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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #4801
    I'm a peaceful woman with bad intentions. Lady Vanatos's Avatar
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    Foreigner of the Market: Goddamn is this a top-tier sheet. You managed to add so many aspects to it without it coming across as overly clustered while still obtaining that good spot of being Nasu's brand of justifiable in context and entertainingly convoluted. In particular I liked how you tied the Machine God in this instance to Hastur in vice versa. In fact, the whole Theia bit makes me want to go back and fiddle with my old Foreigner Francis E. Dec sheet given its correlation with an unknown technological god and the whole Theia mind virus thing. All in all, it comes together really well.
    Current FGO setup

  2. #4802
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Restrospective Virtual Aesthetic Mirror Panhumanization Events or short ReVAMP Events.
    Events in history that can neither be described as Singularities or Lostbelts or Parallelworlds, are just adjacent timelines with minor changes compared to the proper time, following the events of it, as if mirroring them in some aspects. These can be different choices in non-impactful events like choice of color, a name or just the look and appearance of certain individuals or some unimpactful events happening a bit later.
    Similar to how Lostbelts get pruned to gather their energy, so can these minor timelines be pruned by being absorbed into the main timeline. By the merging of adjacent timelines, sometimes these minor changes can be adopted, mostly the appearance of certain things, but sometimes certain connections are deepened if judged advantageous and beneficial. Overall it is a harmless sometimes happening event with the whole function of making the world a bit prettier.
    This event can be observed sometimes when remnants of old are forgotten to be adapted.
    This is one of the cases of which remnants are still remembered.

    < - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ⌘ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >< - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ⌘ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >

    "Greetings, young one. You are my Master I suppose? Excellent, allow me to introduce myself. I am Cast...no forgive me, Foreigner of Dreams. I am probably the weakest Foreigner you will ever summon. So tell me, Master, how does it make you feel? Disappointed, angry?
    Tell me in detail and please lie down."


    " "Young one" ? You are rather young yourse…Eeehhh where did the couch come from?! Foreigner, where are you?!"

    Foreigner of Dreams



    Class
    Foreigner
    Alternative Classes
    Caster, Avenger
    True Name
    Sigmund Freud
    Aliases
    Lord of Dreams, Father of Psychoanalysis
    Origin
    Austria (modern day Czech Republic) , Historical Fact
    Height/Weight
    172cm/60kg
    Alignment
    Chaotic Neutral
    Attribute
    Human


    STR END AGI MAN LCK
    E+ E+ D B C

    Likes
    Psychology, sexual freedom, dreams, patients, ancient artifacts,
    drugs
    his potions
    Dislikes
    prudeness, mental illnesses, Alaya, the anatomy of male eels
    Talent
    Analysis of Dreams and personal problems
    Natural Enemy
    Carl Jung, agents of the Counter Force, Oedipus
    Armament
    phallic symbol in form of a cigar, yonic symbol in form of a couch
    Catalyst
    first edition of "Traumdeutung", notes of a certain English Homeless, the desperate wish to get help with their psychological problems




    Class Skills

    Existence Outside the Domain C
    A Class Skill associated with Foreigners. Denotes a being that descended from the void of outer space.
    Foreigner is in contact with the Greatest Dreamer, who rules over the Dreamlands. These lands are closely linked to our world and are some kind of reflection of our world. A strange world where dreams are real and reality is a dream and there is no time, but only perpetual youth. That is why Foreigner manifests in his younger form.

    Divinity E
    Both parts of Foreigners Saint Graph are not proper Divine Spirits. But upon ascending the throne in the Dreamland City, the King became the chief god of it, making it barely as the class skill for his class.

    Insanity C
    A Foreigner skill, granted to those that encountered an Outer God and were consumed by madness or consumed the madness itself.
    A high rank granted through his connection with Dreaming King. Kuranes is said to be the only dreamer who has gone to the outermost void "where no dreams reach", that is the court of a terrible and omnipotent monstrosity, The Dreaming God, and survived with both life and sanity intact. The Greatest Dreamer is therefore immune to any kind of mental interference imaginable, but he can only do so much for Foreigner from the distance.

    Item Construction (Fake) C-
    A Skill that acts as an equivalent of Item Construction due to the user's lack of magus aptitude.
    Through Dreaming King and King of Dreams it is possible to summon weapons that are blessed with aspects of the Dreamlands and have the Oblivion Correction effect. Like you can forget dreams seconds after waking up, these dream weapons can hit from beyond your memory.
    The Dreaming King dreamed his whole city into existence, but from afar the weapons have to suffice. Sad that Foreigner rarely uses them and when he does, he can not handle them properly.

    Territory Creation E
    The Skill to build a special terrain that is advantageous to oneself as a magus, such as for the purpose of collecting mana. Never being a Magus is life he was only granted this skill due to his
    Madame Bevenisti's Present
    No Ear for Third Parties
    Noble Phantasm. Whereever he summons it is his Treating Room for Patients (and place to relax in).




    Personal Skills

    Appreciation of Drugs B
    A skill that denotes the owner as a consumer of drugs. It allows the identification of any stimulating or hallucination inducing drug. It grants immunity to negative effects any drug can have on the human body, leaving only the beneficial effects like euphoria, increased concentration, wakefulness, etc. This effect includes most modern toxins and poisons as well, granting the owner Poison Resistance as long the toxin is a modern discovery. At this rank it can act as an Item Construction Skill and allows for the creation of these drugs if they were familiar with it. This includes a drug that can even put Servants temporarily to sleep.

    Foreigner was an advocate of the then young drug cocaine and used it to treat smaller health problems on himself, sent probes to collegues and even drove a friend into cocaine addiction to treat his morphine addiction (which led him to have both). He was also a heavy smoker, which led to buccal cancer and in the end died on an overdoses Morphine to end his suffering with the help of his friend. The King inside him is also quite skilled in the use of drugs, but he used them to move into a comatose state to keep dreaming.

    "I would rather call it "Expertise in Medicine", but okay, go on. You probably just want to degrade me because back when you were little your mother didnt…"
    "Will you please shut up, man?"

    Psychology A-
    A composite skill of Human Observation, Discernment of the Poor and Understanding of the Human Body. At high ranks the user is able to gain access to the skills Suggestion and Torture Technique (Mental). A skill granted to those with the ability to understand the inner mechanism of the human body and mind. Raises own aptitude to inflict Mental Interferences and resist Mental Interferences from others. In Foreigner's case he can even has a chance to inflict Hypnoses.

    As the founding father of the Psychoanalysis he has a deep understanding of the human mind. With a few words exchanged he can grasp the opponents character and psyche. He can use this against the opponent and through words alone can damage their mind. With his talent he could even create a trauma or false memories in their head and weaponize them against them. High Resistance against Mental Interferences allows Servants with a human mindset to avoid most of normal attempts, whereas Servants with high Madness Enhancement or Mental Pollution-like skills can bypass his attacks or are just agitated his words.
    This skill becomes the most dangerous when Appreciation of Drugs skill was successful and put the enemy to sleep, which lowers most mental defenses.

    Dreaming King and King of Dream A
    A composite Skill combining the abilities of the Dreaming King Kuranes and the King of Dreams Freud.
    Being the Father of Dream Analysis, combined with Foreigner's other skills he is able to see other people's Dreams. That allows further insight into their psyche, but also their hopes, fears, wishes and traumata.
    Being the Greatest Dreamer, who created a whole city while dreaming, he has the ability to create things with just his mind and utilize the benefits his creations bring.
    Combined this skill allows Foreigner to manifest Nightmares of others in form of Familiar Creation (Nightmares). Common fears can be created with ease like spiders, snakes and clowns, but personal fears like specific persons need more time, as Kuranes needs precise descriptions of them to manifest them into our world. These creations only last for a short time.

    "Like your real dreams, they are only fleeting and the
    Counter Force
    human conscious
    tries to erase them shortly after. But dreams can reappear again, bringing you back to the moment of your trauma. Especially strong and weird imaginations will have a lasting impact on you after awaking."


    The Familiars have a low rank in Oblivion Correction and the Item Construction (Fake) skill is an extension of this skill here. Else this skill provides Foreigner with low ranks in Golden Rule and Imperial Privilege, allowing him to use the spun gold of Celephais during combat or the red singing birds as distractions, while also granting him most basic knowledge how to fight with your hands and weapons such as spears, bows and daggers.




    Noble Phantasm

    Madame Bevenisti's Present
    No Ear for Third Parties




    "The conversation does not tolerate a listener." is what he once said about his talks with his patients.
    It is private and no one shall listen when the patient freely tells his mind. When someone lies on his famous couch, the only one who hears them is Foreigner. It doesnt matter if someone sits next to the patient and tries listening to him with the help of devices or magecraft or tries lipreading. The words they speak are for Foreigner only. Only abilities targetted for Territory Infringement can bypass it, therefore he can not protect against the Watcher Class.
    Despite his odd character and actions, no one shall ever underestimate how serious he takes his work when someone pleads for help or agrees to help his study. The knowledge he acquired in the conversation will only be shared if the patient agrees to it or extreme circumstances make it necessary.
    More creative use is to let allies take the couch and use it as means to communicate over long distances.

    "Make yourself comfortable, i can guarantee you absolute privacy. Your secrets are safe with me."

    Celephaïs
    Kingdom in the Dreamlands


    "Welcome to the abode of the Greatest Dreamer, the timeless kingdom, the Grand City of King Kuranes!
    Ahch' uh'eagl ot fhtagn, Celephais!
    Kingdom in the Dreamlands!"




    Foreigner activates his Noble Phantasm by injecting a "potion" into his arm and reenacts how Kuranes made the impossible possible and found a way to constantly gain access to the Dreamlands and his city Celephais - with drugs.
    Around Foreigner diverse towers of strange golden minarets start erupting from below the earth, revealing that the entire landscape is now his Dream City Celephais. The opponents find themselfs on the Street of Pillars, made of marble. The city is clad in exquisite Onyx and bronze statues. The smell of the sea lingers in the air and red birds sing their calming hymns. Similar to a Reality Marble Foreigner overlayed the real world with a projection of Kuranes' Dream in form of his Kingdom. In the Dream City towers the rose-crystal Palace of Seventy Delights, which is the seat of King Kuranes, and acts as a 'Temple' and provides great amounts of Mana to Foreigner over time. The activation cost of Celephais is steep, but the Palace replenishes it after a few hours until it can become self-sufficient. The affected area essentially becomes the 'Dreamlands', a foreign realm that acts according to the logic of dreams. It grants Foreigner rank ups in his Item Construction (Fake), Insanity, Psychology and Dreaming King and King of Dreams skills. Due to the strange flow of time inside the Dreamlands, that neither knows past, future or present, all inside his Noble Phantasm receive a low rank in Independent Manifestation, preventing instant death effects and slight immunity to time-altering effects.
    To end this Noble Phantasm is rather simple. It all is a Dream, so awaking the Dreamer shatters the Dreamlands. After activation Foreigner fell asleep and rests somewhere in the city. The Manifestation almost drained all his Mana and now has to rely on his Crystal Palace and Master to get back into fighting shape. All interactions with Foreigner on the streets are his astral projections. To buy time Foreigner can use his authority over the city and the Familiars at his disposal to distract them long enough. He can rearrange entire city blocks and repair damages to prevent a sense of orientation inside the city. But by doing so the time he needs to recuperate is longer. Best use is long before combat, else he is too vulnerable and easy to find.




    Personality

    A serious psychoanalyst and scientist, which is what we thought he was. In actuality Foreigner is a rather strange fellow. He tries to be taken serious and at first glance with his stoic demeanor and serious gaze that seems plausible, but his obsession with dreams, which is further increased in his Foreigner container, drugs and permanent peaking on attractive woman makes him rather annoying to deal with.
    Furthermore he cant stop analyzing people when he talks with them, thinking everyone has a problem with their parents and/or sexuality. Not to mention his excessive smoking, that even a certain tactician in Chaldea thinks is too much, even for the proclaimed reason of improving concentration.
    He knows he is good at what he is doing and sticks to his rather old ways. Every criticism of his methods is a personal attack and saying his field moved on from his theories is blasphemous. As his Noble Phantasm he can manifest the infamous couch he got as a present and cemented the modern day view of psychological meetings as lying on a couch and talking about problems. In those sessions he stayed out of view, he takes this so serious that he actually claims without a doubt to have the aptitude as an Assassin as well (which is not true) and that he has Presence Concealment as one of his abilities…it wouldnt even qualify as rank E. All he does is using the surprise effect of the sudden appearance of a couch to quickly move behind his patient.
    He loves to appear on merry gatherings with alcohol. Not that he actually drinks it, no he appears late, with notebook in hand and uses the drunkenness of his unwilling patients to let them wail about their problems and inner troubles. He sometimes has to let other Servants hangover on his comfy couch and is disheartened when he sees the state it is in the morning after. He is also the only one who hears them snore all night.
    But it is easy to turn the tables. He is the embodiment of the common belief that all psychologists are people with several problems themselfes. He is quite lucky that not many have the idea to question him instead. If he is not "high" he even says he doesn't want to be analyzed at all, it is him, the expert, who does it. Nevertheless Andersen and his sharp tongue made Foreigner one time the patient instead. He lamented his errors when he treated some patients, that he feels responsible for the death of his friend due to drugs, the dispute he had with Jung, his childhood and his strange feelings regarding his mothers attention. He is the one who brought the word " Oedipus complex" into the world for a reason.
    Regardless of his strange personality, he will never abandon anyone who needs his council, be it his friend or enemy. He can be high as a kite and will still snap out of it if someone is in need for an ear. He loves children and is always kind to them, if they want to take a nap he will not hesitate to offer them his couch to sleep.
    His hobby regarding certain substances and cigars often brings troubles with other servants who dont tolerate "children" doing such adult and unhealthy things. Foreigner then starts on a verbal rampage and defends his actions. He died as a grown man and not as a teen, therefore he should be treated as such. Usually many would accept such an argument, but his tirade wont stop and most are hella annoyed and just leave. He is awkwardly silent and obedient tho when some motherly Servants in Chaldea start reprimanding him for his actions. Sometimes he actually asks for punishment from them.




    Quotes and Relationships

    "So tell me, how was your relationship with your mother? …And how did she look like? Please describe her."
    "No."

    Foreigner – Karolina Olsson:
    "I am here to greet you from Kuranes. He says he hopes you stay far enough away from the gate and that you visit again some time. He is free in three hours or in two years. Else you could visit 10 months ago."

    Abigail Williams (Summer):
    "Ah another Foreigner here connected to this realm? Hardly any surprise, but I do like to talk to her. You see, Kuranes is the King of the city that is unofficially considered the Dreamlands capital, but there are other powers in play there. Much more sinister and more evil than one might imagine, more influential than he could ever be. Chaldea seems to fear the unknown inhumanity of the Evil Gods outside our reality. As a psychologist I can tell you, what disturbs the human mind the most is not an untouchable malice from the stars, but the much more tangible cruelty that slumbers inside all of us and became apparent in the World Wars. Patients can sometimes receive a severe trauma from a crime committed against them, but not from the act itself, but from the sheer malevolence in the eyes of the perpetrator."

    Katsushika Hakusai:
    "The other Foreigner there is connected to the Evil God of the Abyss? So she knows her stuff regarding deep sea creatures? That is interesting… *shouts* Young Lady, please for a moment, do you know where the testicles of eels are? You know I've been looking for … Hey stop running, please, i just want…"

    Oneiroi(Morpheus):
    "Ah the colleague of Kuranes, I suppose. One might think Kuranes is a god of dreams, but that is far from the truth. He is the god of his dreams alone and has nothing to do with others. So I doubt there is a real connection between these two."

    Any servant that can manifest in different ages (Iskandar, Gil, Ushiwaka, …):
    "Oooh Master, it is wonderful, simply wonderful! Seeing other Servants who manifested in their young and adult form is a blessing for the study of psychology! We can question the patient at the time the problems could have arised and minutes later the same patient decades later! Or even at the same time! Please arrange that for me! Dont worry i can make a second couch anytime."

    Servants with 'great bodies' like Raikou, Schehezarade, Fergus, etc. :
    *Drools with a perverted face*

    Florence Nightingale
    "Master, Master! Please help me, hide me, anything! I was talking to that woman in red, she was called an angel so i wanted to analyze her, but that was a severe mistake! A very, VERY severe mistake! She took everything from me! My cigars, my...potions, she talks about healing me from my sickness even if it kills me! I barely escaped and AAAH THERE SHE IS!"
    *gets drawn from the screen*

    "Good luck, Freud, you will need it."

    Blackbeard:
    Foreigner claims he often talks with Blackbeard because he is an interesting case to analyze, because of his weird fetishes and therelike. That is true, but also because they actually share some common interests and talk freely about their weird stuff. Further information shall not be shared, because no one wants to hear their "lockerroom talk".

    Maria the Ripper:
    "Oh my your clothes! Young lady, this is not how you should dress at your age! Weird I may be, I admit that, but even I proposed that in a certain age children should not be exposed to such things! If I saw my daughter run around in such- ... oh you have no mommy? Oh I...hmm...well if you feel lonely you can stop by. And we can ask Ms. Crane for some new dresses for you, would you like that?"




    Lore and Background

    Sigmund Freud was born on May 6th 1856 in the Austrian Empire, modern day Czech Republic. The atheistic Jew qualified as a doctor of medicine in 1881 in Vienna and later became an professor in 1885. A year later he opened his clinical practice and stayed in Vienna until 1938, when he fled to the UK to avoid the Nazi persecution.
    Freud is credited as the founding father of psychoanalysis and is best known for his redefinition of Sexuality and his formulation of the Oedipus Complex. His other best known works and theories revolve around Dreams, the existence of the Libido, the id, ego and super-ego and the death-drive. His theories nowadays decline in modern practices, but his work shaped Western thought and the understanding of the human mind.

