that composes Rider's true form. However, although magecraft may "alter its form and functions", they are incapable of directly "inflicting damage" upon Rider.

    Personal Skills:
    Circulation: A
    The ability of expanding one's territory by means of transaction and exchange, of buying and selling, of production and consumption. In essence, by means of "owning things" the Black Rider incorporates the "things that are owned" into its Saint Graph, acting as its corpus, its literal body -- in other words, Black Rider operates as a "corporation".

    This corpus and its functioning can be regarded as a self-expanding and self-improving Magic Circuit linked to the one Rider’s Master possesses, acting as some sort of Magic Crest that displays different effects depending on the composition of Rider's corpus. In addition, the “total value” of Rider's "body" is converted into magical energy, and stored inside Rider’s Golden Grail Noble Phantasm.

    Hungry World: EX
    The “operating system” which the Black Rider runs on. It is the ability to measure desire, to calculate the needs and wants of humans, an image that reflects humanity’s fear of “poverty” and “suffering”. In other words, it is the skill to observe the market.

    Depending on the era and location Rider is summoned into, as well as the Master’s perception of “wealth”, the resulting observation morphs and adapts accordingly. In addition, the contents and properties of the things which form Rider’s corpus might also greatly influence this skill. For example, if summoned in present day, there is a high chance that Black Rider will operate on the principle of “maximizing profit”, making Rider prioritize above all else to filling the “Golden Grail” with as much magical energy as possible.

    Mass Production: EX
    The reproduction of the most efficient “means of production” from which the Black Rider is summoned into. In the modern era, it takes form as the ability to mass produce items through physical factories and human labor. In other words, by using its corpus as a Magic Circuit, Black Rider employs human beings, machines, mystic codes as well as spirits and Servants to continuously turn their physical as well as magical energy into items, more or less similar to how Projection Magecraft works.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Libra Iustitia
    False Balance is as Abomination to the Lord
    Type: Anti-Value
    Rank: EX
    The Scales of Justice which the Black Horsemen holds. “A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius” -- thus is the statement of the unjust price that heralds the coming of the Famine.

    It is not a scale that measures what humanity truly needs and desires, but one that deliberately manipulates and freely falsifies the concept of “things that holds value”. It is said that one’s man treasure is another’s abomination, in that regard, this Noble Phantasm is one that makes it so that the “abomination becomes treasure and treasure becomes abomination”.

    Among other things, it has the ability to reduce the rank of certain Skills and Noble Phantasms from up to A-rank down to E-rank, inversely, it can also raise Skills and Noble Phantasms from E-rank up to A-rank. Such is the ridiculous and unfair effect of the false Scales.

    Aurea Poculum
    The Love of Money is the Root of All Evils
    Type: Holy Grail
    Rank: EX
    The same Golden Grail which the being known as Mystery Babylon possesses. "And see thou hurt not the oil and the wine" -- thus is the selfish command to hoard wealth for oneself amidst the suffering of the famine.

    A Holy Grail filled with abominations, filth and the spilled blood of humans, indiscriminately granting the desires and wishes of those who hold it, without regard to good or evil.

    Strictly speaking, the Cup of the Golden Grail is none other than the Black Rider’s Saint Graph (corpus), and the content of the Grail is none other than its “total value” converted by the Scales into “grail mud” and stored inside an Imaginary Number Space. Conversely, by pouring this “mud” into the enemy, this “total value” becomes the “total damage” which corresponds to the veracity of the Master’s greed.

    Perhaps, if the Master possesses enough avarice to completely fill the boundless Golden Grail and spill its contents unto the world -- it might as well be called an Evil of Humanity.

  13. #1433
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Saver
    Identity: Maria
    Gender: Female
    Source: Biblical texts
    Origin: Israel
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Height: 144 cm
    Weight: 41 kg

    Parameters:
    Strength: E
    Endurance: B+
    Agility: D
    Mana: A++
    Luck: A
    NP: D


    Skills
    Passive skills

    Charisma: A
    A rare skill consisting of talent as a leader and one’s natural charm. Rises the abilities of allies in battle.
    Can be said to have reached the maximum level of popularity as a human. Due to the circumstances that led to her current situation, it’s virtually impossible for her to reach the exact same level as an actual messiah, but her good will and desire to save others makes the rank very close to that.

