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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #2401
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Well when we are already nitpicking. I think sometimes we use too many NP for a Servant. I tend to do 2 NP, but I usually do Foreigners and I think mostly 1 for the Servant and 1 related to the entity. When I saw 3 I raised a brow. I really like the sheet, dont get me wrong and the NP are all pretty interesting.
    The 2nd should stay, I really like it. Regarding the third with the previous discussion, I would tinker with it that the mud comes from himself and that is how it connects to the inner world, showing the dark aspect of him. Like a much weaker version of Tiamat.
    Regarding the first I personally would have integrated that aspect into Human Observation and make a new version of it, that shows that he can observe and use what he observed to adapt to the situation. Basically something like an acting skill, that is ranked high enough to act like he isnt a Servant. Perhaps even a reference to the play he was in. But I feel like this could work better perhaps in his Alter-Ego version, that is i guess more focussed on his play-persona, but is more aware of it and uses that to embody an 'actor' like he partly was in life.

    And thanks for the Guilty Angel skill, I dont know if i have someone to use it, but i will remember it, because it fills a hole in the Innocent Monster skill that annoyed me.
    Rider is the Class basically meant to have "all the NPs", so I think that's fair enough.

  2. #2402
    The King of Cinders Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Juleidah: Really simple idea, yet it's so well made that I can't help but like it. Her skills work really well and the idea of a identity concealment NP which also conceals one's own species to the point of them being mistaken for another entity altogether when they are alive is a neat one. Her personality works well with her backstory and abilities and the idea of a NP which allows her to keep track of the person who has it and return to their side upon use is another case of really fitting with the character. Overall she seems to be a servant who a lot of the design meshes well with, yet requires creative thinking for their best use them rather than being as simple to use as a Hassan type assassin might be. On the other hand if you were in the right situations to use these skills (maybe in a desert location where the grail war is fought, she uses her cloak and beauty to spy on other masters, using her Spirit of Smokeless flame [possibly alongside a spirit using magus] to both conceal her master's location and her wisdom of the predicament to perform hit and run attacks and stall foes) she would be a rather useful if not especially powerful servant.


    Laing Hongyu: Interesting abilities and while she is more powerful than the normal assassin class servant given her backstory and being noted as unsuited for the class overall I think it works well. The idea of a sure fire escape with the intent to return and fight is very similar to Edmond Dantes' inability to be trapped / ability to escape from every situation, but in a more limited form and works well with her capabilities as a fighter.


    Chiba Sana: I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable not the most knowledgeable on the events around the end of of the Tokugawa Shogunate or the varying names and events at that time, but I find this servant fairly enjoyable, she's very offensively oriented with a mentality almost similar to Hijikata in my eyes in terms of constantly fighting and her fixation with Ryoma (although there is some irony in that if she did ever meet Ryoma as a servant she would likely get into a fight with Oryou) and very well may end up in a fight with Ryoma himself as a result.


    Foreigner (Ritsuka):


    I actually really like this sheet, it's a neat take on a servant sheet in that rather than being about the servant and their abilities it's primarily focussed on telling a story with it. The idea of having Ritsuka like this and seeing everyone's reactions, yet him/her not being able to effectively communicate that they are fully aware of things is incredibly chilling. Seeing da Vinci and the others being so completely pragmatic about the situation with Goredolf actually having to tell them off for so casually writing off the guy who saved the world as doomed (especially when he/she is still "alive" to some extent [almost akin to a ghoul, but with his mind intact] although not that anyone probably knows that) is really powerful.


    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    It's more my belief that Parameters, Skills, and NPs should be more judged in a case by case basis rather than some overarching method for all. One example of this, and one I was partially inspired by for Francisco, was Okita Souji. Definitely weaker than most Servants, especially ones from ancient times, but still possessing high ranking Skills. Her NPs are below A but not C, even though one like Coat of Arms is seemingly weaker when compared to others of that rank. Taking into account of what these NPs do, this is understandable, as their effects are not very powerful, but still can effect the outcome of a fight, hence their ranking.
    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Going to Jim Jones, he has To Know Thy Enemy at C because it can be nullified simply by understanding his true nature, but is still a powerful ability otherwise. People's Temple is C+ due to the restraints necessary to create it and that it really only serves as a deterrent to others, though I did have to give it a little more depth to justify the ranking. Thank you, Bn, for calling me out on that. I don't think I need to say why his other his B
    Then there's Assassin Halifax with a hidden Aptitude for Slaughter (Tools) (False) (C) and a D NP. The reason it's so low is not because of how effective it makes him. In fact, with how it works, it would honestly rank as a B due to the fact it is something that can't be blocked by mental or magical resistances and could make more skilled enemies practically unstoppable. Still, it's low because Assassin isn't some highly trained killer and its effects, as it says, can be replicated by a Skill. The only reason it's an NP is because it's the culmination of his "legend".
    I actually do agree on the weapon NP and put it at C due to as the sword's properties, if not insta-killing, does somewhat more to aid his enemy rather than impair while the muleta is the more effective half. Basically, would be C+ without sword while C- with only sword. Finally, the reason Tercio de Muerte is A is due to all its effects. A Reality Marble changing the battle field to one Francisco is familiar with while enhancing all Parameters and making every landed attack critical that, should he perform well, could give him a NP. Add on it lasts 15 minutes (you know how long 15 minutes is in a combat setting?) and that a dangerous and powerful NP even if the person wielding it is below the level most Servants fight on. Which, of course, is why it has its drawbacks.
    Somewhere in this, I fell I might have lost the plot, but I basically feel ranking is subjective, as you said, but also something that should be geared toward the Servant rather than some concrete system. Not sure if that came off in what I said or if I appear as some sort of rambling madman. Time will tell, I suppose.
    ...

    I can respect that view on parameters and such and I don't mind it, I can also get gearing the ranking towards the amount of effects or the relative effectiveness of it in terms of altering the outcome of a fight or such. I apologize if that seemed overly critical of me on the parameter thing, I'm well aware that generally how I do things isn't the only, let alone the best way of writing servants so I generally refrain from making comment on that aspect. Generally I try and focus on the ideas of the servant, creativity, their personality, and such over what rank the parameters or NPs are given as I feel being those generally are more important than anything else.



    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    I would say it is indepenetly originated from each other and i would say the first medicinic active or associated Person wher in the ancient Egypt Isis during the Reanimation of Osiris , in China i am not Deep enough Knowledge full , but in the Greejk World were before Asclepius his Father Apollo which was the first God of Medicine until he gave this Position towards Asclepius .
    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post

    About the Yin Yang Position was it said that Apophis was Ras sibling and Counterpart , About the Crator deities were the first Egyptian God and ancestor of all the later Gods amnd Goddessess (except Ptah) were Atem , aswell the source of the Human existence namely as his Childs Shu the God of Air and Tefnut the Goddess of Fire did explored the primordial Waters and vanished in the Darkness he were then created the eye of Ra/Re to search them as he then found his Childrenn did he shed Tears of joy out of then the first Human beings formed .

    I am curios what you heard of Neith to be honest .please tell me as i never heard that Creator aspect ?

    About the servant hmm difficult Step ,a book , is it a Pharao ?

    Technically I suppose that would make sense, but Nasu’s lore doesn’t always make sense (Gilgamesh being “the first hero” when logically people like Cain, King Hassan, and some pharaohs of Egypt predate him [despite originally dating him around 3000 BC modern scholars and sources generally agree it’s far more likely his rule would have been around 2600 BC, making some figures like the Yellow emperor [~2700-2599 BCE], Menses the 1st pharaoh of the 1st dynasty of Egypt [who is quite possibly the figure identified in the Namer tablet, circa 3200-3000 BCE], and some kings of Mesopotamia as actually being older than the “1st hero” {and also throwing a bit of a logical snag to the already confusing rule that all Noble phantasm have to originate from things from the Gate of Babylon, as if those things predate Gilgamesh that either means the treasury of Babylon was bing filled and built long before his rule or that whatever those rulers used must have only been Divine constructs as those may bypass that rule}]. Technically you are right on the bit about Ra / Re / Atem in certain time periods, but that really depends on the time you are talking about. Before Ra / Re / Aten was considered the original god it was said that Ptah actually shaped the world from the formless chaos and some beings and gods were said to predate creation and simply have always existed to some degree.

    Neith is a very complicated story and first I must make a note here it depends on the source, however some sources cite that some deities go back to maybe as far back as 6000 BCE (which I mistakenly cited as 5000 BCE in a prior post which I have since corrected) and Neith seems to have been an important figure from the very beginning. It’s debatable at what role Neith may have served in the most ancient version of egpytian myth, however some cite her as a possible fertility deity corresponding with Tannit and similar if not linked to Astarte and Ishtar and (her original name may have been Mehet-Weret meaning great flood). She also was called Nit, Net or Neit which roughly all mean “The Terrifying One” likely referring to her role as a war goddess.


    If I had to take a guess at her role in the Ancient Egyptian myths (and putting my knowledge of geographic processes and cultural history it’s possible she may have been at this point a goddess who represented the seasonal flooding of the nile, which would wash nutrient rich sediments downstream which formed the fertile soil upon which they could farm, but also may have represented the possibility of occasional sudden more large scale or unseasonal floods (which would make sense as historically her cult centered around Sais [where her worship was always strong] in the Nile Delta and if we presume that that location of her worship was roughly the same even to the earliest periods of Egyptian worship this may make sense) given her name and association with fertility and by proxy life (however by all means this is just my take on the situation and I am far from an expert in this field).

    Over time however this view began to evolve and Neith became more than that, she became a goddess of war associated with the bow by the time of the early dynamic period, but also at some point became a wise leader and a settler of disputes between gods and men (which may have originated from Athena or some precursor goddess to Athena’s myths [a theory supported by some considering Athena to have been based on a earlier Minoan Goddess who may have been based on an even earlier African deity and referring to Athena as a Greek version of Neith] being incroporated into Egyptian culture or it may have been she was simply given these attributes over time). For some reason (possibly a missiterpreation of her hieroglyph of a bow and arrows as a loom, possibly a decision to redefine her as a diety given other gods began to assimilate aspects of war and battle, or some other reason her myth was changed again.


    Now Neith was no longer a goddess of war who mediated disputes between the gods and men (she was said to be the one to decide that Horus rather than Set would rule Egypt when nobody else could decide) and was partly responsible for the of the process of preparing, watching over, and/or sending deceased to the afterlife between the gods and was said to be present at the creation or just after the world’s creation. Now she was Neith the weaver of creation, a goddess connected to the waters and who dwelled in the primordial waters before creation (possibly self-generated / self-created) who gave birth to Ra / Re and also Apep / Apophis (possibly a story linked to her earlier attribute as a cow and myths of a cow birthing Ra / Re) by proxy making the the ancestor of all gods, in this same myth after birthing Ra / Re she was said to have taken the loom and shuttle which she invented, put the sky on the loom and weaved the world into existence, in fact the name Neith may derive from a word meaning “To knit” or “to weave”.

    Either way Neith is an interesting goddess who has a very interesting role in Egyptian myth as she has undergone multiple distinct phases of being and much like Isis, a fellow goddess both she and Isis have remained as popular and important goddess through their history in Ancient Egypt. Also I can say for certain that Step is not a pharaoh.
    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; March 17th, 2021 at 12:30 AM.

