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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #1561
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    "The Archangel of Water, Gabriel has answered your call Mage. Hmph, you look like a rather underwhelming man but I suppose you'll be able to make do. Now, get down on your knees and worship me. If you want the loyalty of one such as I, that level of supplication is the least you can do."

    Servant Lancer:

    Appearance:

    Source

    True Name: Gabriel

    Alignment: Lawful Good

    Alternate Classes: Archer, Caster, Ruler

    Strength- B
    Agility- A
    Endurance- B
    Mana- A+
    Luck- A+
    NP- A+

    Personality
    Arrogant and forthright. Amongst the Archangels, she's the worst when it comes to looking down on humans. Lancer openly refers to weak humans as "trash" and acts like they only exist to worship her. However, a very different side to her personality shows itself when it comes to strong men. As the Archangel who guides heroes, she exceedingly favors strong-willed and brave men. Around such heroic individuals her normally imperious demeanor evaporates to leave her acting more like a blushing, starstruck schoolgirl. She'll do her best to keep her cool, but can still be caught "fangirling" on other heroes who catch her eye (particularly those from Judeo-Christian myth) on occasion.

    Lancer has the trait that, even when she tries to say something nice about someone, it'll often come out as insults and putdowns. The truth is, that she actually really admires those who strive to give it their best even while weak, but whenever trying to give voice to those feelings she just ends up insulting them instead. She gives the impression of a sadist who looks down on human effort, but what Lancer truly hates isn't "the weakness of losing" but "the weakness of giving up".

    "That idiot... even having the favor of an Archangel he was terrified out of his mind, yet he never stopped fighting for his people and country until the very end. It may be contemptible and foolish, but I just can't bring myself to hate such a person."

    Gideon who faithfully stays by Lancer's side has the same personality he always did, even if he now takes the form of a small sheep. He's a laidback and snarky person who often teases Lancer when her arrogance gets out of line. Even though she bullies and insults him a lot, Lancer secretly cares deeply for Gideon. While she lent her favor to many heroes in life, Gideon was one of the few she appeared before multiple times and actively guided him to victory. Perhaps... her feelings for the unlikely hero, who cursed his weakness countless times yet never gave up, go beyond what would be expected of an Archangel, but Lancer herself would surely never admit that.

    Attitude to her Master
    For Lancer, a Master is no different than her manservant. She'll expect them to kowtow to her every whim and openly bully them for her own amusement. If her Master has potential to become a hero, Lancer will try to put them through a grueling training regimen to "bring out their full potential!". At least that's what she says, but really most of the time the "training regimen" is just an excuse for her to get her Master to do random chores for her, like carrying her around when she's tired and can't bother flying.

    That said, Lancer will come to be genuinely fond of her Master if they can endure her "training" without breaking and prove themselves a worthy hero in her eyes. She has the greatest compatibility with weak yet strong-willed people driven to protect those they care about. Conversely, Lancer wouldn't be able to stand as her Master a pompous fool obsessed with their lineage like many Magi, or a spineless coward who lashes out at others on the first sign of difficulty (a certain seaweed-haired boy comes to mind).

    Wish on the Holy Grail
    As an Archangel Lancer doesn't have any need for the Grail, as she's above such things and has no desire God wouldn't grant her anyways. While she might sometimes find herself idly fantasizing about a reverse harem-like situation where she can be doted by the strongest, most handsome legendary heroes from across history, that's ultimately more a fantasy than a true wish and even Lancer isn't so frivolous to waste a vessel of God on something so trivial.

    And yet... if, just if... she were to have a single wish springing from the depths of her heart, it'd surely be for a chance to confess her feelings to a certain person. Not as an Archangel and hero, but simply a woman and the man she admires. But... surely something like that would never be granted right?

    Relationships/Reactions:

    Hector: "That laidback yet dependable aura, the way you grumble and complain all the time yet keep fighting... you remind me way too much of a certain someone I can't stand. And what the hell are you doing with my spear? That's it, 50 bench-presses and maybe you'll learn a lesson about ripping off other people's weaponry! I don't care if you say 'you found it first', it's mine!"

    Charlemagne: "Good grief... even after giving you that sword you're still such a brat. Well, I don't exactly mind such people so I guess it's fine. Still, do you have to keep saying 'cool' all the time?"

    Karle De Grole: "...You're not my kind of man at all."

    Jinako Catagiri: "What's this, reverse-harem anime? You mean there's a genre where one girl gets doted on by lots of hot, super heroic guys? Wow! ...U-um, I mean, not that as an Archangel I really care about such things, just... a bit curious, that's all." *blushes* *inwardly* 'Now THIS is the right way to worship me! Maybe if you humans can churn out more offerings like this you won't be quite so worthless.'

    Arturia: "The king who received the holy sword Excalibur and, although burdened by a tragic fate, fought to carve the path to a brighter future for his people. I'd heard all about you but I never thought I'd actually get to meet you in person! ...Wait, you're a girl? Ugh, that spoils all my fun!"

    Heracles: "S-so muscular..." *faints drooling*

    Likes: bullying humans, heroes, reverse-harem anime, Gideon, being worshipped
    Dislikes: weak-willed people, being teased, lack of worship
    Talent: guiding heroes
    Natural Enemy: Gideon


    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance- A+
    Confers protection against magical effects. Spells A-rank and lower are nullified. The Servant is virtually untouchable to modern Magecraft, and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to dub them a 'Magus Killer'. As an Archangel, an emanation of Yahweh, Lancer's very existence rejects the occult on principle. However having to manifest under a human hero's Saint Graph has downgraded this Skill to A from its original EX-rank. From her patronage over water, a + modifier is applied to defending against Magecraft employing that element.

    "Wahahahaa! Seeing your feeble spells totally fail to harm me is positively hilarious! Now I can understand why demons love toying with you guys so much..."

    Independent Action- A
    The ability to sustain oneself in existence without a supply of magical energy from one's Master. At this rank, Lancer can linger in the World for a full week in the absence of an active contract. Typically a Skill exclusive to the Archer Class, Lancer obtains it on personal pride that "an Archangel never subordinates herself to humans!".


    Personal Skills:

    Archangel Advice- EX
    A Skill that denotes assistance from an Archangel, a Divine Spirit in Judeo-Christian lore. For Lancer whose most famous under her role as "one who guides heroes" she can bestow great blessings to those under her care. Under exceedingly rare conditions Lancer, despite being a Divine rather than Heroic Spirit, can be summoned as a Servant by "hijacking" the legend (Saint Graph) of one of the heroes she lead to glory.

    In this summoning, she latches on to Gideon due to him having the most laidback personality that's easily dominated by her most of the time. Lancer herself manifests as the primary Servant, while Gideon just takes the form of a small chibi-looking sheep accompanying her (this references the legend where Gideon agreed to believe Gabriel's prophecies after the omen of a sheepskin soaked in dew while the rest of the ground was totally dry).

    However, because of her arrogant and lazy personality it'd be the rarest circumstances where Lancer actually accepts to be summoned. Only if specifically ordered by God or all of humanity is in peril will Lancer reluctantly come forth and offer her full strength instead of just letting her heroes fight for her.

    "I may not have the Divinity Skill right now, but I'm still an Archangel! So feel free to worship me to your heart's content, mortals!"

    Mana Burst (Water)- B+
    The Archangel presiding over water, Lancer can freely wield her chosen element. She favors expelling spiraling blasts of water from her spear, but can also apply it for defense and movement-boosting via propelling herself with controlled jets. Since Lancer is an Archangel (even if she doesn't always act like one) any water produced by this Skill has the attribute of "Holy Water", burning and dealing additional damage against evil and demonic existences.

    "Flowing wherever it pleases, refreshing and beautiful as a clear mountain stream, truly that is the element most fitting for one such as I! ...W-what do you mean 'I'm just as temperamental as an ocean too'? Grr... you'll pay for insulting an Archangel like that! Take this, Water Sparkle Punishment Attack!"

