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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #7281
    屍鬼 Ghoul VitaVitaAR's Avatar
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    Archer
    Noble Slayer of Nine Suns, Hou Yi
    Click here for a sketch!

    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Region: China
    Gender: Male
    Height: 189cm
    Weight: 72kg
    Likes: His wife, hunting, tea
    Dislikes: Disobedience, thieves, traitors

    Parameters:
    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: A+
    Mana: A
    Luck: C
    Noble Phantasm: EX

    Class Skills:
    Independent Action: A
    A trait of the Archer class. Due to his high level of magical energy and considerable willpower, Archer can act without a Master for up to a week provided he does not utilize his Noble Phantasms.

    Magic Resistance: C
    Possesses some degree of resilience to being affected by magecraft. While his rank in this skill is not of particular note, Archer is virtually untouchable to most modern magi due to highly-attuned senses and considerable agility.

    Divinity: B
    Archer began his legend as a divine spirit. However, his nature became fundamentally human when became a hunter of beasts on behalf of humanity, and his level of divinity became reduced.

    Personal Skills:
    God of Travelling on the Wind: A
    An inherent capacity to utilize the wind as a method of transport. It is more akin to magecraft then a technique, however. Archer can move on the wind as if it is a solid object, thus achieving a form of flight merely by walking. In addition, his agility is ranked up as long as he walks upon the wind. With his inhuman aim, he can use the wind as a platform from which to unleash arrows down upon his opponents. However, his Noble Phantasms require both feet to be planted firmly upon the ground, and thus he cannot use them while walking on the wind.

    Giant Beast Hunt:
    A
    Many great beasts plagued the people of China in ancient times. But Archer stood against them, and with his unerring skill using a bow he slew every single last one of them for the sake of the people's wellbeing. His hunting and slaughtering of these beasts is represented by this skill, granting a unique aptitude for dispatching beastly foes. His arrows strike all the more deadly against such creatures.

    Affections of the Moon: B
    In order to protect the pill of immortality from a traitorous apprentice, Archer's wife Chang'e swallowed it. This caused her ascension, and her arrival at the moon itself. But the love between them was not lost. That love has been crystallized as a skill that confers Chang'e's blessing to her husband, granting him beneficial status and mending his injuries more swiftly.

    Clairvoyance: C+
    Archer's sharp eyes can surpass even material things to track his targets. The eyesight of a peerless hunter who was capable of striking his targets no matter how distant. It can also be called a sort of supreme awareness of his targets that borders on the ability to peer into the future. Each time Archer prepares to loose an arrow, time itself seems to slow and allow him to perfectly adjust his aim.

    Noble Phantasms:
    Resplendent Weapon of the Beast Hunter
    Tiger-Bone Bow
    Rank: B
    Type: Anti-Army
    Range: 0-50
    Maximum Number of Targets: 200 People
    A bow suitable only for Archer, that can only be drawn by his hand. It was crafted from jade and the bones of a great phantasmal tiger, surpassing all bows made before and after it in China and standing as the finest bow in the land. While it serves as Archer's primary weapon, it can also function as an Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. When aimed skywards and invoked by name, it unleashes a wave of arrows that fill the sky and rain down upon Archer's enemies. These arrows explode on contact, erupting in flames and allowing Archer to decimate hundreds of targets in a single shot. In spite of the potency of the attack, it is possible for targets with a high degree of self-recovery to evade the rain of arrows. Unless they are beasts, who will find the murderous storm impossible to escape.

    The Hero Who Shot Down Nine Suns
    Sun-Killer
    Rank: EX
    Type: Anti-Sun
    Range: 0-1000
    Maximum Number of Targets: 1000 People
    A crystallization of the legend of Archer's most famous feat, the slaying of nine suns for the sake of humanity. Only the tenth Sun was spared, at the request of the Emperor. This Noble Phantasm recalls the death throes of the suns. For the death of a sun is a destructive and terrible event, and this Noble Phantasm is no exception. Upon invoking its true name and letting an arrow loose, a miniature supernova is generated upon impact. It expands and incinerates everything within range almost instantaneously, before vanishing just as swiftly to leave nothing in the wake of its destruction aside from scorched, smoldering earth. While the arrow's area of effect can be evaded, survival from within the supernova is impossible.

    Lore: A legendary divine hero and hunter who was tasked with controlling the ten suns that were scorching the earth. At first he attempted to reason with them, but the continually rejected his overtures and thus he felt he had no choice. Nine arrows, he felled nine of the suns, until only a single one remained. He was only stopped from slaying the final sun by the words of King Yao, the man who had told him to stop the suns in the first place. After all, slaying all ten suns would have left China without sunlight. Still, even after slaying the suns, Hou Yi chose to remain among China's people.

