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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #7141
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    Class: Berserker
    True Name: Umar ibn Khattab
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Origins: Arabia

    Parameters:
    Strength: A
    Endurance: A+
    Agility: B-
    Mana: C
    Luck: C
    NP: EX


    Summoning Line : Berserker, Umar ibn Khattab. Please to meet your acquaintances you seem to be someone with a good head on your shoulders. Though you seem quite hesitant in your actions. Is something of the matter. I shouldn’t pry for now but I will reprimand you if you did any wrong doings

    Lore/Backgrounds:
    Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb (Arabic: عمر بن الخطاب; c. 583/584 – 3 November 644), also spelled Omar, was the second Rashidun caliph, reigning from 634 until his assassination in 644. He succeeded Abu Bakr (632–634) as the second caliph of the Rashidun Caliphate on 23 August 634. Umar was a senior companion and father-in-law of the Islamic prophet Muhammad. He was also an expert Muslim jurist known for his pious and just nature, which earned him the epithet al-Farooq ("the one who distinguishes (between right and wrong)").

    An arbitrator of the Adi clan, Umar initially opposed Muhammad, his distant Quraysh kinsman. After his conversion to Islam in 616, he became the first Muslim to openly pray at the Kaaba. Umar participated in almost all battles and expeditions under Muhammad, who bestowed the title Al-Farooq ('the Distinguisher') upon Umar, for his judgements. After Muhammad's demise, Umar pledged allegiance to Abu Bakr as the first caliph, and served as a close advisor to the latter until his death in 634, when Abu Bakr nominated Umar as his successor. Under which lies one of the most successful reign of Islamic History .


    Class Skills:
    Madness Enhancement (EX Rank): Communication with Umar is quite feasible but he often has a one-track mind when it came to justice. If he feels there is an injustice, he will pursue the root of the problem. This can lead into a lot instances of long-drawn-out lectures that might as well be intelligible for those he deems to be in the wrong. Children are really prone to this interaction


    Personal Skills
    Wanderer at the Moonlit Night (EX Rank): A type of presence concealment that activates at night, with this skill. Umar becomes an ethereal wraith that prowls the night but after the day. He only has vague memories on what he witnesses that night. This skill represents Umar nightly patrols that he had in his reign as caliph. Where he listens in to his peoples plight at night.

    Declaration of the Faithful (B+ Rank): This skill allows Umar to boost amplified his and his allies’ parameters for a short burst for up to 1 minute. But this skill, acts like a beacon for demonic beast and phantasmal. This skill is a representation of Umar open deceleration of his conversion to Islam. In that Muslims had no need to hide their identity no more. This draws a lot of anger from the Pagans of the Quraysh tribe.

    Council of the Successor (A Rank): in the case of his death, Umar is able to pass down his skills and parameters on to another making them a sort of Pseudo-servant. But this skill requires Umar to remove the six seals on his spirit core to activate and this skill can only be activated by the original Umar any pseudo servant created with this skill can’t used it anymore.


    Noble Phantasm:
    Noble Phantasm:
    Mystic Eyes of Judgment, Al-Farooq
    Type: Anti-Personnel
    Rank: EX

    Chant: Right, and wrong. I see the fine line between them. For I can judge without prejudice. Friend or foe all is equal in my eyes. For these eyes with mark your judgment, there is no escaping form your sins except to repent it. Form these holy records I shall bestow your punishment.

    This Noble Phantasm is Umar ability to see into your past and soul to judge the righteousness of them, from there Umar can see every deed that you did in your lifetime. With tracing complete Umar procure deals out the approximate punishment in accordance to the Sharia Law. These effects can be random such as minor cut in the cheek to instant death.


    Mics Lines :
    Likes: Justice, Equality, and Piety these concepts have always been the things that I love and strive for. And I can see you’re the same way, even though your struggles are a bit harder than most to achieve them.

    Dislike: Decadence and Frivolity, Earthly thing in excess. These fleeting things aren’t worth my time at all.

    Holy Grail: I rather have it melted down for scrap then it at least something that every man can use. Power such as that is nothing more but pure corruption. I wouldn’t have any of it near me.

    Event: Looks like you been up in your spirits did something happen today.


    Bond Lines:
    Bond Line 1: I hear serval complaints about you, around yesterday what is that all about. I wanted to hear your side of the story.

    Bond Line 2: Oi, Master it’s time for you to work, I can’t have you lazily lay there in your room. I think you should be more productive form now. Like help with the other staff, it would kill you to do that every once in a while

    Bond Line 3: The people here at Chaldea are really something aren’t they. They held many different kinds of wisdom but aren’t you going to do anything with the more “rambunctious ones”. With crowds like these it makes feel homesick for the quiet old hut that I used to live

    Bond Line 4: Master, can ask you something, what is your conviction. The things you been through they would eat away at a man’s soul especially one as young as yours. You reminded me when I was alive.

