Oh, don't you worry about that.Originally Posted by NittyGritty
Oh, don't you worry about that.
i would like a celll with Scherezarde or Murasaki Shikibu please ~
Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !
When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...
Safir: Didn't want to bowl over this but maaaaaan
The feels
Sir Safir: This is a pretty solid sheet. Always feels bad to see these sorts of massive scale tragedies from the perspective of relatively minor characters who didn't have any control over the situation, and the storytelling at play made it land effectively. I like the idea of this sort of 'flickering' effect where he's borrowing the powers of his brothers, although personally I would have included a line about it tying it at least somewhat closer to his combat mimicking powers since it doesn't really make sense why he has soul channeling powers beyond just 'sibling bond' stuff, and that would have given just a little something extra to make sense without really changing anything else. I also don't really get why his dad being summoned shuts if off if the whole point is he's borrowing power from the brothers specifically, is it because his siblings are just more inclined to listen to dad over him?
Also, unrelated, but I'm surprised you put together a concept for a Reverse Side Arthurian themed story and didn't decide to use Lanval. That guy's just chilling in Avalon already without needing to write a backstory justification for his presence there, seems like he'd slot in pretty cleanly.
You will bunk with Edward Teach and you will like it.
What !?
No thanks !!!!!!!!!
- - - Updated - - -
there goes the intelectual evenings with high quality Women of culture .
Your verified Chikara-production Studios !
Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !
When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...
Eyyy, thanks mate!
You're probably right on the issues with the NP. The thought behind it was that he, as a sort of second fiddle supporting character, was unable to do anything that truely made him stand out, aside from being the only survivor of a family who seemed doomed to getting killed off. The unnamed to the questing beast, Segwarides in the assault to rescue Gwen, Oswain outright jobbing to Tristain, and Palamedes being the rival to Tristain who was bested in most of the stories, and killed by either him or Gawain. I took the concept of his mimicry with the mindset "they're dead, but their techniques live on through him" and thought of where I could take that further, with him actually calling upon them, returning to the last of his line stuff.
His dad's part was admittedly an afterthought, so I'm glad you brought that up, so I might take it out because yeah, on reading it again, it doesn't hold up to me as well as the other part, so thanks for that! Gonna make some alterations later tonight with the critiques you've tossed me here
Also, DID NOT know about Lanval, just looked him up and he sounds rife with opportunities, so again, thank you, might just use that.
Last edited by Vididii; February 6th, 2023 at 06:15 PM.
Just... Why? But then again, why not?
In the hidden plains of the Internet, there are only the lurkers.
As a pirate he should be pretty good at
Hooking up
"Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."
Behold my vault of Heroes.
Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.
The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings
Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
Create-a-Servant 4 soon.
... What has this place become? How did the sacred, holy, wholesome ultimate deterrence against the sin of list became this perverted... Is what I would say if the jail doesn't have a cell with the Dioscuri. Yes both of them.
Source: Limkuk
Class: Caster
Other Classes: Avenger (Alter)
True Name: Juana Inez De La Cruz
Alignment: Neutral Good
Place of Origin: Mexico (17th Century)
Stars: 3/5
Parameters:
STR: E
END: B
AGI: C
MGI: B
LCK: C
NP: C
Height: 184cm
Weight: 120lbs
Likes: Writing, knowledge
Dislikes: Prejudice
Talent: Writing in all fields
Natural Enemy: Nikolai Gogol
Attribute: Man
Traits: Female, Humanoid, Weak to Enuma Elish
Armament: A quill
Catalyst: Her signature
Class Skills:
Territory Creation B: The capability to create a Studio in which her works become more effective. It visually manifests in the form of a library with stained-glass windows, filled with books of all kinds that she tends to retreat to and read.
Item Construction C: The capacity to create items. She can merely create mundane items associated with the arts.
Personal Skills:
Tenth Muse A: The sublimation of the title that she was granted as the "tenth muse", this incorporates numerous other skills, such as Divinity at rank D, as one called a muse, as well as Genius at rank C, as she was a natural genius, and also Protection of the Gods (Music, Science, and Writing) at rank A, as naturally she is a muse and holds the favor of the other muses. This final skill is also her reason for classifying as the Caster class, for she gains the ability to utilize magic based on those fields.