  3. #2403
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    Foreigner (Ritsuka):

    I actually really like this sheet, it's a neat take on a servant sheet in that rather than being about the servant and their abilities it's primarily focussed on telling a story with it. The idea of having Ritsuka like this and seeing everyone's reactions, yet him/her not being able to effectively communicate that they are fully aware of things is incredibly chilling. Seeing da Vinci and the others being so completely pragmatic about the situation with Goredolf actually having to tell them off for so casually writing off the guy who saved the world as doomed (especially when he/she is still "alive" to some extent [almost akin to a ghoul, but with his mind intact] although not that anyone probably knows that) is really powerful.
    I've spent too much time in my life thinking about and laughing at this gif.
    When I came started going for more story than sheet, I didn't realize until after it was finished how far I had gone. This sheet was actually more experimental in terms of story than I was originally aiming for. In my mind, it was destined for far stranger reactions than what I got, but I'm happy it got praise. Might not be my favorite Servant I've made (Hali's gonna be a hard one for me to beat), but it's certainly contesting the spot on storyline alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post
    I can respect that view on parameters and such and I don't mind it, I can also get gearing the ranking towards the amount of effects or the relative effectiveness of it in terms of altering the outcome of a fight or such. I apologize if that seemed overly critical of me on the parameter thing, I'm well aware that generally how I do things isn't the only, let alone the best way of writing servants so I generally refrain from making comment on that aspect. Generally I try and focus on the ideas of the servant, creativity, their personality, and such over what rank the parameters or NPs are given as I feel being those generally are more important than anything else.
    There's no best way to judge these sorts of things, and we all have our methods. Nothing you said seemed overly critical, nor would anything you had actually said really gotten to me. I said it on the contest thread, but I'm the type that likes having things laid out, whether by me or the person I'm talking to. The reasoning behind the things people do fascinates me, so I like to find out about it as much as I can. It's one of the reasons I personally love Shirou so much.

  4. #2404
    The King of Cinders Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Jirocho Shimizu: Interesting to learn about the origin of that story trope, and I also enjoy the face claim (even though I have never played the Yakuza games before), It's kinda nice to see a kinda "lovable vigilante" (as he's less of an outright villain and more of a person who went against or behind the law to accomplish his goals) character plus I think it works well given the importance that I have heard Japanese culture puts on the sense of community and such.

    Henry V: Aside from Morg's point on the Reality marble which I agree with, I enjoy the innocent monster tidbit as that is something which seemed odd (how it only accounted for people whose legends were seen less favorably over time not those who became seen more favorably over time [I could also see the skill working for Godfrey of Bullion where he essentially became a saint in all but name for his role in the 1st crusade and became on of the Champions of Christendom, however I'm not sure if he would have been seen as favorably at the time after his death [and also in the case of Joan of Arc, and Joshua L. Chamberlain [who was at the time loathed for his insane charge and not well liked due to probably partly being mislabeled for the faulty communication of which guns he was ordered to take, but now is seen as a model for loyal service and dedication to the cause however hopeless it may be]]]). It's still interesting to see some British monarchs get made into servants though.

    To Vance: I actually came across another fairy tale idea for you to use if you want, I was listening to a 2 part Podcast (link below on part 1) in the car about Oceana "Ocey" Snead and the case behind her death and if you were interested you could retrofit the scenario into a 3 evil stepsisters type situation (even though technically 1 of the 3 was her mother and the other 2 were her aunts), but that's just my musings.
    https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR...EegQIBBAF&ep=6


    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Do we, as creators, perhaps use Reality Marbles too much despite the fact they're supposed to be rare?

    Random thought after reading Henry V

    But in all honesty it’s a little more complicated than that. I know I'm hardly one to throw stones (especially when I myself have had a servant or two with a reality marble or effects similar to one), however I can generally understand why people want to use them. For one they can provide a lot of versatility and creativity with what you can do with them (a literally manifestation of someone mind can theoretically allow for a bunch of different effects while giving a simple justification on the mechanism of how the NP works), and while they aren't as overdone as sword beams or having a caster class servant (or any servant really) be able to shoot lasers they are done a lot. However I don't entirely feel this should just be lumped on us as fan writers, Type-moon as a whole has seen a HUGE spike in the number of Reality marbles or similar things like "Great Thaumaturgy equal / similar to a Reality Marble" at first it was just Shirou & EMIYA alongside Iskander as the human / heroic spirits able to use a reality marble.

    While Kiritsugu's magecraft worked on similar principles to a reality marble (and in his father's hands with the full magic crest could be used similar to a reality marble) in his hands it ultimately was different. Come Fate: Apocrypha and we had Rider of Red able to make a bounded field claimed to be similar to a reality marble with his spear and (although Lancer and the knights of the red branch had a similar, but weaker effect with a rune spell), Caster of Black's ultimate golem was able to create a constantly active field as long as it was in contact with the earth which modified the world similar to, but not the same as a realty marble, Semiramis' garden functioned similar to a reality marble on the inside, and so on. Fake : Extra's entire setting is based on liberal use on Reality marbles or something similar for it's grail wars, Fate : Strange fake we have Fake Rider and True Caster, Fate Grand Order has so many cases of reality marbles or things which despite not being called reality marbles work the same that it's almost mind boggling.


    Point being that even though these things were cited as uncommon even among heroic spirits, there has been a shift in the way Type-Moon works and the exact details of it's lore have seemingly shifted leading to varying things being retconned or lore being modified to an extent (which if that is for the better or the worse is up to the individual). I'm doubtful something like Ergo from The Adventures of Lord El Melloi II would have even been conceived or written back in the days of Fate: Zero or Fate : Stay Night and you could argue that a lot of ideas (casters firing lasers, saber's having sword beams, spears with no miss capabilities, flying chariots, spears which leave wounds which don't heal normally, archers with close combat capability, blond knights possibly from Europe) and a lot of other servant's abilities are lifted and based (if not outright copy-pasted) from the 4th and 5th grail war stories. Overall I don't especially mind reality marbles because does it really matter if it was a reality marble versus an absurdly strong bounded field which has a few unique effects to it as a NP (really you can have a reality marble effect without it being called that. The globe and merlin/Prelati's spellwork is similar to a reality marble without being exactly that in terms of it's notable effects) and overall if their usage is creative and helps you in the making of the servant sheet then by all means.

    Overall I think there are worse trends or phenomena you could criticize in my mind (although by all means if you feel that something is a worth commenting on feel free, this is just my opinion) and being a problem and/or limiting the creativity put into things like servant sheets like a the way some skills work necessitating the creation of skills that basically do this personal skill = a sum of X other skills (which I also am guilty of doing and admit is generally a problem with some skills just being os generic that it's expected certain servants have them like divinity [which in many works no and days really does nothing much for most servants with it]). At times this however may be a necessary evil for some servants due to the fact that otherwise you would essentially have to give them like a dozen skills to fulfill the requirement otherwise, however in other cases it may not fully be needed. The other egregious cases is giving {insert servant name here} mana burst* (did Dioscuri really need Mana burst? I think they were strong enough without it. Lore wise it makes sense, but in terms of character design and servant balance I'm dubious). Important Note Here, I’m not trying to criticize anyone who personally does this as I myself have done this both with Otakemaru recently and several servants in the past, and one possible servant does have a version of mana burst (albeit there is a significant lore reason as to why he learned to be able to do this skill), I’m just commenting on the trend itself which has manifested in the Nasuverse through things like Oni-Kind demon, Imperial privilege, and more.


    There was a time those were once considered rare, rare things for a servant and in some cases could make them practically overpowered; Nero's gimmick was partly that she had high ranking imperial privilege and that was also what made Romulus so fearsome as was. Hassan of the Hundred faces aside from having over 100 different versions of him/herself also had a vast variety of common, but useful skills they could access using a luck check. And it's worth noting in Fate: Stay Night, Artoria was noted to be physically weaker than even rin and were it not for her Mana burst she probably wouldn't have been anywhere near as powerful as she was (it's cited each hit with her sword using Mana burst was similar to using a noble phantasm in power) and probably would have gotten flattened by Heracles. Plus she was only able to have that skill as having a dragon's core gave her so much od that she could use it functionally as a jet engine (something which makes it a little jarring to see servants with C or D rank mana have a skill which gives them mana burst weird as even if they did have enough magical energy for it it would likely quickly diminish the energy they had to almost nothing thus making it something which would be a highly impartial option in combat most of the time).

    TLDR, it’s not just as simple as a people overuse ideas like reality marbles, beam spam, armies, and such in writing servants that have been done before. As while this prior statement is true on the other hand Nasu himself and his team have heavily reuses and recycles previous ideas and abilities in making new servants and giving them personal abilities and Noble Phantasms. It’s not just us who can be accused of being spammy with reality marbles.

    * On a side note I suppose that is an idea for the possible eventual CaS 4 thread tag (Servant X has Mana burst)


    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Well when we are already nitpicking. I think sometimes we use too many NP for a Servant. I tend to do 2 NP, but I usually do Foreigners and I think mostly 1 for the Servant and 1 related to the entity. When I saw 3 I raised a brow. I really like the sheet, dont get me wrong and the NP are all pretty interesting.
    The 2nd should stay, I really like it. Regarding the third with the previous discussion, I would tinker with it that the mud comes from himself and that is how it connects to the inner world, showing the dark aspect of him. Like a much weaker version of Tiamat.
    Regarding the first I personally would have integrated that aspect into Human Observation and make a new version of it, that shows that he can observe and use what he observed to adapt to the situation. Basically something like an acting skill, that is ranked high enough to act like he isnt a Servant. Perhaps even a reference to the play he was in. But I feel like this could work better perhaps in his Alter-Ego version, that is i guess more focussed on his play-persona, but is more aware of it and uses that to embody an 'actor' like he partly was in life.

    And thanks for the Guilty Angel skill, I dont know if i have someone to use it, but i will remember it, because it fills a hole in the Innocent Monster skill that annoyed me.
    Yeah I can also get that too (yet again through I'm not in the best place to throw stones with my King Tut and Rostam sheets which skirt around this rule by a technicality) generally this can be hard with servants for which there are a lot of accolades or things worthy of being NP, but in most cases outside of Rider class servants I don't think they should have more than 3 NPs overall. Generally I would argue most Saber and Berserker class servants probably only need 1 NP if it's well made, most Assassins 1 or 2 max, Casters 1 to 3 and maybe a 4th if they really warrant it (depending on how they work ranging the gambit), Lancers 1 or 2 mostly, and archers 1 or 2. Noble Phantasms I feel are a subject where less can often be more, by giving yourself constraints you can often force you to be more creative in creating Noble Phantasms). It's worth noting that in his original form as Archer in the 4th and 5th grail wars depending on if you count Ea separately or not Gilgamesh technically only had 1 or 2 NPs and Medusa having 3 was deemed exceptional (although you could argue her mystic eyes were so strong they may as well have been a 4th NP despite technically being a personal skill) and Sasaki had none (he had a technique linked to his sword, but that technique nor the sword were Noble Phantasms).

    On the foreigner note I also agree generally I think of 1 servant 1 entity (although this isn't true in Van Gogh's case or BBhotep) generally if you have more than 2 entities I think that goes into Alter-Ego territory over a forigner (although the does raise the question if you had an entity foreign to the planet which isn't a god, an outer god or such as a component of an alter-ego would it be an alter ego-class or a foreigner class [although that may also depend on which personality is dominant]). Also I am wondering people's thoughts on if a foreigner tried to fuse with a phantom rather than a true heroic spirit, would that technically be able to manifest as a servant or not (It's an idea I'm toying with for a foreigner idea). Also I would be curious as to what people think about a hive mind (a group of interlinked individuals which constitute 1 being) as an foreign entity.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post

    I've spent too much time in my life thinking about and laughing at this gif.
    When I came started going for more story than sheet, I didn't realize until after it was finished how far I had gone. This sheet was actually more experimental in terms of story than I was originally aiming for. In my mind, it was destined for far stranger reactions than what I got, but I'm happy it got praise. Might not be my favorite Servant I've made (Hali's gonna be a hard one for me to beat), but it's certainly contesting the spot on storyline alone.



