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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #7341
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    Class: Archer
    True Name: Ismail Al Jazari
    Alignment: Neutral Balance
    Origin: Abbasid Mesopotamia

    Parameters

    Strength: B
    Agility: B
    Endurance: A
    Mana: A
    Luck: C
    NP: C



    Summoning Line: Hello, I am please to be at your service, Master. My name you say. Uhm you can call me Al Jazari. Okay, what are my primary duties Master.

    Lore/Background:
    Badīʿ az-Zaman Abu l-ʿIzz ibn Ismāʿīl ibn ar-Razāz al-Jazarī was a Muslim polymath: a scholar, inventor, mechanical engineer, artisan, artist and mathematician from Artuqid Dynasty of Jazira in Mesopotamia (modern day Iraq). He is best known for writing The Book of Knowledge of Ingenious Mechanical Devices , lit. 'Book in knowledge of engineering tricks') in 1206, where he described 50 mechanical devices, along with instructions on how to construct them. He is credited with the invention of the elephant clock. He has been described as the "father of robotics" and modern day engineering. But this incarnation of Al Jazari isn’t the actual person rather it’s the culmination of all of his life works into the body of a beautiful lady automata that inherited all of his skills, talents and his saint graph and possess every single piece of marvel that he ever worked on.


    Class Skills :
    Independent Action (A+ Rank): This Servant was fully sustainable automata that can operate on its own for along time and can even do self-maintenance. As she can constantly generate small drips of mana to make herself operational.

    Magic Resistance (B Rank): This Skills is encoded with in her circuits that Cancel spells with a chant below three verses. Even if targeted by greater magecraft and Greater Rituals, it is difficult for them to be affected.


    Personal Skills:
    Mana Burst {Hydro} (A Rank): This Skills allows Archer to concentrate most of her mana into her body. Infusing her circuits with Mana allows her to create more powerful water blast. This skill came form the fact most of Al Jazari Invention somehow involves hydro power.

    Programmed Incantation’s (EX Rank): A form of high-speed incantation. Archer has pre-set spells that comes with her that she can cast on command with a bit of tuning in her spirit core. Though her master can set up new spells on to her by use of a command seal. This skill is based on that Al Jazari automata has the first instances of programmable command by the used of pegs, when move produce a different rhythm.

    Artificial Crest of Time, Saea (A Rank): This artificial crest that is imbedded in archer can manipulate time. In small ways, like a small-scale precognition that can predict things about an hour ahead of time or grant her a slight boost in Agility. This skill came from Al Jazari works on many different clocks so much so that his pen is synonymous with the hour hand of a clock.


    Noble Phantasm:
    Eternal Lake of Harmony, Mardin.
    Type: Anti-Mind
    Rank: C

    Chant: Let the melodies of the lake sprang forwards. Envelop these lands with peace and harmony. This shall my magnificent performance

    This NP creates a reality marble of a calming lake with harmonious music playing around it’s design as calming aura. That resonates with the creature that are inside filling them with the happiest memories of their lives each creature in there would hear. There own preferred style of music and enjoys moments of peace. By sending them in a comatose slumber any people that enter this reality marble would falls asleep though servants can make an Endurance Check to stay awake. This NP is based on Al Jazari greatest work a automata band that sail on lake to entertain the guest there.


    Misc Lines:
    Likes: Well, I like to serve you Master as is that the duty of a maid.

    Dislike: There nothing I particularly dislike though I do get a bored from not having much orders from you, Master.

    The Holy Grail: My own wish is to support you as best as I can. So, what I would wish for is to grant your own wish ten times fold.

    Event: A festival, I hope I can contribute my share of work for the fun of everyone else.


    Bond Lines :
    Bond Line 1: Ah Master, is there anything I could do for you today.

    Bond Line 2: What a Lovely day it is Master would you like some tea. I pour you some, also sugar or no sugar.

    Bond Line 3: Welcome back, Master. Gohan wo taberu? Ofuro ni suru? Soretomo, wa. ta. shi? Why are you flustered, my master? I was told by the other servants that is how a maid must greet their master.

    Bond Line 4: Master care for a little musical recital, I am not a proper musician but at least I can play a lovely tune for you. Is there any genre of music that you preferred? I hope I can play well since it’s my creator’s finest accomplishment to create something that would produce beautiful music.

    Bond Line 5: Master I see that you been so glum lately, if I may ask what could I do to cheer you up. I should just that by your side your side. That Master is what I am planning form the moment you summon me with you I feel like I can finally lived up to the things my creator intended for me.


    Relationship:
    Musician Servants: Care to teach some basic music skills, I would live to improve to help with the master’s moods.

    Nero and Elizabeth: Ahem, if you may why don’t practice your singing over here. (Locks them in the warehouse.)

    Da Vinci: Is this procedure is going to make me a better maid. Well, if you say I have to trust in your skills and judgement as an engineer.

    Salter (Maid): As a fellow maid, may I ask you what are your tools of the trade. I would like to improve myself to becoming a better maid myself.