    Hero Creation- A+
    In legend, Lancer is one who chooses heroes. Samson, Gideon and Charlemagne are all examples of heroes selected by her hand, who went on to obtain peerless glory and renown. As such, Lancer can "mark" those she favors as "heroes", giving them a great blessing from the World. Those affected receive stats on par with a low-tier Servant and any unique talents/abilities they had in life are elevated to the level of Personal Skills. Given training, it's possible the target can further raise their stats and develop new abilities as they come into their own as a hero. While theoretically a valuable Skill, given Lancer's merciless personality there's few who'd agree to her training regimens.

    "Come on, carrying me to the market on your shoulders is part of your heroic training. No, it's not just because I'm lazy and want to be spoiled! Just saying that is going to make me add 50 more squats to your exercises when we get home!"


    Noble Phantasms
    Durandal Aqua
    Precursor Unbroken Spear


    Rank: B

    Type: Anti-Unit

    The unbreakable holy sword wielded by the paladin Roland in the epic poem Matter Of France. While having no anecdotes of actually using it in her legend, the sword was gifted to Roland by an angel often identified with Lancer herself. Thus she obtains it as a Noble Phantasm.

    Since Gabriel is more commonly illustrated holding a staff or spear rather than a sword, unlike her fellow Archangel Michael, she's remodeled Durandal into a spear for her own convenience. The fact that this lines up with the original form of the sword in some other legends is only a coincidence, or at least that's what Lancer herself insists. "Honestly, as if I'd have anything to do with that scruffy Pagan!"

    Lancer's version of Durandal takes the form of a long golden spear with wave patterns spiraling all along the shaft, a cruciform guard and shimmering pale blue blade. As Lancer's Noble Phantasm, it's synchronized with her element of "Water" and become exceptionally compatible with her Mana Burst Skill. It retains the aspect of the "unbroken sword" exalted in Durandal's legend, but said aspect takes form in a different way than usual.

    Namely, instead of a blade that's unbreakable through sheer brute strength, it embodies the concept of being unbreakable and constantly flowing like water. Attacks intended to destroy the spear will merely slide off it like water, and that includes tarnishing influences like rust. By invoking it, Lancer can take this attribute even further, making the blade truly amorphous like water. Following the true name release the spear's blade becomes essentially a whip made of water Lancer can control, ideal for striking from unexpected angles or flowing past the enemy's own weapon to thwart a parry.

    However the weakness of this ability is that Lancer herself can't guard while using a partially intangible spear, forcing her to put everything into offense.


    Bucina Iudicii
    Ultimate Judgment Of Souls


    Rank: A+

    Type: Anti-Unit

    The horn Lancer carries that she'll one day blow on to announce the Last Judgment, when the virtuous are rewarded and sinners finally cast down into the lake of fire. As a Noble Phantasm it takes the form of a large, ornate gold and white horn carved with imagery that depicts the victory of God's forces over demonkind in the End of Days. By bringing the horn to her lips and blowing into it, Lancer unleashes a thunderous blast of sound that enforces a concept based on the target's virtue (Alignment); either Resurrection or Damnation.

    For Good-Aligned targets the sound-waves will stimulate cell-regeneration at incredible levels, allowing them to regrow severed limbs in moments and lifting negative statuses like poisons and illness. Living humans will also gain an increase in lifespan by up to ten or twenty years from having their cells reinvigorated with life. (This is non-applicable on Heroic Spirits since they lack a fixed lifespan to begin with). Originally the horn would also be able to revive the dead, but that function has been sealed as a Noble Phantasm due to true resurrection being a miracle that transgresses on the First Magic.

    If the target's Alignment is Evil however, every cell in their body will be vibrated apart by the unrelenting bombardment of sound. The unlucky victim literally sets ablaze from friction, before being completely torn apart at a cellular level, leaving not even ashes remaining. While unfolding in seconds from an outside view, this process is excruciatingly painful for the enemy as they literally face being stripped down to the last cell while also on fire. Truly a hellish fate worthy of the punishment of sinners in Christian mythology.

    The offensive function of this Noble Phantasm can be resisted by high levels of Luck and Magic Resistance, which allows the target to push back and defy the fate of damnation being foisted upon them. In that case they may only come away with severe friction burns to the part of their body directly exposed to the blast rather than completely torn apart. Because of Lancer's morals she only uses this ability on truly evil souls who lack the possibility of redemption. For lesser sinners, she'll just bop them over the head with it.

    For inanimate targets that the concept of good or evil doesn't apply to, this Noble Phantasm is merely an intense blast of sound that lacks any special effects.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So here's a Gabriel sheet to go along with the other Archangel ones I wrote up a while back. I had some trouble coming up with NPs for her, and I'm aware the Durandal one is a bit of a stretch, but I think it works. As usual feel free to drop by with comments and criticisms. Thanks for reading y'all!

  2. #1562
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Archangel Gabriel: A nice sheet, solid and despite what you say about the stretch with Durandal, it's not outside the conceivable in reality, or in fate, what with how much some things are stretched in the franchise.

    Nothing is a greater stretch than the Gate.

    On the subject of Durandal, I like how you differentiated it from other renditions of the weapon. Infusing it with the concept of water and re-working it's aspects to fit definitely help make it unique, and the water whip form kinda keeps the idea of Durandal/Durandina being able to pierce any defence, although more in the idea of it pierces a defence by flowing around it than pierces a defence by thrusting through it.

    The balance you gave the horn of being resistible but not completely negotiable is a good call, considering how powerful items from God have been so far in fate(Arc killing Heracles, despite Godhand for example, or the 10 rings)

    Two questions I do have about the sheet is the lack of something like the Revelation skill. Gabriel is probably the most used angel for bringing prophets from various religions the words of god.

    Also, as we know that a prototype of Durandal exists in the Gate, what would her reaction be Gilgamesh calling hers a knock-off or some other Gilgamesh insult.

    Overall a solid sheet, nicely done and a nice addition to the Angel sheets we have.

  3. #1563
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legendary Hero of the Chain View Post
    Archangel Gabriel: A nice sheet, solid and despite what you say about the stretch with Durandal, it's not outside the conceivable in reality, or in fate, what with how much some things are stretched in the franchise.

    Nothing is a greater stretch than the Gate.

    On the subject of Durandal, I like how you differentiated it from other renditions of the weapon. Infusing it with the concept of water and re-working it's aspects to fit definitely help make it unique, and the water whip form kinda keeps the idea of Durandal/Durandina being able to pierce any defence, although more in the idea of it pierces a defence by flowing around it than pierces a defence by thrusting through it.

    The balance you gave the horn of being resistible but not completely negotiable is a good call, considering how powerful items from God have been so far in fate(Arc killing Heracles, despite Godhand for example, or the 10 rings)

    Two questions I do have about the sheet is the lack of something like the Revelation skill. Gabriel is probably the most used angel for bringing prophets from various religions the words of god.

    Also, as we know that a prototype of Durandal exists in the Gate, what would her reaction be Gilgamesh calling hers a knock-off or some other Gilgamesh insult.

    Overall a solid sheet, nicely done and a nice addition to the Angel sheets we have.
    Thanks for your commentary Chain. I did consider giving her a Revelation-like Skill, but thought that might run too similar to the Intercessor Of The Divine I used for Metatron, so I emphasized Gabriel's aspect as the "muse of heroes" over a messenger more generally. Maybe more of that would be emphasized as Caster or Ruler. And yeah, I do imagine her and Gil having an ego face-off, over the sword or otherwise.

  4. #1564
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    "Rejoice, Master. The strongest champion of the Israelites, Samson, has answered your call! Now, show me some good booze or strong opponents already!"

    Servant Berserker:

    Appearance:

    Source

    True Name: Samson

    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

    Armament: A donkey's jawbone carved into a war-axe. But Berserker rarely actually uses it in battle, instead relying on her hair and bare fists to crush her foes.

