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I am not entirely satisfied with Abe here, gonna have re-draft him a few more times before i remember how to write again.
But as i have said myself, he is probably the most difficult servant to get right. or to put it better, most difficult historical character to write as a servant.
Last edited by massive_jojo_reference; September 10th, 2020 at 05:03 PM.
He qualified as Berserker, so Nasu probably is on board with the ax wielding vampire slaying train for a Servant Abe Lincoln. That said, your sheet does seems a bit, uh, too patriotic I guess, kinda like just looking at him from an angle. While him being a great president and abolishing slavery is important, surely there's more interesting tidbits around the figure that makes him what he is known forthe ax for example. Like, rather than an NP that summons le liberty goddess, maybe make it a bit, uh, more subtle? For example, on top of my head, making his weapon (that is, the ax) to be something that embodies the "abolishing slavery" thing, like "chopping down" a tree of discrimination, not quite to it's root perhaps, but enough to build the foundation of a nation for the future. Overall, there's a lot more to be done to make him a much more fun character than just a president who abolished slavery.
I would probably ended up having done something similar to that had it not been for the fact that i literally didn't write anything for like, several months, my writing got stale, very stale.
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Here's another Servant I made a while back on SpaceBattles. I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope people will like it. Please let me know if you have any comments or suggestions.
Berserker of the Wild
Class: Berserker
Name: Heracles?
True Name
Appearance: A flat-chested barbarian woman clad in nothing but the fur of a monstrous lion. Much like how a classical Heracles would look if he were a she.
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Lore ~ Maybe I'm a Lion
Personality ~ A Wild Huntress
Parameters:
Strength (A)- Parameter boosted under Mad Enhancement, Monstrous Strength, and Leo.
Agility (C)
Endurance (A/E)- Parameter boosted under Mad Enhancement and Leo. Any attacks that hit Berserker's internal body without first being stopped by Nemean Lion's Hide are treated as her having E-rank Endurance.
Mana (E)
Luck (D)- Parameter boosted under Leo.
Noble Phantasm (B)
Skills
Noble Phantasms
Armaments: While she is capable of wielding weapons like clubs or swords if necessary, Berserker prefers to fight barehanded if possible, tearing foes apart with her bare hands/claws - or even biting them.
Relationships
that cybele sheet is damn nice, creative in any way possible
Cybele is one of the oldest Earth Mother Goddesses that exist, if the Fateverse accepts that its actually theorized that Cybele, an anatolian (turkish region) goddess, could predate the Catalhöyuk goddess. On that note it seems Cybele is rather young as the story begins with human weapons. But that doesnt matter, as no other goddess could fill that sheet that well, except maybe Rhea who had a similar motive with lions iirc correctly, but she is just a robot soo...
I'm happy you liked it. Once I realized that Cybele was commonly associated with lions, everything came together for me. Plus, I liked the idea of a fun twist on the usual Type Moon trope of turning nearly every notable male hero into a woman; you're initially led to think that this is basically a genderbend of Hercules and then get thrown for a loop when it's not the demigod hero at all.
Actually though, I don't think there's necessarily as much of a contradiction about her resistance to weapons as there might first appear to be. Yes, the Nemean Lion was immune to human weapons, but that's more of a reflection of her embodying untamed nature. Meaning that she could have been around for a long time before humans developed weapons, with her resistance to civilization later helping her once humans started trying to use weapons against her.
You made a good Job i must say although i would have made Cybele different but Nothing that is bad ,i would be curious what she thinks of Neferuseth and what would she think of my Tugarin or my Ada (Shamaness)
,as NEferuseth has basically unleashed the Dragonlike lood in her during her normal Version has it inhibited simiilar öike that Tugarin which does witrh his ironclad will surpress his Dragon half as he has the fear that once when his Bestial half b reaks free and wreak havoc he could harm those around him and the l ast as she were a Shamaness which spend 3/4 of her life amongst the Beasts and Spirits of her world nd in the wild ?