    There's no best way to judge these sorts of things, and we all have our methods. Nothing you said seemed overly critical, nor would anything you had actually said really gotten to me. I said it on the contest thread, but I'm the type that likes having things laid out, whether by me or the person I'm talking to. The reasoning behind the things people do fascinates me, so I like to find out about it as much as I can. It's one of the reasons I personally love Shirou so much.
    Personally I don't mind being experimental with this kinda stuff, I got experimental with Meleager's sheet's lore by retelling it as though he himself were narrating his backstory and I also decided to be a bit experimental with Otakemaru telling his own story like it was an old legend or myth and I think they worked out better for it on the whole. If you feel that you want to get a bit experimental with a sheet then by all means, at worst it might not work out, but you have learned something valuable or you can find something to improve on and refine in another attempt, at best it might lead to new or unique ideas (to take the Meleager example the idea of retailing his story from his eyes gave me an idea on giving him a bow as a Nobel phantasm and what it's effects should be). Overall, new ideas are never a bad thing and trying out new things helps everything both grow as a writer and learn more things they appreciate or potentially want to try themselves {and before I forget I have to credit Justiciar Hux for this as well as it seems like a neat idea to turn a servant sheet into mostly a narrative piece and although I have yet to check out the sheet you made for the contests which inspired Morg's I plan to do so tonight and look forward to it if the template of Morg's sheet was anything to go by}.

    Also thanks for understand I just have always struggled trying to communicate things like criticism and always am nervous that when I do I may have gone to far or need to clarify that I'm not trying to be mean, just give advise or explain my viewpoint.
    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; March 17th, 2021 at 12:36 AM. Reason: Fixing Engrish, clarifying things

  5. #2405
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed by Fortuna View Post





    I can respect that view on parameters and such and I don't mind it, I can also get gearing the ranking towards the amount of effects or the relative effectiveness of it in terms of altering the outcome of a fight or such. I apologize if that seemed overly critical of me on the parameter thing, I'm well aware that generally how I do things isn't the only, let alone the best way of writing servants so I generally refrain from making comment on that aspect. Generally I try and focus on the ideas of the servant, creativity, their personality, and such over what rank the parameters or NPs are given as I feel being those generally are more important than anything else.





    Technically I suppose that would make sense, but Nasu’s lore doesn’t always make sense (Gilgamesh being “the first hero” when logically people like Cain, King Hassan, and some pharaohs of Egypt predate him [despite originally dating him around 3000 BC modern scholars and sources generally agree it’s far more likely his rule would have been around 2600 BC, making some figures like the Yellow emperor [~2700-2599 BCE], Menses the 1st pharaoh of the 1st dynasty of Egypt [who is quite possibly the figure identified in the Namer tablet, circa 3200-3000 BCE], and some kings of Mesopotamia as actually being older than the “1st hero” {and also throwing a bit of a logical snag to the already confusing rule that all Noble phantasm have to originate from things from the Gate of Babylon, as if those things predate Gilgamesh that either means the treasury of Babylon was bing filled and built long before his rule or that whatever those rulers used must have only been Divine constructs as those may bypass that rule}]. Technically you are right on the bit about Ra / Re / Atem in certain time periods, but that really depends on the time you are talking about. Before Ra / Re / Aten was considered the original god it was said that Ptah actually shaped the world from the formless chaos and some beings and gods were said to predate creation and simply have always existed to some degree.

    Neith is a very complicated story and first I must make a note here it depends on the source, however some sources cite that some deities go back to maybe as far back as 6000 BCE (which I mistakenly cited as 5000 BCE in a prior post which I have since corrected) and Neith seems to have been an important figure from the very beginning. It’s debatable at what role Neith may have served in the most ancient version of egpytian myth, however some cite her as a possible fertility deity corresponding with Tannit and similar if not linked to Astarte and Ishtar and (her original name may have been Mehet-Weret meaning great flood). She also was called Nit, Net or Neit which roughly all mean “The Terrifying One” likely referring to her role as a war goddess.


    If I had to take a guess at her role in the ancient egpytain myths (and putting my knowledge of geographic processes and cultural history it’s possible she may have been at this point a goddess who represented the seasonal flooding of the nile, which would wash nutrient rich sediments downstream which formed the fertile soil upon which they could farm, but also may have represented the possibility of occasional sudden more large scale or unseasonal floods (which would make sense as historically her cult centered around Sais [where her worship was always strong] in the Nile Delta and if we presume that that location of her worship was roughly the same even to the earliest periods of Egyptian worship this may make sense)
    given her name and association with fertility and by proxy life (however by all means this is just my take on the situation and I am far from an expert in this field).

    Over time however this view began to evolve and Neith became more than that, she became a goddess of war associated with the bow by the time of the early dynamic period, but also at some point became a wise leader and a settler of disputes between gods and men (which may have originated from Athena or some precursor goddess to athena’s myths (a theory supported by some considering Athena to have been based on a earlier Minoan Goddess who may have been based on an even earlier African deity and referring to Athena as a Greek version of Neith) dessinating into Egyptian culture or it may have been she was simply given these attributes over time). For some reason (possibly a missiterpreation of her hieroglyph of a bow and arrows as a loom, possibly a decision to redefine her as a diety given other gods began to assimilate aspects of war and battle, or some other reason her myth was changed again.


    Now Neith was no longer a goddess of war who mediated disputes between the gods and men (she was said to be the one to decide that Horus rather than Set would rule Egypt when nobody else could decide) and was partly responsible for the of the process of preparing, watching over, and/or sending deceased to the afterlife between the gods and was said to be present at the creation or just after the world’s creation. Now she was Neith the weaver of creation, a goddess connected to the waters and who dwelled in the primordial waters before creation (possibly self-generated / self-created) who gave birth to Ra / Re and also Apep / Apophis (possibly a story linked to her earlier attribute as a cow and myths of a cow birthing Ra / Re) by proxy making the the ancestor of all gods, in this same myth after birthing Ra / Re she was said to have taken the loom and shuttle which she invented, put the sky on the loom and weaved the world into existence, in fact the name Neith may derive from a word meaning “To knit” or “to weave”.

    Either way Neith is an interesting goddess who has a very interesting role in Egyptian myth as she has undergone multiple distinct phases of being and much like Isis, a fellow goddess both she and Isis have remained as popular and important goddess through their history in Ancient Egypt. Also I can say for certain that Step is not a pharaoh.


    At like i to say About servant Buildings so do i like to before i make a profile like to get a Feeling for the culture they lived in so have i for my last profile dived in the History of the Sassanidic history and beside Shappur the second have i found that there are many Persons outside the CAnon of the Shahname that are material for potencial servants . Then do i find About About their abbillities and try to reconstruct my view of their personality . Where i value a complex and well thought out personality with some dual sided characktwer build where certain to varying Degree inhumanly traits but at the other true humane traits or Backgrounds are plus one or two daily Routine aspects like Hobbies examplewise .


    This aspect reminds me that there are also varying myths of the creation of the world in the Greek mythospehre Maybe can more then one Version be correct in itself in that they cooperated to create their world and that each Cult centre where beside that all respective Gods were venerated one God had Special significance withhin the complex like that the respective God told his/her Worshippers their side of the Story and history and this versions were then perhaps evolving into seperate myths ? or what do you say to this Explanation ?

    Interesting i read that Neith were aside Seth also worshipped by the Berbers and that with the Minoan Goddess have i read that the Egyptians had a trading history with the Minoan culture and that in Crete there were a Hippoptamus Figur known and the Goddess Tawaret be known Gand venerated . Also abuout the Snake Goddess have i the Theory that this may be a Proto Athena and perhaps also the origin of the Gorgon myth ,besides i have in planning a Minoan Lostbelt where thi Snake Goddess Plays a central Role .

    And not only in the Egypt but also in example wise the Baabylonia world had Ninurta originally Agricultural aspects and after awhile did he turned into a War God and Divine Hero .or that the defeat of Tiamat were depending on the Location of the Legend either caused by Marduk or Ashur which was said to be equal in power to the former . in General is the Ancient Levantic Reggion interesting as several pantheon existed and About the most have we not even one single Explanation offering Myth like that the Semitic Gods world is completely devoid of it instead are there sveral virtually only through names known and mentioed Gods with some info gragments of their Domain and in the better case some Little Infos like how their depictions were ,though here was it similar like the Christian Religion in Europe did here presumably the Islam destroyedthe effifies of the Gods and oral passed down Knowledge wasnt continuied to be cultivated respectively those that knew it actively persecuted .

    As the Old Egypt , the Greeks , and the Britain Celtic aswell the scandinavian and to lesser Degrees the Slavic ,Finish and Baltic Myths survived into the modern world as the respective populaze had a Script to conserve thm respective had Long enough survived due to the loyality of the Worshippers of the old Pantheon that staunchly defended their faith . respectively did we thaks to the work of Archelogists regained insights in the old Mythospehres but still i wished there werer preserved but perhaps is somewhere in old Archives or Museum Depots respectively in undiscovered Ruins still Sources that may bring light into this like, About which Gods orAncient Hero would you everyone not only you Fortune be curious and like to know more as we actually /currently know ?

    Beside has someone some hints or start Points of Pompey or Sulla the contemporaries of Caesar as i work currently on a Contemporary of them plus am working on a Cicero servant so do i try if i can make a servant out of them but i could Need some start Points were i can beginn ?
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  6. #2406
    The King of Cinders Cursed by Fortuna's Avatar
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    Caster -
    Imhotep
    Step


    Haha, be amazed Child, for I Imhotep, the Pioneer of Pioneers have answered your call!


    (his staff does look slightly different, but this is fairly accurate)

    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/803892602213971380/ Image Source
    https://imgur.com/gallery/gZeroh0 Other Image Source
    https://imgur.com/user/Coolwizzkid9 Image Author


    Characteristics

    Other Qualified Classes/Ranks: Grand Caster, Berserker, Watcher
    Eligible Catalysts: Writings of his, Pieces from monuments he worked on, blueprints for varying construction projects he planned, Books he wrote drafts for but never completed, Artifacts associated with Thoth (lesser)
    Gender: Male

    Height / Weight: 170 cm / 60 kg
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Home: Ancient Egypt
    Origin: Historical Fact & Egyptian Myth
    Equipment: His Divine tome, Moringa-Naunet


    Personal Information

    Attribute: Star
    Likes: Seeing others learn or make efforts towards improvement, Human Progress, Date palm fruit, Meeting other architects / writers / doctors, Seeing people defy or surpass the gods
    Dislikes: The Stagnation of mankind (Utopia, Lostbelts), The denial or blockading of humanity’s progress, Using teaching as a means of propaganda, People trying to erase opposing viewpoints and ideas, People and/or the world regressing

    Talents: Magecraft, Learning, Teaching and Guiding others, Unveiling secrets, Writing down events, and “All that is Extraordinary and fitting of Humanity’s Guidepost” (self purported)
    Natural Enemy: The Alien God, Tiamat, Zeus, Dr. Heartless
    Titles (some self-given): King of Architects, King of Scribes, King of Sages / Scholars, King of Egyptian Alchemists, King of Pioneers / Pioneer of Pioneers, First of Physicians, Bearer of the Great Divine tome (self-granted), Revealer of Secrets (self-granted), The exception among exceptions (self-granted), Step


    Lore

    Born to Ptah, who was in a former version of the Egpytian pantheon the chief god and creator, and a priestess of Ra, Caster was born into life blessed with opportunity from the beginning. Although the weight of his father's name had begun to wane in Egypt, the skills and power he held, still commanded respect. After hearing of his mother (who had been blinded by his father when the mortal he had been possessing had incinerated trying to contain his power for too long after visiting her during her pregnancy [which to be fair wasn’t unusual to those possessed by the egpytian gods]) tell tales of his father might and power, yet also his devotion to humanity and kindness to humanity* Imhotep elected to follow in his father's footsteps and work for the betterment of mankind.