    He spend his last years in London and during his studies on dreams he came across the works of a homeless, who was once a part of English Royalty. His strange, yet detailed dreams intrigued him. The same night he dreamt of the fantastical city that was described in the shabby manuscript by a forgotten hobo. In the city, on a street of marble pillars, he met a King. They talked and Freud soon realized that the King is the author of those texts and he is real. He agreed to fulfill the kings wish and visited the English region of Cornwall, sightseeing a small town at the sea. After that the King appeared yet again in his sleep and thanked him from the bottom of his heart. They would often meet again at night until Freuds death in in the night of 23rd September 1939. Before Freuds mind vanished into the morphine-induced eternal slumber, the King promised him that he will lend him his powers if he is ever in need of them, as he is forever grateful to him to have seen his home once again.

    Foreigner is one of the few Servants who can "remember" moments of previous summonings. Kuranes can tell him what happened as long as they had a connection at that time.




    Craft Essence

    Dreaming...

    "There are not many persons who know what wonders are opened to them in the stories and visions of their youth; for when as children we listen and dream, we think but half-formed thoughts, and when as men we try to remember, we are dulled and prosaic with the poison of life. But some of us awake in the night with strange phantasms of enchanted hills and gardens, of fountains that sing in the sun, of golden cliffs overhanging murmuring seas, of plains that stretch down to sleeping cities of bronze and stone, and of shadowy companies of heroes that ride caparisoned white horses along the edges of thick forests; and then we know that we have looked back through the ivory gates into that world of wonder which was ours before we were wise and unhappy.
    The fantasies of our youth are the Eden of our soul.
    The dream is the liberation of the spirit from the pressure of external nature, a detachment of the soul from the fetters of matter."




    Editors Notes:
    Spoiler:
    Was about time that I update my first sheet here for my current standard. I still like the concept I had for Freud and back then I considered FGO more of an influence than nowadays, but I think even then I think I had a decent idea how he would play as an unit. I expanded on that, cut out his 2nd NP and reworked some aspects.
    If you are interested in the original story of Celephais, have a read. Just takes around 10-15min.
    As a hidden message, realcasually, if you like this sheet I have an idea I want to share with you.


    Last edited by DelRey; July 18th, 2021 at 06:25 AM.

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
    My Stuff!
    And my
    other stuff!
    (includes an Extra Class Compendium, a small Formatting Guide and Mythological Reconstructions)



  3. #4803
    BEHOLD UNGA RULER

    Name: Fairy Knight Bedivere
    Class: Ruler
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Origin: Arthurian Mythology/Avalon Le Fay Lostbelt

    STR: A
    END: A
    AGI: D
    MAG: C
    LCK: B

    A member of Fairy Country Britain's Knights of the Round Table. A Fairy Knight who assumed the name of the Saint Graph of Bedivere who belongs to the Greater Human History's Knights of the Round Table. Similar to the Bedivere of Greater Human History she is the most approachable of knights and acts as a diplomat between the Fairy Lord Houses and the Knights themselves, alongside Woodwose she shares the position of most reliable servant among the fae. If he and the fang clan are the steel she can be said to be the silk, cornering the disobedient with oaths and laws she keeps the reigns tight upon the whimsical fae

    Her name as a fairy is Silky. A female fairy appearing in English and Scottish folktales. A mischievous spirit that brings both harm and blessings. Unseen by humans she cast all sorts of spells and hallucinations to feast upon their terrors, the sound of storms while the sky is clear, things in the dark, the impression that no matter how much one moves they remain always in the same place, yet at others she would act akin to the brownie, entering the residence of humans and making them marvelous, as usual she would be unseen by humans, only identifiable by the sound of her skirt's rufle, and is said that to gaze upon her working is to witness devilry, yet if the humans were to grateful from the bottom of their hearts she'd rain gold upon them, wrapped in the pelts of horribly murdered beasts.

    A fairy who before receiving the name of Bedivere worked as a maid in the Fairy Lord Spriggan's territory alongside the attendant/fool Capless. With the two working in unison their territory had unseen growth and the influence of the Earth Clan grew. One day Capless disappeared and Silky grew restless, applying her skills and the knowledge taught to her by Capless she spread her influence wide entangling many lesser fae in fear of the terror she'd make their minds go through. Eventually she was captured and instead of execution was granted the name of Bedivere and was given the responsibility of protecting the Spear of Selection due to her far wide territory observation and maintenance abilities, as long as she protected the spear no hands other than the Queen's would reach them

    Centuries later Woodwose introduced her to Percival and Fairy Knight Lancelot, the boy bore the traits necessary to wield the holy spear, initially dismissive of the boy she merely carried her duties as any other fairy would but as the boy grew, developed and obtained power despite his limitations as a human, her mind remembered Capless and the days they spent working together and so she began to indulge his curiosity and even began to take him in meetings with other fairies, be it for pleasure or formalities with the nobles.

    At Woodwose's behest Percival participated in the local tournament and by surviving Lancelot he was offered knighthood by Queen Morgan. Rejecting it he declared rebellion inspired by the ideals of the Round Table, a world where fae and humans could live together despite their differences, in unity and not subordination of one to another. In rage Bedivere charged at Percival and became his first trial, at that instance steeling himself for what was to come the spear answered and granted him the power to cut his path, beggining with his teacher

    Skills

    *God's Resolution and True Name Discernment mutated due to circumstances

    Morgan's Resolution (EX): The privilege of the ruler class over servants, normally manifests as two command seals per servant of the war. As the servant is an extreme irregular existence she is able to impose oaths and commandments upon servants and those weaker than her, failure to meet the goal will be met with immediate punishment yet at the same time Bedivere is unable to give 'impossible' commands within the moment it is made and in case it is met the afflicted individual will be rewarded

    Chosen's Discernment (A): The selector of those that would attempt to wield the Spear of Selection. A top notch ability to judge enhanced further by the authority of the Queen, no sins, history, lies, magic can hinder her. As long as there is an element of 'history' she will be able to read it as a book

    Mana Burst (Light) (B Rank): Emits a light that eradicates everything. As one who protects the holy spear but is unable to wield it she is granted myriad blessings to keep it away from the hands of the unworthy but for the sake of punishing criminals and revealing the truth it was repurposed as a weapon of destruction

    Treasure Protector (A): Ranks up when protecting a locale or a treasure, as she gave way to emotions and charged at Percival recklessly she could not wield her awesome power as a Fairy Knight and was cut down by the very spear she once protected

    Lawkeeper (C): Increase damages against chaotic and evil elements. Those who raise their hands against Morgan are undoubtably evil and to be striken down


    Noble Phantasm

    Chastiefol- Eradicating Foolish Rebellion
    Anti-Unit (Self)
    A cross-shaped bludgeon used by Bedivere in combat, something originally made by Capless' instructions in a jest yet renovated into a weapon worthy of a Fairy Knight. It's the Giant Killing Spear used by the Bedivere of Pan-human history in a whole new form. An objected imbued with Morgan's magecraft, a virtual copy of Rhongomyniad that channels power into Bedivere so that she will keep one of the Kingdom's greatest treasures safe. It would go unused in her battle against Percival for if she were to do so Morgan would simply destroy the place with a swing of her spear and Bedivere sought personal satisfaction, to break the knight for his folly, for taking her for granted, for faking happiness and serenity with her, for abandoning her for leaving for disappearing ah ah ah CAPLESS!

  4. #4804
    Ominous Shadowy Spoiler Figure Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    @Fortuna: Oh brrrrroo god damn. around 30 servants yet to review and your own projects. Thank you so much for all your hard work, but pls beware to not burn out.
    idk how you work that through, but i would suggest doing those you have to do from a little while ago in clumps of creators. Like my Servants together, Therions servants, Wyverns Servants, etc. That way you can perhaps safe time. And you still have Enlil and my Livermore before you...
    I will look forward to your Grands! I really enjoyed the work around your Grands and Beasts. I will use them all as reference when one day I try my hands on them.
    I appreciate the support, that's why I'm probably going to take a break maybe after getting this batch of reviews done for a while (and even then I might give myself a few days to a week just to work on a few of my projects to refresh), I actually am nearly done with Grand Rider just need to add maybe 3 or 4 more relationship dialogues as well as get an outsider perspective on one or two aspects I'm considering changing, even then I'm stoked to have him done, despite the lore taking a while to synthesize and write (a few hours [I may need to actually split it into 2 sections depending on feedback as despite throwing a warning in, it's really that long 3 and a bit pages {font size 10 arial in google docs}]), even still it was a blast to write and come up with ideas for it and as a whole it was one of the more fun sheet's I've been able to make over my time doing this.

    Grand Berserker I need to do the the lore (although this will likely be much easier than with Grand Rider), and the personality which I already have a good idea for, then the relationship dialogue (I have some ideas for it, but heads or tails if that will come easy). The real pain with that will be finding a suitable faceclaim and frankly I may need two as I'm not sure I could find a faceclaim for both him and his armament as I've done a bit of prelmimarny searching and haven't turned up much.


    I'll definitely take the advise of organizing work by creators (likely alphabetically) as that seems to make a bit more sense doing past sheets (possibly also using spoiler boxes for each creator) than organizing it by release date.

    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Oh and you are right, the Munch hidden text was sneaky at the end, I should telegraph it better. wyvern at first overlooked that one too. But it was my goal to subvert the expectation of 'hidden stuff during the sheet' everyone expects at that pont. Sadly (for you) the whole hidden text thing is kinda popular right now. Gold and Silver from the last contest worked with them as well. Regarding my Seeds skill, I go the FGO route and interpret some 'constant' skills as Class Skills, like Muramasas Appreciation of Swords skill. A certain kind of "being" represented as a Class Skill, but i do acknowledge, that Innocent Monster should be Class Skill per that definition as well. But in the words of Gigguk, that paraphrased the reasoning behind the the Fate logic with the great line: "Dont worry about it". The Seeds skill make perhaps more sense in the near future.
    It is probably just a small drop i relieve you of, but you dont have to make a real review on my Macak. It is a joke servant, read it, enjoy it if you like, but dont take it serious enough to put any effort into it. Same with my other two Summer Servants. And I apologize, but my other sheets (Ra, Liszt, Livermore) were big things for me and especially Livermore will be hard on you, because hiddenness is integral part of it.
    Fair enough on the fate logic, it just confined me for a moment, as for the Seed skill, I look forward to seeing what idea you have planned with it.

    As for Macak even if it's not a serious sheet I still want to give it a look over, I may not go as in-depth with it as I do some more serious works, but still given that I've reviewed serval summer servants I still feel I owe it to read it and at least offer what my thoughts are at the minimum. As for the hidden stuff, I don't blame you for, the concept can lead to some really well done twists, and despite my initial frustration with Munch's hidden twist I also did like it (I may not have expressed that clearly enough) as it turned what seemingly was a feel good character and also explored a darker hidden side to him, while also retroactively making the sheet make a whole lot more sense, kinda like scratching away at the surface of a image to find another very different image underneath it). All it really means is that I just have to be more careful reviewing stuff, particularly with those sheet's so really it's not all that big a deal.


    Quote Originally Posted by Master_Therion View Post
    @Fortuna: I don't want to be picky, but Wyvern's John is John VI, not John IV. Also, great job with the reviews.
    Thanks for the notice, that should be fixed now.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wyvern View Post
    Okay, allow me to address your reviews of my servants one at a time. That way I will be able to properly pace myself.


    I'm glad you caught that small gaff on the Skill Ranks. When I make my sheets I tend to save time by using a template of the previous sheets I've made, and sometimes I forget to switch up ranks. It happens when I'm working on multiple things at the same time, but yeah. Hope that it didn't take much off your enjoyment out of it.
    You're fine I myself have gotten stuff like that mixed up before, it's hardly anything major in the grand scheme of things.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wyvern View Post
    In regards to Voyager's Mana being only C despite Andurá Braganza having virtually unlimited fuel is because accessing it is dangerous to Voyager's body. As you might know, wood and fire don't mix up very well, and it is mentioned in his Mana Burst skill that over use can lead to damage to his own body. So Voyager can access a C-Rank of Mana quantity without suffering backlash, and anything more than that can only be accessed through Mana Burst, which lead to self immolation.

    I am also honored that you took the time to read my entrances on the other threads. I don't want to force readers to go through all my stuff to understand each individual sheet. But I can guarantee that your enjoyment and understanding of them will be greater than others if you do take the time to read the other threads.
    Ah so that's the reason, yeah that makes a whole bunch more sense in retrospect, props on you for incorporating that not just into his mana burst skill, but even his mana rank itself.

    As for reading the other threads, I generally like to see what other people can come up with, and I recall you posting you El Derado lostbelt on the lostbelt and Singularity thread (and wanted to getting around to read it) and your work genuinely intrigued me enough that I agreed that I wanted to see more about it. Really if anything I wasn't forced into reading the other threads, I actively sought them out, because I wanted to see more of the work you made, and that's just about the highest praise I can give to another writer's work. When you have got me invested enough that I want to see or read more, then you have done a good job in interesting the reader.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wyvern View Post
    Ah, and there it is.

    I knew this sheet would be a bit troublesome and even considered editing it. But thought better to leave it as it is until I got more feedback. I will try to answer your feedback as best as I can.

    Kasato Maru's role is that she is immune to Karmic Rejection by virtue of having a link to Brazilian History. Thus, she does not get rejected at all. Her Protection of a Sacred Voyage applies that immunity to individuals who become part of her crew. Either by making a contract with her, as the Seven Lucky Gods have, or by having Servants summoned inside her 'hammerspace' as is the case with Chaldea using her as a base of operations.

    However, that protection only exists inside Kasato Maru, hence why she only has an E-Rank at it.

    If Chaldea tried to summon servants inside her and take them out to fight, they would be greatly weakened and then rejected. Only servants that have a 'link' to South America can go outside Kasato Maru with any degree of success, with the exception of Mash due to her unique status. SO South American servants are still very much the stars of the show, but some canon FGO servants do have connections to South America. For example, Napoleon has a link to its history due to his actions in life.

    Jaguar Man and Quetzalcoatl are less affected by Rejection due to their 'origin' being closer than other servants. To the point that they have 'Counterparts' on the Lostbelt. So Karmic Rejection sees them as 'Alter Egos'.

    I will take your suggestions about the Skills of the Gunner Class and the Personal Skills of Kasato Maru into account when I make my edits. Just wanna make sure that she doesn't come off as plot breaking.
    Generally I feel this does explain some of my confusion and feelings around Kasato Maru, I suppose my main conundrum was why she was even needed so to speak. I suppose this may be a problem of what my expectations were around your lostbelt, and if so then I apologize as that a problem on my end rather than any issue with your ideas or implementation of them.

    My perspective was that due to the karmic rejection phenomenon Chaldeas was going to have to only spend the lostbelt around servants with ties or connections to South America or which were Brazilian or South American in origin (save Mash).The main "? mark" was it felt like you were giving a solution in my eyes to a problem which was already partly solved and even then as mentioned if the protection only applies to servants inside her than that still means that only servants which are Brazilian or South American aside from Mash can actually leave her to partake in the lostbelt, as such at least to me, it makes the whole plot point of her being a safe haven to servants from the karmic rejection phenomenon basically doesn't seem to matter as the servants inside cannot exist her else they lose that protection.

    I also suppose this may come into play in later parts of the lostbelt, but for all intents and purposes it just felt unneeded in my eyes from a plot standpoint. As for making changes to her, I would say do what you want with it, all of my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Plus I'm hardly playing with a full deck of cards here, for all I know it may be that Kasato Maru may end up being integral to a later part of the Lostbelt's plot and if so then really it's my fault for accusing her of being unneeded. At the end of the day it's your servant, what you want to do with them is entirely up to you.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wyvern View Post
    And now to top it off when our Showman of the New World. The funkiest King to ever exist. I'm honestly surprised at how well he came out, since the concept I had for him was entirely different. More of a neutral figure than an enemy. But I find that he adds some levity to the Protagonists while coming off as intimidating and charismatic in his own way.

    I'm looking forward to making the other Gods of the New World and that they hopefully become as well liked as King Momo.
    I look forward to them as well, TBH, I still kinda see him still as a somewhat neutral figure as wheel he clearly is on the side of the Golden King, he also still throws Chaldeas a bone, and also has his own agenda as well.


    Quote Originally Posted by NittyGritty View Post
    fortuna is too powerful and cant be stopped

    thank you for the kind feedback

    its always great receiving such in-depth concrit

    consider your words heard and immediately disregarded

    have a nice day )))
    Glad you liked it, you do you.


    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus View Post
    First of all, thanks for the review.

    As for why I give her a standard Riding instead of a specialized variant. It's a Skill she gets because she is a Scythian woman rather than her own personal history, so I think that giving something standard is more appropriate in this case.

    Mana Burst is a Skill that I give her more in the angle of her role in a story I currently make. She is a relentless Archer that hunts the protagonist down and always fires her best shot (she chase the protagonist with motorbike and fires a lot of "one-hit kill attacks" to them). I personally reluctant to give her a specifically Amazon Skill and NP because she is a Scythian first before they are the inspiration of the Amazon, I don't want to rely on her connection with the Amazons too much.
    Ah so that's the reason. I can respect that, the desire to highlight the character itself rather than the inspiration behind them, and I've definitely had a few moments like that.
    The Nasuverse: Everything you know about history is wrong, people don't die when they are killed, The Archer class is not filled with Archers, and King Arthur is a Girl.

