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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #8721
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    Source: wolfnocturne on Deviantart

    Class: Caster
    Other Classes: N/A
    True Name: Baba Anujka
    Alignment: Neutral Evil
    Place of Origin: Serbia (20th Century)

    Parameters:

    STR: E
    END: E
    AGI: E
    MGI: C
    LCK: C
    NP: D

    Height: 150cm
    Weight: 130lbs
    Likes: Her "Water"
    Dislikes: Abusers
    Talent: Making "Water"
    Natural Enemy: Jeanne D'Arc
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Female, Weak to Enuma Elish, Humanoid
    Armament: Lazni Vodu Zivoda
    Catalyst: A photo of her

    Class Skills:
    Territory Creation E: Her magecraft is not conducive to creating a territory. At this rank, she can only create a very bare-minimum rank, weak, bounded field, provided to her by her class.
    Item Construction C: She is capable of producing many items associated with the act of potion-making, due to her style of magic.

    Personal Skills:
    Alchemy C: She was an alchemist of little renown, but still a fairly capable one. Denotes proficiency in the style of magic known as Alchemy. Her particular style of alchemy was known as liquid alchemy, and its goal was to be able to produce the water of the Fountain of Youth, and bring immortality into the Age of Man. This allows her to control water and similar liquids which are not within a human or animal body.
    Poisoner Matriarch C: Many of her killings were done by others who were given the poison by her. This allows her to, if she is able to convince them, transform an ordinary person into an assistant. This grants them Alchemy E and Poisoner D. In addition, as she supplied the poison, they are also granted a small amount of Lazni Vodu Zivoda. They are now also under her control.
    Age Passing By B: This skill is granted to people who accomplished their most famous deeds at an extremely advanced age. As Anujka was still poisoning people at age 90, she gains this skill. Due to her age allowing her to leave prison early, this gives a conceptual ability to end attacks slightly early. In addition, she gains a slight amount of Magic every day as this goes on, being eventually able to reach A rank in her Alchemy skill and her Magic parameter.

    Noble Phantasm(s):

    Lazni Vodu Zivoda
    Water Of Death



    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: D
    Range: 20 meters
    Max Targets: 1

    This noble phantasm is the sublimation of her special water, a gruesomely failed attempt to reproduce the Water of the Fountain of Youth. It takes the form of a pool of water constantly swirling around her. When invoked, the water begins rushing down a target's throat. It is highly poisonous and eats away at a servant's spiritual core. It also becomes more powerful against those who have abused anyone. She can also use a diluted version to send someone into stasis temporarily, with anyone below D rank Magic Resistance freezing for 5 minutes.

    Lore: Ana di Pistonja, better known as Baba Anujka, was an amateur chemist and serial killer, poisoning between 50 and 150 people. She was apprehended at the age of 90 as an accomplice to murder and was sent to prison for 15 years, although she only had to serve 8 years due to her advanced age. This is what history recorded. However, she was also an alchemist, though not an incredibly accomplished one. Her goal? To make the water of the fountain of youth once again.

    Personality: A kind and grandmotherly figure. She will offer you tea and cookies whenever you come to see her. However, she is also ruthless. If you ask her to kill someone, all she will ask is "How much are you willing to pay?". She particularly loves destroying abusive people. Her wish was once to remake the water of the fountain of youth, but due to her advanced age helping her and her now being aged down anyway, her wish is now to kill all the abusers in the world.

    Relationships:
    Jeanne D'Arc: "Dearie, you see what I do as amoral? Unuka, please. If I don't stop these people, who will? My fee? Well, it's just a little cost for my services. I have to live too, after all. Well, we're already dead, but you know what I mean dearie."
    Voyager: "Oh hello dear! Here's your regular cookie. Would you like some tea as well?"
    Ibaraki-Doji: "Why of course I know she isn't here right now. But just in case, if she ever arrives, I'll be ready. Don't worry my little Unuka, this one will be free."


    Creator Notes: Thanks for the feedback HumanComplex!
    Last edited by jishara; June 2nd, 2022 at 09:48 PM.