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I think the Nemean Lion/Cybele would be wary of Tugarin due to him being a monster hunter but also sort of respect him as someone who, like Heracles, had the sheer will to resist being dominated by the beast he slew and consumed. She'd like Ada a lot and treat her like one of her daughters. She'd also see Ada's relationship with the shaman maidens she rescued as sort of a parallel to her own relationship with her adoptive daughters. Also, I think she'd actually get along fairly well with Steller, which is pretty rare due to her distaste for men and civilization. Seeing a representative of civilized mankind taking a genuine interest in the beauty of the wild would intrigue her. In addition, I think she would pity Sedna Sirenia, maybe even offering up her skin to help Sedna in her revenge on humanity.
"We are loved by the same type of goddesses"
"Shall we compare the pressure of their love?"
Name: Endymion
Class: Berserker
Region: Greek Mythology
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
STR: B
END: A+
AGI: B
MAG: C
LCK: B
A King, a shepherd, astronomer. Among all of those one thing's certain Selene's grasp remains ever strong. Son of Calyce and Aethlius whom founded the city of Elis, possessing 'unsurpassed beauty' he seduced, tricked and charmed his way into glory obtaining a good wife whom would give him strong children. Plagued by boredom and took to wandering at night as a shepherd, carrying one sided conversations he laid his soul bare believing no one was hearing, but the Titan of the Moon Selene did and silently with time Endymion became something more than 'entertainment'
The lonely goddess disguised herself as a nymph and interacted with Endymion, different from expected he would never lay with her (Selene thinks because Endymion is kinda and the latter only felt danger in those meetings for the entire world would become still, as if a great predator prowled around). As mythology says Selene induced an eternal sleep in Endymion, in exchange his body be also eternal and so she laid with him forever
As a servant the divine mysteries of eternity are no longer sustainable and are lessened due to the Saint Graph, akin to Kumbhakarna Endymion is always on the verge of falling asleep. Overflowing with Selene's love and the blessing of a nearly immortal body there is no much need of techniques or knowledge
Skills
Noble Phantasm
Alternate Classes: Archer
True Name: Philoctetes
Alignment: True Neutral
Parameters:
STR: C
END: D
AGI: B-
MGI: D
LCK: D-
NP: B+
Personality:
As an Assassin, he has been summoned as he was just after his rescue from the isle of Lemnos and arrival at the shores of Troy. As a result, he is somewhat cagey and suspicious of others, and will seek to act independently of his Master, ambushing his foes whenever possible. Beneath his hostile exterior, however, lies a young man who wants to be celebrated and remembered for his deeds, and be considered important enough to never be left behind and betrayed again.
Likes: Heracles, praise
Dislikes: Solitude, Odysseus, being deemed useless
Talents: Archery, ending wars
Natural Enemy: Odysseus, Paris
Armament: Heracles’ bow, poisoned arrows
Catalyst: An arrow dipped in a hydra’s blood
Class Skills:
Presence Concealment: D
Hides one's presence as a Servant. Suitable for spying. A low ranking of Presence Concealment unbecoming for an Assassin to the level that a Servant can infer one's presence at once.
Personal Skills:
Independent Action: A
A skill that allows a Servant to remain materialized without a Master assuming they aren’t doing anything too draining upon their mana. At Rank A, he may remain without a Master for a week.
Assassin survived alone upon the island of Lemnos for ten years, all while suffering from a festering wound. Those sent to retrieve his bow were astonished to find him still alive, if unwell.
Weak Constitution: C
A weakness struck by the nature of frail health. Similar in nature to Innocent Monster, where the perception of the people in the future affects the existence of the Heroic Spirit.
Although Assassin’s foot was eventually healed completely, the wound has manifested once more due to his current Class container. At any point, he may suffer a rank down to both his Agility and Luck, and the chance of this happening increases greatly when in combat.