    Behold, The Halls of the Lost Souls lies before you

    1st Grail War Idea


    Servant Template and Servant Ideas for anyone's use if they wish

    Favorite Servants I've Read (in no particular order [updates over time])

  5. #4805
    Wyrd oft nereð unfǽgne eorl, þonne his ellen déah... Skull's Avatar
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    Assassin

    "Unlike Servants, you Master are unlikely to come back after death so as this might be your only chance, go all out! Live life to the fullest so even if death comes when you least expect it, you won't have any regrets. That's the way of the English Viking..."




    True Name: Hereward Wæcnan
    Epithet: "The Last of the English"
    Region: England (11th Century)
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Likes: Song 'n Dance, Wandering
    Dislikes: Authority, Betrayal
    Talents: Grand Larceny, Impersonations
    Natural Enemy: William the Conqueror

    Parameters
    STR: (B) END: (C) AGI: (B) MGI: (D) LCK: (D) NP: (C)


    Character

    Assassin takes the form of Hereward, the Anglo-Danish nobleman who led a failed revolution against William the Conqueror who had usurped the English throne. A youthful looking man, tall and slender but with subtle muscles hidden under his clothes, with a head full of red hair and piercing eyes. He wears a set of clothes fit for practicality in camouflaging within swamps and marshlands rather than for style, with a bow and quiver of arrows slung across his back and a sword with an ivory hilt and velvet sheath at his side.

    Despite his reputation as an infamous outlaw, Hereward is a pretty laid-back guy who enjoys naps and some good music. Having grown up in the Danelaw he idolises the concept of the "Viking" and was crushed to meet the real thing and find out they were just back-stabbing scoundrels. As a result, Hereward tries to embody the ideals himself as an "English Viking" to which he combines the bombastic rebelliousness with the restrained Knight's Code so that while he might rob from the rich he gives it back to the people instead of profiting himself. His belief in virtues and grace also keeps his bloodthirsty side in check so that he does not fall back into the rampaging killing machine that caused his wife to leave him in sorrow. Having been betrayed in the past by people he once called his comrades, Hereward is naturally suspect of putting his trust in a Master who only summoned him for their own convenience but if they turn out to be a person of good moral character then he'll happily work alongside them. Other targets of his mistrust are any example of authority figures such as royalty or religious institutions but there are exceptions as Hereward served Count Baldwin for years without any complaint.

    In a Holy Grail War, Hereward is all too aware that he isn't a top class Servant so he lives up to his role as Assassin by stealthfully observing the other Servants and their Masters, making plans and setting traps all the while watching for a perfect moment to strike. His arsenal mainly consists of a bow and arrows to attack with at range whilst having his sword Noble Phantasm as a last resort to use in a pinch. Most of the battles will be trying to survive with this hit-and-run strategy, although Hereward isn't completely above targeting the enemy Master so long as they aren't a woman or child.

    His Wish upon the Holy Grail? To have prevented himself from being made an exile as a teen. Even if it meant never meeting his beloved wife, even if it meant never gaining fame as a hero - he would still do it so that he would fight alongside his family and people against the Norman invasion and either die proudly or change the course of history.


    Skills


    Class Skills

    Presence Concealment - (B)
    The capacity to hide one's presence as a Servant and is the standard issue Class Skill of the Assassin class. As a medieval guerrilla fighter, Hereward is very adept at stealth and reconnaissance tactics. Now incarnated as a Servant, it is possible to disappear from sight and become extremely difficult to be detected. However, the rank of Presence Concealment drops considerably when preparing to attack.

    Personal Skills

    Disengage - (A)
    The ability to withdraw from the battlefield in the midst of combat or reset the battle conditions. It was Hereward's philosophy that not all wars are won by endless aggression and sometimes the best strategy is to run away to fight another day. Through this mindset he perfected a hit and run style of combat where he waits for the perfect opportunity to deal as much damage in a short span of time before retreating so the enemy does not have time to mount a counterattack. As a bonus effect, a successful Disengage will forcibly releases some of the bad status ailments inflicted on the user of this Skill.

    Ignis Fatuus - (D)
    The tiny Elementals of Flame that dance and flit around Hereward, said to have been spotted by eyewitnesses as aiding him in his final battle against the Normans. Normally they just float around and annoy Hereward with their ceaseless chatter but in battle they can attach themselves to his weapons in order to impart a Flame effect and an enemy struck will have to bypass a Check in order to avoid a Burn status. Since the Elementals themselves can't be burned, Hereward's favourite tactic is to lure the enemy to a flammable trap and then fire a burning arrow to cause an explosion. Hereward doesn't actually know where these sinister spirits came from, but if he had to guess it would be swamp gas was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

    Master of Knights - (B)
    A composite Skill that combines the abilities of Charisma with Military Tactics. Prior to becoming a revolutionary hero, Hereward's name was known and respected for his successful campaigns in Flanders as the "Magister Militum" under Count Baldwin. Having retained his magnetic charisma and sharp tactical mind, any allies in Hereward's Party will receive a Morale boost that will grant them a Plus Modifier in passing Checks as well as allowing them to work better as a combat unit so long as Hereward remains as leader. Naturally this is Hereward's least favourite Skill as it no longer suits his current fighting style as an Assassin Class Servant but in certain situations he might be able to get some use out of it like working alongside his Master.

    Subversive Activities - (A)
    The talent to reduce the enemy forces in the preliminary stages before going into battle. As a master of traps, Hereward can easily fortify a stronghold or rig a battlefield with various types of hazards to wear down the enemy. With this skill at Rank A, it is possible to disable close to 60 percent of the enemy forces before they advance - making it especially useful against Familiars either from a Caster or a Master as well as Army-Type Noble Phantasms. Of course a singular enemy that is forced to go through trap after trap would also be made vulnerable. However, the higher the ranking of this Skill, the more one's spiritual status as a hero declines...not that sort of thing bothers Hereward as he never considered himself a "hero" anyways.



    Noble Phantasm

    Brainbiter
    Cursed Sword of the Red Ogre

    [Type - Anti Unit], [Noble Phantasm Rank - C], [Maximum Range - 1 Meter], [Maximum Number of Targets - 1]

    A conceptual weapon that once belonged to the Pictish ogre known as Ironhook before Hereward won it in combat after killing the monster. Despite its ivory hilt and velvet sheath giving it a regal appearance, it is a demonic sword that carries a deadly curse within the blade that is said to kill everyone it strikes on the first blow.

    How it works is that upon drawing blood, the dark miasma flowing through the blade will travel into the victim's bloodstream right up to the brain and devour it to cause a neurogenic shock and inflict the concept of death upon the opponent. Naturally a Servant is more resilient than a normal human so a simple cut will often not be enough and will require stabbing the entire blade through their body. There are a few countermeasures in the few seconds between the miasma entering the body to it reaching the brain, such as the Knight Classes Magic Resistance or being able to flood the Curse out with high enough Mana. A Master on the other hand is very vulnerable to a simple slash so it may be preferable to target them instead. But the miasma takes time to build up so using it on multiple targets or trying again immediately if the enemy manages to cancel the Curse's effect is not feasible.

    However, though the curse may be powerful indeed, the sword itself was still constructed from normal steel and so is liable to break against other powerful magic weapons as it did in the battle with Letwold. For that reason, Hereward prefers not to use it in direct combat where possible and instead whittle the opponent down with arrows and traps before drawing his sword for a "one hit kill" manoeuvre.


    Lore
    During the twilight years of the Anglo-Saxon rule of England, the young man named Hereward loved to cause a ruckus and stir up trouble. By the time he was eighteen his father, Lord Asketil couldn't take the humiliation any longer and so he asked King Edward to make his son an outlaw to teach him a lesson. Exiled from England, young Hereward was not deterred and so set forth on a winding journey through Kernow, Ireland and eventually Flanders - all the while battling mixed-bloods, saving princesses and other exploits a bold young man might get up to. However, it was there in Flanders that Hereward truly learned that with great power comes great responsibility.

    Having lost his ship in a storm and washing up on the continent of Europe, young Hereward is given shelter by a beautiful woman named Turfrida. Wanting to woo this lady, Hereward goes around winning every tournament he can and ends up becoming an instructor to young knights on combat. Hearing of Hereward's strength, he is approached by an ambitious man named Robert the Frisian who explains he is the son of the Count of Flanders and was itching to prove himself to his father by putting down a revolt by the people of Scaldemariland who were refusing to pay taxes to the Count. Thus Robert wanted to enlist Hereward as his "Master of Knights" to lead the expedition to squash the rebellion. Seeing this as his chance to win Turfrida's hand and redeem himself in the eyes of his own father, Hereward agreed and set off immediately. However the people of Scaldemariland would not be so easily defeated as their land took the form of an archipelago which was well guarded and lead to a stalemate as Robert's forces could not easily make land to attack. Wanting to avoid further casualties, Hereward suggested using more unorthodox tactics to succeed and instructed the knights to essentially fire bomb the enemy camps and supply chains in order to sow chaos and allow Hereward's party to storm the island and capture it. Having completed his mission and earned much fame, Hereward returns to Turfrida to marry her and take her back to England. But what they find there is a country greatly changed in the intervening years...

    The year was 1067 when Hereward and his wife landed back in England. But to his dismay, Hereward found that the Normans had invaded and conquered England and placed in front of the gates of his former manor were the heads of Hereward's family on pikes. Enraged Hereward went on a killing spree of every Norman he could find. Turfrida could not bear to see him like this so she took refuge in the nearby Monastery. Eventually Hereward came to his senses and sought out his uncle, Abbot Brand of Peterborough in order to be made a Knight of the Realm. Abbot Brand agreed but on the condition that Hereward would return to Flanders for now was not the time to overthrow the tyrant King William, but that time would come one day and Hereward would be needed. Obeying his uncle, Hereward went back to being a mercenary under Robert the Frisian for two years whilst Turfrida parted from her husband to become a nun at the Crowland monastery.
    It was in the autumn of 1069 when Abbot Brand passed away and Hereward returned to England in order to handle the funeral. But whilst staying at the Abbey, Hereward caught wind of King William having appointed the Norman Turold to be the new Abbot of Peterborough and would on the King's orders seize all the wealth in the monasteries to deprive the English of any means of resistance. As revolts by the English were happening across the country, Hereward felt this must be the time his uncle predicted was coming and so when King Swein of Denmark arrived in England, Hereward invited him to the Isle of Ely where he had based his operations as the leader of a gang of outlaws who resisted Norman rule. During his discussion with King Swein, Hereward explained his plan to rescue the treasures of the monasteries from the Normans starting with Peterborough and implored Swein that the wealth of England was so great it would be worth the Swein's time to consider helping Hereward overthrow William. Swein agreed to help with the Peterborough Abbey as a trial period and so before the new Abbot arrived at the monastery the combined forces of the English and Danes sailed from Ely in a flotilla of small Fen boats and arriving at the Abbey, Hereward's men set fire in the streets to create a distraction whilst he and the Danes snuck inside the Abbey and pillaged it clean and taking several senior monks with them they all returned to Ely safely.

    Then it all went wrong as the Danes put all the treasure and the monks on their ships - supposedly for safe keeping but in reality Swein had made contact with William and they negotiated that Swein could keep the treasure if he quietly went back to Denmark but not before revealing the location of the rebels. Using the monks as hostages, Swein left Ely with all the treasure for himself and sailed back to Denmark. King William countered swiftly by imposing a military conscription and raised a small army to attack Ely. Hereward's men were gripped in despair and so Hereward made a great speech to break away the men from their fear, packing in every biblical allusion he could think of to convince them of their cause. The days passed and Hereward's men fought valiantly day and night to defend their island from attacks from every direction. Eventually William's advisors told him that a bunch of rowdy outlaws weren't worth the time and lives being sunk into this conflict and so William sent agents to negotiate a ceasefire on the condition that Hereward's men stop their banditry. After looking over his men who were exhausted physically and mentally, Hereward was forced to agree and things quieted down for the time being.

    Distrustful of William's promise, Hereward sent out coded messages to gather every kinsman and freeman who had been exiled or disinherited in order to strengthen their numbers. Hereward's fears turned out to be correct as over the next few months he had to contend with various agents of William - from Abbot Turold and his militia who sought revenge for his pillaged monastery, to the Sheriff Ivo Taillebois who employed a witch the curse the outlaws and even Frederick of Oosterzele-Scheldemariland who was a former comrade of Hereward back in Flanders and was jealous of his success. One by one Hereward's men held them off until King William finally had enough and returned from Normandy to finish things once and for all. Since a naval assault on Ely was clearly not working, William ordered some local fishermen to jerry rig a bridge to the island from the mainland so that the Normans could mount a proper invasion. But in reality the "head fisherman" that the Sheriff was barking orders to was Hereward himself in disguise alongside many of his men likewise so that when William's men stormed the faulty bridge it collapsed under their weight and almost all of the sank straight into the dark waters of the marsh never to be seen again aside from the sole survivor, a knight named Deda who managed to swim ashore onto Ely where he was immediately captured by Hereward's men. But to Deda's surprise, he was treated very well as per the "knight's code" as Hereward called it and was able to dine with the leaders of the Resistance before being sent back to William.

    Yet despite this great victory, Hereward was unaware of a growing rift forming between the monks and the laymen, the former being much more weary and discontent with the state of affairs. So while Hereward and his men were out foraging, the leader of the monks Abbot Thurstan snuck out in a boat in order to win the king's favour and restore their fortunes. In exchange for clemency, Thurstan revealed to William a secret causeway that if followed correctly one could sent soldiers across without fear of sinking into the treacherous swamp and eventually reach the island. Seeing victory in sight at last, William ordered his fleet to preform a blockade around Ely to prevent Hereward's men from trying to escape by boats whilst he lead a thousand of his cavalry knights across the causeway and eventually made it safely onto the island. Once on solid ground, William had his men move swiftly to take each stronghold and work his way up the island in order to so that they could not mount a counterattack, and with their guerrilla tactics rendered ineffective the outlaws fell one by one. By this time Hereward had seen the fires spreading across the island and raced back to fight, but it was already too late as only his personal fort remained standing and was under relentless assaults from the king's forces.

    Deciding that the island was lost, Hereward orders his men to escape on small reed boats while he alone would distract the Normans' attention by drawing them into the burning woods. Upon seeing their hated enemy challenging them to catch him, both the Sherriff Ivo and Abbot Turold ordered their men to give chase, expecting a swift execution but were frustrated as Hereward led them into one hidden trap after another. But even with all his wits, Hereward found himself slowly being cornered and out of arrows. However just as he was about to give up, Hereward saw a spectral white wolf appear before him and look him straight in the eyes before howling to the moon and a gust whipped up the embers forcing Hereward to shield his eyes and when he looked again the wolf was gone. Hearing the enemy approaching once again, Hereward stood up determined and casting aside his bow, drew his sword and faced down the endless soldiers.

    “Look at me!” he said; “I am Hereward the outlaw, I am the champion, I am the Berserker, I am the Viking, I am the land thief, the sea thief, the ravager of the world! Touch me, and I will give you to the raven and to the wolf, like so many of your brethren before. If you wish to die then step forward and taste a length of steel!"

    What became of Hereward after that fateful night is lost to the fog of history. Some say he fell in battle and was buried in Crowland alongside his beloved ex-wife Turfrida, whilst others say he was captured and made to serve William in his campaigns until he died on the battlefield. Perhaps the only one who knows the answer is that strange old man who arrived in England after the death of William, claiming to be Thegn who wandered across Europe and wanted to retire in his homeland peacefully. He also answered to the name Hereward, funny that...


    Relationships
    Caster-Cú - "...Do I know you?"

    Eric Bloodaxe - "My experiences with Vikings in the past wasn't so pleasant. Hopefully you will turn out differently."

    Richard the Lionheart - "No man is his brother's keeper. Worry not, I do not begrudge you for a distant ancestor's actions."

    Robin Hood(s) - "Ho? I hear that your stories were based on mine. What's say you to a competition to see if the imposter can outdo the original?"


    Creator's Notes
    I put a lot of effort into making him not as similar to Robin Hood as possible, in both skillset and mindset. I also took some liberties in drawing on literary depictions of Hereward to fill in the occasional blank space of time that history left us to make a more complete picture of his Lore section. I kinda feel he's a bit like Achilles in that there's a lot packed into his Sheet but unlike Achilles it doesn't make him OP so I guess it should be fine.

    The personality is heavily based on Kuchii Jinzaburō from "Angolmois" - being another aristocratic member of society that was made an exile only to wind up fighting for his country against a foreign invasion, plus he specialises in unorthodox tactics just like Hereward.

    The Faceclaim is Tigre, main character from "Lord Marksman and Vanadis". Have not read or watched the series, but he looks a decent enough fit if a bit young.


    W-w-what's this? A Sheet that isn't about an Arthurian character for once? Has hell frozen over?

