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Thread: Create-A-Servant 3

  1. #9281
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors
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    Source: Pixiv ID 979850

    Class: Archer
    Other Classes: N/A
    True Name: Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Place of Origin: America (20th Century)

    Parameters:

    STR: D
    END: C
    AGI: D
    MGI: B
    LCK: C
    NP: B

    Height: 181cm
    Weight: 130lbs
    Likes: Jazz, glamour
    Dislikes: The end of the Jazz Age
    Talent: Writing, bringing the Jazz Age
    Natural Enemy: William Shakespeare, Hans Christian Anderson
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Male, Weak to Enuma Elish, Humanoid
    Armament: A simple bow
    Catalyst: A manuscript of one of his books

    Class Skills:

    Independent Action C: He is capable of remaining in the world for one day without a master. He always forged his own path as a writer, and thus gains this rank.

    Magic Resistance E: In life, he never encountered any form of magic, and as such he gains a bare minimum rank only by his class.

    Personal Skills:

    The Jazz Age A+: To many people, he was the Jazz age, and his writing's popularity paralelled the rise and fall of it. This manifests into a constant aura surrounding him of slight drunkenness and jazz music. In addition, if he is severely injured without being destroyed during the grail war, once, he will completely revitalize himself after 10 hours.

    Fleeting Scenes B: The sublimation of his style of writing, utilizing fleeting scenes to more easily capture characters without focusing on drawn-out ones. This allows him to be more easily able to capture other "fleeting scenes", being able to manifest orbs that will show in his mind's eye if an important "fleeting scene" happens there.

    As Though They'd Stepped Out Of The Sun C: A quote said about him and his wife Zelda when they arrived at New York. This manifests as a pair of effects. Firstly, he has a slight passive charm aura, causing people who meet him to think him intriguing. In addition, he gains a slight ability to control fire, though not very much of it.

    Noble Phantasm(s):

    Jazz Age Extravagance
    Glitter, Shine, Then Sink

    Type: Anti-Unit
    Rank: B
    Range: 100 meters
    Max Targets: 1 target

    In his books, Fitzgerald often focused on people who had wealth and influence, then squandered it and rapidly fell. This has been sublimated into a Noble Phantasm, when activated, which takes the form of a glittering golden arrow. Whomever it hits rapidly gains wealth and power, as they have been overcharged into greatness and wealth. However, this lasts for only hours, and soon they quickly start breaking, everything they have being lost.

    Lore: F. Scott Fitzgerald was an American author known for his novels on the decadance of the jazz age. He had a close friendship with many other artists, painters, and assorted figures, and was a rival to Hemingway. His most famous novel is The Great Gatsby, which at the time of its being written didn't do very well, but now has become extremely popular.

    Personality: Cheerful and friendly. He adores having a lot of wealth and indulging in whatever intriguing things catch his eye, but is willing to not if his Master can't afford it. He loves meeting other artists and writers, especially ones from the Lost Generation. He has no wish for the grail, as he has made peace with his life, so if he attains it, he would probably just use it to show off.

    Relationships:

    Gilgamesh: "Ooh! Those look so shiny! May I touch them?"

    Shakespeare: "Mr. Shakespeare. I love your writing! Although, you seem a bit more... evil then I was expecting."

    Anderson: "Ooh, Anderson! How are you? Here, this is a new manuscript of mine, what do you think?"

    Dantes: "Wait... how are you so rich? Oh... anyway, would you like to see my latest story?"

    Siegfried: "Oh, that sounds awful. I bet you wish to have that treasure unbonded to you, right?"

  2. #9282
    祖 Ancestor
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    Geez. I guess everybody is busy this summer. Explains why there’s like 1 servant sheet a day now.

  3. #9283
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Vance's Avatar
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    I made a sheet for the bi monthly revision thread but I'm not posting it here until the contest ends.

  4. #9284
    Wyrd oft nereğ unfǽgne eorl, şonne his ellen déah... Skull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Geez. I guess everybody is busy this summer. Explains why there’s like 1 servant sheet a day now.
    At the very least, it makes it easier to follow. I hate having to find where the last sheet I read was because the page count jumps like 5+ pages in a day or two that I was away.
    "Here's a bangin lil' tune about takin' on The Man!"

    (Check out my Super Special Awesome Servant Compendium here)

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    祖 Ancestor
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    Seriously. Where the fuck is everybody. Also, what the fuck is with all these visitors.