    Counter Hero: B
    Reduces the parameters of heroes in combat by two ranks. The effect is weaker against Anti-Heroes, who receive only a reduction of one rank.
    Maria doesn’t want to fight. Most rational beings who come in contact with her understand that and usually discard the option of combat. For this reason, the effects of this skill are rarely seen.

    Independent Manifestation: C
    A skill superior to Independent Action. It is possible to appear in reality without the necessity of a summoning ritual, let alone the bond of a contract.
    It defines oneself as a confirmed existence, granting resistance against time manipulation and the imposition of death.
    There are numerous claims of the Holy Virgin appearing in front of people in multiple places and eras to perform a miracle. However, this Maria doesn’t have this title. In her case, her apparitions are the result of being a Slider, a sort of vagabond to whom the concept of space and time has become difficult to explain.

    Divine Core of the Goddess: C
    The absoluteness of a goddess since birth.
    Preservation of the bodily figure no matter what and protection from mental interference. Divinity is comprised among the effects of this skill.
    Maria is an existence similar to a Divided Spirit due to the divine grace she received, but since she is not a proper terminal for a Divine Spirit like her son would be, the rank is limited to C.


    Personal skills

    Holy Annunciation: A
    A specific variety of Revelation. The apparition of Gabriel to Maria in order to announce that she would become the mother of the Messiah has been sublimated into a skill.
    Having been visited by an angel, Maria has supposedly received the ability to listen to the voices of Heaven and take a course of action following its instructions, having any preparation for travel accommodated as well. Since Maria is destined to give birth to the savior of humanity, she is guided to reach her ultimate destination…
    However, this Maria is actively trying to avoid that destination, and she may not always follow her revelations.

    Immaculate Conception: A
    The mark of an individual free of sin. A body that was released from the Original Sin that burdened humans since the exile of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, and that could give birth to the child of God. A body without any sin would remain untainted by any sort of evil and emerge unscathed even if All this World’s Evil attempted to corrupt it.
    Unfortunately, the unavoidable assumption of “a person that has lived without sin so far won’t commit any sin in the future” has led to a loophole in which Maria isn’t free of being affected by the potential evil in her own actions.

    Sacrificial Resolve: A
    An affection towards the beloved ones so intense that one wouldn’t even flinch at the idea of sacrificing oneself to save them. Improves the effectiveness of defensive and healing magecraft, skills, and items.
    Maria may not be a fighter, but her will to defend others is unmatched. A pretender “hero of salvation” always ready to take a bullet for anyone, no matter if good or evil, no matter if friend or enemy. Even if she has to depend on others from time to time, she is always the one to risk her life.


    Noble Phantasm
    Regina Carolis Madonna
    Mother over us sinners, thou art She who veileth for His soul

    Type: Anti-Unit (Self), Sacrifice
    Rank: D-
    Range: 0
    Maximum number of targets: 1

    Maria is merely a human without requirements to become a proper Messiah. Even if she was blessed with a body free of the curse that characterizes mankind, as long as she remains human she won’t be able to save humanity. Her destiny isn’t to be a savior of men, but to become that savior’s throne. Though objectified into a mere seat, she would become the one to veil after He who veils for humans, and her protection would be occasionally implored by those who need it.

    The day Maria realizes that this is what she should be, and accept it, salvation shall be truly attained. Her son will become the Messiah that someday will lose his life for the sake of humanity and their sins, and she will ascend to Heavens with her body and soul to care after him. Until then, the grace bestowed upon her by the Lord, though employed for good, will be misused.


    Character
    Personality

    Cheerful, active, positive. A kind young girl in her mid-teens that loves helping others. From the very beginning her disposition was selfless and generous, but now that her maternal instincts have kicked in, she has learned what it is to have someone who she truly wants to protect no matter what, and uses that sensation as a stimulus to never give up on her wish.

    Sacrifice is the certain destiny that awaits martyrs, and it is only more certain for a messiah who will save humanity through his death. However, Maria rejects the option of discarding lives, even if it’s only one, to save the world. For that reason she will use any mean that doesn’t involve death to become a savior. Despite that, she is still too naïve to understand that she may and will be hated by some for that. For that matter, she doesn’t understand either why only her son could become the Messiah, and being reproached for depriving mankind of its savior will only make her sad and confused.


    Treatment with the Master

    The interests of the Master that wants to save humanity match hers, so she offers them to help temporarily. However, no matter what kind of end they meet together, she will absolutely refuse to be helped and will attempt to settle everything on her own. During the road that leads to that end, she will try to persuade the Master and the people met along the way that her actions are righteous.