    Any comments and criticisms are welcome as usual~
    Last edited by Skull; July 19th, 2021 at 01:20 PM.
    "Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"

    (Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)

  6. #4806
    祖 Ancestor Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    Servants I will have to get to some point later from the more modern sheets:

    Sigmund Freud (summer), Gunnar Hámundarson, Jesse Livermore, Karolina Olsson (summer), Twinkle Star (summer), Julie d'Aubigny, Eve, Jirocho Shimizu (summer)


    Servants I still have to review from a little further back:

    Aischylos, Ra, King John IV of Portugal, Pedro Álvares Cabral, Aqualtune, Aesop, Kim Il-sung, Enlil, Rocambole, Franz Lizst, Iara, Dame Ragnelle, Tomas De Torquemada, Jaguarê, Imhotep (summer), Accolon, Yang Luchan, Remus, Sakanoue no Tamuramaro, Macak, Pedro I


    Servants I want to do sometime in this mortal coil:

    Grand Rider (planned to be next unless Grand Berserker takes the lead on that front)

    Grand Berserker


    Caster (Takiyasha-hime) & Assassin ({redacted}) (two part multi sheet story)

    Ravager (Boudica)

    Brawler (Donald McBane)

    Caster (Sir Richard Francis Burton)

    Rider (Viking)

    Faker and Specter of France (two part multi sheet story)

    Idol Beast


    Even then mate, I may be crazy, but even I'm not that crazy. While review sheets can be a pleasure doing it without a break basically takes what amounts to a hobby for me and makes it a chore not to mention risks me burning out (something which has happened to me on serval other things I've liked over the years and I don't want that to happen to creative writing or servant sheets).




    While I appreciate the praise I think you may give me a bit more credit that I'm due, really I just follow a basic movie / game review template with reviewing sheets.

    Does this sheet they tell me who this is if the figure isn't super clearly well known or obvious? Do they do a good job explaining what their deal is? Is there personality memorable? Are there interesting themes or moral questions posed by the work? Is the formatting good? Are there any particularly interesting skills or Noble Phantasms or the seeds of unique and interesting Ideas here? Is there a general cohesion to the sheet? Stepping back, what does this sheet make me feel? etc.

    I just follow this format and mention important talking points because most of the time it lets me highlight strengths, weaknesses, and such while also trying to have clear points of what's good and what you can take away from he sheet or possibly improve on. This is in part, because I myself want to improve as a writer and also want to maybe show people how to improve themselves.


    To put it simply in (and borrow a quote from one game I feel fits well here)

    "Excellence isn't an art, it's pure habit. We are what we repeatedly do."

    The Edge *

    Furi

    * this quote itself is also almost certainly based on a similar quote by Aristotle


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    {{It Begins}}


    Finally start the Reviews ,

    Thank you for your valuable Reviews Fortune ! At firt now let us talk About em .

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post

    Bertrandon de la Boquiere: To summarize the sheet succinctly, there is a bit of potential here, however I'm not fully sure that it's being used to it's fullest. One of the more major issues I would cite on first glance is some parts of the sheet contradicting or going in seemingly opposite directions than other parts of the sheet as a result somewhat undermining some of the intent and having some aspects of him seem more like informed attributes rather than convincing parts of the sheet. To give some examples of this you have powerless shell a personal skill all about basically being physically helpless, yet Bertrandon has a C rank in strength (and while parameters aren't everything this is also reinforced as by your words in Quiver of Many Talents that he has at the least trained himself enough so that he can defend himself and isn't physically helpless, something which contradicts powerless shell).

    Presence concealment also is a bit redundant here as espionage would have been a more fitting skill for him as an Assassin and would have presence concealment sealed or lost based on what I understand of the skill. Golden rule also is a pretty high rank, but then again, I'm not so sure how that compares to others with a ranking in golden rule like Siegfried, Gilgamesh, and Gilles. Magic Resistance as a whole is unusual in an assassin class and generally, I am of the mindset that unless it is a double summon situation or a situation with someone having a good reason as to why they would have other class skills (vis a NP, innate abilities, etc.) class skills should normally be restricted to the class the person is in. Quiver of Many Talents, doesn't do enough in my mind to really justify itself from the existing skills like Expert of Many specializations / All kinds of Specializations or Librarian of Knowledge, plus given that Hassan of the Hundred faces who had both of these personal skills as separate rather than a combined entity makes it dubious if a fusion of these skills does exist.

    The personality is another thing I feels is off in this in that it kinda contradicts what Bertrandon's whole job was or makes him come off as hypocritical, the guy can't really be a pacifist if he was on a mission to collect information to basically make the Muslims look threatening (even if he may have had to lie, take things out of context, or manipulate the facts to do so [I'm not sure if he did so, but considering his job was to collect information to drive others to war, he probably would have done what he felt would be most likely to achieve that aim]) and thus galvanize the Nobility of Europe into war, that is far from pacifistic. While you can make claims of wage war to gain peace, really that's probably not the case here. Moreover, describing someone who literally was a spy as a trustworthy (something basically his job, his NP, and other factors make that clear you shouldn’t trust him) and appreciative of the Muslim culture, when his literal job was to gather information to then have a crusade lead against them likely destroying that culture is basically missing the facts of the matter and basically portraying at minimum a greatly watered down if not outright flanderized version of the person.
    About powerless Shell it is more a ilusion like skill that lets him appears harmless in my understanding then that he is truly this weak so it is in that regard wanted contradicting if you give it a second thought.

    Presence Concealment did i thought was more Fitting due to that he wasnt noticed as spy ,he has Golden Rule because he was married to a wealthy Noblewomen and that he later got a Castle to govern ,so should this be represent that aspect through the skill . About thee Quiver skill i am honest i had difficulties in to decide which of the two skills fitt more , as as spy during that time and as he had to have a good education as he had a certain Honor title had great Knowledge but as far traveled Person he have aswell aquired some abillities that are valuabe like think if you traveled as much countries ,would you not acquired many skills that you Need to continue the travel ?

    About his personality he dutifull and following his Kings wish in his Mission but he had the typicall "they arent all that bad" Impression of them but that changed not that they are still a looming threat to whole europe and ist cultures so di he think that,and About trustworthy aslong as his Master isnt truly evl without reason he is reall trustworthy

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post

    Ziusudra: So, trying to work through this, I have a few questions while I get the desire to have a Noah or Noah-esqe character as Grand Rider this is undermined by the fact that that is supposedly who Grand Assassin is (although if this means Noah also existed or not I have no clue). The other main issue I have is that even for a grand this is really strong, frankly too strong, and just too much as a whole. I'll try and address the individual pieces here at first, the lore comes off as a fusion of Noah and Solomon into one character and while the bit with Enki could have been promising maybe showing some sort of deeper connection this is never fully explored. The whole angle of her as being harsh towards the Abrahamic religions and seeing the modern world as lost or misguided was an interesting point which I feel does lead into some of my other later points, but at the least feels more unique than just your garden variety heroic character.

    Moving onto the skills It's then we are introduced to another character that this borrows from, namely that of Gilgamesh and this is an impression which only grows over time. The main issue with this is that Gilgamesh is already strong enough and already qualifies for one grand ranking, combining aspects of him with other powerful characters just feels superfluous as a result. Unified Language (Divine words) just annoys me on a fundamental level, the whole point of the unified language is that it was a stronger than the language of the gods (divine language), but it was also more limited as from what I recall of it, it couldn't do casual reality warping, it just acted as a very powerful ability which let the user command other humans, and presumably animals, spirits, and even possibly phantasmal species similar to a command seal. Giving an ability which fuses the two basically just misses the point altogether of why they were separate (one weaker, but more frequently useful, one stronger, but more limited) and that alone would be a crazy strong ability.


    Walker through the Ages seems really redundant and a mostly just seems to give instant death resistance and independent action to Rider similar to Independent Manifestation (which you later gave them via a NP so what's the point), but slightly different to connect it with their lore. Plus, this also ignores the fact that the age of the Gods was already in decline in Mesopotamia long before Gilgamesh, the entire reason Gilgamesh was conceived as the keystone of the god was to fix things, mainly the declining state of the age of the gods since Sefar broke everything 14000 years ago (and unless you're saying that Ziusudra is over 9500 years older than Gilgamesh he literally cannot have seen the golden age of the gods in Mesopotamia). God's divine core really should disqualify them from Grand ranking as I'm not sure they were close enough (with them only mostly ruling humanity before the flood) to humanity to be a grand servant while also being a god, plus I don't even know why they have godhood as I don't recall them being mentioned as a God in my research of Mesopotamian deities nor do I think they were truly worshipped as one afterwards as such at most they should be a demigod not a full god. Moving beyond that Golden Rule basically solidifies the Gilgamesh connection alongside another NP or two which really isn't needed as I mention and Priestly Imperial Privileges kinda feels excessive given he also has Unified Language (Divine words) and all of this NP, this on top of having really strong parameters all around to start with (which isn't normal for a Rider class servant).

    The dialogues and relationships don't fully seem complete so I'll hold comment on that, then we get to the NP, there are 5 of them, and 3 are ranked EX with the others being ranked basically A+. That alone seems excessive my Grand Rider has only 3 or 4 NPs (although it's a catch 22 on that in that one Idea I have is that if I'm giving him a 4th NP, that it can only manifest or be used as Grand Rider and comes at the cost of another NP being lost as the 4th NP is an evolved version of the 3rd NP [however this may be dummied out, I do want to run it past someone before I set this idea in stone]). Of those and due to the factors mentioned before he only has access to 1 EX ranked NP at any given time (although I will grant you the other two are ranked A+ [or as grand one would rise in power to A++]) and the EX ranked NP he does normally have is fairly situational in it's uses despite it's power. He also has strong personal skills, but this does come at a cost, namely his physical parameters while fair, aren't the best and even as Grand Rider his physical abilities in combat would be mostly relying on his personal skills and NP to keep things in his favor as he can't contend with the likes of the knights of the round table 1 vs 1 on most occasions (even if he is technically strong enough as a servant to be most of them that requires his personal skills or Noble phantasms to do so).


    As mentioned before giving Ziusudra the Gate of Babylon, even without Enkidu and Ea is basically more than enough to qualify them as Grand Rider really you could stop here and be set for NPs. Making it so that Ziusudra knows how to use everything in the Gate of Babylon thus removing one of Gilgamesh's biggest weaknesses is already pushing it as basically you're described a super-version of the UBW, with everything already in it from default, and without having to trace weapons to get them into reality. Enuma Elish made me facepalm, for one we don't even know that the *beep* the 4th true magic is and even then just mentioning that the attack basically contains three true magics just comes off as being tryhardy and such, also At this point Tiamat should have long since been dead, (or as close to it as they can get) D E A D, DEAD, killed by Marduk with his axe, and sealed in the realm of imaginary numbers possibly by Enki. Lahmu would have likely been killed off at this time and thus the explanation as to why the gods flooded the world makes no sense. Really you could just claim it was that they thought the past generation of humanity was too independent and wanted to kill them off to try and get them more reliant on them and when that failed they tired the whole Gilgamesh thing. It's hardly out of character given how the gods behave and really it just comes off as trying to handwave them being basically psychopaths (which we know Ishtar every much is and given Poseidon's behavior even in proper human history is not unfair to claim).

    Even then this is very clearly meant to be the Ea substitute to get around Ea not being in the Gate of Babylon that Ziusudra has. If you're going to give a limitation like Ziusudra not having Ea, why immediately give her something that basically is Ea's shtick, it's like cutting of an arm of a character as the cliffhanger of one chapter only to have a wizard immediately regrow it at the start of the next then never address it again. If you give someone something just as good as they lost or didn't have then what was the point in losing or not having it in the first place? And given that you give the Ark why have NP connected to the same feat and role, it's not like Ziusudra caused the flood, they merely survived it, so why give them an NP related to the flood and the ark? Reading through Rebirth of the Old woods I have no clue why this is even here, this is clearly a caster class skill or NP and really serves only to inflate the number of NPs Ziusudra has even more, when really it would have been better served just leaving it as only avialble in another class (given that you went and gave them 7 possible classes to be summoned in).


    As for the Arc of Shurupak the first immediate problem is that humans can't make divine constructs, like no way no how, Muramasa labeled 1 of the 2 greatest swordsmiths ever by EMIYA when not an alter ego fused with a bunch of other divine spirits to power him and presumably his smithing skills up died replicating a divine construct and that took all of the UBW to be used as material for it. Divine constructs are specifically that because the gods made them not humans. Really aside from that the ability to command the phantasmal species that would be onboard alongside the animals would be more than enough really. All the defensive armaments feels like fluff which isn't needed here and basically makes it a gate of Babylon for animals and beasts. Lastly, Nameshda-ke Ama-ru. I will be blunt, Get. Rid. Of. This. Ability. This doesn't work on so many levels, beyond the whole reason he ascended into a divine spirit is because they never entered the throne of heroes, that means they literally cannot be summoned; Thus, this whole sheet is pointless as they literally will never pop-up. Not being in the throne means for some reason you couldn't get in; You were removed from it at some point (possibly by your own actions) or considering the throne exists beyond time and space that you were not and never would become either famous or important enough to get in the throne either during or after your lifetime (as people can be recorded in the throne while still alive).

    Beyond that this just doesn't work as due to everything I mentioned this sheet is strong enough, giving them more NP, more abilities and such is really just unnecessary at this point. Really, I feel this would have been bettered served if you stopped asked "is this needed" and then left this ability on the cutting room floor as while interesting, it kinda comes off as overhyping your character (even more than you already have), and just bogs the sheet down with "oh and they can have even more NP under certain conditions". As I said before my Grand Rider can at any given time only have 3 useable NPs, just three, simple isn't always bad.





    {{Goodbye page 240 we hardly knew ye}}
    At first i must say after reading your Evaluation i get i had some issues in the profiles , as i made my own hypothesis in that the Flood that similar like other parts the mesopothamian Flood was the first one that affected other Worlds as i made the Theory that during the Age of Gods each world was similar like a Lostbelt in some Attributes and that Lostbelts are emulating that Worldspehre aspect . About Enuma elish it isnt a weapon like Gilgameshs ones or Ennkidu ,Ziusudras is more comparable with a Indian Astra as it was pased to Her by Enki . About the other parts i think i must Abit overthink it ,perhaps did i wanted to make it to great or large scaled then it should be. But aside that how do you find the from me found similariities with the other similarcharackters like Väinämöinen or Deucalion ? As there is a intersting similarity .

    Also beside could i ask you for some start tipps of some servant candidates Fortune ? i mean if you Arent to occupied i mean .
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; July 19th, 2021 at 02:12 PM.
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  7. #4807
    夜属 Nightkin NittyGritty's Avatar
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    Base Form

    1st Ascension

    Final Ascension

    Spiritron Dress: Happy Husband

    “Look on my works, ye partygoers, and rejoice!”


    The Undisputed Sun King of the Beach


    Class: Ruler
    Other Classes: Rider, Lancer
    Alignment: Chaotic Partier
    Origin: Historical Fact


    Height: 179 cm
    Weight: 65 kg


    Natural Enemy: Party poopers, the tide
    Attribute: Heaven
    Trait: Servant, Human, Beach Party King
    Armament: Shovel, Pale, Squirt Gun




    Parameters


    STR: D


    END: D


    AGI: C


    MANA: B


    LUCK: A


    NP: EX




    Class Skills

    Magic Resistance (B): It’d be a shame if some Magus trickery ruined our festivities.


    Divinity (B): Some might call me a King, others might call me a God. As far as the party is concerned, I am the idol of worship.


    True Name Discernment (B): The King of the Beach prides himself in knowing everybody at the party. Those not invited are just not noteworthy enough.


    (Sun) God’s Resolution (A): As Ruler of this beach I have the right and privilege to preside over all beach party activities. I get first shot at the limbo!



    Bond 1
    The 13th Century Pharaoh Ozymandias has manifested and claimed his rightful title as King of the Beach! His will is made manifest and he wills the other partygoers to eat, drink, frolic and be merry as they soak up his divine rays, roll in his hot sand and cool off in his inviting waters.



    Bond 2

    Source: Historical Fact
    Region: Ancient Egypt
    Gender: Male
    Likes: Fruity Drinks, Pineapples
    Dislikes: Sand in his food, sudden rain
    Talent: Building Sandcastles
    Catalyst: His wife’s necklace


    His claim is tenuous at best because he rarely participates in the competitions. He prefers to just sit on his “throne” (lifeguard chair) and judge people while being served alcoholic drinks.





    Bond 3
    Personal Skills
    Charisma of the Beach King (B): As the (self-appointed) King of the Beach he oversees all beach related activities and commands at least some respect from the attendees, ensuring they have a good time. He can be rather strict about beach rules, however, as he’ll shout at those who violate the rules from atop his lookout.


    Listen, when I say wait at least a half an hour before going into the water I MEAN IT!


    Lifeguard Privilege (A): Capable of acquiring skills related to lifeguard duty, including Swimming, Riding, CPR and First Aid. Most of these skills go to waste as he’s too busy partying.


    I’m sorry, who’s drowning? Edward Teach? Leave him. Pirates should be able to swim anyways.


    (Skin) Protection of the Sun God (A): By receiving divine protection from the Sun God Ra, he is guaranteed to never burn no matter how long he stays in the sun. This extends to his “followers” as well.


    Tans, tans for everybody!.



    Bond 4


    Ramesseum Sandyris
    ~The Great Sandcastle Complex~


    Type: Anti-Fortress
    Rank: EX
    Range: 1-99
    Max. Targets: 800


    Ozymandias greatest trump card in the Sandcastle Building Competition and undeniable proof of his Kingship (according to him anyways). The manifestation of his architectural vision, realised in the medium of sand, a most abundant material found on the beach. Through it Ozymandias expresses his glory as King of the Beach by building a Sandcastle so enormous and complex that it absorbs all the other sandcastles into it, thus letting him win by default through creating an ever shifting Sandcastle Complex that would otherwise not exist in reality.