  6. #9286
    I can't believe it's not Rider! DesReploid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Seriously. Where the fuck is everybody. Also, what the fuck is with all these visitors.
    The German secret service has taken me into custody due to various questionable internet searches regarding World War 1 and 2 era weapons and military tactics. Send help.
    《 ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ 》

    My Servant Compendium

    《 ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ ★ ~~ 》

  7. #9287
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle TQG Imaginatorious's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Seriously. Where the fuck is everybody. Also, what the fuck is with all these visitors.
    What you mean where are we? Do you not look at the location under our profile? It literally says I'm in a forest of signs in Canada. Arent't you at Why are you asking? yourself?

  8. #9288
    Ever-present Feeling reikon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arrowofsky View Post
    Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashina_Jiesheshuai

    Class: Assassin
    Other Classes: Rider, Archer
    True Name: Ashina Jiesheshuai
    Alignment: Lawful, Evil
    Place of Origin: Central Asia-China

    Parameters and Characteristics
    STR: C
    END: B+
    AGI: B
    MGI: E
    LCK: C
    NP: C to B

    Height: 170 cm
    Weight: 60 kg
    Gender: Male
    Likes: Riding, conversation, team work
    Dislikes: being ignored
    Talent: Riding, archery, commanding, persuasion
    Natural Enemy: Emperor Taizong
    Armament: Bow, quiver, two short swords, leather armor or long cloak
    Catalyst: bow remnant under 5 meter depth of soil near to Wei River, Shaanxi


    Skills

    Class Skills:

    Independent Action (Rank C+): Independent Action is the ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master; the ability that allows for action even in the absence of the Master.

    Personal Skills:

    Charisma (Rank B): Charisma is a composite Skill consisting of a person's charm as well as the natural talent to command or unify an army or country. Increases the ability of allies during group battles. Rather than relying on presence concealment and other hideous ways of many assassins(except in his Noble Phantasm "Assassination to Our Death") Jiesheshuai directly confronts his enemies and what he lacks as in assassin way, he makes up with posture, words, persuasion and courage.

    Cavalry Archer (Rank C): The Turkic tribes of the past are renowned with their ability to shooting arrows extremely accurately and rapidly while riding horses, a.k.a. Parthian shot.

    Theft of Ride (Rank C): Jieshehuai can use other servants horses or ride belongings almost as if he is their actual owner. Of course, rather than a magical trick, he either forcefully obtains them or convinces their master to dismount before.

    Noble Phantasm 1
    "With all these powers and status, who are you serving?"
    Conspiration
    Rank C - Anti-Unit
    Range - Whereever there is a servant

    Through his 9 years service of commanding armies against nomadic tribes of Central Asia for Tang Dynasty, he had seen lives flourishing and perishing, ascending and descending, shining like a northern star or being corrupted like a spoiled mushroom leftover. There are times even the hardest metal bends, there are golds even to purchase something unthinkable to attain, and there are words and ways to disrupt people's seemingly indestructible loyalty. He knows what to say who, when, how and where, and in no-time one's meek servant might be found to openly attack him/her with Jiesheshuai's assistance.
    This is a telepathic way of communication with other servants, in analogy of the intricate ways of information flow in palace for conspiration. The target servant's master will not be aware of it directly. Requires very low amount of mana and can be done multiple times to anyone. However, it only (has a chance to) work against a servant with "Independent Action" skill.

    Noble Phantasm 2

    "We eat, drink, enjoy, toil, lived this life together, now it is the time, we kill TOGETHER!"
    Assasination to Our Deaths
    Level 1
    Rank C - Anti-Army
    Range - What meets the eye's of Jiesheshuai

    Jiesheshuai is not a delinquent, he has his principles, status, dignity and of course, comrades. After the last word of the incantation, "TOGETHER" , the weather around becomes stormy, with occassional thunders and incessant rain, 20 comrades of him appears from the Palace Raid event. Each of them equally as capable as Jiesheshuai, and their unison boosts their endurance stat to level B++. Additionally, all of them including Jiesheshuai wear a long cloak which makes it impossible for enemies to distinguish him from his comrades.
    This Noble Phantasm will require more mana to sustain, and still it will have a time-limit. The death of Jiesheshuai completely destroys his other comrades as well, and the last thing to remove it is, its ascension to Level 2.