    Strength- A+
    Agility- A
    Endurance- A
    Mana- C
    Luck- C
    NP- EX

    Personality
    Berserker's demeanor is far from the image of a humble follower of God. She's openly brash, crude and lustful, drinking in excess and flirting with any pretty girl who catches her eye. In Berserker's own words she favors the simpler pleasures in life. Good wine, good food, good fights and good women. As long as she can have those things, Berserker is satisfied. She's supremely confident in her own strength and skills, proudly boasting of her title as "Israel's Strongest" as a challenge to her opponents.

    On the battlefield Berserker smiles and laughs with glee both as she slaughters her opponents and takes damage herself. She's excited by the idea of an opponent who can actually injure her, as being Israel's greatest warrior meant she rarely faced battles that brought her a genuine challenge. Her confidence extends to wearing no armor in the middle of battle, showing off her "invincible body" to her opponents in an almost exhibitionist way.

    Berserker does have her soft spots however. She's weak to other women (especially good-looking ones) and usually goes out of her way not to hurt them in her rampages. That's not to say she won't hurt a woman, merely that Berserker needs a good reason to do so and will probably regret it afterwards. This can be a vulnerability for Berserker, as she won't expect attacks from a woman she trusts. Berserker is also very sensitive around her long hair and will get enraged if it's damaged or destroyed in any way. In her free time when not fighting or indulging herself she tends to brush and braid her hair, which she finds incredibly relaxing. After her past experience, only if she really trusts someone will Berserker let them touch her hair.

    Regardless of her... eccentricities Berserker is a pious woman, in her own way. She does care for her fellow Israelites and despite her arrogance, is actually humble since she freely admits all her powers come from God rather than her own talent. Berserker thanks God for giving her the power she needed to fight strong opponents to her heart's content. If she met other great Judaic heroes like David and Solomon she'd act surprisingly humble around them, as Berserker admires them for having created great civilizations that lasted after their own deaths, while in her words her own legacy was only all the men she killed.

    She also has a notably strong dislike for Pagans of any sort, saying they "piss her off". This doesn't stop her from respecting strong enough Pagans as worthy opponents though. Even if she did become friends with a Pagan Berserker would be stupidly competitive with them, often insisting on sparring-matches and drinking contests to "prove my god is stronger!".

    Contrary to appearances, Berserker isn't actually a dumb person. She's not incapable of thinking things through or fighting tactically, she just finds it more fun to charge headlong into battle. Berserker has a sharp wit, being skilled at devising riddles. She'll often taunt her opponents by composing a mocking riddle about them before or after defeating them.

    As for her femininity, Berserker simply doesn't care for such things. She got called the "World's Strongest Man" by people who couldn't accept the idea of a woman being the strongest, a title which she jokingly embraced. The fact that went as far as her being recorded in history as an actual man is something that surprises Berserker, but she doesn't dislike it. Though still considering herself a woman, Berserker has no problem with being seen or treated as a man. She freely admits most of her personality and demeanor are more expected of one anyways. "On the other hand, caring for your hair a lot is a pretty girly trait I guess..." she muses to herself.

    Although Delilah was responsible for her death, Berserker carries no hatred towards her. She recognizes the other girl was twisted by her tragic upbringing amongst the priests of Dagon and doesn't blame Delilah for what happened. Her only wish is that she could see Delilah's smile one last time, in a world where they're not on opposite sides of the battlefield.

    Attitude to her Master
    Berserker considers her Master to be her "general". As she doesn't care about strategy and the more intellectual side of the Grail War Berserker has no problem leaving all that to her Master. As long as she can have fun and fight strong opponents, Berserker will gladly follow her Master's orders to the letter.

    Conversely she can't stand a Master who'd ruin her "fun", like by relying on deceptive or underhanded strategies to win the War rather than facing enemy Servants directly. In that case she'd openly blow off their orders and go off to fight enemy Servants on her own, needing a Command Seal to keep her in line.

    Likes: wine, women, fighting strong foes, God
    Dislikes: betrayal, her hair getting damaged or dirty, having to break her oaths, being bored
    Talents: brushing her hair (what, you think it takes care of itself?), devising riddles, battle
    Natural Enemy: Delilah


    Class Skills:

    Mad Enhancement- C
    A Skill that characterizes the Berserker Class. Raises parameters in return for a loss of sanity and/or hindering mental capabilities. At this rank, all parameters save Luck and Mana are ranked-up. Berserker isn't truly "mad" but she is wild, tending to act impulsively on her own desires without thought for the consequences.

    When slighted there's a significant chance she'll enter a destructive rage, attacking every enemy in sight without regard for strategy. There's not much her Master can do when she's like this (save wasting a Command Seal) so their best bet is to stay out of her way until the object of her ire is destroyed or she (eventually) calms down on her own. Otherwise, showing her a pretty woman is a good way to snap her back to her senses.


    Personal Skills:

    Heralded Birth- B
    A Skill crystallizing the legend where Archangel Gabriel appeared before Berserker at her birth to announce that she would one day become a great hero who'd liberate Israel. As one decreed from her very birth to be the "world's strongest (wo)man", Berserker gains a bonus to all Strength and Luck-related checks.

    Battle Continuation- A
    The ability to continue combat after receiving fatal wounds. At this rank, Berserker can keep fighting even in the face of debilitating injuries, only falling once she burns out all her life's energy or a decisive killing blow is struck. In legend even while blinded, shackled and deprived of her God-given power, Berserker still mustered one last burst of strength to bring the Temple of Dagon down upon her oppressors.

    Riddle Master- B
    A talent to spin up riddles and word-games. Berserker, while seemingly just a battle-crazed meathead at first glance, is surprisingly eloquent when it comes to devising riddles. According to a famous legend she humiliated the other groomsmen at her wedding by presenting a riddle they couldn't solve, which was an allusion to her own slaying of a lion earlier. She's especially adept at coming up with riddles to taunt those she's annoyed with. However this Skill is pretty much useless in combat, unless Berserker can enrage the opponent and provoke them into making a mistake with a taunting riddle.

    Instinct- A-
    The ability to instantly identify "the best personal course of action" during combat. Because this Skill allows for the prediction of trajectory, it is possible to avoid attacks from firearms. At rank A, it is essentially in the realm of predicting the future. Through this ability, it is possible to halve the penalties inflicted by visual and auditory interference. Even while blinded Berserker can still fight effectively, just by relying on her instincts.

    Having participated in many fierce battles over the 20 years she "judged" Israel, Berserker naturally acquired a keen sixth sense for combat. This was heightened by her receiving guidance from God, essentially perceiving the world through His eyes rather than her own. However, Berserker was known as someone who often followed her eyes rather than her spiritual senses. As such she may neglect the advice of her own instincts on occasion, either by being too caught up in the thrill of battle or an attack coming from her "blind-spot" like by someone she'd trusted previously. As such, a - modifier has been attached to this Skill.


    Noble Phantasms
    Semes Diadema
    Hair That Alights As The Sun's Rays


    Rank: B

    Type: Anti-Unit~Team

    A Noble Phantasm that is simply Berserker's legendarily long mane of hair, a symbol of her vows to God and the incredible strength she obtained as a result of such vows. A voluminous mane of crimson locks, Berserker's very hair is her Noble Phantasm, allowing her to freely manipulate it at will. She can make each strand as strong as swords or flowing like water, able to intercept attacks and lash it about like a steel whip.

    However, it's Berserker's identification as a solar hero that lends the true power of this Noble Phantasm. She can imbue the sun's heat into her hair, making the ends glow with burning light. Berserker is then able to release that light in an explosion akin to the Mana Burst Skill (in which case her favored technique would be grappling the enemy with her hair and then exploding them), or storing it to render her hair into white-hot blades that can sear through most armors and defenses like a heated knife through butter.

    No matter how she uses it, this is an exceedingly strong and versatile Noble Phantasm that more than lives up to Berserker's title as "Israel's strongest warrior". If her hair is severed (as long as it's not entirely gone), Berserker can slowly regenerate the remaining portions by exposing them to the sun's rays.