    Dialogue examples

    Bond 1: “Let me introduce myself again. My name is Maria, wife of Joseph and mother of Jesus. …… Well, I’ve already given my son a name even though I still have to give birth. I’m looking forwards to become a mother, but there are some things I must do before that.”

    Bond 2: “I don’t look pregnant? I actually am expecting, but this pregnancy isn’t a normal one. I’m carrying the child of the Lord after all. Modifying the space in my womb so my belly doesn’t swell is surely as easy as breathing for Him. Maybe I’ll just break my water someday and give birth to a healthy baby. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much…”

    Bond 3: “My body was freed of its sins, so the child of the Lord can be born with an untainted soul. But, if not being burdened by the sin of the forbidden fruit is a requirement to save humanity, then am I not fit to save it too? What difference will there be between my sinless son and sinless me? I’m an expecting mother, not even God should tell me to watch my son lose his life, even if it’s for the greatest good! I must do something, right? Don’t you think the same as well?”

    Bond 4: “I know you understand me in a certain way, Master. You may not be fighting for the same reason as me, but our objectives are similar. Even the execution is almost the same, what with travelling wherever we must to personally save others. …Although I sometimes have my doubts, about if this is the correct thing to do… Er, has that ever happened to you?”

    Bond 5: “Master, what I’m about to say may sound very selfish and harsh, but I advise you to stop trying to save humanity on your own. Even if I asked you for your help, in the end I must be the one who gives up her life to save everyone. …I’m sorry, what I meant to be was: You’ve done a good job, leave the rest to me now. You started doing this just because there was nobody else who could do it, right? Now there is another person that actually wants to do this, so have a good rest now.”

    Likes: “I love helping others. If everyone helped each other, the world would surely become a better place. Though maybe it’s because we can’t do that that we need a Messiah to save us…”

    Dislikes: “I don’t like to see other people suffering… I may sound selfish by saying this, but I want everyone to be happy… That includes my child as well…”

    Wish for the Grail: “Master, do you understand? I’m already fighting for my wish. If the Holy Grail granted that wish, it wouldn’t exist in the first place. That kind of paradox may be dangerous, so I won’t try to create it.”


    Personal data
    Historical depiction

    See “Madonna Mirabilis: The Throne God Shall Not Sit On - Bethlehem”.


    Related characters

    Solomon
    For some reason, I know. Even though he claimed to have done all what he had to do, there were things he had to leave behind against his own will. Hopefully, the day of a new reunion with the friends he protected will come soon.

    Saints
    I have to thank you for contributing to make this world a better place. Even though you couldn’t reach the level of a Messiah, you did your best. I just hope I can release you from the suffering that doing so caused you.

    Goetia
    I understand, you did what you did to help us in your own way, even if it meant becoming evil. Someday I’ll find a way to prevent that you have to become like this, so… Would you accept being saved when that time comes?

    Sesshōin Kiara
    This woman… She had the potential to become a new savior, yet chose to satisfy only herself… What a selfish person… But for some reason I feel deep inside that we’re very similar…

    Angra Mainyu
    Blaming a single person of all the evils of the world… What a cruel thing to do. This won’t save humanity, it’s just venting anger on your neighbour… What could I do to save you…?


    Some stuff for the Bethlehem Singularity. Actual story and improved Personality section coming soon.

  14. #1434
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Okay now to the new Bogatyrs \/

    Ilya Murometz:

    Version from Nitty Kritty:

    Good skillset , his two Noblephantasm are quite unique in their ideas About the Solovei that aspect of his legendd must i have mised but it is a good idea but werent the Formorians not something related to the old Celtic God Balor and Ilyas Region is actually located int he Authority spehre of the Slavic deities ?

    Version from Hound of Ulster:

    To come at the idea of compare Ilya with All Might is actually not unfitting i must say ,although i imagined his personality quite differerent .Also here well done i can say.

    you two made really good Ilyas (sorry Ilyasviel i didnt meant you) i must say and i would be curious how each of them would think of their Bogatyr colleguea ( my)Tugarin ?

