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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

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    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King of Braves View Post
    Daaaaaang. Not gonna lie, loving the stuff I'm reading back on that I missed!

    This whole "Faker" concept actually makes for some super creative sheets and builds! Hopefully will be able to work a few more to a presentable extent soon enough.
    Another soul drawn into Faker. The more I see people getting interested in it, the prouder I am I brought it's potential to people's minds, but it also makes me wonder why the interest wasn't there before.

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    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    Another soul drawn into Faker. The more I see people getting interested in it, the prouder I am I brought it's potential to people's minds, but it also makes me wonder why the interest wasn't there before.
    Well there needs often someone to take the first step i guess ?

    Also i have three Faker servant ideas of two will have significanse in my Story .
    Last edited by Kabalisto Koga; May 8th, 2021 at 02:20 PM.
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    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Taking a Break From China

    "Raise your flags, men! Let them know that Delahaye has arrived!"

    Source: Historical Fact?
    Class: Rider
    True Name: Delahaye
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Place of Origin: Haiti (Allegedly)

    STR: A END: A+ AGI: B
    MGI: D LCK: A++ NP: B

    Personal Information
    Height: 5'4"
    Weight: 138 lbs
    Likes: The Carribean, freedom, those willing to take up arms to be free
    Dislikes: Spain, France, England, Portugal, murderers
    Talent: Making history, even if it might not be real
    Natural Enemy: Anti-Piracy Laws
    Attribute: Man (Star)
    Traits: Female, Humanoid, Pirate, Servant, Weak to Enuma Elish
    Armaments: Cutlass, Pistol, and the Freebooter Republic
    Catalyst: Unknown


    Class Skills:

    • Independant Action (Pirate Queen) A: It is possible to act without the aid of a Master, a testament to Delahaye's desire for freedom. However, she knew she could never conquer the seas alone. Without the aid of a Master, she cannot call upon the strength of the Freebooter Republic. She can survive without a master for around a week. Even as a Rider, she retains this skill, and gains Voyage instead of Riding, bundled in her Honor of Pirates skill.

    "Master? Gah, I hate that word. No one is my master. Now, if you draw swords in the name of the Republic, then I don't mind calling you Captain. Following your orders can't be worse than dying for our beliefs, and no pirate runs from death!"

    • Magic Resist D: Haitian culture is one of mysticism, and being born or raised by it, Delahaye has minor resistance to certain magecraft. Against curses, this increases to C rank, and cursed items have no effect on her.

    "Bah, magic. Give me a gun and a ship, and I'll show you the magic of the disappearing treasure."


    Personal Skills:

    • Back From the Dead Red A+: Even in her own legend, tales of her death were greatly exaggerated. After living as a man for several years, she discarded her disguise, took the helm of a stolen ship, and sailed back to the Caribbean. This skill expands upon the benefits of Battle Continuation A+. Roughly four days after she is killed, Delahaye returns, and at full strength. The only way to keep her dead is to kill her Master first, or, the case of a Holy Grail War, claim the grail before she returns.

    "Faking my own death to make a glorious comeback against the conquering Europeans? Of course, any pirate worth their salt would do the same. Only when my last anchor is cut, and my republic falls, will my heart stop beating for freedom."

    • Honor of Pirates A: Queen of the Freebooter Republic, Delahaye was one who followed the code of pirates: take what you want and leave nothing behind. This skill combines the benefits of B rank Valor, Mental Pollution, and Voyage. She built a republic that history did not record, but those that followed her remembered her fiery hair and passion for freedom on the seas.

    "The pirates code is a simple one, but important. It's the closest thing to written laws we ever established in the Freebooter Republic. And under that one flag, we were the terror of any European sailor who crossed our waters looking for a fight. What? Of course being laden with stolen gold counts! Are you a pirate, or a talking fish who found their way aboard my ship?"

    • Voyager of the Storm A: Delahaye could sail the ships of her enemies, stolen from them during a hailstorm of bullets, and unleash cannon fire during a thunderstorm. She was a leader, a master of the waves, and the red-headed devil of the sea. At least, that's what the legends say. This skill represents leadership and has the effects of both Charisma and Tactics.

    "I sailed waters called too treacherous to cross, and my fleet followed behind. We had to protect our Republic, and as the Queen, it was my job to make sure no threat, be it sea monster or Spanish fleet, ever made it through our borders unscathed."

    • Plunder A: Delahaye was said to steal all that she could to help fund the foundation of her ideal: the Freebooter Republic. Anything Delahaye "rightfully" steals, meaning that the previous owner either surrenders it to her or she kills the owner and takes it for herself, becomes her own. It is stored within the hull of her stolen Ship of the Line, until she calls it forth again, usually drawing it from some hidden pouch within her jacket, for maximum dramatic effect. Of course, the code of the pirate is clear, nothing she plunders for herself is permanently hers. Unlike Collector, the original owner can take back the item by physically taking it back. Plunder does not disappear when she does, provided it is summoned when she is killed, either permanently or impermanently, so anyone can claim it as their prize.