    * Ptah had aided Narmer/Menes/Min in his campaign of unification merely because he believed Narmer would bring Egypt prosperity under his rule, he had argues in giving the new pharaoh a seat among the heavens for his good deeds, which lead to him becoming the god Min, holding the authority over the east, unity, and the desert.

    Despite initially working for the ruler of Lower Eygpt he would find himself working with the ruler of the newly reunified Egypt, Djoser. During his time as the vizier of Djoser, Imhotep would often comb the royal archives and consult with the maghes and scholars always eager to study and learn more (to a degree some joked his real job was that of the “royal librarian”). It was under this time that Imhotep would begin to write different a great number of varying treaties. His great achievements in medicine and work in architecture saw Caster hailed as a miracle worker who had ended famines and plagues and whose great intellect and mathematical genius brought great economic prosperity to Egypt. Without doubt was Imhotep’s crowning achievement was none other than the creation of the Step Pyramid and the treaties he wrote about the process and the hypothesis that even greater structures, larger structures could be made in much the same method (which would be used as the basis of the creation of the later pyramids of Giza and such).


    It was said that when Djoser laid eyes upon it he was so struck with awe he immediately halted construction on his tomb and proclaimed that the step pyramid would be his new resting place and set a precedent for later pharaohs to follow. As such Caster was crowned with the title of Chief architect by the Pharaoh during his rule to this day remains one of, if not the first known example of a named human identified with the profession. Right before his death Imhotep was approached by Thoth and given an offer of a lifetime the chance to continue in his studies and to keep being able to help humanity, even after his body would perish. Flattered by the offer and trusting in the benevolence of the gods Imhotep accepted and Imhotep's mind and soul were taken in by Thoth (who Imhotep would later grow to assimilate and become the image of the god as time would pass and he would go down in history as the greatest mind in all of Egyptian history).

    However, there were unintended consequences to this act, for Imhotep also learned of all that Thoth knew and infused with Thoth’s knowledge and sight, Imhotep learned only too well of the gods in both incredible good, and unspeakable evil. Yet, Thoth had already possessed a will and a plan to cause the god’s downfall, filled with resolve Imhotep took upon the plot of Thoth as well and waited until the day that mankind would be parted from the shackles of the gods. Thus both Imhotep and Thoth (and over time increasing just Imhotep) would work to spread their knowledge and power amidst men, blurring the lines between men and gods and creating a world where men wouldn’t need gods anymore would become possible.


    After Imhotep became the main personality with Thoth he used his sight and wisdom to enlighten other mortals to the ranks of gods by sharing chunks of his divinity with them after death including Amunhotep (Son of Hapu), Hardedef, Kagemni, Ptah-hottep and worked to slowly erode Ra’s power and see the age of the gods in Egypt end by acting at major junctures in history. According to Imhotep Thoth he didn’t care much for Ra or many Egyptian gods (as they were aloof and temperamental at the best of times), but there were some deities like Osiris, Neith, Ptah, Sothis, and Isis who he liked and respected. But both feel that mankind really don't need need and couldn’t grow with deities constantly bossing them around.


    Personality

    Imhotep could bluntly be described as an utterly self-absorbent egotist, however one thing which can be agreed upon is that at minimum his self-confidence isn’t unwarranted. In terms of ability few would question him much less rival him in magical capability and considering his power, it is only natural that Imhotep would see himself as important and powerful, for it is simply a mere fact to him. In mannerisms he may tend to butt in and give advice or spout facts which seemingly have nothing to do with the current situation, yet on the other hand he may come off as evasive or giving only a small amount of information and letting others figure things out themselves. But in much the same manner as a teacher grading his students he often expects a person, even his own master to figure out the clues he has scattered (as he rarely if ever does anything when helping others, be it as idle as a seemingly innocuous comment without some greater intention or meaning to it).

    In this way he can be thought of as a Fisher king, one who offers that which one desires most (the grail), but challenges an ally to overcome a series of trials and solve a puzzle in order to obtain such. In this manner his love for humanity shines through, even if Caster could win a grail war in perhaps a single night, it’s almost certain he would test his master seeing if they surely can overcome the trials needed and learn to become better than they are, rather than simply handing them the prize without effort on their part. However in much the same way as a teacher’s greatest task is to protect his charges, he will protect the lives of his students with complete and utter seriousness and although he may allow them to be wounded or suffer and to make mistakes or fail, should someone desire to end their quest early, to halt their learning Imhotep would surely intervene.


    In this regard his true intentions are laid bare, while some heroes may mock the idea of being overcome when standing atop the mountain that is their legend, Caster is not among them. That will to rise to the challenge to dare to do the impossible, the drive to surpass their teachers and the legends they revere is the attribute Imhotep adores most about humanity. If there were one single wish the man could ever hold upon the grail, then surely it would be “I wish to see my students finally realize their potential, to see them finally surpass me in greatness”. Until then Caster will wait eternally, watching as mankind keeps moving forward, stumbling and tripping, yet never halting in their desire to learn, until the one day he is no longer needed anymore. On that day one can be certain he may finally fade away with filled with pride at the world below.



    Relationships

    Merlin: Forgive me master, although our hearts lie in similar positions I simply cannot forgive this one. He allowed his whim to overwhelm his calling to do good, he smothered those he sought to raise. Like Daedalus he granted the chosen king wings, yet failed to warn him not to fly too close to the sun. A kingdom burned because of his negligence. As a teacher I cannot forgive him, and a mentor I must not forgive him.

    Narmer/Menes/Min: The founder, his power is rather intense, while a great boon that kind of power can also be dangerous. I would advise caution in seeking his aid child.

    Mash: I can see already how your power has grown, you have come far young one. Abandon your fear and hesitation, you are capable of more than you know. Seek out strength and the rest will follow.

    Solomon: Then it was you? You called upon the release of mystery? While mankind’s advancement and the existence of mystery are separate roads, I cannot disagree with your judgement. The gods’ power had to end and their monopoly must be halted. How strange, we walked separate paths, yet perhaps our hearts shared similar goals. I wonder, how many roads can you make that all would lead to the same place?


    Ptah: Yes my father could be an ……… Interesting, shall we say, character. While he meant well I would advise you not to summon him child. And no, this isn’t that I’m embarrassed to meet him or something, so stop suggesting that! Now I think there were other topics we wanted to discuss.

    Asclepis: Wait, your Apollo’s son? You have my condolences then, I still must applaud your work though.

    Zeus: You! Just! No. Go away. Just go away and leave mankind alone for once!

    Djoser: My Pharaoh. Even though the road that led to my service under him was a winding one, I regret nothing about it. I served the public good as I desired and I helped grant Egypt peace, if only for a moment. If there is any person with whom I feel the time I spent couldn't have been used better studying, then it would be him. A soul of purity, one who held the power over the land and it’s countless people, yet who only dreamed of seeing his people happy, a man who waged war, yet wept for every man who fell in battle, either his or the enemies.



    Parameters:
    Strength – D
    Endurance –
    D(EX in terms of mental resilience)
    Agility – D
    Mana – A+ / EX *
    Luck – B
    Noble Phantasm – EX


    * it literally cannot be quantified as while it is limited, it functionally exceeds the scope of A+++ rank the “maximum” numerical rank due to being able to drain mana from ley lines, the area around him, trees and such, and the ability to mimic abilities like Galvanism.

    Class Skills

    Territory Creation (architecture) [A++] - Caster, as the original individual identified as an architect in human history combined with serval other factors has a peerless level of Territory creation. When a territory is being created he can make more than just a temple, but a wide range of other architectural features like defensive walls, cities, strongholds, and more (which can be further enhanced with aspects of magecraft like implementing bounded fields into defensive walls). When Caster is either examining or working or observing another caster, architect, or mage step up a territory a luck check occurs, if successful then Caster is able to suggest an improvement or way to improve the design.

    Item Construction (duplication) [E - A++] - Caster is generally a strange case as a caster class servant. In life he never really made all that much magical items, due to his desire to advance humanity by means not monopolized by the gods. As such he has no skill in creating mystic codes or similar magical items on his own accord. But in much the same manner as a novice following a set of instructions on a cookbook, he can follow instructions and reproduce mystic codes with similar or identical effects to the originals given he has the proper materials (although divine constructs cannot be normally made), a sort of effect similar to a monkey seeing and copying an action. However due to his talent in observing and recording, Caster can create instructions based on the observation of the process of making mystic codes (or make hypothetical instructions based on seeing a mystic code function and guessing how it was made, although these may not work well if at all).


    Personal Skills

    Divinity [A+] - The skill of those who possess divinity, as the son of Ptah in life who was raised to the status of a god upon his death and merged with Thoth, Caster should hold the upgraded version of this skill The divine core of a god. However, due to Caster breaking off pieces of his own divine core and power to raise other humans to the status of divinity after death, his role in conspiring against the gods, and him embracing his humanity over his divinity it is “merely” at A+ rank. At this level Caster has reached the throne of the gods and can break through skills like protection of the faith and enlightenment of the sacred fig.


    Clairvoyance [A++] - A skill denoting the ability to see beyond the normal limitations of humanity sight at this rank Caster can see the future. Originally Thoth was “the one who records the passage of time” in addition to “the one who unveils and records the world’s secrets” thus Thoth had vision of not merely the past and future, but the ability to see countless futures connected to the current path/route that the world is on. By focusing on a given future Thoth could then see the details of that future, the points of divergence that would impact if that future does or does not occur, and what choices would need to be taken in a step by step route to shift the current future to that new future. Barring another time manipulating power, sight nearing or equaling his own, or a creature of incredible strength, Thoth could plan out the route the future would take. In effect, it was borderline a cheat skill arguably nearly unrivaled by any heroic spirit. However, this was all years ago, now at absolute max Caster could only see the future, and if he was inside a temple he made, devoting all of his energy and attention to the task (and passing a luck check), he could see several possible futures and faintly envision the choices which would lead to the current path of panhuman history diverging to make them.


    Natural Insight (Extraordinary) [A+]- Caster is at a level where several skills like medicine, architecture, writing/recording events, and spellcasting come as naturally to him as breathing. Although normally a rare skill even among geniuses, it is only fate that one like Imhotep, should have this skill (or in his own words “it is merely natural that one as brilliant as myself would have such things”). Combined with his book, he could be described as nearly equal to Asclepius and the Yellow Emperor in his medical skill (but lacking his ultimate medicine). In terms of writing/recording events his skill would rival Zoroaster Avesta, while lacking in its ability to inscribe emotions, he could deduce and write things (a person’s motivations, inner thoughts, and such) that it could not or does not record. There are a handful who could match or surpass Caster in spellcasting, but he does boast the ability to copy nearly any spell (with two major exceptions) and in terms of that which he lacks the ability to copy, he could attempt to reproduce their effects through the creation of new spells (although how well this works varies). Lastly, in terms of architecture, Caster can claim safely that only around a handful of spirits exist who could rival both his knowledge and skill at the discipline. According to Da Vinci the Variant of “Extraordinary” was likely given by himself (and has no effect on the skill’s function).