    Nezha: Wow, you are one marvel of engineer I wish my creator could have seen you, he would have been thrilled. So, how are you made by the way.

    Xiang Yu: I see, you more build for combat but I got to ask about the design of the centaur like body. Would it be difficult to mauver around with that type of body? But I digress these designs form the east are very interesting I must learn more.

    Mecha Liz: Say I have a question for you. Your design piques me, since out of all the heroic spirits why has your creator modelled you after Liz. I see, no particular reason except that they are big fan of hers or something.

    Edison: You wish to mass produce me; I see it can certainly help but hey what are you doing with that wrench and blow torch no stay away from me. (Nigerundayo)


    Okay, I finish this one so what do you guys think about this servant and is there anything that I could fix with this servant
    Last edited by Ismail2002; January 23rd, 2022 at 10:04 PM.

  2. #7342
    魔境の智慧 Anju Addams's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    Okay, I finish this one so what do you guys think about this servant and is there anything that I could fix with this servant
    I would suggest writing more on the Noble Phantasm as it's a bit short and doesn't really explain what it actually does outside of showing people their happiest memories at the minute. Especially since it's a Reality Marble apparently.


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  3. #7343
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    Thanks for the tip, Anju

  4. #7344
    The smell of the lukewarm ocean and the chorus of cicadas RoydGolden's Avatar
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    Ismail: We've finally got the sheet that matches your username. I guess that must mean you're really fond of this guy. Overall it's pretty well-done. The justification for a genderbend is clever and the Skills do a good job integrating "her" various works into the Servant. My main gripe is that her personality is a bit of "generic maid". I get she's not the real Ismail Al Jazari but I think you would've been better to focus on her feelings as an automaton carrying out his legacy rather than just maid stuff. (Though I'll have to admit to enjoying the third Bond Line, the scene of her reciting that with a kuudere expression while the other Servants stand to the side snickering is pretty amusing).

    Also Anti-Fortress is a weird classification for her NP. Given the effects Anti-Unit, Anti-Team or Anti-Mind would make more sense. It might be better too to specify the basis in lore for it, though I presume it was the lake s/he lived or spent the most time at working on their projects.

  5. #7345
    魔境の智慧 Anju Addams's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    Thanks for the tip, Anju
    No problem, the rewritten version with the sleep mechanic is definitely improved. Also, just realized that she's an Archer when her skill set and NP are more Caster based especially when regarding her legend.
    Is there a reason for this?


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  6. #7346
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    Well, I based of the Archers Class skill of independent Action since she is a automata that is self-functioning also Imagine her fighting style to blast Hydro Pumps form her hands.

  7. #7347
    Wyrd oft nereð unfǽgne eorl, þonne his ellen déah... Skull's Avatar
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    ^ For what it's worth, it's not unheard of in canon for Servants to have the Skills of the other Classes. Just a thought.

    "Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"

    (Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)

  8. #7348
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoydGolden View Post
    Ismail: We've finally got the sheet that matches your username. I guess that must mean you're really fond of this guy. Overall it's pretty well-done. The justification for a genderbend is clever and the Skills do a good job integrating "her" various works into the Servant. My main gripe is that her personality is a bit of "generic maid". I get she's not the real Ismail Al Jazari but I think you would've been better to focus on her feelings as an automaton carrying out his legacy rather than just maid stuff. (Though I'll have to admit to enjoying the third Bond Line, the scene of her reciting that with a kuudere expression while the other Servants stand to the side snickering is pretty amusing).

    Also Anti-Fortress is a weird classification for her NP. Given the effects Anti-Unit, Anti-Team or Anti-Mind would make more sense. It might be better too to specify the basis in lore for it, though I presume it was the lake s/he lived or spent the most time at working on their projects.
    Thanks for the tips, Your has been the most helpful and with that I added a bit more to her lines to reflect your suggestions

  9. #7349
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    rejoice, my fellowship of the sheet
    for all it is worth I updated my Extra Class Compendium and I thought I can announce the Extra Class Kings:

    GG to Royd, King of Shielders and Savers, my Foreigner Rival

    GG to BnEl15, the King of Watchers

    GG to Morg, the King of Fakers and Pretenders

    GG to Wyvern, the new King of Alter-Egos and Lovers, owner of the ephemeral Crown of MoonCancers

    and GG to ME! Bow before the King of Foreigner, Voyagers and Gatekeepers, who shares the crown of Pretenders!
    Prostrate yourself, peasants
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  10. #7350
    Wyrd oft nereð unfǽgne eorl, þonne his ellen déah... Skull's Avatar
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    Extra Classes were a mistake...
    "Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"

    (Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)

  11. #7351
    世はまさにパンテオン Comun's Avatar
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    Watcher and Avenger are cool tho.

  12. #7352
    Grand Recorder DelRey's Avatar
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    all Extra classes in my compendium are cool in their own way! Fite me!
    "Let's see the color of your coin, my friend."