    Karl Marx: a Fitting Concept for him it is somewhat Fitting that he himself is no real threat by himself but if he is able to Gather the Massen(Crowds) then he i really dangerous . besides have you seen my review of yur Dracula ?
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  15. #1435
    Maria: So, I'm guessing the divergence here was that Mother Mary decided to try saving the world so her son didn't have to? ...Yeah that seems fair.
    Could you perhaps clarify what exactly her Noble Phantasm does, though? I'm guessing it's some sort of divine blessing that would allow a Messiah to come into being, and she's misusing it to try and be that savior herself?

    - - - Updated - - -
    Last edited by The Fair Tyrant; September 8th, 2020 at 11:10 PM. Reason: Accidentally triple-posted the same thing. My apologies.

  16. #1436
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Yup, this is a Mary that didn't want her son to die, and the Bethlehem Singularity is heavily related to this decision.

    Her NP is more or less what you guessed. I thought of it as something like Solomon's Ars Nova. It basically deletes her from existence by accepting her final destiny, and allows the birth of a Messiah, but for the time being she's using it to do holy miraculous stuff instead. I also made it as a sort of parallel to how Madoka obtained so much potential as a magical girl she became a god when she finally made the contract
    Last edited by King of Padoru; September 9th, 2020 at 10:49 AM.

  17. #1437
    魔神ムルムル Kamera's Avatar
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    Karl Marx: How apt is it for Marx sheet be posted right before a sheet of what is rightly the embodiment of Capitalism. That said, I actually wrote a sheet for him before (two actually), so I might be a little bit too biased, but that aside, let's see. The parameters feels wrong for a Berserker, even with the stated balancing reason. Him being a Berserker for seething primarily against Mystery also feels very wrong, I get materialism and all, but in-universe he probably has close ties to some occultist groups (the Hegel study group for example), but the point is the rage could've been directed at more appropriate target, the bourgeoisie, monarchs etc; anti-mystery could still apply, but it shouldn't be his main concern. For the Noble Phantasms, the first one is fine, for the other NPs, like what I did with my Marx sheet, you could've make one that encompass both effects. Overall, I think it's quite acceptable, but could use more work.

    Maria: This is a really promising premise for a Singularity, I look forward for more. That said, this sheet feels more of a preview of what to come, to avoid spoiling the story of the singularity, so she might still have some things up left unsaid, so all the more reason to look forward to it. Also, I feel she has a lot in common with my Naamah, in that note, would they get along?


    -- that said, any comment on my Black Rider?

  18. #1438
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Kamerad;3086281]Maria: This is a really promising premise for a Singularity, I look forward for more. That said, this sheet feels more of a preview of what to come, to avoid spoiling the story of the singularity, so she might still have some things up left unsaid, so all the more reason to look forward to it. Also, I feel she has a lot in common with my Naamah, in that note, would they get along?

    Hey Kamerad, glad you liked Maria (and I hope the Singularity doesn't disappoint you when it's released). The profile so far is a teaser, and I'll have more stuff included once I finish the Singularity. The plot is almost done, but I have to fix the "opening act" to make it more original.

    I'm pretty sure that Maria and Naamah would get along quite well since they both question God's methods in some way or another and looking for a salvation that goes against those methods. And given the latter's lore, I'm sure Maria is going to cry a lot for the unsaved souls.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kamerad View Post
    -- that said, any comment on my Black Rider?
    I've just finished reading the sheet, and wow, what a scary "final boss that will potentially become stronger over time"-like enemy. "He" does a great job at embodying Capitalism, but changing the primary goal to fit the current era is a great addition that fleshes out the character more than if there was an invariable goal and "he" was just about modern Capitalism. In my opinion that's probably the most interesting part of the sheet, and the rest of "his" set gives good boss vibes... If used correctly, of course.

  19. #1439
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kamerad View Post


    -- that said, any comment on my Black Rider?
    He is a quite well done servant albeit at her skill description would be more examples do good to .

    Maria: quite well done servant Padoru i can understand her Motivation and it makes a definetely good base dor a singularity albeit i must admit if you apin it more around would that idea have the potencial to become a Lostbelt ? also i am curious what she thinks of my Zarathustra as he were some centuries ago the first (potencial) Savior ?

    and please tell me in which other class would you like to see my Zarathustra ?
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  20. #1440
    Trace: Overcringe King of Padoru's Avatar
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    Well, if we know something about Jesus Christ and his era in the Nasuverse is that he practically is confirmed to be the user of the First Magic and that the year 0 marked the beginning of the Age of Man. You could guess that altering this era would have catastrophic consequences for human history, so yeah, you could end up with a Lostbelt if nothing is done

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