    Yeqedah Yageb
    Scourging The Fields, Three Hundred Blazing Foxes


    Rank: A+

    Type: Anti-Army

    A sublimation of the anecdote where Berserker tied lit torches to the tails of 300 foxes and set them loose to torch the fields of her hated rivals the Philistines. As a Noble Phantasm it takes the form of a "special technique" utilizing her hair, the symbol of Berserker's legend. By invoking its true name Berserker's hair expands greatly and weaves into the form of 300 foxes that surround the enemy from all sides. She then imbues sunfire into the foxes, having them converge on the enemy and explode in a massive burst of heat, light and Mana akin to a supernova.

    The full power of this technique is able to reduce an entire battlefield to cinders. However, this Noble Phantasm carries a weakness that as Berserker puts all her hair into offense to use it, she can't guard against any attacks during the activation period. Though this isn't usually an issue since it's unlikely the enemy would be able to counter-attack while being assailed from all directions.


    Acharith Ishsheh
    Lord, I Offer This Body To Thee One Last Time


    Rank: EX

    Type: Support

    At the end of her life shackled, stripped of her strength and humiliated, Berserker uttered one last prayer to God before toppling the unholy temple of her Philistine enemies. The final miracle where she slew far more enemies in death than she ever could in life, it could be called the moment where Berserker's existence blazed most splendidly.

    Brought forth as a Noble Phantasm, this is a "last-resort trump card" that forfeits Berserker's own life upon activation. Before she can use it, Berserker's first Noble Phantasm- in other words, her hair- has to be totally severed and rendered unusable. In that case, all of Berserker's parameters will be reduced to E-rank, rendering her almost powerless. However, by reciting this Noble Phantasm's true name, Berserker can regain for one last time her God-given strength, to take her enemies down with her in a final blaze of glory.

    Upon invocation Berserker's hair grows back, only it's now no longer "hair" but a curtain of roiling golden flames cascading down her head. This transformation lasts for three minutes, each representing one thousand of the Philistines she slew in her final act, and for each minute that passes Berserker's parameters increase. In the first minute her stats go from E to C-rank. In the second minute they go from C to A-rank. For the third minute all of Berserker's stats reach EX-rank, rendering her less a Servant than a personification of pure unbridled power. Even creating huge earthquakes just by punching the ground or demolishing an entire mountain wouldn't be beyond Berserker's capabilities in this state.

    The extent of this transformation is displayed visually by a corona-like aura of sunlight that emanates from and enshrouds Berserker. During the first minute it's only a faint and barely perceivable glow. In the second minute it's bright enough to be uncomfortable looking directly at her. At the third minute, the pinnacle of her power, Berserker's presence is like the sun itself. A truly dazzling aura that can scorch flesh at close range and momentarily blind those who stare at Berserker unprotected.

    However, just like in her legend using this Noble Phantasm burns out Berserker's own life. Her Saint Graph naturally can't withstand the sheer quantity of power coursing through her so once the last minute draws to a close Berserker's body will be entirely consumed by her aura, dissolving into magical energy and returning peacefully to the Throne with no regrets in her heart. Ironically for such an overwhelming technique, Berserker's last moments after using this Noble Phantasm are oddly peaceful. Having gone as far as she could with the strength given to her, Berserker is content to fade away and leave what's left to those still alive.

    Once she releases this ultimate prayer Berserker's own death is guaranteed, and not even a Command Seal can budge that fate. Just like a candle that burns brightest before finally flickering out, just like a star that goes supernova after billions of years of life, Berserker's God-given strength reaches its apex at the very moment of her mortality. Combined with how she has to be at her weakest before using it, this is a Noble Phantasm that Berserker only resorts to when pushed to her absolute limits.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So along with Gabriel this is the second sheet I'd been saving up just in case it fit the contest theme. This is a remake of my old Samson sheet, since there were a bunch of things I wanted to do differently to bring her up to my present standards. I decided to emphasize the "solar hero" aspect in her NPs, since that's not something I've seen used in any other Samson sheet and helps set her apart.

    As usual, comments and critiques would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

  5. #1565
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Samson: You know a sheet is pretty damn high quality when one of your only gripes is the FC, damn.

    You're right when you say you did something different with the sheet, my lord I think this sheet probably emphasis the hair more than the god damn source material!

    Honestly, while I would question the rank of her second and first NP's, biblical heroes have been broken so far as I said with gabriel, so it's not out of line, and the second NP has a fair balancer with the not able to defend herself thing.

    While I would say it's a missed opportunity to use Yang(RWBY) as the FC, the personalities match so damn well, it's swept away by just imagining her having an Escanor style last stand and fading away next to her master. Well done.

    Side note, is it known if Giants are considered an Elemental or Phantasmal in fate? My new sheet is kinda hitting a snag with that question.

  6. #1566
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legendary Hero of the Chain View Post
    Samson: You know a sheet is pretty damn high quality when one of your only gripes is the FC, damn.

    You're right when you say you did something different with the sheet, my lord I think this sheet probably emphasis the hair more than the god damn source material!

    Honestly, while I would question the rank of her second and first NP's, biblical heroes have been broken so far as I said with gabriel, so it's not out of line, and the second NP has a fair balancer with the not able to defend herself thing.

    While I would say it's a missed opportunity to use Yang(RWBY) as the FC, the personalities match so damn well, it's swept away by just imagining her having an Escanor style last stand and fading away next to her master. Well done.

    Side note, is it known if Giants are considered an Elemental or Phantasmal in fate? My new sheet is kinda hitting a snag with that question.
    You're right a Yang FC would've actually been fitting, but I just imagine Samson as red-haired for some reason. For your question, the wiki at least says Giants are a Phantasmal Species so I'd go with that.

  7. #1567
    Trapped in an eternal 2020 WhiteFrenzy's Avatar
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    Whoa Royd, are you okay? Did you snapped? Did you just woke up today and felt like OBLITERATING US ALL with so much contained awesomeness? I dunno, we can talk about that...
    But anyway, jokes aside I hope you know you did great. Two amazing sheets, back to back? That's something else.


    I love Gabriel, the angel. I think it's one of my favorite Christian figures actually, so I love when fiction does something good by this figure. And you not only did good, but went above and beyond too! Loved that "guide of heroes" role you gave, which is something very fitting. (And yes, good to know that great minds think alike, because I always believed that, as a servant, she'd most definitely have the Hero Creation skill.) AND THOSE NOBLE PHANTASMS??? WHOA. Also, at last, I love how she's such an arrogant figure - it's my favorite interpretation of this angel thank you I owe you my life.

    And yes, also, Samsom. NOW THIS IS A GENDERBENT I CAN GET BEHIND. (And I liked the reasoning, "of course such a strong individual would be a man!" it's always simple but effective.) There's a lot of power in this sheet, in the sense that even as I was reading I could feel her vibrant personality - and I don't know HOW you consistently manages to translate so much of your characters in the reading in such a seamless way. I want what you have hahah. (I wish I could say that I loved everything about her abilities and her powers too, but it kinda became me gushing over your writing abilities... I'M SORRY.)

    © Aethersen

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  8. #1568
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Howaito please can you look at my last servant Girl when you are real back as i am curious to hear your oppinion !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  9. #1569
    Trapped in an eternal 2020 WhiteFrenzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Howaito please can you look at my last servant Girl when you are real back as i am curious to hear your oppinion !
    She's very cute, Koga. Good work on that sheet. I liked how you expanded the Tree of Ténéré's lore - that in itself would be quite boring - with faerie references and made something unique out of that. In this regard, you've come a long way! Her abilities are what you'd expect from a plant that gained a moving body, but the way you described them was good and it gave us a clear idea of her range and capacities. And did I mentioned that she's cute? THE SWEETEST. All in all, you did great there!

    © Aethersen

    .check out my Servant sheets if you are interested.