    Behold my vault of Heroes.
    Where the Heavens and the Abyss breath the Music of Humanity.


    The King's duty is to provide. And provide, I shall.
    University of Formatting | Gallery of Potential | Memorandum of the Extra Class Kings

    Our Kingdom will grow. And we shall know each citizen.
    Create-a-Servant 4 soon.

  13. #7353
    後継者 Successor Bugs's Avatar
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    I like tulpa Ahab yeah.

  14. #7354
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    rejoice, my fellowship of the sheet
    for all it is worth I updated my Extra Class Compendium and I thought I can announce the Extra Class Kings:

    GG to Royd, King of Shielders and Savers, my Foreigner Rival

    GG to BnEl15, the King of Watchers

    GG to Morg, the King of Fakers and Pretenders

    GG to Wyvern, the new King of Alter-Egos and Lovers, owner of the ephemeral Crown of MoonCancers

    and GG to ME! Bow before the King of Foreigner, Voyagers and Gatekeepers, who shares the crown of Pretenders!
    Prostrate yourself, peasants
    You forgot the King of Remainer the first class and prototyp of servants, myself !!!!

    Your verified Chikara-production Studios !

    Dont ship me with anyone unless i say so !

    When you wake a Dragon in his Lair...





  15. #7355
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    The only extra class that I feel is stupid is Moon Cancer but other than that rest of them are fine and serve some kind of purpose

  16. #7356
    魔境の智慧 Anju Addams's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    The only extra class that I feel is stupid is Moon Cancer but other than that rest of them are fine and serve some kind of purpose
    I'm content to just fanon discontinuity all of them except Ruler, Saver, Beast and Avenger honestly. Not gonna bash people for doing Sheets for the others though. Just never except one from me unfortunately.


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  17. #7357
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    Matholwch: Not very familiar with this character's story, and I must say comparing the wikipedia article and the lore section you provides gets me even more confused. A summary at the first sentence would be nice. The sheet itself is fine, but I think Authority is a bad skill name, since it usually refers to Divine Authority. For the NPs, you should really clarify in the first sentence or in the NP name that the first NP is the magic cauldron. Also that second NP feels more like the High Speed Divine Words skill than an A+ ranked NP. Overall, great character, but still feel pretty rough around the edges.

    Enheduanna: Very fancy as always. Pretty good exhibition for the Divine Tree original concept. For the sheet itself, I think Notes in the Wind and World's First Song sounds somewhat redundant, maybe merging them into a single skill would be better. Really solid, keyword; trees, songs, moonlight. Keep up the great example.

    al-Jazari: Pretty fond of this one. Not much else to say that hasn't been said by Royd, but I noticed you've put Mana Burst variations in pretty much most of your sheets now. Not really a problem, but it's kinda a low-hanging fruit, so I recommend substituting it with something more intricate.

    --

    That said, any more comments on my Mehmed II?

  18. #7358
    後継者 Successor Bugs's Avatar
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    The bombard/Dardanelles gun appears in my Baron Munchausen sheet where it's been suitably exaggerated in size to nearly blot out the sun (as per the Baron's source text), so the description of Mehmed's version seems...plain? Like I'm more interested in its Anti-Rome abilities at present when I should probably be equally interested in both aspects.

    You mention it being able to shoot down Babylon's walls potentially so I'm curious about any more anecdotes like that, I guess.

    Then again he does appear in Requiem I think, are any of his abilities based on his appearance there? I wouldn't know.
    Last edited by Bugs; January 12th, 2022 at 08:31 PM.

  19. #7359
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    No If I remember it correctly, Mehmed II was in briefly seen in fate/apocrypha and in the fan made Fate/Himuko World.

  20. #7360
    هههههههههههههههههههه Kamera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bugs View Post
    The bombard/Dardanelles gun appears in my Baron Munchausen sheet where it's been suitably exaggerated in size to nearly blot out the sun (as per the Baron's source text), so the description of Mehmed's version seems...plain? Like I'm more interested in its Anti-Rome abilities at present when I should probably be equally interested in both aspects.

    You mention it being able to shoot down Babylon's walls potentially so I'm curious about any more anecdotes like that, I guess.

    Then again he does appear in Requiem I think, are any of his abilities based on his appearance there? I wouldn't know.
    The Dardanelles gun is actually a different cannon than the one that's actually used in the Siege of Constantinople (the Orban gun), this one is supposed to be significantly larger. About it being plain, fair point but honestly it's more meant for a BFG relying on sheer firepower than any fancy conceptual shenanigans, though maybe you could argue it's an Anti-Capital City weapon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ismail2002 View Post
    No If I remember it correctly, Mehmed II was in briefly seen in fate/apocrypha and in the fan made Fate/Himuko World.
    Yeah, his Apocrypha cameo in Vlad's flashback is a bit misleading though, Mehmed was only 30 years old during his Wallachian campaign, yet the anime depicts him as an old man.
    Last edited by Kamera; January 12th, 2022 at 08:50 PM.

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