    Bond Line 5: You seem to be more conflicted these days is something the matter on your mind. I see, you been agonizing on whether you did the right thing. That is normal, nobody can truly know if they done the right thing. The closest thing they can get is to trust the guidance in something greater. So just relax and find that conviction in yourself again, Master.


    Creator's Notes :
    This servant is the one that I quite a bit proud of. It took me quite a while to came up with the sheet though I still haven't decided on what to use for a face claim. Got any suggestions and also what do you think of this sheet. Is there any area of it that I needed to improve upon
    Last edited by Ismail2002; January 23rd, 2022 at 09:57 PM.

  2. #7142
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    pretty cool, you sure have improved a lot. though, you might want to have a lore/background section on these, because to most people here he's not that well known.
    also pretty sure you meant to type Declaration instead of Deceleration on that 2nd personal skill

  3. #7143
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    I like his mystic eye. I’m not sure umar had anything related to his eyes that would allow him to have a mystic eye but it’s very much a rule of cool thing.

  4. #7144
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Umar : Quite well done i must say ,you get better though you could describe the appearance if you can't find a picture. Also do you later make some golden Age Scholars like Avicenna ? Also are you interested in Persian servants?
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  5. #7145
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Baron Magnus's Avatar
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    Umar: I really do like this servant... however I do have one criticism. I like the mystic eyes but they seem more fitting as a skill while the last personal skill seems more fitting as a noble phantasm. Beyond that well done. I like this servant. Even if you don't switch them, it's still a pretty good servant. excellent job. I look forward to more.
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  6. #7146
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    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; July 3rd, 2022 at 08:19 PM.
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  7. #7147
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    Umm delrey. I feel like you may have to take David-Hayk off your servant compendium.

  8. #7148
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    Somebody mind telling cursed by fortuna that I may or may not have just linked his David sheet on r/tumblr?

  9. #7149
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Alexcoene's Avatar
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    You can tell him yourself. Or ask for his permission beforehand, even. And stop double posting already. The edit button exist for a reason.

    David: This is a good sheet, tough the sword is kinda out of place for an Archer. I feel like you could have just made him a Saber instead of giving him three NPs, including one that's a revamp of his canon one. Also, why is King, Therefore Kingdom a class skill?
    Last edited by Alexcoene; January 6th, 2022 at 04:05 PM.

  10. #7150
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Umm delrey. I feel like you may have to take David-Hayk off your servant compendium.
    I don't think it works that way where when a sheet gets remade the old version is taken down from the compendium.

  11. #7151
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    what do you guys think of my servant, asking for some opinions

  12. #7152
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Alexcoene's Avatar
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    It's a good one, tough I feel the Berserker class is a real stretch.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I think you could have made him a Ruler with how justice and law-themed he is.
    Last edited by Alexcoene; January 6th, 2022 at 05:28 PM.

  13. #7153
    Darkened Misty Metropolis Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Somebody mind telling cursed by fortuna that I may or may not have just linked his David sheet on r/tumblr?
    I swear to God, if you ever post any of my shit to another website, I will report you to the mods.
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  14. #7154
    Well I can't say offhand what we can do about something offsite but I can at least tell you he's linking sheets in >10-upvote comments of his moderately popular tumblr screencap reposts about mythological figures, so he's not exactly making anyone internet-famous.

    Also

    https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comm...eb2x&context=3
    https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comm...eb2x&context=3

    Hahaha, I knew that sockpuppet name was no coincidence, good porn taste my dude

  15. #7155
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    Ashforge is the best f/f fate writer and you can’t change my mind.

  16. #7156
    Darkened Misty Metropolis Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leftovers View Post
    Well I can't say offhand what we can do about something offsite but I can at least tell you he's linking sheets in >10-upvote comments of his moderately popular tumblr screencap reposts about mythological figures, so he's not exactly making anyone internet-famous.

    Also

    https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comm...eb2x&context=3
    https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comm...eb2x&context=3

    Hahaha, I knew that sockpuppet name was no coincidence, good porn taste my dude
    Fair enough, but I'm still wary of the possible consequences of Nine bringing redditors here. The only thing that would be worse than that would be tumblrites, 4chaners, and twitter users.
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  17. #7157
    You'd be surprised by how many people here are also there. Also, I've been told that worse places than reddit have long been made aware of (and plagiarised) CaS.

  18. #7158
    後継者 Successor Bugs's Avatar
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    Nothing will quite be like the time I saw one of my sheets on amino ripped wholesale.

  19. #7159
    死徒(上級)Greater Dead Apostle Alexcoene's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's not like we're a secret club and it's not like NINES is doing much publicity. Tough I still think he should ask for someone's permission before linking their sheets on another site, for courtesy's sake.

  20. #7160
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    what do you guys think of my servant, asking for some opinions
    I really like it. You’re ability to write servant sheets has gotten progressively better since your first sheet . Hopefully you can make a truly great sheet soon.

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