  2. #8722
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    I’m honestly not sure how I should feel about katara being depicted as an elderly grandma serial killer.

  3. #8723
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    i agree. she doesnt look old or serbian. the choice of FC is unfitting here.
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  4. #8724
    夜魔 Nightmare Vance's Avatar
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    I think it would have been better to use that other water bender lady. The blood bending one.

  5. #8725

    a cunt

    .................................................. .................................................. ......................
    john constantnie class trickster truename john bloody constnatine paramters -- -- -- -- -- -- class skills laughing magician gets the last laugh personal skills dabbler good at occult ttalking good at talking running good at running dealing good at dealing luck good at luck syncrhoncity wave nescecary good at sriviving good at being charmnig puts on a show does tricks runs

  6. #8726
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    lovely, NINE was that you again?
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  7. #8727
    Your average edge/angst supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    I got my hopes up for a second and thought NINE actually made a sheet.
    Oh well.

  8. #8728
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    Source: Peakpx

    Class: Lancer
    Other Classes: N/A
    True Name: Florence Foster Jenkins
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Place of Origin: United States (20th century)

    Parameters:

    STR: D
    END: C
    AGI: C
    MGI: D
    LCK: B
    NP: B

    Height: 170cm
    Weight: 150lbs
    Likes: Her own singing, bringing joy to others
    Dislikes: Mockery
    Talent: Singing shrilly
    Natural Enemy: Elizabeth Bathory
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Female, Weak to Enuma Elish, Humanoid
    Armament: Shrill F
    Catalyst: One of her costumes

    Class Skills:
    Magic Resistance C: She met several magi in life, so learned how to resist weak spells. However, high-ranked spells cannot be resisted, and spells from the Age of Gods will completely bypass this.

    Personal Skills:
    Delusion Trigger E~C: A skill granted to those who have abnormally warped views of the world around them. Florence's view of the world wavers between believing she is the best singer to ever live and knowing that she isn't a good singer, but that no one can say that she didn't try and put emotion into it. If she is heavily wavered into believing that she is the best, it may bleed into the world around her, causing everyone to believe she is the best and most incredible. In addition, no matter this skill's rank, it permits her to fly via the costume wings on her back.
    A Bright Light A: She was known to be an awful singer, but still admired by great celebrities and musicians, because her singing brought joy to everyone who heard it, just not in the way she thought it would. This passively causes every note she sings to place an effect of joy onto anyone who hears it, bringing them out of their negative emotions.
    Encore C: The sublimation of her constantly being requested to play an encore, especially of Clavelitos. It manifests as the ability to invoke an encore. This Encore serves as a temporary Battle Continuation, though it only lasts for two and a half minutes, the duration of Clavelitos.


    Noble Phantasm(s):

    Shrill F
    Carnegie Hall Mockery

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B
    Range: 100 meters
    Max Targets: 1900 targets

    This noble phantasm is the sublimation of singing, and the anecdote that when the taxicab she was in hit a car, she was able to scream a high F, the highest note she ever sung, and thus didn't sue and sent the driver a box of expensive cigars. It manifests in the form of a simple spear (though it seems more similar to a tuning fork). It bears the property of a shrill scream, allowing it to pass through physical defences below C rank, but get stopped by auditory defences. In addition, due to the idea that sopranos can shatter glass with their scream, it is able to attune to the frequency of an item, creating tiny fractures that are more vulnerable. In addition, if this noble phantasm is activated, it becomes the sublimation of her final concert, where she invited critics. It channels the mockery she received, charging it before releasing an Anti-Army attack that hits harder against people with more ego, symbolizing the mockery that broke her pride and joy in singing. In addition, it adds an effect of extremely intense sadness to those with greater legacies, which may cause Servants, who have naturally high legacies, to fall on the spot. However, her spiritual core fractures when she uses this, and after a day, she will immediately be eliminated from the war.