    The Complex features a variety of blessings suited to ensure the beach party never ends, such as great dining halls that never run out of food, refrigerated sarcophagi that never run dry of alcoholic beverages and a “pacifying” blessing to ensure no violent acts ever occur on site protecting the sanctity of the party palace. However, those not on the guest list will have to contend with the party palace’s eternal guardians, the mighty Bouncer Sphinxes who have been trained to kick any would-be party crashers on sight.


    Those who gain Ozymandias’ favour will be granted admittance to the innermost VIP sections where untold pleasures await…


    Why would I build such a complex Sandcastle? I’ve got something big planned...



    Nerfertari
    ~The Jewel of the Nile~


    Type: Anti-Ruler
    Rank: EX
    Range: N/A
    Max. Targets: Only her lover


    Through sheer force of will, Ozymandias’ favorite wife, Nefertari, has manifested alongside him as an autonomous Noble Phantasm. She is technically a drain on Ozymandias’ available mana, resulting in his parameters being lower than what they normally would be. Ozymandias does not mind as he gets to spend a day at the beach with his beloved wife who he has missed dearly for thousands of years.


    This day won’t last forever, my beloved. But I promise you, we won’t waste a second of this opportunity.


    Oh, Ozymandias...



    Bond 5
    True Identity


    For the annual Chaldea Beach Party, Ozymandias has declared himself the King of the Beach. His justification is that he was once “a great ruler whose domain featured hot sand, palm trees and refreshing water”, designating the beach as part of his empire and therefore under his supervision. He has brushed up on “proper beach conduct” though he only ever enforces the rules to ruin the fun of others. Most of the time he’s satisfied with lounging, chatting, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, relaxing with his beloved wife and being overly judgmental towards the other beachgoers.


    By drawing on his status as a “great builder of architecture”, Ozymandias is unmatched in building Sandcastles. Every structure he builds is of the highest quality and structural fortitude and guaranteed to remain standing. At least until the tide comes in.



    Bond 6
    Quotes/Relationships


    “Greetings Master. Tis I, Ozymandias, the undisputed King of the Beach! Oh and this is my lovely wife, Nefertari.”
    “A pleasure to meet you!”


    “Who’s drowning now? Karna? Well the beach should only have one Sun God…”
    “Ozy, you promised to be nice.”
    “Ugh, fine.” (trudges off to go rescue Karna)


    (to Quetzalcoatl)
    “With your Lucha Libre you’re going to be a shoe-in for the tug-o-war. That’s why you’re on my team. Only the best for the Pharaoh.”


    (to Gilgamesh)
    “How about another round Gil ol’buddy?”


    (to Cleopatra/Iskandar)
    “Fellow Pharaoh, your reign might have paled in comparison to mine but you are still free to enjoy the pleasures laid out before you.”


    (to Swimsuit!Nitocris)
    “Huh...a bedsheet? To each their own I guess, but why deny the others the chance to look upon your radiance? No Pharaoh should feel ashamed of their body.”


    “Nefertari, everything that happened today has been leading up to this moment?”
    “What are you saying my dear king?”
    (Ozy produces a ring)
    “In the shadow of this newly built temple, which I erected in your honour, would you do me the honour of renewing our vows?”
    “A ring? Oh how modern of you. Of course I will Ozy!”
    (they embrace)


    (sees Moses)
    “...Hey. You ever miss Mom?...Yeah. Me too.”



    Bond 7


    Craft Essence
    Vows Renewed

    Once departed but now reborn, though only temporarily
    The lost lovers have renewed their promise and have given their souls to each other
    For an eternity more



    Author Notes
    Author Notes


    i’m not crying you’re crying



    Last edited by NittyGritty; July 19th, 2021 at 08:31 PM.

  8. #4808
    Blame Guilty Gear Strive because I cannot help but think the character just works


    "I KNOW I WILL WRITE MY NAME IN HISTORY BY MAKING THE BEST GUNS EVER!


    Name: Samuel Colt
    Class: Archer
    Origin: American History
    Alignment: True Neutral


    STR: D*
    END: C*
    AGI: B*
    MAG: E
    LCK: B


    *Fluctuates due to Noble Phantasm





    The man who revolutionized the combat of firearms via the invention of mass producible revolver, a bold man who from a young age was more interested in science and reputation than matters of religion or society, it was from the Compendium of Knowledge detailing Robert Fulton and gunpower that motivated him to build the 'impossible gun'. From there he stumbled many times but rose just as many possessing intellect, guile and charisma he used all the opportunities obtained to continue working for the sake of his dream. Such was his ambition that he would leave the soils of the United States for foreign lands and thus the 'Peacemaker' was born.


    Although he continued to stumble upon problems in his home country his revolver proved their place in the conflicts against indians. A weapon that killed men and horse alike swiftly for if a single shot missed more would follow soon and find their marks. From there on his projects and sales only escalated making him a world famous name for revolutionizing warfare, to the point that 'Colt' became placehold for 'revolver', for not only it was a symbol of the mighty of the United States but soon it became the very symbol of their superiority over all, weapons that would find themselves in the hands of all kinds of people, righteous, evil, officers, brigands. With the North American market dominated he soon began to instigate the European Arms race to gain further wealth, a famous episode is him selling firearms to Turkey and Russia by claiming the other have began buying weapons from himself.


    A man who firmly believed any form of advertisement and reputation was valid as long as it consisted of speaking about his revolvers as well, using his massive wealth he made use of any means to expand the reputation of his firearms, coincidentally inventing new ways of marketing. A trailblazer who from a young age set to invent the impossible gun and did so engraving himself in mankind's history and destroying the romance of war, no longer heroes bearing primitive weaponry would shine upon the battlefield. “God created men, Col. Colt made them equal,” no longer men would require a lifetime of training to become a soldier, now 'anyone' could do so. From an initial thought one would think he'd get along with futuristic idealistic types but that is far from the truth, upon reaching the top of the world he sought to keep it steady with an intense focus to the point he lost some opportunities and his willingness to sell his firearms to anyone, as long as its not problematic for him to sell, show a willingness to profit without much second thought about how his products shall be used, not that it isn't obvious, firearms exist to kill people and man will always kill man, thus an ever existing stable market and from his life story he is a man who enjoys showboating, presentations, dialogue. As a servant he will inevitably enjoy the 'DRAMA' in such a thing and with a perceptive gaze will move around masters and servants with surprisingly boldness, but a warrior he is not and despite the story of 'equalizing' men at the end of the day the usage of the weapon is dependent of the hands wielding it, and he realizes it more than anyone


    Skills

    Magic Resistance (D): One way or another his story destroyed mystery, be it by 'ruining' the battlefield or simply greatly aided the expansion against the Indians. As such he is granted some defense against it


    Golden Rule (B): One of the wealthiest men of the planet upon his time whose influence and money allowed him to directly negotiate with the leaders of foreign nations instead of doing it so via proxies, military officers or even the president themselves


    Charisma (C): Enough to influence a country's movements but not enough to be recognized in a official position of leadership. For a businessmen knowing when to showboat and to retreat from the stage is a basic necessity


    Innocent Monster (A): One who is a devil, one who provides the tools for mankind to advance. His work brought death at a large scale and he only sought to spread it further, in his own words he only worked with what was already in existence and this skill is the complaint of weaklings and fools stuck in the past. Man has brutally slaughtered each other for the most meager of reasons for ages, what would a new firearm change? A devil who furthered the annihilation of the natives by decades as such he receives their rage and curses tainting his body with nonhuman traits. In this case it has only brought benefits


    Item Creation (Firearms) (A+): Specialized in creating interchangeable parts for his revolvers and the creation of special bullets depending on provided material. Due to extensive knowledge in several sciences and a servant body he is able to figure out how to junction mystic codes into his armaments thus transforming them into part of his saint graph



    Noble Phantasm

    Grand Equalizer- Gunmen on a White Horse
    Anti-Unit (Self)
    Rank D
    By Colt's work and words no matter the differences between mankind as long as they hold a gun even the weakest of men could kill the strongest. A mere vagrant killing a president becomes 'possible', mass producible death in the hands of men. A passive noble phantasm that forcibly enhances the saint graph to a comparable match to the opposition before Archer. However he must be able to recognize the target as 'killable' for it to activate and he is unable to control it's mana cost as such by facing a strong opponent Archer's master will be obliged to pay a equal quantity of mana. In the form of archer it has been purposed as a enhancement style noble phantasm but in the Caster class it would become his factories to arm and enlist anyone


    "As long as they possess two arms, two legs and a somewhat sound mind the chance's there. We might just have to go through a hundred or thousands lives I suppose."


    Nonetheless he has no complaints as Archer. Taking place upon the grand stage, enjoying the spotlight, the boiling blood and exhilaration brought by fear and excitement is half of the reason he took this path

  9. #4809
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Top Notch Summer Servant, Nitty. All skills fit perfectly, a Summer Servant I can see in FGO by all means. My Super Saver will dislike him as an overpowered rival.

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
    My Stuff!
    And my
    other stuff!
    (includes an Extra Class Compendium, a small Formatting Guide and Mythological Reconstructions)



  10. #4810
    祖 Ancestor Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    soe new servants here i see and ist truly summer if the servants are appearing on the Beach , has someone noticed some Problems due to that there were a server move ? as i have still some minor problems ?

    and i have found also a picture of the true apperances of Ishtar take a look here


    Like can someone say me how Rins personality has influenced her actually and how actually the original personality is from Ishtar and Ereschkigal actually ?

    and has actually someone here made some pseudo servants from Soichirou Kuzuki ,Kirei ,Ilya ,Chloe or Miu ?
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  11. #4811
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    One who paints to depict his changing life
    and One who changed his life after being painted.
    One who feared life, yet welcomed every woe of it as part of it's beauty
    and One that feared death, welcomed beauty and feared it's loss as the woe of life.
    One who viewed death as a part of Life like the frame of a painting that enshrined it's beautiful colors
    and One who was like beautiful colors in a canvas and seeked to destroy the frame to extend it's beauty beyond it.
    One who valued human life and every aspect of it regardless if perfect or ugly
    and One, who saw no worth in imperfection and only valued beauty.

    Both are inheritely incompatible, but forced together to be be tools for an Evil God.
    An imperfect Vessel.
    Selfdestructive.
    Yet Selfpreserving.
    A pitiful Existence.


    < - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ✺ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >< - ⪻ - ⋘ - ⪡ - ⫷ -- ✺ -- ⫸ - ⪢ - ⋙ - ⪼ - >

    "When I wish to extend my Beauty outside the Canvas, I need the power of something beyond it's Frame."
    "No. The Frame is part of the Painting. It is the beginning and the end, it's foundation and limitations."
    "Don't you wish to live forever and be forever beautiful?"
    "No. Something only is complete and is when it has a beginning and an end. A life without death, a painting without frame, is neither true nor beautiful."
    "Eternal Beauty. That is what Humanity shall fight to achieve. I will deliver it, because I have it."
    "No. We already achieved it. From our rotting bodies flowers will grow and we are in them.
    That is eternity. That is beauty. The birth and loss of it.
    Something is not beautiful, because it lasts. It is beautiful, because it has a soul.
    You have lost your soul, you sold it.
    You have lost your end, you threw it away.
    You can never be beautiful."


    Foreigner of Dust and Angst
    - The Angel of Insanity -



    Class
    Foreigner
    Alternative Classes
    Lover | Avenger, Assassin, *******
    True Name
    Edvard Munch | Dorian Gray
    Aliases
    Origin
    Norway , Historical Fact | "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
    Height/Weight
    182cm/75kg
    Alignment
    Chaotic Evil
    Attribute
    Human, Phantom


    STR END AGI MAN LCK
    D C++ D C E

    Likes
    Art, quiet life, beach, his paintings, Selfies, VR painting | Art, beauty, fine wine, himself
    Dislikes
    attention, Dorian Gray | ugliness, old age, morals, Edvard Munch
    Talent
    painting | decadent living
    Natural Enemy
    Dorian Gray | Edvard Munch
    Armament
    brushes, dust | dagger
    Catalyst
    paintings of Munch's Anxiety Collection | "The Picture of Dorian Gray"




    Class Skills

    Territory Creation C+++
    Foreigner was not a Mage during life, but he can create a Painter's Workshop as his own refuge. Strong plus modifiers granted through his Noble Phantasm Aura of Decay. His very presence alone can qualify as his own Territory, with which he can gather Mana and Materials.

    Existence Outside the
    Domain
    Frame
    B
    Low Rank for a Foreigner of the 'Outer God' Type, but he is just a Phantom Fusion of someone who contacted an Aspect of an Outer God.

    Divinity D
    Low Rank, even in the cosmos there is a certain hierarchy of this that can not be measured.

    Unstable Core B
    An individual composite skill, unique for each owner. A skill that denotes unstable Servants, often Fusion-type or Pseudo-Servants. The Saint Graph and/or Mind of the owner is stressed, damaged, incomplete or is in threat of breaking for various other reasons.
    In Foreigner's case he has Mental Schism and Weak Constitution. Mental Schism denotes the times when Munch loses control and Gray takes control of Foreigner and changes his Alignment from Lawful to Chaotic. Due to being a Foreigner he is locked as Evil, instead of Neutral. Weak Constitution are his lifelong physical problems as well as his Melancholia, overwork, hallucinations and alcoholism. Those aspects are even strengthened through Self-Realized Monstrocity.

    "Death and it's Angel followed me since my birth. From my cradle as a boy to my death bed as an elder, it was always watching over me, waiting for me demise."

    Seeds of Madness (Insanity) C
    This skill is acquired through his Self-Realized Monstrocity Skill. It is in essence similar to the Foreigner Skill Insanity.
    Being born like that, imagining that the white Angel of Insanity and the Angels of sorrow and death followed him since the day of his birth, he converted his Mental Suffering into his own drive and muse for his art. Therefore he devoured Insanity itself.

    “My father was temperamental, nervous and obsessively religious – to the point of psychoneurosis. From him I inherited the Seeds of Madness."




    Personal Skills

    Soul Painting B
    A skill that denotes a special style of painting. Instead painting how the world is, the owner paints the world how he feels it and in turn emits this feeling back into it. What Soul Painting was then is called Expressionism today
    It grants Foreigner's paintings the feeling of 'Angst', a slight mental interference that grants creations of this manifestation a feeling of unease when looked at.

    Self-Realized Monstrocity EX
    If the
    Innocent Monster
    Seraphic Monstrocity
    Skill is the quality of a Servant whose true history and existence have been distorted by the monstrous reputations and gossips they accrued across the course of their life and thereafter, without concern for the actual person’s will or appearance, what would one call when such transformation comes from within? The illusion of abnormality in the owner's own mortal coil realized as a Skill.
    Foreigner has the EX rank, because the scale of his illusion was carried over in the Throne manifold. His vision of being followed by three angels and his Origin of [ Frame ] led to him being a magnet for shared manifestations. When summoned he will never be alone. He is an empty
    vessel
    frame
    that has to be filled by other Servants, Demons, Gods or other Entities.
    In this manifestation another effect is that he appears similar to his 'Selfportrait with Skeleton Arm' and has an arm that is just his bones. He covers it with a Mystic Code from Da Vinci that doubles as means to touch things without destroying them. Like in other of his works, his shadow seems unnaturally dark and sinister, as if something is lurking and observing him.

    Trouble with Women E / B
    A type of awareness that has been raised to a level of a curse.
    When Munch is in control the Rank is E, showing his actual problems with women, almost fearing them and fleeing from them.
    When at C Rank Dorian is in control and becomes a womanizer and can be charmed easily by them.




    Noble Phantasm

    Aura of Decay
    Presence of the Ultimate Corruption


    A continuously active Noble Phantasm of Foreigner. The vicinity around Foreigner is imposed with the concept of 'Decay' and experiences an unnatural and rapid process of deterioration. Plants wither, flesh rots, metal rusts and stone crumbles, it all returns to whence it came - dust.
    The usual active diameter around Foreigner is around 1.5 meters during combat, but outside it, through willpower Foreigner can reduce this effect down to his touch (this ability is not Munch's, but Gray's, therefore hard to control). Target with with low Magic Resistance experience a rapid aging process until they are just a pile of dust. Sometimes there aew small unidentifiable footprints can be found in them.
    Everything in that area could be considered his 'Territory'. Everything that decays in his vicinity is partly transformed into dust that he uses and Mana he consumes. This grants him a rank in Vampirism like a certain Fire Elemental. In his Territory not only physical aspects of the world decay, but also conceptual ones. His simple presence can damage the Territories of Casters and the coherence of Bounded Fields and Reality Marbles if exposed long enough and the output of his ability is increased.
    The Decay of things can even root itself in the human mind. Master's are tempted to misuse the powers of their Servants, while the Servants can start disobeying orders. Internal conflicts can rapidly evolve into a terrific power struggle. A decline if moral values and character.
    The area can be expanded, but that costs a lot of Mana, which is usually not sustainable enough even with the resupply of the materials in the targetted area. The materials/dust he gathered in that method is then his to command. He uses this dust to paint his works into the air, three dimensional paintings so to speak. He can color the wind to create a whole new landscape to 'set the mood' for combat or recreate persons one knows from his works like "Anxiety", "Golgotha" and "Evening on Karl Johan Street". He can also the dust in form of red Creepers, like in his painting 'Red Virginia Creeper' and entangle the targets with it. Together with his Soul Painting Skill, these Familiars are dreadful for opponents. He uses them for combat and espionage or as parts of his settings.
    Foreigner himself is part of the conceptual decay as well and experiences it in form of being made out of dust. Together with his Vampirism Effect he can recover from many lethal injuries if he can refill his body with dust again, expressed in form of a high rank in Battle Continuation. Foreigner is therefore hard to kill, but it comes with several downsides. His own decay is strong and he is in daily need of replenishment, else he scatters like ash in the wind. Wherever Foreigner goes, he leaves a trail of dust, a part of himself. While he hates to destroy things with his Aura, he needs to. During combat, while a powerful ability, the opponent just needs to cut of his supply by keeping him airborn or being in an area that is hard to decay. Because his body is made out of dust, most Elemental Attacks damage him badly.
    That which can not decay is his weakness. Most of the elemental and eternal structures that make up our natural world can not decayed. That is basically anything of the element of wind, water and fire. Lightning and fire can vitrify him into a glasslike substance, forcing him to shed parts of his body, especially dangerous are dust explosions. Water will slow him down and the decay of ice is for some reason hard to do. Wind will scatter him and prove difficult to control his dust and body. So Servants with Mana Burst Skills can be considered his natural enemy.