    "What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine. Trust me, it's for a great cause. A country takes money, and I can sell that for quite the haul of gold. Of course, I might just keep it and use it for myself. Oh, you want it back? Then draw steel! It's always more fun to take from the defiant."

    Noble Phantasms:
    Defans Repiblik La
    Defense of the Republic
    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: A
    Range: 20~40
    Maximum Number of Targets: Frontside deployment of 2 island fortresses and 12 ships.
    Description:
    Headed by a stolen Ship of the Line, Delahaye calls upon those who flew under her flag once more, this time, to defend herself and her master. Though powerful, the Ship of the Line is just another part of this Noble Phantasm and has no special meaning to Delahaye. Delahaye herself stands in the crow's nest of the ship, twin rifles hovering beside her, as she takes aim with a mast-mounted artillery cannon. The entire fleet, along with the fortress embankments, fires at whatever army dares lay siege to the Freedom Republic. With the first shot of Delahaye's pistol, the bombardment begins. A veritable storm of shots, one that rivals the Wild Hunt, fires at their attacker. But there is a limit. Defense of the Republic is, as its name implies, defensive in nature. Delahaye cannot call upon their power if she is the one who started the battle, unless she has herself backed into a corner with nothing left to do but defend. Unlike many noble Phantasms, even the Master is given command of one of the two fortresses, and an artillery cannon of their own to fire. They can leave their post, but by pouring mana into their own fortresses' armaments, they can increase the power and duration of the Noble Phantasm proportional to their own strength. Delahaye let anyone into the Freebooter Republic, after all, and though they were free, they were expected to defend that freedom until the last.

    When not being used as a Noble Phantasm, Delahaye can call her unnamed Ship of the Line to sail with at any time. It is, in truth, the first item she ever stole after her revival, and though she has no special attachment to it, it can be called forth by its "rightful" master whenever the seas call.

    Final Tire Kout Zam
    Final Silver Shootout
    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B
    Range: 10~20
    Maximum Number of Targets: 2 Pistols, 2 Rifles, 2 Cannons, 2 Swords
    Description:
    The last stand Delahaye (the Mother) ever made was a shootout against those who would take her Republic from her. Delahaye (the Daughter) was as much of a master of guns as her mother. No matter who Delahaye is, this is the most real thing about her. By summoning double of her armaments, as well as two cannons, all but her two pistols hover around her. She has not the strength of ships, but she doesn't need it. She unloads a flurry of powder and steel against anyone around her that isn't an ally. She can focus her fire, or spread it out, and is not limited by ammunition or the need to reload. Like her other Noble Phantasm, the Master is actually included in this barrage. They themselves are given two silver pistols and instructed to fire with her, and if they do, as before, their mana adds to the Noble Phantasm, proportional to their own strength. While the gunfire rains upon her enemies, the twin cutlasses act as her shields, preventing attackers from coming too close, as if she was wielding them herself. The swords trail behind them silver light, as do all of the weapons, but the attacks shine as red as her hair. Focusing fire on a single target is often overkill, but in a battle between servants, it's often the only way this Noble Phantasm has any real threat.

    Lore
    Delahaye's stories were known far and wide, once, and were even published again in the 20th century by a Frenchman, something that Delahaye would have hated, if she actually existed. Delahaye refers to two individuals, Jacquotte Delahaye of Haiti, and her daughter, Dinnah Delahaye. Both were masters of sword and pistol, and both, according to most historians, never existed. Though the mother was said to serve with Anne God-Wants herself, there are no actual records of it. In fact, no one has found any official documents proving that either Delahaye ever existed. So, what does that mean for a servant?

    According to Delahaye, it means nothing. Her stories permeated enough so that the Heroic Summoning System ended up creating her as an error, a combination of both mother and daughter, but also neither of them. She may be a fake Servant, but that doesn't mean she feels any less real. She stands up for freedom, and finds solidarity in fellow Servants who fight for the same cause. Perhaps the Greater Grail needed a personality like Delahaye to take up her weapons once more, and, in a time of unrest, but the shining silver Pirate Queen she never actually was.

    Alternatively, Delahaye did exist, both of them, and the records beyond the stories told by pirates were simply lost. The Caribbean was a place of constant strife, so records of that era have always been spotty. Being allegedly born Haitian certainly wouldn't help the matter. But, if either mother or daughter (or both) did exist, why are they summoned as a fake Servant? Is it because, in death, their spirits clawed their way out of Davy Jones' Locker to raid the Greater Grail, or is it just that the grail doesn't recognize the individuals, but only their combined selves, and refuses to process that as a real servant?

    No one can say for sure, and Delahaye couldn't care less. It's a new world to plunder, and a new sea to unify. Let the Grail and the system deal with its own problems. Who needs a wish when you can make your own ambitions come true?