    Lore: Florence Foster Jenkins was a socialite and amateur soprano who was known for her poor singing ability and flamboyant costumes. It is unclear whether she ever actually realized that her singing wasn't excellent. But many famous people made an effort to come to as many of her shows as they could, because every time they attended, they'd gain so much joy from the humor of her singing. Her final concert was at Carnegie Hall, and there, the critics finally were able to write about it. Five days later, she died of a heart attack.

    Personality: A genuinely kind and helpful woman. She wishes that her singing will bring joy to people. However, her Delusion Trigger has warped her so much that she instead goes through periods where she believes she is the greatest in the world and periods where she believes she is worthless and simply causes hatred. Her wish for the grail, in both forms, would be to remove her delusion trigger.

    Relationships:
    Mozart: "La la La! Did you enjoy my special performance?" "It has brought me so much joy." "Wonderful!"
    Phantom of the Opera: "No, I am not Christine! I am better. I am Florence! Hear me sing as I touch the sky!"
    Jekyll and Hyde: "I understand your... plight. I am having a similar problem. I just want to remove it and find out who I truly am."
    Scheherazade: "You are an absolutely incredible storyteller. Although I am an... awful singer, would you mind if I adapted some of your stories?"
    Last edited by jishara; June 2nd, 2022 at 09:55 PM.

  9. #8729
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Florence Jenkins: Interesting to see a non-Foreigner take on her after Del's version. For Delusion Trigger, what are the effects caused by her delusions bleeding onto the world? Does it just make everyone around think she's a great singer or what? Also Encore feels more like the effect of an NP than a Skill IMO. I'd make it more of a Battle Continuation-like effect where she can rise back up after "ending" her performance. Lastly you say she has Riding because it's a Class Skill but Lancers don't actually have that. I read quickly and actually thought she was meant to be summoned as Rider at first because of that.

  10. #8730
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    you are creative when it comes to making skills and NPs out of anecdotes but here it is a bit too much. If you want to give her wings, say it is a costume but DT makes them real on some occasions.
    And combine the 2nd and 3rd NP into one.
    If you have a modern servant with 3 NPs you need to reconsider them because they tend to be weaker than older ones, especially an old lady with a silly voice.

    I hope the next rework contest allows me to rework Florence as an Archer and forget the try hard period back then.
    Last edited by DelRey; May 26th, 2022 at 12:49 PM.
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  11. #8731
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    you are creative when it comes to making skills and NPs out of anecdotes but here it is a bit too much. If you want to give her wings, say it is a costume but DT makes them real on some occasions.
    And combine the 2nd and 3rd NP into one.
    If you have a modern servant with 3 NPs you need to reconsider them because they tend to be weaker than older ones, especially an old lady with a silly voice.

    I hope the next rework contest allows me to rework Florence as an Archer and forget the try hard period back then.
    Hi Delrey, thanks for your feedback. I have added the first NP into Delusion Trigger and fused NPs 2 and 3 together.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Florence Jenkins: Interesting to see a non-Foreigner take on her after Del's version. For Delusion Trigger, what are the effects caused by her delusions bleeding onto the world? Does it just make everyone around think she's a great singer or what? Also Encore feels more like the effect of an NP than a Skill IMO. I'd make it more of a Battle Continuation-like effect where she can rise back up after "ending" her performance. Lastly you say she has Riding because it's a Class Skill but Lancers don't actually have that. I read quickly and actually thought she was meant to be summoned as Rider at first because of that.
    Hi Royd, it basically causes everyone to think her as the best and most incredible person there. I have altered Encore and removed Riding. Thanks for your feedback!
    Last edited by jishara; May 26th, 2022 at 01:08 PM.

  12. #8732
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    lovely, NINE was that you again?
    No. I was taking a nap because I woke up at 3:20 AM and didn’t get any sleep until 10 AM. What the hell was that?