    As a result, he was tasked with slaying and imprisoning many monstrous phantasmal beasts that were plaguing the land. Without hesitation or a scrap of doubt in his heart, Hou Yi used his bow to fell monster after monster. The people of China came to rely upon him, to see him as a great hero. While he was not without his pride in his abilities and deeds, he considered himself to be performing his duty. Praise was not unwelcome, but it was also not needed. He enjoyed his hunts, and felt proud of his successes. But worship was never required by him.

    The one thing Hou Yi loved more than anything else in the world was his wife, Chang'e. But because of his hunts, he was frequently away from home. Even after being gifted an immortality pill, he was unable to remain home an ensure its safety. Thus, that duty fell to Chang'e.

    It is while he was away subjugating a beast that one of his apprentices, Peng Meng, broke into his home and attempted to steal the pill for himself. Fearing what would happen if such a thief would acquire everlasting life, Chang'e took the pill herself. Immediately she ascended back to the heavens, forfeiting her life as a human and returning to the sky. It is said she reached the moon, though whether this is simply legend or the truth is uncertain.

    Upon discovering what had happened, Hou Yi was devastated. Crushed, he could only leave offerings to his wife, who could never again reach him.

    A serious and stern man. He treats loyalty as sacred, and will always follow any orders given by his Master. However, he is also pragmatic to the extent that any orders he receives will be interpreted as he sees fit. If Hou Yi does not feel his Master has truly grasped a situation, he will instead do what he believes best serves his Master. Additionally, there is one situation in which he will reject his Master's words. If told to harm innocent people, he will first warn his Master. If ordered to do so again, he will immediately draw an arrow and release it, slaying his Master where they stand.

    While he does not require praise, he is also incredibly prideful in regards to his capacity as an Archer. He has not the single doubt in his ability to strike down his opponents. His unwavering confidence and steely determination is unshakable. This is not to say he lacks respect for the legends of those around him. Rather, shakable confidence simply means he believes he can match the legend of any enemy he could come across. Deep down, it is out of a sense of honor. If he did not acknowledge his own abilities as extraordinary, it would disrespect every opponent he ever defeated, and ever monster he ever slew.

    But in spite of this confidence and bride, Hou Yi's heart feels empty. A feeling of melancholy follows him wherever he goes. For Hou Yi remains deeply affected by the loss of his wife. Never again able to meet her, he can only long for her from a distance.
    Notes: Yeah yeah, I know Hou Yi is a really popular choice for Archer. But I couldn't help but want to make my own take on him, since he seemed really suited for a high-power Archer. I don't know how he stacks up to other people's takes on Hou Yi, but I hope he's decent at least.
    Last edited by VitaVitaAR; January 9th, 2022 at 01:37 PM.

  2. #7282
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    Wow, What A great sheet, I can see this guy getting along with Saad. As both of them as the same kind of mentality as a servants. I like how you write his lore it's brief but comprehensive. I get the feeling I would be lucky if I summon this guy as my servant

  3. #7283
    I'm a peaceful woman with bad intentions. Lady Vanatos's Avatar
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    These noobs pumping out sheets more than me, I'd feel ashamed if I weren't so damn lazy
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  4. #7284
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    "That's our summoner? They look funny, are you sure we can trust them...?"

    "Pfft, if they make trouble I can always just beat the crap out of them. Which of us here was the strongest again?"

    "Violence is bad! We should at least make a proper introduction before presuming anything. Mr. summoner might be a really nice person..."

    "Aha, were you scared off by my sisters? Don't worry, they may be a little- or a lot- quarrelsome but they're good people I promise. Now then, Ruler St. Quiteria at your service. All nine of us shall pledge ourselves as your sword and shield in the name of the Lord."

    Servant Ruler:

    Appearance:

    Source

    True Name: Quiteria "The Ninefold Saint"

    Alignment: Lawful Good

    Alternate Classes: Archer, Assassin

    Strength- B
    Agility- C
    Endurance- A
    Mana- C
    Luck- D
    NP- B

    Personality
    A cheerful and strong-willed girl. Her kind and modest demeanor belies a natural leadership aptitude having been the one to unify the often squabbling personalities of her sisters. Condemned to death as an infant alongside her sisters and only spared by the good heart of her mother's maid, that act of kindness became a model for Ruler who swore to fight so that no child ever suffer abandonment again. Growing disgusted by the false glory of an empire that endlessly consumed the weak to grow she was fascinated hearing stories of a distant messiah who was also nearly killed as a newborn. And so--- the legend known as the "Nonuplet Sisters" and the terribly tragic yet beautiful fate that befell them was set irrevocably into motion.