    Personality
    Delahaye is as fiery of spirit as she is of hair. As a legendary pirate, she puts the values of freedom above everything else. That said, it's just slightly above the thrill she gets from being a pirate. In her time, being a woman was considered bad luck, and her fellow pirate, Anne Bonny, even had to hide her gender. Though she sailed with Anne God-Wants, a woman who was a symbol aboard her ship, Delahaye never gave a damn about her own gender. Early on in her career, she even had to fake her death, and live as a man for several years. All so she could continue being free to do as she wished. And what she wished was to plunder until she could plunder no more, and found a "country" with the money she "earned."

    Being a founder of a republic means that, behind the cocky smile and flaming eyes, there is a great tactician. She unified dozens of ships under the Freebooter Republic, and did so without massacre. She believed, and still does, that each individual had a right to choose to live their life however they wanted, and anyone who stood in the way of that had a right to a bullet in their head. After witnessing the murder of her father, she vowed only to kill in the name of freedom, rather her own, or that of others. It was said that ships raided by the Red-Haired Devil suffered minimal casualties, and she never executed her own. It was a Republic, and they wouldn't have voted her Queen if they were going to mutiny.

    She inspires loyalty in those who have a goal, no matter how lofty, and inspires them further to attain that goal. No matter how ridiculous or impossible something may be, like forming a Republic with no set borders on the open ocean and a few islands, Delahaye demands that a dream be sought after. Otherwise, Delahaye insists, there's no way to know just how wrong you were about it being impossible in the first place.


    Relationships
    Ritsuka Fujimaru:
    "Damn, you actually summoned me. Your luck is either great, or awful. I'm Delahaye, the Red-Haired Devil. Don't expect me to call you master, and pay me a fair wage, and consider my guns at your disposal. Now, where do we keep the gold around here?"

    Edward Teach:
    "Blow me down, it's Blackbeard himself. Yeah, I always did figure you were kind of a creep. You got off murdering your own men, and while that alone makes me hate you, from one pirate to another, you're a legend and an inspiration. As long as you aren't Captain, it'll be awesome to serve on the same ship as you."

    Francis Drake:
    "You mean to tell me that Sir Francis Drake is a woman? Well, there goes that fantasy. Hey, while I've got you, can you tell me exactly how your Wild Hunt made Spain run away like the dogs they are? I need some tips for my next country, so I don't get overrun myself."

    Christopher Columbus:
    "Calipso's ass, you look as evil as all the things you did. If Captain's orders weren't to keep from fighting, I'd order our twenty paces here and now, and get revenge for every bit of native blood you spilled."

    Joan d'Arc:
    "Saint Joan! If I'd had known you were here, I would have worn nicer clothes. Sorry about the gunpowder. You are one of my idols, tearing apart the British in the name of freedom for France. I might not like your country, but you were amazing. Sorry about the whole fire thing, by the way. If it helps, I can sink a couple French ships in your name."

    Anne Bonny & Mary Read:
    "Aaaaa! Anne and Mary, under the same flag as me?! If Anne God-Wants ever shows her face, the four of us have got to get together sometime. Can't promise I'll be a good as Calico Jack, but we'll make a pirate's comeback of the century! I'll even have a custom Roger made."

    Bartholomew Roberts:
    "Captain Roberts! Huge fan. I have your Roger somewhere in my bunk. Do you think you could come and sign it? I also wanted to talk to you about loot distribution, and your entire system of codes and laws. I never got that down for my Republic before it fell. Huh? Sure, I can wear my bangs down. Is that some sort of rule, too? You'll have to tell me more about it."

    Oda Nobunaga:
    "Nice rifle array. If you ever want to fire some rounds into the side of a vessel, let me know. I've got a game I play, trying to knock the barnacles off. It's got a scoring system and everything, and you'd make a great opponent, I can feel it."

    Event:
    "Neither storm nor sea could stop me from attending one of these! I've always wanted to plund- I mean win first prize among real Servants. Do you know how boring it is, almost never being summoned? Well, not anymore! Consider the Roger raised, because this event's as good as mine!"


    Creator's Notes
    Nothing to see here. This was an experiment that changed course. As always, feedback is appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed the read.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 9th, 2021 at 02:53 PM.

  4. #3304
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Delaheya: A nice Addition to the Faker class girls ! The idea of including the Master in the Noblephantasm ,though i miss some examples of her Imperial Privilege skilset.

    I have also made a SeaRider servant and am curious how she would think of him ? Though he was more a Scholar with love for Freedom as a pirate.
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    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Thanks for pointing out I needed to put in what her Imperial Privilege actually did. It also helped me expand on the first Noble Phantasm, giving it a more unique flair, which I definitely like better.

    As for what she'd think of the scholar of the north, she probably wouldn't have any idea who he is or why he's important. She's Haitian, and never went farther north than Florida. The fact that he can summon sea cows made of cosmic nonsense would just give her a headache.

  6. #3306
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    Thanks for pointing out I needed to put in what her Imperial Privilege actually did. It also helped me expand on the first Noble Phantasm, giving it a more unique flair, which I definitely like better.