  10. #1570
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Assassin of the Sahara

    "I am Assassin. Lowly human, I'd kill you right now. However, I have a wish for the grail, and a Master is required to obtain the relic"


    Class: Assassin
    Alignment: True/Neutral
    Region: Middle East
    Height: 157cm
    Weight: 40kg
    Likes: Traveling, freedom, deserts
    Dislikes: Imprisonment, cities, closed spaces
    Talent: Rushing
    Armaments: Wind
    Natural Enemy: Cursed Arm Hassan

    stats

    Str: E
    End: E
    Agi: A
    Mna: A
    Lck: D
    NP: B

    Skills


    class skills

    Presence Concealment(A+): Hides one's presence as a Servant. Suitable for spying. It is possible to disappear completely and become almost impossible to be detected, even against a Servant's perception. However, efficiency will decrease once preparations to attack are taken.

    personal skills

    Sirroco(A): Named after the Mediterranean wind that comes from the Sahara, this skill allows Assassin to summon gusts of hot and sharp wind to attack his enemies. He can also use these winds to propel himself through the air, raising his speed and mobility, although that can be quite Mana intensive.

    Child of Nature(D): A Skill representing Assassin as a Nature Spirit who should, by right, gain great blessings from the world. However, because he was conflated with a demon, this Skill was degraded drastically, and his blessings were severely reduced.

    Familiar(Al-Hinn)(B): A Skill that allows Assassin to produce and command Djinn as his familiars. Specifically, these are called Hinn and are Spirits made from flame and wind who are mostly incorporeal but can manifest as balls of fire when needed. These spirits are used for spying and for battle, where they can launch themselves into the enemy in a sacrificial attack to cause damage.



    Noble phantasm


    Fire of the Poisonous Wind
    Nar as-samum


    Rank: Anti-group, B

    A trump card type Noble Phantasm who takes the form of a demonic sandstorm. It is a permanently active Noble Phantasm who remains contained inside Assassin's cloak most of the time, but can be released into the field to cover it completely once the decisive time comes.

    The winds inside the storm are not only insanely fast, but also very sharp and constantly damage those hit by it. Also, the thick cloud of sand severely limits the field of vision of Servants without specialized skills like "Eye of the Mind" or "Clairvoyance", making Assassin's surprise attacks that much more effective. Still, a favorable field is far from this Noble Phantasms only effect.

    This Noble Phantasm's true nature is that of something that corrodes the target's soul. With every bit of damage that the enemy takes, more and more of their origin is eaten away, like sand entering an open wound. Even if they manage to escape the sandstorm, they are now permanently infected by the sand, allowing Assassin to track them anywhere they go. Furthermore, if a soul perishes inside the Noble Phantasm, their soul is completely devoured by the sandstorm and they become part of it, transforming into a
    Sand Demon
    Ghaddar
    , a spirit made out of sand who will attack others caught into the storm.


    Background


    Assassin's true name is Simoon, The Poison Wind. In Arabic, his name refers to a strong, dry, dust-laden wind, and is generally used to describe a local wind that blows in the Sahara, Israel, Palestine, Jordan, Syria, and the deserts of the Arabian Peninsula.

    This Servant was originally a Nature Spirit who embodied these winds. However, he was slowly syncretized with the Demon Samum of Arabic lore, who was said to be the fire of hell from which demons would spawn. Because of this syncretization, his status as a Nature spirit slowly degraded until he was only a lower Phantasmal.



    Personality


    As a being of inhuman nature, Assassin is incompatible with the modern world. In fact, he absolutely hates the big cities and populated areas, only resigning himself to enter those to fulfill his duties in the War. He also holds a strong grudge against humans, as against blames them for having lost his status as a Nature Spirit.

    Because of that, combined with his violent nature, it can be extremely dangerous for a Master to contracts with him. Thankfully, Assassin's desire to regain his original nature will prevent him from outright killing his Master. However, he is a proud one, and injuring his pride will undoubtedly get you killed without mercy.

    Last edited by the god of world-0; October 19th, 2020 at 08:14 PM.


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  11. #1571
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Simoon: A nice sheet Zero, and overall quite impressive. While there are a few things I question with the sheet, there are some good points I'd like to touch on first.

    Familiar and child of nature are two skills that I feel are well chosen and reasoned, with your use of familiar being nicely different from the other examples of it. Only thing I could say is a little more detail on the child of nature, like exactly what the blessings entail, would be nice. Although, I am a hypocrite to call another person vague. *Looks at Colt sheet*

    The noble phantasm I have no problems with. Actually, I really must complement you with the idea you went for. The closest I've seen before with the erasure of self concept was Nameless Forest from Extra, and that never really showed up again for ages, so it's nice to see someone using the concept again over another Insta-kill NP, or such.

    I am guilty of this

    The only things I have to question would be why Sirroco is given a unique name when the effects are identical to how many have used a theoretical Mana Burst(Wind)/Mana Burst(Air)? Also, may I ask why his natural enemy would be cursed arm?

  12. #1572
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Simoon: Hm a interesting srevant where have you got the idea for him Zero ? I have two Questions first have you seen my Dessert fairy if so please tell me your oppinion ? ans second as she is also a Spirit of the Desserts how is he finding her as fellow Nature Spirit ?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Legendary Hero of the Chain View Post
    Simoon: A nice sheet Zero, and overall quite impressive. While there are a few things I question with the sheet, there are some good points I'd like to touch on first.

    Familiar and child of nature are two skills that I feel are well chosen and reasoned, with your use of familiar being nicely different from the other examples of it. Only thing I could say is a little more detail on the child of nature, like exactly what the blessings entail, would be nice. Although, I am a hypocrite to call another person vague. *Looks at Colt sheet*

    The noble phantasm I have no problems with. Actually, I really must complement you with the idea you went for. The closest I've seen before with the erasure of self concept was Nameless Forest from Extra, and that never really showed up again for ages, so it's nice to see someone using the concept again over another Insta-kill NP, or such.

    I am guilty of this

    The only things I have to question would be why Sirroco is given a unique name when the effects are identical to how many have used a theoretical Mana Burst(Wind)/Mana Burst(Air)? Also, may I ask why his natural enemy would be cursed arm?
    I think because Hassan has protection of the Wind which gives him also protection from Djinn like beings so are his attacks basically useless would i say . and hae you seen my Arbre du Tenere profile if yes i would be curious to hear your oppinion .
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  13. #1573
    love warrior <3 world-0 the god of world-0's Avatar
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    Thank you for your feedback, I'll try and answer your questions the best I can.

    First, Child of Nature, This is a Canon skill, and the description I used was a slightly modified version of the canon one, so I am sorry if it's a bit too vague, but that is because the original is actually that vague too. From what I understood, I guess it's the world helping him with Mana gain? But there is no way of knowing for sure...

    With Sirroco, I wanted to give his abilities a bit of personal identity. While it may look like the same as Mana Burst, it is actually a limited release of his Noble Phantasm (who is always active under his mantle). He also cannot infuse it into objects like Mana Burst usually allows for.

    Finally, Cursed Arm is a bit of a small jokey mention. To understand, just look at one of Cursed arm's Skill: Protection from Wind is a chant that offers prayers to God, that oneself might receive a charm (spell) of protection against sandstorms and evil spirits such as Jinns. Originates from the Middle East. To call it a "charm" smacks of superstition, but the strength of its warding is tremendous.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Dessert Fairy: it is an interesting concept, and you did it very well. The only thing is, and honestly it's a token criticism, the grammar mistakes made it quite hard to understand everything in the first reading.


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  14. #1574
    屍食鬼 Ghoul Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Thanks for clarifying Zero, and it's nice to see a bit more of your reasoning. Honestly a great sheet, and the extra just makes it better. Now...

    Abre du Tenere: Haven't seen many gatekeeper class servants, so it's always nice to see a less utilised class make an appearance. And it definitely fits. Her build seems to almost always geared to be the impassable guardian who stands in the way and demoralises her foes, much like a gate.

    Her personality is interesting, and someone I'd be very interested to see interact with some of my planed sheets. The personal skills are quite a breath of fresh air when it comes to the unique ones, as a few sheets I've been looking back through took uniques skills as fair ground to just break things.