    Pioneer of the Stars [EX]- A skill of one who carved the path to humanity’s future, receiving a special skill ability to achieve possibilities not normally allowed. As one who had guided Egypt towards a new era and had unveiled the secrets of architecture and medicine revealing what once were only known by the gods or those who held divine wisdom upon the collective of humanity, ascending to a god upon death and guiding men even after his demise, the possession of this skill should come as no surprise.


    Divine tongue of the Scribe [A-]- Through the divine tongue of Thoth, Caster is able to speak the divine tongue and cast powerful spells and enchantments with it. In terms of sheer power, even a single action spell would be equal in power to a high thaumaturgy, additionally this skill has the use that any language, save the lost unified language or those without a verbal component (sign language or the language of animals), can be understood and spoken by Caster fluently.


    Innocent Monster [X]- This skill normally would be D ranked, however upon being summoned caster habitually “tweaks” things, thus reallocating the part of his legend in the throne twisted by human perception into the part of himself summoned as Berserker rather than Caster class. As a result Caster sees no effect from this skill, due to it effectively having no rank or influence on his manifestation as Caster. For an explanation on this consult the images in the Innocent Monster Explanation below.


    Innocent Monster skill Explanation

    Rather than trying to explain things in text here are a couple of diagrams I made to explain how Caster is managing to make it so that he doesn’t have innocent monster with any real rank or effect as a caster servant, he essentially uses a spell from his tome to manipulate his saint graph and then does this.







    Technically he isn’t getting rid of his innocent monster personal skill, he’s just moving any value that ranking has to a part of his saint graph that only manifests as a Berserker class servant. For those still confused he’s essentially doing this with his Innocent monster skill.




    Noble Phantasms

    The Book of Thoth, The divine encyclopedia of the wise god - EX
    The divine construct book used and owned by Thoth and later Imhotep, spoken of in Egyptian myths. It holds everything that Thoth and Imhotep have ever recorded within. It is in essence the 1st encyclopedia, which Caster is able to continually add to it. It can hypothetically serves as an item rivaling Solomon’s ten rings (it doesn’t grant Imhotep full control of all magecraft after Solomon’s era, but given enough time he could copy all the magecraft after Solomon’s time and record it within the book). As a divine construct Caster has it so that only he can operate it, moreover it boasts the standard immunity to magecraft after the era of the gods all divine constructs hold. While Caster doesn’t always to hold the book or read a spell to cast if he knows it off the top of his head, Imhotep admits that he has barely memorized a fraction of it so having access to it is a requirement in most cases. Additionally, Imhotep must wait a moment to search for something from the book (much like searching google and waiting for results to come in) before he can start casting the spell resulting in a delay in casting unfamiliar spells to him.

    The Book cannot copy or record powers based on authorities of other gods, NP, unique skills, or skills he lacks the qualifications for (although he can try to engineer spells to work like those abilities in function if not power). Mainly, it’s due to this book that Caster is even ½ as strong as he is and without it he would hardly hold the title or possibility to be a grand servant.
    Vaires
    1-1000 people


    Moringa-Naunet, The one who stood upon the earthen mound - B
    The divine construct was originally wielded by Imhotep’s father Ptah. It was the instrument he used to shape the earth to form the ancient land of egypt from atop the mound of the ben-ben. The staff takes the form of a Was-sceptre and had a head that was composed of a fusion of the symbols for the ankh and djed pillar. In terms of function the staff is capable of shaping the earth like a fluid, building walls, opening cracks in it, forming tunnels, and such. Although Caster is not very skilled in its use, he suggests that in the hands of an expert with enough power, one could reshape the earth forming a country, cause massive earthquakes, create waves of earth one could ride at surprising speed, and perform countless acts linked to manipulating the earth in the hands of a master. According to Caster the name derives from the Moringa tree which his father adored and tended to fall asleep under, and the name given to describe Ptah as a creative mind who used his power to build and sculpt more often than to fight or kill.

    Caster has also noted that he believes that his father may have not exactly been the best at naming things as most of the time he seemed to seek other’s wisdom on the matter, or to name them for what they were (naming a temple to Neith “The great temple of Neith”). Imhotep also rarely uses the staff to fight with as it works based on gestures and intent and in his case that tends to cause the mechanism to manipulate the earth instead (he would generally just make a staff from stone using the staff and use that if needed).
    Anti-Army
    400 people





    For more information on the Egyptian Gods and the development of the sheet (including stuff originally in the notes section and such) consult the link here
    https://blogs.nrvnqsr.com/entry.php/...al-Information

    Note this information is entirely tangential and completely unneeded to understand the sheet itself, so feel free to skip it if this doesn't interest you.




    Last Remarks


    So remember how I said I had an Egyptian servant I was finally going to do, one that would reveal the identity of Step, but that I delayed it to not clash with other servant sheets based on the same character? Well here’s a little reenactment of that time.

    Me: Man I’ve kinda hit a brick wall with the backstory for the Egpytian Gods, It probably needs a rewrite as do a couple aspects of this sheet.

    Me: But I’m feeling a little tired of this sheet for the past couple days so I think I’ll put it on the backburner for a bit to do other things, It’s not like another Imhotep sheet will crop up, I mean that last sheet that was made on this guy was on the back on the original CaS thread in 2014.

    (King of Braves of braves releases Imhotep 2 days into me putting the sheet on the backburner)

    Me:


    (elects to wait a bit to release the sheet)


    (TheLordOfAwesome Imhotep 1 month later)

    Me:



    But in all due seriousness I mean no offense to (nor am I actually angry at) either King of Braves or TheLordOfAwesome (I actually enjoyed their versions of the character), really they did absolutely nothing wrong and I can only blame myself for the situation. Had I actually put in the work rather than procrastinating I could have had this done months ago and I can only blame myself for that, although I do find it morbidly hilarious in the kind of karmic sense that the 1 time I put this sheet on a back burner two version of the charter get released in back to back months. Kinda like having a cartoon character get run over by a steamroller, then struck by lightning, then hit with a nuke, only for a baseball to hit them in the face when they get back up again. Or if you saw someone running to the patent office to patent a new technology only for the guy right in front of him in line to patent the same piece of tech first. It’s almost so comically hilarious you have to look back and laugh at yourself in hindsight, because it’s just so absurd it really just makes it so that you can’t stay mad forever. As always if you have any comment, questions or critiques about anything, send a reply or a pm and I’ll get back to you ASAP.
    Last edited by Cursed by Fortuna; March 17th, 2021 at 01:05 AM. Reason: making the sheet more reader friendly

  7. #2407
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Imhotep: I don't really have much to say on this, character-wise. I love mythology and seeing the different takes and interpretations people add on it, and he certainly is pretty fleshed out from the get go. Therefore, my minor grievances come from other things.

    I can't believe one qualifying class isn't Watcher. Come on! It's right there!

    I do love when people go really in-depth on things and explain the reasoning and purpose behind what they include, but I tend to fall back on "Why use 100 words when you can use 10" and that's my main issue here.
    It feels like information overload. Again, I adore seeing the reasoning and what people thought and did to reach certain points, but I also believe in presenting it in a consumable manner. One of the detracting factors of this, unfortunately, is the sheer breadth you go into on this. While some detail is necessary and appreciated, it also can turn away some that would read it due to volume. Add in text size, which is a product of using Arial, and it becomes somewhat frustrating to read. This can lead to many skimming or completely skipping over the information you worked hard to convey and write, which, while not fair to you, is also somewhat not fair to them, as it can make it seem like you're alienating them for wanting to enjoy something without having to feel like they're working for it.
    Perhaps it's a non-issue, but there were numerous times for myself that I felt like simply skimming over the text walls to try discerning what it was all leading to. This may be simply because I might have a short attention span, something people can call me out on, but I felt like there was so much information that didn't captivate me like it did at the beginning through the middle and end of the sheet that I began to feel like it was a chore to get through.

    Now, you can make the sheets however you want. Koga does the same thing, and this is me coming from the perspective more as a writer/editor than a sheet maker. I tell people I've worked with that you are in a battle for your audiences time more than anything. You are trying to prove that reading what you've written is worth their time, and if it feels to them that it just drags on without getting to the point, they're gonna just go on to do something else. Again, this is probably an issue for just me that no one else has, so you can take it with a grain of salt.
    Last edited by Morg van Destro; February 27th, 2021 at 01:03 PM.

  8. #2408
    死徒 Dead Apostle Kamerad's Avatar
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    Strong agree, not everything needs to be text walls. Brevity is best.

  9. #2409
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    You sure have a way with words, but too much is counterproductive to show your talent.
    I read through to the class skills and I already need a break. It is not that I dont wanna read further, your stuff is good, but then I clicked through all the other hidden texts and was hit by the sheer amount of text I still have to read through.
    It is like you hide your sheet in your sheet like a tree in the woods.
    You are a creative man with lots of things to say, i see that in the amount of your blogs and descriptions in your sheets, but not all people here have the time to read through all that in one go or to later keep up.
    You dont have to shorten them to the length of Kamerads or other recent sheets, just try to find a middle ground to condense your message.
    I will read further later and update this message if I have more things to say.




    Edit: Okay i read through this. Combined with ur last Beast Sheet i see that you have a good grasp to create some nasu-esque mythology. Your flow of reasoning behind your concepts is really cool and i can see u as my rival in a sense because one of my goals is to create my own Nasuverse Mythology here someday. Your idea of time loops to reason the different gods is pretty nice, tho i there are so many differing creation myths in egypt, that it is hard to bring them all under a hat. You did not even mention the story with the 4 snakes and 4 frogs, dont remember their declaration even. But the idea with a pantheon connected to aliens? It gets stale now tbh. We have the greeks, the aztecs and the "HPL Pantheon", throw in that i think Amaterasu was an alien, or at least in your interpretation iirc from your Beast sheet and then you have pretty much half the big pantheons being from space. Perhaps it is because Nasu's approach of how gods were created is still too vague or something, but nothing wrong with good ol' gods actually from earth.

    still, interesting concepts behind your mythology, i like the 2nd NP and the reinterpretation of Ptah's creation and Imhotep and "architects", the control of rearranging your aspects into other classes is great ( i will certainly someday steal that), all in all good work.

    And people should stop caring if others made sheets of the same character. as long they do not rip of the other's sheets overlaps are bound to happen, especially with household names like Imhotep. We present our creativity here through means of certain personalities of history/mythology. You dont stop working on your painting, because someone else used the same colors as you.
    Last edited by DelRey; February 27th, 2021 at 04:51 PM.

  10. #2410
    吸血鬼 Vampire Vance's Avatar
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    Peak Performance

    True Name: Mariya Oktyabrskaya
    Class: Avenger
    Alt. Class: Rider, Berserker
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    Region: Russia
    Source: Historical Fact
    Armament: Tank, Handgun

    Parameters:
    Strength: C+
    Endurance: B+
    Agility: D+
    Mana: D
    Luck: C

    Class Skills:

    Avenger C
    A Class Skill of the Avenger class, representing the state of an Avenger as one that gathers people's hatreds and grudges onto oneself. It is easier for one to accumulate hatred and resentment. The rate of mana generation becomes higher when receiving damage.

    Oblivion Correction C+
    a Class Skill of the Avenger class. People are creatures that forget many things, but an Avenger never forgets. The critical effect of Avengers who attack from beyond one's memory is strengthened. She will forgive those who invaded her motherland and killed her husband but those who harm her loved ones will find her coming.