    As for what she'd think of the scholar of the north, she probably wouldn't have any idea who he is or why he's important. She's Haitian, and never went farther north than Florida. The fact that he can summon sea cows made of cosmic nonsense would just give her a headache.
    Yep now its looking now better ! I see that depending on her Master is the best tactic in a Grailwar if he stays in the Reality Marble .As for my character i meant more personality wise and if she is curious about Waters she never saw ?Also have you seen my comment about your last Lu bu profil ? And how long do you know about typemoon fateverse as you seem to know much ?

    Ps : Out of curiosity how did you find Arbre and Steller ?
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    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    I found them interesting, but I can't really critique them. I don't know enough about balance or their origins to make any suggestions.

    As far as personality-wise, he'd most likely bore her. She is not an explorer, she was a pirate and a revolutionary. She'd listen to his story (a sailor always listens to a fellow sailor's yarns), but as far as she's concerned, the waters he sailed would make a poor country.

  8. #3308
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Delahaye: Cue the sea shanties.
    Characterwise, I like her. Lorewise, I'm a fan of keeping whether she's real or fake ambiguous. As a Faker, I don't get it. As a Servant, I think she's (never used this term before) wanked beyond believability.
    That Independent Action didn't need a additive and letting it act like Independent Manifestation just makes me feel it should have been that instead, but then I would've gotten on that because she really shouldn't have a Skill like that. None of the Skill should have (Fake) even if she might not be real, and it really feels unnecessary. BFtDR shouldn't have that power or at least have the affect being more conditional, like requiring several days to take affect since she went into hiding for years. You also probably should've focused on that power there and separated the other aspects into something like Plunder, which could've been a pirate variation of Collector. I like the NPs, but why does she have or need a Reality Marble? Even if you try to justify it as being the Republic, feels like it's just operating off the Rule of Cool. Also, this stuff about her not counting in a Grail War kinda defeats the purpose of her even being summoned to begin with, considering the Grail wouldn't summon 7 Servants if it couldn't use one of them, meaning she'd be an 8th Servant which throws a whole other mess of issues into the mix.
    And back to being Faker. What qualifies her for that, exactly? She pretended to be a man for a few years, but that's barely qualification because it's not really important to her character because she proudly displayed herself as a female pirate, and Fakers' whole thing is being greatly known for being body-doubles, counterfeits, and those who are known for taking on different identities. The flaw that keeps her from being a Faker is that she was undeniably herself.
    I don't think she's necessarily a bad Servant. I think she's a very flawed Servant, and one that should've been and better qualifies as a Rider. In my opinion, needed more time in the oven.

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    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    Ey, feedback I can do something with, and really sink my teeth into.
    As previously expressed, I'm new here, so I'm not sure what the right balance of things is, ability-wise, and there is no such thing as balance in the Nasu-Verse.

    As for why she qualifies as a Faker, I think I established that decently well. Delahaye, historically, does not exist, and both the Mother and the Daughter allegedly flew under that name. Even if they did exist, their stories are largely inseparable from one another. If they didn't, unless she's an entity purely created by the Counter Force, she would never have died and gone to the Throne of Heroes, because neither of them were are real. Her most famous deed was also the thing that earned her the title, "Back From the Dead Red," which is where the whole story of the body double comes from. So, it's either Faker, or nothing, really, because I am not touching Counter Force creations.

    Aside from that, I appreciate the feedback on the power level. The intention was, because of the clause of "doesn't count because she isn't real," she doesn't actually get summoned to Holy Grail Wars. I feel I should have made that infinitely more clear. Nerfing her iconic ability is fine, I actually like her not coming back for several days. The whole sunrise thing was in reference to her stealing a ship and returning to her men at the break of day. She's got quite a lot of stories like that around her, though which ones are "real" from the age of piracy and which ones are inventions of a 20th century French author is something people can only guess at, really.

    I can separate Plunder into its own power for sure, and expand on it. The Reality Marble idea I like because, as far as history can tell, there never was a Freebooter Republic, just like there never were the Delahaye women. The whole idea of a Reality Marble being the location of the Republic is that, without her, it just doesn't exist. She's the source of it, and not just of the Republic. Her stories were a conceptualized ideal in the Golden Age of Piracy of a "country for pirates," especially after the fall of Tortuga's havenship. She was a symbol of a dream that pirates could carve out a place to belong, and not have to die without a place to call home, as most of the more famous ones did. If that isn't justification for being the source of a Reality Marble, hell, I clearly don't know what is.

    So, clarify it so that she can't be summoned during a normal Holy Grail War, nerf BFtDR, nerf Independent Action, make Plunder it's own skill and expand on it. I'm on board for all of those.

    Oh, right! Another reason she qualifies as Faker is because, in some of her tales, she either gets mixed up with, or gets the credit for, the actions of Anne God-Wants, a "real" female pirate at the time. (She was actually a privateer, and served with her husband, and there are debates about whether or not she even committed acts of privateering at all, but where's the fun in that?)

    EDIT: Updated her sheet to reflect the changes mentioned I was on board for.