    Her NP's are interesting, although I like the first more than the second. The second isn't without it's justifications, but it just feels a little forced to put such an offensive sounding NP on a largely defensive servant from the rest of the sheet. Although, I will say that I do like what you did with how things function and the time restraints making it more fair.

    However, her first is definitely the best bit. Turning the legend of a tree whose shade saved it from being ripped down into an area that is so peaceful even the mad return to sanity in it's presence is an amazing transformation, and one of the best way's I think you could have used it. Overall, nicely done. A long way better than Avenger Goliath.

  15. #1575
    カラス Kamerad's Avatar
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    Our Faith is Yet Fickle. Our Sin is Still Plenty.
    Let us Hollow Our Soul, Let Us Mortify Our Flesh.
    Let Us Journey to the Kiln of Sacrifice.
    To Accept the Fire. To Kindle the Flame.
    Our Souls as Fuel, Our Flesh as Clay.
    The Flame Shall Scorch Our Flesh to Ashes,
    The Flame Shall Burn Our Sins and Purify Our Souls.


    Our Devotion Shall One Day Outshine the Sun




    King Louis IX has fulfilled everything he had to do as a King.

    His kingdom at its highest glory, his people prospered. There was none in Europe and elsewhere that could possibly match the radiance of his kingdom. His people saw him as the second coming of the great king that once unified Europe.

    Saint Louis had done everything he could as a Saint.

    He took care of the poor, he purified himself of sin and impurity, and he tolerated no sin and heresy on the land. He took penance, he mortified his flesh, he sublimed his soul. He gathered from all the lands every single relic from the Passion of the Messiah, contained in a holy reliquary on his palace; he obtained proof that his reign has been consecrated by God.



    King Louis IX, the Saint was everything his people could hope for. The perfect Saint King, Rex Christianissimus.

    Although the King was perfect, he saw that the land he ruled was prone to corruption, inherent with flaw. No matter how many holy buildings erected on this land, it will never reach perfect holiness. In order to bring salvation to the land, the perfect saint king insists he must also rule from the perfect land.

    Thus, the Shepherd set his eyes on the holier pasture, the holiest of all lands, and led his army on the Crusade, to fulfill his final duty as a God’s Lieutenant.



    The lambs trusted that the Saint King’s preparation was as complete as it could be, and that his strategy was carefully planned based on the experience of the previous crusaders. They were finest and holiest of men, and the Saint King brought the Relics of Christ which greatly boosted their morale. The enemy camp, they thought, were at their most vulnerable state, in a midst of inter-fighting and crisis. They thought it would be easy to wrest control of the enemy’s stronghold, Egypt, as a base for their march towards the Holy Land.

    Surely God was with them. Surely they should have been invincible. Surely this perfect saint king, as never seen during previous crusades, would finally lead them to achieve the hundred year dream of the Crusade -- such was the hope of the king’s people.

    Under the guidance of the good shepherd, the flock of holy men marched, expecting holier pasture -- but was instead brought to the field of slaughter.



    The Seventh and Eight Crusades, as well as the hysterical movement in between, was, in short, a total disaster.

    In the Seventh Crusade the Saint King’s army never reached Cairo and was utterly annihilated. The people of France, expecting to hear the good news of the saint king’s conquest, instead faced a nightmare. The shock of hearing his defeat was such that peasants and pious men of the country rallied to form a “Shepherd’s Crusade” in attempt to rescue the king.

    Unfazed by his defeat and humiliation, the Saint King saw the pain and suffering he and his men went through not as cruel punishment of fate, but as a graceful penance from God. He considers the blood of martyrs that spilled upon the fiery sands of Egypt was a necessary sacrifice to absolve their and the kingdom’s sins. This was their salvation.

    In a few years after this defeat, he once again took the cross and put on the Crown of Thorns for the Eight Crusade. This time, without even facing any enemy army, God sent forth pestilence upon the Saint King’s newly built camp, upon the shore of Tunis, and claimed the lives of fresh sacrificial lambs, including the king himself.

    On a bed of ash, donning his peninent robe and wearing the Crown of Thorns, the Shepherd witnessed his own salvation.



    Class: Ruler/Avenger
    True Name: Louis IX
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Lawful Good (Chaotic Evil)
    Origin: Historical Facts and Rumors
    Attribute: Man

    The only King of France that has been officially canonized by the Catholic Church, Saint Louis was an exemplary model of a Christian Monarch. During his reign the Kingdom of France became the most powerful state in the continent. Commanding the largest army and ruling the wealthiest kingdom, he was the primus inter pares among all European kings.

    He led Seventh and Eight Crusades, of which both ended tragically, the latter resulting in his death. It is said that the news of his defeat was such a shock among his people that the Shepherd’s Crusade was called to rescue him.

    Parameters:
    STR: C
    END: A
    AGI: B
    MGI: B
    LCK: E
    NP: A

    Class Skills:
    Command of the Shepherd: A
    A version of God's Resolution unique to Ruler, a Saint King who led two and a half crusades. It is a Command Spell downgraded in quality but upscaled in quantity, so rather than a Command Spell to give order to a single individual, this one is used to give forceful order to a whole army or nation.

    Vengeful Penance: B
    A distorted Class skill born from vengeful feelings of which the vengeful action is inflicted towards one’s own self. A self-inflicted pain and negative emotion directed at oneself that acknowledges one's own weakness and sins, which is said to mortify the flesh, but absolve the soul. It can be said that Avenger, while taking “penance” for the sin that is vengeance itself, turns himself temporarily into some sort of limited perpetual motion machine of magical energy.

    Heresy Discernement: B
    True Name Discernment fused with Oblivion Correction, repurposed for identifying the sinners, the heretics and impure. In addition to the regular effect, the target whose identity has been successfully identified as sinner receives extra damage from Oblivion Correction skill.

    Personal Skills:
    Shepherd’s Charisma: B+
    The charisma of Ruler as a king known as "Rex Christianissimus", the most Christian king. A saintly monarch who cares for the poor and weak yet still dignified and respected among the strong and influential. It is more effective on weak and lost souls which allows him to rouse two consecutive crusades and incentivize his people to try to rescue him in desperation at the news of his capture. In other words, it is a charisma that gathers around lost lambs willing to be slaughtered.

    Hollow Flesh: C
    A version of Battle Continuation where one's soul remains steadfast and pure even if the flesh is utterly destroyed. By means of ablution of the soul through penitence, Avenger’s soul is preserved and becomes able to be transported into a hollow vessel. The new body becomes an existence similar to a Pseudo Servant, inheriting all his abilities. It can be said to be some sort of respawning type skill.

    An exception is when he is defeated by someone he deems worthy enough that he stops blaming himself for his defeat ragequit. It is also very possible however, that he might never find a suitable body and just perish.

    Arma Christi - Wish of the Lambs: A
    The wish and expectation of Ruler's followers which looked up to him as a "perfect and invincible king" who in return fulfills their wishes through becoming a pseudo-Holy Grail. Even with the failures of his Crusade, such expectation persisted. It is a skill available when Ruler equips every Relics of Christ’s Passion he possesses as a set of armor and weapon, a Mystic Code, Arma Christi. In essence, it is a skill which gives Ruler’s Master an additional Command Spell which if used has the capacity to strengthen Ruler’s ability to a scale as if he is being powered by a Holy Grail itself.

    Distortion: EX
    Class alteration that has successfully integrated the Class Skills of Ruler and Avenger, making the Ruler self inseparable to his Avenger self. Rather than a sudden Class change due to external factors, this situation is more akin to a Double Summon.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Sainte-Chapelle
    O Lord, Consecrate My Reign
    Type: Fortress
    Rank: A
    Sainte-Chapelle. The Holy Chapel which Ruler built upon Palais de la Cité for the purpose of housing the Relics of Christ’s Passion brought from the Crusades. It is said to be the most extensive reliquary of the Arma Christi relics, which includes: the Crown of Thorns, the True Cross fragment, the relics of the Virgin Mary, the Holy Lance, the Holy Sponge, the Mandylion, and others. It is also from this chapel that Ruler administers the matters of his kingdom.