El Caracol C: The sublimation of her lost work, El Caracol, wherein she attempted to simplify music notation and fix the issues to do with the Pythagorean system. The capacity to simplify the "notation" for a spell, shortening the casting time while minimizing the chance of error. This also allows her to detect any errors associated with the spell.
Chains of Love B: The sublimation of one of her most famous poems, her Sonnet 173. The capacity to manifest "chains of love" that appear like glowing lavender chains and serve as her primary weapon. She tends to utilize them akin to extra arms or like wings. These blows gain in power based on the potential of a target's love, with one who holds no love at all it merely passing through intangibly, while for one who is full of love for all things it burns with an intense flame.
Noble Phantasm(s):
First Dream
Sublime Imagination
Type: Reality Marble
Rank: C
Range: 100 meters
Max Targets: 1000 targets
The sublimation of her most famous Poem, the First Dream. This manifests in the form of a Reality Marble which can only be created when she falls asleep. A domain filled with tall pyramids, of which every entity within is at the peak of their own personal one, representing their thoughts. Juana is at the top of the tallest one. In this state, she gains the ability to soar through this, inspecting the world carefully and analyzing the hearts of the other people within. This can also be used offensively without a full activation, forcing the full knowledge of it into a target's mind and causing them to temporarily lose themselves to the sheer amount of information that floods in, none of which remains within their mind following this.
Lore: Sor Juana Ines De La Cruz (1648-1695) was a writer, poet, music composer, and philosopher during the Baroque Era in Mexico's Colonial period. She was also a nun. She was often called the "Tenth Muse". However, during her life, she was forced to give up her works and to never write again.
Personality: A kind and genuine person. She loves sciences and writing, and will tend to seclude herself in her library whenever she gets the chance. However, she isn't averse to people coming in to talk with her. She dislikes those who disparage her and don't believe she can accomplish great things. Her wish for the grail is to not have been forced to give up her works.
Relationships:
Carlo Gesualdo: "Music should not be this mad!"
Nadia Boulanger: "A music teacher? Very impressive!"
Lubna of Cordoba: "Oh! So good to see you! I've heard great things about your library!"
Wallada Bint Al Mustakfi: "Your poetry is certainly interesting."
Ranavalona I: "Interesting idea. It is unfortunate it didn't work."
Oh no. What have I done?
You pay for what you're done my bud.
In the hidden plains of the Internet, there are only the lurkers.
Source: Where the Silence Blooms
Class: Assassin
Other Classes: N/A
True Name: Peggy Shippen
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Place of Origin: America (18th Century)
Stars: 2/5
Parameters:
STR: D
END: D
AGI: C
MGI: C
LCK: C
NP: C
Height: 183cm
Weight: 120lbs
Likes: Being paid well
Dislikes: Double-crossers
Talent: Manipulation
Natural Enemy: Any American heroic spirit
Attribute: Man
Traits: Humanoid, Female, Weak to Enuma Elish
Armament: A hidden dagger
Catalyst: A letter of hers
Class Skills:
Presence Concealment C: The capacity to hide in plain sight, granted to her due to her acts of subterfuge.
Personal Skills:
Invisible Ink B: The sublimation of the constant coded communications sent by her. Coded messages from her husband and her were written in invisible ink, while she wrote an actual letter next to it. The capacity to shroud communications in idle chatter, nullifying the "capability to notice" communications that she doesn't wish be noticed.
Falsified Reactions C: The sublimation of the histrionics that she utilized to draw attention off of her, manifesting in the form of a skill which allows her to push the feeling that "she is feeling a certain emotion" into their heads, no matter what she appears to be feeling, or that "she couldn't have had any part in it", even if she is actively playing a part while doing this. However, the more contradictory it is, the less likely it is to hold, and it is still also Mental Interference.
High-Paid Spy B: The sublimation of her status as the highest-paid spy of the American Revolution. The capacity to "force payment" by means of mana to anyone she provides aid to, scaling depending on the difficulty, as passing them the salt would provide almost nothing, while saving their life or risking her own would provide massive influxes of Mana.