Favor of Heracles: C
The protection of the god Heracles, after he ascended to Olympus. Once during his summoning, Assassin may gain the effects of Valor and increase his Luck by one rank when both wounded and in mortal danger.
Due to Assassin lighting his pyre when none others would, Heracles descended from Olympus to give him advice upon his rescue by the Achaeans from his exile on Lemnos.
Noble Phantasm:
Tragodía tou Íroa, Four Arrows for the Son of Priam
Type: Anti-Unit
Rank: B+
A set of bow and arrows soaked in tragedy. They once brought the great Heracles both glory and pain, before passing into Assassin’s hands.
When fully unleashed, he replicates his killing of Paris, loosing four arrows which each home in on their target: The first arrow will miss, forcibly drawing the target’s attention and opening their guard. The second will strike their weapon hand and the third will hit their eyes, crippling their ability to fight back. Finally, the fourth arrow will find the target’s weak point; by default it will seek their heel, but if they have a specific one ingrained upon their legend and Assassin knows of their True Name, the arrow will target it. The first three arrows are unavoidable, and will always succeed in their task, while the fourth can only be avoided through a successful Luck check.
As an Assassin, this Noble Phantasm’s aspect as a weapon that kills heroes is further highlighted, imbuing an additional demerit to the Luck of any target that could be considered a hero.
Description:
A side character, abandoned before the story even began, dragged back into the story just because he happened to hold one of the keys to the plot’s resolution. This is who Philoctetes is.
As you may expect, this ticks him off to no end.
His story began as any hero’s does. As a youth, he put a great hero to rest, earning his great bow and cursed arrows in the process. Years later, he competed for the hand of Helen of Sparta, and was thus bound by the oath of Tyndareus, compelling him to join the Achaean army when she absconded to Troy with Paris.
On the way there, however, he suffered a poisoned wound to his foot. Whatever the reason, a goddess’ disfavour, a broken oath’s curse, or simply an accident, the wound festered and could not be properly treated, and Odysseus of Ithaca advised the Achaeans to abandon him on the island of Lemnos. Philoctetes was discarded, left to rot on the isle for ten long, lonely years.
Years later, the Achaeans would discover that one of the keys to their ultimate victory lay in the weapons of Heracles. Upon rushing back to Lemnos, however, they discovered that Philoctetes yet lived, having suffered alone all that time. Odysseus suggested taking the weapons by force, and only the intervention of Diomedes and the god Heracles himself allowed Philoctetes to live, with the sailors taking him, at last, to Troy.
At last, he was healed, and challenged Paris. The pretty prince was protected by the favor of a goddess, but in the end, it wasn’t enough to guard against poisoned arrows that had claimed many heroes before him. Philoctetes was there at the fall of Troy, and was among those who stormed its walls as the Achaeans claimed victory.
In the end, he experienced great suffering and killed a prince, before fading into obscurity. Meager accomplishments for a boy with far more promise than he showed.
Relationships:
Heracles: ...Thanks for the bow. In the end, they were the only thing that saved me from the wretched place.
...Maybe I should’ve just given them up, in the end.
Odysseus: Figures that someone like you, who tricked and lied your way to victory, would get so excessively screwed over in the end. Nothing more than you deserve, snake.
...Killing off your dog was a bit excessive, though.
Paris: I hope you understand it wasn’t anything personal, okay. I had to prove I wasn’t nobody, and you were just the easiest target.
...Why are you backing off like that?
Paris is still afraid of Philoctetes’ bow, given his...agonizing death by his arrows.
Creator's Notes:
Hello everyone! Finally finished my first sheet. He's a bit slapdash in terms of personality, and my writing is hardly special, but I think the sheet itself is decent enough to warrant posting.
Last edited by The Fair Tyrant; September 15th, 2020 at 11:25 PM. Reason: Accidental double-post. Sorry
Philoctetes: Simple, but a pretty solid sheet. His "side-character who wants to be a main-character" personality is interesting. Makes me think he'd get along well with Mandricardo... His NP is a bit hax what with being three absolutely guaranteed hits (including one that's pretty much certain to be disabling) but I guess he needs something like that given his Skillset is otherwise fairly lackluster.