    Having spent a lot of time in nature during her guerilla warfare against Rome Ruler gets along well with animals, particularly dogs. Her sweet voice can soothe even the most savage hound into a pampered puppy. While she gained a virgin warrior reputation for refusing all the Pagan suitors sent by her father Ruler is actually a closet romantic who secretly fantasizes about falling in love with a good Christian man. She takes easily to the concept of "shipping" in the modern age and will often (not so) surreptitiously play matchmaker with her friends, including her sisters.

    Perhaps reflecting the hotspring that miraculously spouted after her beheading Ruler greatly appreciates a heated bath ("You'll never believe how much I wanted one when trekking through those mountains" she grumbles) and enjoys sampling those in the present era, especially the onsen of Japan. She always makes sure to dedicate a certain amount of time everyday praying.

    Likes: animals, prayer, her sisters, "shipping", to take a refreshing dip in an onsen
    Dislikes: imprisonment, her father, Rome, being separated from her sisters
    Talents: prison escape, guerilla warfare
    Natural Enemy: Charles Henri Sanson


    Class Skills:

    God's Resolution- C
    The privilege of the Ruler presiding over a Holy Grail War. Each Ruler is normally granted two Command Seals for every Servant that participates in the Holy Grail War. Cannot re-appropriate the Command Seals of others. Out of her distaste for ordering others Ruler has willfully lowered the rank of this Skill.

    True Name Discernment- B
    Status information such as true name, Skills and parameters are instantly revealed to Ruler upon encountering a fellow Servant. For Servants with concealment abilities, a Luck check is required to successfully glean their true nature. The default rank for her Class. Due to her unruly nature, Ruler is most likely going to spout out her opponent's names.

    Magic Resistance- A+
    Confers protection against magical effects. At this rank spells A-rank or lower are nullified, no matter what High Thaumaturgy it is. The Servant is virtually untouchable to modern Magi, so it wouldn't be an exaggeration to dub them a "Magus Killer". Like the other saints, Ruler possesses a high resistance due to her staunch faith in God. It was enough for her to even deny a chance to be spared by her father. Doubly effective against water-based Magecraft, as one of the nonuplet sisters Marina was associated with Holy Water.


    Personal Skills:

    Battle Continuation (Cephalophore)- A
    Ruler was often identified in legend as a Cephalophore, a saint carrying their own severed head. An extensive motif in Medieval art, Ruler was depicted as such thanks to the apocryphal stories where she rose from the sea with her head in her hands following decapitation. Regardless of their veracity these traditions manifest in ascribing her a unique variant of the Battle Continuation Skill.

    Upon receiving a mortal injury this Skill activates, raising Ruler to her feet as her head is enveloped in a halo of divine light. This allows Ruler to still move and fight long enough to fulfill a single task after which she fades away and relinquishes her soul to God. Not the ability to cheat death, but remain alive for just enough to do what they were meant to before peacefully accepting the end--- after all it is Ruler's adamant belief that death needn't be solely a cruel and sad thing, but rather a joyful reunion with the Lord. Furthermore Ruler's body in this state qualifies as a Holy Relic and the light exuded by her damages Evil-aligned beings while inspiring her allies with hope.

    Pacifier Of Ferocity- C
    A Skill that allows Ruler to suppress hostility and violent intentions in those around her, particularly wild beast-type enemies. Born from the incident where she pacified two rabid dogs with the power of her saintly voice. Because of this Ruler is often depicted alongside dogs in iconography. When Ruler speaks in her "saint mode" her voice is so soft and sweet that it calms the mind of anyone who listens, lifting mental interferences like pressure, rage and confusion. Madness-related Skills and Noble Phantasms reduce in effectiveness and even animalistic instincts are momentarily quelled, reminding the target that they too are a child of God and can choose whether to indulge in their worst nature.

    Her voice can even make Berserkers sane again, restoring memories of the time before they sunk into madness. However the higher the rank of Mad Enhancement the more temporary the effects are as their Class will quickly reassert the Skill back upon them. Additionally this only works on madness that's been forced on the Servant not that arising from a conviction which reaches the level of madness like Spartacus or Nightingale. Ruler also claims that this gift came in handy a lot whenever she had to mediate disputes between her more hot-tempered sisters, though the others would deny it prompting her to quickly smile and say she was just teasing.

    Given its original purpose this Skill is naturally effective on calming and taming ferocious or wild beasts. However Phantasmal and Divine Beasts are beyond Ruler's reach to tame.