Noble Phantasm(s):
The Disillusioned People
Whispering from the People's Ears
Type: Support
Rank: C
Range: 0m
Max Targets: 0 targets
The sublimation of her role in convincing her husband, Benedict Arnold, to betray the Continental army. This manifests as an auditory effect with her, with her every whisper becoming far more convincing and charismatic. When the true name is called, she utilizes the most convincing phrasing to her particular target that she can (naturally, this is more effective the better she knows the target), to convince them to always follow her bidding. This is Mental Interference.
Lore: Margaret "Peggy" Shippen (1760-1804) was the highest-paid spy of the American Revolution and wife of Benedict Arnold. She was noted for convincing her husband to betray the Continental army and work with the British forces. She helped facilitate the communication between her husband and the British.
Personality: A blunt and greedy person. She became jaded with the world after seeing just how much slaughter went on in the name of freedom, and so chose to save them by means of defeating them. Naturally, she also demanded that she was paid well for taking a side. She gets along well with those who wish to reduce the destruction by any cost. Naturally, that is her wish, more specifically to prevent the Continental forces from being properly created. However, she doesn't truly believe she can make it come true.
Relationships:
Baba Anujka: "You are truly interesting.... wait, why did you cause bloodshed? For money? I suppose..."
Louis XI: "Payment in advance, please, before you assign me a role."
Helen Taft: "So, it stabilized? I suppose that was the.... second-best solution."
Teresa Teng: "If you care so much, why do you aid war?"
Princess Elizabeth of France: "One who tries to stop bloodshed no matter what. Why must you be so aggravating?"
Ganelon
“All you have in this life is your loyalty and legacy. If that means being the bad guy, the red right hand, then that’s a path I’m willing to take. I’m so glad to serve you, my Emperor.”
PARAMETERS
STR
C
END
B
AGI
B
MNA
B
LCK
E
NP
A
PERSONAL TRAITS
Class: Saber
Aliases:
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Traits: Male, Servant, Humanoid, Weak to Enuma Elish
Attribute: Sky
Gender: Male
H/W: 180cm/65kg
Source: Matter of France
Region: France, Germany
CLASS SKILLS
Riding (A)
Due to his association with the griffin myth and in one tale even becoming a griffin, he is capable of riding the highest tier of phantasmal beasts.
Magic Resistance (A)
Cancel spells of A-Rank or below, no matter what greater magecraft it is. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer".
PERSONAL SKILLS
Tactics (B)
An extremely wise tactician who always seeks the straightest path to victory. This skill served Charlemagne well and he even continued to use it when he engineered the death of Roland.
The Emperor’s Red Right Hand(A)
An odd skill compositing multiple others. This skill represents his absolute loyalty and fanaticism towards Charlemagne. It acts as a kind of elemental strengthening with a theme on ice and holiness, representing the coldness of his heart and his faith. He gains stats and strength whenever acting in what he believes is his master’s best interests, no matter how horrible an atrocity he might be committing. While using it, the air around him will chill and he will take on a frightening, impersonal appearance. He will seem like a demon of the empire.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Murgleis, the Death Brand
Type
Anti-Unit
Rank
A
Range
1-2m
Max. Targets
1
Murgleis, a holy sword that Ganelon proudly wielded. It glows with a dark light and acts as a destroyer against evil. It increases in strength with the wielder’s faith, of which Ganelon has plenty. However, its true power comes from its ability to brand an enemy for death. Once he has hit a target four times with it, he can activate the True Name release and deal a terrible cursed blow to them, instantly killing weaker enemies.
True Name Release is once per battle.
BIOGRAPHY
Ganelon, one of the paladins of Charlemagne, was his most loyal supporter. He was the one who was feared most of all as The Emperor’s Red Right Hand, the one who committed the most horrific of acts. However, he grew jealous of Roland and vowed revenge on him. This revenge took the form of plotting an ambush in which Roland fell. However, he would not get away with the deed, as God would reveal his treachery. First, the Duke Benes would dream of Ganelon as a mad griffin, and second, his comrade fell in a trial by combat, proving his guilt. Ganelon was tortured and exectuted.