    "Looks like we are not accustomed to walk on our bare feet, HORSES!"
    Assasination to Our Deaths
    Level 2
    Rank B - Anti-Army
    Range - What meets the eye's of Jiesheshuai

    Each alive comrade of Jiesheshuai and he as well immediately mount an unarmored horse. No stat is boosted but practically their agility and endurance increases. They can perform hit-and-run and Parthian shot tactics fully, the number of arrows is limitless as long as sufficient amount of mana is supplied by Jiesheshuai through his master or other ways.
    When this stage is reached, the time-limit of this noble phantasm further reduces, and with still increasing mana consumption with horses and arrows. Literally, it is a last-ditch effort but using it on the verge of defeat or death will only accelerate them. If Jiesheshuai and comrades managed to obtain Holy Grail while this Noble Phantasm is active, they may survive. In all other cases, all of them including the servant will die.

    Background


    Historical Background:

    Ashina Jiesheshuai ( b: ? – d. 19 May 639) was a member of the Ashina clan of the Eastern Turkic Khaganate and general (Zhonglangjiang) of the Tang dynasty.
    He was one of Shibi Khan's sons and the younger brother of Ashina Shibobi (Chinese: 阿史那什钵苾), who was a vassal khagan of the Tang dynasty and used the title of Tölis Khan. Tang China defeated the Eastern Turkic khaganate, which became a vassal of Tang China in 630. During this period, some Turkic nobles were members of the Chinese army. Ashina Jiesheshuai was among these nobles. By summer 639, as Ashina Jiesheshuai had not been favored by Emperor Taizong (because he had falsely accused his brother Ashina Shibobi of treason, which Emperor Taizong found despicable), he formed a conspiracy with Ashina Shibobi's son Ashina Hexiangu (Chinese: 阿史那賀暹鶻) to assassinate Emperor Taizong at his summer palace, Jiucheng Palace (九成宮, in modern Linyou County, Shaanxi). They had planned to wait for Li Zhi, the Prince of Jin, to depart from the palace in the morning and use that opportunity to attack the palace. On the day they planned, May 19, Li Zhi did not leave the palace due to a storm. Ashina Jiesheshuai attacked the palace anyway, engaging the palace guards, but the guards were supported by troops who came outside. Ashina Jiesheshuai and his comrades stole some 20 horses from the stable. They fled to the north, but were caught by pursuers near the Wei River and killed. Ashina Hexiangu was exiled to Lingbiao.
    Story


    ...steppes...a breeze blew through but not strong enough to disrupt the serenity...then some vibration on the soil...thousands of horses were galloping on the horizon with a huge dust behind...suddenly he felt near to them...nearer...nearer...and now one of the horseman was him. A teenager he was, but capable of riding horses that much. Arrows flying, swords clashing, blood spilling, people passing away...it felt as a trivial, common thing to Jiesheshuai, except that his father, Shibi, died at that raid and life started to be quite different...that time an arrow was about to hit his nose and he suddenly woke up in sweats.

    This was the only remnant of Jiesheshuai's childhood. He does not want to remember those years anymore, and not forced to see this dream almost every night. Losing his father that time, he started to distance himself from everyone as things kept going on very smoothly, like nothing happened, even to his brother. Kinship, friendship faded gradually. The days started to pass by herding animals, hunting, training Parthian shot and with some survival necessities. He was growing, becoming stronger and firmer, maybe more dependable, but something was lacking, some subtle thing...

    One eventual thing is that there was a growing interaction with Chinese, they looked weak and strong, oscillating between them. But they have a solid foundation of culture and every other thing, and a massive population. Once he daydreamed like having an army of 8 million Chinese warriors and conquering all the known world. Of course, there won't be anything like that. Still, China attracted him. He started to communicate with people who both know Chinese language and his Turkic language at that time and started to learn to speak in Chinese as well. Two language, two people, it occured to him that there are far more things to see and care in this world than only herding animals and killing people.

    The fate created the opportunity. Emperor Taizong of China at that time was merciful and cosmopolitan, with sympathy against nomadic ways and culture, and of course utilizing these as much as he can so that his influence grows over Central Asia as well. Year 630 A.D. was the demolition of Jiesheshuai's khaganate, and his transfer to Tand Dynasty. With his calm and trustworthy manner, exceptional war talent and ability to see through people, as he was watching them afar for years, it did not take long to appoint him as military commander. Under this title, what was being done is continuously scheming and warring to push the boundaries to north and fight the nomadic people there. And he started to be center of attention, a thing that he never knew in Khaganate years and quite enjoyed here. Two years later, his brother Shibobi died on the way to Chinese capital, he did not do anything particular about this. But this was kept in mind of others...