    Skrik
    The Scream
    End of a Corrupted Life




    "I was walking along a path with two friends. The sun was setting. I felt a breath of melancholy. Suddenly the sky turned blood-red. I stopped and leant against the railing, deathly tired, looking out across flaming clouds that hung like – blood and a sword over the deep blue fjord and town. My friends walked on – I stood there trembling with anxiety, and I felt a great, infinite scream pass through nature."

    Foreigner uses vast amounts of his dust and covers a wide area with it, transforming it to one of his paintings. The sky fills with blood red clouds, ominous dark blue dust fills the area like a sea and the opponent finds themself standing on a wooden bridge. In the distance people staring at them with big soulless eyes. As they look around they see a shadowy figure. As they come closer they see its a Doppelgänger of them, looking like a painting of Munch. Standing in front of them they lock eyes and the enemy can not break the gaze with their artistic double. The being of dust then distorts more and more, eyes falling into the skull and widening to the extreme, hands holding their face, mouth widening ready to let out an earshattering scream. The real opponent is inflicted with the feeling of severe Angst and existential dread. Before they can react they see how their body double stabs itself in the chest. Looking confused they notice that their chest is impaled by the same knife they moments ago saw in the being in front of them.
    The crystallization of the most famous picture of Munch and the end of Dorian Gray as a Noble Phantasm. "The Scream" is the representation of the Angst and Anxiety of the modern men. The enemy can not avoid the gaze with himself and feels the dread as he relives what Munch experiences on that fateful evening during sunset. Then they have to relive the demise of Dorian Gray. His corrupted life ended at his own arrogant hands. He stabbed the portrait that aged in his stead, that showed his sins instead of himself, the conduit of his youth and object of trust with the Outer God…and therefore killed himself. The act of stabbing oneself is reflected in the imitation of dust.

    The NP can only target one person at a time, still allies of the enemy can be partly distracted by the other dust imitations that Munch can summon. Because this Noble Phantasm represents an act similar to a 'suicide', this attack evades effects that nullify malicious attacks, similar how the bite of a Vampire counts as an act of kindness. Because the painting depicts a perceived 'scream of nature' this attack seems to be effective towards Divine Spirits, not in terms of damage, but as if the gods remember something...terrifying.
    The Strength of which the dagger pierces the chest is the same as Foreigner's STR Parameter.
    (In FGO the teammates of the target take on the role of the two persons in the background walking away from the screaming figure.)




    Quotes and Relationships

    Spoiler:
    "I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, Master. I will clean up the dirt that my ability produces whenever I can, please be not disappointed in me."

    Georgios:
    "The Christian Saint Georgios…I may not be religious like my father and dont follow his belief, but his presence brings my mind at peace still the same. He likes photography, I remember how it became popular, once I had an old camera too. I remember fondly the joy I had experimenting with it's modern uses. Playing with lighting, composition, exposition...I can say with confidence I explored it at the time to the full extend. But I will still say that photography will never match paint and brush. Not as long you can not bring the camera and heaven and hell."
    "Tssk. Good thing that man prefers to be behind the camera, his face should stay there."

    Female Servants:
    "Master...I know I usually avoid contact with them, but lately it seem it is the other way around. It seems like they finally noticed the depths of my darkness..."
    "Damn Vixen, all of them. They should be happy I looked at them and even talked to them. Ey you, summon a woman for me. Does not matter if she is useful for you and the oh so great cause. If I am done with her I can get rid of her."

    Clytie Van Gogh:
    "The greatest artist in the world, I learned so much from his works and was deeply inspired by it. It is the greatest honor for me to talk to her, even tho she is not the real master, at least not fully. We both painted a Starry Night, just few years apart, tho my picture cant hold a candle to this majestic picture of his…I wonder why they dislike it so much. Still, we want to meet again and paint each other, I truly cant wait to make this happen! Perhaps I paint my 'Bleeding Man and Sunflower' again, it was inspired by him."
    "Gogh is a better artist than this fool here, I admit. I enjoy his sunflowers, it has a different atmosphere than what that fool here produces. And I know what he did in that one particular painting. As if a mere tree can hide those things…"

    Sigmund Freud:
    "I had a talk with a fellow Foreigner Servant just now. Who would have thought that the famous Freud houses a foreign entity as well? Perhaps it is the time in which we lived in? Well I envy him that he gets along with his benefactor. Regardless, he offered help for my problem. He is aware of my…mental state during life and now. He is really kind, but I declined. You surely wonder why, it seems so absurd. You mentioned once that it is common to ask for help nowadays to prevent that one falls into a dark pit one can not escape from. I truly understand it, Master, I really do and would say this to others who suffer as well…but it is part of who I am. Without my pain I am just a boat without a rudder. Without it i wouldnt even be here, for better or worse. The problems I had were my creative drive, they are part of me and I want to keep them. I would not be Munch without the pain."
    "Fool, acts all high and mighty and tries to keep his desires hidden. Keep on doing it and you will find yourself on your own couch. Best way to get rid of such desires is experiencing them, suppressing them will destroy your soul. That is the only true way of clearing your mind and soul of desire, by satisfying it. Forget what all the monchs and priests utter in their arrogant gospels. Those hypocrites are not free of desires, they deny them. Their Enlightenment is the destruction of their own being. Neglection of yourself is spiritual suicide. Be who you are and be unapologetic about it."

    Jekyll/Hyde and Servants with their Alters:
    "That man can control his inner demon and can even decide when he let's it out? I envy him. Being able to separate one self from the evil inside you...and even encountering it like a mirror. I admit, I feel tempted. Being without the darkness in yourself...it may be a better life. Despite that, a picture of only bright colors is not always interesting. The dance of dark and light colors creates a life on it's on on the canvas. A dance without partner seems boring, doesn't it?"
    "Hahaha, wonderful, finally someone who acts like he wants. Too sad he is like a beast in a cage, both of them actually. And what is wrong with you Chaldeans denoting the "evil" versions of Servants as 'Alters'. If anything they are the true essence of their being, that which was neglected for too long."

    Child Servants:
    "I should do what? I have to recreate that thing in green color? What an odd form, is that from the Cubism Art Form? Okay here and now what? ...let it explode and say "Creeper...Oh maaan!"? I think I am too old for this stuff, but okay here I go...Creeper...oh maaaan..."

    "This VR painting program you gifted me is a real blessing, thank you so much Master! You may already know, but the art I create as a Servant is not a skill I had during life, far from it. Everything I try to create with dust is self taught and I guess original. I have yet to find who can paint the air with dust like i do. Still, it makes a mess and I dont want to bother people any more than I already do with my presence. So that program lets me train my skill and even better it lets me save it. Technology is ever advancing and so is art. Yes, I think this might be the closest to a perfect synergy between the brush and the camera. Master, I feel so excited. Please, let me paint your room!"

    "I always lived with hell besides and inside me. I expected to experience the punishment of blazing dark fire in hell for my sins . But I would have never expected my afterlife to be here. It feels like a blessing, yet my punishment is a constant pain in my Saint Graph. I relive my own sins and am too weak to prevent even worse to happen when I am not the lord of my own body. Maybe Gray isnt really another wraith that was fused into me, but another Persona of me that manifests as my personal Purgatory. Regardless of what is the case, I feel like the true evil person is me."

    "Yes, Master. I will not lie to you, with my ability I could indeed form weapons during a fight. Please do not request me to do so. As long as the Seeds of Madness inside me have not grown buds of bloodshed, I will not create blades. Please do not add another burden to myself, I beg of you. That is the only thing that makes me different from him.

    "I once wrote
    "Human fates are like planets
    Like a star that emerges from the dark –
    and meets another star –
    shines for a second before disappearing again
    into the dark"

    Never would I have thought that a being of the Stars connects me with this dreadful fate of somebody like him. Will it be the last?"


    "Ah you…"Master". You may wonder why the only time you see me really smile is when I look in the mirror. You may say I am a second coming of Narcissus, I will not blame you, it is true.
    Say, can you look in the mirror without seeing your own ugliness? I can, can you?
    I know you despise me and I despise you and you want the weak and ugly painter back. But still, despite knowing who is in control right now, you still come to me to talk. You cant help it, can you? You will always be fond of me somehow. I represent all the sins you never had the courage to commit, as I am the Immoral One. And who are the immoral Ones except the people who show the world it's own shame? You dont hate me for my acts. You envy me for my freedom.
    And please, Master, see the differences! That painter lived his life in hell! You can see his suffering, a 'moral upringing' by his stout Christian Father, trying to be a good person and being rewarded with the loss of life of who he loved and a decline in his own health and soul. And me? I lived life to the fullest, I enjoyed the beauty of women and the extravagance of my time. If you want an example of an 'immoral life' look no further than mine! And look at me, I am perfect! I lived in heaven! So what do you see in the mirror, Master? And what would you wish to see?"

    "So there is a whole franchise of horror slasher movies inspired by one of his paintings? Consider me interested..."







    Lore and Background

    General Concepts

    The Decadent Movement was a late-19th-century artistic and literary movement, centered in Western Europe, that followed an aesthetic ideology of excess and artificiality. The visual artist Félicien Rops's body of work and Joris-Karl Huysmans's novel Against Nature (1884) (Also known as 'The Yellow Book' and references in 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray' ) are considered the prime examples of the decadent movement. It first flourished in France and then spread throughout Europe and to the United States. The movement was characterized by self-disgust, sickness at the world, general skepticism, delight in perversion, and employment of crude humor and a belief in the superiority of human creativity over logic and the natural world. Central to the decadent movement was the view that art is totally opposed to nature in the sense both of biological nature and of the standard, or "natural", norms of morality and sexual behaviour.
    Or in other words: Their sense of Bea̷͓̞͘uty̵̜͑ was distorted.

    IRL Interpretations:

    Edvard Munch (12 December 1863 – 23 January 1944) was a Norwegian painter. His best known work, The Scream, has become one of the most iconic images of world art.
    His childhood was overshadowed by illness, bereavement and the dread of inheriting a mental condition that ran in the family, saying that he inherited the Seeds of Madness from his father, since birth he felt as death is constantly approaching and the Angels of Insanity, Sorrow and Death stand beside him. Studying at the Royal School of Art and Design in Kristiania (today's Oslo), Munch began to live a bohemian life under the influence of a nihilist, who urged him to paint his own emotional and psychological state ('soul painting'). From this emerged his distinctive style.
    Travel brought new influences and outlets. In Paris, he learned much from Paul Gauguin, Vincent van Gogh and Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, especially their use of color. In Berlin, he met Swedish dramatist August Strindberg, whom he painted, as he embarked on his major canon The Frieze of Life, depicting a series of deeply-felt themes such as love, anxiety, jealousy and betrayal, steeped in atmosphere.
    The Scream was conceived in Kristiania/Oslo. According to Munch, he was out walking at sunset, when he 'heard the enormous, infinite scream of nature'. The painting's agonized face is widely identified with the angst of the modern person.
    As his fame and wealth grew, his emotional state remained insecure. He briefly considered marriage, but could not commit himself. A breakdown in 1908 forced him to give up heavy drinking, and he was cheered by his increasing acceptance by the people of Kristiania and exposure in the city's museums. His later years were spent working in peace and privacy. Although his works were banned in Nazi Germany, most of them survived World War II, securing him a legacy.

    Dorian Gray
    It is the late 19th century, a beautiful summer day in Victorian England. A young man sits still to get painted by an artist who was inspired by the youths beauty. They catched the attention of a rich man named Lord Henry and the muse of the painter listens to his hedonistic world view, changing his life forever. The lord described how only beauty holds meaning and is worth the pursuit. The poisonous words of someone influenced by the Decadent Movement of that time prompted the young muse, named Dorian Gray, to wish to sell his soul so the painting of his ages in his stead. The story of the next 18 years is described by Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray.
    Dorian then lived on, living a life of decadence, depravity and excess. After years he grew bored of it and decided to change for the better to live a virtous life. He went to see his ever distorting picture like so often, curious if it became less hideous by his good change recently. He only saw how the man just looked more cunning. He realized that he lost all self. Not even what he thinks were acts of his own kindness were just acts of curiousity to fulfill his selfish desire of experiences. Disgusted by his personality and life he tried to destroy the evidence - the picture. He took the knife with which he killed his own friend prior and stabbed the chest of the man in the painting. It is said a last scream was heard. When people entered the room they found a person with a knife in his heart. At first it was unclear who that person, a shriveled up old man could be, but he was identified to be Dorian Gray by the rings on his fingers.

    Quachil Uttaus
    Quachil Uttaus is a creation of Clark Ashton Smith in his short story "The Treader of Dust" from 1935.
    It is a Great Old One can reduce all living tissue he comes into contact with to dust. Quachil Uttaus is usually associated with age, death, and decay. Summoning this god is considered lethal, if one even subconsciously entertains thoughts of suicide.
    It is noted for the acceleration of time that occurs in its presence. Appears as a mummified humanoid with withered, bone-thin arms and unnatural, ever-grasping hands. Also known as "The Ultimate Corruption". He gained his title as "The Treader of Dust" from the unidentified footprints that were found on the heaps of dust that once were people who summoned him. It is said he can grant eternal life.

    Nasuverse Interpretation:

    Certain events were not portrayed in "The Portrait of Dorian Gray". Oscar Wilde, seemingly influenced by the [RED̴̩̑̾ACTE̴͙̅͑D] itself, did not describe or perhaps did not know why the painting aged in Dorians stead. The truth is Lord Henry decided to mold the young mans mind and convert him to his cult. One night the lord brought Dorian to a certain place and in it veiled people performed a queer ritual. From a foreign golden rune came forth a small being, not bigger than a small child, but full of wrinkles, bereft of hair and impossible thin neck, legs and arms. Some of the people seemingly fainted and rumour has it after the ceremony some looked 20 years older. The demon that was summoned was looking for a new vessel of his power. The being has the power to bestow never ending beauty by eternal youth and life to one person, but only one if they value their contract. It searched for a soul with a wish for eternal life, despising death and decay. The wrinkled abomination saw into Dorians freshly influenced and naive soul and found not even the slightest wish for death or imperfection. He was the perfect beneficiary of the Outer God and granted the young Gray his wish and let his own painting absorb all the decay and sins of him.
    After years of living a corrupted life, he grew comfortable with his gift granted by the Outer God, forgetting it's true meaning and value. When in rage he dared to raise his hand against the painting, he ignored a warning in his head, deaf from his childish rage. With his sinful dagger he pierced the chest of the demonic man in the picture, but only hit himself. He screamed in pain and suddenly sees the wrinkled being in front of him. The Outer God took this act of aggression against his gift as not valuing their pact anymore and removed it manifold. Even before hitting the ground and succumbing to the stab wound, Dorian Gray died of old age.




    Craft Essence

    Spoiler:
    Exploring Angst

    "Of course I can explain you my works, Master, but...it is both a joy and terror for me. These works always remember me of all those emotions that haunted me during life.
    Master, I once had an affair, please do not let me get into that part of my life...I split it of from me entirely. But I once met her in Oslo, this painting shows what I felt waiting for her.
    Evening on Karl-Johan-Street (1892)

    I knew it was wrong and I was nervous. All what my religious father taught me how to live my life repeated in my head, how could I turn towards a married woman? It was as if every person on the street knew and judged me. Years later the shame followed me still. It was more than that, I had a nervous breakdown and was put inside a Sanatorium. They fed me only what was good more me, a strong diet, and then all these electric shocks...in my stay there I painted this.
    Golgotha (1900)

    As if people and religion itself persecuted me for my sins. Suffering is what I lived for.
    It felt so personal and unfair. Why did they target me? There was so much...wrong in this world, the people are blind to what happens to the world. I tried to depict it in this work.
    Red Virginia Creeper (1898-1900)

    This man there looks at me, and each gaze hits my heart, but is ignoring what happens behind him! Does he not realize? How gruesome these plants are? Like the pulsating flesh of the house it hangs out in the wind. The creepers are like bloodied vines, sucking the life out of your home, your shell. That is what life felt to me. Life being sucked out by the world, women and sickness.
    I guess you will know at least one version of my work here. It was a horrible feeling that evening. I was the only one who felt it that day. Something happened, as if the world awoke from a nightmare and screamed like a scared child. But perhaps something happened to me. I just never want to experience it again.
    The Scream (1893)

    The Scream (1910)

    The last stop is this one.
    Anxiety (1894)

    The same setting as my picture of The Scream and the same people of The Street. I once titled it 'Insane Mood', then 'Red Clouds' and then 'Anxiety'. What I wanted to depict? I...do not know for sure. But perhaps a dark and sinister part inside me wanted to let the people who made me suffer by just looking...suffer just like I did. Perhaps I hoped they would feel what I felt that fateful evening. They did not, they never did and probably never will be. I alone carry my suffering and they only wonder."