PERSONALITY
To sum up his personality in a word, it would be “Loyalty.” Any setbacks? Insufficient loyalty. Any joy? Comes from loyalty. He believes the ultimate legacy comes from living a stainless life of loyalty, no matter what horrible acts you commit. He is obsessed with helping Charlemagne, to the point of fixation, and sees his master as an extension of Charlemagne. He might not fully obey them, as they are not the true emperor, but he’ll do his best to achieve their goals. He refuses to acknowledge his status as a traitor. Additionally, an insult once given to him, is never forgotten and instead is revenged.
DIALOGUE AND RELATIONSHIPS
Wish: “I’d like to be Charlemagne’s red right hand again. The happiest time of my life. Forever.”
Likes: Loyalty, Legacy, Coffee
Dislikes: Disloyalty, Criticism
When he talks to Mordred: “Hello, filthy traitor.”
When he talks to Charlemagne: “It’s you! It’s you! I bow to you, my liege.”
When he talks to Astolfo: “I understand that we both serve the same emperor, but do you have to act like that? It’s undignified…”
Bond 10 CE: Ganelon’s Legacy
My arms hurt.
I think they already ripped off my legs.
I regret nothing.
I served Charlie to the best of my ability.
I made the right choice.
This is my legacy.
Any advice?
Last edited by Dreamerless; February 8th, 2023 at 11:11 AM.
Ganelon: The Skills and NP are mostly fine but emphasis on loyalty to Charlemagne feels strange when he's most famous for betraying him in life. You even acknowledge that in the Bio section but don't really reconcile it with his loyalty obsession. I expected you were going to go for some thousand IQ keikaku-twist where he took on the role of bad guy and betrayed Charlemagne to strengthen him somehow but... nothing.
For more minor critiques Magic Resistance- A is probably too high for someone who never had personal anecdotes of resisting Magecraft in life. Granted that he was a knight who could've theoretically fought against Mages just B-rank should suffice. Murgleis could similarly be lowered to B given it's sure-kill effect is basically a weaker Gae Bolg, requiring he hit the enemy four times first.
I was trying to do a kind of twist where he decides to be the villain to help out Charlemagne (trying to push him to be more brutal), in the CE 10 section, but I see that might not be clear. You're right that the Phantasm isn't too good and Magic Resistance is too high.
- - - Updated - - -
Psychopomp
“You get what everyone gets. You get a lifetime. That’s the way it is.”
PARAMETERS
STR
E
END
E
AGI
E
MNA
A
LCK
A
NP
EX
PERSONAL TRAITS
Class: Assassin
Aliases: Hermes, Death, Anubis, Daena, The Raven, Charon, Many Others (They aren’t actually these individuals, but merely fill in for them from time to time and take credit for those parts of their legends.)
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Traits: Servant, Female, Humanoid, Personification, Weak to Enuma Elish
Attribute: Human
Gender: Female, but only since they feel like it
H/W: Variable. They prefer to be of average height and weight
Source: Collective Legend
Region: Everywhere
CLASS SKILLS
Presence Concealment (EX)
Due to their status as Death, a natural process of the world, it is borderline impossible to sense their presence over the natural sounds and mana of the world. She becomes wholly undetectable unless she reveals herself. However, this skill does not work on those who are close to dying or have a high chance of dying.
Divinity (B)
Due to many interpretations of them being a deity, they have this skill at B, similar to a demigod.
PERSONAL SKILLS
I Remember You (EX)
After everyone dies, it is commonly thought that they are forgotten. This is incorrect. Psychopomp remembers them and is capable of calling upon a very diluted form of their memories. This is their only skill that helps them in combat, as they can use magecraft based on this information. Basically, for a short period of time, she can gain skills equivalent to a low level Caster servant.
