Create-A-Servant 3

[Bunhelier]

Khalid: Some interesting ideas here but he's kind of absurdly wanked. I get he's a famous general but a Skill that makes him untouchable to those without divinity (this is basically a stronger version of Achilles' Andreias Amarantos, only it's a Skill rather than an NP) and another star-ranked one (basically no one should have a star-ranked Skill unless they're using Moon Cell cheat-codes) that lets him pierce any defense is way too overpowered. His NPs are actually fine, and strangely much less wanked than his Skills.

I'd weaken the rank-down effect of Mubarizen and either scrap outright or severely nerf the last two Skills (for instance, Undefeated Unbreakable Sword could just be a boost to Luck and saving throws since his "undefeatibility" in legend was more through God's favor rather than being superhumanly tough, and Slightest Glitters Of The Absolute God could just be like Natural Body and keep his Strength from ranking down by any means). Pillar Of Glory can stay but probably doesn't need to be EX-rank for those effects, since it's a fairly typical "intimidating presence" Skill and not anything so special. Also the FC and image-link aren't showing up correctly.

I see, thanks for the feedback.

In my defense, i'm trying to make him more powerful than Solomon because the concepts behind him was and undefeated Noble Phantasm of God. The Noble Phantasm of the big G must be strong no? Luckily he's great person who have amazing feats in his life, so its not hard to wank make him strong than any obscure character.

Mubarizun: i see at first i'm also think the rank-down effect is too high, but Mubarizun was not his exclusive skill, there are numerous Servant with this Skill (among them Khaula, Zirrar, Abu Ubaidah and other Khalid close friends) and the rank also varies for each person, so i think untill i made the other Mubarizun i'd let the skill untouched for now.

The Slightest Glitters of Absolute God:

As Solomon was weak without his Ten Riings. This was Khalid's main skill and the skill with a deep connection with the concepts behind him (undefeated NP of God) without this ability he will lost about half of his power namely;

The Undefeated Unbreakable Sword: without the authority and the Absolute properties he gain from TSGoAG he will lost his invulnerability (the reason for his invulnerability against human was because the anectdote in his deathbed where he regrets that he cannot die on the battlefield in which his friends told him that no man can break the Sword of God, hence i think you need atleast anti-purge effect namely Divinity in order to have the qualificafion to kill him and this is why this Skill is deeply related in his concepts as the Sword of God), healing and the effects of reducing the opponent's attacks. In other words The Undefeated Unbreakable Sword will be reduced to Battle Continuation.

Independent Manifestation: as he can only manifest by the will of God hence he carried TSGoAG ability, if its gone this Independent Manifestation will also likely gone thus weakening his second NP. As he does not exist in the Throne of Heroes he possess a Special Saint Graph different from normal, Grand and even Beast Saint Graph, it could be said the Saint Graph was unique for him created by God, so losing this ability would possibly makes him summonable in the Throne of Heroes and reduces his Saint Graph to that of normal Servants.

NP: without TSGoAG the Maeraka Alsuyuf will lost its authority inside of each Swords and the last two NP will either lost or replaced with much more weaker NP.

Pillar of Glory : this one is easy, the reason why the rank is EX is because of the Glory he brought makes him a threat to his own nation itself as not even the Chief Goddess of Arabia can shake the Pillar, the very reason why he was dismissed from the army so naturally the rank of this skill is very high even though its just simply intimidation ability, i'd say this ability is enough to make gods and Gilgamesh sees him as a big threat.

Uh thats weird the Image link works fine for me, do you have idea how to fix it?

[Cursed by Fortuna]

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[Kabalisto Koga]

Sure I'd be cool with that, I think I mentioned I've got a bunch of these lying around that maybe someone could put to use.




Well Good to know I'm not the only one that happens to, personally I would recommend you go and make yourself a Pinterest or Imagur account (of you don't have one already) and post the image with the link there, then link to that. Sometimes I run into that problem with some of my stuff or with certain links, but I have yet to encounter this problem with Pinterest so that should probably fix it.

To be honest there would are after i saw your idea blog be curious About them . and i know you dont participate in the Servant contest but i have started a Magus contest and please take a look and try it .