    Subversive Activities- B+
    The talent to reduce the enemy forces in the preliminary stages before going into battle. An expert of traps. However, the higher the ranking of this Skill, the more one's spiritual status as a hero declines. At this rank, it is possible to disable close to 30% of the total military forces before the enemy advances. The commemoration of Ruler's several years-long campaign of guerilla warfare against the Roman Empire, rescuing imprisoned Christians, destroying temples and attacking garrisons. She excels at fighting stealthily, using hit-and-run tactics and traps to wear the enemy down before engaging directly. Furthermore a bonus modifier is applied when fighting alongside her sisters.


    Noble Phantasms
    Novem Orationes
    Each Life A Prayer, Spark Brilliantly In This Cruel World


    Rank: B

    Type: Support

    A Noble Phantasm crystallizing Ruler's status as leader of the "Nonuplet Sisters" that together obtained fame for their resolute faith and defiance of the Roman Empire. Born all at once in a miraculous ninefold conception, Ruler's mother regarded her children with scorn likening them to a litter of swine and ordered her maid to drown them in a nearby river. However her servant took pity on the infants and instead gave them over for adoption in a remote village. Growing up they unanimously refused to bow before the Pagan gods and were imprisoned in a tower, before breaking free and travelling the land to rescue their imperilled siblings in faith.

    Their shared birth, faith and martyrdom combine to create this Noble Phantasm, the culmination of the existence known as the "Nonuplet Sisters" that managed to terrorize the Roman Empire. In a miraculous feat of High Thaumaturgy made possible only through their exceptional sibling bond, upon invoking its true name Ruler partitions her Saint Graph into up to nine separate instantiations that represent her sisters. While their senses and memories are linked, giving the team an unrivaled sense of coordination in battle, each sister still retains her distinct personality from life rather than being subsumed under Ruler. Their names are Eumelia, Liberata, Gema, Genebra, Germana, Basilissa, Marica and Vitoria.

    With this Noble Phantasm Ruler is effectively nine Servants in one, and as well as personalities her sisters have different aptitudes that make them suited for various tasks. Being able to delegate to her offshoots makes Ruler a terrifyingly omnicompetent monster of a Servant able to seemingly do anything and be anywhere. However as a byproduct of splitting her Saint Graph Ruler's total stat pool is distributed evenly amongst all her sisters on the field. With all nine active their strength would be 1/9th of what Ruler would possess alone. They lack Ruler's Personal Skills except Subversive Tactics at the same rank but can use her second Noble Phantasm.

    If one of the sisters dies she can't be summoned again for the remainder of the Grail War and her stats are redistributed to the surviving ones. Should Ruler herself perish all her sisters will immediately disappear from the World lacking the core to support their existence. Without invoking this Noble Phantasm's true name, Ruler can channel the collective experience and knowledge of her sisters as well as communicate with them telepathically, essentially making her nine souls in one body. Mental attacks on Ruler will be weakened due to having to target nine separate minds supporting each other. "Sure it can get a little busy sometimes but it's nice to never be lonely. No matter where I am I know my sisters are right there with me."


    Vere Martyrii
    From My Pain Springs Pure Waters


    Rank: C+

    Type: Anti-Unit

    A symbolization of the holy spring that gushed forth from the spot of Ruler and her sisters' martyrdom. As a Noble Phantasm it's enacted as a defensive ability that punishes attacks by making jets of holy water spray from Ruler's wounds. Concentrated keenly enough to slice like a blade, these sacred streams emerge from even the slightest cut on Ruler's body and vengefully lash out at her assailant. Their speed and pressure scales based on the damage inflicted upon Ruler, so a minor scrape would only issue a weak D-ranked water blade that could lightly cut flesh while severe slashes are met by an A-ranked attack surging forth forcibly enough to cleave solid rock.

    Additionally as holy water these attacks exert greater effectiveness against demonic and evil individuals, searing at their very essence with the purity of God. Should Ruler actually die a huge geyser of holy water springs forth from her body and rains down across the surroundings. Towards enemies this carries the last vengeance of God for killing Ruler, drops piercing their flesh like a hail of spears while allies are reinvigorated in the gentle shower and have their status ailments cleared.

    Ruler is unable to damage herself to invoke this Noble Phantasm as it only responds to attacks from an enemy.





    So here's a long-time-coming collaboration with SleepMode. To be honest I let this sheet gather moss on my PM folder for years before finally striking up the inspiration to finish it. As usual comments and critiques would be welcome. Thanks for reading y'all!