    Self Replenishment E++
    A Class Skill of the Avenger class. One's Magical Energy endlessly surges until their revenge is accomplished. Recovers a minuscule amount of magical energy every turn. If anyone she has come to love is killed by an enemy, this skill is surge as her hatred erupts.

    Personal Skills:

    Bravery B
    The ability to negate mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. It also has the bonus effect of increasing melee damage. Not usable under the effects of Mad Enhancement.

    Reparations amidst the Hail B
    A skill representing the events where Avenger had routinely come out of her tank while in combat to conduct repairs. As long as she focuses solely on support, most projectiles are outright redirected. Noble Phantasms and wide area effects aren't affected by this. Originally an A ranked skill, it lowered due to her current station as an Avenger.

    Mechanized Armor A+
    A skill brought about from the peak manifestation of Avenger's noble phantasm. The Mechanical Armor skill grants a rank up to the Strength and Endurance attributes and bestows "+" modifiers to three parameters by means of a boost function brought about by the armor.

    Noble Phantasm

    Fighting Girlfriend: I Throw Away Everything To Strike At Them Longer
    Rank: D+++
    Type: Anti-Self, Anti-Army

    The noble phantasm of Avenger. The tank that she had spent away all her possessions to buy so she could exact revenge on the invading Nazi army. First manifesting as a particularly durable T-34 medium tank, her noble phantasm has the capability to easily take out waves of human level opponents but stands little chance against a servant. However, it's strength lies when more magical energy is put into it by Avenger. The more that Avenger sacrifices to the tank, the more its strength, durability, and speed increases. To achieve its maximum potential, Avenger will sacrifice her own Saint Graph to the tank, fusing with it. This fusion causes the tank to now manifest as a power suit around her body, allowing her function as a mobile juggernaut.


    Personality

    "War is not a good thing, in my eyes. This one is no different."

    Avenger is a stern woman with quiet determination permeating her. Barely interacting with others unless she needs something though she doesn't mind being approached either.

    "Hmm, heroes who hail from that Germany? I've no problem with them unless they are in collusion with those detestable, warmongering, home invading worms."

    Avenger's general disposition can reasonably be explained by her hatred being focused onto one group in particular, which allows her to be pretty companionable for the most part. However…

    "I'll destroy them all, you know. Those who kill you. I can't stop, I won't stop, and I'll hate myself for not stopping. So please...please stay away from all of this."

    If at some point, Avenger makes a particularly deep bond with an individual, treat this as an unfortunate occurrence. For she who has deprived herself of everything to destroy her enemies will do once again to become an unfeeling terminator, in the case that one precious person of hers is killed in the line of fire.

    Last edited by Vance; February 27th, 2021 at 05:44 PM.

  11. #2411
    I'm a peaceful woman with bad intentions. Lady Vanatos's Avatar
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    Imhotep: I'm a big fan of Egyptian shit so not only did I enjoy your Imhotep but also your own spin on the mythology itself. I can agree that the wall of text can be a bit of a hassle for me usually but if I'm really interested that that's no issue for me personally and I found this sheet super coolio, fam. I give it a KINO out of 10. GG
    Current FGO setup

  12. #2412
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Imhotep : i had him in mind but certain hints did let him fall out why werent i go About the Thot Connection .i must admit that i also here am not fond of These Allien aspects but aside that really good work i must say the skills are good and that with Innocent Monster is intersting i must say . plus funny Explanation.

    Though i must ask some Questions at first why does he loath the Greek Gods and more specific does he only hate the MEcha ones of the Grand order timeline or them in General ?

    Second as there are some charackters that are had a similar Role like he am i curious what he thinks of :my Hermes Trismegistos as he were the original Mentor which passed the Alchemy unto the Humenkind ,further through Thot have the a connectin.My Hippokrates as the Man which made out of the MAgical Healing procedures the Humancraft Medicine . and Thales which were the first Humen Born Sage of Greece which opened the Gate towards the Higher Wisdoms ?

    in either case very good work . I dont think that much love for the Details is bad ,perhaps i should reveal my Grand Rider servant ...

    Also perhaps i should then reveal my Egyptian God servants in the near time to demonstrate my understanding hmmm .
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; February 27th, 2021 at 04:09 PM.
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  13. #2413

    The Steel Driving Berserker
    "vrrrrrr VRRRRRRRRRR VRRRUUUUUUUUUUUM hisssssssssssss ssss"

    Class: Berserker
    True Name: John Henry
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Place of Origin: United States
    Source: American Folklore

    Lore

    Where John Henry came from and where his deeds took place is unclear. He was an African American man, possibly a former slave, who labored to build railroad tunnels in the Appalachian Mountains. The bosses of his company saw most of the laborers as simple tools. John Henry, however, was different. His talent and achievements as a steel driving man inspired awe. The man worked as hard as he did, not for the money, rather instead to inspire pride in what humans are capable of. When the company brought in a prototype steam-powered drill, touted as superior to any human laborer, John Henry would have none of it. To prove the superiority of humans, he agreed to a contest between him and the steam drill. A mountain of a man, John Henry wielded two sledgehammers in tandem to drive a steel drill into the mountain. While the man worked tirelessly, the machine was faster. However, pushed to its limits, the machine continuously broke down, giving John Henry the victory. Amid his triumph, the man fell dead from exhaustion, having gone far past his limitations.


    Description
    Berserker’s deeds elevated him to the level of a hero, cementing his place at the Throne of Heroes. In an ironic twist of fate, however, his saint graph was warped to summon him as a more powerful servant. He was merged with the very machine that he hated and defeated, incorporating all the relentless power of the Industrial Age. Berserker takes the form of a massive steam-powered cyborg. His body is mostly metallic, made of complicated machinery resembling that of an automobile engine. Parts of his body are covered by metal plates. The metal is battered and lightly rusted. The head of the machine is smooth like a skull. Berserker’s eyes are the only part of his human body that is still visible. The eyes are so bloodshot and cloudy, however, that they give the impression that they are glowing red. In place of nostrils and a mouth, there are vents where steam and exhaust are released. When Berserker’s Turbocharger is activated, flames spit forth from these vents.

    This corruption of his legend tortures and suppresses Berserker’s human side. He was able to die on his own terms, with pride in his humanity, only to be converted into a hideous machine. Most of his personal qualities are caged under machinery. Small, though significant, traces of his humanity do persist. He does display a tiny bit of concern for his master in one matter. If his master's residence is dirty, he will display his rage towards his master before meticulously dusting the entire place. His single goal and purpose by the strongest desire of his human side. That desire is for the total restoration of Berserker's humanity. Berserker pursues this paying to attention to any other human matters, however. Morality and empathy do not favor whatsoever into the equation when formulating the optimal plan to achieve his goal. As the Holy Grail offers the best means of realizing his desire, Berserker will mercilessly and tirelessly hunt down and eliminate anyone, servant or human, who poses a potential threat. Even if Berserker does win his humanity back, will he be able to endure with the knowledge that he committed so many sins to restore himself?


    Parameters:
    STR: B
    END: EX
    AGI: E
    MGI: B
    LCK: C
    NP: B-A+

    Height/Weight: 199 cm/680 kg
    Gender: Male
    Likes: Blues music, humanity, tobacco
    Dislikes: Machines, dust
    Natural Enemy: Babbage, Tesla, Edison
    Attribute: Human
    Armament: Sledgehammers
    Catalyst: Broken steam drill

    Class Skills:
    Madness Enhancement (C): Berserker’s humanity has been almost entirely sealed away. His overwhelming machine rationality robs him of human reason. While it is possible to communicate with him, the inability to grasp the human perspective means Berserker generally ignores humans. At the cost of having boosted parameters, the only sounds he can produce are the roars of a motor or steam hisses.
    Independent Action (C): Berserker can store mana as fuel, allowing him to survive without a master for one day.

    Personal Skills:
    Mana Burst (Dynamite) (A): Highly compressed mana that can make Berserker’s sledgehammer strikes literally explosive. Though generally used against barriers, this attack can be employed dangerously in single combat.
    Turbocharger (C): An enhancement that allows Berserker to temporarily negate some of his deficiencies. When active, Berserker’s END and AGI parameters are swapped. It can only be activated for a few seconds, however.
    Machine Efficiency (A): A quality of mechanical beings who possess high level tactics and instinct to optimize completing their task. However, any human qualities such as morality or partiality are erased.

    Noble Phantasms

    Steel Driver – Modern Day Mjölnirs
    Type: Anti-Mountain
    Rank: B-A+
    The job of a steel driving man like Berserker is to pound away at a steel drill, driving it further and further into the side of mountain to create a bore in the rock. Dynamite is then placed in the hole and exploded, clearing more rock. The process then repeats on from there. The essence of a steel driving man, then, is that of a living tool, valued for the endurance of his muscles to withstand hours of back-breaking labor. Unlike the work of a machine, then, the work of the steel driving man is defined by perseverance rather than relentlessness. A steel driving man’s simple sledgehammer is his rainwater and stream water, which are nature’s hammers of erosion. Unimpressive to the eyes of a human passerby, from the perspective of gods, they are forces than can reduce mountains.
    Berserker wields two of these hammers. For him, one is a thunderstorm and the other is a torrential river. All his labors are stored within up these tools. Berserker can compress these labors into individual strikes. These hammers allow Berserker to shatter medium level barriers with concentrated blows.

    Man v. Machine – Metal Replaces Muscle, Muscle Replaces Metal
    Type: Anti-Legend (Self)
    Rank: B
    The Industrial Age brings a new kind of adversity to struggle against. Efficiency and mass production mean the worker’s humanity has little value or is even seen as a negative when compared to a soulless machine. Seemingly, the only way for a human to keep up is by shedding their own humanity. To justify their value, workers reduce themselves to the levels of machines. One sheds their perseverance and takes on relentlessness instead. This, too, was the case with Berserker, a man who valued his humanity so much that he would be robbed of it. Appalled at the idea of machines replacing steel driving men, he tapped into the unique human ability to push beyond physical limits to prove the inferiority of the machine. This came at the cost of his life. This tale manifests in Berserker’s own body. His human form is buried under machine enhancements. These mechanical parts provide exceptional durability. As broken machines can be repaired by replacing parts, damages that Berserker sustains, even lost limbs, can be restored at a high price of mana, meaning Berserker can endure all but the most destructive attacks.

    The drawbacks of this mechanized form are clear in combat. It restricts Berserker from surpassing his limits. Fierce, sustained combat causes the machine to overheat. In this condition, the necessity of human qualities becomes clear and this Noble Phantasm is activated. Berserker sheds his machine shell and liberates his human form, revealing the true steel driving man. In this state, all parameters improve by one rank, except for AGI, which increases by two ranks. While Berserker loses the Turbocharger, Machine Efficiency, and Independent Action skills, Madness Enhancement improves by one rank. However, since Berserker is pushing himself past his limits, sustaining his enhanced human form dramatically drains mana. Remaining so for more than an hour will cause certain death. It can even result in injury or death for the Master. A simple cooldown from combat is enough to allow Berserker’s machinery to reactivate and once again suppress Berserker’s humanity. Berserker’s improved Madness Enhancement means he is capable of normal human communication. This does not mean, however, that he will obey his master. His ability to speak also means that he can invoke the name of his Noble Phantasm, Steel Driver, and unleash its full A+ rank strength, giving him the power to pummel through mountains. Since Berserker values his humanity above all else, the torture of losing it again is something he cannot accept. Nor can he abide the atrocities he committed and will commit in his machine form. He will refuse to cool down from combat and almost always requires a command spell to return to his machine form.