[Cursed by Fortuna]

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[Skull]

^ Huh, that gives me an idea for a similar fan made Class.

[DelRey]

My thoughts while reading were
1) idol sounds like a corrupted Saver Class or a special kind of our beloved Lover Class
2) steno and euryale came to my mind when reading about holy girls. Werent their existences kinda similar?
3) i would not say Alter-Ego class is powerful, but those we know of are, notably the high servants of the alien god.

I think especially the link to saver is apparent in the use of counter hero and charisma as class skill. It is not bad. When viewed as a game they could basically function as evil aligned savers and can be summoned as such in fgo. Gonna be interesting which stigma ur B7 has, as it would kinda need to align with what the stigma of the big bad of the lb story is

[RoydGolden]

I see, thanks for the feedback.

In my defense, i'm trying to make him more powerful than Solomon because the concepts behind him was and undefeated Noble Phantasm of God. The Noble Phantasm of the big G must be strong no? Luckily he's great person who have amazing feats in his life, so its not hard to wank make him strong than any obscure character.

Mubarizun: i see at first i'm also think the rank-down effect is too high, but Mubarizun was not his exclusive skill, there are numerous Servant with this Skill (among them Khaula, Zirrar, Abu Ubaidah and other Khalid close friends) and the rank also varies for each person, so i think untill i made the other Mubarizun i'd let the skill untouched for now.

The Slightest Glitters of Absolute God:

As Solomon was weak without his Ten Riings. This was Khalid's main skill and the skill with a deep connection with the concepts behind him (undefeated NP of God) without this ability he will lost about half of his power namely;

The Undefeated Unbreakable Sword: without the authority and the Absolute properties he gain from TSGoAG he will lost his invulnerability (the reason for his invulnerability against human was because the anectdote in his deathbed where he regrets that he cannot die on the battlefield in which his friends told him that no man can break the Sword of God, hence i think you need atleast anti-purge effect namely Divinity in order to have the qualificafion to kill him and this is why this Skill is deeply related in his concepts as the Sword of God), healing and the effects of reducing the opponent's attacks. In other words The Undefeated Unbreakable Sword will be reduced to Battle Continuation.

Independent Manifestation: as he can only manifest by the will of God hence he carried TSGoAG ability, if its gone this Independent Manifestation will also likely gone thus weakening his second NP. As he does not exist in the Throne of Heroes he possess a Special Saint Graph different from normal, Grand and even Beast Saint Graph, it could be said the Saint Graph was unique for him created by God, so losing this ability would possibly makes him summonable in the Throne of Heroes and reduces his Saint Graph to that of normal Servants.

NP: without TSGoAG the Maeraka Alsuyuf will lost its authority inside of each Swords and the last two NP will either lost or replaced with much more weaker NP.

Pillar of Glory : this one is easy, the reason why the rank is EX is because of the Glory he brought makes him a threat to his own nation itself as not even the Chief Goddess of Arabia can shake the Pillar, the very reason why he was dismissed from the army so naturally the rank of this skill is very high even though its just simply intimidation ability, i'd say this ability is enough to make gods and Gilgamesh sees him as a big threat.

Uh thats weird the Image link works fine for me, do you have idea how to fix it?

Enkidu had a similar concept as "living Noble Phantasm of (the) God(s)" and while certainly top-tier wasn't nearly this OP. So I still think you're going a bit far here. I'm not impressed by you're saying that he needs the last Skill to make his whole kit work, since you're the one who set it up that way. You could easily remake the sheet so he doesn't need that hax to function, and frankly the Independent Manifestation and not being on the Throne stuff also seems like needless wank IMO.

I think the invulnerability is an exaggeration of his legend where it sounds more like he couldn't be killed since he was so skilled/favored by God rather than superhumanly tough. Unless there's actually anecdotes of him taking mortal blows unscathed some kind of Luck boost while in battle would make more sense to encapsulate his assurance of victory. In any case having basically Achilles' invincibility NP in Skill form only without one of its critical weaknesses seems way too much.