  13. #8733
    Local Extra Class Aficionado DelRey's Avatar
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    are you sure you werent sleepwalking or something?
    I have only seen you accomplish the dead-on-arrival achievement here
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  14. #8734
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    Class: Alter Ego
    True Name: Ibn Khaldun
    Origins: Tunisia
    Alignment: True Evil

    Parameters:
    Strength: B
    Agility: C
    Endurance: A
    Mana: A++
    Luck: EX
    NP: EX



    Class SkillsHigh Servant (-Rank): This skill marks this servant as a high servant, a servant that is composed of multiple divine spirits in his body. That make up the grand total of his spirit origin.

    Territory Creation (EX Rank):The ability to create a massive workshop, in Ibn Khaldun case it’s an observatory that observe the history of the land surrounding it and this observatory can make prediction in the future based on the events that has happen in the past. Creating this imaginary formula of clairvoyance.

    Prescence Concealment (C+ Rank): Due to Ibn Khaldun nature to hide himself away from days on end. In case of any sort of conflict until the action died down has grant him this skill. Its efficiency is increase if there is major conflict in the area.


    Personal SkillsBaal’s Assabiyah (A++ Rank): This skill allows Ibn Kaldun to use the aspect of Baal as the communal deity and Ibn Khaldun’s concept of Assabiyah to link together the mana of a large group of creatures and amplified them of each other, Into a strong fighting force. But the catch is that the also feel the sense of the all the member so if one of the is hurt the pain transfer to the whole group.

    Yaldabaoth’s Order (A Rank): A highly potent metal skill that draws inspiration and awe towards Ibn Kaldun. When it’s active the people are slowly control in a trance like state as it’s work similar to massive wide Imperial Privilege skill as the skills and talents of all that is around his are seal and taken by Ibn Khaldun.

    This skill stems from the Yaldabaoth’s role in stealing the spark of humankind curiosity and advancement. But also, the second stage of Ibn Khaldun Cyclical History and that is the group became more complacent and gave up communal style to prop up a single individual.


    Balor’s Bane (A++ Rank): The Skill allows Ibn Khaldun to sap opponent mana to create demonic clones of their worst enemy. As they increase and multiply to a monstrous army. This skill is most effective on large group of people. This skill stems form Balor’s Formosan army and The Third and Final stage of Ibn Khaldun, Cyclical History and that is the decline of the nation’s being swallowed up by neighboring emerging powers their so-called barbarian’s.


    Noble PhantasmUniversal Matrix, Kitab Al Ibar
    Type: Reality Marble.
    Rank: EX

    This Noble Phantasm transform a country wide area into simulation like reality marble. Where Ibn Khaldun can test many different outcomes of everything that has ever happen in that bubble of an area. The multiple outcomes can be simulated into branching realties. Like a miniature version of the Moon Cell Program but a bit more limited in scope as the only data that it can access it the data of that pertaining to that particular area. But his doesn’t full control over it and the Noble Phantasm acts more like seed program generator. Where Ibn Khaldun set some parameters for the Noble Phantasm to run but the results are totally out of his hand.


    Misc LinesLikes: I rather like people watching, seeing their interactions and watching history unfold right in front of me. I also like to write down an interesting tid bits that came out with them in my journal.

    Dislike: The Arrogance of Civilization, and the term barbarian. It’s just so condescending that every time that a civilization rose to power, they began to look down on others that surrounding it and this term was born. Forgetting that in their history that they once were the so-called barbarian that called others

    Holy Grail: This is an interesting item, I always wanted to use on my hypothetical history experiments. Seeing this thing is the cause of many different singularities. But I am guessing that you would stop again, like last time.

    Event: Let see how this event unfold but given your track record. I doubt it a simple walk in the park.


    Bond LinesBond Line 1: I never thought that I would be summon here at Chaldea of all places, but you seem quite forgetful for my past transgressions. Are you choosing to ignore it for the shake of your goals?

    Bond Line 2: Tell me Master, seeing many different points of history unfolding in front of your eyes. Walking down these moments, how does it feel. Nothing much huh I guess since the only records of it is in people of Chaldea

    Bond Line 3: Oh, don’t mind me master is that I always wonder on how you thrive in moments of crisis so just pretend that I am not here.