    EDIT 2: Updated lore to reflect the whole "could just be an idealized version of Anne God-Wants" thing that I swore I had in there originally.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 9th, 2021 at 11:31 AM.

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    Foreigner Sheetematic Universe! DelRey's Avatar
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    Remember Chat, today is the Legendary Jack-Off. I hope both participants are ready to present the fruits of their labor.

    Instigator of the Legendary Jack-Off

    Being extra and off-canon when doing Canon Extra Classes

    Behold!
    My Stuff!
    And my
    other stuff!


  11. #3311
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    Ey, feedback I can do something with, and really sink my teeth into.
    As previously expressed, I'm new here, so I'm not sure what the right balance of things is, ability-wise, and there is no such thing as balance in the Nasu-Verse.
    You'd be surprised. A lot of a Servant's power is supposed to come from there legend and how well their known. Honstly, her Parameters are another thing that needs to be lowered. I mean, look at Francis Drake. She's powerful and definitely more well known than Delahaye, but her Parameters are a lot more along the lines you'd expect from someone like her. A little common sense and remembrance that some were more typical humans instead of dragon kings or pseudo deities can go a long way to making them more believable.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    As for why she qualifies as a Faker, I think I established that decently well. Delahaye, historically, does not exist, and both the Mother and the Daughter allegedly flew under that name. Even if they did exist, their stories are largely inseparable from one another. If they didn't, unless she's an entity purely created by the Counter Force, she would never have died and gone to the Throne of Heroes, because neither of them were are real. Her most famous deed was also the thing that earned her the title, "Back From the Dead Red," which is where the whole story of the body double comes from. So, it's either Faker, or nothing, really, because I am not touching Counter Force creations.

    Oh, right! Another reason she qualifies as Faker is because, in some of her tales, she either gets mixed up with, or gets the credit for, the actions of Anne God-Wants, a "real" female pirate at the time. (She was actually a privateer, and served with her husband, and there are debates about whether or not she even committed acts of privateering at all, but where's the fun in that?)
    Not existing is not enough justification to be a Faker, nor does it even relate to the Class. Under that logic, Kojiro qualifies for Faker, or Nursery Rhyme, or Sherlock and Moriarty. You do realize fictional characters and people who don't exist can be summoned and are treated as normal Servants, right? None of them died, yet they are placed in the Throne, so that argument is bunk.

    And being mixed up with someone else isn't justification for being Faker either. If that's the case, it's something that justifies altering the Saint Graph. Something akin to Kojiro where, since she doesn't exist, the Throne selects someone to be a vessel who fits all the requirements of 'Delahaye', with that person being Anne, or even just combine them and say all the fictional accounts were writers giving her a different name, merging them into one Servant. Any of the things I've listed, taking into account the lore, does not make a Faker, because nothing I've said is a genuine qualification, but a Rider that's more interesting than she appears on first glance. Also, you don't need to keep translating Dieu-le-Veut, which is actually closer to 'God wills it' or 'God wants it'. If directly translated, it's closer to 'God the Want', meaning 'The Want of God'. French people can correct me if I'm way off here.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTruthWhale View Post
    Aside from that, I appreciate the feedback on the power level. The intention was, because of the clause of "doesn't count because she isn't real," she doesn't actually get summoned to Holy Grail Wars. I feel I should have made that infinitely more clear. Nerfing her iconic ability is fine, I actually like her not coming back for several days. The whole sunrise thing was in reference to her stealing a ship and returning to her men at the break of day. She's got quite a lot of stories like that around her, though which ones are "real" from the age of piracy and which ones are inventions of a 20th century French author is something people can only guess at, really.

    I can separate Plunder into its own power for sure, and expand on it. The Reality Marble idea I like because, as far as history can tell, there never was a Freebooter Republic, just like there never were the Delahaye women. The whole idea of a Reality Marble being the location of the Republic is that, without her, it just doesn't exist. She's the source of it, and not just of the Republic. Her stories were a conceptualized ideal in the Golden Age of Piracy of a "country for pirates," especially after the fall of Tortuga's havenship. She was a symbol of a dream that pirates could carve out a place to belong, and not have to die without a place to call home, as most of the more famous ones did. If that isn't justification for being the source of a Reality Marble, hell, I clearly don't know what is.

    So, clarify it so that she can't be summoned during a normal Holy Grail War, nerf BFtDR , nerf Independent Action, make Plunder it's own skill and expand on it. I'm on board for all of those.
    I am with the changes you've made, as they make much more sense for someone like her (though BFtRD should probably be around A or A+), except Error in the System. If she can't be summoned in a Grail War, she doesn't need a Skill to say that. Nursery Rhyme more than likely is impossible to summon in Grail Wars by the pure fact of her nature and how she in particular was made. There is no reasonable justification for Delahaye to be unsummonable in a War other than trying to reason out her being a Faker from a perspective that was flawed from the beginning. On the Reality Marble, you are giving way too much credit to a character I'm sure most people don't even know even in pirate circles. If I thought of someone who embodied the Golden Age of Pirates, I would've chosen Long John Silver, another fictional characters who's actually had an impact on pirate culture and perception unlike Delahaye. Her having this Reality Marble, while being a good use in it being a reflection of herself as all Reality Marbles should, doesn't really have enough of a reputation behind it's Servant to justify such a powerful ability. And that's coming from someone that gave Hali one.