[Cursed by Fortuna]

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[AAM1232]

SNIP

SNIP

Yeah, Royd's right in that you've thrown in far too much high stats and powerful abilities for Khalid to work. I'd question why a Saber needs Independent Manifestation or an army summon NP supported by it, let alone 3 EX Rank Personal Skills and a * Rank Skill that gives 10 Authorities. There are more tasteful ways of doing a Servant that's basically a hand of god/s than this. Solomon himself isn't super powerful in that manner either in canon, so that feels like a weak justification for this. There's a great Esfandiyar sheet elsewhere that does a far better job if you want an idea of how people tackle these types of characters.

[Bunhelier]

Yeah, Royd's right in that you've thrown in far too much high stats and powerful abilities for Khalid to work. I'd question why a Saber needs Independent Manifestation or an army summon NP supported by it, let alone 3 EX Rank Personal Skills and a * Rank Skill that gives 10 Authorities. There are more tasteful ways of doing a Servant that's basically a hand of god/s than this. Solomon himself isn't super powerful in that manner either in canon, so that feels like a weak justification for this. There's a great Esfandiyar sheet elsewhere that does a far better job if you want an idea of how people tackle these types of characters.

Well, Khalid is just that much a Figure, this might be biased but even without his connection to God he was still a top class Servant, with his connection to God he can be wanked easily as you see him now.

So far, him being Undefeated in his lifetime and killing a Chief God to completely annihilate an entire phanteon (albeit Divine Spirits) already put him among the top class Servant, with his connection to the big G as His Noble Phantasm i think him being overpowered is not something too strecth.

The only thing made Solomon powerful is because the blessing of the big G no? Like his Clairvoyance and Ten Rings to controls 72 Demon God.

That being said i admit that i might wank him too much because i think the big G is that much of deal. This is my first time creating a OC in here so is there any feedback aside from him being too overpowered for reference on my future Servant? And is the image work? I used Imgur and it doesnt work for me though i don't know if it works for others.

[RoydGolden]

Well, Khalid is just that much a Figure, this might be biased but even without his connection to God he was still a top class Servant, with his connection to God he can be wanked easily as you see him now.

So far, him being Undefeated in his lifetime and killing a Chief God to completely annihilate an entire phanteon (albeit Divine Spirits) already put him among the top class Servant, with his connection to the big G as His Noble Phantasm i think him being overpowered is not something too strecth.

The only thing made Solomon powerful is because the blessing of the big G no? Like his Clairvoyance and Ten Rings to controls 72 Demon God.

That being said i admit that i might wank him too much because i think the big G is that much of deal. This is my first time creating a OC in here so is there any feedback aside from him being too overpowered for reference on my future Servant? And is the image work? I used Imgur and it doesnt work for me though i don't know if it works for others.

I think you might be forgetting Servants are almost always weaker than they were in life (with some exceptions for weaker or more modern ones who can be empowered conceptually). No matter how special or amazing Khalid was in life or legend what you've made is just way too much for a Servant. Heck even the Grands aren't at that level I don't think. For the feat you mentioned, Scathach killed a whole bunch of Divine Spirits and is literally immortal yet she's not nearly that strong as a Servant. Hyping this guy up based on his iconic feats is one thing, but compared to canon characters who have similar concepts he's still absurdly wanked.

[AAM1232]

Well, Khalid is just that much a Figure, this might be biased but even without his connection to God he was still a top class Servant, with his connection to God he can be wanked easily as you see him now.

So far, him being Undefeated in his lifetime and killing a Chief God to completely annihilate an entire phanteon (albeit Divine Spirits) already put him among the top class Servant, with his connection to the big G as His Noble Phantasm i think him being overpowered is not something too strecth.

The only thing made Solomon powerful is because the blessing of the big G no? Like his Clairvoyance and Ten Rings to controls 72 Demon God.

That being said i admit that i might wank him too much because i think the big G is that much of deal. This is my first time creating a OC in here so is there any feedback aside from him being too overpowered for reference on my future Servant? And is the image work? I used Imgur and it doesnt work for me though i don't know if it works for others.