    Bond Line 4: Interesting, I looked over your activities and history all I see is that of a common history that is always present in any single person on earth. Nothing that is notable at all. But all the same, the things that you achieve is beyond the comprehension of regular man.

    Bond Line 5: I see your small rise from the ashes of humanity then rise up towards the challenges that fate has your put through but now at the world’s end you see yourself declining back towards the ashes. You crumble to wind or would you reform and rise again like a phoenix.


    Craft Essence

    Al-Muqaddimah

    History now where to begin with you, all throughout mankind things fell into pieces as things. The beginning of all things that is question that mankind has always ask themselves. Whether it about life itself or the belief we held this always the question on our minds that where is it that all things began. This is my little introduction towards the grand story that we all are in right now.



    Last edited by Ismail2002; May 26th, 2022 at 05:06 PM.

  15. #8735
    屍鬼 Ghoul TresserT's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=HumanComplex;3197487]Review for the Beast of Based Thoughts and IRL pope idol influencer group when?

    Beast (Lilith-Niggurath)/QUOTE]
    Thank you for the feedback. To clarify something, she views humanity with complete disgust. She doesn't hate them per se, it's more that she has an instinctual gut reaction to us the way we'd look at excrement. That said she DOES need Adam's genes to produce what she sees as "true" humanity, so she sees us as something she has to deal with since Adam is long dead. On that note, as long as her children contain hers and Adam's DNA, a little extra isn't that big a deal. So mass producing demons is fair game as long as they breed with Adam's kids. Nega-Breeder is also specifically because she's made for breeding- her womb can make children out of the DNA of anything that reproduces via sex.

    The rest is pretty fair though. I was running off Nasu's in-universe hyping of true demons and outer gods, but I guess since we don't actually know much about them besides "big and scary", saying that she can make them en masse just kind of amounts to a whole lot of nothing. I think in the future if I use vague Nasu concepts like that I'll try to be more specific about what exactly their abilities are.


    On a different note, I want to give feedback for other peoples' sheets since I enjoy reading the feedback on mine, but I don't know most of these figures and I'm not confident enough about writing sheets to give criticism. But I do enjoy reading them.

  16. #8736
    夜属 Nightkin TQG Imaginatorious's Avatar
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    I have been meaning to ask for a while now, jishara, why are a lot of your Servants 170 cm tall and weigh 150 lbs? Is that like a habit for you?

  17. #8737
    闇色の六王権 The Dark Six pinetree's Avatar
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    If he's like me, he probably forgets to even look at it and change it between Servants.
    I should honestly take those off from my sheets because your comment right now and NINE's comment on Phryne made me realize people actually look at it lol

  18. #8738
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    Quote Originally Posted by TQG Imaginatorious View Post
    I have been meaning to ask for a while now, jishara, why are a lot of your Servants 170 cm tall and weigh 150 lbs? Is that like a habit for you?
    Oh, yeah, that. I keep forgetting to actually edit it, so I generally have it at a generic height/weight duo unless there is someone that I particularly remember to change haha. I'll probably go back through and change them when I get a chance.

  19. #8739
    Your average edge/angst supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Ibn Khaldun: Lol, it's funny how we both use a Sinbad fc for a guy whose schtick involves absorbing gods in one way or another. I feel like this one's justification for absorbing Baal, Yaldabaoth, and Balor is kinda weak, though. I sort of get that there are parallels between his work and those three particular deities, but that alone probably shouldn't be enough for him to use those Skills, especially at rank A/A++, unless you have a lore section that really elaborates on how he came across those authorities.

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    Source: quinn on twitter

    Class: Foreigner
    Other Classes: N/A
    True Name: Argos
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Place of Origin: Greek Mythology

    Parameters:

    STR: D
    END: A
    AGI: D
    MGI: D
    LCK: C
    NP: A+

    Height: 168cm
    Weight: 154lbs
    Likes: His master, anyone who is kind to him
    Dislikes: Suitors to married women
    Talent: Waiting
    Natural Enemy: Abigail Williams
    Attribute: Sky
    Traits: Male
    Armament: Claws that can unswivel on his arms
    Catalyst: The excerpt of the odyssey discussing him, the phrase "Man's Best Friend"

    Class Skills:

    Divinity B: Argos gains this high rank due to his heavy synergy with his patron god. This rank is equivalent to a top-level demigod.
    Existence Outside the Domain C: Denotes the capacity to exist within Void Space. Argos is theoretically capable of existing outside of the domain well, but can't do it in practice, as his manifestation is not suited to it.
    Insanity N/A: His patron god made an active effort to not drive him insane, and he naturally wasn't insane at all.