    Things were different here, unlike nomadic people, Chinese spoke much more and used much more words, sentences and meanings. At first, he found this ridiculous and meaningless. Later he started to be overwhelmed by their interaction speed volume of information exchanged in a given time. But finally, he started to become like them. He kept thinking, solving the mysteries, intricacies of the power dynamics in both his milieu and in palace. He slowly started to use these dynamics on his advantage, to make himself more influential. The people who he could not startle with his archery skill, got drawn to him by the knowledge they would like to know about their adversaries. Sometimes, Jiesheshuai also be amazed by some properties of other people, and he established his connection with them as well. As it was like a star collection, they started to do things all together. They would practice riding, archery, Parthian shot and even oratorship together, and they grew familiar with themselves, always trying to improve both themselves and each other. But Jiesheshuai found this insecure, getting more familiar might look a stranger cute and well but in the eyes of palace, the rivers would flow anti-gravitationally. So he started to put random people in his collective activities as well, in total he was always with more than 100 people whatever activity of merit he does. He realized that there were Chineses taking Parthian shot even better than him, and also some other were slightly better than him in the other ways. He left the pleasures of the life aside completely and started to train alone sometimes to surpass everyone. Yet this was no joke, being the best was not that easy anymore. Fortunately he still got the attention he seeks from the people so he did not need to feel bad about his distance to his ideal, or hold grudges against the people who is more talented.

    This kind of connections did not actually make him more sociable or less alone, yet he filled a certain gap in his heart. He started to feel the warmth of comradeship. He was a realist, that with certain push everyone may change their attitudes 180 degree, so he never expected an unbreakable friendship or invincible loyalties.

    And the calendar showed 639 A.D. At a palace ceremony, Emperor Taizong favored this people and that, but overlooked him completely. This, was speculated later as done due to Jiesheshuai blamed his late brother for treason. But at that instant, he barely kept his cool while his mind was entirely shaken. A few days passed and he found no way of return, he kept seeing the dream he was always seeing, with additional scenes of insolence from weak Chinese emperors, ministers and stuff. There is a visible interest loss on his trainings and activities as well. Without further ado, he found that with the people who he can still influence, he would take that Taizong hostage and put another person in his place so that the history will completely be overwritten in favor of him, among many other benefits on his side.

    He knew that the longer you plan a rebellion, the less chance it will have for success. The quickest he can have as assitants in this undertaking seemed to be 40 people. Sometimes openly, sometimes with innuendos, he sway these people to his side. He planned to ambush palace Emperor Taizong resided after a prince, Li Zhi left it with his army. Days passed and still he did not left. And when they had a date for his depart, they put everything on that day and made preparations. Poor thing that there was not any farmer or knowledgable person among them on weathers, that day was messed with a storm, inceassant rain and hence prolonged stay of prince. Jiesheshuai still wanted to attack the palace as according to him was too late to change the plan. 20 of people found this extremely unpleasant and fled in many directions (whom the Chinese authority later would found and exile many of them, if not all), but giving chase to them was not an option for them. The remaining people take a look at themselves and found that none of them actually knows each other, another fluke of fate maybe, but they did not bother to delve it anyway.

    They attacked the palace. Started to bring down guards one by one with arrows, swords, lances and the like. They could not pierce through as there was an army against, even though they held out much longer than expected. Some enter the stable and brought 20 bare horses, with that they fled to the north without thinking much of what will happen later. They kept dropping the numbers of followers but to no avail. There was the Wei River and constant rain, as if to bury them alive. But that did not happen, they valiantly fight to the point that no one knew which one was Jiesheshuai, but there are times numbers matter, and that was not an exception. A hopeless rebellion of Jiesheshuai and his comrades was torn to the pieces at that place.