  5. #7285
    Okay, so, I like most of the Hou Yi sheet... Except for it kind of falls into the trap I notice a lot of Hou Yi sheets do. This is a bit of a personal gripe, but I wonder why people take "shooting down the suns" literally. The suns in the story aren't the same as the sun as we understand it nowadays, they're just... powerful divine spirits. It's still an impressive feat, but it just seems off to me to make it one of the most powerful NPs out there. Rest of the sheet's good though!

    Quiteria I love. Maybe it's just cause I find the art used absolutely adorable, but the sheet's good as well! The unique variant of Battle Con makes sense, the skills make sense, the NPs are great IMO. Her enemy being Sanson's just funny. My only question is why B Str and C End? Why not the other way around?

  6. #7286
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Vanatos View Post
    These noobs pumping out sheets more than me, I'd feel ashamed if I weren't so damn lazy
    Time for Mommy to show them how the veterans do it

    I agree with the comments on all the new sheets that popped up while I was sleeping.
    And special props to Royd for making a Saint into a hedgehog of slicing water blades when wounded. Like heck yeah, thats a fighting style that wasnt done before
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  7. #7287
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    I think my servants would treat with some respect but thinking his grandeur is a bit to much on the nose especially Umar and Jafar. Who spend most of their life trying to be one with his people especially the poorest of them. There is also Aisha who would a be kind of pissed of being treated like child. As for me If I summon him, I will a take a more advisory road especial if the HGW is in a place that familiar with. Like I becomes his consul, just throwing ideas at him and see if one will stick and then plan things out more from there
    Thanks at first , though i should explain that (my )Augustus wanted to save people out of poor circumstances as he saw in his childhood how some families did starve so did he saved them as he saw poverty as burden and he wanted to share his Grandeur ,about Aisha well his only biological child were his daughter Julia (which i also plan to amke as servant ) so has he certain fatehly protective instincts there ,and i can tellyou his relationship with his daughter (andd the resulting tragedie with his finding a heir) is the stuff for a Shakespear play . i can tell you as she were a free spirit and wanted to decide for herself but her father were burdened by that fear in that she may be used political against him like as hostage despite that he loved her and wanted that after his nephep from his sister died to make her childrenn hisheirs but his wife Livia which were Julias Step mother wanted that Tiberius is the heir .

    Also what would they and you think of these Hellenic Saint Maiden ? Also what would you do when this Sweeitie happenn to be yourservant ?

    Aside tat what is your oppinion of my Augustus of his abbillities as you could make abbillities based on the historic context ?
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  8. #7288
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    Koga, please dont ask the innocent new souls to comment on your complete oeuvre.
    Behold! The works of a maniac!
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    And my other contribution to this community!
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  9. #7289
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Koga, please dont ask the innocent new souls to comment on your complete oeuvre.
    Well then i like to remind you said that once i finish Makaria you read her profile but i heared neither from you then any other a feedback !?

    is it in that i posted a incomplete servant and worked defact publical on it that thers were irriitated ?

    its just sometimes you when other are reveal and show their servants that they get often immediatly feedbacks without asking fr feedback and do you believe its fun to for me to be pushy i would wished to get finnaly some compliments and not only your grammer is crap comments i mean i give all in effort and creativity in my profiles and stories .
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; January 9th, 2022 at 09:44 AM.
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  10. #7290
    後継者 Successor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Thanks at first , though i should explain that (my )Augustus wanted to save people out of poor circumstances as he saw in his childhood how some families did starve so did he saved them as he saw poverty as burden and he wanted to share his Grandeur ,about Aisha well his only biological child were his daughter Julia (which I also plan to make as servant ) so has he certain fatherly protective instincts there ,and I can tell you his relationship with his daughter (and the resulting tragedy with his finding a heir) is the stuff for a Shakespeare play . I can tell you as she were a free spirit and wanted to decide for herself but her father were burdened by that fear in that she may be used political against him like as hostage despite that he loved her and wanted that after his nephep from his sister died to make her children his heirs but his wife Livia which were Julius Step mother wanted that Tiberius is the heir .

    Also what would they and you think of these Hellenic Saint Maiden ? Also what would you do when this Sweetie happen to be your servant ?

    Aside tat what is your opinion of my Augustus of his abilities as you could make abilities based on the historic context ?

    Makaria is such a sweet heart, I like to get to know my servants first so Probably take for a small tour of the city/town where the HGW takes place. While doing some surveying. What my other servants would think of her they would think of her as kind but a bit naïve warrior .Also with your Skills and NPs it's pretty great like how explain them I can get where the skills came from.
    Last edited by Ismail2002; January 9th, 2022 at 10:22 AM.