Death Has No Boundaries (EX)
Just as there is no way of keeping out Death, there is no way of keeping out Psychopomp either. She is immune to barrier type spells, walking through them as if they were nothing.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Take My Hand
Type
Anti-Unit
Rank
EX
Range
N/A
Max. Targets
1
The personification of Psychopomp’s Legend. Upon a dying enemy she can force them to admit death and usher them into the next life, comforting them but also truly killing them. Essentially, this can be used to instantly kill a heavily wounded individual.
BIOGRAPHY
Assassin is Psychopomp, the collective legend of the taker of souls and the one who guides you to the next life. She exists as a guide to the afterlife and comfort to the dead. She is not Death per say, but merely the guide and servant of Death.
PERSONALITY
Psychopomp is pleasant, down to earth, and perky. She is extremely cheerful despite her depressing job and makes it her duty to make it so everyone is happy before they go on to Elsewhere. She treats her Master as a friend and in truth does not hate anyone, even murderers. Everyone has an equally beautiful life and she makes sure they will have a beautiful death.
DIALOGUE AND RELATIONSHIPS
Wish: “I know it sounds selfish and life is going on the way it always does, but I think that once per year, I’d like to be allowed to save one person from dying. Some cute kid who got run over or an old granny with cancer. Yeah, that’d be nice.”
Likes: “Tons of stuff! Hot dogs, sunny days, gold fish, watching kids play tennis. You know, the stuff everyone loves.”
Dislikes: Depressing Poems
When she talks to Gilgamesh: “You’re the one who tried to live forever! I remember you!”
When she talks to Gilles: “How can you glorify slaughter like that?
When she talks to :
Bond 10 CE: A kind smile. A gentle hand. A face that everyone seems to remember. That’s what death is. Sleep now, Children.
- - - Updated - - -
Abel
“I’ve got a sword now Cain, and I’ll put it through your fucking teeth!”
PARAMETERS
STR
C
END
C
AGI
C
MNA
B
LCK
E
NP
EX
PERSONAL TRAITS
Class: Avenger
Aliases:
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Traits: Humanoid, Servant, Male, Weak to Enuma Elish
Attribute: Human
Gender: Male
H/W: 70kg, 180 cm
Source: Biblical Lore
Region: Israel
CLASS SKILLS
Avenger (EX)
He is practically an embodiment of revenge, literally running off of spite and rage. This makes it very easy for him to get stronger the angrier he is.
Oblivion Correction(A)
He refuses to forget what Cain has done to him, making him borderline immune to all memory manipulation.
Mana Replenishment (A)
He can use his blood to heal his mana, allowing him to recover large amounts of mana each turn.
PERSONAL SKILLS
Image of God A+: Abel’s parents, Adam and Eve, were created in God’s image, both in body and soul. Their bodies reflected the body of God himself, as it can reasonably be said that their bodies were the closest thing to seeing God’s own body. This skill is similar to the skill “Natural Body”, but while Abel is Adam and Eve’s second born, and as such should reasonably have this skill in the same rank as his parents, this skill has been deranked due to the hatred that he holds within his heart. As a bonus, he is able to add one rank up to his Strength parameter for 1 turn with a 3 turn cooldown.
Second Man Born of Woman(EX)
Due to being considered a father of humanity, he can weakly copy skills of humanity, for a short amount of time.
Only one skill can be used at a time. 1 turn duration and a 3-turn cooldown before switching to another one. Cannot take skills that are described as burden to the body, such as Divinity or Mental Pollution, cannot be taken from this skill.
Divinity (D)
Due to some traditions seeing him as a messiah figure, he has this as being lightly related to Jesus of Nazareth. If he knew about this skill, he would laugh hysterically.
Mana Burst (Blood) (B)
This is an extension of his phantasm, allowing him to temporarily buff himself at the cost of extra mana. While doing this, his blood whips around and gives him a demonic appearance.