    Relationships
    Relationships:
    Emperor Tang Taizong: "You, who find my manners despicable, those "manners" carried this empire through the vast steppes"
    Ashina Shibobi: "I did not accuse you of treason "falsely", anyway whatever.
    Qin Shi Huang: "I would rather like to compete and surpass you instead of my disgusting contemporaries"
    Li Guang (a.k.a. flying general): "People here, still keep losing their way"
    Bumin Khagan: "If you guys were not be too obsessed by some afraid archnemesis, we would farm the Sichuan and fish in Yangtze peacefully with our tribes."
    Attila: "I heard that he was also a renegade for a few years in a distant step, then his uncle pull him and later he became a ruler of a very strong empire, while my uncle was going back and forth with indecisive Shibobi and his already strong emire crumbled, what would I do other than what I did?"

    I was just listening to a song about him and stumbled on this... [Yaşru - Son gece (Chieh Shi Shuai)] I'm pretty late but good job.

  9. #9289
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Hi-no-Kagutsuchi: Overall, nicely done. Really like the over all idea that this comes from.


    Han Hui-Sun: Ah, here she is! Honestly, I think you did a really good job with her, since there seems not to be a huge amount to work on. The relationships are particularly fun to read through, as they match perfectly with the given personality.


    Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald: And a two for one(kinda). This one is a really interesting go at the man. The archer classing heavily bucks the usual author/caster connection, and the way you conceptualized his stories to suit it works quite well. Wonder how he'd react to the Gatsby that Vididii di a few pages back.

    Quote Originally Posted by NINE-lives View Post
    Seriously. Where the fuck is everybody. Also, what the fuck is with all these visitors.
    Neck deep in a few different ancient Chinese works of fiction and Philosophy, Warhammer 40k lore, and Xianxia/Wuxia for the next sheet. Also, yard work.

  10. #9290
    Your average angst/edge supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Language, Nine. There's still this persistent forum bug on my end that prevents me from editing my unpublished blogs (where I work on my WIPs). A shame, since my latest project is already like 80% done.

    Also, games and other rl stuff.

  11. #9291
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legendary Hero of the Chain View Post


    Han Hui-Sun: Ah, here she is! Honestly, I think you did a really good job with her, since there seems not to be a huge amount to work on. The relationships are particularly fun to read through, as they match perfectly with the given personality.


    Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald: And a two for one(kinda). This one is a really interesting go at the man. The archer classing heavily bucks the usual author/caster connection, and the way you conceptualized his stories to suit it works quite well. Wonder how he'd react to the Gatsby that Vididii di a few pages back.
    OMG Thanks! I really appreciate your positive comments

    I think Fitzgerald and Gatsby would probably click really well, although Fitzgerald would probably be a bit confused by the situation.

  12. #9292
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors
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    Source: Vassalex

    Class: Assassin
    Other Classes: N/A
    True Name: Louis XI
    Alignment: Lawful Evil
    Place of Origin: France (15th Century)

    Parameters:

    STR: D
    END: D
    AGI: C
    MGI: B
    LCK: C
    NP: B

    Height: 220cm
    Weight: 150lbs
    Likes: Plotting, conspiracy, ruling, beautiful people
    Dislikes: Arachnophobia, false claimants
    Talent: Spinning webs of manipulation
    Natural Enemy: James Moriarty
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Male, Weak to Enuma Elish
    Armament: Webs which he spins
    Catalyst: His portrait, a collar of the Order of Saint Michael

    Class Skills:

    Presence Concealment C: He is capable at concealing his prescence, though this weakens when he is preparing to attack. He was known as a king who spent time among his people, dressed in rough clothes and seeming like an average person.

    Personal Skills:

    The Spider's Strings A: The sublimation of his creation of postal roads to more easily gain information on his enemies. As a skill, this manifests as the ability to find information on his enemies, sending small spiders woven out of webbing to spy on them. These act as "bugs" of sorts, clinging on to whatever they are tasked to and transmitting the audiovisual back to him.

    Treaty of Picquiny B: The sublimation of the Treaty of Piquiny, where England finally left France and the Hundred Years' War ended. This allows him to conceptually "buy" time, spending a small amount of mana in order to push his enemies back, delaying their plans or if a large amount of mana is spent, cancelling them entirely.

    Order of Saint Michel C: The sublimation of the Order of Saint Michael, the highest Order in france for one hundred years, which he created. This allows him to conceptually "knight" people, granting them the status of a knight, which ranks up their statistics significantly, granting them E rank statistics as an ordinary person, while Maguses could theoretically reach servant tier and lower ranked Servants could compete with higher ranked ones.