    I know I seem very... nitpicky? Overbearing? Whatever the case, it's because I see potential here, and seeing that kind of thing misused or wasted just lights a fire in me. When I see something that can be better or more accurate or more interesting than it is, I want to see that version, and perhaps that's an issue. It's your Servant, in the end. I'm just saying my thoughts.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Remember Chat, today is the Legendary Jack-Off. I hope both participants are ready to present the fruits of their labor.
    The day of Reckoning has arrived! Hope our judges are prepared.

  12. #3312
    ジャック・狂信者 Anju Addams's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Remember Chat, today is the Legendary Jack-Off. I hope both participants are ready to present the fruits of their labor.
    Almost finished, I'll be posting it in a few hours or so. Just needs the last few paragraphs on lore and dialogue, then done.
    Winner of the Legendary Jack-Off

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  13. #3313
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anju Addams View Post
    Almost finished, I'll be posting it in a few hours or so. Just needs the last few paragraphs on lore and dialogue, then done.
    i am already curious Anju .

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post

    - - - Updated - - -



    The day of Reckoning has arrived! Hope our judges are prepared.
    Have acttually all three now said they participate Morg ?

    Also i am curious if that open the path for more mini contests as i had a idea for one ?
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  14. #3314
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga View Post
    Have acttually all three now said they participate Morg ?

    Also i am curious if that open the path for more mini contests as i had a idea for one ?
    The Judges have answered their summons.

    Let's see how this one goes before anything else. Besides, it's up to you and another person to start it. I'm basically just the organizer.

  15. #3315
    Maker of Poor Decisions and Massive Sheets TheTruthWhale's Avatar
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    @Morg:

    Don't worry, I get the critique is coming from somewhere meaningful, especially as a writer.

    I'll take the feedback that she should be a Rider, and change her to it, and remove Error in the System. I can also reduce the ranking to A+ for her signature ability.

    I just use Anne God-Wants because I don't like randomly switching languages, but from what I've read/heard, that's the most accurate translation of the time she was given the name.

    Removing her Reality Marble is, ultimately, fine. I just feel like it removes a core aspect of the character. Sure, Long John Silver warped modern perceptions of piracy, but back when she was actually around, she was an impactful story shared enough that a French writer picked her up over a century after the Golden Age of Piracy.

    I also completely forgot about Nursery Rhyme, tbh. So yeah, switching her to Rider, and removing the minor Reality Marble. I'll also edit it so that the "Plunder" goes into the hull of the intentionally-unnamed Ship of the Line.

    I genuinely do appreciate the feedback, I was just under a misconception of what Faker embodies.

    EDIT: Alright, sheet has been updated to reflect the change to Rider without a marble, as well as remove certain elements of being a Faker in the Lore and quotes. I do eventually want to make Anne, because I feel she was left out by FGO in favor of Calico Jack's crew.
    Last edited by TheTruthWhale; May 9th, 2021 at 02:55 PM.

  16. #3316
    吸血鬼 Vampire NittyGritty's Avatar
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    before the jacks roll in, have an armed conflict boy in preparation for the coming battle

    ----

    The Conqueror’s Quiver has been hung
    And the Lamb has opened the second seal
    The World has been made ready
    For the Being of Red
    The Robber King who stole Peace
    Until the Lamb quenches the flames




    “I might be more contemporary than what you were expecting, but I assure you I am the very model of a modern major general.”



    Saber of the Second Seal


    Class: Saber
    Other Classes: Rider
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Origin: Christian Myth


    Height: 180 cm (5'10)
    Weight: 93 kg (205 lbs)


    Natural Enemy: Charlemagne
    Attribute: Earth
    Trait: Servant, Human, Harbinger
    Armament: Sword, Troops


    Parameters


    STR: D


    END: C


    AGI: C


    MANA: D


    LUCK: B


    NP: B


    Class Skills

    Riding (C): Well it's not so much that I'm a good driver. I'm just really good at mobilising the troops.


    Magical Resistance (D): A good commander prepares for anything. The maguses have fractured and chosen sides.

    I don't care for their unsavoury methods, but I won't hesitate to pit those nerds against each other.



    Bond 1
    The Being of Red, fated to appear when the Lamb of God opens the second seal. The World has been made ready, the public armed. Now all that's needed is a little push to put the grand sacrifice in motion.

    The identity of this person has been the topic of debate for centuries.



    Bond 2

    Source: The New Testament
    Region: The World? United States of America
    Gender: Male
    Likes: Steak, Cold Beer
    Dislikes: Peace Talks
    Catalyst: The sword from a Roman general, circa 170 AD.
    Aliases: Commodus, "Rome", Commander-in-Chief

    Enjoys cheap cigars and chewing tobacco.