    Editor's Notes:
    Another Remake, but it was needed. It is strange how fond I am of my first sheets. What turned out first to be just a mix n match of who I wanted to make and what I wanted to make (Munch & Foreigner) turned into a kinda bigger project in the end. And few weeks after my release the concept of 'becoming a Foreigner by having their Saint Graph manipulated by an Outer God' kinda became true with Gogh. Combined with another thing I think I could finally fill a hole in the Lore Background I made for myself regarding some Foreign Entities. Let's see where I can develop this.


    - - - Updated - - -

    this actually concludes my Summer Project
    idk perhaps i get ideas for more summer servants, but that was what i planned to do, reworks of my oldest sheets and summer versions of them
    Last edited by DelRey; August 26th, 2021 at 11:02 AM. Reason: added link to his Alt

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
    My Stuff!
    And my
    other stuff!
    (includes an Extra Class Compendium, a small Formatting Guide and Mythological Reconstructions)



  12. #4812
    祖 Ancestor Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    again a well made Forreigner servant Delrey i would give you the title of King of Forreigner servants ! Also one Question haveyou some good general hints for Forreigner servants actually ?
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  13. #4813
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    thx
    my general advise is to start from the outer god and then find a fitting person. It is easier that way. Finding a certain concept for a Servant and then fit an Outer God in is pretty hard, especially if you never entered this rabbit hole before. It can work, NMR-3's recent Li Bai and BnEl15's Contest Winner Tanzler started with the Servant and then came the god, but their magic is to not really rely on that outer gods power too much.
    another point: you make two Servants in one. Do not make a Cthulhu or Hastur sheet that is only in name Servant XY, show why they are connected and how. The Servant gains additional powers from the Outer God, not all their skills. The Servant itself has to be interesting first and foremost. The name of the Outer God is not even necessarily needed. Lady Vanatos' Dec Foreigner and WF's Tarrare are written without conclusion if or with what they are connected, but the atmosphere is right to be a Foreigner and makes them especially memorable because of that.

    Else when someone wants to make a Foreigner but are unsure about what the outer entity may be, i always offer help and can suggest which beings might fit. Just because I know how long it can take to find the fitting demon in space.

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
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  14. #4814
    A.K.A. Rick, apparently realcasually's Avatar
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    "So... You think you’ve got what it takes to be my Master, huh? In that case... Servant, Saber. You can call me Sir Kay. Now: I heard that sister of mine was here...”



    Class: Saber
    True Name: Sir Kay
    Alternate Classes: Rider, Assassin
    Gender: Male
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Origin: Arthurian Myth
    Attribute: Earth
    Traits: Brynhildr's Beloved, Earth or Sky, Humanoid, Male, Riding, Round Table Knight, Servant, Weak to Enuma Elish

    Parameters:

    STR: B

    END: A+

    AGI: B

    MGI: C

    LCK: B

    NP: B


    Lore:

    Kay is the son of Sir Ector and foster brother of Artoria, who later became known as King Arthur.

    Hampered by the fact she was a female and therefore could never take the throne by ordinary means, the wizard Merlin entrusted a child Artoria to Sir Ector so that she might undergo training as a knight, a single step towards her inevitable fate as king. It was no small upset to Kay’s life to have a young girl thrust into his family, and on top of that to be told to treat her as his younger brother. Though Kay believed nobody could possibly be stupid enough to fall for the deception, he was nonetheless sworn to secrecy and would never reveal the truth, even on his deathbed. In a way, he himself would come to fall for the lies he told himself-- because as much as he would treat “the wart” as a burden on him, the two would grow as close as any blood siblings would be.

    Kay and Ector would have Artoria act as their squire-- carrying weapons, getting supplies, and other such befitting duties. In exchange for service, they would train her in the ways of a knight. Often the siblings would spar with wooden swords. It became rather apparent that such things were second nature to her, because never once did she fall-- though given Kay’s constant technicalities (“You’ve lost, since you threw away your sheath!” “Throwing your sword like that is an instant disqualification!” “This doesn’t count, since I’m still alive!”) she could never really claim to have won, either.

    Kay did not personally witness Artoria’s drawing of the Sword of Selection, Caliburn, though he was scarcely surprised to hear of it. In that moment, Kay knew that a path of turmoil laid itself before the young king... but though he cared for her, he carried some resentment for what he saw as her very being slighting him, casting the shadow of her prophesied destiny over everything he ever wanted to achieve by his own merit. And so, Kay said nothing, his disillusionment stilling his tongue from warning, but his loyalty bidding him to follow her along with Merlin (a frequent recipient of Kay’s enraged tongue-lashings) on her quest to become the rightful King of Britain. Eleven trials they would face along the way, and a noble band of gallant knights they would gather, but at the end of the road Artoria Pendragon stood, King of Camelot and leader of the Knights of the Round Table, with her first companion, her elder brother Kay, by her side as was destined to be.

    Ten years of peace reigned after Artoria slew Vortigern, during which Kay saw fit to occupy the position of Camelot’s treasurer. But Kay had never managed to teach Artoria all of his wisdom, especially when it came to the hearts of maidens. He was one of the first to see the powder keg that her failing marriage to Guinevere, that woman’s budding affair with Lancelot, and Mordred’s gradually growing uprising had all become.

    Once again, though, the knight Sir Kay held his tongue. This time, though, his silence did not come from resentment, but from the knowledge that there was little he could do to prevent the coming storm. He did not need Merlin’s clairvoyance to tell the ending of this story, and in that moment a choice was made.

    Sir Kay did not attend the Battle of Camlann. He left Camelot for unexplored lands, taking his fortunes and his blade in search of the glory that had been denied him all his life in his sister’s shadow. Many considered it an act of cowardice, shocked that he would abandon his family in her hour of need... but that was why Kay left. Not because he was unwilling to die for a noble cause... but because he was unwilling to watch his sister do the same.

    Sir Kay’s legend ends in obscurity after his departure for parts unknown. Perhaps it is a fitting punishment for his desertion that whatever fame he may have sought to find go unrecorded by the annals of history. Perhaps even he may consider this penance.

    Description:
    Like the rest of the Knights of the Round, Kay was considered the most noble, chivalrous, skilled and fearsome of knights in all Britain. That being said, things like ‘honour’ and ‘code’ were always seen by Kay as... loose guidelines rather than strict rules. Of all the knights of the realm, he is the most likely to do absolutely anything necessary to secure a victory... and then criticise everybody around him for doing exactly the same thing. Nor was he above using his position as one of the legendary knights to impress women... although unlike some of his comrades, he had the foresight to avoid the taken ones.

    All of this would make him a hypocrite if it weren’t for his positively legendary skill in the art of debate, a weapon he wielded more ferociously than his own sword. In his whole life, nobody could claim to ever have bested him in a duel of words. Indeed, some considered him one of the sharpest in mind amongst the Knights, and Artoria found his earnest advice on matters of governance and especially financial affairs to be invaluable. Not a single shilling was wasted when Kay took charge of the funding for their many war campaigns during the battles to claim the British Isles, and the King was known to say “Wit such as my brother’s is required to rule a country.”

    That being said, it was not true to say that Kay was nothing but a scoundrel. Though certainly the most cynical about their cause, only once did he fail to raise his sword in constant defense of his sister, to cut a path forwards towards the future she reached out to, and that sole failure is a blemish the man himself regrets eternally. His heart, though stained by a selfish streak and a little too enamoured of vice, nevertheless glimmers with the noble spirit of a man who pledges himself to his country and king, and above all else beats with determination never again to fail in the defense of an innocent life.

    Still... his feelings towards his sister are complex. He loves her, truly and without hesitation, even if he will outwardly deny this. But he finds her conviction to ‘be king’ a sickening affair. After all, it was always going to be a path that led to her ruin. How could she throw away her own happiness for the sake of those who could never understand her? Even in his loyalty, his burden is heavy, to know that what he strives for is tragedy.

    Perhaps this time, though... things could be different. Perhaps this second chance may not just be a chance for him to redeem his sins, but for brother and sister to fight alongside each other in pursuit of a new dream.

    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance
    Rank:
    B
    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. At this rank, cancels spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.

    Increases own debuff resistance by 17.5%.


    Riding
    Rank:
    B
    A Class Skill of Rider and Saber class Servants, denoting the ability to ride mounts and vehicles. At this rank, most vehicles and animals can be handled with above average skill, even vehicles that did not exist in the time period one was alive in, for they are no exception. However, cannot ride the likes of Phantasmal Species such as Monstrous Beasts.

    Increases own Quick performance by 8%.

    Personal Skills:

    Mana Burst (Flame)
    Rank:
    B
    Mana Burst is the increase in performance caused by infusing one's weapons and body with Magical Energy and instantly expelling it. Simply put, recreating the effect of a jet burst by expending large amounts of Magical Energy. This is a version of Mana Burst that infuses weapons with Magical Energy that imparts a flame effect. It is said that Sir Kay could radiate supernatural heat from his hands... though it’s possible this legend comes from the properties of the Gwrnach blade.

    Increases own Buster performance for 1 turn.
    Increases own NP damage for 1 turn.



    Orator
    Rank:
    A
    Kay never once in his life truly lost an argument (depending on your definition of “lose”, usually employing such tactics as an overwhelming amount of shifting the goalposts, relying on technicalities, and sheer overwhelming belligerence). Even those who were arguably correct never felt as such after crossing words with him, and rumours say he could turn fire dragons right back from whence they came with just heated words. It’s also highly possible that many of these outlandish rumours about Sir Kay, such as his ability to grow as tall as the tallest tree in the forest, were the result of his honeyed tongue working in extreme overtime. Either way, the truth that Kay is the most skilled in debate of all the Knights of the Round is an undeniable one.

    Reduce all enemies’ attack for 3 turns.
    Reduce their defense against critical damage for 1 turn.
    Gain Critical Stars.


    Nine Days And Nine Nights
    Rank:
    EX
    When Kay was born it was prophesied that no one would be able to brave fire or water like him. This manifests itself in a variety of supernatural abilities, including those contained within Mana Burst (Flame) above, and the ability to go nine days and nine nights without the need to breathe or to sleep. This boost to his stamina provides a positive modifier to his Endurance parameter and makes for a useful tactical advantage. Kay isn’t above using his legendary lung capacity to play dead and wait for a more opportune moment to strike.

    [i]Grants self Guts status for 3 times, 3 turns.
    Grants self Debuff Immunity for 3 times, 3 turns.
    Increases own Max HP for 3 turns.[i]

    Noble Phantasm:
    Gwrnach
    Burning Sword of Giant Plunder


    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: B
    Range: 1~50
    Targets: 1-20 people
    Description:
    Kay and Bedivere, also in the companionship of a young boy named Goreu, once journeyed to the castle of a giant named Gwrnach. As usual, it was Kay’s silver tongue that granted them entrance, claiming to be a burnisher of swords. As it so happened, the giant was in need of such a service, and handed his sword to Kay to polish it. Kay claimed that the giant’s scabbard was causing the rusting problem, and upon being given both the blade and scabbard, proceeded to behead Gwrnach in one strike.

    Kay carried the sword with him through the rest of his battles, and it acts as his Noble Phantasm in the Saber class. The sword possesses several qualities that makes Kay a fearsome contender in combat-- most mundanely being its sheer size. As it was intended for a giant’s use, the sword is enormous. Colloquially and appropriately for its attribute designation in a certain mobile game, some might consider it to be equivalent to a “Buster sword”. Whatever that means. It is just small enough for a man to be able to lift, and Kay, being of great strength, can swing it to great effect-- and with a surprising amount of technique for such an unwieldy weapon.

    Additionally, the blade does possess magical properties. Kay can channel his mana through the blade to bring it alight with powerful flames that cling to the target of his attacks. These flames cannot be dispelled by normal means, and the burns they leave are effectively permanent: a curse that functions through burning a target’s very existence in the world, leaving their damaged state to be considered “default” by any attempts at magical healing.

    Suffice to say, if left unchecked, this means that Kay is undefeatable in a battle of attrition. To defeat him, grand and decisive strikes must end the battle swiftly. Kay may wield a magical weapon, but this does not mean he can hold up to one who has trained extensively with a powerful Noble Phantasm on the level of Excalibur, Arondight or Galantine. Kay’s battle style means achieving this swift victory may be difficult, though, combining powerful crushing blows with a surprising arsenal of dirty tricks that catch those expecting a fair fight from the knight off guard. It is this fearsome adaptability that earns him his place amongst the Knights of the Round-- those considered the ‘cream of the crop’ of all Servants.

    Deal damage to one enemy.
    Decrease their Max HP for 3 turns. <Overcharge>
    Inflict Burn with 1000 damage for 5 turns to them.

    Relationships:

    Artoria:
    “...My king. No... Sister. I wanted to say I’m... No. It’s nothing. What are you gawking at?! If you’ve got time to stand around and ask dunderheaded questions, you’ve time to show me how rusty you’ve gotten in all this time! Let’s see if you can hold a candle to MY skill without relying on that ridiculous holy crutch of yours!”

    Artoria Lily:
    “Ah... that’s the wart I remember. Despite what a pain she was to me, I can’t help but feel... Hey! Brat! Why are you running away with an expression like that?! Come back here-- I’ll teach you to show a little respect to your brother!”

    Artoria Alter:
    “No sister of mine would turn out to be a tyrant king like the bastard Vortigern-- no version of myself could allow that. I don’t care what face it wears, I won’t call that the King of Knights.”

    Artoria Lancer:
    “...Years I keep it a secret, and then you go and do-- this. I hope it’s worth it. Being all grown up doesn’t mean I won’t still give you what you deserve, you brat!”

    Artoria Lancer Alter:
    “Wh— No! Enough! This is getting bloody absurd!!”

    Artoria Archer:
    “—PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!”

    Artoria Caster:
    “MERLIIIIIN!!!”

    Merlin:
    “That bastard wizard! If he’s showing his face around here, it means something’s bound to go wrong and I’m to be caught in it again! I don’t care what magic you’ve got at your fingertips, you two-faced layabout, I’ll beat you about the head with that staff--!”

    Mordred:
    “Aah... my brat nephew, then, is it? Hmm? Surprised I called him that? Well, I may be stubborn, but I’m not so set in my ways as the wart to deny what’s in front of me. Doesn’t mean I have to like it... but then again. Raising his sword as a traitor, against his king, without honour... at least he stood and fought for something. I... Hey! Don’t think you can get away with standing there shamelessly! You’ve got as much to answer for as your dullard parents! I’ll shake some sense into you, whelp!”

    Lancelot (Saber):
    “Ah, Lancelot. Finest knight at all the Round Table. My ass. Anyone can be a ‘fine knight’ when they’ve got fairy blessings and legendary swords and magical gifts coming out of their ears! I bet if you fought me without any of THOSE you wouldn’t last a minute! --And furthermore, it’s all well and good to enjoy the company of fair maidens, but I’ve told you a thousand times other mens’ wives only lead to trouble!”

    Lancelot (Berserker):
    “Oh, Knight of the Lake... I understand all too well how you feel. But you’re better than this. You can’t claim to be better than ME and stoop to THIS, can you? Regardless... I can’t let you lay a finger on my sister. You know that in there, don’t you? Very well. Let’s have that scrap after all, then...”

    Bedivere:
    “It’s Sir Bedivere... You, who was never the greatest swordsman, nor huntsman, nor the most skilled on horseback. Despite all that... it was you who was with her at the end. For that... you’ll have my eternal gratitude, Bedivere. Tell anyone I said that and I’ll knock your block off.”

    Gawain:
    “I’m standing before you holding a plate in my hand, Gawain. If I look down at it and see mashed potatoes on it, I’m going to jump over this table and throttle you. Do we both understand this? Good. Now. What’s for lunch?”

    [The following brawl lasted several hours and involved most of Chaldea’s contracted Servants and some employees.]


    Tristan:
    “I don’t even care if they’re the truest words you’ve ever said, Tristan. If you EVER speak to my sister like that again I will take that bow, break it across your oblivious face and garotte you with the damn thing. Am I PERFECTLY clear?”

    Gareth:
    “Gareth of the Beautiful Hands... That incident just goes to show that nothing gets past me, doesn’t it? Ha! ...wait, what are you hiding behind your back. A picture book? Where did you-- ...”

    Agravain:
    “I don’t care if you served her faithfully till the day you dropped dead. There’s absolutely nothing within your power you can make me do to like you beyond being obligated not to let you get impaled on the battlefield as a fellow knight. Am I clear? Then I will do my job and you do yours. Over there. Away from me.”

    Gaheris:
    “So... Sir Gaheris, hmm? It’s... good to see you... well as ever? Yes. I’m... going to go do something else now. (As fine a brother-in-arms as any of the Knights, and I’d have him at my back any day, but... God, that one creeps me out.)”

    Dagonet:
    “Why-- Dagonet, you merry fool! I daresay I haven’t been as amused in years as I was by that entire affair with Lancelot! Eh? Brunor? Well... Maybe I’ll leave the japing to you. But if I find out I’m the one you’re making jest of, you know what’ll happen...”

    Guinevere:
    “Oh, my queen... what a sorry affair we found ourselves all tangled up in. You can’t blame yourself for all of it. She never understood matters of the heart, regardless of her innocent intent... Come, now. I’m hardly out to court you after seeing the disaster THAT leads to, I’m not as thick as Lancelot, but pick yourself up, will you? To cry like that isn’t befitting a woman of your status, my queen. Of course, that is still what you are.”