    Innocent Monster B: His enemies' declaration that he was a "Universal Spider" taken full form. This manifests as an alteration, which transforms his lower body into a spider's lower body. This grants him two benefits. Firstly, his Agility is ranked up to B. Secondly, he gains a false version of Monstrous Strength at rank C, though he will usually refuse to tap into it.

    Noble Phantasm(s):

    The Universal Spider
    King Of Secrets, Web Of Lies

    Type: Anti-Army
    Rank: B
    Range: 30 meters
    Max Targets: 100

    The sublimation of his enemies' declaration that he was a "Universal Spider", and his endless scheming. Passively, he is able to spin webs, which he uses as his primary weapons. Upon its true name activation, his web of manipulation takes physical form, a titanic web materializing around him. He can sense anything on the web, and move incredibly swiftly, akin to an agility of A+, while on it. It also bears the property of "manipulation", causing enemies on it to begin to believe that they should just give up, akin to how he got the English to leave France.

    Lore: King Louis XI was an French monarch. He was known for creating the Treaty of Piquiny, which caused the end to the Hundred Year's War, as well as his creation of the first postal houses and founding of the Order of Saint Michael. His enemies discussed him as a "Universal Spider" who spun webs of lies, controlling everything from behind closed doors.

    Personality: Cunning and manipulative. Every word he says is carefully crafted to get the ideal result, whatever that may be. He is also a playboy, and as such will try to continue to have many dalliances. He doesn't house any regrets, believing he did everything the right way that he could, so the grail would not be something he would usually use for a wish. Instead, he would use it as a bargaining chip to get whatever he wants in the modern day.

    Relationships:


    Marie Antoinette: "How wonderful to meet the last Queen of France. My successor, you did an absolutely wonderful job."

    Astolfo: "Hello! How are you? Anyway, I'm heading to a movie this evening, and I happen to have an extra ticket. Perhaps you'd like to join me?"

    Penthesilea: "Wonderful to meet you, madame. You look quite strong. Say, perhaps you'd like to spar?"

    Tamano-no-Mae: "..Kitsune? So you're a Japanese being... I've heard I'm similar to a Jorugumo, could you help me understand just how? Perhaps over dinner? Wonderful."

    Yan Qing: "Oh, hello. I really love your tattoos! Perhaps you'd be interested in a bit of assistance in information gathering. Yes? Wonderful. Shall we discuss it over a nice lunch?"

    Bedivere: "Brave knight, how nice to meet you. Would you consider joining my Order of Saint Michael? Wonderful. How about we meet to discuss it, say, over a coffee? I've heard Chaldea has an excellent place."

    Ashiya Douman: "Oh, Alter Ego? That's certainly intriguing. Perhaps, if you don't mind me asking, what are your next evil plans?"

    Gilgamesh: "Oh King of Kings, a pleasure to meet the greatest monarch of all time. I too was a monarch, though one of considerably lesser acclaim."

    Moriarty: "Ha, they call you the spider spinning his webs? Well, let's see about that, shall we?"

    Holmes: "...Truth? The truth is useless when you can spin a lie, for if your enemies ever know the truth, it can be exploited."

    Columbus: "...vile. Absolutely vile. I will enjoy ripping you apart bit. By. Bit!"
    Last edited by jishara; July 17th, 2022 at 04:46 AM.

  13. #9293
    祖 Ancestor NMR-3's Avatar
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    Lore: King Louis XI was an English monarch.
    The Adventure of the Velvet Room (Sherlock Holmes/Persona) (SB, FFN, AO3)

    Blog with all of my Servants so far.

  14. #9294
    Your average angst/edge supplier BnEl15's Avatar
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    Lostbelt where France invades the Br*ts?

    Edit:
    Anyway, as for the sheet itself, I feel like the physical aspects of The Universal Spider can be attributed to some sort of Innocent Monster rather than dedicating a whole NP for it. For the webs and manipulation bit, I like them, though there seems to be a bit of an overlap between it and The Spider's Strings. Makes me wonder if you can't just integrate that Skill into the NP and give him another Skill in its place (for example Espionage, based on him blending in with his people). Aside from that, everything else about him is cool. That second Skill is kinda vague, but I imagine it would be quite troublesome for his enemies.
    Last edited by BnEl15; July 17th, 2022 at 04:10 AM.

  15. #9295
    死徒二十七祖 The Twenty Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors
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    Thanks for the comments! I have updated that to French. I have also moved the physical effects of The Universal Spider to Innocent Monster, and kept the webs and the true name activation as the Noble Phantasm.