Provides a rank up for 1 turn with a three-turn cooldown. Cannot surpass A+.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
O Blood of Mine, Cry For Vengeance
Type
Anti-Self
Rank
EX
Range
1-5m
Max. Targets
1
It lets him control his blood as a weapon. Using it to heal, generate swords, and make tentacles or shields. It also has an “anti evil” quality to it. His true name release, which activates upon death, causes all of his blood to ceaselessly attack his killer while accusing them of murder and inflicting mental torture on them
The Favored Sacrifice
Type
Anti-Army
Rank
A
Range
1-100m
Max. Targets
1-100
By sacrificing a sheep to God, he can cause a massive pillar of holy fire to erupt, similar to David’s. This is the Sheep that he sacrificed, with God taking it but refusing Cain’s sacrifice. All those who look upon it feel their own inferiority in the face of a man’s faith.
BIOGRAPHY
Its a simple story. Cain slew Abel, his blood cried for vengeance, and this servant is his Blood. The Avenger.
PERSONALITY
He is a murder hobo who loves fight and blood. He does have a soft side in that he just wants a family and big brother, but it's buried deep inside of him.
DIALOGUE AND RELATIONSHIPS
Wish: “For that bastard Cain to get what he deserves” (this would be a hug and the family reuniting)
Likes: “Blood, Sheep”
Dislikes: “Cain, Plants”
When he talks to Cain: *RAGE*
[IMG]l[/IMG]
Last edited by Dreamerless; February 8th, 2023 at 03:41 PM.
I need help. I'm going to make two concepts in the near future - the first is Francis Xavier, the second is Francisco Goya. Which one would be better to start with?
I'm biased toward the Hakuno one.
Tzadikim Nistarim (36)
PARAMETERS
STR
D
END
D
AGI
D
MNA
A
LCK
A
NP
EX
PERSONAL TRAITS
Class: Assassin (Ok, let me explain here. They are the hidden ones of the Counter Force, the unrevealed Saints)
Aliases: The 36, Lamed Vovniks
Alignment: Lawful Good
Traits: Collective, Servant, Humanoid, Weak to Enuma Elish
Attribute: Man
Gender: N/A
H/W: Varies
Source: Kabbalah
Region: The World
CLASS SKILLS
Presence Concealment (Need) (EX)
They are capable of hiding themselves as long as a calamity is not imminent, being a natural force of the world. It is impossible to sense them, as they will seem just like a normal person. This changes when the world is coming to an end as they will cast off this “disguise” and move to saving the world. This skill also has the unlikely effect of letting them take almost any appearance, as anyone can be a saint.
God’s Resolution
Two Command Spells can be used for each Servant participating in the Holy Grail War. Cannot re-purpose the Command Spells of others. Despite not being in the Ruler class, they have been given this by the Counter Force.
PERSONAL SKILLS
Presence Detection (A)
As the custodians of the world, they are capable of detecting and knowing the identity of all beings near them.
Saint (A)
Being acknowledged as a Saint, the 36 are capable of all the feats of a saint, such as prophecy, minor miracles, healing, and the destruction of demonic entities.
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Tzaddikim Nistarim
Type
Anti-Apocalypse
Rank
EX
Range
1-???
Max. Targets
1-???
This phantasm is the “stabilising” effect that the 36 have upon the world, allowing them to obliterate any threat to humanity that is near in their presence.
This is them bringing God back into the world and through His holy power, getting rid of all the evil of the world in their area. Good servants watching them will feel calmness and quiet, while evil ones will tremble in fear. The 36 watch over us all and destroy all threats to us. This attack increases in power based on the degree of evil and calamity that the enemy has.
BIOGRAPHY
They are the 36 secret kings and queens of the world, the first 36 heroes to swear loyalty to the Counter Force, giving up all potential fame and becoming the nameless custodians of the world.
PERSONALITY
An extremely kind and holy individual. One who is tolerant of all and is unfailing in their duty, never asking for praise or recognition.
DIALOGUE AND RELATIONSHIPS
Wish: “I don’t need a wish, I have faith that all the wishes will come true.”
Likes: “What do I like? I suppose it is my duty, my life.”
Dislikes: “What do I hate? When I need to destroy something with potential for good that chooses evil.”
Yes, they're an Enkidu face claim.
How are 36, Abel, and Psychopomp? 36 is btw, a servant idea I've always loved.
Last edited by Dreamerless; February 9th, 2023 at 10:30 AM.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