    Source: John Henry: The Steel Age Graphic Novel

    Last edited by doncosaco; February 27th, 2021 at 04:55 PM.

  14. #2414
    Lost in Paradise RoydGolden's Avatar
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    John Henry: Damn, this is a really cool but tragic take on the guy. Spent his whole life striving to prove the worth of humans over soulless machines only to end up getting conflated by the very machine he defeated. I feel like he could fit perfectly in the Lostbelt I imagined for my James Watt Beast Servant. He'd be a tragic villain who ends up serving the industrial empire thanks to his humanity being suppressed only to finally regain it and sacrifice himself for the heroes in a crucial moment, dying with pride as a human again.

    For his first NP, does it actually tap into lightning and rain powers or is that just a bit of metaphor/imagery (sorta' like the Breath Styles don't literally summon their respective elements in Demon Slayer)?

  15. #2415
    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Oh i did not look at my calendar, it is Mecha-Saturday as it seems.

    Mariya: I saw the 2nd FC and thought "What the...?!". An interesting woman during life. I guess her first iteration was Rider, because her armor skill calls her rider? A pretty cool idea to make her into a moving tank.

    Henry: Actually a sad story of him becoming what he wanted to beat. I respect that man. I think he would have been a great addition to the Greek Lostbelt thematically.

  16. #2416
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    John Henry: I had the idea of a John Henry Berserker a long time ago, and I'm glad to say this is probably better than whatever I might have done with it. Great job.

  17. #2417
    吸血鬼 Vampire BnEl15's Avatar
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    Lancer of the Achaemenid Empire
    "So you're the one who called upon my name? So be it. My True Name is Cambyses II, second King of the Achaemenid Empire, the King of Kings, he who brought down the Egyptian Pantheon! To limit my glory under one Servant Class container... I find it rather disgraceful, but I suppose such a thing is beyond your control. Either way, I shall prove my might to you in battle. Prepare to know the full extent of my power."


    Source

    "Singularities, Lostbelts... Hoho, you're quite an interesting one, aren't you? You went through so much, sacrificed so many, yet you continue to move forward! Heh... AHAHAHAH, EXCELLENT! You may continue to amuse me! Show me that inexhaustible, hopeless resolve you possess in the face of adversity!"

    Class: Lancer
    Other Classes: Rider, Berserker
    True Name: Cambyses II
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Origin: Achaemenid Empire (6th century BC)

    Parameters:

    STR: A
    END: B
    AGI: B+
    MGI: C
    LCK: C
    NP: A

    Likes: Humanity, sadistic choices, cats (but he wouldn't admit it)
    Dislikes: "People who can't choose", biased historians
    Talent: Observation, conquest, mind games
    Natural Enemy: Egyptian Pharaohs, Herodotus
    Armament: Spear, chariot
    Catalyst: Fragments of his spear


    Class Skills
    Magic Resistance (A)

    Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether. Cancel spells of A-Rank or below, no matter what High-Thaumaturgy it is. In practice, the Servant is untouchable to modern magi, so it would not be an exaggeration to title the Servant a "Magus Killer". Known for his brutality when facing the Egyptians, it can be said that his campaigns heavily accelerated the decline of the Age of Gods in Northeast Africa. This gave him Magic Resistance at an exceedingly high rank.

    Divinity (D)

    The measure of whether one has Divine Spirit aptitude or not. This Skill has an effect which reduces special defensive values called "purge defense" in proportion to the Divinity's Rank. It can break through Skills such as Protection of the Faith and Enlightenment of the Sacred Fig. While he bears no relation to actual divinity, it was said that he received the blessing of the Babylonian chief god Marduk. Supposedly he would assume Marduk's more violent persona during his conquests to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. This perception of him may have granted him a minor-ranked Divinity.


    Personal Skills
    Charisma (B)

    A composite Skill consisting of a person's charm as well as the natural talent to command or unify an army or country. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. Having B-rank in this Skill is sufficient to lead a nation as its King/Queen. The morale of military forces he commands is extremely high. It also allows the user to negate the Emergency Prerogative skill of enemies. While his reign was relatively brief, his charisma and prowess in battle allows him to rule while facing little to no opposition.

    Affection of the Supreme Deity (B)

    A Skill denoting the blessing Lancer received from Marduk. The Babylonian chief god was known to preside over justice, compassion, healing, regeneration, magic, and fairness, although he is also sometimes referenced as a storm god and agricultural deity. Channeling Marduk's authority allows Lancer to temporarily reinforce his strength, agility, and endurance, while also granting him a minor healing factor. However, channeling these benefits cost mana and cannot be used for long periods of time due to his ultimately human Saint Graph.

    God-Slayer (A)

    A Skill denoting one's ability to combat divine entities. Lancer was known for desecrating temples, burning statues, and ridiculing the local deities during his conquest of Egypt. His most famous feat during this period involves him slaughtering a sacred bull believed to be an incarnation of Apis, one of the most important deities in the Egyptian Pantheon. This feat translates into a powerful extra damage modifier that applies whenever Lancer engages divine entities in combat.

    Human Observation (C)

    The technique to observe and understand people. Lancer possesses an innate sense of curiosity and perceptiveness towards other humans. This allows him to discern their "core values", their beliefs and the things they hold dear, simply through observation and a few basic exchanges. Through this, he can trap his enemies in mind games, offer them sadistic choices, and most of all, effectively use his second Noble Phantasm against them.


    Noble Phantasm(s)
    False Spear of the Storm God
    Imhullu Cambysium

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: C
    Range: 1-50
    Max Targets: 50 people

    "Can you feel it? A storm is brewing... and you're right in its range! This is the spear entrusted to me by the chief god Marduk! Now come, heroes! Do you have what it takes to weather the storm!?"

    The Imhullu is a powerful weapon belonging to the chief god Marduk. More specifically, the aspect of him that presides over storms. Its true form is unclear, as different sources offered different explanations on what the Imhullu actually is, ranging from a staff, a tome, a sword, a spear, and so on. Lancer possesses a false version of this Noble Phantasm due to the blessing he received, as well as his tendency to assume the role of Marduk's
    executioner
    emissary
    during his conquests. Naturally, under this particular Class container, the weapon manifests itself as a spear that grants Lancer a portion of Marduk's authority over storms. Without releasing its True Name, Lancer can conjure powerful gusts of winds and occasional thunderstrikes to attack his enemies. By releasing its True Name, Lancer creates a small, localized hurricane surrounding himself, obscuring his movements with dark clouds and greatly increasing his agility. Despite its relatively limited range, this localized hurricane contains potentially dangerous debris, violent thunderstrikes, and sharp gales capable of cutting through flesh. That said, due to Lancer's human limitations, the full power of this "hurricane mode" can only last for up to two minutes. Thus, instead of prolonging his battles, Lancer prefers to release this move as a single, devastating charging attack. To get hit by it is akin to receiving the full force of a raging storm.

    Desecrate Your Convictions and Strike Me Down
    Imhullu Pelusium

    Type: Anti-Unit, "Anti-Principle"
    Rank: A+
    Range: 1-5
    Max Targets: 10


    Source

    "The brutal choice stands before you! Those precious ideals and convictions you hold so dear... Will you protect them until the very end, or will you throw them all away in exchange for my life!? Come, show me the full extent of your resolve!"

    Lancer's second Noble Phantasm, this time based on his most famous feat rather than a blessing from Marduk. A crystallization of his decisive victory in the Battle of Pelusium, which allowed him to conquer Egypt. The battle ended quickly in an overwhelmingly one-sided victory, with Egyptian casualties numbering around 50,000 in comparison to the Achaemenid's mere 7,000. Yet Lancer did not win this battle through might alone. It was said that Lancer devised a certain clever tactic to combat the Egyptians who had them outnumbered. The Egyptians regarded cats as a sacred animal on account of the cat goddess Bastet. Thus, they refused to harm them on any account. Learning this, Lancer ordered his men to carry cats in front of them during the attack, akin to an additional suit of armor. This presented the Egyptians with a sadistic choice: protecting the sanctity of their beliefs and surrendering their lives before the invaders, or throwing away their beliefs and striking down the invaders threatening their very lives. The Egyptians did not dare to shoot their arrows for fear of wounding the animals, and so the battle resulted in a one-sided massacre. This legend would go on to become one of the earliest examples of psychological warfare

    Embodying the same concept, this Noble Phantasm presents the targets with a sadistic choice; their core principles; the values that define them, or Lancer's own life? Upon unleashing its True Name, Lancer creates a bounded field that encapsulates himself and the targets. Within this bounded field, Lancer's first Noble Phantasm is sealed, and he is stripped of Marduk's divine protection. In exchange, however, this Noble Phantasm utilizes Lancer's Human Observation to register his existence as "something that completely opposes the targets' core principles". For example, if a target has the principle to "never strike an innocent", Lancer's existence is registered as "innocent" by the world within the bounded field. Similarly, if the target once vowed to "never hit a child", his existence is registered as "a child", no matter how unlikely or impossible it may seem. When these conditions are active, any act of violence directed towards Lancer would be perceived as a "transgression" by the world, and the target would be hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt; the sensation that they had thrown away a valuable part of themselves. Within the bounded field, this sense of guilt also manifests as numerous heavy iron chains emerging from the ground. Naturally, the first strike would also seal any Skill and/or Noble Phantasm that relies on the target upholding such values. With each perceived "transgression", more and more chains would bind the target, weighing them down, restricting their movements, and slowly crushing them. On the other hand, with each "transgression", the target's guilt would be converted into a source of power for Lancer's spear, which would radiate an increasingly powerful, ominous purple glow. Once Lancer deems it enough, he would unleash a single, retaliatory strike on the target, embodying the concept of "betraying oneself". Its strength is proportionate to the amount of guilt and remorse the target feels toward their own actions.

    There are two (relatively) simple ways to resist this Noble Phantasm's effects. The first and most obvious one would be to not attack Lancer at all while this Noble Phantasm is active. Doing this is much easier said than done, however, due to Lancer's penchant for mind games. It's not impossible to imagine him gradually persuading you to question your own beliefs, make increasingly questionable compromises, and eventually ask if all of it is worth it, all to push you to attack him, which is exactly what he wants you to do. In that sense, to resist this Noble Phantasm, one must possess firm conviction and unshakable moral compass. A second, arguably darker way, however... is to possess absolutely zero conviction and moral compass. This Noble Phantasm is reliant on the target feeling guilt and remorse for their actions. These feelings are what created the chains and powered up Lancer's spear. Without those, this Noble Phantasm would effectively lose its purpose as the target could just effortlessly shrug off Lancer's mind games and attack him directly. Of course, in most cases, even the worst criminals still has lines they refuse to cross, or at least a certain moral code they live by. Thus, one must be an inhuman monster (metaphorically and/or literally speaking) in order to feel zero remorse over their own actions.


    Description
    Lancer's True Name is ​Cambyses II, second King of the Achaemenid Empire.

    Lancer is a loud, boisterous man befitting of his title. The type who would endlessly boast about his feats, demand respect from others, and laugh at his own (less than funny) jokes. At first glance, one may liken him to similar God-Kings such as Gilgamesh and Ozymandias. However, there is a much darker, fundamental difference between them...

    The Greek historian Herodotus portrayed Lancer as a mad king who desecrated temples, slayed the Apis bull, banned religious practices, and ridiculed local deities during his time in Egypt. Lancer denies these claims, and perhaps surprisingly, he was supported by more recent findings. Most of Herodotus' accounts were greatly exaggerated; despite not being a believer himself, he continued to maintain existing traditions, and no Apis bulls were reportedly harmed during his reign. Overall, as Pharaoh, he was actually a semi-decent ruler. Yet at the same time... how does one explain the massacre he committed during the battle of Pelusium? Did historians exaggerate his feats again?