    Each of the relics contained inside can be materialized as different armaments bearing different properties, but they cannot really manifest as true Noble Phantasms, but as merely enhancement and to reinforce Ruler’s weapons to the level of Noble Phantasms.

    By securing a territory and initiating construction using real materials, it is possible to invoke the true name of this Noble Phantasm and recreate the entire Palais de la Cité as a bounded field that allows one to enter anytime, but cannot exit until without Ruler’s permission or until he is defeated. This Noble Phantasm also reproduces the scenarios and imageries during Christ’s crucifixion, invoking a last boss themed stage.

    Croisade des Pastoureaux
    Lead the Lost Lambs into the Promised Kingdom
    Type: Suicide
    Rank: EX
    The Shepherd’s Crusade. The pilgrimage of the shepherd and his flocks into the salvation that is the merciless slaughter. The final conclusion of the two hundred years of Crusade -- the blood of martyrs spilled into the altar of sacrifice.

    A Noble Phantasm that utilizes Avenger’s the nature of Saint Graph as a vessel for souls, and uses it as a fuel to realize a wish of salvation. A crucifix is made out of the Holy Reliquary, and Avenger equips every Relic of Christ’s Passion he possesses as a set of Mystic Code, Arma Christi - Wish of the Lambs. Finally, a ritual reminisce of the Messiah’s crucifixion is performed. Depending on the amount and quality of souls gathered, even a miracle comparable to what a Holy Grail can accomplish becomes possible.


    - - - Updated - - -

    experimental product of sleep deprivation fueled brain fart

  16. #1576
    カラス Kamerad's Avatar
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    Feedback plz

  17. #1577
    The King of Cinders Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Alright, aside from the face claim (which in my mind rather perfectly encapsulates the vibe what you are going for (A leader who loves and is loved by his people and wishes to do as expected as both a king and a Christian, yet despite his good deeds also bathes in sin in pursing glory in battle and stomping out heresy)) I think the sheet rather well incorporates the duality of the nature of the servant. I won't say if or if it isn't possible for a servant to be Ruler and Avenger (that's not my kind of forte so I'll leave that to others), but it certainly is a unique take on the idea of rulers being saints and what a saint is sometimes being juxtaposed by some of the other things they may do in their lives. I will admit I don't know the most about Louis the 9th (I'm more familiar with Louis the 14th or Louis the 16th, I am a little curious if pie chose the sun aesthetic because of Louis the 14th and the sun consequently being associated with the French (and later British Monarchies) or because of the symbolism of the sun representing God in some aspects of Christianity.

    The Usage of his Noble phantasms as being tied to his lore and his historical death in one of his crusades is a interesting and in my opinion well made choice. I am a little curious as to what Ruler/Avenger himself makes of his life and his actions with the crusades no longer being as fondly remembered, the monarchy he was a part of being struck down by the people he once severed and such. More particularly I am very curious what he would make of Napoleon Bonaparte (who tried to spread better quality of life to the rest of Europe with his conquests and such) and Louis the 14th (who was considered one of if not the most successful monarchs in all of French history, who Brough the country to it's military peak, pretty much was synonymous with France, greatly infilled French culture and history (the palace of Versailles) and created a cult of personality which endured and saw him through an over 7 decade long rule, and countless wars (Not to mention he had a court filled with so many talented and brilliant individuals that in their own right could be considered heroic spirits). In my mind I think that if the two met there might be case of serious envy as by rights where Louis the 9th failed, Louis the 14th succeeded.

    Either way it's a well made sheet and I think it sheds light onto a character I didn't know much about and the idea of him being able to imbue his weapons with reliquaries held in a church he created is a neat idea which is a well suited choice to a ruler class servant.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Aslo a question for anyone in the know has a sheet on Lorelei / Lore Lay / Lorelay and/or Undine been done before?
    May the Holy Grail War begin.
    Destruction
    Salvation
    Begins
    Awaits


    Behold, The Halls of the Lost Souls lies before you

    1st Grail War Idea

  18. #1578
    リビングデッド Living Dead Vance's Avatar
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    "Please do mind my attire, I can assure you that it will not hinder my combat ability in the slightest."

    True Name: Brunor Le Noir
    Class: Saber
    Source: Arthurian Legend
    Region: Britain
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Armaments: Sword and Shield

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Endurance: A
    Agility: B
    Mana: B
    Luck: C

    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance A
    A class skill denoting one's ability to resist magical effects. At this rank, one is a magus killer and can cancel out thaumaturgy of all ranks except those which reach the rank of True Magic.

    Descended from the Knight Of The Dragon, Saber carries the blood of dragon kind in her vein, giving her top notch Magic Resistance.

    Riding C-
    A class skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. Rider-class Servants will typically possess a high rank. At this rank, most vehicles and mounts can be handled with above average skill.

    Saber is rather unskilled at jousting compared to her fellow knights so it would take a while for her to succeed. Due to that, she has a preference for battle not involving mounts.


    Personal Skills

    Uncrowned Martial Arts -
    Arms competency that was not recognized by others due to various reasons. To the opponents, the rank of one's sword, spear, bow, Riding and Divinity appears to be one degree lower than what it actually is.

    Due to her general appearance, Saber wasn't really taken seriously to the point that her attempt to join the Round Table was rebuffed until Gawain vouched for her. Even after becoming a member, she was mocked for some time and her skills were put into question.

    Self Modification (Tailor) B-
    A skill granted by Saber's Noble Phantasm. A variant of Self Modification where one remolds not their body but what they wear upon their body. One can customize and introduce pieces of equipment onto their person to obtain useful defensive benefits. However, the work made is noticeably patchwork and may give false impressions.

    While it had taken some time, Saber had managed to refit her father's armor onto herself with almost no changes in appearance other than size. Though that means she kept the features that gave her a bad rep.

    Upon One's Feet A+
    A skill that acts as testament to one's ability to fight without the use of a mount. All parameters except for Mana and Luck are ranked up as long as one fights using their own legs as a source of mobility.

    It was said that while Saber is rather unskilled in the art of jousting, she is near invincible when fighting on foot. In an anecdote, she loses in jousting matches against both Palamedes and Bleobiris, two other Knights of the Round Table, when she challenges them to fight on foot, they opt to refuse and leave. There is another one where she faces a hundred knights in a lady's chamber and fights through them all, to the disbelief of her main travelling companion.


    Noble Phantasm

    La Cote Male Taile (Remaining Armaments of Past Bonds) B-rank Anti-Unit:
    A noble phantasm that acts a sublimation of the mocking epithet that had stuck on Saber ever since her service within the Round Table. One that represents her quest to avenge her father by donning his armor and searching for his killer(s).

    The effect of this noble phantasm is that if someone affiliated with Saber ends up being killed, Saber may voluntarily take up a quest of avenging the person in question by equipping herself with a personal effect of the deceased individual. Upon equipping the effect, she may gain a skill, in a similar manner to Possession Inheritance, that relates to the person she bonded with. For example, by donning the armor of her father, Brunor the Black also known as the Good Knight without Fear Saber, Saber gains phenomenal resistance to mental effects. The stronger the bond between Saber and the person in question, the stronger the skills given to her.

    Current Armaments:
    Armor of Brunor the Black (Rank 10): Phenomenal mental resistance.
    White Printed Black Shield (Rank 1): Minor Damage Reduction when defending.


    Personality

    A patient person who radiates an aura of resignation. She often has the look of someone who is used to not being taken seriously but nonetheless carries on her way. She is pretty tranquil for the most part but those who know her well, or are particularly empathetic, would be able to correctly guess what she's currently feeling. She holds a rather deep love for tailoring despite her acknowledgement of her lack of fashion sense.

    She holds no wish for the grail but would like to see what it's like to hold it.