  11. #7291
    Your average edge/angst supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Well then i like to remind you said that once i finish Makaria you read her profile but i heared neither from you then any other a feedback !?

    is it in that i posted a incomplete servant and worked defact publical on it that thers were irriitated ?

    its just sometimes you when other are reveal and show their servants that they get often immediatly feedbacks without asking fr feedback and do you believe its fun to for me to be pushy i would wished to get finnaly some compliments and not only your grammer is crap comments i mean i give all in effort and creativity in my profiles and stories .
    I believe it really is because of the grammar, to some extent. Other sheets might get responses talking about the character, the lore, relationship lines to other characters, etc., but you can't convey all of that effectively without proper grammar first. You may have all sorts of cool ideas in your head, now improving your grammar could go a long way in conveying those ideas and getting more responses.

  12. #7292
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BnEl15 View Post
    I believe it really is because of the grammar, to some extent. Other sheets might get responses talking about the character, the lore, relationship lines to other characters, etc., but you can't convey all of that effectively without proper grammar first. You may have all sorts of cool ideas in your head, now improving your grammar could go a long way in conveying those ideas and getting more responses.
    i understand , but i think its also perhaps that i were always rather weak at grammer even back in school grammar so that i am unless someone would point me some errors on be completely clueless .

    Howevera aside that Grammer what have you for an general impression of my servant profiles ?
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; January 9th, 2022 at 11:18 AM.
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  13. #7293
    Your average edge/angst supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    You're getting a bit better with the power scaling, no five different world-breaking EX-ranked NPs anymore in your recent sheets. Whether you've really improved in that department, or if it's just due to you coincidentally doing less OP characters at the moment (like Makaria) remains to be seen.

    Aside from that, try to complete your entire sheet all the way through before posting it. You can ask for some advice on the ideas thread, but finish it before you post them in the main thread. Your browser's autocorrect might also help a bit when it comes to grammar.

  14. #7294
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    Class: Archer
    True Name: Saad ibn Abi Waqas
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Place of Origin: Arabia

    Parameters:

    STR: C
    END: B
    AGI: B
    MGI: D
    LCK: C
    NP: A


    Summoning Line : Archer, Saad Ibn Waqqas. Tell me master for what reason did you summon me. The preservation of humanity, what a bold claim. I will happily lend you my arrows to the cause

    Lore/Background :
    Saad is one of the 10 companions that was promise heaven by the prophet. Early in life he was very zealous of his faith and prone to outburst. He also the first Muslim archer though the records claim that is archery is quite super human and that he more specializes in quick short distance burst shoot unlike most archers. When it was challenged or mock. But over the years his fiery temper began to cool down and he became a much more composed and calm manner man. Who lead many great victories in battle. Like the Battle of Qadisiya which finally seals the fate of the Sassanids Persians. Even in a civil war in the Muslim world he won’t join a side and he was the last of them dying in comfortable wealth in his 80’ies


    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance (C Rank): Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals.

    Independent Action (EX Rank): The Ability to remain independent even when rejecting the magical energy. The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master; the ability that allows for action even in the absence of the Master. It is possible for Archer to stay in the world for years without a Master. If he doesn’t engage in combat. The effects are much shorter down to about a week at most. But he can reject the command seals of his master at the cost of his parameters all go down by one rank. Inspire by his vow towards Islam, where his mother tried to starve herself to only be replied that even if she has multiple lives and each of them slowly departed, he would never leave his faith.


    Personal Skills:
    Mark of the Zealot (A Rank): A type of Madness Enhancement, this skill grants Archer’s temporary strength but at the cost of being only able to focus on one single target. This skill is defined on how single minded he can be when people of his faith was attack even down to his own brother. Who he vows to kill, if ever he sets his eyes upon him again. After he mortally wounded the prophet

    Mana Burst (Light/Soul) (A+ Rank): With this skill Archer can boost the potency of his arrows with the spirit core of the prophets’ parents. He can spread this energy to his body to further boost his parameters but when he uses this skill, it usually meant he going in for the killing shot by overloading one of his arrows with the two spirit cores. This skill is gain form the anecdote at Uhud where the Prophet exclaims. “Shoot Saad, may my father and mother be sacrificed to you.”

    Protection from Arrows (C + Rank): The ability to is the ability to deal with projectiles, an increased defense against ranged attacks by predicting the projectiles' trajectories through exceptional means, such as hearing the sound of air being cut, or sensing the killing intent of the enemy. Such as his defensive tactics that he employed in the battle of Qadisiya which his army was able to withstood the rapid volley of arrows from the Sassanids without a single of them penetrating.