    Bond 3
    Some say Saber has already come and gone. Figures in history have been identified as potential candidates for the red entity. Some propose he is Commodus, who jointly ruled the Roman Empire until his father died. Holding the reins of an Empire on his own, he began cultivating a cult of personality and performing as a gladiator while delegating the ruling of his empire to chamberlains and becoming much more dictatorial. The Golden Age ended with him and his death ignited nearly a century of civil conflict, leading to the collapse of the Roman Empire.



    Bond 4
    Charisma of the Warmonger (B): The Charisma of a political figure who ignites the desire for war within the masses. In addition to commanding troops in a battlefield, Saber can warp the truth and alter information to suit his purposes. This is the skill set of one who feeds off of the fervor generated by propaganda. In battles this skill gets ranked down as his orders mostly consist of “Attack!”.

    Listen, we know “they” are bad people. But sometimes you need to...embellish a few of the facts to get the support of the public.


    Machiavellianism (A): A personality trait that approaches a self-curse, it is the uncontrollable desire to pursue one's selfish goals through manipulation. Morality is effectively thrown out the window producing the inability to understand other perspectives outside of one’s own (a similar effect to Madness Enhancement). One can more readily obtain the means to reach one's goals through others, provided their machinations are not found out. Persuasion that approaches magecraft becomes possible.

    They say success isn’t about what you know, it’s about who you know. I would say it’s more about who you dupe.



    Cult of Personality (B): The status of one who has achieved an idol status in the eyes of many. This differs from Charisma because that skill denotes one's ability to command an army. This skill identifies one as being “deity-like” not through divine or magical means but through sheer mass appeal. At this rank, followers are so willing to die for their idol that their obsession itself counts as a protective spell; all followers within the vicinity must be dispatched by enemies before they may lay a finger on Saber.

    What can I say? The people love me!



    Bond 5

    Exsuperatorius (False)
    ~Commodus (Revivisco Format)~



    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: C
    Range: 0-50
    Max. Targets: 300


    One of the many titles held by the Roman Emperor Commodus. Translated it means “the supreme”. Such was Commodus’ ego that one of his titles constitutes a Noble Phantasm, embodying the Emperor’s vanity and blood thirsty disposition.

    This Noble Phantasm manifests as a discoloured left eye and signifies Saber’s status as a leader who desires conflict, yet will rarely actually put himself in harm's way. Passively it acts as a fascination object, people who converse with Saber will find themselves more susceptible to being manipulated unless they have sufficient magical protections or high Luck. Its effect can oftentimes a nuisance since it can’t be turned off and sometimes it is more advantageous to not have people fixated on you, hence Saber’s eyepatch. This only constitutes a reduced form of the Noble Phantasm. Upon a True Name release the fascination effect will become much more potent and cover a larger area, blood-red mist spewing forth from Saber’s eye and influencing all who breathe it in. Saber’s voice resonates on this blood mist and those infected will hear his orders as if he were yelling in their face.

    Interesting to note is that this is not the true Noble Phantasm, only a forgery given to Saber due to mistaken identity. The True Format is a much more devastating weapon.




    Sword of Others Spilt Blood
    ~Sanguineous~



    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B+
    Range: 0-25
    Max. Targets: ???



    A Noble Phantasm that manifests as a ceremonial sword, worn on the hip. The sword itself is rarely drawn since this kind of sword would usually only be worn by military commanders when in full parade dress. In other words it is the armament for those who order others to commit violence on their behalf. This qualifies Saber for the Saber-class, but not for the obvious reasons.

    The sword is a construct made of cursed blood and can take on many different formats. Spears, shields and even firearms (a personal favourite of Saber’s). This Noble Phantasm grants Saber great flexibility on the battlefield as he can readily adapt to any situation presented. The addition of more blood temporarily increases the sword’s volume and can be redistributed to troops as armaments. It is a “sword” in the sense that it is the manifestation of the bloodshed Saber’s warmongering caused. Those who fought for him acted as a cutting edge and sliced through the bodies of humanity, leaving a bleeding scar within the Human Order that will never heal. Wounds inflicted lower opponents’ maximum health limit, similar to Gáe Buidhe, and limiting health regeneration abilities.

    There is a massive drawback; use of the sword spends its store of cursed blood. Replenishment will require the very hilt to be plunged into an enemy as the killing blow, a rare occurrence due to its reduced potency and Saber’s tendencies.



    Bond 6
    Saber’s True Identity is War, the Red Horseman. He is a figure prophesied to appear before the End of Days by John of Patmos, as written in the Book of Revelation. According to prophecy he is to arrive when the Lamb breaks the second seal, the world having been made ready by Conquest, so he may take peace from the World.