I think you need a rewrite that isn't so blatantly overpowered, from his story to his abilities. I shouldn't be wondering if Gil is weak compared to Khalid, let alone most fan sheets. Also, I would suggest asking someone more proficient in English to help you out with some proofreading/editing to improve your writing. Wank in general should be appropriate per Servant, not in excess, since that just ruins any speculation on how they might be used in a story (one of my personal criteria is seeing if the sheet is interesting enough to have them in a Fate story).

Image was working before, but not anymore (on the page here). The Twitter link also needs fixing.

[The Fair Tyrant]

I feel like reading through some other sheets on here might help give a sense of scale? Seeing how other people structure sheets and Skills and the feedback they get from others might help inform how wanked you make future sheets.

[Lambda-Nu]

Also, I just realized something; Foreigners all have mysterious deaths.

Nobody knows who killed Tupac.

Foreigner Tupac when?

[BnEl15]

Also, I just realized something; Foreigners all have mysterious deaths.

Nobody knows who killed Tupac.

Foreigner Tupac when?

Foreigner-class Tupac vs. Watcher-class cursed gun that manifests all of his suspected killers and turns its wielder into a drive-by shooter

[DelRey]

When it comes to current memes someone should get on to make Foreigner Jeffrey Epstein and Foreigner Saddam Hussein

[Bunhelier]

I feel like reading through some other sheets on here might help give a sense of scale? Seeing how other people structure sheets and Skills and the feedback they get from others might help inform how wanked you make future sheets.

Actually i did, well its not like you can compare a Musician to a Warrior, so i read through any OP and wanked Servant thats been created here, like Lucifer, Apophis or any major figure, and the feedback never mainly focused on Power Scaling.

I thought that as long as the feats and justification are enough (its not like you can make a random musician more powerful than Solomon) you can create an Overpowered Servants.

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I think you need a rewrite that isn't so blatantly overpowered, from his story to his abilities. I shouldn't be wondering if Gil is weak compared to Khalid, let alone most fan sheets. Also, I would suggest asking someone more proficient in English to help you out with some proofreading/editing to improve your writing. Wank in general should be appropriate per Servant, not in excess, since that just ruins any speculation on how they might be used in a story (one of my personal criteria is seeing if the sheet is interesting enough to have them in a Fate story).

Image was working before, but not anymore (on the page here). The Twitter link also needs fixing.

I was actually like overpowered character but i will do my best to make it somewhat not too over the top.

I'm new here so i don't know anyone here, i think i will just use this as exercise to improve my English.

Is the image work now? I decide to remove the Twitter link since the source only available on Twitter and i don't think the link would work.

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I think you might be forgetting Servants are almost always weaker than they were in life (with some exceptions for weaker or more modern ones who can be empowered conceptually). No matter how special or amazing Khalid was in life or legend what you've made is just way too much for a Servant. Heck even the Grands aren't at that level I don't think. For the feat you mentioned, Scathach killed a whole bunch of Divine Spirits and is literally immortal yet she's not nearly that strong as a Servant. Hyping this guy up based on his iconic feats is one thing, but compared to canon characters who have similar concepts he's still absurdly wanked.

Well, thats why i made him to have Special Saint graph through Independent Manifestation though, and it's not like you can compare someone who's killed random divine spirits to someone who killed chief god and wiped out entire phanteon.

Thats being said i did wank him on purpose because of his deep connection to Abrahamic God not because he is a great general or Hero (i did say the concept behind him was Undefeated NP of God no?) and as i just said before i thought that Abrahamic God was a big deal seeing that Solomon and King Hassan the major figure who's connected to him are OP Grand Servants so i thought that this God NP must be hella strong no? Well its not like you can compare Enkidu to Vasavi Shakti or Agni Gandiva to Pashupata.

[Kabalisto Koga]

When it comes to current memes someone should get on to make Foreigner Jeffrey Epstein and Foreigner Saddam Hussein

[NittyGritty]

Lancer Harvey Weinstein is in my google doc right now

[Master_Therion]

When it comes to current memes someone should get on to make Foreigner Jeffrey Epstein and Foreigner Saddam Hussein

Dear god, not Saddam Hussei. I've been flooded with so many memes about him.