    Noble Phantasm:
    Waqfat 'ahad Akhar
    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: A
    Chant: You shall not pass, by my arrows. I will tear you all asunder
    Description: A defensive NP, Saad multiples his arrow until they started to encircling himself and his master, he can make the circle big enough to guard up to 10 people. Any intruders will be torn by the waves of arrows as soon they appear within 5 feet of it. Based this on this stand at the battle of Uhud where his occupy an oncoming calvary charge by shooting multiple arrows at the same time, repeatedly. With the Prophet delivering the arrows to him.


    Misc Lines:
    Likes: Well, I enjoyed the company of my fellow brethren, So I am delighted to see them here.

    Dislike: I hate when internal fight or strife especially for something so trivial. It sad to see the bonds between people severed because of a minor difference

    Holy Grail: What is this fancy cup, it’s grants wishes don’t delusional that preposterous. Even it’s true. I got nothing to wish for anyway since what I need is already here.

    Event: I think this good time to honed my skills for later altercations


    Bond Lines:
    Bond Line 1: Ah master how have you been, me I am just practicing my archery. I know it’s bit of unorthodox way of doing it but so is most of the archer class way of archery

    Bond Line 2: Master how can you be so calm that person just insulted your honor. I am sorry, I guess I went bit overboard there, master.

    Bond Line 3: Are you okay master, you seem to be quite tired lately. Don’t push yourself too much. Seeing look like this kind of reminds me of my mother. But I rather not you have opened those memories for me. So, would you please take a better care of yourself.

    Bond Line 4: (After Solomon Singularity): You are humble, master you gone off and saving the world but have been tied down by bureaucrats of all things. Don’t worry we the servants here shall be eternally grateful and will remember your deed for the days has come and so does God.

    Bond Line 5: (After Lostbelt 6: Avalon La Fay): Master, I been thinking. With all those lostbelt what cut off, and what we see in Fairy Britain. Could the other lostbelt became something like that. Just another world that runs parallel to our own. It’s a silly thought but I wish we didn’t have to kill so many lives in order to save our own world.


    Creator Notes:
    So I decided to rework my first servant in Saad, It's more of clean up of the formatting and adding a bunch lines for him. I also change one skill around. So, how does this version of Saad Holds up and what will you do with him if you summon him as your servant. Also I imagine him fighting like Yondu from Guardian Of the Galaxy but have no idea how to convey that
    Last edited by Ismail2002; January 23rd, 2022 at 10:09 PM.

  15. #7295
    A Ruler that can split into 9 and use Vere Martyrii? The defensive formations you could make with that is hilarious. It's strong without encroaching on Avalon territory. If I'm reading it right, at least. I quite like the sheet regardless.

  16. #7296
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleD20 View Post
    Quiteria I love. Maybe it's just cause I find the art used absolutely adorable, but the sheet's good as well! The unique variant of Battle Con makes sense, the skills make sense, the NPs are great IMO. Her enemy being Sanson's just funny. My only question is why B Str and C End? Why not the other way around?
    On the stats that was part of the initial draft SleepMode sent me. I questioned that too (higher Agi might make more sense for a guerilla fighter who darts around quickly) but ultimately didn't care enough to change it. And thanks!

  17. #7297
    屍鬼 Ghoul VitaVitaAR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoubleD20 View Post
    Okay, so, I like most of the Hou Yi sheet... Except for it kind of falls into the trap I notice a lot of Hou Yi sheets do. This is a bit of a personal gripe, but I wonder why people take "shooting down the suns" literally. The suns in the story aren't the same as the sun as we understand it nowadays, they're just... powerful divine spirits. It's still an impressive feat, but it just seems off to me to make it one of the most powerful NPs out there. Rest of the sheet's good though!
    I mean, it's a strong NP, and it's EX because it's targeting celestial bodies(even if they were divine spirits, they were still the suns to Ancient China). I do want to make it clear I don't think I'm making some Ea-level thing or something, though. That would be ridiculous.

  18. #7298
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Update: Rewrote Quiteria's first NP a little to narrow what abilities the sisters can and can't share. Since I realized the combo of Battle Continuation + her second NP with the clones would be a bit too much. Plus this way it makes more sense since they actually have things that were in common to their legend and not otherwise.

  19. #7299
    後継者 Successor
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    Class: Caster
    True Name: Hassan ibn Ali
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Origins : Arabia

    Parameters
    Strength: C
    Endurance: C
    Agility: B
    Mana: A
    Luck: C
    NP: EX


    Summoning Line: Assalamualaikum, my name is Hasan ibn Ali. Class caster, you thought I would be an assassin but no. I have nothing to with that order that order centuries ahead of me. Never mind that, I hope we can get along well, Master.