    Although not the person envisioned by John of Patmos, he is the person closest to. A general that lived towards the End of the World, he is the one that most embodies the Apocalyptic Archetype of the Red Horseman. In life he was a US Army general who pursued a career in politics when the fallout of Conquest’s actions manifested. Campaigning on a platform of safety and order he was adored by the American public, some even saw him as a Messianic figure. However, behind closed-doors he did not care for such things like justice and peace. He only desired for blood shed in his name. Most of his military career was actually embellished through clever propaganda. His ranks were acquired through unscrupulous means and he only ever saw active duty once, where he was quickly removed from the front after convincingly faking an injury. His lack of martial prowess will become readily apparent when he is forced to fight someone alone. His lack of combat expertise aside, the Book of Revelation only requires the red being to “take peace” and be “given a sword”. His horse was the red tide he rode around the World. His election to office constituted being given a “sword” and his constant warmongering and systematic dismantling of democratic systems allowed him to perpetuate global conflict well after his mortal death.



    Bond 7
    Saber can be likened to a volcano. Dormant and stoic until hot fire bubbles to surface in a fiery rage. He rarely emotes outside of a constant stern frown. Saber speaks in a loud, commanding voice that, even without magical coercion, will compel people to listen to him and hang on his every word. In spite of his grim outlook, he can be incredibly charming and sociable, and is an expert orator. He is an expert in etiquette and a gracious host.


    His “military expert” facade will occasionally slip as he’ll sometimes mess up his military rhetoric or conduct, saluting with the wrong hand being a semi-common occurrence. In the presence of actually competent commanders he can easily become flustered and embarrassed. Do not let his momentary foolishness catch you off guard. What he lacks in military strategy he more than makes up for in political finesse. Even after suffering embarrassment he will not only recover but he will turn people against those who caused him embarrassment.



    Bond 8
    (upon Summoning)
    “Greetings Master. I am Servant Saber, the embodiment of War. May I inspect the troops?”


    (offering tea)
    “Tea?”


    (to Iskandar)
    “You were quite the tactician, weren’t you? Oh, uh, so am I.”


    (to Shakespeare)
    “I love Henry V, specifically the St. Crispin’s Day Speech. I quote it all the time. However, my favourite play is Richard III.”


    (to Napoleon)
    “Never let your ambitions get the best of you. A blazing inferno will quickly eat up all its fuel. A slow, controlled burn will rage forever.”


    (to Altera the Hun)
    “No such things as a Bad Civilization. There are those that keep fighting and those that have lost.”


    (to Valkyries)
    “How many of my men have you taken to your Great Hall? For some reason, I doubt I have a seat at the table.”


    (to Jason)
    “Now this guy gets it!”


    (to Conquest)
    “Odd beings, you and I. Separated by decades, and yet as close as twin siblings. I never met you in life but I feel a closeness to you much more intimate than anything I’ve ever felt. I feel like I should thank you for paving the way to my ascension. But part of me wishes you hadn't made it so easy.”



    Bond 9


    The Cost
    Craft Essence



    “People are ignorant about the cost of war.”


    “Some say it’s the lives lost for those that go.”


    “Others say it’s the heartbreak felt by those that stay.”


    “The capitalists say it’s the gold paid.”


    “The communists say it's the strain on the workers.”


    “The industrialists say it’s a price worth paying for progress.”


    “The environmentalists say the price isn’t worth it in the long run.”


    “All are wrong. The true price is the weight of a man’s soul.”


    “His peace of mind, his moral convictions, his innocence...”


    “Most hesitate when paying the price.”


    “I never hesitated.”



    Author Notes

    You can't let every single sin end with tears
    Wear them proudly on your sleeve along with your fears
    It's like you're waiting for someone to draw near
    In a maze of emotion
    There comes a day where you find a way to escape
    A blank page, now I'm writing out my own fate
    I've grown tired of running away from a thing called reality
    Last edited by NittyGritty; May 9th, 2021 at 02:48 PM.

  17. #3317
    Arthurian Sheetamatic Universe! Morg van Destro's Avatar
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    War: Bradley, get off that high horse. (Hehe)
    You even added the eye. If you can say anything, there's a dedication there. You planning on doing the other Riders and rounding it out? Caster Famine and Assassin or Ruler Death? Might even be able to use Koko for Famine
    Last edited by Morg van Destro; May 9th, 2021 at 03:06 PM.

  18. #3318
    吸血鬼 Vampire NittyGritty's Avatar
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    wait and see~

  19. #3319
    Darkness there, and nothing more Lambda-Nu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DelRey View Post
    Remember Chat, today is the Legendary Jack-Off. I hope both participants are ready to present the fruits of their labor.
    I may have to forfeit. I’m sorry. I tried. I truly, honestly tried to come up with something but between work and finals, I just can’t figure out the Skills!
    Last edited by Lambda-Nu; May 9th, 2021 at 03:48 PM.
    Loser of the Legendary Jack-Off


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  20. #3320
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors Kabalisto Koga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morg van Destro View Post
    The Judges have answered their summons.

    Let's see how this one goes before anything else. Besides, it's up to you and another person to start it. I'm basically just the organizer.
    Well it was more to inspire a certain type of servants then a true contest , but i wait how this contest will went the road .
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