    The answer is no.

    If there is one thing that differentiates Lancer from other individuals who bear similar titles to himself, it's that he's not motivated by power, fame, or fortune. Even as King, he considers worldly luxuries such as those to be beneath him. In truth, he possesses an intense obsession to see "the wonders of humanity"; a clash of ideals, a battle between opposing principles, the true nature of man... to him, those things are "beautiful", and this beauty can only be seen when humans are struggling, in the most desperate of times. Thus, Lancer wages wars not out of malice, but simply out of morbid, almost childlike curiosity. A chance to see humanity in all its glory and depravity. To this end, Lancer is extremely fond of presenting others with sadistic choices; forcing others to choose between two equally important things they value, such as their ideals and their loved ones. Of course, there is no "right answer" in his book. Whether one chooses to prioritize their ideals and forsake their loved ones, or protect their loved ones and abandon their ideals, the end result is of no concern to him. After all, these choices were made not as a part of some larger, diabolical plot, but simply as something to sate his own curiosity. The mere act of choosing one over the other, and the effort one would take to save their preferred choice is enough to satisfy him.

    In fact, this was exactly what happened during the Battle of Pelusium. Seeing the Egyptians lay down their arms before his army's "feline armor", Lancer's curiosity was piqued once again. Just how far will these people go for the sake of their beliefs? Will they continue to protect them, even if it means laying down their own lives? Thus he killed them. And he killed again. And again. And again. Even as blood and corpses littered the battlefield, Lancer continued to kill, in search of his answer. Roughly 50,000 bodies later, he reached his conclusion. The Egyptians were fully willing to give up their lives for the sanctity of their beliefs. He deemed it a respectable answer, and saw no more reason to inflict further unnecessary suffering upon them. He swiftly conquered the rest of Egypt and ruled over the nation as a benevolent ruler, even as his people cursed his name and wished for his head.

    As any arrogant God-King, Lancer's main weakness is hubris. Oftentimes, his arrogance would prove to be his own undoing. Aside from that, his desire to see "the beauty of humanity" also causes him to be extremely fixated on his idea of sadistic choices: "choose A or B". This may lead to him overlooking minor details and/or dismissing the possibility of a third option which may cause his downfall. Yet even then, should one be able to see through Lancer's mind games and defeat him by taking the third option, killing him while simultaneously protecting all they hold dear... Even then, Lancer would not object to such an end. He would simply clap merrily while offering a hearty smile, even as his body fades away. After all, the human ability to reject his choices, take another option which he couldn't foresee, and overcome this overwhelming adversity... that, too, is beautiful in his eyes.


    Lore
    Cambyses II (???-522 BC) was the second King of Kings of the Achaemenid Empire from 530 to 522 BC. He was the son and successor of Cyrus the Great. As Crown Prince, it was said that he received blessings from the Babylonian chief god Marduk. As a young man, he was briefly appointed to serve as governor of Northern Babylonia under his father from April 539 BC to December 538 BC. However, his "disrespectful" attitude towards the Babylonian Priesthood caused him to become unpopular with his people. Offended by his actions, the priests interpreted a famine in the region as a sign that the gods opposed his rule. Eventually, he stepped down from his position as governor, although he remained active in the region, particularly around the cities of Babylon and Sippar, before being appointed by his father as co-ruler in 530 BC, who set off to mount an expedition against the Massagetae of Central Asia, where he met his end. Cambyses thus became the sole ruler of the vast Achaemenid Empire, facing no noticeable opposition.

    Cambyses' relatively brief reign was marked by his conquests in Africa, notably Egypt, which he conquered after his victory over the Egyptian pharaoh Psamtik III at the battle of Pelusium in 525 BC. After having established himself in Egypt, he expanded his holdings in Africa even further, such as his conquest of Cyrenaica. In the spring of 522 BC, Cambyses hurriedly left Egypt to deal with a rebellion in Persia. While en route in Syria, he received a wound to the thigh, which was soon affected by gangrene. Cambyses died three weeks later at a location called Agbatana, which is most likely the modern city of Hama. He died childless, and was thus succeeded by his younger brother Bardiya, who ruled for a short period before being overthrown by Darius the Great, who went on to increase the power of the Achaemenids even further.

    While contemporary sources depict Cambyses as a regular king who accommodated to the cultural and religious practices of the lands he conquered, Herodotus portrays him as a stereotypical mad king. Herodotus accuses Cambyses of defiling and burning the corpse of pharaoh Amasis and slaying a newborn Apis calf, who was worshipped as a god in Egyptian religion. In addition, Herodotus interprets Cambyses' murder of his brother Smerdis and his marriage to his sisters Roxane and Atossa as signs of his madness. Such stereotypical portrayals, however, usually arise from subjective oral traditions and should be treated with suspicion. Moreover, even more evidence has emerged in recent times proving that while he was unsurprisingly unpopular with the Egyptians, most of his crueler anecdotes during his time in Egypt had been greatly exaggerated.


    Relationships
    Ozymandias:
    "Your pride over your firstborn son. I see."

    Nitocris:
    "Your brothers over your title. Understandable."

    Iskandar:
    "Your ambitions over your kingdom. Interesting."

    Cleopatra:
    "Your personal happiness over the ancient dynasty. Thus Egypt fell. Yet even that is a respectable choice, in and of itself."

    Tamamo Cat, Tamamo-no-Mae, Tamamo-no-Mae (Summer), Tamamo Vitch:
    "There's quite a lot of you here, isn't there? Enough to call it... a Cat-aclysm, WAHAHAHAH! Eh? What's with that look? Now, now, despite how I look, I'm actually quite a fan of cats myself! I used to have lots of them in my palace, and- Eh? You're not a cat? W-Wait, but it's in the name! You're totally- Hm? What's this about something castration fi-"
    *Lancer-Class Servant, Cambyses II, has been desummoned*

    Gilgamesh (Archer):
    "Your presence is similar to Marduk's... but you're far too boring! What good is there in a king who spent his days lazing around in his throne and enjoying only the finest things in life!? Where's the beauty in that!?"

    Gilgamesh (Caster):
    "Now you, on the other hand... It seems life had tested you well. You have the look of someone who went to hell and back, literally! You sacrificed your title for your friend, didn't you? I wonder, just what kind of conclusion did you reach at the end of your journey?"

    Christopher Columbus:
    "The sailor who continued to smile and sacrificed everything to reach his destination... Excellent! That fierce determination is the true essence of humanity!"

    Pioneers of the Stars:
    "So this is the pinnacle of humanity; those who spearheaded a new path, overcoming the most difficult of adversities for the sake of your convictions. Truly, you have my respect!"

    Herodotus:
    "Ah, to paint the world in black and white, painting me as a tyrannical monster, and Egypt as the poor, helpless victims... isn't that just too convenient? You're dismissing the beauty behind it all! The convictions and beliefs of thousands, both my men, and the warriors who bravely fought for their homeland until the very end, you're missing the point of it all! If you consider me a monster, then write me as the true monster that I am, not as a mere oversimplified villain! Capture the beauty of the people's convictions with every last stroke of your pen! That is how a true historian should be!"

    Oichi, Lucian of Samosata:
    "Now, now, don't look upon me with such scornful eyes, my friends! Do you take me for some savage, heartless brute who conquered for land, power, and riches? Those shallow motives are far beneath me! I consider myself a scholar, a researcher, if you will. Why I did the things I did... Because I'm curious, of course! What need have I for any deeper reason? I want to see humanity at its best and its worst! Seeing them squirm when presented with my choices, and seeing them overcome even the most grueling of adversities... That, is the beauty of humanity! In terms you can understand, perhaps it's akin to watching a good movie or reading a novel, seeing the hero triumph over evil... Those displays are enough to move me to tears, and I can never tire of them!"


    Creator's Notes/Fun Facts
    A yakuza boss after a cop, someone who crushed Egypt after a legendary Pharaoh... what is it with these coincidences?

    - Wow, it sure has been a while since I made any actual unrepentant villains on my sheets. Seriously, you can imagine him being as much of an asshole as possible to an enemy while having them trapped in his second NP, gloating and picking away at their insecurities in hopes of pissing the target enough to attack him.

    - I'd like to give myself a pat in the back for turning the guy known for his usage of cat-armor into, well, the terrifying antagonist you see before you. Turning the cat-armor into Imhullu Pelusium, an embodiment of his morbid fascination with humanity and penchant for sadistic choices is definitely one of my more creative ideas as of late.

    - Despite how much of a magnificent bastard he is, his alignment still counts as Chaotic Neutral since his actions weren't made out of any malicious or evil intent. He's simply morbidly curious and eager to see "the beauty of humanity" with his own eyes.

    - Imhullu Pelusium is a hard-counter to Lucian's whole kit, since his entire skillset relies on him upholding the principles of heroism. The moment he decides to strike Cambyses when the Noble Phantasm is active, the world would deem him a villain and strip him of most of his powers.

    - Not counting the extra classes, I always feel like I have the most difficulty coming up with Lancers. The weapon just went out of style way before the sword, and they also have no modern equivalent like how Archers can also use firearms and other long-range weapons when the bow and arrow is no longer widely used. Not to mention, I just found way less legendary spears throughout history and mythology as opposed to swords, most of the time.
    Last edited by BnEl15; February 28th, 2021 at 12:23 PM.
    Feel free to look at my Servant sheets here (Now 100% fixed and viewable)

  18. #2418
    リビングデッド Living Dead NittyGritty's Avatar
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    I really like that John Henry sheet but all I could think about while reading it was this:

    Made ya look :P

  19. #2419
    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    John Henry: Damn, this is a really cool but tragic take on the guy. Spent his whole life striving to prove the worth of humans over soulless machines only to end up getting conflated by the very machine he defeated. I feel like he could fit perfectly in the Lostbelt I imagined for my James Watt Beast Servant. He'd be a tragic villain who ends up serving the industrial empire thanks to his humanity being suppressed only to finally regain it and sacrifice himself for the heroes in a crucial moment, dying with pride as a human again.

    For his first NP, does it actually tap into lightning and rain powers or is that just a bit of metaphor/imagery (sorta' like the Breath Styles don't literally summon their respective elements in Demon Slayer)?
    You know, your Wattbeast was actually a big inspiration for this. I don't think I would have thought of this without reading that amazing sheet first. A steampunk hell lostbelt is definitely an awesome idea.

    For the NP, it's definitely more the latter, more imagery and metaphor. In my head, though, it's more literal when John Henry is in his human form. I imagine him as resembling Thor, being practically a force of nature, terrifying but also beautiful and creative (unlike the machine which is just terrifying and destructive), hence the secondary name for Steel Driver referencing Thor's hammer. Maybe I'll edit the sheet to make this more explicit.

  20. #2420
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Cambyses II: Just like that you got the servant that Kirei had got if he hadnt chosed the Assassin class. That was my thought i am surprised to not see a Kirei line as they are similar i find . Well made idea the two Noblephantasm .

    An About Lancer i have counted i made currently more Lancers then Sabers class servants . i am curioes which noblephantasm would he had as Rider or Berserker ? and as i have already made two Persian Ruler servant i am curious how he think of my Kay Kawus and Shappur II ?

    And have you got some clues for the other Achaemenidic Rulers i mean ideas for servants of them like one of my fix Points is that i like to make a Darius I and Kyros the Great profile one day in either case i think that both would be justified Gilgamesh Tier servants .

    also which other srvants have you in planning BnEI15
    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





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