    Class Skills:
    Territory Creation (A Rank): The creation of the grand mosque a temple like creation this skill is potent that he can recreate a part of heaven. For this foretold by the prophet that Hasan would be the Sayyid (Chief) in Heaven along side with his brother Hussein.

    Item Creation (C Rank): Hasan can create small minor things such as magical food that never spoils particularly fruits that he excellences at. From the small miracles that the Shia sect attributed to him to able to called God to send food to 70 passengers that never spoils and able to make an old date tree sprout its fruit


    Personal Skills:
    The Crest of Miracles, Ahlul Bayt (EX Rank): A magic crest that Hassan inherited from the prophet said to contain all of his skills and miracles that performed. Hassan can activate it to recreate one of the many prophets’ skills but the Mana cost can be quite high, it can be incredible taxing for a master to the crest to be used.

    High Speed Words of the Divine (A Rank): Hasan was great oralist said to able to recite the entire Quran at birth. With this skill Hasan can able to generate some his accelerate his casting time for his magecraft enchanted with the words of God itself.

    The Treaty of Seals (C+ Rank): With this skill, Hasan can place a limiter on another person sprit core. To either lower their parameters or locked on of their skills, Hasan can set a condition for removing the seal his chant. But this limiter can be break by overflowing the it with mana or killing Hasan. This skill is based on the treaty Hasan has with Muawiya in exchange for abdicating the role of caliph to him. He makes sure that Muawiya follows 6 rules for the title


    Noble Phantasm:
    Divine Curse of the Heavens. Al Mubahalah
    Type: Anti-Magic
    Rank: EX

    A ticking Noble Phantasm, Hasan can cast it inflicting a curse upon their target though this curse is unique as it can spread into the targets familial line. Hasan would a condition for the curse not to trigger. If that condition is not met then the target magical circuits would be curse cancer like abscess would grow and wreak the opponents’ magical circuits not just them but their immediate family. But if the target can meet the conditions Hasan sprit core evaporates, this NP only works on living magi.


    Misc Lines:
    Likes: What do I like well, my people of course each and every Muslim that lived over the years for they are my kindred spirit

    Dislike: Politics and Civil discord for they are bane of my life. I just can bear when kinsmen fight each other and as for politics it’s gets really confusing.

    The Holy Grail: I heard of it but I have no interest in it after all. All my wishes will come true in heaven at the end of times. Also, I heard what it did to my brother.

    Event: What a lovely festival that your having, I be sure to enjoy myself attending.


    Bond Lines :
    Bond Line 1: Oh Master, I was just my recitals would you care to listen to them.

    Bond Line 2: I am beat that was really tiring master, I am embarrassed to say that I not much of a fighter compare my father and brother. But I will manage

    Bond Line 3: Welcome, Master to my private garden it’s no Avalon it’s still pretty great here have some dates.

    Bond Line 4 (After Lostbelt 1: Anastasia): You feeling down, master. I get how you feel these was suppose to be your comrades but we ended up having to fight. I wish we can find a more peaceful resolution. But not to worry I will always be by your side.

    Bond Line 5 (After Lostbelt 3: SIN): Master do you ever thought that what would you do to obtain world peace. People tried to do in many ways including myself but seeing these Lostbelts I couldn’t help but to question the nature of peace itself but then I look at you and the people here in Chaldea and realize the real nature of peace


    Creators Notes:
    I came up with rather a while back and just start to write this, Also if you wondering about his Holy Grail line it's a reference to the Husain Alter Sheet that I made, So what are your thoughts on this sheet. Let me know if there is anything I should fix. Also, What you do if you summon him as a servant
    Last edited by Ismail2002; January 23rd, 2022 at 10:08 PM.

  20. #7300
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Ali: Good sheet as per usual for you but that NP is a bit weird. I'm not sure what anecdote it's based off of and the way it works is kind of vague. So once Ali invokes it the battle basically becomes a wager on whether the opponent can fulfill the curse's condition, killing him, or fail and succumb themselves. That's an interesting idea but it might help to give some examples on what kind of conditions he could/would give to flesh it out a bit. For instance I presume he couldn't make it something like "stop breathing" and just pull a catch-22 on the target. Also it might be accurate to the legend but killing an opponent's whole family seems awfully hardcore for a Lawful Good-aligned Servant whose Misc and Bond lines paint him as pretty chill. How freely would he use this ability?

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