  19. #1579
    リビングデッド Living Dead Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Foreigner


    Source
    Class: Foreigner
    Other Classes: Caster
    True Name: Howard Philips Lovecraft
    Alignment: Neutral Good/Evil
    Place of Origin: North America


    Parameters:
    STR: E
    END: D
    AGI: E
    MGI: A+
    LCK: C
    NP: A

    Class Skills:
    Existence Outside the Domain (E-EX):

    Forming a connection to the Other Gods, however briefly, has forever changed Foreigner. Though it was severed when he disassociated all knowledge of them from his mind, it still exists, waiting for the two halves to be reconnected. Should the connection be reforged, he will become their conduit to Gaia. While he will avoid doing such, it is still a possibility.

    Divinity (D):
    Though fully human when he was alive, his connection with the Other Gods and the perception of him being the creator of an entire mythos has granted him low level Divinity, making him completely exempt from the ailments of his life.

    Personal Skills:
    Librarian of Knowledge (C):

    Though his Origin makes him forgetful of things he deems unnecessary, his is able to catalogue every piece of important information he has ever gained by the book in which it is contained within his Noble Phantasm. To prevent his own insanity, he has only given himself vague recollections of what is contained within each, but it is enough for him to discern what is appropriate for any situation.

    A Dreaming Existence (B):
    One of the few things he never allowed himself to forget was the futility of existence, though where this knowledge came from was lost in his life. The truth was brought back upon his summons. Realizing that he and all else were merely a dream by the slumbering Azathoth, Foreigner accepted how meaningless everything truly was. As a result, his stats are completely visible to all, as he sees no purpose in concealing them. Likewise, all other Servants stats are visible to him and his master.

    Orator of the Call (A):
    A personalized form of Loss of Sanity, this Skill stems from Foreigner’s soul being touched by the Other Gods. As such, he exudes the madness of knowledge from his very person, distorting the perceptions of those with magic resistance below D rank. Whenever he casts, the forgotten tongue he speaks amplifies this effect, requiring B rank resistance when heard and A rank when directed at a specific person or persons. Prolonged exposure to these effects results in the deterioration of the target's mental faculties.

    Loss of Knowledge(A):
    An evolved form of Self-Suggestion born of his Origin: Disassociation.
    Foreigner is capable of completely disassociating himself from anything to such a degree, he is able to temporarily warp reality around him. If he chooses to forget something, the world around him will change to fit his narrative. This Skill also has a permanent effect on Foreigner. However, he is capable of relearning anything he has forgotten. As an example, if he forgot what a sword was, anything around him represented as a “sword” would disappear. However, if someone then explained to him what a sword was, they would return into existence. The effects of his removal when he has not relearned something last only five minutes before reality corrects itself.


    Weak Constitution (D):
    Weakness of one's body because of an illness. During his lifetime, Foreigner suffered from malnutrition and intestinal cancer, causing this Skill to reflect that by making Foreigner’s body physically thin and weak. However, when summoned as a Foreigner, this weakness is absent due to Divinity, though his appearance remains the same.


    Noble Phantasms
    Miskatonic University: Haven of Forbidden Knowledge (A)
    It is unknown if Foreigner discovered this extra-dimensional space or if it was created when he conceived the fictional town of Arkham. Either way, Miskatonic University manifests as a Reality Marble accessible only to Foreigner and those he chooses. Though it is an entire campus, Foreigner only cares about the library, and spends the majority of his time among the tomes within. Having filled the building with as many of his own books as those already present, any knowledge he could possibly desire is stored here, and acts as his main base of operations.

    Necronomicon: An Image of the Law of the Dead (EX)
    Foreigner’s greatest achievement. Passed off as being created by the Arab Abdul Alhazred in his fictional works, the Necronomicon is the ultimate culmination and collection of all knowledge he gained from connecting with the Other Gods. Though he immediately expunged all knowledge of them once he had completed it, he used it sparingly as a guide for his writings. As Foreigner, he uses it as his central weapon, using the lost knowledge within to call upon the power of the Other Gods, quickly erasing the knowledge from his mind after use. If he were to regain the knowledge for an extended period of time, the gods would once more take notice of him.


    Lore
    Howard Philips Lovecraft is one of the most well-known names in fiction and is often credited as one of the greatest writers of Cosmic Horror to have ever lived. What most people don’t know is that he was also a magus.

    Emphasis on was. At one point, Lovecraft was an extremely talented and skilled magus, considered to possess the potential to discover a new pathway to the Root and True Magic. He sequestered himself away, studying every bit of information he could find and meditating on his own power.

    After two months, Lovecraft returned changed.

    Gone was the calm, intelligent magus, replaced with a weak, paranoid man whose memories of magecraft seemed lost forever. He removed himself from the world of mages, taking a sudden fascination in writing. He crafted worlds and beings beyond human comprehension, humanity little more than helpless specks. These stories became his lasting legacy, a fictional mythos that would surpass and continue to grow without him.

    However, though the characters, tales, and many locations were fictional, the entities present were anything but.

    During the time of his change, Lovecraft believed that he had found the pathway, diligently and nigh-obsessively following it back to its source. Rather than the Root, he found something forgotten beyond the boundaries of reality. He was suddenly confronted by gods and alien entities never spoken of in the annuls of history.

    These beings took notice and flooded his mind with knowledge. In the time before humanity recorded its own history, these beings fought a great war with Gaia itself. A war in which they lost. A seal was then formed to prevent them from interacting with the world, leaving them no ability to influence the world that would become man’s. However, over the millennia, the seal had begun to waver, and a single crack was formed within. It was only after Lovecraft discovered it that they were able to take notice.

    Unwilling to miss their chance, they compelled him to write down everything they had imparted to him, hoping doing so would make their existence known, with others like him seeking out ways to free them.

    After creating a book of uncounted pages, their grip on his mind weakened for an instant. In that moment of clarity, Lovecraft acted. To insure he would never again fall down this path, he erased not only the knowledge he had gained, but also all the years of magecraft and research from his mind. Left confused and dazed, the link to the beings severed by his erasure, all he had was a book only he could read.

    Reading the book, he was once more compelled to spread the knowledge, but his an inherit disbelief in its contents prevented the entities from reforming the connection. He published stories based off what he read and dreamt, creating a dark fiction from a dreadful reality.

    In the end, Lovecraft ended up doing exactly what the gods wanted him to, and the cracks in the barrier continued to grow.

    Personality
    Born a calm, confident individual inquisitive of the nature of the universe, Lovecraft mostly lost these traits when he wiped his own memories. Years worth of time suddenly missing, and subtly suffering from the madness inflicted by the Other Gods, the man became a paranoid mess of a man suspicious of anything new or perceived dangerous, from those of lesser standing in society to advancing technology. Though able to regain many of his older traits when in a perceived safe environment, he was never quite the same.

    If summoned as a Caster, the latter is the man that would be pulled from the Throne. However, his qualities as a Foreigner mitigate the effects of his later life, reclaiming much of his former confidence and demeanor. However, should he became irritated or frustrated, the more negative traits will begin seeping in once more.

    Relationships

    Other Foreigners: Bound in servitude to beings who truly care nothing for you. I was fortunate enough to escape that fate. I pity you.

    Scheherazade: Thank you. Your story is one I treasure.

    Thomas Edison: I believed I might trust you now that I have my wits about me. However, upon seeing you, I'm no longer certain.

    Odysseus: While I am astounded to meet you, I can't help but wonder why you weren't summoned as an Archer.

    Any suggestions for other Servants?
    Last edited by Morg van Destro; November 10th, 2020 at 02:01 AM.

  20. #1580
    リビングデッド Living Dead DelRey's Avatar
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    Kamerad, i do not wish to see my meager chances to get votes on this months servant contest shrink even more, but your sheet is so great, why not submit it? I am a big fan of this sheet, the faceclaim, the poetic use of words, the fusion und personalisation of skills, everything is just *chefs kiss* to me.
    You made this sleep deprived? I have to see what you do when you are full of energy

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