    EMIYA:
    *polishing his sword intently* “So what are your intentions towards my sister?”

    Max Bond Craft Essence:



    One rainy day when the two of them were but children, Artoria found herself fallen quite ill. Their mother had to attend to business in town, so Kay was left alone to look after the sister who had been unceremoniously thrust upon him.

    “It would be troublesome for me if you were to die now,” he explained to her. “So I’ll make you this deal: I’ll do anything you want today if you hurry up and get better so I don’t have to waste all week looking after your snivelling behind.”

    Artoria, who knew well the way her brother wove words by now, assured him nothing was needed, but he insisted. Seeing that he wouldn’t give it up, and feeling touched by the poorly disguised care he held for her, she asked for but one thing. “I want to dream of a lion, running across plains,” she asked him.

    Kay accepted, and spirited himself away to return later in the day with a small wooden lion carving he had made himself to sit by her beside. They were both aware that it was an abysmal attempt, as he had never practiced woodworking before. Artoria was unsure if it was meant to be a dog or a cat before he explained it to her. Nonetheless Artoria saw that noble vision she had wished for in her dream that night.

    “Are you joking?!” Kay exclaimed in a huff. “It was supposed to look terrible so you wouldn’t scare yourself by dreaming up such a ferocious beast in the first place!”

    It was one of the few occasions the siblings shared an earnest laugh.

    Whenever the burden of the crown grew heavy upon the King’s head, it is said that King would place a wooden carving of indeterminable make upon the royal bedside. Not one of the Knights nor a single head amongst the castle staff ever knew its origin.

    And if they did, they knew better than to say so.

    When equipped on Sir Kay, increases party's attack and NP damage by 10% while he is on the field.




    CREATOR'S NOTES

    I don't have a lot to say about this guy, honestly, besides he was my first kinda-Fanservant ever (based on the Case Files version, though he pretty quickly evolved) and that I'm SURE someone's gonna yell at me again for forgetting someone in the relationships section again. Just happy to have finally finished him to share with everyone. Hope you like. And I'm sure I'll change my mind about the music eventually, lmao.
    Last edited by realcasually; July 23rd, 2021 at 02:08 AM.

  15. #4815
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    cool sheet as always. Arthurian Servants are still the meta here. I like how you crafted the character and the CE in the end is memorable

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
    My Stuff!
    And my
    other stuff!
    (includes an Extra Class Compendium, a small Formatting Guide and Mythological Reconstructions)



  16. #4816
    A.K.A. Rick, apparently realcasually's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    cool sheet as always. Arthurian Servants are still the meta here. I like how you crafted the character and the CE in the end is memorable
    Thank you! I can't take credit for all of it-- much like Guinevere, his backstory and personality are just what's on the wiki, but rewritten in my own words. The Craft Essence is canon, too, I just added the fiction around it-- and that last part is all me. Gwrnach is entirely my own invention, though.

    Now... to start on his summer version.

  17. #4817
    祖 Ancestor Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    cool sheet as always. Arthurian Servants are still the meta here. I like how you crafted the character and the CE in the end is memorable
    Nasu or others make Britain Servants.

    British servant Lounge : *has increasing members*


    literally the rest of the other World Heroes \/


    thats my feeling currently about the Regional servant communities although our Brasilian Friends are working on their part on that problem .
    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  18. #4818
    You Are Going to Brazil Wyvern's Avatar
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    Princess of the Seven Monsters

    “Pan Human History is dead. The Earth lay frozen and motionless beneath our feet. Now, children, is the time to fight, now is the time to build the Paradise which we have dreamt of. With this Tree of Emptiness, we shall spread our roots throughout the world and create a world where we rule.”

    Profile
    Class
    Other Classes
    Allignment
    Lover
    Rider / Berserker
    Neutral Evil
    Height / Weight
    Region
    Source
    1.7m / 75kg
    Brazil
    Mythology
    Likes

    “My type? A stubborn man who knows what he will and won’t compromise. A true devil who will oppose the world and claim what he wishes. Good? Evil? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

    Dislikes

    “My relatives. They condemn my choice as Evil, slay my children as Monsters. They never gave us a choice to be anything but what we are. So that is what we shall be. They will either accept us, or collapse with the remnants of Proper Human History.”

    Parameters
    Strength: B
    Agility: B
    Endurance: B
    Mana: B
    Luck: E
    Noble Phantasm: ?
    Command Cards
    Background

    “They say I was taken by force? How stupid can you be. I am a Primordial Human, a child of the Sacred Trees. Even Taú knew not to court death. Rather, you could say I left willingly after witnessing his battle for seven days and seven nights. My family just happened to disagree with it.”


    A third generation Primordial Human, Kerana was born to the Generous Chieftain Marangatu. A young woman of great beauty and power, who was completely uninterested in the world around her. For how could she be interested in a world where nothing changed and she stood at the peak.

    It could be said that Kerana saw the peaceful world her people lived in as flawed in its perfection.

    What place was there for her in a world where all parts were already filled by the cast.

    She would have remained as she was, a simple ornament, a testament to the perfect world built by her family underneath the branches of the Guajupiá, the Sacred Tree of Paradise. Where no ill or evil could exist and the bounty of the land overflowed towards her peaceful tribe.

    And Kerana hated it.

    Hated her role as the beautiful daughter of the chieftain.

    Hated the futility of life where all they did was follow the same script day after day with no change. And hated her place in it as the most beautiful, a symbol of the status quo to be admired, and a prize to be awarded to the one who would take her father’s place as the next Chieftain and Sage of the Guajupiá.

    She despaired over this fate.

    Many times rebelling and fleeing the tribe.

    Until one day, she happened upon the battle of the Spirits of Good and Evil. For seven days they had been fighting, and for seven days she watched the struggle, marvelling at the figure of the Evil God Taú, who fought the Spirit of Good which was seen as the great guide of her people.

    Was that not what she had been doing this entire time? Struggling against something held up as good and righteous? Was this not the one who had, time and again, attempted to steal her away from her tribe for his own greed? To deny them their prize?

    He was Evil.

    The destructive force which sought to arrogantly and selfishly take what it desired with no regard for the natural order of their world and its righteousness.

    He was like Kerana.

    And so, the Princess came to a decision.

    After Taú’s defeat, she snuck through the forest, nursed the wounded god back to health, and with his aid, ran away from the Tribe. Defying the laws of her tribe and the laws of her gods. Kerana fled with Taú in an act of defiance. The acceptance of evil as a necessity for humanity.

    Cursed as she’d been for her rebellious act, Kerana gave birth to monstrous creatures which would haunt the New World.

    Never before returning to her home.

    Personality

    “Evil? Me? Ridiculous. I just didn’t see the point in a perfect world where all I had to do was stand around looking pretty all day. I wanted my own place in the world, even if it meant to bring evil onto it. Think about it. To this day, I am still known as the Mother of the Seven Monsters and not just as ‘Marangatu’s Beautiful Daughter’. That is the fate I carved for myself.”

    Kerana’s belief in the ideal of self-determination is absolute regardless of the outcome of one’s choices. Whether something is ‘evil’ or not is secondary to the idea that evil was a conscious choice of the person practicing it.

    That is to say, evil is ‘freedom’.

    And to be free is to be capable of evil and harbor evil within yourself.

    This mindset developed due to Kerana’s own rebellion against the state of human life at the time of her birth, where Primordial Humans existed as part of a validated ecosystem and thus were not capable of self-determination beyond the point of the guidance of the Sacred Trees.

    Her joining with Taú was an act of rebellion against the ‘natural order’, which saw her punished by the ‘avatars’ of the sacred trees, the divine spirits of the new world for going against her intended purpose.

    Kerana relishes the idea of ‘evil’.

    But sees the capacity of doing evil as a freedom granted to humans by herself, and her children with Taú as the ‘proof’ that freedom exists. Whether her actions are reviled or condemned is of no concern to her for she made the conscious choice of releasing evil onto humanity.

    Class Skills

    Devotion - [B+]

    Kerana’s love for Taú is a result of her admiration for the Evil God’s willingness to break taboos and disobey the ‘natural order’ enforced by the Sacred Tree Guajupiá, making him the most ‘humane’ and ‘free’ god. As well as a kindred spirit to herself. Kerana draws great strength from this once in a lifetime love, which increases if she finds a new paramour which resembles the Taú of her memories.


    Infatuation - [A]

    A skill depicting Kerana’s ability to overlook the true nature of a loved one while maintaining an idealized image of her lover. Similar to an imprinting process, it causes her to misconstruct the intent behind the actions and words of the target of her affection as being similar to the of Táu, the Evil God. Compare it to seeing other people through rose tinted glasses, aimed at spotting actions and behaviors ‘similar to the Evil God’.

    Even if their acts are inherently good in nature, Kerana will fit them within her worldview of humanity’s freedom being Evil in nature.

    Personal Skills

    Curse of the Moon - [A]

    Kerana’s punishment by the moon goddess Jaci due to her siding with Taú, the Evil God. When under the light of the moon, all of Kerana’s parameters will decrease by a single rank, while also sealing her ‘Primordial Human’ and ‘Nhanderuvuçu’ Skills. The curse becomes inactive during eclipses and nights where the moon cannot be seen in the sky.

    However, those inflicted by Taú’s evil will also share in this weakness. Meaning that by inflicting the ‘Evil’ allignment into others through her Noble Phantasm, Kerana also inflicts the Curse of the Moon.


    Primordial Human - [B]

    A descendant of the original humans, Kerana possesses high parameters despite being on the Lover Class. It could be said that the Parameters of a Primordial Human do not change regardless of the Class Vessel and will remain at their peak due to their nature as the immutable foundation of mankind.


    Nhanderuvuçú - [C]

    The ‘Intrinsic Feedback’ which first allowed Primordial Humans to live as a part of the ecosystem established by the Divine Trees. A form of communication which all living beings perform with the world itself. Similar to the Divine Words which transform the world around them, this Skill represents the ability Primordial Humans have to command nature through their own ‘voice’.


    Protection Against Evil - [A]

    The Blessing of Taú, the Spirit of Evil, was bestowed onto Kerana upon becoming his lover, gaining a resistance to all forms of evil. If the intent is to harm Kerana, attacks and magecraft will be reduced to a tenth of their strength. Those who possess the Evil Allignment will have an even harder time harming Kerana.

    Noble Phantasm
    Anhang Kerana: Birth of the Seven Monsters
    C-Rank / Anti-Unit

    Kerana’s children, the Seven Monsters.

    The ‘curse’ born from her union with Taú, the Spirit of Evil.

    This Noble Phantasm allows Kerana to summon the seven monsters as familiars to fight alongside her. Similar to Phantasmal Beasts, the seven children act independently from Kerana. Though she can perceive the world through their eyes, Kerana’s policy as a mother is to allow them free reign to act as they wish.

    Evil is Freedom.

    And her children are incarnations of Evil through her connection with Taú.

    Their very presence has the same effects of [Taubymana], Kerana’s second Noble Phantasm, corrupting the land and those who live in it with the ‘Evil’ allignment. Those who are exposed to their presence for too long a period become tainted and transform into lesser version of the Seven Children.

    So long as there are lesser versions of them present, the Seven Children cannot be slain. They will simply find a new vessel to occupy and continue to grow in power until all tainted humans are gone or Kerana herself is slain.

    The Seven Monsters

    Teju Jagua - Hound of Kerana

    Mboi T’ui - The Lord of Fish

    Monãi - The Lord of Birds

    Jaci Jarete - The Most Human

    Kurupi - God of Desire

    Ao Ao
    - The Mountain

    Luison - The Death God

    Taubymana: Ever-Shifting Primordial Evil
    ?-Rank / Anti-Good

    Another name for the Spirit of Evil.

    Taubymana represents the connection Kerana possesses with her lover, allowing him to manifest in any form he so wishes in order to aid her in battle. Though Kerana prefers to wield him in battle as a weapon, or ride onto him as mount. Taubymana’s real nature is perhaps much more subtle and dangerous.

    The power to corrupt those harmed by itself.

    In a way similar to All World’s Evil, Taú can be considered the ‘origin of evil’ within the South American texture, acting as the source of all evil thoughts and actions and the one who instructed humans on how to act upon their inherent evil. Taubymana, as an extension of the Evil God can impose the concept of ‘evil’, upon those who touch it, bringing about something called ‘Allignment Alteration’.

    Those tainted by Kerana’s Noble Phantasm will suffer personality alterations, such as having their inhibitions loosened and emotions stronger. As well as an impulse to give into desires that are opposite in nature to their usual character.

    Relationships
    ‘Delfinger Nesthesia’

    “To defend this land is to oppose Proper Human History. Are you aware of the gravity of your choice? You are choosing a path which leads to countless deaths, sentencing your own people to being erased. The path you have chosen is nothing less than ‘Evil’. And that makes you human.”

    The Golden King

    “To live an existence ordained by a higher being… is unforgivable. A leash which renders us no better than beasts. I have broken such taboos before. Don’t think I won’t break it a second time just because it inconveniences you.”

    King Momo

    “You remind me of my son. That fool who only knows to drink and rest without moderation. Perhaps if he joins you, he might be able to be of use. Your excesses are Evil, and thus proof of your humanity.”

    God of the South Gate

    “My beloved… what has that perverse machine done to you. Why can I not hear your voice anymore? Can you hear me? I am here, waiting for you.”

    Goddess of the West Gate

    “O’ Goddess of the Moonlight. Sink into the depths and never return to this world. We have no need for your ‘blessings’.”

    Goddess of the East Gate

    “You… are the Moon Goddess’ enemy. The Celestial…”

    Ritsuka Fujimaru

    “So long as you understand that you hold no higher ground and accept the evil of your choices… we’ll have no problem. I won’t suffer hypocrisy from a boy seeking to burn my world to the ground.”

    Servants of Proper Human History

    “In order to preserve your world, you must end mine. That is the choice you are all making. And that choice… no matter how you justify it, is Evil. I cannot judge you for it. So please do not judge me for making my own choice… and slaughtering you all in turn..”


  19. #4819
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Nice, gimme more brazilian food
    this sheet will remain in my memory as 'arguing itself out of criticism'. When I saw that she is Lover instead of Rider, I thought that you perhaps overuse the class. But Lover actually fits much better than Rider just by her personality. Being a Rider with Riding takes away the freedom of the mounts, that are at the same time her children. It is antithetical and it shows in the skills, she has no Riding, because the beasts are free to do what they want.
    Other point is the use of Infatuation. I know we discussed this skill privately differently, but when i released my Lover/Avenger Munch the concept shifted to Infatuation being to Devotion like Espionage to Presence Concealment, a weaker different version with the either or condition. But you used the concept differently and intelligent to show the twisted view and love she has for the world. But that also makes her quite charming, her unapologetic view on evil is something.
    Minor nitpick is that she uses her lover as a NP, but in the LB he seems to be the god of the south gate? Doesnt really fit imo, but perhaps if you argue it is something like a bunrei or something, idk. THey exist outside the LB as servants so whatever.
    I am now interested in East and West Gate (insert East Side /West Side Rapper memes). I am always a sucker for moon gods, could that be Awilix? Not Brazilian but came to my mind just now.

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  20. #4820
    You Are Going to Brazil Wyvern's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Nice, gimme more brazilian food
    this sheet will remain in my memory as 'arguing itself out of criticism'. When I saw that she is Lover instead of Rider, I thought that you perhaps overuse the class. But Lover actually fits much better than Rider just by her personality. Being a Rider with Riding takes away the freedom of the mounts, that are at the same time her children. It is antithetical and it shows in the skills, she has no Riding, because the beasts are free to do what they want.
    Other point is the use of Infatuation. I know we discussed this skill privately differently, but when i released my Lover/Avenger Munch the concept shifted to Infatuation being to Devotion like Espionage to Presence Concealment, a weaker different version with the either or condition. But you used the concept differently and intelligent to show the twisted view and love she has for the world. But that also makes her quite charming, her unapologetic view on evil is something.
    Minor nitpick is that she uses her lover as a NP, but in the LB he seems to be the god of the south gate? Doesnt really fit imo, but perhaps if you argue it is something like a bunrei or something, idk. THey exist outside the LB as servants so whatever.
    I am now interested in East and West Gate (insert East Side /West Side Rapper memes). I am always a sucker for moon gods, could that be Awilix? Not Brazilian but came to my mind just now.
    This one has been in my mind ever since we discussed Infantuation.

    Like, the concept of a Lover who sees in her partner what she wants to see, but always what it is. You can say it is something like Mental Polution or Mad Enhancement, and replaces the Object of Desire Skill because she is 'Evil' and thus should not BE desired. So I used infantuation and rooted it on her mindset of commiting evil being proof of having free will.

    And that it was her 'love for freedom' that established the 'need for evil' in the human heart.

    Of course, her view is very warped. She does not see Freedom as something evil. But rather, Evil is something you can only do when you have Freedom. In the black and white world she and the other Primordial Humans lived, her unwillingness to accept the role assigned to her by the Sacred Tree was what lead to her running away with Taú, the manifestation of Humanity's Evil.

    Regarding Taú existing at the same time as her Noble Phantasm while being physically present,that has to do with the fact that Taú is treated like a taint of the soul by all her skills and noble phantasms. So, the Taú that she wields is the taint of her own soul, which she names after one of her lover's titles.
    Last edited by Wyvern; July 22nd, 2021 at 03:19 PM.

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