To be fair on the NP, there's no "armor-piercing" effect on them and only 2 of the arrows are guaranteed to "hit"; the first intentionally misses, and the last can be avoided with enough luck. But yeah, I couldn't really think of anything for the Skills. Only the first 2 really made sense to me, with Favor of Heracles being more of a stretch. Originally, he also had a second NP that could allow him to eventually bring down far more powerful enemies that leaned more into the whole "Troy couldn't fall until Heracles' bow and arrows were there" condition from Helenus' prophecy, but I figured such a thing was a bit of a stretch for someone who is, by his own admission, kind of a footnote.
And yeah, I modeled him off Mandricardo. Can't wait till LB 5.1 drops on NA.
One version of Philo has Odysseus trying to murder him on the boat and Philo kicks everyone's ass but in the middle of the chaos he is thrown overboard
Maybe a note about Odysseus never wanting to mess with him again because of that lol
"I possess the Aegis there's no way a poisoned mongrel could ev"
"MY BLOOD HE PUNCHED OUT ALL MY BLOOD"
Because it turns out Herakles is All Might and Philo is Deku or something (Favor of Herk bullshit plz nerf says all greek heroes)
Last edited by BoktaiMoon; September 16th, 2020 at 01:51 PM.
Hey so I’m kinda new, and I wanted to get y’all’s opinions. I’m working on a Fate fan story and I wanna get my Servants in order, and I’m looking to kinda make em high concept. Like Little Prince/Voyager level. So far I have Saber King Louis XIV, Rider Yuri Gagarin, and Assassin “Plague Doctor”. I’m happy with my concepts for them so far, but I can’t quite think of an Archer, Lancer, Berserker, and especially a Caster. I’m thinking maybe Patroclus for my Lancer, but I’d love to get y’all’s input. Thanks in advance!
Grab a writer with a dark and troubled life as a Berserker, perhaps?
Kinda like Osamu Dazai, maybe? There have been a couple sheets of him you could pull from.
For a Caster I once had the idea for an "original scribe" embodying the concept of all the bards and scribes who recorded heroes' legends without ever being known in history themselves. So they'd have basically nonexistent stats but the ability to "create" new legends/NPs, and elevate normal humans to the level of Heroic Spirits. Unfortunately I never could figure out how to take that idea anywhere that wouldn't be a rehashed combo of Dumas and Andersen, but maybe you can find something interesting to do with it. Certainly sounds "high concept" enough IMO.
For other ideas I haven't seen done before how about a Lancer Nimrod where the Tower of Babel is reinterpreted as a spear (I imagine he'd have a Kamina-like personality and believe that humanity should prove its worth by overcoming all gods that stand in their path)? Just spitballing here.
Yeah originally Yuri Gagarin was a Lancer, “piercing” the sky with Vostok. I even toyed with the idea of him having Per Aspera Ad Astra as one of his NP’s, but a part of me really wants to make Patroclus work, so I moved Yuri to Rider. As for Caster, I keep running into that problem too. I have some fun ideas with Edgar Allan Poe, but I feel like my “Plague Doctor” Assassin kinda fulfills his role (Raven/crow aesthetic, miasma-like NP, etc.). Also Lancer Nimrod with Tower of Babel seems like a cool idea. I’m not as familiar with him as I am other Biblical characters, but the Internet is our friend for a reason.
Lancer Gagarin reminds me of what I used for my old Neil Armstrong sheet (kindly ignore the totally unnecessary genderbend), with the Apollo-11 being conceptualized as a "heaven-piercing" spear that embodies mankind's desire to endlessly grow and progress to the farthest horizon. Also giving some space-explorer Servant a version of Per Aspera Ad Astra as an NP is actually a really cool idea, and would be a great way of justifiably wanking a modern hero by tying them into an older one.