  16. #9296
    Ever-present Feeling reikon's Avatar
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    Rider - Jiesheshuai

    Source: Gongxiao Zao


    Death of the Gray Wolves
    Jiesheshuai
    Class: Rider
    Alternate Classes: Archer
    Alignment: Neutral Good
    Place of Origin: Central Asia, China (Göktürk Khaganate)
    Gender: Female
    Legend Name: Kür Şad


    Parameters:
    STR: B
    END: B
    AGI: A
    MGI: C
    LCK: C
    NP: A

    Height: 173cm
    Weight: 115lbs
    Likes: Kumys, Meat, Equestrianism, Hunting
    Dislikes: Injustice, Subjection
    Talent: Horse archery, excellent leadership
    Natural Enemy: Emperor Taizong of Tang
    Attribute: Man
    Traits: Female, Hominidae Servant, Riding, Humanoid, Nomad, Servant, Weak to Enuma Elish, Stronger against Chinese Servants
    Armament: Turkic recurved composite bow
    Catalyst: Remnant of the monolith inscription about her life and deeds (Similar to Orkhon inscriptions)



    Skills
    Class Skills:

    Magic Resistance - Rank D: Grants protection against magical effects. Differing from the Resistance effect that merely rejects Magical Energy, this ability cancels the spells altogether.
    Cancels Single-Action spells. Magic Resistance of the same degree of an amulet that rejects magical energy.

    Independent Action - Rank B: The ability to remain independent even when rejecting the Magical Energy supply from one's Master; the ability that allows for action even in the absence of the Master. At higher ranks, it is also possible to remain for extended periods of time in this world without an established contract.
    It is possible for a Servant to stay in the world for two days without a Master. However, this is the ideal value achieved by maximally conserving mana and avoiding battle and Noble Phantasm usage.

    Personal Skills:

    Hope of All Nomads - B: A Skill representing the role she played in the rebellion she started to free her people from foreign subjection, she was the hope for freedom of all Eastern Turkic nomads, and she lit the flame of rebellion
    that shortly ended in the victory of the Turks against Chinese subjection, finally earning their independence. She is stronger against Chinese servants.

    Determination - A: At last, during her raid into the Jiucheng Palace, she was killed together with all her forty men. Even though she was fatally wounded from the start of the battle, she still stood tall to not hurt the morale of her already demoralized men. She was the last to fall in the battle, after having a brave last stand. After death, she can still stay in battle (although significantly weaker) until the next sunrise if her master remains alive.

    Last Speech - B: A Skill representing the last speech Jiesheshuai gave to her men before storming the Emperor's palace. The speech gave hope and determination to the forty men who knowingly went into the heart of the enemy, to certain death, extremely outnumbered. Her and her allies' strength and endurance are increased in scenarios where they are outnumbered by their enemies.

    Noble Phantasm
    Storming of the Palace
    "As long as our chests beat with ambition for freedom, our battle shall never end. Raise your cries of war!"
    Type: Anti-Army Suicide
    Rank: A
    Just like that night in 639 CE, she calls her most loyal men for one last raid deep into enemy territory.
    Forty nomadic horsemen appear as mirage-like images and completely manifests as a diverse fighting force with the fierceness of a true army. The entire fighting force is fully composed of a peerless array of famed and legendary warriors only heard reverently in Steppe legends, all of whom personally fought with Jiesheshuai on the battlefield. They are all Master-less Servants, but they each have the Rank E- equivalent of the "Independent Action" Skill, meaning that they cannot leave the Reality Marble under normal circumstances and can only remain materialized for "thirty turns." They lack Skills and Class designations due to being summoned through Rider's ability, making it unnecessary to assign them anything based on the rules of the Holy Grail War, and, due to the limit of Rider's abilities, their Noble Phantasms cannot be materialized. Shortly after the initial attack, she, together with her men, perish in the battlefield just like in the legend.