    Personal Skills:

    Mystic Eyes of Truth A
    : Granted to him due to the fact he was instantly able to realize Odysseus, under an illusion cast by the Goddess of Wisdom, was him. This enables him to see through any and all illusions ever cast. He can also project out the truth, removing illusions from the world. Due to his fusion with the Arch-Lord of Tindalos, this also enables him to create immense shadows.
    Shadow Walker C-: A skill granted to him by his contract with the Arch Lord of Tindalos. It enables him to be able to walk through shadows, teleporting between shadows that have less then a 2 foot distance between the two. However, it is exhausting for him to do that, as his manifestation is not suited to it.
    Name of Loyalty A+: Argos is synonymous with loyalty, and thus gains this skill. It means that no effect that will make him disloyal below the rank of A+ will be usable on him. Hense, he can't be charmed, controlled, puppeteered, or otherwise made to attack his master or his allies.

    Noble Phantasm(s):

    Afosiosi
    I Won't Ever Fall



    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: A
    Range: His vision range
    Max Targets: 1

    The ability granted to him via the deal with the Arch-Lord of Tindalos. It takes the form of a simple wish of his: Please, make sure I won't go to the Underworld until I see my Master one last time. Thus, it takes the form of a similar thing in this form. A passive ability that bears the simple property that Argos cannot fade away unless his Master is within his vision range. No matter how much he is injured, no matter how many instant-destroy abilities are used on him, unless an instant-death noble phantasm greater then rank A hits him, he will not fall.

    Cerberus Tindalos
    And The Hound Rages


    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: A
    Range: 200m
    Max Targets: 200

    An ability born of his contract with the Arch-Lord of Tindalos. This ability may be activated by him at any time. When activated, he summons a Hound of Tindalos. However, due to his personality and understanding of how they work, it has been instead shaped into an equivalent of Cerberus,the Guard of the Underworld. Despite not being in its true form, it is still an extremely powerful Divine Beast, with the ability to teleport into any shadow and having a strong bite. Its most powerful ability is a Dragon Breath, an immense howl bearing the sonic attribute.

    Lore: Argos was the dog of Odysseus. What history records of him was simply an abnormally long-living dog, who was able to recognise his master even through Athena's illusions, and died from excitement after seeing him again. However, history hides something. The Arch-Lord of Tindalos made a deal with him. It allowed him to be able to recognise his master, and to never die until he is able to see his master once more. In exchange, Tindalos originally wanted to hijack Argos and transform him into one of his hounds. However, they grew a genuine friendship, so instead, he simply took his part of the deal as a single tail wag from Argos.

    Personality: An extraordinarily cheerful and friendly person. He acts like a puppy, constantly wanting to befriend anyone he meets. He doesn't want to harm anyone, although he will to protect his Master if he has to. His wish for the grail is simple, to be able to grant his friend, the Arch-Lord, his own wish.

    Relationships:
    Viking: "Hey big bro! How are you? Are you able to keep up with your friendship network? Oh, that's great."
    Ashina: "Hello! Would you like to be friends? No? That's fine. Very nice to meet you though!"
    Cat servants: "Hello! Why am I struggling? Just holding back my instincts. Anyways, would you like to be friends?"
    Abigail Williams: "Heya, nice to meet a fellow foreigner. Oh, are you okay?"

    Creator Notes: Thanks WhiteFrenzy and Ismail for allowing me to do relationship lines with their characters Viking and Ashina.
    Last edited by jishara; June 2nd, 2022 at 11:43 PM.

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