    Lore
    She was born into the infamous Ashina clan, the ruling dynasty of the Göktürks. This clan rose to prominence in the mid-6th century when the leader, Bumin Qaghan, revolted against the Rouran Khaganate. She was one of Shibi Khan's sons and the younger sibling of Ashina Shibobi, who was a vassal khagan of the Tang dynasty and used the title Tölis Khaghan. Tang China defeated the Eastern Turkic Khaganate, which became a vassal state of Tang China in 630. During this period, some Turkic nobles were members of the Chinese army. Ashina Jiesheshuai was forced to be among these nobles. By summer 639, Ashina Jiesheshuai had lost favor with Emperor Taizong, who falsely accused her brother of treason and asked for his execution. She saw this as the last straw, and gathered her men to assassinate Emperor Taizong at his summer palace called the Jiucheng Palace. They had planned to wait for Li Zhi, the Prince of Jin, to depart from the palace in the morning and use that opportunity to attack the palace. On the day they planned, 19 May, Li Zhi did not leave the palace due to a storm. Ashina Jiesheshuai attacked the palace anyway, she and her men stole the Emperor's horses from the palace stables and engaged the palace guards, but the guards were supported by troops who came outside. Jiesheshuai and her men fought bravely while outnumbered, but fell one by one in the end. She wants the Holy Grail so that she can go back and use the power of the Grail to succeed in saving her people from subjection, and bring peace to the steppes.

    Personality
    Jiesheshuai is a strong-willed young woman, may even be called a tomboy, who usually speaks truthfully but will lie if necessary. She is courageous, determined, and set on winning the Holy Grail. She constantly insists that she is a warrior and khagan above all, and that her gender is of little importance to her and her role. When she was born, she was originally supposed to be a princess, but the never-ending war caused the death of most of the men in her family line, so she was forced to be a warrior. She is resolute in following her own morals, regardless of the more viable, yet underhand, tactics being available. Jiesheshuai prefers direct, fair confrontations based upon codes of chivalry. Not even her hunger for the Holy Grail can make her abandon her code of honor.


    PS. This is the first time I'm doing something like this, so I'm open to all kind of comments and critique.
    Last edited by reikon; July 17th, 2022 at 12:26 PM.

  17. #9297
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle TQG Imaginatorious's Avatar
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    Jiesheshuai- How is it EX when it's just a discount Ionioi Hetairoi? From your description, the summoned warriors don't do anything special enough to warrant the rank. For the Martyr skill I personally don't think the name fits but that's a minor nitpick. Also how can she "After death, she can still stay in battle (although significantly weaker) until the next sunrise if her servant remains alive" if those said servants will perish shortly after their initial attacks? And for the Last Speech skill I think that it should also buff her allies too instead of just herself. Otherwise, a good start and welcome.

  18. #9298
    Ever-present Feeling reikon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TQG Imaginatorious View Post
    Jiesheshuai- How is it EX when it's just a discount Ionioi Hetairoi? From your description, the summoned warriors don't do anything special enough to warrant the rank. For the Martyr skill I personally don't think the name fits but that's a minor nitpick. Also how can she "After death, she can still stay in battle (although significantly weaker) until the next sunrise if her servant remains alive" if those said servants will perish shortly after their initial attacks? And for the Last Speech skill I think that it should also buff her allies too instead of just herself. Otherwise, a good start and welcome.
    The staying in battle part should've been "if her master remains alive", I was pretty tired while initially writing it. The servant is very similar to an Iskandar and Artoria merge. I fixed most of the stuff you mentioned, thank you.
    Last edited by reikon; July 17th, 2022 at 12:29 PM.

  19. #9299
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle TQG Imaginatorious's Avatar
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    Alright I have merged charisma and weak constitution together as DelRey and Krimson suggested. How is it?

  20. #9300
    死徒(下級)Lesser Dead Apostle Legendary Hero of the Chain's Avatar
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    Louis XI: Huh, drider king of France. Never considered that being a thing, but I like it. Overall, a really solid sheet going off a unique angle of the person. The updates help tighten up a few things. Would always love a little more detail to the NP in things like appearance, but an a great sheet. Your being quite a machine with these Jishara.


    Jiesheshuai: Hmm, research time... oh, cool! Seriously, well done. Most of the suggestions I'd give have been covered already. A solid interpretation of the person, some really nice skills, and a personality that matches. Overall, an amazing first go at it. Really happy to have you here, and can't wait to see more.

    Quote Originally Posted by TQG Imaginatorious View Post
    Alright I have merged charisma and weak constitution together as DelRey and Krimson suggested. How is it?
    Boundless Compasion looks pretty good. The flavour text is pretty solid, and you get the point across quite well. The name is a good choice, at least I think so.

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